₦airaland Forum

mcdokwe:
I am not justifying anything, like I said people shouldn't be pushed to do things they would regret later.

I didn't do anything special and for the records I still believe I owe her a lot whether or not we end up together, I know there are men who could be more tolerant than I was but there are also some who couldn't take an inch of all I took. My wish is that she overcomes that so that she wouldn't find herself always saying sorry to the tolerant man or ending up with black eyes from the less tolerant one.

guy please justify yourself o
look at what she did and some idiots are not saying anything instead they to crucify you.

just for being mean to her friend for interfering in your relationship she went physical and verbal on you and your loved ones and your property, if you where the one that did that, these ladies would be praying for your girl to learn kung fu for reason so she can beat you to death.

Rose2014:
I'm happy you admitted your mom went verbal sometimes. That's women for you. Why didn't your dad beat her in revenge?
You see your dad(bless his heart) was able to deal with it without everything degenerating into a fight
Physical abuse is a no no for me. A woman should never ever raise her hand on a man. But also a man should not push a woman to such limits and come here to justify beating like op is doing now.

I maintain that the op's role before going physical doesn't add up

the person you quoted didn't say his mom locked his dad up did he? He also didn't say his mom smashed his dad's fone on the ground did he? Recently my parents had a quarel that lasted for over a week. I adviced her to greet him first. Well, they settled it with shouts and insults and no phisical abuse. Why didn't you talk about the smashing of fone or locking the man inside. You all are same and I pray you don't jam someone worse than the OP.

delugadou:
I know u wish u were in her shoes......don't worry, u'll get a loving guy too

yes,I pray to get a loving Man not a woman beater.My father never for once mistakenly slap my mother,who b the boyfriend or husband way wan break record?

Owliver:
oh you just concluded on your own. Smh read his story again and again and assume and conclude with that. Don't make up something in ur head. There's no reason to abuse a man or a woman but if it happens. Do not lock me in I will run mad inside. Lemme go out and take 3 bottles of star and come back for hot f^ck but do no f^cking block my way. If you do I will dismantle you. If you say you women are created to talk we men are also created physically stronger. Respect is reciprocal

Men are verbally abusive too. Don't get it twisted

mcdokwe:
I am not justifying anything, like I said people shouldn't be pushed to do things they would regret later.

I didn't do anything special and for the records I still believe I owe her a lot whether or not we end up together, I know there are men who could be more tolerant than I was but there are also some who couldn't take an inch of all I took. My wish is that she overcomes that so that she wouldn't find herself always saying sorry to the tolerant man or ending up with black eyes from the less tolerant one.

Bros I seriously don't think you need to justify or defend your actions before anyone. The singular fact that you acknowledge your actions and have taken responsibility for them, is what makes you a man.
Spring and rubber can be stretched, but we all know they both don't have the same tolerance, if any Lady doesn't understand that, let her accept what she sees. No gender should be treated with less respect than the other, any form of abuse is to be avoided.
If I slap a lady and she turns round and insults me, I have given up my right to not be insulted, the same theory applies to a woman. When you become verbally abusive, just start praying that your man is the rubber type, because if na spring E be, God will help your face that day.

Owliver:
the person you quoted didn't say his mom locked his dad up did he? He also didn't say his mom smashed his dad's fone on the ground did he? Recently my parents had a quarel that lasted for over a week. I adviced her to greet him first. Well, they settled it with shouts and insults and no phisical abuse. Why didn't you talk about the smashing of fone or locking the man inside. You all are same and I pray you don't jam someone worse than the OP.

All I'm saying is that you guys haven't listened to the lady's side of the story
Believe me I've learned never to conclude until u hear both sides of ANY story no matter how sweet it sounds.
Op wants to justify beating her and that's all this thread is all about

Rose2014:
But when u say sorry to your woman, she accepts and you're happy ba?. Anyway Men and women are not programmed the same way.
Yes we do expect u to let go when we're sorry

it doesn't work that way. When am angry I like to go out and cool off come in and pretend nothing happened. Why would a lady lock me in? That's hurrible meehn. Pls don't carry that mentality enter husband house o am warning you

Rose2014:
I'm happy you admitted your mom went verbal sometimes. That's women for you. Why didn't your dad beat her in revenge?
You see your dad(bless his heart) was able to deal with it without everything degenerating into a fight
Physical abuse is a no no for me. A woman should never ever raise her hand on a man. But also a man should not push a woman to such limits and come here to justify beating like op is doing now.

I maintain that the op's role before going physical doesn't add up

so sending a text to their friend to tell her off interfering in his marriage is pushing beyond limits of diplomatic reasoning and yet you say under no circumstance should a man beat woman!
HYPOCRISY!!!
I don't support violence but I regret giving you a taste of your pill
we are all humans.

Rose2014:
All I'm saying is that you guys haven't listened to the lady's side of the story
Believe me I've learned never to conclude until u hear both sides of ANY story no matter how sweet it sounds.
Op wants to justify beating her and that's all this thread is all about

you didn't say this earlier... If you had said just this I wouldn't have attacked you... Exacly why I said only judge base on what the OP said or don judge. Done begin to assume things. Am a nice guy sha

Friends can destroy a perfect relationship.

Owliver:
it doesn't work that way. When am angry I like to go out and cool off come in and pretend nothing happened. Why would a lady lock me in? That's hurrible meehn. Pls don't carry that mentality enter husband house o am warning you

Thanks dearie. I'm already 5 years in the institution and still counting
Yes I agree the man should be allowed to go cool off if he needs to. I'm not supporting the lady either just that to every story, there are 2sides

And u sweetheart,pls don't drive your woman so mad cos nobody has d monopoly of violence u know, she might kill you, I'm warning u now o

Dheartless:
so sending a text to their friend to tell her off interfering in his marriage is pushing beyond limits of diplomatic reasoning and yet you say under no circumstance should a man beat woman!
HYPOCRISY!!!
I don't support violence but I regret giving you a taste of your pill
we are all humans.

My dear, you were not there hence u cant know exactly what happened.
Let me ask u this, So u think d op sent a text to her friend is all that is to the story?
If u do, you'll believe anything

D funny thing with these kind of story is that if the op is as innocent as he claims, he won't be looking for comforters here

sweetcocoa:
OP, I don't support violence from anyone but seems to me like you did what you had to do, to remove yourself from that situation at the time.

I believe she is not a child and if everything you wrote here is true, then you two probably shouldn't be together, atleast till she is mature enough to decide what she really wants.

all I can say about this post is that you get sense!

Rose2014:

Thanks dearie. I'm already 5 years in the institution and still counting
Yes I agree the man should be allowed to go cool off if he needs to. I'm not supporting the lady either just that to every story, there are 2sides

And u sweetheart,pls don't drive your woman so mad cos nobody has d monopoly of violence u know, she might kill you, I'm warning u now o

I won't drive anybody mad. I want peace and long life. Am a simple person but I don't like when someone f^cks with my head I hate it. I won't drive anybody crazy. If you drive me crazy I give you compulsary vacation to your father's house and that period I'll be free to play Pes and winning eleven and crash bandicot... I don't buy the idea of "marriage is forever"

Sir, first permit me to ask you some more questions:
Who were the people in your home at the time, who invited them?

Do you have any insight into the reason she was angry with you after she spoke with her friend who sent the text?

What was her reason for locking you in, did you inform where you were going?

Had you made plans for marriage? Was she unhappy you were not married?

mcdokwe:
You failed to grab my point, I avoided a fight while we were locked in because she stood no chance, I hoped the other ladies could stop me from hitting her in their presence, I didn't write all these to absorb myself of blames, but to make people understand others bring upon unfavourable reactions on themselves. Believe me, I love this lady so much and do not intend painting her all bad and for that reason leave out some details.
I believe she can read all this, it is up to her to learn from posts here as much as I am learning, hopefully other would learn too

LAGATA:
@op, are we neighbours? had the same bitter experience last night. We have bn married for Seven years and i have never imagined i cld ever raise my hands on my woman. No matter to what extent she provokes me, i still tru find a peaceful way of resolving issues. Mine is even a bit challenging coz of cultural differences (am yoruba and shes hausa). The past seven years has bn so challenging. we have lost 2 innocent kids so u can imagine the frustration and challenges. What is it abt our women being 'misled' by their unmarried and divorced friends?
The height of provocation was ystday. Imagine my woman exchanging luv msgs wt an unknown man. Confronted her wt all the proofs bt she was still denying to the extent of creating a fight. Had to land her a slap on her face. So sad i have never done such. Realising i shldnt have done that and controlled myself, spent the whole night pleading wt her to forgive me for my actions and not even wt wat was on ground. Even wt the sleeping pills i swallowed, i jst cldnt slp. Rather i was feeling so bad and full of regets for raising my hand on her.... To all the ladies out there (single and married), pls forgive us. Appologies too for the long gist

it is a pity, but people don't get. It is just like saying no one deserves jungle justice until you become a prey to those miscreants repeatedly. God heal your marriage and create understanding in her.

Owliver:
I won't drive anybody mad. I want peace and long life. Am a simple person but I don't like when someone f^cks with my head I hate it. I won't drive anybody crazy. If you drive me crazy I give you compulsary vacation to your father's house and that period I'll be free to play Pes and winning eleven and crash bandicot... I don't buy the idea of "marriage is forever"

Aha, now you're talking
Send her packing. Find a way not to beat her especially these days people die like fowls
She fit die from ordinary slap and nobody will believe u
#teamsaynotodomesticviolence#

Pls guys this attitude grow in women, learn to stand ur ground and face issues head on... Was very close a girl who after a few week started telling me "see you head" when we play. I warned her seriously even when she used to say "is it not play".... Which kind play be that wey you go dey tell me that for public. U chop craze? Tell me when on bed not in public. With time she amended. If I had left her who knows what she'll do next. Mayb abuse me more and even slap me... Treat them right but Don't take bullshitz from no daughter of a mofucker... Stand your groud. That's why We are men

Rose2014:
I'm happy you admitted your mom went verbal sometimes. That's women for you. Why didn't your dad beat her in revenge?
You see your dad(bless his heart) was able to deal with it without everything degenerating into a fight
Physical abuse is a no no for me. A woman should never ever raise her hand on a man. But also a man should not push a woman to such limits and come here to justify beating like op is doing now.

I maintain that the op's role before going physical doesn't add up

So if a man beats his wife for doing something wrong, can I say 'that's men for you'? The way some of you use this statement is what is annoying the male folks. A man is expected to show restraints when pushed but a woman can verbally abuse her husband all the time? Wonderful! I'm learning from y'all!!!

Rose2014:
Aha, now you're talking
Send her packing. Find a way not to beat her especially these days people die like fowls
She fit die from ordinary slap and nobody will believe u
#teamsaynotodomesticviolence#

But I need to leave that room na. How else do I leave without beating. Coach me pls

Dheartless:
guy please justify yourself o
look at what she did and some idiots are not saying anything instead they to crucify you.

just for being mean to her friend for interfering in your relationship she went physical and verbal on you and your loved ones and your property, if you where the one that did that, these ladies would be praying for your girl to learn kung fu for reason so she can beat you to death.

So u believe op never said or did anything abi?
The lady just verbally abused him, locked d doors, smashed the phones and op was innocent the whole time

If u take this story at face value, u'll believe anything. I wish I could hear from the woman in question so I know how to advise

The op's role doesn't add up

mcdokwe:
I read a lot about how men who hit their partners are nothing but beasts, I nearly joined the bandwagon of accusers because I couldn't fathom how uncontrollable one's temper could be as to turn one's partner to a punching bag.

Don't get me wrong, I deeply regret I ever hit her, unfortunately that is one reason that apparently hold water as a reason for leaving even though she never gets to tell the whole story.

She had been a very good girl, and even till date, the only girl I have lost myself in love to. Yes, I have been a broke ass nigga and thankfully she could be a low maintenance lady.

She once told me how some of her stupid friends asked if I have hit her before obviously looking for shortfalls to convince her she shouldn't be dating me and how she proudly told them I hadn't for once.

In fairness to the truth, I learnt a lot from her and having her taught me how to treat my sister who was her age better.
At a point in her life, she had no genuine friend and would always moan to me how bad some friend or the other treated her and how she wasn't interested in their friendship anymore and I had to constantly remind her that people are different and so with their motives, I always encouraged her to try to understand such motives before writing them off.
I literally became her only friend and unfortunately shoved some people who could have been some sort of relief aside so much that we had just each other
Days became weeks and months and she conceived for me and a lot started changing about her. [b]Maybe in her bid to feel acceptable, she got entangled with people she wrote completely off before, this wasn't a so much of a challenge because atleast she could whine less about them to me, her dress sense changed and she turned deaf ears to my appeal for explanation, I had to adapt to some of those challenges but unfortunately those friends became more valuable to her than myself even though we had a child coming and lived together, she shared less of her worries with me but would tell them even the minutest detail of our relationship which were frequently misrepresented maybe in a bid to gain sympathy which she eventually got. They explained my actions and inactions better than I could and she could go for days without talking to me so long as the meal was provides and the babies need met, she opted for a break anytime I told her of her upsetting attitude and the need to work on it, but would never tell me of her own misgivings towards me even when I plead so I could work on myself too, but would rather discuss unthinkable issues with her friends. [/b]

Fast forward to that particular day, a lady who I encouraged her to make friends with because of her distress and the feeling we could be of help to sent a text to her sim which happened to be on my phone saying she needs to know when I left the house so she could come over and I was wth! This is some one I brought in, someone whose coming means she is to fend from my toil, and I asked what it could be that I did that should warrant such. I sent her a text telling her never to bother coming anymore as I wasn't leaving the house that day anymore. She called her back and asked her only God knows what and my lady went up in frenzy insulting me not minding that a third party was there.
Minutes later the other girl stopped by to apologise stating that I misunderstood her text but my girlfriend continued the insult asking why she should bother to explain or apologise. After a while every other person left and she became apologetically cosy, well I shrugged her off knowing her being apologetic doesn't stop her from insulting me the next minute if she felt like, and true to my prediction, even while she was still being sorry, her words turned from being apologetic to outright insult, calling me unprintable names and how I am a hopeless orphan (I lost my dad the previous year and my mum is still very much alive and she is so lettered and knows what an orphan means) well I said something too of her family because I was hurt but could never match her with words and I made to leave the house in that fit of anger. But she locked the door and wouldn't let me. She turned apologetic again and then insulting, in that state all I could do was pity her because I couldn't imagine how someone could be so unstable, I was visibly frustrated and made to leave the house which she wouldn't have either and I had to forcefully remove her from the way. She came back hard on my, making for anything. That could be converted into a weapon, thankfully I was stronger and made her efforts futile. I pinned her to the ground with the intention to make her realise I am stronger than our love sessions where I played weak to let her have an upper hand so she could give up already, but the moment I released her a bit, she reached for my phone and smashed it on the floor repeatedly, I regrettably gave her some blows and because I didn't want it to continue, opened the door so a neighbour could come in a stop the fight. I later stormed out with the child and headed for a family who had rendered enough care to us and she later found her way there, I expected her to behave more in their presence but that was to wishful of me and unfortunately the ladies couldn't stop me as I gave her even deadlier blows but mehn, she never really got enough.

She was later forced into one of the rooms in the apartment and locked up with the baby.
After a while I walked to that point seeing how pitiful she looked asked her with tears in my eyes why she was acting the way she does to which she replied with a tone that could melt the devil's heart that she didn't know and was sorry. We packed up and went back home to the astonishment of all who saw us fight. Needless to say we made love that night after which she confessed she never knew I could hit her even after I was with her at the delivery room and declared no woman should be beaten by her man. She also owned up and apologised for pushing me to that point.

She also told me how a particular friend of hers who came in after the fight had told her not to have sex with me that night and all that.

The relationship lasted for a little longer without fights and she left while I was away for reasons still not clear to me, and looking back I regret that I ever let her pushing me to the point of hitting her but I still believe firmly that she deserved it.

I am glad this story ended well
Whoever this girl is, babyosisi says God bless you for doing the right thing
You don't need an insecure low life agbero in your life especially when he is just a baby daddy

Feraz:
So if a man beats his wife for doing something wrong, can I say 'that's men for you'? The way some of you use this statement is what is annoying the male folks. A man is expected to show restraints when pushed but a woman can verbally abuse her husband all the time? Wonderful! I'm learning from y'all!!!

you dey mind them. That yern dey vex me ehn. That's why I hardly keep too many female pals. They yern anyhow and expect you to take it as play. What rabbish

greatgod2012:
I already have the best man in my life. This is the 10th year of my marriage.
Thanks for your wishes.

God bless you and pls keep making him the best.

babyosisi:
I am glad this story ended well
Whoever this girl is, babyosisi says God bless you for doing the right thing
You don't need an insecure low life agbero in your life especially when he is just a baby daddy

unfortunately, whether or not that was meant as an insult, I won't take it to heart.

Owliver:
But I need to leave that room na. How else do I leave without beating. Coach me pls

U're actually a sweeter person like u earlier claimed

Ok dearie bring your ears close*
U see that time u're upset about her friend ish and she's not understanding u rather she's upset too, that's the time to leave her in the house. She'll call looking for you
Don't go exchanging words with a woman, they'll definitely drive u to that limit even you daughter sister mom etc believe me
It's hard not to but if u do, u'll most likely end up beating her. Tomorrow she'll still do the same. So are u going beat her everyday na? I don't think so. Besides she may return the violence one day n u may not live to tell the story.
Interestingly when u walk away, na she go begin cry de call u to come back. Violence will only make her mean and u don't want to live with a bitter woman.

mcdokwe:
Sweetcocoa and greatGod2012 I am thrilled that women here could actually see it the way you both did. It is now obvious that the ladies who are in the true picture of the whole thing who are also not her friends or fellowship members are not saying what they did just placate my ego.

Much as she fails to believe especially now, I loved that lady so much I could give up the entire world for it to work, I can say I am lucky I have friends who told me to my face where and when I goof, I can also say she wasn't lucky to have as much outside me, even though she gets out of talking terms with people who believed or said things contrary to her expectations and kept all those who sympathise with her (they never really liked me much anyway).

The love I have for her is such that I worry that she might suffer if she doesn't change and marries a man who is less tolerant(not self praising though) and told her as much which she readily scuffs at.

Above all, I am scared to the marrow thinking my daughter might pick some of the attributes.
Above all, she could be a wonderful lady when she chooses to be, otherwise I wouldn't have made the efforts I made to bring us back together.

O shut the fried fish up!!
So It were better she stayed while you pounded the mother
Stop this sanctimonious bull crap
You are now officially a woman batterer in case you don't know and please blame it on no one else but yourself
Wear that badge with honor and stop talking trying to explain away yourself

Rose2014:
But when u say sorry to your woman, she accepts and you're happy ba?. Anyway Men and women are not programmed the same way.
Yes we do expect u to let go when we're sorry

I don't think you are being fair to the OP!
The woman has also been physically abusive too before this incident. Stop supporting evil because she is a woman!

All y'all forming marriage counsellors here. women are evil. You have to be in the guy's shoes to really know how he feels... Not like I support him beating up his wife but sometimes a little bashing gets the job done!

Rose2014:

U're actually a sweeter person like u earlier claimed

Ok dearie bring your ears close*
U see that time u're upset about her friend ish and she's not understanding u rather she's upset too, that's the time to leave her in the house. She'll call looking for you
Don't go exchanging words with a woman, they'll definitely drive u to that limit even you daughter sister mom etc believe me
It's hard not to but if u do, u'll most likely end up beating her. Tomorrow she'll still do the same. So are u going beat her everyday na? I don't think so. Besides she may return the violence one day n u may not live to tell the story.
Interestingly when u walk away, na she go begin cry de call u to come back. Violence will only make her mean and u don't want to live with a bitter woman.

haha I be nice guy for sure na... Hmm ok I should leave sharply like someone wey them dey pursue. Kkk point noted... Thanks for the advice... Never hit a woman

Kimoni:
OP, I read ur story and yes, you both are at fault but I also don't understand how sober you are or if you wont really do same next time, this is from your choice of words such as "she deserves it" and "she really didn't get enough of the beatings".

It's sounding like you still relish the beating you gave her cuz you think ur actions were well justified. There is never a justification for beating your spouse IMO esp in the presence of a child.

I advise you to also look inwards on how you could have handled the situation better from your end as against you laying the total blame on her. Don't be one of the men who beat once, regret it but continue to beat afterwards.

This is why I say the man is full of it
You beat the crap out a woman who has your baby and tell us you regret it but she deserved it?
Those two things don't go together
This man is a volcano that has already erupted
Reading through his whole post no matter how colorful he tried to make it to suit his purposes,any intelligent person can see though that sadist
The woman picked up and left with a baby for that matter
That speaks volumes
She doesn't even believe a word he said and he expects me to

dinachi:
I don't think you are being fair to the OP!
The woman has also been physically abusive too before this incident. Stop supporting evil because she is a woman!

I don't support evil but u cannot conclude if u don't hear the lady's side too.
When I was reading the story, some things weren't adding up. Until I hear the other side of the story, I take this account with a pinch of salt

The title says it all. The op wants to justify beating her and for me it's a red flag