₦airaland Forum

ZACHIE:
Yeah, kinda complicated considering Mother-Son bond but, a few things need to be got straight.

One, by what magic was your wife able to phone you while battling with your mother on the sofa?

Aside that however, if indeed your Mum asked to be given those pictures, your wife has no choice but to give her, after all, you call always reprint them.
EVEN If she didn`t demand for the pictures and took them, your wife still should sheathe her bad manners and for the sake of peace, give her the pictures.

Nonissue.

But, since she has no respect left whatsoever for your Mum and your Mum wouldn't trade her pride for peace, you may need to play the Devil,s advocacy here.

Talk to the both of them as candidly as possible. No stories.

Tell them how much you love them both. And how much you want them in your life.
But that if they continue to live like mutual enemies, YOU the MAN WILL BE GONE.

GONE FOR THE 2 OF THEM TO EAT THEMSELVES UP.

TheFilmmaker:
We probably have different family backgrounds and one of the moral tenets of my family (not married yet) is to shun hypocrisy. That it.

We shun hypocrisy. I will never ever ever ever slap my mother. Nor another person's mother. I, therefore, will never condone such.

I don't know about you. If she can slap your mother, then you can slap your mother too. Savvy?

Thunder04:
so anybody can slap ur mum cos he or she hv pride to protect she should go nd slap her mum not mine,do u normally smoke weed i guess yes nd for ur informatn nobody i said nobody can slap my mum talkless of mannerless wife,if is her mother dat slap her will she slap her back cos she has stupid pride to protect, get some life dude.

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

moca:
Mr perfectionist, u r a man.
Sentiments aside, u wouldn't and shouldn't have left them cos u know they r volcanoes waiting to explode.

Sentiments aside too, ur mother didntt act her age. She is supposed to let that act glide and approach u for a picture when she sees u.
So because ur wife refused to give her a picture,that gives her the right to slap her?
Does she slap u carelessly anytime u or uur siblings go against her wish or is it just because she is the wife,an outsider and a slave according to some culture(yep I know our culture and history very well)
And she didn't respect u nor those that came with her.
As for me, she is grounded.

Now coming to ur wife.
She doesn't have decorum. Behaves like agbero. Disrespected her house, husband,her guests and family.
U don't nib that childish act,she will take it as a clue to explode.
Yep, she has whatever grudge against ur mother. Fine but she would hv respected u and if she can't bear to sit and wait for u,she should have gone out to breathe fresh her.
That might cool her down.
It's not all times we r confronted that we show we are strong and have no fear.
Wisdom is profitable to all iff applied well.

She don't wanna give ur mum picture and I don't ever blame her cos she has her reasons and the baby is hers. She should hv told mama that u will bring it to her. Find one useless but smart excuse and give her.

Assuming it's me,as soon as mama slaped me,i will carry my baby and leave the house untill u come back buut she has lost my respect forever.

So as a man, don't do blame game. The two are at fault. Be stern and tell ur mum she crossed the boundary.
It's bc of our useless tradition else she and ur wife are supposed to apologize to each other,
But the culture I know, wifey must kneel down and buy some stuffs for appeasement while mama will go free.
So guy, go and put ur house in order b4 it burns everybody down.

ZACHIE:
PERFECTIONST......haha what a moniker.
You are perfect, you dont need any advice from anyone jorr

xdos:
The truth...
What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. No matter how good a MIL is or a DIL is, they cannot live together. One thing I have discovered is, women are territorial in nature.
For me.. My mum will leave my house that minute. She has no right whatsoever to touch my wife or ask me to send her packing. What is she trying to do? run my house for me?.. She is more like trying to tell you that you are not man enough... Your mum's authority ends in her husband's house.
After she must have left my house, I'll now talk to my wife... I'll rebuke her for fighting with an elderly woman.. For her to fight with my mum is purely lack of respect for me... She would have simply gone to her room and wait for me to come back and handle the issue myself.

I wont send her packing becos my mum said so.. I wont rebuke her in my mum's presence... In all.. Wisdom is profitable to direct!

Xtfield:
FOR THIS CAUSE SHALL A MAN LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO THE WIFE. Let your mother go. She is someone else's wife.

aswani:
If this is a true story then your wife has 99% of blame.

She is so attached to an ordinary picture that she is putting you in such a difficult position. Where is the maturity in telling you when you return that a picture she likes has been taken and she will like you to retrieve it? I am sure she knows how your mum feels about her and she should be sensible enough to always be on alert for situations that can escalate such as this.

Sometimes some people deserve terrible things happening to them to put their lives in perspective. Ordinary picture is not what should be so important.

And don't listen to al these people pointing fingers at your mum. They won't try it in their own lives because they know the consequences.

The 1% blame of your mum is that she should have gone home rather than slap your wife.

Don't leave your wife for the sake of your children. Take the whole damn album to your mum and let her keep the thing.

In time she will mellow and her relationship with your wife will get better. You can't be doing WWF with your mother-in-law and expect all hell not to break lose regardless of the cause.

One more time, ignore all these so called "it is your wife's matrimonial home" women. This is real life here, not Mills and Boons or some other fantasist nonsense,

pendy79:
@ perfectionist reading some of the comments here will make you lose both ways if you don't handle this properly.

Most of the ladies advising you here hate and wish their mother in law should just die so they vent their frustration with the kind of silly advise they are giving you.

Bo wo fun Iya re, Respect your mother is written in all books of God. Will your wife fight with her own mum.for slapping her? No reasonable woman will raise her hands against her husband's younger siblings not to talk of his mum.
Appeal to your wife to go her parents temporarily while you resolve with your mum, her anger will go down if she know she out of the house even temporal that will make her feel respected and make your wife know she went too far.

While she's with her folks, get her father or mum or any member of her family, your pastor, an elder from your mother's family and any of your mum's close friend to appease and beg your mother.

Don't side with a woman who COULD RAISE HER HAND TO YOUR MOTHER, WILL SHE SLAP HER OWN MUM? Have you fought your mum in.her presence to give her the impetus to do such a stupid act.

Someone said his father didn't relate with his mother till she died because of his wife, is that an advise from a reasonable human being?

What your mum want is RESPECT and the fact your wife toil that line of disrespect then it is appropriate you make her see how wrong she was.

God help you heal your home.

Vyolet:
The wife is not to be blamed but the mother who started the fight by slapping the DIL,why on earth should you even raise your hands at an adult.

Wifey also misbehaved and disrespected you she should have ran out of the house or locked herself in the room until you return,rather than engage in a fight like street fighter.


Verdict: get wifey to beg mama,and let sleeping dog lie.


I'm sure by now,mama would know her limits and she won't dare start any fight again.

iiichidodo:
[color=#1980BC] Psychoanalyzing this, we can observe where the wuss gene sprung off from to warrant all these "my wife is my life my mother can go to hell" nonsense. Ofcourse you are your hen pecked father's son.... A flaming bastard would have had bigger balls and manhood. [/color]

Emmydek:
Some slaps are important!
This will never happen in US where i live...
Wife and husband not wife,husband and family members.....

I support that your wife. Your mum must have lied. The onlookers are good liars...

It could be solved! Tell ur mum your wife is you and you are your wife...tell ur mum to treat both of u rightly

tell ur wife ur mum is you and you are your mum....tell her to treat both of you respectedly

MadCow1:
My take..

First and foremost Sir, you are a married man and your loyalty is to your wife and kids not your mother. This is the harsh and hard truth.

Secondly your mother has the least right when it comes to making demands in your matrimonial home. The mother of the baby refused to give her pictures of the baby and she has every right to do so because she is the mother. Remember that your mother's beef with your wife stems primarily from the fact that she is your mother so technically she is being served with her own medicine. The photographs are of your child and if your mother wanted any of them, she should have asked your wife or your permission first, not to proceed to take it without her consent.

And the fact that your mother threw the first slap is even most shocking to me. Some wives would have laid her out with one blow. Your wife has every right to protect herself in her house from anybody including you. Let me make it clear; The intruder here is your mum, the person who instigated the fight is your mum, the person who threw the first blow is your mum, the person who had the right to give out photos of the baby is your wife and if your mum got scratched in the process it was as a result of your mother's failure to act with maturity. She could have waited for your return to ask for the photos but rather she took it upon herself to assault your wife and got what she had coming.

Finally, if all efforts to genuinely broker peace fails, then in the interest of your immediate family, keep your mother in her home and keep your wife in hers. Nothing says they must be friends. But in all, your primary interest should be towards your wife not your mother.

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

MadCow1:
My Father sent his mum packing from the house after she had blatantly refused to allow his new wife then (my mum) have any peace at home. Infact one day my grandma came from the village with a girl and started evicting my mum from the house. Needless to say my mum stood her ground and threw my grandma out of the house with the girl. When my dad returned from work and saw his mum outside, he found out what happened, gave her money to go find a hotel to stay the night and return to the village with an instruction not to return until she was ready to respect and accept his wife.

Needless to say, but after many years (over 6 years) of no communication, they reconciled and became the best of friends and became even closer than my Dad was to her.

I remember when I went through a serious fight with my mum and went to my Dad to mediate, he said something to me that I would never forget; He said I know your mum is wrong and I have told her in my own way, but if you expect me to take sides with you on this matter against my wife then you are stupider than I would have thought. My dad always made it clear that in every situation, his wife comes first even before us his kids.

That is the same mantra I hold till this day. Find a good woman and marry her and hold her close to your heart. Protect her with all you have against everyone and everything including yourself and even your kids. Never make your wife feel like she is an outsider, never take sides with anybody against her. Never reprimand her in the presence of a third party. Treat her like you would treat yourself as she is an extension of you not a third party.

Even my mother knows she can't touch my wife.

Thunder04:
His mum is a liar just as ur mum,and ur his wife beatn her mum just like ur family culture fool.

MadCow1:
Me?

Suffered abuse?

From my mother?

Or whose mother abused me?




Nah hommie.. My mother was the ultimate in women. Nobody comes close. A Lioness towards her kids, an eagle towards her husband. I grew up in the perfect home. Never once saw my father hit my mother, only once did I ever witness my father take sides with a Pastor against his wife and he saw the end result, made his peace with his wife and it has never repeated itself till tomorrow. My parents are the ideal model for what a good and sound marriage should be.

That said; My mother also taught me the importance of a wife to a man. She always taught me to treat my wife the same way I saw my father treat her. Though we are close, she knows that my wife comes first. My mother taught me to never place anybody including her above my wife. My mother taught me to love and cover my wife jealously like a mother would her child. My mother also taught me not to hit my wife.

Now if you are a mummy's boy, please be that as I am also a mummy's boy. But if you can't tell that your wife comes before your mother, then you may want to go ask your mother if her husband (your father) was her twin brother that she married.

aflyingbird:
why are some of y'all blaming the wife ?

OP , ur mother wanted to take the photos, but u didn't mention her wanting to print them and bring back the original. 1) ur wife had every right to prevent her from taking the photos ( they are her photos after all ), especially if there was no mention of printing. they r child dedication photos dat mean a lot to ur wife , of course she won't let anyone take them just like that . 2) ur mother had no right to slap ur wife just 'cus ur wife said she couldn't take the pictures. why hit her? she isn't ur child neither is she a little kid to be slapped anyhow. u don't put ur hands on anyone. let's be fair here : your mother initiated this fight. ur mother had her sister n friend there so of course they will take her side, ur wife is the lone ranger dat they ganged up on , but if u ask me she is the victim . they were probably looking for a fight from the start

perfectionist:
My wife would gladly do that but my mother has threatened fire and brimstone if I ever show up at her place with my wife.

ireneidiva:
How can a mother slap her married daughter the mother deserves a slap in return!