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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? (4135 Views)
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Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 6:39pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
In our African tradition, it's normal for relatives to move in with a couple: to assist with the house chores or to baby sit the kids or in most cases just to have a place to stay (especially when you're still hustling for a job in a state away from parents). However, when there are too many people in the house, it sometimes interferes with the couple's relationship, communication and sex life which may be affected as well (especially if the relatives are the wife's people *lol*). So, is it really helpful to a marriage for relatives to move in with a couple? Or should a new couple avoid it if they can? Do Live-in Relatives Ruin The Spark in a Marriage? I notice that it varies with couples. Some couples find it more fun relating with someone else apart from their husband all the time. The live-in relatives even strengthen their love for each other in some cases While some others, it is disaster. Guys, what do you think? What are your experiences? Please share 1 Share
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Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by buygala(m): 6:42pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
The major purpose of marriage isn't to turn your house into a village square or boarding house, but to give your nuclear family the privacy, comfort, and quietude that it deserves. .... One has all his bachelorhood or spinsterhood to adequately and exclusively take care of extended family and needy relations... When there are extended family members co-habiting permanently or for long periods with a couple, there are practically no secrets in the house anymore.... Financial difficulties, domestic squabbles and private idiosyncracies will be open to discovery, scrutiny and even jest by them... Also, excessive familiarity may also breed comtempt and disrespect in the home.... Marriage should not entail becoming the Red Cross, Salvation Army, or some other disaster relief agency . Much as couples should all try to reach out, relate with and contribute in all ramifications to their families beside their spouses and kids, they should definitely not sacrifice their privacy, respect and economy of mutual resources on the alter of satisfying a multitude Of course, the family members can visit, stay for very brief periods, then promptly relocate to somewhere else or wherever it is they came from... A couple's home isn't a hotel where weary travellers and disgruntled relations can lodge indefinitely for free Summary is.... MODERATION IS THE KEYWORD 17 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 6:42pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
They can always come around, definitely not permanent. No man is an island, family(extended) is a vital part of our lives. So, never shut them out but there should be a limit. 5 Likes |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by englishmart(m): 6:53pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
in omawumi's voice "if you ask me, na who I go ask? 1 Like |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 6:53pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
I once asked my EX this question in a subtle manner and her reply was 'cool'. I understand she is An Introvert and crowd puts her off and she just wants me alone, yea...but how realistic is that? But these things...no couple really plan to add more mouths, maybe some do. It just happens as Kachisbarbie implied |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by AndreRose(f): 6:57pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Its said that too much familiarity leads to contempt. At a time insult and disrespect will creep in. The house wil turn from sweet to bitter. And this can be caused by misunderstanding and who should be giving the "lions share" and as well jealousy of what and how lovely the husband treats the wife an vice versa. Even the sex life of the couple,as op opined, might be curtailed too. They are free to pay a visit but to stay permanently? No way! 2 Likes |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by ijecks(f): 7:01pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
yea,in many ways though |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Dahjhi: 7:04pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
AS KARCHISBABIE DON TALK IT SHOULD NOT BE PARMANENT And the moment to be spent should be defined....... Or else... Women (wifes) ehn.. And those relatives esp Ladies.... Na to turn sontin else later |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:08pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Dahjhi: Very true o. The last time I was in this position ehn, they tabled my matter for village. They said I am using all my husband's money to buy shoes. How many pairs kwanu? Just like 80 8 Likes |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:10pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Kachisbarbie: 80? 1 Like |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:15pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
AndreRose: Do you presume it's your decision to make? What if your hubby is the first and younger ones all depend financially on him? They have no place to stay while he has a duplex. His mum says they should live with him, what will be your reaction? |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:15pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Can't wait to have Tracy come spend some time in our house those as s she's been flaunting need to be tested Tracy is my fiance's younger Sis |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Dahjhi: 7:16pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Kachisbarbie:[size=24pt] LMAO... WHAT IF U CON BE SHOEFREAK? [/size] |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by AndreRose(f): 7:22pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
emusmith:We must have talked about this before getting married. And since he has a duplex, I guess he can afford a flat for them. And hopefully, if am successful, I can still take care of their flat. Its just how much I detest living with relatives. 1 Like |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:37pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Kachisbarbie: Chai I don die. *falls from plantain tree where he was hanging* 2 Likes |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by kilokeys(m): 7:43pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
so so true live-in relatives for young marriages.. a complete No-No.. but they could make an old couple life interesting.. couples would have stuff to gossip about when they lay to sleep. |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:48pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
emusmith:u jst acted like a family member in d village. wat if she was aving 160 befre ur brother met her. not directly to u but family members out thre who ar nothing but spy. |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:52pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
AndreRose: Yea. True. Why do you detest them? That's a strong word. Relatives are a part of the marriage, you know? Detesting them is choosing not to sail happily in marriage especially if they're many. Besides, relatives are people like us too. Don't mind me, I used to detest them until I got in their shoes in my search for a job in another state. I lived with my sis and hubby for four months... |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:55pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
afolag: I understand... I'm just seeing things from both perspectives 2 Likes |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by AndreRose(f): 8:46pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
emusmith:Am going to like my husbands relatives,that's for sure. And I can live with them too, but living with them for a very long time? I can't. Am just speaking from experience. Maybe mine might turn out good anyway. |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 9:06pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Kachisbarbie: I like you 2 Likes |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by amokeme(f): 10:12pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
I don't want any body in my house |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by missdebs(f): 10:27pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
ya, thats why the bible says a man shall leave his house and the woman also |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:05pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Majority of those who have commented before me have conveniently highlighted the disadvantages and left out the advantages. Let's not deceive ourselves, we all need each other. I live with a young couple myself, they both come back from work late at night and meet food on the table. The wife only cooks on Saturdays and Sundays. They need not bother about ironing their clothes which I do without being told, I sweep the house, clean the house, fetch water, wash the dishes, fuel the gen, and almost every other household chore you can think of. Did I tell you I also go to work just like them and come back very tired? Yes, they can get a maid. Need I remind you of the magodo maid? That apart, won't the maid also appear as an intruder? Won't the lack of privacy still be there? As much as I need their accommodation and might one way or the other inconvenience them, as far as I'm concerned, they also need me. So, before you talk of the lack of privacy and all that, remember you also need that cousin, that nephew, and that niece who wants to come and stay with you. 5 Likes |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:16pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
AndreRose: Nice Your heart tastes good..., Fear Not |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by cococandy(f): 11:16pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
Kachisbarbie:hehehe Carry on. Nothing do you. Always buy the very expensive ones. No non-designer brand. Make who wan quench go hang himself. Make sure you wear a different one from the last time you visited the person who complains the most. #willsoonconvertoneroomintoacloset |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:17pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
amokeme: I laffff |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by AndreRose(f): 11:20pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
emusmith: |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:21pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
rationalmind: Thanks bro. 100 LIKES! Most of our wives often get too busy with work or business. Who cares for the children? Who pick them from school? Washes their uniform? Clean the compound? Mow the lawn? etc Easier said than done 2 Likes |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by amokeme(f): 11:30pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
emusmith:all these wicked family members.. both what they see and what they did not see will be the topic of discussion to the rest of the family.. If atal Ill let someone stay, ill prefer a stranded stranger to a family member |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:33pm On Mar 15, 2015 |
amokeme: Someone else will or is calling you a Family member. If they address you as "wicked", is it okay? |
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by amokeme(f): 12:07am On Mar 16, 2015 |
emusmith:I understand exactly what am talking abt.. and if "they" want to address me as wicked, happy birthday to them |
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