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Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? - Family - Nairaland

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Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 6:39pm On Mar 15, 2015
In our African tradition, it's normal for relatives to move in with a couple: to assist with the house chores or to baby sit the kids or in most cases just to have a place to stay (especially when you're still hustling for a job in a state away from parents). However, when there are too many people in the house, it sometimes interferes with the couple's relationship, communication and sex life which may be affected as well (especially if the relatives are the wife's people *lol*).

So, is it really helpful to a marriage for relatives to move in with a couple? Or should a new couple avoid it if they can?


Do Live-in Relatives Ruin The Spark in a Marriage?



I notice that it varies with couples. Some couples find it more fun relating with someone else apart from their husband all the time. The live-in relatives even strengthen their love for each other in some cases While some others, it is disaster.

Guys, what do you think?

What are your experiences? Please share smiley

1 Share

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by buygala(m): 6:42pm On Mar 15, 2015
The major purpose of marriage isn't to turn your house into a village square or boarding house, but to give your nuclear family the privacy, comfort, and quietude that it deserves. undecided
.... One has all his bachelorhood or spinsterhood to adequately and exclusively take care of extended family and needy relations...


When there are extended family members co-habiting permanently or for long periods with a couple, there are practically no secrets in the house anymore.... Financial difficulties, domestic squabbles and private idiosyncracies will be open to discovery, scrutiny and even jest by them... Also, excessive familiarity may also breed comtempt and disrespect in the home....


Marriage should not entail becoming the Red Cross, Salvation Army, or some other disaster relief agency undecided. Much as couples should all try to reach out, relate with and contribute in all ramifications to their families beside their spouses and kids, they should definitely not sacrifice their privacy, respect and economy of mutual resources on the alter of satisfying a multitude angry

Of course, the family members can visit, stay for very brief periods, then promptly relocate to somewhere else or wherever it is they came from...
A couple's home isn't a hotel where weary travellers and disgruntled relations can lodge indefinitely for free undecided

Summary is.... MODERATION IS THE KEYWORD

17 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 6:42pm On Mar 15, 2015
They can always come around, definitely not permanent.
No man is an island, family(extended) is a vital part of our lives. So, never shut them out but there should be a limit.

5 Likes

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by englishmart(m): 6:53pm On Mar 15, 2015
in omawumi's voice "if you ask me, na who I go ask?

1 Like

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 6:53pm On Mar 15, 2015
I once asked my EX this question in a subtle manner and her reply was 'cool'. I understand she is An Introvert and crowd puts her off and she just wants me alone, yea...but how realistic is that?

But these things...no couple really plan to add more mouths, maybe some do.
It just happens as Kachisbarbie implied wink
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by AndreRose(f): 6:57pm On Mar 15, 2015
Its said that too much familiarity leads to contempt. At a time insult and disrespect will creep in. The house wil turn from sweet to bitter. And this can be caused by misunderstanding and who should be giving the "lions share" and as well jealousy of what and how lovely the husband treats the wife an vice versa.
Even the sex life of the couple,as op opined, might be curtailed too.
They are free to pay a visit but to stay permanently? No way!

2 Likes

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by ijecks(f): 7:01pm On Mar 15, 2015
yea,in many ways though
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Dahjhi: 7:04pm On Mar 15, 2015
AS KARCHISBABIE DON TALK IT SHOULD NOT BE PARMANENT And the moment to be spent should be defined....... Or else... Women (wifes) ehn.. And those relatives esp Ladies.... Na to turn sontin else later


Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:08pm On Mar 15, 2015
Dahjhi:
AS KARCHISBABIE DON TALK IT SHOULD NOT BE PARMANENT And the moment to be spent should be defined....... Or else... Women (wifes) ehn.. And those relatives esp Ladies.... Na to turn sontin else later



Very true o.
The last time I was in this position ehn, they tabled my matter for village. They said I am using all my husband's money to buy shoes.


How many pairs kwanu? Just like 80 grin

8 Likes

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:10pm On Mar 15, 2015
Kachisbarbie:


Very true o.
The last time I was in this position ehn, they tabled my matter for village. They said I am using all my husband's money to buy shoes.


How many pairs kwanu? Just like 80 grin

80? shocked

1 Like

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:15pm On Mar 15, 2015
AndreRose:
Its said that too much familiarity leads to negligence. At a time insult and disrespect will creep in. The house wil turn from sweet to bitter. And this can be caused by misunderstanding and who should be giving the "lions share" and as well jealousy of what and how lovely the husband treats the wife an vice versa. At a time the girls sis might start seducing the husband, and from there a lot of trouble will stir up.
Even the sex life of the couple will be curtailed too. They might not be as wild as they planned to.lol
They are free to pay a visit but to stay permanently? No way!


Do you presume it's your decision to make?

What if your hubby is the first and younger ones all depend financially on him? They have no place to stay while he has a duplex.

His mum says they should live with him, what will be your reaction?
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:15pm On Mar 15, 2015
Can't wait to have Tracy come spend some time in our house those as s she's been flaunting need to be tested


Tracy is my fiance's younger Sis
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Dahjhi: 7:16pm On Mar 15, 2015
Kachisbarbie:


Very true o.
The last time I was in this position ehn, they tabled my matter for village. They said I am using all my husband's money to buy shoes.


How many pairs kwanu? Just like 80 grin
[size=24pt] LMAO... WHAT IF U CON BE SHOEFREAK? cheesy grin[/size]
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by AndreRose(f): 7:22pm On Mar 15, 2015
emusmith:



Do you presume it's your decision to make?

What if your hubby is the first and younger ones all depend financially on him? They have no place to stay while he has a duplex.

His mum says they should live with him, what will be your reaction?
We must have talked about this before getting married. And since he has a duplex, I guess he can afford a flat for them. And hopefully, if am successful, I can still take care of their flat. Its just how much I detest living with relatives.

1 Like

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:37pm On Mar 15, 2015
Kachisbarbie:


How many pairs kwanu? Just like 80 grin
grin grin grin
Chai I don die. grin
*falls from plantain tree where he was hanging*

2 Likes

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by kilokeys(m): 7:43pm On Mar 15, 2015
so so true

live-in relatives for young marriages.. a complete No-No..

but they could make an old couple life interesting..

couples would have stuff to gossip about when they lay to sleep.
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:48pm On Mar 15, 2015
emusmith:


80? shocked
u jst acted like a family member in d village. wat if she was aving 160 befre ur brother met her.
not directly to u but family members out thre who ar nothing but spy.
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:52pm On Mar 15, 2015
AndreRose:

We must have talked about this before getting married. And since he has a duplex, I guess he can afford a flat for them. And hopefully, if am successful, I can still take care of their flat. Its just how much I detest living with relatives.

Yea. True.

Why do you detest them? That's a strong word.

Relatives are a part of the marriage, you know?

Detesting them is choosing not to sail happily in marriage undecided especially if they're many.

Besides, relatives are people like us too.

Don't mind me, I used to detest them until I got in their shoes in my search for a job in another state. I lived with my sis and hubby for four months... smiley
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 7:55pm On Mar 15, 2015
afolag:

u jst acted like a family member in d village. wat if she was aving 160 befre ur brother met her.
not directly to u but family members out thre who ar nothing but spy.

I understand... I'm just seeing things from both perspectives smiley

2 Likes

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by AndreRose(f): 8:46pm On Mar 15, 2015
emusmith:


Yea. True.

Why do you detest them? That's a strong word.

Relatives are a part of the marriage, you know?

Detesting them is choosing not to sail happily in marriage undecided especially if they're many.

Besides, relatives are people like us too.

Don't mind me, I used to detest them until I got in their shoes in my search for a job in another state. I lived with my sis and hubby for four months... smiley


Am going to like my husbands relatives,that's for sure. And I can live with them too, but living with them for a very long time? I can't. Am just speaking from experience. Maybe mine might turn out good anyway.
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 9:06pm On Mar 15, 2015
Kachisbarbie:


Very true o.
The last time I was in this position ehn, they tabled my matter for village. They said I am using all my husband's money to buy shoes.


How many pairs kwanu? Just like 80 grin

I like you cheesy

2 Likes

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by amokeme(f): 10:12pm On Mar 15, 2015
I don't want any body in my house sad
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by missdebs(f): 10:27pm On Mar 15, 2015
ya, thats why the bible says a man shall leave his house and the woman also
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:05pm On Mar 15, 2015
Majority of those who have commented before me have conveniently highlighted the disadvantages and left out the advantages.

Let's not deceive ourselves, we all need each other.

I live with a young couple myself, they both come back from work late at night and meet food on the table. The wife only cooks on Saturdays and Sundays. They need not bother about ironing their clothes which I do without being told, I sweep the house, clean the house, fetch water, wash the dishes, fuel the gen, and almost every other household chore you can think of. Did I tell you I also go to work just like them and come back very tired? Yes, they can get a maid. Need I remind you of the magodo maid? That apart, won't the maid also appear as an intruder? Won't the lack of privacy still be there?

As much as I need their accommodation and might one way or the other inconvenience them, as far as I'm concerned, they also need me.

So, before you talk of the lack of privacy and all that, remember you also need that cousin, that nephew, and that niece who wants to come and stay with you.

5 Likes

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:16pm On Mar 15, 2015
AndreRose:

Am going to like my husbands relatives,that's for sure. And I can live with them too, but living with them for a very long time? I can't. Am just speaking from experience. Maybe mine might turn out good anyway.

Nice wink

Your heart tastes good...grin, Fear Not tongue
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by cococandy(f): 11:16pm On Mar 15, 2015
Kachisbarbie:


Very true o.
The last time I was in this position ehn, they tabled my matter for village. They said I am using all my husband's money to buy shoes.


How many pairs kwanu? Just like 80 grin
grin hehehe

Carry on. Nothing do you.

Always buy the very expensive ones.
No non-designer brand.

Make who wan quench go hang himself.
Make sure you wear a different one from the last time you visited the person who complains the most. cheesy

#willsoonconvertoneroomintoacloset
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:17pm On Mar 15, 2015
amokeme:
I don't want any body in my house sad

I laffff
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by AndreRose(f): 11:20pm On Mar 15, 2015
emusmith:


Nice wink

Your heart tastes good...grin, Fear Not tongue
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:21pm On Mar 15, 2015
rationalmind:
Majority of those who have commented before me have conveniently highlighted the disadvantages and left out the advantages.

Let's not deceive ourselves, we all need each other.

I live with a young couple myself, they both come back from work late at night and meet food on the table. The wife only cooks on Saturdays and Sundays. They need not bother about ironing their clothes which I do without being told, I sweep the house, clean the house, fetch water, wash the dishes, fuel the gen, and almost every other household chore you can think of. Did I tell you I also got to work just like them and come back very tired? Yes, they can get a maid. Need I remind you of the magodo maid? That apart, won't the maid also appear as an intruder? Won't the lack of privacy still be there?

As much as I need their accommodation and might one way or the other inconvenience them, as far as I'm concerned, they also need me.

So, before you talk of the lack of privacy and all that, remember you also need that cousin, that nephew, and that niece who wants to come and stay with you.

Thanks bro. 100 LIKES!
Most of our wives often get too busy with work or business. Who cares for the children? Who pick them from school? Washes their uniform? Clean the compound? Mow the lawn? etc undecided

Easier said than done

2 Likes

Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by amokeme(f): 11:30pm On Mar 15, 2015
emusmith:


I laffff
all these wicked family members.. both what they see and what they did not see will be the topic of discussion to the rest of the family.. If atal Ill let someone stay, ill prefer a stranded stranger to a family member
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by Nobody: 11:33pm On Mar 15, 2015
amokeme:
all these wicked family members.. both what they see and what they did not see will be the topic of discussion to the rest of the family.. If atal Ill let someone stay, ill prefer a stranded stranger to a family member

Someone else will or is calling you a Family member. If they address you as "wicked", is it okay?
Re: Do Live-In Relatives Ruin The Spark In A Marriage? by amokeme(f): 12:07am On Mar 16, 2015
emusmith:


Someone else will or is calling you a Family member. If they address you as "wicked", is it okay?
I understand exactly what am talking abt.. and if "they" want to address me as wicked, happy birthday to them cool

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