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Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by gudluckgreat(m): 1:33pm On May 14, 2015
flairlady:

The youngest is over three years,does their age matter?

Yea it does as well as if theire mother usually come around to see them

U need to gain their trust and love as like their dad to enable them see you as family. Another factor should be what transpired BTW the man and the mum of those kids.
As in hope what made them not staying together isn't much a thing to worry.
If its not and if you are sure u can get those kids to see you as family,then why not?

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Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by Nobody: 1:46pm On May 14, 2015
flairlady:
What are the dangers?Does it really matter?Is it such a big deal?its really scary as he already has two kids with a woman he never got married to.


All that baggage ?
Are you from a polygamous home
Did your father have kids here and there out of wedlock
That is the only person that will see this as normal
Most twenty something year olds wouldn't think for one second before giving an answer
Most girls in your position will chop his money and leave him,marriage will not be a consideration ,I am not advocating you chop his money,I don't even know how my fingers typed that grin grin
Anyway you catch my drift

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Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by Nobody: 7:31pm On May 14, 2015
flairlady:
I find myself loving this guy,the only obstacle i see now is the kids,so worried about it,that is why i brought it here to know what others think.
Loyalty issues had to do with her been secretive,lacking commitment,not showing care,and lots of other issues
Suddenly he noticed that the woman who has had two kids for him isn't caring? ? Lacks commitment when she had two babies for him?? undecided

This your story doesn't just add up. ..
Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by thorpido(m): 8:52pm On May 14, 2015
The Op must be pulling our legs or like Phema said,this fish brain thing don bad reach like this.
Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by onatisi(m): 9:35pm On May 14, 2015
thorpido:
The Op must be pulling our legs or like Phema said,this fish brain thing don bad reach like this.
the op is just catching fun with this thread . Don't take her serious .
Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by CountDracula(m): 10:12pm On May 14, 2015
flairlady:
Loyalty issues
Ok
Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by flairlady(f): 10:31pm On May 14, 2015
Thanks ya all for advicing me.Dont know what more to say to proof that i am not making this up.I would work with the advices i have gotten.Thanks
Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by Nobody: 3:05am On May 15, 2015
flairlady:
Thanks ya all for advicing me.Dont know what more to say to proof that i am not making this up.I would work with the advices i have gotten.Thanks


Marriage in itself is hard and you want to start off with two step kids and a baby mama plus a man lying through his teeth,in your twenties
Don't even think about it please
Whatever that woman saw and fled or whatever made him make two babies and abandon their mama should be enough to make you pick race

2 Likes

Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by RoyalRoy(m): 5:26am On May 15, 2015
flairlady:
lol,still in my mid-twenties

At 26 i don't assume you are too late.

Take your time and get to meet someone new.

You seem to be a bit naive and quick to fall in love.

Dont be in a hurry to marry.

Marrying a single guy without extra baggage could have its own challenges not to talk of a man with 2 kids out of wedlock.

Keep believing in yourself and keep building yourself for that right man.

This man who "doesn't know if the mother of his kids is married or not" is far from being an ideal husband material for you!!

2 Likes

Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by MizEmpress(f): 6:06am On May 15, 2015
A friend told me about something similar last week, the man had two kids as well before he met the second lady and he swore he never married their mother and the second lady (a very young girl too) fell for the gist probably because of the money. Right now, she gets beat up almost everyday whenever he's in Nigeria, he brings in different women into his matrimonial home because he clubs excessively, he has cut her off from her family and friends and even neighbors (she doesn't work) and he's always saying he suspects her of having extramarital affairs even after she has had two boys for him and he also keeps saying he'll deal with her the day he finds out and when he's done with her, no man will even want her. She later found out that he was very married to the first lady (traditional ceremony only) and he kicked her out when he found out she was committing adultery. In my opinion, maybe his habits pushed the first lady to that extreme and that was the only way she felt she could get released from the prison she was in with him. In this case too, the first lady isn't reachable too (the man kept the kids and she left), no one really knows where she is or they aren't telling.
My mom's friend also got married to a man who had three children from two ladies before her and today she's living very very well with her own three kids, her step-kids love her, her husband adores her. She said when she was getting married to him, her own mother told her, "the other women have had their own children and they left, you too, go and have yours and if it is favorable, stay".
I'm saying all this because I believe the OP, even though the details seem bogus. And OP, the issue is between you and your conscience, you know your guy more- we don't; so weigh everything over in your mind again after reading all our comments. Life's 50-50, he could turn out to be better than these single guys and give you a more beautiful life or he could turn out to be worse than a monster. I wish you well kiss

1 Like

Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by Wendy80(f): 6:21am On May 15, 2015
If you have a sister(elder) whose head is sitting well on her neck go and confide in her what u are telling us here so she can slap sense into that head of us.
Inside of you i'm sure you know ds man is lying to you but you've chosen to lie to yourself too.
Go ahead and marry him then you will realise he needs a Nanny not a wife.


Mind u I'm not against single father/mother getting married but ds Ur Man no pure.

Lovekoloveni

1 Like

Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by thorpido(m): 6:29am On May 15, 2015
MizEmpress:
A friend told me about something similar last week, the man had two kids as well before he met the seconnd lady and he swore he never married their mother and the second lady (a very young girl too) fell for the gist probably because of the money. Right now, she gets beat up almost everyday whenever he's in Nigeria, he brings in different women into his matrimonial home because he clubs excessively, he has cut her off from her family and friends and even neighbors (she doesn't work) and he's always saying he suspects her of having extramarital affairs even after she has had two boys for him and he also keeps saying he'll deal with her the day he finds out and when he's done with her, no man will even want her. She later found out that he was very married to the first lady (traditional ceremony only) and he kicked her out when he found out she was committing adultery. In my opinion, maybe his habits pushed the first lady to that extreme and that was the only way she felt she could get released from the prison she was in with him. In this case too, the first lady isn't reachable too (the man kept the kids and she left), no one really knows where she is or they aren't telling.
My mom's friend also got married to a man who had three children from two ladies before her and today she's living very very well with her own three kids, her step-kids love her, her husband adores her. She said when she was getting married to him, her own mother told her, "the other women have had their own children and they left, you too, go and have yours and if it is favorable, stay".
I'm saying all this because I believe the OP, even though the details seem bogus. And OP, the issue is between you and your conscience, you know your guy more- we don't; so weigh everything over in your mind again after reading all our comments. Life's 50-50, he could turn out to be better than these single guys and give you a more beautiful life or he could turn out to be worse than a monster. I wish you well kiss
What a statement!@bolded.
The mindset of women in our mother's generation though.That was rubbish admonition.
She is lucky things turned out well for her.......................maybe she just dey patch am.

3 Likes

Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by onatisi(m): 6:34am On May 15, 2015
U ppl are only making the op happy to see her thread getting attention all na story and joky .nigerians no dey spot lies quickly .

1 Like

Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by Wendy80(f): 6:38am On May 15, 2015
MizEmpress:
A I wish you well kiss
So true. I know a friend in ds situation 3yrs ago(3kids from same woman) after several warnings she decided to still give it a trial. She left him after 2months of courtship saying He needs a nanny not a wife.
Op said her man doesn't know if his Babymama is married or not. And she believed him..hmmm

1 Like

Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by onatisi(m): 6:41am On May 15, 2015
thorpido:
What a statement!@bolded.
The mindset of women in our mother's generation though.That was rubbish admonition.
She is lucky things turned out well for her.......................maybe she just dey patch am.
to be honest and I hope the sensible women on this thread will forgive me for this comment,majority of nigerian ladies are the dumbest ppl I have ever seen . I was discussing with a lady who had 3kids for a married man and she claimed she didn't know he was married until after the 3kid!!!!! I asked her that when u opened ur legs wide for him the first time and u got pregnant ,why didn't u compel him to come and know ur parents and do the necessary things? It is now she is looking for a husband,because the man is married but has no children so most likely the man and his wife planned it so that at least the man will have kids . I told the woman that u can and will never marry because in nigeria ,no man will marry a woman with 3kids even those with 1child dey spend months in prayer at mountain of fire by fire by force before getting a man to hook.
Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by Wendy80(f): 6:42am On May 15, 2015
onatisi:
U ppl are only making the op happy to see her thread getting attention all na story and joky .nigerians no dey spot lies quickly .
cheesy grin cheesy
She's one of d reasons men call women fish brain like u just did.

She needs an e-slap grin
Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by MizEmpress(f): 6:43am On May 15, 2015
thorpido:
What a statement!@bolded.
The mindset of women in our mother's generation though.That was rubbish admonition.
She is lucky things turned out well for her.......................maybe she just dey patch am.
Yea, that was her mother's advice then and we were all laughing the day she told us, it was a 'good bad advice'.. cheesy cheesy

And i'm sure she's genuinely happy (I'm not saying her marriage has been a bed of roses but she has managed her home well), she glows. She's close to my family, we see often too and I have never felt any step-kids, step-mom tension between them, she raised them till they had to start traveling out for further studies and you can still feel the love and respect whenever any of them is around. smiley
Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by thorpido(m): 6:46am On May 15, 2015
onatisi:
to be honest and I hope the sensible women on this thread will forgive me for this comment,majority of nigerian ladies are the dumbest ppl I have ever seen . I was discussing with a lady who had 3kids for a married man and she claimed she didn't know he was married until after the 3kid!!!!! I asked her that when u opened ur legs wide for him the first time and u got pregnant ,why didn't u compel him to come and know ur parents and do the necessary things? It is now she is looking for a husband,because the man is married but has no children so most likely the man and his wife planned it so that at least the man will have kids . I told the woman that u can and will never marry because in nigeria ,no man will marry a woman with 3kids even those with 1child dey spend months in prayer at mountain of fire by fire by force before getting a man to hook.
Women always blame men for being deceitful but I'm sorry to say they act dumb when they ought to be smart.How can you have 3kids for a man before finding out he is married?Do you meet him only in the hotel?
Women ought to be smarter.

2 Likes

Re: Marrying A Man That Already Has Kids by MizEmpress(f): 6:53am On May 15, 2015
Wendy80:

So true. I know a friend in ds situation 3yrs ago(3kids from same woman) after several warnings she decided to still give it a trial. She left him after 2months of courtship saying He needs a nanny not a wife.
Op said her man doesn't know if his Babymama is married or not. And she believed him..hmmm
cheesy @nanny not wife, thank God she courted him first.
The OP still has a lot of investigations to do, with or without the man's consent or awareness lipsrsealed

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