₦airaland Forum

Nairalanders, I urgently need ur candid advice.‎
I met a girl 5yrs ago and we started dating after being friends for like 2months. Our relationship wax very strong in love and affection for each other as time goes by. After a year, I introduced her to my parents and she was well accepted. Infact, my parents often call her on phone from time to time, likewise my siblings. Throughout dis time,  she was still in school as an undergraduate.‎

Like every other relationship, we do have disagreement on things and later agree. Dis has been part of us though if usually takes time for me to forgive her each time she offend me. After 3yrs, she introduced me to her parents and siblings. I was warmly welcomed and well received. Her dad really liked me cos we bear d same name. Her mum also took me like her own son cos she often call me from time to time to pray for me and ask if all is well cos she often refer to me as a tough guy. 

D relationship continues until I started seeing traces of her cheating. Calls, bbm and whatapp chats reveals she's cheating. Each time I'm upset about things in d relationship, I often keep mute @ dat moment of anger and dis has always been d way she usually notice dat something is wrong. Sometimes I won't talk to her for sometimes until am no longer upset and sometimes I do ask her questions about things I see stylishly. ‎
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Before writing her final exam, she had threatened to quit d relationship. Though her reasons were flimsy so I took d threat for granted. I later saw a chat between her and one of her lecturer which clear shows they were dating. I was really mad but stil kept mute. She later denied having anything to do with d man. She only said they were very close and dat is how they use to chat like husband and wife. I accepted. 

She was posted to a south/south state for her NYSC. She went for d 3weeks orientation and returned in December. ‎She won a ticket for a dinner somewhere in Victoria Island d same month and d day she was to attend d dinner, I saw a chat of her and a guy which was about how they will meet and eventually go to d dinner together. It was very clear she was dating d guy from d style of chat I saw. When I confronted her, she packed her bag and left my house. Since then, I didn't bother calling her til xmas day when her parents didn't see my in their house. Her mum called and said she noticed we've not been talking. My only response was dat I had been very busy @ work. 

We usually have a new year party in my house so my parents were really expecting her to come around and help in d cooking. Everything going on between us was unknown to my parents. My Dad called her on 29th to know when she will be coming and she said I will have to tell her parents myself so they could give her d permission to come. I did and she eventually arrived on 31st. 

She left Lagos to resume for her PPA in her new base and we often talk via phone calls and chat. Until last month when she called to ask if i am around cos she's already in Sagamu. I was amaze cos we did chat d previous night and she never mention it to me dat she's travelling. In annoyance, I told her I wasn't in town. She later sent a txt dat she knew I was around but won't bother coming to my house. I didn't bother replying d text. 

After 3days, she sent another text dat she's no more interested in d relationship. By dis time, d relationship is 5yr already. We were planning to have our introduction in August and wedding in Feb/March next year. As usually I didn't take d content of d txt serious cos dat is not d first time. After 2weeks of no communication between us, I had no option than to beg her for how I behaved. I equally involved my parents. I called her siblings to beg her on my behalf and they said she had told them dat I'm too harsh and stubborn for her. They said they can't force her. I called her mum and she said d same thing. ‎
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I am soo heartbroken right now. I love her so much and I have not been able to stop thinking about her and all we've been through together. I can't sleep at night and am often feeling severe pain in my heart each time I remember her. She categorically told me she's dating someone else. Dis happen to be d same guy she attended d December dinner with. I was moved to tears when she showed me pictures which really affirm her decision. I need a candid advice on what to do pls ‎

*i have never raised my hand @ her. I often let go of her misdeed cos I myself hasn't been perfect. We ain't staying together. She often visit whenever I am around

speechless

Wetin man wan talk for this kyne tin.....abeg thank God say e even happen like this sef

@xtreme007; Your problem from the onset is that you never take things serious judging from your post. I'm not a pro in giving advice but I came across a Video on YouTube and ladies were being interviewed on how many boyfriends they usually have they all said 3-4. Your second problem is putting trust and whole on her and now you're there weak like a sick old man. Let Pros give the advice and heed to them. Good luck in your "wife-hunt"

hmmmm,dis life is full of...............

op,first you have to believe in yourself that you deserve more than her(a betrayer) then you can start your journey to recovery.I propose you get yourself busy with work and mingle with people a lot(don't isolate yourself as this will always bring back old memories) and trust me you will gradually forget about her.

To all those saying leave and forget about her,it is easy to say when you aren't the victim.five years no be child's play.....

Wow this is so heart breaking,,,,,,,,The saying still goes as =YOU DON'T KNOW WAT YOU HAVE TILL YOU LOSE IT...op i won't advise you to run after her again(cuz u ve tried ur best)let her be,cuz if she has bin cheating on u WEN u guys r still dating means she ll do more wen u marry her tomorrow(its so plane shez a cheat/a cheap one)even if she loves you,shez not d type that can be faithful,let her be.............and if d future s for you both"she ll surly come bk" SIMPLE

Bros you well at all Pesin teh you sey another guy don dey run her package, dey browse her Web, she even show you pix to confirm the matter and you still dey cry for help. Ori e! Would you have preferred she hide it all from you for the sake of her parents and yours? Then go into a lasting covenant with you while secretly having someone else to shine her Kongo Den when yawa gas, you go come here dey sey women are dogs, women are ungrateful, women are kini kon kini kon.... Bros biko park weh and thank the heavens for showing you the right path through her

Hmmmmmmm! Speechless . Person wey get cap,no get head . Person wey get head,no get cap . It is well,ops

This is what I have learnt from all the relationships I have entered till date...

I learnt to be resolute when I make decisions.

to set out priorities early and follow it through.

I learnt that love should never trump prudence.

that in matters of style I should move with the current but in matters of principle I should stand like rock.

To find the best partner you have to be one yourself..

Op,

The remote cause of your break up is your girlfriend. Her incessant inconsistent attitude elicited a brash response from you and that was all she needed to pursue pastures new.

Now, you are labelled stubborn and all because you weren't resolute in decision-making. You incredibly refused to act when you noticed/suspected her two-timing moves.

If I were you I will allow her time to stay apart from me. It is a well thought out decision she has taken. There's no hypnosis effect at all in it.

That you have tried at all to mend fences with her is in itself noble. That's far you can go. That you are crying your hearts out is also the sacrifice that must be made.

That you have refused to learn and move on is never chivalrous by any stretch of the imagination.

Again I say, give her some time, she will come around if you guys were meant to be.

I said all these given your story is true.

Be strong mate.

Na we dey spoil this girls seriously, she's cheating on you and u are still pleading with her? Haba!!! , pray she doesn't come back, cause you just gave her licence.

Guy just take heart, she left for good.

Hahaha hahaha, no way Ooh!!! Boiz funny sha, acting Nollywood and telemundo scripts, it's funny.... when will you all understand there is nothing like love, it's only a lustful illusion , my brother , I have better movies for you to watch , better activities to carry out and live up life to the fullest, I just hope u didn't spend u r life on that girl.

U happen to be my kind of person, calm , not violent , easy going, but women are very incomprehensible, they just want what they don't know, perhaps she sees u like too calm for her , not a little outgoing , and a little bad (like trying weird things, partying n all)... that's ladies for you. But believe me she's not for you.

I know there might be somethings you like about her, her physique n some attributes... but trust me , those things are very much in many other people out there.... just get engaged in more important adventures, n u want regret itg

Hmmm....
Op, u av gud advices up there. I was in dat situation too till som wiks back wen I lifted my foot off d pedal buh my gal's own is like som steps above ur ex. I $ u av finz in common.JnrBayano said a lot nd I so much love all he said. It was a well thought out decision. She must av looked for stronger excuses to hold on to buh dint get bfor she cam up wit u bin stubborn nd telling pple all dat. I do tak finz to my gals face buh she uses strong-headed ness, ogboju to manoeuvre situations. I am alwys d one to calm her $ d situation. She is d extremely stubborn type, neva admit her wrong doings, alwys right, knws too much, boss lady, thinks abt herself alone, pride etc. U can imagine her telling me she wld leave if she get som1 better afta she attempted to quit once nd I calmed her. Dis gals are oliver twist. How else can one b loving, caring $ loyal to a lady a gav all nd d best of me to I had to talk senses to mysef frm pple's experiences here nd other places afta I discovered there is more to life. Dunno wanna settle wit a lady doing all dat wit no hope of change.
Op, we can only hide our true self buh d real us still lives in us.Most ladies nowadays aint worth going to high-heavens/places for. I av only decided to b resolute.

Op, there is no place dat it is written dat u av to reap from where u av sown.There are tyms u deposit into pple's life nd b rewarded by somone else.Channel ur strength to somfin more productive. U just av to bliv in wot u are made of nd find a strong ground. B d better person, there are million ladies out there $ u will definitely meet d best person out of d few available good ladies(wit good brain).

Bro just let her go ... You don't have to beg her anymore ...there are a lot of good girls out there looking for your type ...instead make you dey happy say she even tell you say she get another bobo , what of if she go carry another guy belle come give you ?
Guy move on jawe .. If I were you I would just look back and move on .. Find a cold vodka with fruit juice then find one babe wey go dey rub my stomach ...
Btw I no fit dey into a 5 years relationship .. The worst Na just 2 years then settle down ..
Na who get time to dey study each other ? Make we even spend 20 years together we no fit know each other fully ...

So move on bro ...

Bro, move on.

Datazone:
@xtreme007; Your problem from the onset is that you never take things serious judging from your post. I'm not a pro in giving advice but I came across a Video on YouTube and ladies were being interviewed on how many boyfriends they usually have they all said 3-4. Your second problem is putting trust and whole on her and now you're there weak like a sick old man. Let Pros give the advice and heed to them. Good luck in your "wife-hunt"

Yeah u're very correct. I don't usually take things especially issues in d relationship serious. Tanx for ur contribution all d same. I appreciate

hidee20:
hmmmm,dis life is full of...............

op,first you have to believe in yourself that you deserve more than her(a betrayer) then you can start your journey to recovery.I propose you get yourself busy with work and mingle with people a lot(don't isolate yourself as this will always bring back old memories) and trust me you will gradually forget about her.

To all those saying leave and forget about her,it is easy to say when you aren't the victim.five years no be child's play.....

It's not been easy cos i've built my entire life on dis relationship. 5yrs of my life just amount to nothing. I am trying as much as possible to mingle and get busy in d past weeks but I always find myself remembering d past. Each time I hear about marriage or love song, I usually break down in tears.

FLAWLES:
Wow this is so heart breaking,,,,,,,,The saying still goes as =YOU DON'T KNOW WAT YOU HAVE TILL YOU LOSE IT...op i won't advise you to run after her again(cuz u ve tried ur best)let her be,cuz if she has bin cheating on u WEN u guys r still dating means she ll do more wen u marry her tomorrow(its so plane shez a cheat/a cheap one)even if she loves you,shez not d type that can be faithful,let her be.............and if d future s for you both"she ll surly come bk" SIMPLE

Tanx a lot, I really appreciate.

@jnrbayano: God wil increase ur wisdom. I am very grateful for ur contribution. Tanx a million bro!

Raymondenyi:
Hahaha hahaha, no way Ooh!!! Boiz funny sha, acting Nollywood and telemundo scripts, it's funny.... when will you all understand there is nothing like love, it's only a lustful illusion , my brother , I have better movies for you to watch , better activities to carry out and live up life to the fullest, I just hope u didn't spend u r life on that girl.

U happen to be my kind of person, calm , not violent , easy going, but women are very incomprehensible, they just want what they don't know, perhaps she sees u like too calm for her , not a little outgoing , and a little bad (like trying weird things, partying n all)... that's ladies for you. But believe me she's not for you.

I know there might be somethings you like about her, her physique n some attributes... but trust me , those things are very much in many other people out there.... just get engaged in more important adventures, n u want regret itg

U seems to really understand me a lot. Tanx my brother, I appreciate.

xtreme007:
It's not been easy cos i've built my entire life on dis relationship. 5yrs of my life just amount to nothing. I am trying as much as possible to mingle and get busy in d past weeks but I always find myself remembering d past. Each time I hear about marriage or love song, I usually break down in tears.

To tell you it will be easy is a lie but you just need to view this situation as a challenge you need to overcome,come to think of it in what state do you want her to meet you in the next six month,one or three year(s)?(certainly it wont be in a pathetic state), if you know the answer start working towards it and you might just find another person worth more than her.

Summary: She doesn't love you anymore.

Solution: Focus on yourself and don't let her tempt you.

Move on!!!

Olami90:
Hmmm....
Op, u av gud advices up there. I was in dat situation too till som wiks back wen I lifted my foot off d pedal buh my gal's own is like som steps above ur ex. I $ u av finz in common.JnrBayano said a lot nd I so much love all he said. It was a well thought out decision. She must av looked for stronger excuses to hold on to buh dint get bfor she cam up wit u bin stubborn nd telling pple all dat. I do tak finz to my gals face buh she uses strong-headed ness, ogboju to manoeuvre situations. I am alwys d one to calm her $ d situation. She is d extremely stubborn type, neva admit her wrong doings, alwys right, knws too much, boss lady, thinks abt herself alone, pride etc. U can imagine her telling me she wld leave if she get som1 better afta she attempted to quit once nd I calmed her. Dis gals are oliver twist. How else can one b loving, caring $ loyal to a lady a gav all nd d best of me to I had to talk senses to mysef frm pple's experiences here nd other places afta I discovered there is more to life. Dunno wanna settle wit a lady doing all dat wit no hope of change.
Op, we can only hide our true self buh d real us still lives in us.Most ladies nowadays aint worth going to high-heavens/places for. I av only decided to b resolute.

Op, there is no place dat it is written dat u av to reap from where u av sown.There are tyms u deposit into pple's life nd b rewarded by somone else.Channel ur strength to somfin more productive. U just av to bliv in wot u are made of nd find a strong ground. B d better person, there are million ladies out there $ u will definitely meet d best person out of d few available good ladies(wit good brain).

Tanx bro. It's hasn't been easy I must tell u but am willing to take every step it require to be free from d pain of dis heartbreak. 5yrs wasted!

Oppressive world..A gul will stick with you till a BETTER MAN comes knocking..

xtreme007:
@jnrbayano: God wil increase ur wisdom. I am very grateful for ur contribution. Tanx a million bro!

Thanks.

Chin up bro.

Juicysam:
Oppressive world..A gul will stick with you till a BETTER MAN comes knocking..

U nailed it bro. Dat is not to say somfin is spectacular oo. Wot cld mak d man better dan money dat rules ladies world. #vry+confused+creature

You saw the signs but you ignored them. A mistake any guy could have made. Next time don't ignore such signs. Let her go to her new boyfriend. Don't beg her anymore.

You shouldn't expect an unfaithful grilfriend/fiancée to become a faithful wife. You would be asking too much of her.

Just face your work as usual. Better ladies will show up around you.

Life is full of ups and downs.

Follow ur heart.

[quote author=Brugo post=34283488]You saw the signs but you ignored them. A mistake any guy could have made. Next time don't ignore such signs. Let her go to her new boyfriend. Don't beg her anymore.

You shouldn't expect an unfaithful grilfriend/fiancée to become a faithful wife. You would be asking too much of her.

Just face your work as usual. Better ladies will show up around you.

Life is full of ups and downs. [/quote

Humm... Tanx

Awwww. Its over take heart and be patient with yourself as you forget her meanwhile you need to grow your confidence and find your voice. A woman you are serious with blatantly cheats on you and you were begging her to take you back what were you thinking? She was tired of you why and how can you want someone who does not want you? Please get in touch with your anger you need it.

The truth even though you can't see it now is that this is good riddance you will find a better match in the future. Someone who truly likes you.

andromida:
Awwww. Its over take heart and be patient with yourself as you forget her meanwhile you need to grow your confidence and find your voice. A woman you are serious with blatantly cheats on you and you were begging her to take you back what were you thinking? She was tired of you why and how can you want someone who does not want you? Please get in touch with your anger you need it.

The truth even though you can't see it now is that this is good riddance you will find a better match in the future. Someone who truly likes you.

Very thoughtful. Tanx

The little I can say is, try and move on with your life and get busy with occupying work(s). remember broken relationship is better than broken home.
...If you feel and need to beg her further please do

FLAWLES:
=YOU DON'T KNOW WAT YOU HAVE TILL YOU LOSE IT

He knew what he had,he never knew he was going to loose it



No matter how bad it hurts or how bad you feel, it’s time to stop thinking about that person who played with your feelings, who took your love for granted, who never appreciated your care, who wasn’t contented with what you could give him or her. You can’t stay at that hurtful place anymore. You can’t keep shedding tears over someone who doesn't deserve the love you gave. You can’t keep feeling sorry for yourself and thinking if only you did more. You can’t make them want the relationship because if they wanted they wouldn’t have let go of you.

You deserve better now. You deserve someone who appreciates you and who won’t play with your delicate heart.. Just like a cut on your hand will take time to heal, your broken heart needs time to heal as well. That’s not the end of your life. You will get over that pain you’re having right now and one day you’ll be happy again.