.

.

It's amazing seeing the level rationalisation of deception on this thread.

People have to ask themselves what is important; to enter into a relationship based on trust and understanding or to build on one with insincerity and fraud.

Is the end game to stay married no matter what?

The bulk of female opinion here agree that that is the aim. Don't rock the boat, let sleeping dogs lie, the past doesn't matter. The fact that men are sold a lie regarding their partners is of no consequence. It is what the women want that is of primary importance.

And what they want is that after rocking their party years they should be free to settle down as they please. The campaign is open and real. And so we see rationalisations that say society should be less judgemental on women, that not all men are capable of bearing the truth...

Even Joseph the earthly father of Jesus was about to cancel his engagement with Mary when he learnt that she was pregnant with child, it took an angel from heaven to persuade him to continue with the marriage. No man will readily accept a promiscious partner.

Women innately know this. They innately sense that their chances of marriage are slim if their colourful past is opened up before men so the rationalisations continue in earnest.

Men, Be ever vigilant!

drealtruth:
sextape or No sextape, as long as the man knows about it ,he may quit the relationship OR move on and get over it.A Man will marry a woman after weighing his options. Kanye west married Kim kardashian despite her sex tape with singer Ray J, past divorce and numerous Ex boyfriends .Also former playboy model kendra wikinson got married to her football hubby despite sextape. The point is couples should come out clean to each other. *In Drakes Voice* No lies No lies No lies.

see u referring to ppl who av come to terms with the fact that people shld not be judged by their past. The western world are more civilized, and advanced in dis aspect. name a well known Naija man who did...
its highly impracticable in our country.

ApexTitan:
It's amazing seeing the level rationalisation of deception on this thread.

People have to ask themselves what is important; to enter into a relationship based on trust and understanding or to build on one with insincerity and fraud.

Is the end game to stay married no matter what?

The bulk of female opinion here agree that that is the aim. Don't rock the boat, let sleeping dogs lie, the past doesn't matter. The fact that men are sold a lie regarding their partners is of no consequence. It is what the women want that is of primary importance.

And what they want is that after rocking their party years they should be free to settle down as they please. The campaign is open and real. And so we see rationalisations that say society should be less judgemental on women, that not all men are capable of bearing the truth...

Even Joseph the earthly father of Jesus was about to cancel his engagement with Mary when he learnt that she was pregnant with child, it took an angel from heaven to persuade him to continue with the marriage. No man will readily accept a promiscious partner.

Women innately know this. They innately sense that their chances of marriage are slim if their colourful past is opened up before men so the rationalisations continue in earnest.

Men, Be ever vigilant!

must it always boil dwn to women. When dis it become a sin/taboo to av a chaste man?

Jahblessme:
Una still dey hia?

There are some kinds of men you can confide in and there are some you should NEVER even say pim to even at the point of death.CHOOSE WISELY.


If Nairaland is to be the general representation of Nigerian males,do most of them sound like people any sane chick would want to confess anything to?


Ask why its the runs girls that are getting married while the good even churcheos sisters are single??
The babes have studied the Nigerian males and know what their medicine is- pretense.Ashawo male wants vajin- become one.. tell him exactly what he wants to hear.

Why do many females instead of admitting to se xual intercourse with maybe a boyfy they claim they are raped? Because the average Naija man would rather believe she was forced to have s ex than that she was in a full fledged se xual relationship.

Whether we like it or not,many females will keep having se x.The sooner the society and men in general become less judgemental about it,the better for everyone.

Se x is natural..what we should teach that se x is a beautiful thing between mature consenting partners,teach about protection and teach it earnestly. Illegal abortions are on the rise because people are not really serious about using condoms to protect themselves. Even the bible thumpers are sleeping with the choristers.Pastors living in white house with 'holy' sisters.Are they playing chess day in day out? let's stop deceiving ourselves..Fewer people are abstaining so we must increase se x education.
Not against abstinence,but along side it teach about the reality of se x not about transfer of spirits as a consequence of s ex.

Plus stop demonising mas turbation(sorry to the holies).. 98% of males who abstain are chronic wankers ,most even have carpal tunnel syndrome from excess use of their hands and Vaseline.So no one should come here and claim they don't shag they don't self-service..There must be an outlet( for most)

Mast urbation again is more demonized in females,for everything the woman is punished.The chicken has come to roost and many are rebelling.If I can teach my children everything they need to know about se x,curiosity will be reduced and they'll have more abilities to tackle peer pressure and the 'I'll just put the tip in' crew.

A balanced society is coming soon where the males MUST realise that the girl they are with may have been with some other guy. Simple. The less judgey you are about it,the more likely it is that she will be more truthful.If not body count remains 2 or < 2 forever.

I wonder why a dirty used up guy would think he has rights to marry a virgin.Who are these dirty guys cheating on theiir wives with?? Is it not the ones they call the sluts? What does that make you?

The only person who should be asking body count and co is a guy who has been able to keep himself chaste..Look at how men treat ladies who before had engaged in s ex and then choose to desist? So much scorn.

Abeg use stapler on your mouth till society is fairer.

Confess ndi mmo.

Biko she males and sh it stirrers desist from.quoting me.
Thank you

.....@Jahblessme,you are too much biko..


.

babyosisi:


You folks are specialists in making up stories and telling them
Please what is restitution in this context we speak
A girl has a past and meets you,what is the restitution she owes you
Oya tell us please

I was gonna ask that too. You took it out of my mouth.

Pls pickabeau if you don't mind, how does telling the man your sins amount to restitution?

In my denomination that I grew up with, once you confess your sins to the priest, you're given a penalty or you chose a penalty that you know would require you making some sort of sacrifice and do it.
Then restitution is complete. It doesn't go beyond you and the priest or you and your God (if you didn't go to the priest for confession) and the matter ends there.

How does telling the other person bring you restitution?

urchbarbie:
must it always boil dwn to women. When dis it become a sin/taboo to av a chaste man?

you don't know it's a sin for a man to be chaste?

Know it now.

Society isn't fair bla bla blabbity bla - change location please and quit disturbing the peace.

I still know that only women with a past they not proud of will find it difficult opening up completely.

Anytime I'm asked the body count question, I do a proper count with names and even the graphic illustrations... fortunately, ALL of you ladies here don't even mind all that once your feelings have got the best of you.
You will still stick to the guy and this is not anyone else's fault.

Can't blame men who don't want to be with a woman who's had one too many d1cks, it's just not the same thing - the rules have always been different when it comes to men and women, and will continue to be so... women that can't handle this should either start a real-life campaign against it or forever hold their peace and learn how to navigate themselves.

Good to be a man BTW, lord knows if I were a woman with zero self-esteem and below-average self confidence in this man's world, I would have committed suicide by now.

samtol4:
Your points are well understood however some men are babies and immature any secret shared with them they will spread the secrets by informing their parents,siblings and even pastors .

I get you, but I dont see why a woman should continue dating such a man to start with.

After all said and done though, may God fix us all up with our type. May Honest men meet and marry Honest women, and may Deceitful men meet and marry Deceitful women.

cococandy:
you don't know it's a sin for a man to be chaste?

Know it now.

tnx to nairaland. I now know

urchbarbie:
must it always boil dwn to women. When dis it become a sin/taboo to av a chaste man?

Why do you always turn every thread to be a male vs female contest?

The topic clearly said "Things your fiancee/husband is better off not knowing". If you want to look at the male perspective, you can as well create your own thread and title it accordingly.

That being said, its really sad to see such disgusting advice coming from a lady. Why on earth would a lady who had 5 abortions not tell me! Its just plain wickedness!

If she doesn't get pregnant in time, she'll start going from church to church and accuse my poor mother or grandmother of being the cause of our woes.

She was once a prostitute and she thinks its best to keep quiet. If I eventually find out that all my friends have once banged my beloved wife, I'll clap for her abi?

I'll kindly advice all wives and intending wives to please disregard the OP's advice. A marriage should never be built on lies.

[size=18pt]My conclusion after discussing this topic with a much older woman of God I love and respect[/size]


There was a story that prompted the no 3 point and ultimately this thread and I told that story earlier. A lady with a philandering mean spirited husband that has deserted her for months erred and slept with a family friend of theirs.
In one of their "on again" moments she confessed her misdeed to her husband ( who has his own chain of affairs) and he filed for a divorce and they got divorced despite her pleas and people pleading on her behalf.
I called my mother in The Lord to ask her because I am being careful not to give a wrong counsel
My mother in The Lord is a 70 year old woman of God and this is what she said,I am summarizing a 35 minute conversation

1) yes the bible says confess your sins one to another and be healed,it has it's place
2) it doesn't however mean God regards your confession as incomplete when you don't.If your heart is sincere,he forgives regardless.
3)the bible also talks about applying wisdom in your dealings
4)no scripture stands in isolation so in your confession,you ought to be wise
5)The woman in this case did not apply wisdom,the marriage was already rocky,that is no man to confess anything to
She acted foolishly

Then I asked her point blank .would you have confessed that to your husband if you were her

She said never!!
I love my husband,we have a good relationship but if that were to be me,I will repent before my God and keep my mouth shut

I asked again,what will you advise a young woman in the same situation to do?
She said repent sincerely and keep your mouth shut

That settles it for me

urchbarbie:
must it always boil dwn to women. When dis it become a sin/taboo to av a chaste man?

By all means let women prescribe the standards they want for their men.

Except history (and biological determinism) has shown that women are more interested in the man's provisioning ability than in his ability to remain chaste. It is his ability to provide for and protect her and her children that trigger her interests in the man. This is something they have demonstrated by their behaviour and actions over millennia.

The call for fidelity will always be directed first and foremost to the woman because amongst other things she is the one that is largely affected by sex.

The woman of God above went ahead to tell me the story of when God asked the prophet Samuel to go and anoint a King in the house of Jesse.Samuel was scared and asked God how he will do this because if word got to King Saul that he Samuel came to town and for that purpose ,Saul will have him killed.
God told Samuel to take an animal and inform jesse that he was coming for them to go offer a sacrifice
Ad indeed when Samuel arrived the people saw him and asked what he came to town for and he said offer sacrifice with the house of Jesse and he did offer Sacrifice and then anointed David As king
That is godly wisdom at work

Wisdom is profitable

babyosisi:
[size=18pt]My conclusion after discussing this topic with a much older woman of God I love and respect[/size]


There was a story that prompted the no 3 point and ultimately this thread and I told that story earlier. A lady with a philandering mean spirited husband that has deserted her for months erred and slept with a family friend of theirs.
In one of their "on again" moments she confessed her misdeed to her husband ( who has his own chain of affairs) and he filed for a divorce and they got divorced despite her pleas and people pleading on her behalf.
I called my mother in The Lord to ask her because I am being careful not to give a wrong counsel
My mother in The Lord is a 70 year old woman of God and this is what she said,I am summarizing a 35 minute conversation

1) yes the bible says confess your sins one to another and be healed,it has it's place
2) it doesn't however mean God regards your confession as incomplete when you don't.If your heart is sincere,he forgives regardless.
3)the bible also talks about applying wisdom in your dealings
4)no scripture stands in isolation so in your confession,you ought to be wise
5)The woman in this case did not apply wisdom,the marriage was already rocky,that is no man to confess anything to
She acted foolishly

Then I asked her point blank .would you have confessed that to your husband if you were her

She said never!!
I love my husband,we have a good relationship but if that were to be me,I will repent before my God and keep my mouth shut

I asked again,what will you advise a young woman in the same situation to do?
She said repent sincerely and keep your mouth shut

That settles it for me

Is there ever any situation or argument you have on NL that you don't have one story somewhere to tell about it?

crackhaus:

Is there ever any situation or argument you have on NL that you don't have one story somewhere to tell about it?

Do you realize you don't have to ever read or respond to my threads?
You can actually just skip over when you see a thread with me as the originator
Try it

babyosisi:



Do you realize you don't have to ever read or respond to my threads?
You can actually just skip over when you see a thread with me as the originator
Try it

Uh uh, I find you so irresistible hence I can't ignore your threads.

Now answer the darn question, Is there ever any situation or argument you have on NL that you don't have one story somewhere to tell about it?

crackhaus:


Good to be a man BTW, lord knows if I were a woman with zero self-esteem and below-average self confidence in this man's world, I would have committed suicide by now.

Na lie!

If you were a woman you would continue to follow the feminine imperative and live solely for your interests. If any of your actions don't meet with the approval of society or are short on morals you would rationalise it away as being necessary and expeditious. Your agency would be focused on controlling the man, it is his world after all so control him and you control everything.

Anaskie:


Why do you always turn every thread to be a male vs female contest?

The topic clearly said "Things your fiancee/husband is better off not knowing". If you want to look at the male perspective, you can as well create your own thread and title it accordingly.

That being said, its really sad to see such disgusting advice coming from a lady. Why on earth would a lady who had 5 abortions not tell me! Its just plain wickedness!

If she doesn't get pregnant in time, she'll start going from church to church and accuse my poor mother or grandmother for being the cause of our woes.

She was once a prostitute and she thinks its best to keep quiet. If I eventually find out that all my friends have once banged my beloved wife, I'll clap for her abi?

I'll kindly advice all wives and intending wives to please disregard the OP's advice. A marriage should never be built on lies.

...yeah right!..


...disregard the op and take advise from you and your hypocritical,jugdmental and confused kinds?..you dive rock dude

...lots of smart females are towing and will tow the ops line..believe that!..and its not going to change any time soon..especially as regards the average Nigerian male...most of you do not know what being truthful and straightforward means in a relationship either so why demand such from females?

..abeg make una go sleep biko..at the end of the day,'cunning man die,cunning woman bury am' saying suits most of you.

Ngokafor:







...yeah right!..


...disregard the op and take advise from you and your hypocritical,jugdmental and confused kinds?..you dive rock dude

...lots of smart females are towing and will tow the ops line..believe that!..and its not going to change any time soon..especially as regards the average Nigerian male.

I talked of a woman disclosing abortions and past life with an intended spouse or boyfriend
The woman of God I mentioned earlier says women are talkative and talk without reason a times,disclosing things they should never
Why on earth will a woman tell a man about to marry her that she has had abortions or slept with so and so she asked

I rest my case

She went further to tell me that her mother advised her when she was about to get married that a wise woman has issues she keeps to her chest.Every wise woman knows that,men are already practicing it too.A wise man keeps certain stories that have no benefits to the wife or the marriage to himself.

Ladies you are enjoined to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves

babyosisi:


I talked of a woman disclosing abortions and past life with an intended spouse of boyfriend
She says women are talkative and talk without reason a times,disclosing things they should never
Why on earth will a woman tell a man about to marry her that she has had abortions or slept with so and so she asked

I rest my case

She went further to tell me that her mother advised her when she was about to get married that a wise woman has issues she keeps to her chest.Every wise woman knows that,men are already practicing it too.A wise man keeps certain stories that have no benefits to himself.

.....end of story nne.

Ngokafor:




.....end of story nne.

gbam. Thread closed!

babyosisi:
[size=18pt]My conclusion after discussing this topic with a much older woman of God I love and respect[/size]


1) yes the bible says confess your sins one to another and be healed,

Then I asked her point blank .would you have confessed that to your husband if you were her

She said never!!
I love my husband,we have a good relationship but if that were to be me,I will repent before my God and keep my mouth shut

I asked again,what will you advise a young woman in the same situation to do?
She said repent sincerely and keep your mouth shut

e

Please ask your mother in the lord ( or whatever you call her) the steps to repentance. How does she restitute for her sins? In the context of your point 3, confession is mandatory.

You women want to rewrite the bible to suit you. This is what happens when ya all go to church to show off your clothes rather than to learn the word of God.

Madam BabyOsisi, I do not support secrets in marraige but after studying this thread carefully, I had to ask myself some questions...

I asked some Women in my church about this issue and I was deeply shocked because five of the six women I asked supported your ideology...

Now I'm even more confused because I think it's unfair to go into a marriage filled with secrets but I can't also deny the fact you have a point...

To the Male readers of this thread, Have you stayed with a lady that revealed the gory details of her past?
I'm not asking if you can, I'm asking those that either married or are in a relationship with a lady with a dirty past....

keppyy:
Madam BabyOsisi, I do not support secrets in marraige but after studying this thread carefully, I had to ask myself some questions...

I asked some Women in my church about this issue and I was deeply shocked because five of the six women I asked supported your ideology...

Now I'm even more confused because I think it's unfair to go into a marriage filled with secrets but I can't also deny the fact you have a point...

To the Male readers of this thread, Have you stayed with a lady that revealed the gory details of her past?
I'm not asking if you can, I'm asking those that either married or are in a relationship with a lady with a dirty past....

You see am?
I hope the hyperventilating males here don't quench
Nne don't be confused
I am here not to confuse young girls but to help them by telling them the naked truth about life that men have been practicing without qualms and they don't call it keeping secrets
It is called secrets when it pertains to you and me
I have counseled young women,people my age and people older than me and I also seek counsel when in doubt
I even had to ask a much older woman of God I respect her views about this topic and she said the same things I said
It is not about keeping secrets nne
Your past is your past and must remain in the past,men know this already
Many of them have been treated for gonorrhea multiple times,they don't tell you when they meet you,it's unnecessary information
So why would females foolishly blab about the past?
Old things are passed away,don't dig them up
Your private life before your spouse is your private life you can decide to keep it and have done no wrong in so doing,and it is wise to keep it
If 5 out of 6 Christian women you spoke with agree with me,you have your confirmation right there.

Anaskie:


Why do you always turn every thread to be a male vs female contest?

The topic clearly said "Things your fiancee/husband is better off not knowing". If you want to look at the male perspective, you can as well create your own thread and title it accordingly.

That being said, its really sad to see such disgusting advice coming from a lady. Why on earth would a lady who had 5 abortions not tell me! Its just plain wickedness!

If she doesn't get pregnant in time, she'll start going from church to church and accuse my poor mother or grandmother for being the cause of our woes.

She was once a prostitute and she thinks its best to keep quiet. If I eventually find out that all my friends have once banged my beloved wife, I'll clap for her abi?

I'll kindly advice all wives and intending wives to please disregard the OP's advice. A marriage should never be built on lies.

Anaskie. hello dear. I for one am glad av got no really dirty past to spill, but I am all for letting ur partner know stuffs dat may be injurious to d relationship when discovered. It hurt me to hear men say stuffs like its only women dat can av dirty pasts. have u not heard instances whr men knw they are infertile and let dier wives bear d brunt of every fertility test all in a bid to hide d fact his workhouse aint in working order? I wld always maintain do unto others wat u want to be done to u. ....respects all se x cos we all av feelings. No1 shld champion d secret mission and expct d other to spill dier guts. if I av done so many abortions and I spill in all honesty why wont d guy tell me how many abortions he has sponsored....let me borrow babyosisi words.

....

Why do you keep quoting me?
I was asking pickabeau not you.

njokusboy:


Restitution isn't merely about telling it's about restoring "status quo"..... In dat one tries to remedy a spoilt situation if one still could.
Am assuming your denomination is the catholic church which so happens to be my denomination
I guess you haave never commited any sin that demands restitution... It doesn't just end between your priest and you and God...
You forcefully took someone's land,you are required to give it back, you stole something from the church, you gotta replace it or put it back, the priest only owes you the confidence not to disclose ur identity..
You cheat on your husband with his best friend, you are required to confess to your husband as well, the premise is dat you have not only sinned against God but your husband as well... These sins are not "business as

Good twitter.......

cococandy:


I was gonna ask that too. You took it out of my mouth.

Pls pickabeau if you don't mind, how does telling the man your sins amount to restitution?

In my denomination that I grew up with, once you confess your sins to the priest, you're given a penalty or you chose a penalty that you know would require you making some sort of sacrifice and do it.
Then restitution is complete. It doesn't go beyond you and the priest or you and your God (if you didn't go to the priest for confession) and the matter ends there.

How does telling the other person bring you restitution?

Restitution isn't merely about telling, it's about restoring "status quo"..... In dat one tries to remedy a spoilt situation if one still could.
Am assuming your denomination is the catholic church which so happens to be my denomination
I guess you haave never commited any sin that demands restitution... It doesn't just end between your priest and you and God...
You forcefully took someone's land,you are required to give it back, you stole something from the church, you gotta replace it or put it back, the priest only owes you the confidence not to disclose ur identity..
You cheat on your husband with his best friend, you are required to confess to your husband as well with the priest in attendance, the premise is dat you have not only sinned against God but your husband as well, your husband would be required to forgive you if he expects God to forgive his sins, that is, although,whether he adheres to that is a different thing entirely ... These sins are not "business as usual" kind of sins... your penance is not complete without restitution...
As for the thread, during marriage counselling, the priest persistently asks if there is any information that might be detrimental to ur marriage in future if not disclosed, that's where stuffs like whether you have had abortions before, were a prostitute or armed robber before comes in... They also make alter calls requesting anyone with a reason why the couples should not be joined in Holy matrimony to come forward... someone might just blow your cover, if you havnt disclosed those details yet, that is...

Had to quote you again, sorry oh, it so happens that you type things about which I have an opinion