justwise:
[/b] No she is MIL from hell

Imoy:


Lolz, now its peace and no longer silly?

Talk about attack, u started it.

cos u sounded as if only DsIL are required to be good humans.... stop being biased

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

@OP:

Sad you are caught up in this mess

Your mom is very much at fault here. It is NOT her pictures (she has a right to have the pictures of her grandkids) however this is you & wife's copies. If she wanted some pictures, she could have asked you to reprint for her.

Assuming she asked wifey and wifey said NO, she should leave it at that (probably 'report' wifey to you later or ask you for it).

She also knew there was bad blood between them and as an elder, know that your wife will not be comfortable giving the pictures to her.

I also do not know what gave mama the guts to slap your wife. You need to look into at how you present her to your family.

Your wife should not have fought your mom (easy to say) and should apologize


YOU:
It is your duty to protect your wife from your family and vice versa. The moment you said I do, you left your parents/family and determined to build a new home with your wife which is controlled by the both of you.

Your family members are jokers and you need to address whatever gives them the guts to mess around in your home.

ANYBODY not comfortable with your rules should go elsewhere

I wonder why some in-laws do not know their place as in-laws.

@end of mother and son relationship: you can tell her that you cannot end the relationship with your wife also.

Goodluck.

emmatok:


This is 2015 and divorce rate is on the high side.

The wife is behaving that way to separate t
he man from his mother.This woman will destroying the man, then ru away.Thats code of 2015 selfish wifey.

I won't sacrifice my happiness for any selfish woman.
Marriage is not a must.

That is a good conclusion my brother

Nobody wants a selfish man/husband too.

ColinAdua:




THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY WE TELL YOUNG MEN TO CONSIDER STAYING UNMARRIED FOR LIFE.

https://www.nairaland.com/2217167/reasons-why-should-consider-staying/1#32028751

IMAGINE THE EMBARRASSMENT FROM BOTH SIDES.

IF YOU'RE SINGLE YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS KIND OF STRESSFUL EMBARRASSING SITUATION.

MOREOVER, MY MOTHER SAID THE MIL IS VERY WRONG. AND THE DIL DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO GO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS BUT SHE CAN ASK SINCE SHE'S YOUNGER.

MY MOTHER IS SERIOUSLY AGAINST THE MIL. SHE IS A VERY WISE PERSON ALMOST 70YRS. ONE OF KEY MEMBERS IN OUR WOMEN ARBITRATORS IN OUR HOME TOWN.

SHE SAID THE MIL IS VERY WRONG. SHE SAID THAT IF IT IS IN THEIR WOMEN TASK FORCE ARBITRATION GROUP THAT THE MIL WILL BE HEAVILY TONGUE LASHED AND FINED. WHY?
1) FOR GOING TO ANOTHER WOMEN'S HOME TO FIGHT.

2) FOR SLAPPING FIRST.

PERSONALLY, I THINK YOUR MOTHER IS VERY TROUBLESOME. SHE NEEDS SERIOUS WARNING. THE HOUSE IS YOUR WIFE'S OWN SHE DICTATES THE TUNE.

YOUR WIFE IS WRONG TO FIGHT BACK THOUGH, BUT SHE HAD TO DEFEND HER DOMAIN. ITS A BASIC INSTINCT IN MAN.

YOU HAVE SOME BLAME TOO. WHY? YOU DIDN'T SET BOUNDARIES TO THEM FROM THE BEGINNING. ESPECIALLY YOUR MOTHER.

SO DO THE NEEDFUL PUT YOUR HOME IN ORDER. NEVER LISTEN TO ANYONE TO SEND YOUR WIFE OUT.

FOR ME I WILL EVEN BUY HER IPHONE6(LOLS).

MadCow1:



My take..

First and foremost Sir, you are a married man and your loyalty is to your wife and kids not your mother. This is the harsh and hard truth.

Secondly your mother has the least right when it comes to making demands in your matrimonial home. The mother of the baby refused to give her pictures of the baby and she has every right to do so because she is the mother. Remember that your mother's beef with your wife stems primarily from the fact that she is your mother so technically she is being served with her own medicine. The photographs are of your child and if your mother wanted any of them, she should have asked your wife or your permission first, not to proceed to take it without her consent.

And the fact that your mother threw the first slap is even most shocking to me. Some wives would have laid her out with one blow. Your wife has every right to protect herself in her house from anybody including you. Let me make it clear; The intruder here is your mum, the person who instigated the fight is your mum, the person who threw the first blow is your mum, the person who had the right to give out photos of the baby is your wife and if your mum got scratched in the process it was as a result of your mother's failure to act with maturity. She could have waited for your return to ask for the photos but rather she took it upon herself to assault your wife and got what she had coming.

Finally, if all efforts to genuinely broker peace fails, then in the interest of your immediate family, keep your mother in her home and keep your wife in hers. Nothing says they must be friends. But in all, your primary interest should be towards your wife not your mother.

Thank you!

All these things happen because of how the husband presents his wife to his family!

justwise:


Some women here supporting the MIL will not take such nonsense in their own marriages. My mother coming to my house to beat my wife? What planet is she from?

Some people here will accuse you of hating your mother or being whipped
Madcow has been called names because he will protect his wife if that need arises
In their warped thinking your wife is replaceable your mother is not so she is entitled to do whatever she wishes including beat your wife in your absence.
A girl on another MIL thread recounted how her MIL Poured soup on her because it wasn't up to her taste
Imagine that
I read the other story of an MIL that couldn't live with her own husband,was taken in by a kind hearted DIL and still went there to cause havoc,tackling the woman to the ground for nothing.
I thank God there are men like you,the womenfolk are glad for it
What gives anyone the right to do this to someone in their own home

Op, its realy a big one for you but to be honest i think your wife shouldn't have fight back no matter her stage of anger . The big question is can she fight her mum when she slaps her. I know its her home but if your mum didn't give birth to you and train you into what you are today obviously she won't be fighting her MIL. Mother's always show jealousy when their sons are married its natural. The best option would have being her walking away to the room till you come home. Lets assume the picture is just that one she would have simply say mum i will call the photographer to get more copies and peace will reign. The devil you see is so trickish what if in the cause of the fight you loose your mum because of copy of a picture belive me you will not even remember you love your wife how much more her being the mother of your kids. The deed has being done, she should beg your mum to forgive her. And also ask God for forgiveness. Remember honour your father and mother for your days to be long....

NmaGOD44:
cos u sounded as if only DsIL are required to be good humans.... stop being biased

Young woman, am an African man, in my culture, my wife is not permitted to even have a quarrel with my mother not to even talk about beating or fighting her.

Any woman who does that to my mother will not only be divorced but jailed, call me watever u want I don't bloody care.

This is my life and culture, I don't expect u to believe me.

#No sensible wife fights her MIL, no matter the condition.

Sophyrocks:


Thank you bo. She is talking about manners and being cultured as if the MIL displayed a good one there. I thought the elderly are meant to live by example.

How does fighting mean you acted better than the MIL? If you think all elders will live by example because that's what's said, then you aren't wise.

kayangel:
Op, its realy a big one for you but to be honest i think your wife shouldn't have fight back no matter her stage of anger . The big question is can she fight her mum when she slaps her. I know its her home but if your mum didn't give birth to you and train you into what you are today obviously she won't be fighting her MIL. Mother's always show jealousy when their sons are married its natural. The best option would have being her walking away to the room till you come home. Lets assume the picture is just that one she would have simply say mum i will call the photographer to get more copies and peace will reign. The devil you see is so trickish what if in the cause of the fight you loose your mum because of copy of a picture belive me you will not even remember you love your wife how much more her being the mother of your kids. The deed has being done, she should beg your mum to forgive her. And also ask God for forgiveness. Remember honour your father and mother for your days to be long....

And what if it had been the mom that killed the wife
Is the wife immortal?
Isn't there a chance this violent mother of his would have hit her where it killed her or used an object to help herself in this fight she instigated

freecocoa:
How does fighting mean you acted better than the MIL? If you think all elders will live by example because that's what's said, then you aren't wise.

My sister, no matter how we look at it, the instigator of the madness is the MIL. There was peace. but war broke out by the MIL. If we dnt nip the issue of MIL crossing boundaries in the bud, this issue will continue and more and more MILs will met more abuse on DILs and DILs in turn will fight back. As an elderly person, dnt you feel low going to fight someone younger than you are? Over petty issues? Please there are things elderly people do not stoop low to do. If the MIL was NOT the instigator, i would fault the DIL totally. Thats my take. we must not agree on this.

justwise:


Some women here supporting the MIL will not take such nonsense in their own marriages. My mother coming to my house to beat my wife? What planet is she from?

I am definitely not a push over and can never be one, but I was raised well, I get what I want by how I act, you should command respect.

If my MIL for any reason slaps me, I will not hit her back but she will never try it again.

If you know better than someone, you don't act like them.


There can be exceptions, where it's necessary to hit back, this is too petty.

freecocoa:
Believe me, no one has this mentality of, "Being an elder doesn't give you right to misbehave" than me, I totally agree that being older doesn't mean wiser or superior, I believe that respect is reciprocal, everyone deserves respect.

Still, there is this unwritten rule about respecting elders first, MIL was wrong no doubt, she hit DIL, do you sincerely believe hitting and fighting her is the best way to go about the issue? Will you support hitting anyone back immediately without thinking twice let alone an elder? Understand that I agree MIL is at fault btw.

This is about manners, it's not just about always being right, I believe the two holy books instructed that elders/parents be honored, does the fact that mama broke a commandment mean you should break one? What makes you wiser than mama then? If this wife behaves like this already, she'll be worse than mama later on.

Hello, all around the world. deference to the elderly is encouraged. But here in Nigeria, elders take the advantage too far. They bully, denigerate and mistreat their subordinates, the subordinates growing up continue the circle. We are in the problem we currently face as a nation because our elders have refused to behave their age or use their wisdom towards beneficial ends. Sacred texts advocate respect to elders, yes, but they also admonish us to do as we would like done to us. Remove emotional sentiments and hierarchy from this argument. Let's analyse it on the basis of two razz women fighting. I bet yhur judgement would be more logical. And so will many of ôus taking sides in the matter. The mama instigated the violence, she belittled her age and abused her exalted position. The daughter is not free of blame because she had a choice of restraint but chose to reply in like manner. Anyways OP has hinted of beef. And as a woman yhurself, yhu know how yhur beefs are like.

freecocoa:
Lmao @ weaker bones but that is a point to consider sha..

Omo, do you know the kind of liver it requires to fight someone older, just older than you o in a family?, let alone your hubby's mother? The mama is very wrong to slap wifey, no doubt but this wifey no innocent abeg. To me, it's like raising hands to slap my mum.

I can yell at someone older, even my parents, bad as e bad(worst case scenario) but to hit them, and to the point of leaving marks? I don't see it happening.

Even with my level of always "throwing logic" as accused by my family , I no fit turn lawyer for this kind matter, there are somethings you just don't do, this has nothing to do with, how mama is overbearing, yes we agree, she can be that and more but you don't slap a woman like that, especially over an issue like this, it's too much.

plus then again, how is it possible to land slap on someone's face because they refused to give you a photo?

I'm 100% sure there was an intense verbal exchange before the slap landed.

Now, the moment the wife retaliated, was the moment she becomes an aggressor; an equal aggressor. So aggressive she left bruises on the mother's face.


Don't mind all these theory husbands on NL. Who would see their ma' with bruises on her face and still be forming "me and my wife"??

I'll so spaz out at that sight if I were OP. As in, I'll lose it!

It's a different case if it's wife vs SIL? But your ma'? That's tew much.

Sophyrocks:


My sister, no matter how we look at it, the instigator of the madness is the MIL. There was peace. but war broke out by the MIL. If we dnt nip the issue of MIL crossing boundaries, this issue will continue and more and more MILs will met more abuse on DILs. As an elderly person, dnt you feel low going to fight someone younger than you are? Over petty issues? Please there are things elderly people do not stoop low to do. Thats my take. we must not agree on this.

Ofcourse we must not agree, we can agree to disagree anytime.

This is just a little something to reflect on.

I start by condemning the MIL, she shouldn't slap her DIL or even anyone, especially adult.

Now, can you you can slap an elderly person who slapped you first?

freecocoa:
Ofcourse we must not agree, we can agree to disagree anytime.

This is just a little something to reflect on.

I start by condemning the MIL, she shouldn't slap her DIL or even anyone, especially adult.

Now, can you you can slap an elderly person who slapped you first?

I would not. which was why i said the wife was also wrong and should apologise. But it would be a war of words for me. My MIL would not leave without been bashed at with words.

MadCow1:



My Father sent his mum packing from the house after she had blatantly refused to allow his new wife then (my mum) have any peace at home. Infact one day my grandma came from the village with a girl and started evicting my mum from the house. Needless to say my mum stood her ground and threw my grandma out of the house with the girl. When my dad returned from work and saw his mum outside, he found out what happened, gave her money to go find a hotel to stay the night and return to the village with an instruction not to return until she was ready to respect and accept his wife.

Needless to say, but after many years (over 6 years) of no communication, they reconciled and became the best of friends and became even closer than my Dad was to her.

I remember when I went through a serious fight with my mum and went to my Dad to mediate, he said something to me that I would never forget; He said I know your mum is wrong and I have told her in my own way, but if you expect me to take sides with you on this matter against my wife then you are stupider than I would have thought. My dad always made it clear that in every situation, his wife comes first even before us his kids.

That is the same mantra I hold till this day. Find a good woman and marry her and hold her close to your heart. Protect her with all you have against everyone and everything including yourself and even your kids. Never make your wife feel like she is an outsider, never take sides with anybody against her. Never reprimand her in the presence of a third party. Treat her like you would treat yourself as she is an extension of you not a third party.

Even my mother knows she can't touch my wife.

LOL! @ bolded

Must have inherited your dad's personality

MadCow1:


Me?

Suffered abuse?

From my mother?

Or whose mother abused me?




Nah hommie.. My mother was the ultimate in women. Nobody comes close. A Lioness towards her kids, an eagle towards her husband. I grew up in the perfect home. Never once saw my father hit my mother, only once did I ever witness my father take sides with a Pastor against his wife and he saw the end result, made his peace with his wife and it has never repeated itself till tomorrow. My parents are the ideal model for what a good and sound marriage should be.

That said; My mother also taught me the importance of a wife to a man. She always taught me to treat my wife the same way I saw my father treat her. Though we are close, she knows that my wife comes first. My mother taught me to never place anybody including her above my wife. My mother taught me to love and cover my wife jealously like a mother would her child. My mother also taught me not to hit my wife.

Now if you are a mummy's boy, please be that as I am also a mummy's boy. But if you can't tell that your wife comes before your mother, then you may want to go ask your mother if her husband (your father) was her twin brother that she married.

I always dey gbadun your posts on 'some' issues

callola:
op, am sorry to say this, ur wife lacks respect. I remembered the first thing my hubby told me the very day he introduce me to his mum. He said" as u r coming into this family have it at the back of ur head that i have younger brothers that will get married one day, on no occassion should u exchange words let alone fight at my absence because, i will not support u rather i will be against u. If such should happen, u have every right to walk away and report to him. He is the one to take action not me" if ur wife walked away ur home will be peaceful.

sorry to say this but ur husband is silly for saying dat and u are even more silly for sharing it with us here.....he should tell u not to fight cos it will damage ur image not cos he won't support u....wat kinda silly talk is dat??....wat if his youngest brother slapped u and u slapped him right back and he will come home and scold u for slapping his younger brother dat should be same age as urs??.......very silly indeed.....some people shaaaa....taking nonsense from their so called husbands ......

Raymie:


Hello, all around the world. deference to the elderly is encouraged. But here in Nigeria, elders take the advantage too far. They bully, denigerate and mistreat their subordinates, the subordinates growing up continue the circle. We are in the problem we currently face as a nation because our elders have refused to behave their age or use their wisdom towards beneficial ends. Sacred texts advocate respect to elders, yes, but they also admonish us to do as we would like done to us. Remove emotional sentiments and hierarchy from this argument. Let's analyse it on the basis of two razz women fighting. I bet yhur judgement would be more logical. And so will many of ôus taking sides in the matter. The mama instigated the violence, she belittled her age and abused her exalted position. The daughter is not free of blame because she had a choice of restraint but chose to reply in like manner. Anyways OP has hinted of beef. And as a woman yhurself, yhu know how yhur beefs are like.

Thank you for saying the bolded. I would have faulted the wife 100% only if she was the instigator. But since na the MIL find trouble, the larger blame goes to her.

Imoy:


Young woman, am an African man, in my culture, my wife is not permitted to even have a quarrel with my mother not to even talk about beating or fighting her.

Any woman who does that to my mother will not only be divorced but jailed, call me watever u want I don't bloody care.

This is my life and culture, I don't expect u to believe me.

#No sensible wife fights her MIL, no matter the condition.

now I actually laugh in Chinese.....African man indeed....so ur culture permits ur mom to beat up ur wife or even throw her outa her home......hypocritical and highly biased humans

Raymie:


Hello, all around the world. deference to the elderly is encouraged. But here in Nigeria, elders take the advantage too far. They bully, denigerate and mistreat their subordinates, the subordinates growing up continue the circle. We are in the problem we currently face as a nation because our elders have refused to behave their age or use their wisdom towards beneficial ends. Sacred texts advocate respect to elders, yes, but they also admonish us to do as we would like done to us. Remove emotional sentiments and hierarchy from this argument. Let's analyse it on the basis of two razz women fighting. I bet yhur judgement would be more logical. And so will many of ôus taking sides in the matter. The mama instigated the violence, she belittled her age and abused her exalted position. The daughter is not free of blame because she had a choice of restraint but chose to reply in like manner. Anyways OP has hinted of beef. And as a woman yhurself, yhu know how yhur beefs are like.

This isn't about sentiments, the two women are razz alright but who do you think is worse?

You still don't get the fact that I don't support MIL, I'm saying, courtesy demands that DIL walks away, it has nothing to do with supporting MIL, this girl is mannerless, the mother in law can even get away with it based on the misguided notion held of elders you talked about, what excuse does the DIL have?

Anyone who has no issue fighting elders, is very mannerless, you can't give what you don't have.

I am a no nonsense type of person, if you hear me talk with grown ups, you'll say "this girl no dey fear o" I am known for that but wisdom is profitable to direct.

A wise woman will think before hitting back, if this MIL has a habit of hitting DIL, then we would be talking something else.

NmaGOD44:
sorry to say this but ur husband is silly for saying dat and u are even more silly for sharing it with us here.....he should tell u not to fight cos it will damage ur image not cos he won't support u....wat kinda silly talk is dat??....wat if his youngest brother slapped u and u slapped him right back and he will come home and scold u for slapping his younger brother dat should be same age as urs??.......very silly indeed.....some people shaaaa....taking nonsense from their so called husbands ......

That was at the introduction o
Marriage never happen
At the introduction of her MIL to be to her,her husband read her the riot act
That will scare the day lights out of me
The reason many women take all the crap in the name of marriage is perhaps the sort of family they came from
If I or my sisters were being maltreated by our husbands in the name of marriage,we knew our dads arms will happily welcome us home
He is well able financially to take care of his daughters and his grandchildren
He didn't get rid of us by marriage such that we had no support if we were being beaten like criminals because of marriage

In the same way,I am 100% sure that my husband will throw in jail any man that laid a hand on his girls and if happens to be a mother in law,I know he will read out the riot act to that son in law

Infact I intend to sit my future sons in law down when that time comes to tell him Ho ha from my heart
That I never saw my father hit my mom
And that he should ask my daughter if she ever saw her father hit me
So in the same vein,I don't want to hear of any physical abuse.
If you feel you are tired of my daughter and can't work it out,don't touch her,she has people that love her and won't appreciate you hurting her

NmaGOD44:
now I actually laugh in Chinese.....African man indeed....so ur culture permits ur mom to beat up ur wife or even throw her outa her home......hypocritical and highly biased humans

African man indeed. African man wey dey behave like a wussie. Na only mouth e get o.

He should just get ready for more fights to settle in the future. E never sabi anything. E dey here dey beat chest. get his wife jailed my foot!

Did I read somewhere that the Wife retaliated the slap?? ( again sorry I didn't finish reading the story and won't )

What happened to the "responsible party should walk away" Abuse/Violence Rule ??

NL Pipu

#foaming from both sides of their mouth since 1800AD#

Grandma sorry, you no fall ma hand jare. A simple case of two fighting

...@op your wife was wrong to retaliate but your mum takes most of the blame like 90%..

..I just cant understand how some women just wont mind their home and leave their son and his family in peace ..

...i mean this story is really pathetic to say the least...an elderly woman that wont just respect herself.

..imagine going to another woman's house to bully and slap her around just because she is married to her son..what sort of nonsense is that?

....The boys crying mummy up and down on this thread should kindly abstain from marriage and live with their mums for the rest of their lives...no be by force to marry.

Babyosi no matter how you see it she shouldn't have fought her mother inlaw because of a slap. Can you fight your mum because she slapped you? Or will you applaud your sister inlaw to beat up your mum because she slapped her?

Ewuro4:
Did I read somewhere that the Wife retaliated the slap?? ( again sorry I didn't finish reading the story and won't )

What happened to the "responsible party should walk away" Abuse/Violence Rule ??

NL Pipu

#foaming from both sides of their mouth since 1800AD#

Grandma sorry, you no fall ma hand jare. A simple case of two fighting

Walk away is in verbal altercation
Man and wife arguing
You say man can strike the woman and be justified I said a mature man will walk away and will not hit the wife
I know you are too dense to sort these things out

NmaGOD44:
now I actually laugh in Chinese.....African man indeed....so ur culture permits ur mom to beat up ur wife or even throw her outa her home......hypocritical and highly biased humans

Like I said, try and get married, then and only then will u understand the tru african culture.


For now, u can brag all u want.

Sophyrocks:


The bolded is very true. Only God knows what the wife has gone through in the hands of this woman. For the wife to be jovial towards her shows she wanted peace. But alas, that was not what her MIL wanted. She even came with a gang. LOL. Well planned i must say.

She came with a gang and still got beaten up I would be pained ...lessons learnt!

And OP said he loves his wife which shows she's a good woman and has been enduring MIL for God knows how long. He would be silly to let his family ruin his happiness by sending his wife out

Honestly you and babyosisi has made my day with your contributions on this thread.

Sophyrocks:


I would not. which was why i said the wife was also wrong and should apologise. But it would be a war of words for me. My MIL would not leave without been bashed at with words.

You see, MIL is wrong but it will never be okay that DIL hit back.

Na lawyer them dey call me for house, if I present my argument, my parents will say "so we are in a court now abi" still, I cannot do what DIL, why do I now call myself educated with class?