biaka1994:
We do communicate, we play a lot we gist but wen it cums 2 sex Dats wen he wil say he is tired n blah blah blah

Am sensing something fishy here...u guys play a lot but when it comes to sex he'll start dodging it....2me I think he's avoidin somthing, could be STD.

tearoses:


Kini gbogbo eleyi gan You people should go and open your own thread or go to national stadium to fight intead of all this.

Royalroy please sanitise this thread. Thank you.

@biaka, now that you have shed more light on the issue, one is able to advise you better.
You have a choice, you can do it the long hard way or take it the short term easy way out, but both have different consequences

I will be blunt with you and you may not like what I am going to say, but as Zi said, this hopefully will help another girl in the same situation or prevent another girl from finding herself in this situation

Firstly your husband was forced to get married to you due to the pregnancy. You were not his choice or certainly not his choice to be his Mrs at that point. If not for the pregnancy, he wouldnt have married you at that point.
He is resentful becasue his plans were shattered. He is also angry at your family for forcing him to marry you and he is taking that anger our on you.

I am not saying that he will never love you or snap out of it, but it certainly isnt an overnight thing.

Also crying and begging a man who has no feelings for you is only going to make things worse. Stop it.
I would hate it too if someone I dont want around me comes begging all the time. It will annoy me even more.

You put the cart before the horse, by getting pregnant for a man who you dont know his intentions were, and you are not in a position to be able to solely care for yoursefl and your baby and you are dependent on someone else for upkeep, so it wont be a walk in the park.

This is why I said you have a choice.
You can either say "whatdahell" I need sex and will go out to get it, in which case you will eventually get caught and your hubby who never wanted you will have a reason to kick you out . .
Your parents who also forced you to marry a man becasue you were pregnant dont also sound like parents who will accomodate you as dalemosu if your hubby throws you out. So unles you have plan B, dont try it.

The second choice is to accept your current situation and try to make it better. It will take time though so its not a one week or one month thing.
If this is the option you are going to go for, then first things first STOP BEGGING.
Study your husband well. What are the things that he finds attractive in women? what are the things that he likes? You said he is 10 years older than you, so for a start there is almost a genrational gap.
So while you may like all these telemondu abi whats it called, facebook chatting, Kim and the likes, he may be into politics, finance and more important things. Go and meet him there.

Expose yourself, better yourself, educate yourself, be capable of having deep, sensible and interesting conversations & show him that you have brains and you are actually an asset. Give him an oppourtunity to miss you and to appreciate your worth. You can only do that by actually having something to offer.
You are a kid, married to an adult and so you are going to have to grow up very fast.

Forget about sex for now. What is sex without a relationship and romance anyway? 5 minutes pam pam against a hours of sweet talks, hugs, kissing, lovemaking, gist and laughs & sleeping in each others arns. . I kow what I will choose if its me.

Grow in poise, elegance and self worth and show him that you are not the girl he was forced to marry, but the woman that he would have loved to marry.

What are your interests? Do they/can they generate capital?
A man will always almost respect a woman who can hold down the home front in his absense. The little little money he is giving you, how do you spend it?
Are you the type that sits in darkness becasue oga has not come bacl to buy fuel for the gen?

My dear you may be a baby in age, but you are now in an adult situation.
Honestly I feel for you becasue most 19, 20, 21 to 23 year olds dont even know what they are doing or want and marriage is too big a thing for them to comprehend and deal with, but you are here now, and you just need to make the best of a bad situation.

Feel free to ask me any questions or need more advise. I pray that it all works out for you.

Inasmuch as I can't go through all the comments, this is the best I've come across concerning "Marriage and Having a Home" If you wish to live happily as a woman who has a home, you should never listen to Single Ladies who thrive in Feminism who are bound to change when they are old eventually become desperate in seeking. Please do you best to work things out according to what this person as said. Transfer you begging to seeking permanent solution by spicing things up again. There is hope, there is Light and things can work out fine again I'm very sure 50% here are single and would think about freedom and might mislead you. Your home should be your 1st career after your job. Pray and keep applying wisdom and God will help you. I'm sure you will do. The best marriage always work towards solution at all times. And lastly Hell will let loose if you let loose if you do anything funny with that cousin. Start thinking on the long run what might happen. Don't be pleased with 5mins solution. Stay away from his cousin and quit communication with him. May God bless a precious Woman, Mother and Wife like you and your home to be Sweeter Than It Was. All the best.

Don't start thinking of divorce. It only closes all hope to happiness. @biaka1994

cococandy:
Let's say I believe you.
Of all the people you could discuss your sexual problems with, you chose his cousin?
Why not someone who doesn't know him
Someone neutral?

Do you know how embarrassed he will feel when he finds out his cousin knows all the sexual details of your marriage?

Anyway try to stay away from him.
After all is said and done, he's not worth it.
As for how to spice up your sex life and get your husband interested again, the experts are coming. Just be patient.

She didn't say she discussed it with his cousin did she?

My dear you started your relationship on the wrong platform.
I would advice you to read my topic on romance section tittled what makes relationship stand the test of time.
You wil discover that sex and money has noting to do with sustaining relationship only the driven force called love can.
My dear i advice you to read it you can ask your questions iam willing to offer you free councelling service.

Inbox me ur address I've got d remedy...look_jhn@yahoo.co.uk






Pls no 419 mails ,BIKO

My submissions are from experiences. The greatest gift in marriage(relationship) is unfettered communication. Talk to ur hubby like a friend, tell him about ur sexual needs. seek his opinion about what he thinks should be the sex calender per day/week/month. Both of u might need to adopt mutual sex routine. Several factors can affect the sexuality of a man ranging from stress at work, depression from unattained goals, nagging(note a normal lady talk can be a nag to a man), affairs, unfitness, boredom, dirtiness etc. All the needs of humans(sex, food etc) are liable to obssession, even sexual fantasies and affairs can become more pleasurable than marriage intimacies, the end is always destructive. You must stop everything that feeds ur lust. Your problem in a sentence is `intimacy gap`, I want more, he prefers less so why? When u know ur husbands sexual calender through talking explore it but don`t overdo it. Sometime a man might not be in the mood but u can set him in the mood by seductively dressing, fond talking with ur spouse is arousing in itself, learn to handle his joystick, encourage him to take a bath before sexual escapades, give room for missing each other...Sex(arguably) like sleep is not necesarily enjoyed by how long or how many times but by the satisfaction thats comes from it. Work at attaining orgasm in ur love making. But ultimately three things will help u, God by prayers, ur husband by talking openingly/cooperating, and/or a counsellor by counsels. I feel ur pain dear. Stay hopeful. Best

biaka1994:
Please I just need your advice or advices which ever of them. I met my husband in 2013 things were going on well and sweet. We normally make love almost every minute of the day so much dat I got used to it. When we got married and I got pregnant my husband became so cold towards sex I thought maybe he was scared of my pregnancy. Some times i'll have to beg him to make love to me. After much begging he'll reluctantly do it. I gave birth and I thought things would change but it's all the same. I keep begging and begging I have just decided to be myself and take my mind of it. The only person I talk to is his cousin and have become so close to him that am beginning to lust after him he is married tho but he lives close to us. Just this evening I nearly kissed him and I felt so embarrassed. Please guys help me it's Getting out of hand. What do I do? Please no bashing we all are humans and we do silly things atimes.




Cc: Lalasticlala

Women r just entity for damage...banging....imagine i am sure this woman is a sex freak....haba u wan kill ur husband...sex everyday na wa oo..go be a xx star na.....now na him cousin u wan bang......shame on u, u r a a nymphomania i beg

compare yourself then when he was making love with and now that he is avoiding you and try to see if there's any difference. women have a tendency to get blown up during pregnancy and after child birth. should in case you fall under this category try as much to work out. Do lots of exercise and go on diet... try as much as possible to stay fit, look good and sexy. I bet you he will come asking for it. Try as much as possible to stay away from his cousin before it ruins your home. Always pray because nothing is impossible before God. May God help you

fellis:


Firstly both of them made a mistake by having sex without protection yet the woman is the one that should fix the situation by changing herself to please Mr. Oga na master. Not both of them oo, but only the woman. Fixing the problem is her sole responsibility even though husband is the head of the house.
Secondly the man is supposed to be older than her and more sensible but she should be the mature one and start researching the husbands likes and dislikes to make him happy, she should be the mature one. Even though he is almost old enough to father her.
Thirdly, the child she conceived before being forced to marry him is the man's child, technically. Not even the woman's. The child bears his name. Yet he is the angry one because he married a girl when he wasn't ready to marry.
What about her? Didn't she also say she was not in a hurry to get married to him?
How will men ever feel the need to take responsibility for their actions and stop thinking they must blame their wives for everything when women themselves believe that they are the ones that must solve every problem in the marriage? That's how they will cheat tomorrow and come here claiming that their wives are at fault because they got old and fat after childbirth and the same wives should be the ones to solve the problem by fasting and praying for them to stop being unfaithful.

The LCM of the whole issue is for her to take sex out of her mind and work towards making herself a better woman, getting busy and being a little selfish will work cos the man gets irritated when you reminds him of his mistake also she is not going to do it in order to please her spouse but to make herself happy and also to build her self esteem or worth.

biaka1994:
Please I just need your advice or advices which ever of them. I met my husband in 2013 things were going on well and sweet. We normally make love almost every minute of the day so much dat I got used to it. When we got married and I got pregnant my husband became so cold towards sex I thought maybe he was scared of my pregnancy. Some times i'll have to beg him to make love to me. After much begging he'll reluctantly do it. I gave birth and I thought things would change but it's all the same. I keep begging and begging I have just decided to be myself and take my mind of it. The only person I talk to is his cousin and have become so close to him that am beginning to lust after him he is married tho but he lives close to us. Just this evening I nearly kissed him and I felt so embarrassed. Please guys help me it's Getting out of hand. What do I do? Please no bashing we all are humans and we do silly things atimes.




Cc: Lalasticlala

many reasons trigger a man from not wanting sex from his wife, only the married people will understand. i will list a few

1. Do you nag?

2. Are you a reasonable wife that supports the husband financially ?

3. Do you carry out your responsibilities at home (cook clean , take good care of your baby)

4. what is your relationship with his family ? is it cordial?

unless a man is possessed if you do all this including keeping yourself sexy for him. you wont have any problem .

unlike women that speaks from their tongue when angry , a man tries to reduce collateral damage and as such keeps things in his mind. After a while it turns to hate or resentment and that can kill the sex life. retrace yourself and pray . Things can get better again

Maybe Your husband doesn't want more kids..
Iguess

get a dildos

Since U Noticed Dat U Hv Started Having Lustful Feelings Towards His Cousin Den Limit Ur Relation Wit Him Nd Set Boundaries B4 U Commit Adultery Nd Start Regretting

My dear go ahead and kiss the guy. U won't b the first nd the last.

blesoh:
Pretend as if u dont care about sex,dress very sexy u'll see him coming for it.

A married woman should be modest about her dressing, put on a sexy attire all the can turn off your man. He wants to see the woman in you and not the girl. A man that has dissected your body what do you think your sexy wears will do to him. Instead you start looking trashy in his eyes.

It's simple. Just make him jealous.

biaka1994:
Please I just need your advice or advices which ever of them. I met my husband in 2013 things were going on well and sweet. We normally make love almost every minute of the day so much dat I got used to it. When we got married and I got pregnant my husband became so cold towards sex I thought maybe he was scared of my pregnancy. Some times i'll have to beg him to make love to me. After much begging he'll reluctantly do it. I gave birth and I thought things would change but it's all the same. I keep begging and begging I have just decided to be myself and take my mind of it. The only person I talk to is his cousin and have become so close to him that am beginning to lust after him he is married tho but he lives close to us. Just this evening I nearly kissed him and I felt so embarrassed. Please guys help me it's Getting out of hand. What do I do? Please no bashing we all are humans and we do silly things atimes.




Cc: Lalasticlala

The other woman said the husband demands for too much of sex from her.

ArchEnemy:
Why not sit down and have a 'heart to heart ' discussion with your husband. You need to dig deep to know the reasons for his action. And kill that lust Sister before it kills your home

....that almighty line, again
Do you think she hasn't done it even if she never wrote it?
Op, please...everybody doesn't do/feel silly as you connoted in your post. Thank you.

nairalandprince:

What God has yoked together let no cousin put apart









Do you live in Akwa Ibom State?
Do you relish the desire to own your own
business with little start up capital and promising
returns in investment?
Do you hope to look into the mirror each
morning and know you are talking to the boss?
Are you enterprising?/Would you love to be?
Do you have an aptitude for thinking out of the
box?
Then call or add me up on whatsapp
08085188110.
You will be glad you did

GNLD A L E R T!

Bridgetown:
My dear go ahead and kiss the guy. U won't b the first nd the last.

Terrible,misleading, distasteful, unacceptable...fornication.

You better stay away from your husband's cousin or else you want to bring curses on yourself.

Outside of your husband's cousin, adultery is not an option for you.
so try and get your husband talking to know what his problem is.

nkemdi89:

The LCM of the whole issue is for her to take sex out of her mind and work towards making herself a better woman, getting busy and being a little selfish will work cos the man gets irritated when you reminds him of his mistake also she is not going to do it in order to please her spouse but to make herself happy and also to build her self esteem or worth.

Abeg watin dis ppikin dey yarn? Take sex OFF her mind just like that! Is she a tree?

Aye fe lowo si oro re.

biaka1994:
We do communicate, we play a lot we gist but wen it cums 2 sex Dats wen he wil say he is tired n blah blah blah

From what I observed from ur statement, as a cognitive psychologist, I sensed that he does that to protect u from contacting any of the STDs, which he must have contacted elsewhere. So advice u better be very careful. Before any intimacy, Do not miss to do lab test with him.

lilmax:
You have to look sexily presentable to him
Red pant and white bra thats all you need

HAHAHA.....LMAO....RED PANT INDEED...LOL

You know my candid advice, consult your pastor. Friends or relations will only add to the problem cuz the person you are refering to might be facing similar problem but masking a perfume under a casket. Another critical points is that some ladies after giving birth, they CHOSE to start looking old, dressing awkwardly, no care about their physical look again because they are nurturing a child. Please change that perspective if applicable to you, your giving birth doesn't mean you won't be attractive any longer. Omotola ve'got 4 kids and NL dudes are still after her digit(just kidding).

Points

Try to start dressing the way you were before he was attracted to you. Try to keep fit, protect your physical look and dress attractive. I can bet you, that will naturally attracts or call his attention to you. Beauty don't fade in marriage, marriage only fade in beauty. I aint judging though but some ladies chose to look old after giving birth, to take care of their hair is even a national assembly debate. Follow the law's of attraction and everything will be fine again. As for your husband cousin abeg ASAP try to avoid fleshy lost because it can ruin your young marriage. Control your flesh before your flesh controls you

nkemdi89:

A married woman should be modest about her dressing, put on a sexy attire all the can turn off your man. He wants to see the woman in you and not the girl. A man that has dissected your body what do you think your sexy wears will do to him. Instead you start looking trashy in his eyes.

meaning i cant be sexy @ home?
My husband likes it dat way @ home,blv me i ve been in ds situation b4,i search till i got d answer.

tssaah