₦airaland Forum

As for me I love independent ladies,dey don't make me feel insecure in anyway! Before I became I who I am today,I must say most of ma friends r independent ladies who live large,permit me to say dis independent ladies r kool n I love d way dey reason. I respect independent ladies cuz is not easy....

Epimetheus:
First and foremost, the men who have prejudices against independent women are suffering from inferiority complex and a low self esteem. This is bred from male-dominated cultural norms that have been teaching them that a woman is of a "weaker sex". We still see this all around like you find in that crap of a show called gulder ultimate search. Mind you, I drink beer and gulder is my brand. But I callathe show cwhenbecause it is obviously designed to be brawn-over-brain. That explains why men keep winning it. Is it only men that drink gulder?
Back from the digression, a lot of men really need to take a hard look at themselves. Simple truth is your negative views and actions are borne out of an inferiority complex leading frustrated self-reassuring

You are right but I beg to differ about the gulder ultimate search.

There was an edition a woman actually had a chance to win, but she couldn't find the golden box and a man won - Okagbue Christopher, I think...

ronald4lif:
Another interesting topic...

The male ego is extremely fragile and this is all the more true for the Nigerian male. They must be the bread-winner, must provide for their families. Men still are expected to pick up the check on a first date. The ultimate prize for any alpha male is always financial. Having the woman earn more often leads to a deflated ego, depression and general bitterness. So how does a man handle a successful woman? Oh well

So let’s not take the ultra feminist stance, that won’t help the already egoistic Nigerian men to cope with the fact that his wife/girlfriend is more successful than him. Flaunt your success by all means but don’t belittle your spouse for being less successful in any way, even in jest. For a man, the key is to be open minded and be strong. If your relationship is based on a strong foundation of love and commitment, the pay check should not matter. You should be a team. You go out, you buy things, you party, and you invest together. You do all this together. When you feel smaller in any way, talk about it. When you feel low, express it.

Differences in salaries should not be a hindrance when it comes to relationships. Men need to let go of their egos and women need to make their men feel special. This is an age old debate and there are no definite sides to take. There are some matured and settled men who have no problems with their wives being more successful and richer. And then there are men who will feel threatened by their wives earning more.

Having Nigerian men not get intimidated by successful women may never happen. We're way too egocentric and believes we must call the shots at the home front. And that our women should do our biddings always. Successful women will always want to have an opinion on matters of the home (which is very okay) but most Nigerian men will always want to subvert or disregard their wives opinion. Theirs should be final. This is where their ego gets deflated hence their insecurity on successful women.

You have said it all. Unbiased assessment!

There has been a lot of independent lady talks recently everywhere, and the current global feminism movement has added its own voice to the already saturated discourse.

In as much I believe that women should have more visibility and power in the current dispensation due to the tendency of men to abuse a loyal and submissive woman, I still feel that most ladies, owing from bad stories they've read about sexists rather chose to misunderstand the word INDEPENDENT WOMAN especially as it pertains to family life.

An independent woman means that she has broken off from societal expectations and limitations on women, that preaches that they should always look up to men for provision, protection, etc, but it does not mean that she must see herself equal to the man in her life. This is why we are having shorter marriages and increasing divorce rates worldwide, especially among the first world countries whose women claim that they have been liberated from societal limitations.

We need to seriously ask our fathers and the generations past about what made their marriages last.

As for what the bible says about women and her role to her husband, I dont even want to go there, because I'm sure there are peope who do not share my faith that are also participating in this discourse.

Independence is not an empowerment to rub shoulders with the man in your life. God placed men as the head in the house, and they assume those roles by default in their relationships. The gentleman can sense when the lady starts playing the man of the house, and it makes the house have this uneasy atmosphere even if you are a visitor for the first time

Please never call it insecurity. It is there in men by default. I have stayed out hundreds of times on friday nights, gisting with the big boys in my hood, and one common thing I hear them say is that they will always choose teachability, peacefulness, and humility above everyother thing a woman brings to the table. I guess they want to have a marriage that will last.

Ndewo nu.

youmour:
Independent in what way cos most of our girls be ho-ing for cash,such girls cant be taken serious,i dont even bother chuking sef cos the Alhaji's and sugar daddies na dem gan gan get STD's,STI's,HIV and things.i only date girls wen i sabi reach house

You haven't explored.
You are still hanging out with dependent and low-class women.

Get out of your closet, and get to see independent women.

How I wish we can debate this topic openly. It must be very interesting to watch.

ISBLIAC:
The thing is,independent women have the mind of a man that makes them a male-woman....and i believe women that are like that are meant for a female-man....and i am a male-man....so the only woman that can fit me is a female-woman....so marrying a male-woman would be like marrying my male friend in a female form....we'll do all sorts of things together but our emotions fuse....thats why i prefer a female-woman that'll make me secure in her and i in her....so to be honest they make me insecure....thats why if they continue to approach me,my answer will continue to be a no because because if i fall for her...her ways WILL give me an heartattack and i'm prepared but not ready to die..plus i no go f.uck her,cuz if i do that'll be like me f.ucking a male friend,shits impossible...thats why no matter how much i admire them,they'll remain my friend nothing more....so,feminists live your life and this boy will live his....

Lmao

Womens has told me several time, woju, sign ur eyes,we r not in the same category, u r not my taste, u can't feed ur self, etc, that's why I feel insecure most time I come across them,

Am not freaked about a woman's success but One thing about the feminists is that their cry is baseless and annoying... You wan to be treated like diamonds yet want equality... You want to run your dirty mouth and expect a gentle man to be quiet yet you want equality... You want to be showered with lots of gifts and flowers yet you want equality... You bring your attitude and expect a man to understand at once yet you want equality... You got laws "protecting women's right whatever that means still you want equality... Baseless and annoying, I don't justify men who take women for granted but these b\tches expect too much. and you find such traits mostly in independent woman... A Man is built on ego and a woman tries to build hers cos of "independence" just ain gonna work out... A ship can't have two captains #Peace Out

Logicalmind:
Most men not ALL feel insecured about independent lady. For me, I don't care whether a lady is independent or not because i'll marry her irregardless of her financial status - fùck submissiveness. What I care about is a loving, educated, intelligent and caring wife. With submissiveness, some men still don't respect their wife.

When "Missjenna" posted that about being an independent lady who won't depend on a man, she was bashed all through. I don't care whether she was telling the truth or not because some people were insinuating that she's a pseudo-female moniker, but it seems most guys on this section/forum hate independent ladies but they'd still bash ladies who crave for her husband to provide everything for her. Confusionists

I stumbled upon an old thread this morning and Sinaj made this comment;


She got a reply which i found shocking, disheartening and sexist in a way.

Now, this dude;
1) Felt that unmarried ladies are embittered about their single life but I doubt it - I won't deny the fact that some of them aren't happy.
In my opinion, I feel it's guys that are desperate about marriage with the way they bash single ladies e.g Genevieve Nnaji, Rita Dominic and colleague who hasn't gotten married.
Chimamanda would have been a victim but she's happily married.

2) This dude feel that unmarried ladies are placed with a bad tag - I think NairaLand is only place where sexists flex their power. So I doubt this claim. No one cares about the life of a single lady in the real world.

My fellow men, why are you bashing women?

I've read feminism articles, and it seems feminist/independent women also dislike men that are insecure about them.

Is the feeling mutual?

I consider myself an independent woman
I am married,I love being married and I love my husband dearly and consider him the love of my life but I don't depend on him financially and I am a full fledged person with or without him.
I make my own money and have total independence in how I spend it which most of it goes to stuff for children and the home anyway.
I don't sit around to be told what to do and how to think

From conversations with guys ,real men like strong independent women who can hold the forte in their absence
A man wants to know that his children will be well taken care of,should they exit this world untimely.
Being an independent woman doesn't make one a non submissive wife,I totally respect the authority of my husband as the Bishop of our home and in any conflict of opinion,I submit to his.
The problem is in being independent and being anti men or non submissive when married
People shouldn't conflate the two things.

Logicalmind:
Most men not ALL feel insecured about independent lady. For me, I don't care whether a lady is independent or not because i'll marry her irregardless of her financial status - fùck submissiveness. What I care about is a loving, educated, intelligent and caring wife. With submissiveness, some men still don't respect their wife.

When "Missjenna" posted that about being an independent lady who won't depend on a man, she was bashed all through. I don't care whether she was telling the truth or not because some people were insinuating that she's a pseudo-female moniker, but it seems most guys on this section/forum hate independent ladies but they'd still bash ladies who crave for her husband to provide everything for her. Confusionists

I stumbled upon an old thread this morning and Sinaj made this comment;


She got a reply which i found shocking, disheartening and sexist in a way.

Now, this dude;
1) Felt that unmarried ladies are embittered about their single life but I doubt it - I won't deny the fact that some of them aren't happy.
In my opinion, I feel it's guys that are desperate about marriage with the way they bash single ladies e.g Genevieve Nnaji, Rita Dominic and colleague who hasn't gotten married.
Chimamanda would have been a victim but she's happily married.

2) This dude feel that unmarried ladies are placed with a bad tag - I think NairaLand is only place where sexists flex their power. So I doubt this claim. No one cares about the life of a single lady in the real world.

My fellow men, why are you bashing women?

I've read feminism articles, and it seems feminist/independent women also dislike men that are insecure about them.

Is the feeling mutual?

TO HELL WITH THIS PSEUDO MALE MONIKER.

We know who u are.

There is always a head of any organization... Your equality is questionable

babyosisi:
I consider myself an independent woman
I am married,I love being married and I love my husband but I don't depend on him financially
I make my own money and have total independence in how I spend it which most of it goes to stuff for children and the home.

From conversations with guys ,real men like strong independent women who can hold the forte in their absence
A man wants to know that his children will be well taken care off,should they exit this world untimely.
Being an independent woman doesn't make one a non submissive wife
The problem is in being independent and being anti men or non submissive when married
People shouldn't conflate the two things.

Cool

Logicalmind:
You haven't explored.
You are still hanging out with dependent and low-class women.

Get out of your closet, and get to see independent women.

Nah bruh im good giving alms,my mind is at ease knowing shes got to be home before 12 like cinderella

orble:
TO HELL WITH THIS PSEUDO MALE MONIKER.

We know who u are.

SMH. Who

Owliver:
Am not freaked about a woman's success but One thing about the feminists is that their cry is baseless and annoying... You wan to be treated like diamonds yet want equality... You want to run your dirty mouth and expect a gentle man to be quiet yet you want equality... You want to be showered with lots of gifts and flowers yet you want equality... You bring your attitude and expect a man to understand at once yet you want equality... You got laws "protecting women's right whatever that means still you want equality... Baseless and annoying, I don't justify men who take women for granted but these b\tches expect too much. and you find such traits mostly in independent woman... A Man is built on ego and a woman tries to build hers cos of "independence" just ain gonna work out... A ship can't have two captains #Peace Out

There is a difference between an independent woman and a greedy,uncouth woman
When you are about to marry,you better find an independent good woman
With an independent woman,should you be down on your luck,she will step up and hold the home front while you regroup
If you marry a weak woman who is solely dependent on you,when down on your luck,you will move to the village to tap wine.

babyosisi:
I consider myself an independent woman
I am married,I love being married and I love my husband dearly and consider him the love of my life but I don't depend on him financially and I am a full fledged person with or without him.
I make my own money and have total independence in how I spend it which most of it goes to stuff for children and the home anyway.
I don't sit around to be told what to do and how to think

From conversations with guys ,real men like strong independent women who can hold the forte in their absence
A man wants to know that his children will be well taken care off,should they exit this world untimely.
Being an independent woman doesn't make one a non submissive wife,I totally respect the authority of my husband as the Bishop of our home and in any conflict of opinion,I submit to his.
The problem is in being independent and being anti men or non submissive when married
People shouldn't conflate the two things.

You're a very intelligent woman. What a peaceful home you must have? I love that. I'm not even in for a toast with any self-confessed feminist.

babyosisi:
I consider myself an independent woman
I am married,I love being married and I love my husband dearly and consider him the love of my life but I don't depend on him financially and I am a full fledged person with or without him.
I make my own money and have total independence in how I spend it which most of it goes to stuff for children and the home anyway.
I don't sit around to be told what to do and how to think

From conversations with guys ,real men like strong independent women who can hold the forte in their absence
A man wants to know that his children will be well taken care off,should they exit this world untimely.
Being an independent woman doesn't make one a non submissive wife,I totally respect the authority of my husband as the Bishop of our home and in any conflict of opinion,I submit to his.
The problem is in being independent and being anti men or non submissive when married
People shouldn't conflate the two things.

God bless you...
and more happy returns.

Very trueeeeeeeeee!!

ArchEnemy:
Cos men ve that ego that exudes superiority
He wants to call the shots and be the one the family depends on
When the wife is more wealthy, this becomes a threat

Addendum
...I however believe its all about the lady's attitude. if she is submissive it wont bring much issues

My dear even if she is submissive, some men r so ungrateful. I am a witness abi victim. Now I just live in my bubble. My 2 kids need me strong. I feed him pay d childrens fees, cloth them buy all house needs, yet when I told him 1 day dat since we were married he has never encouraged me although I don't mind cos we r 1. He picked up malice.

babyosisi:
There is a difference between an independent woman and a greedy,uncouth woman
When you are about to marry,you better find an independent good woman
With an independent woman,should you be down on your luck,she will step up and hold the home front
If you marry a weak woman who is solely dependent on you,when down on your luck,you will move to the village to tap wine

nobody wants a lazy woman. But like I said those traits are mostly from "independent ladies" and naija version is a good example. I have seen and still seeing enough.

mentorandfriend:
You're a very intelligent woman. What a peaceful home you must have? I love that. I'm not even in for a toast with any self-confessed feminist.

thank you. From her post things work out well. That's the kind I would like not some b\tch popping the "I can buy my own car" line when we quarrel. That marriage is going down f^ck what the world will say

Setaje:
Nigerian men grew up to always take charge. The moment they fall short they start acting aggressive towards the woman who is the bread winner so they won't loose their authority. That african man mentality is still engraved in a lot of them. Many of them see man and wife as master and slave. A woman who becomes the bread winner should be accorded due respect but many african men don't feel so.


Nevertheless, I do not pray for any man not to be able to cater for his family. Its a terrible thing o. Your once lovely wife might turn against u. I see this thing happen. The moment she begins to pay the house rent, the day u people fight is the day the whole house will no she is the bread winner. Women don't do a good job hiding it at all. Trust me I know! Infact it takes a very humble woman to cater for the family and not turn proud. My mum told me while they were younger and things were so tough. She was working while dad was looking for a job. She said she always dropped her salary under the pillow. She says this days we youths don't have native mentality and men are so irresponsible that they collect the womans money anyhow and even fight her when she doesn't drop. She said she new my dad felt somehow to ask so she did what a good wife should until when my dad got a very good job.

Personally I feel that women in general are not wired to cater. They are wired to nuture. Likewise when a man began to cook, clean and do stuffs generally done by women, he might just start to loose self esteem and his ego will be deflated which is understandable.


Lastly a good woman whether dependent or independent won't make u loose your respect. Its just quite difficulty to see an independent lady who is humble and it's hard to see a dependent man who appreciates his wife

Wow... I love this.

You balanced it.

No one is totally independent of anyone else.

Being an independent woman as I see it, is having a mind of your own and being able to use it efficiently, not having to get a man's permission before doing things, which is what most Nigerian guys want.

It seems like the average Nigerian man always wants his fragile ego stroked, an independent woman won't always give in to that, which usually causes a problem because he thinks she's proud, smh.

There are men, however, who love strong women, such men you find out are very confident and intelligent, those type of men are the sexiest and best of them all.

Owliver:
nobody wants a lazy woman. But like I said those traits are mostly from "independent ladies" and naija version is a good example. I have seen and still seeing enough.

Usually independent woman have stronger characters so I can understand where you are coming from but the advantages in an independent women are enormous.
She is an independent thinker,intelligent, can compete well with the male gender
In conversations,she brings something to the table worth considering,not a mere rubber stamping of the man's ideas
If I were a man I would want an independent woman too
I think it's less headache for the man because he knows madam pulls her weight well and will also have it covered when he can't

missjenna:
Op, I read your post and I have this to say.

First of all, I would say that I made that comment as a result of the nature of the thread with which it was commented on.


Coming to the concept of independence,
I don't think there is any thing like total independence. No human, man or woman can be totally independent of the other.

When you term a lady or when a lady terms herself as independent, all she is trying to say is that she does not totally rely on any man for her upkeep and her and day to day survival.
She believes that she has the right to tell which direction her life should go.

Having said that, let me also say this
I believe every human being has a innate tepid narcissistic trait that is masked by their outward characters

This trait is also accompanied by a fragile ego and sense of importance above the opposite gender.
This mellow trait however expresses it self more in the masculine gender.

Asides this, humanity have for long been bombarded with tales from legend and religion that glorifies the male gender above the female.
This has so far created a kind of belief that a man should be the one in charge, the one in control, the one at the top.

When you look at the power structures of the world, not excluding our Nigerian traditions, you would find out that women are most times relegated to the post of follower instead of leader.

When a man sees a woman that is "independent", it kinds of threatens that mild narcissistic trait
At first he feels a complex mixture of fear,annoyance insecurity and surprise
Then depending on his personality, his subconscious tries to see if it can conjure up a mechanism to counter this threat.

Either he decides to hate her and stay away
Or
He becomes intrigued by her, creating a sense of respect which makes him want to get close to her.

But most times, most men tend to go in the way of the former.
Most men just don't feel women should be above them in any way. They have this feeling that every woman should want them. That we can't cope without them.
The fact that a woman can be "independent" is in a way alien to them and when they see this, they are caught aback.

Actually, no man wants a woman they can't control. They don't want any woman that threatens their supremacy, hence their reaction.

One mistake most "independent" women make is to let pride get in the way.
They feel a grandiose sense of achievement and importance which makes them see themselves as not on equal par with most men that might try to approach them or get to know them
I think this also makes men stay away from them

Op, you also said that most feminist women hate men that are insecure about them.
Well I don't think we hate them. We are just irritated by the fact that they would feel insecure about us.
I myself like men who are not intimidated by me.

Op, I hope I helped
Thanks

let me jst give u a like 4 d mb u wasted

babyosisi:
Usually independent woman have stronger characters so I can understand where you are coming from but the advantages in an independent women are enormous.
She is an independent thinker,intelligent, can compete well with the male gender
In conversations,she brings something to the table worth considering,not a mere rubber stamping of the man's ideas
If I were a man I would want an independent woman too
I think it's less headache for the man because he knows madam pulls her weight well and will also have it covered when he can't

you see, this ur discroption differs from that of an average naija "independent lady". Hope you get where am coming from... That's the problem, they miss the point and that causes trouble for everybody.

missjenna:
Op, I read your post and I have this to say.

First of all, I would say that I made that comment as a result of the nature of the thread with which it was commented on.


Coming to the concept of independence,
I don't think there is any thing like total independence. No human, man or woman can be totally independent of the other.

When you term a lady or when a lady terms herself as independent, all she is trying to say is that she does not totally rely on any man for her upkeep and her and day to day survival.
She believes that she has the right to tell which direction her life should go.

Having said that, let me also say this
I believe every human being has a innate tepid narcissistic trait that is masked by their outward characters

This trait is also accompanied by a fragile ego and sense of importance above the opposite gender.
This mellow trait however expresses it self more in the masculine gender.

Asides this, humanity have for long been bombarded with tales from legend and religion that glorifies the male gender above the female.
This has so far created a kind of belief that a man should be the one in charge, the one in control, the one at the top.

When you look at the power structures of the world, not excluding our Nigerian traditions, you would find out that women are most times relegated to the post of follower instead of leader.

When a man sees a woman that is "independent", it kinds of threatens that mild narcissistic trait
At first he feels a complex mixture of fear,annoyance insecurity and surprise
Then depending on his personality, his subconscious tries to see if it can conjure up a mechanism to counter this threat.

Either he decides to hate her and stay away
Or
He becomes intrigued by her, creating a sense of respect which makes him want to get close to her.

But most times, most men tend to go in the way of the former.
Most men just don't feel women should be above them in any way. They have this feeling that every woman should want them. That we can't cope without them.
The fact that a woman can be "independent" is in a way alien to them and when they see this, they are caught aback.

Actually, no man wants a woman they can't control. They don't want any woman that threatens their supremacy, hence their reaction.

One mistake most "independent" women make is to let pride get in the way.
They feel a grandiose sense of achievement and importance which makes them see themselves as not on equal par with most men that might try to approach them or get to know them
I think this also makes men stay away from them

Op, you also said that most feminist women hate men that are insecure about them.
Well I don't think we hate them. We are just irritated by the fact that they would feel insecure about us.
I myself like men who are not intimidated by me.

Op, I hope I helped
Thanks

This gal na another Chimamanda Adichie in the making. Just check out her signature in that last paragraph...lol .

mentorandfriend:
There has been a lot of independent lady talks recently everywhere, and the current global feminism movement has added its own voice to the already saturated discourse.

In as much I believe that women should have more visibility and power in the current dispensation due to the tendency of men to abuse a loyal and submissive woman, I still feel that most ladies, owing from bad stories they've read about sexists rather chose to misunderstand the word INDEPENDENT WOMAN especially as it pertains to family life.

An independent woman means that she has broken off from societal expectations and limitations on women, that preaches that they should always look up to men for provision, protection, etc, but it does not mean that she must see herself equal to the man in her life. This is why we are having shorter marriages and increasing divorce rates worldwide, especially among the first world countries whose women claim that they have been liberated from societal limitations.

We need to seriously ask our fathers and the generations past about what made their marriages last.

As for what the bible says about women and her role to her husband, I dont even want to go there, because I'm sure there are peope who do not share my faith that are also participating in this discourse.

Independence is not an empowerment to rub shoulders with the man in your life. God placed men as the head in the house, and they assume those roles by default in their relationships. The gentleman can sense when the lady starts playing the man of the house, and it makes the house have this uneasy atmosphere even if you are a visitor for the first time

Please never call it insecurity. It is there in men by default. I have stayed out hundreds of times on friday nights, gisting with the big boys in my hood, and one common thing I hear them say is that they will always choose teachability, peacefulness, and humility above everyother thing a woman brings to the table. I guess they want to have a marriage that will last.

Ndewo nu.

seconded!

Owliver:
thank you. From her post things work out well. That's the kind I would like not some b\tch popping the "I can buy my own car" line when we quarrel. That marriage is going down f^ck what the world will say

Let me be frank with you,sometimes it's attitude like yours that make some women that way
If you go into a relationship hoping to control and beat someone else into shape,the reaction will be what you are describing here
It's a two way thing
The giving and taking goes both ways
If a man feels insecure and threatened,and thinks being macho will do it,I promise you it won't work
You need to love and respect the woman you love and she will give you the best of her

babyosisi:
Usually independent woman have stronger characters so I can understand where you are coming from but the advantages in an independent women are enormous.
She is an independent thinker,intelligent, can compete well with the male gender
In conversations,she brings something to the table worth considering,not a mere rubber stamping of the man's ideas
If I were a man I would want an independent woman too
I think it's less headache for the man because he knows madam pulls her weight well and will also have it covered when he can't

if every women can reason this way it would have been an awe world for men (us)

True!

All these comment we see putting up by females monikers are just in typing not by action