₦airaland Forum

Seandexter:
This story has gone on for too long and it has taken its toll on me. I have been on and off with this girl for a while now. Nothing official though. I am based in jand and she in naija (uni lag). We met in naija and exchanged details. She came to jand on hols and we hooked up. I made the mistake of coming on too strong for sex early on and which apparently turned her off and we argued a lot on this. But this babe still dey come see me and i dey take her out and spent on her but we just kissed couple of times despite me wanting more. When she left i actually had a breakdown. It felt like her rejecting my sexual advances was like me getting slapped mentally. I eventually moved on and dated after that which she was aware of. She tried to come around when i was naija again but didn't let her as i was dating.

Me and my GF broke up and suddenly i am thinking of her again (to be fair i never really stopped). We reconnected and started talking again. She claims she likes me but cannot jump into anything due to me knowing some of her family members and our fight history. But she still comes around a lot n we talked nearly everyday. we make out, fingered her once but she won't let me go further. She still managed to bill me while doing all this. Now i am back in jand and i have let her know she is just taking advantage of my feelings for her. We aint talking right now. I still feel that she has the edge on me or something. I feel down on it which is why i keep going back i guess. The question is how do i break this hold? I know have sex right?? but i think she also knows this and is playing her cards right.

Also the chick says she likes me a lot but think she is just playing me cos why would u like a guy and not have sex with him after all this while. She is not a virgin and she is probably sexual active. I don't know why but for some reason i feel cheated. Everyone is telling me to move on now that this is taken too much out of me. Everytime you and this babe have anything u end up feeling bad. I am just confused cos moving on means losing and no way to recoup the investment made. I know i sound cheap or rude but i am just saying it now as i feel.

kpolli:
UNILAG, just forget her.... You're just a number in her list of boyfriends.... Maybe saved on her phone as Sean Jand

Better forget your investments, I have forgotten mine tey tey

Demy2015:
The girl in question is just a user. She played you into thinking you had a shot while in hindsight u did not. Learn your lessons and move on. I know how it feels cos you spent a lot of money on her but you will recoup it elsewhere

josh2015:
Typical Unilag babe, she will end up with a guy who will treat her like trash and comeback to be your side chick.

josh2015:
Really??

oshyno:
Same thing happened to me. Bcuz uv invested on her, u find it difficult letting go hoping one day u will insert the sim card. She knows that the day she gives you d punnany all her stronghold, the edge she has over you is gone. Yea shez really a confirmed unilag babe. Playing her card well. Imagine !! Even alllowing you finger her.Getting you all aroused only to leave you like dat. Damn dat bitshh is fvcking smart for d game.

Now let me tell you what u gonno do. Reboot your memory. Erase that thing you call feelings u think u have for her cuz in my dictionary any lady that gets you all worked up, leaves you hanging just like dat is a davil. If it were an SU girl I wud say shez not into sex but allowing u some middle finger into d damn punna without allowing u complete d mission is an abomination.

After the reboot, play along. Infact anytime she calls or u call tell her hw much uv missed her bla bla bla. Tell her there are many cool stuff u saw and will get it for her wen ur coming back. That will get her hopes all up. When u finally show lay bare the things u bought 4 her ( not more dan 70k uv been spending dat b4 soo no biggie ). Demand , no just do the normal romance while undressing her. At this point shez thinking : with all these you bought let me not be stingy at least 4 today. If she insist not giving u u sef refuse her collecting those stuff. Accuse her of liking just d things u buy 4 her but not u. At dis point she will try to put all d defense. fit even tell u say is bcuz of sex u buy things 4 her bla bla. Guy just bone. Pet her and reasure her iz not like dat. That u really really like her. That u will shower her with more luv(gifts ofcourse) if she shud give her same luv. At this point she will loose her guard a little allowing u do the do. Use you Ajaokuta steel iron scater the punna. Nack all styles b4 u return to base. Ofcourse that ends any gifts from u. Any demand tell her wen u come back. U hold d ace now. Now go .I said go and poses ur possession.

Seandexter:
This story has gone on for too long and it has taken its toll on me. I have been on and off with this girl for a while now. Nothing official though. I am based in jand and she in naija (uni lag). We met in naija and exchanged details. She came to jand on hols and we hooked up. I made the mistake of coming on too strong for sex early on and which apparently turned her off and we argued a lot on this. But this babe still dey come see me and i dey take her out and spent on her but we just kissed couple of times despite me wanting more. When she left i actually had a breakdown. It felt like her rejecting my sexual advances was like me getting slapped mentally. I eventually moved on and dated after that which she was aware of. She tried to come around when i was naija again but didn't let her as i was dating.

Me and my GF broke up and suddenly i am thinking of her again (to be fair i never really stopped). We reconnected and started talking again. She claims she likes me but cannot jump into anything due to me knowing some of her family members and our fight history. But she still comes around a lot n we talked nearly everyday. we make out, fingered her once but she won't let me go further. She still managed to bill me while doing all this. Now i am back in jand and i have let her know she is just taking advantage of my feelings for her. We aint talking right now. I still feel that she has the edge on me or something. I feel down on it which is why i keep going back i guess. The question is how do i break this hold? I know have sex right?? but i think she also knows this and is playing her cards right.

Also the chick says she likes me a lot but think she is just playing me cos why would u like a guy and not have sex with him after all this while. She is not a virgin and she is probably sexual active. I don't know why but for some reason i feel cheated. Everyone is telling me to move on now that this is taken too much out of me. Everytime you and this babe have anything u end up feeling bad. I am just confused cos moving on means losing and no way to recoup the investment made. I know i sound cheap or rude but i am just saying it now as i feel.

drnoel:
How old are u? A full blooded woman is stringing u along and u are on Nairaland complaining. God help me if I not slap am for lap with touch and follow. Who born that person?

prosperanyi:
@op... I have one question to ask u... Do u really love this girl or are u simply on a revenge mission? Like they say... there's only a thin line between love and hate. I feel for u. Been there before. I will tell u 100% that u cosd this problem. U r illuminating the wrong image of who u truly are to this babe. U started the relationship by asking her for sex.. She declined .. U guys fought over it and now are on an off n on thing. My brother, that babe sees u as a womanizer and a potential Mugu at that... Period! Have u ever asked her what she thinks of u. What's her perception of u. To be honest... I will say u damn everything and work on ensuring u don't sell a wrong image of ur self to a girl. If this babe sees u in d right light... Trust me she will be d person working hard to keep u. Money is not everything bro.. Personality matters most.

Seandexter:
I know the problem is i dan para for the babe already. Called her a runs girl and all sort of things. She cried when she left my place before i travelled back. But the babe sef no sabi me. I for do more stuff for her if not for all her misbehaviour

oshyno:
Now lets be a bit matured here cuz the scenario I posted above is for one that have time. If you feel she brings more pain than joy to ur life, count ur lose and move on. Erase her from ur memory. And am assuming ur a nice guy that wants a real relationship with a girl. If a girl behaves like she above ur pay grade, dont sweat it dump the girl and move on. By such u will have ur sanity intact and concentrate on making mulla.

One question is does she have feelings 4u. If she does tell her wat I told my girl when she started behaving like beyoncy to me: get real or get out of my life.Life is too short to be sweating over a girl shakara. Stop buying her things but always keep intouch with calls. if she becomes paranoia boy na ur cashew she luvs not u. Bounce asap.

Seandexter:
The does she have feelings for me is what i can't still say. She said she likes me more than i like her. She said she was loving me but my mind is not certain mainly because i have not experienced love without sex involved. A babe that loves me won't keep torturing me emotionally with no sex irrespective of what not. She says she does not want to jump into anything but i just doubt it.

prosperanyi:
@op... U need to understand how females think. The girl is right. She loves u more than u love her. She is afraid u r not man enough yet to handle the real her. That ur just after her body. The way u r all over for the kini only makes her think that's the same way u r over other girls for the same thing.... U get ? Stop being a child n let her know via ur emotions n actions that u can survive without s.ex and that u can control ur urge. And show her u r a changed man. Let her see u go to church n watch u pray. Let her see u involved in society n get busy with ur family and ur plans for making money that u barely call her. But juxtapose this by being humble to her n accommodating whenever u r with her. Girls are freaks for humble guys bro. Make her feel at home whenever she around u and let her know u value her a lot. Infact... Shift ur attention from this babe to other areas of ur life. Do not call her... I repeat do not. If she truly loves u... She will keep contact then keep giving her minimal attention. With time she will forget this monster image u ve made her see u as and start seeing as a responsible guy with a future. Trust me she may willingly one day tell u she wants to do it with u. It has happened to me bro. My one kobo.

oshyno:
Then remove sex from the talk and mind. Connect with her emotionally more by always being in touch. DOes she always demand stuff or u buy them urself out of ur own volition.

My current babe which I'm about finalizing marriage plans said she was not gonno loose her virginity till shez married. I removed sex frm my mind , decided to watch if she will be demanding cash from me. We were calling each oda like fire. We both fell inluv soo deeply cuz I realized she wanted our friendship to be deviod of material attachement or sex. Eventually she even begged that I shud disvirgin her wen she fell too deep inluv with me. The rest is history as they say. Soo free ur mind frm sex.If she disturb u for money.Guy flee.

prosperanyi:
Guy... I noticed one thing here... It's d communication that's d problem. Whenever a girl is telling u her problems... Trust me 90% of them don't want u to solve them. That's where the problem is. As guys all we hear is a problem and we start running helter skelter of how to do all to solve them for a girl. If u do this often... Chances are that u r telling the girl she can't handle her issues her self and u also make urself look stupid cos she will be like... Is this how u solve the problem of every girl that complains to u? Girls are different. When they complain to u... They need ur emotional help not necessarily financial help. Be there for them... Listen to them but don't suggest solutions. Example... If she told me her car light is broken.. I will be like eiyah... How did it happen... She will tell me the story. Then I will tell her that's Lagos for u. And I will ask her if there is anything she needs me to do for her.. If she demands money.. I will politely tell her m not having for now. She may get angry but she will understand later. I will advise her on how to be more careful and even call to suggest how where she can get a cheap replacement. Etc. this way the relationship will grow out of the gold digging stuff into a mutual one or if she is a gold digger it will crumble as she will know u don't throw money around.
now... Since u r outta naija for now give her time n focus on other things in life. Meet other girls and make friends with them. After like 4 months then send her a text telling her she is right all along.. That u have been selfish in the relationship and u promise to treat her better this time.

Germaine324:
I would love to tell you to forget her like the others did but...you need some sort of closure. You choose yours to be sex and she does not want a closure, so she denies you. Sean, am not quite happy with what you said to her though. I truly feel she could really love you but not want to have sex with you because she is scared. I am going to say my dirty secret here. I never had sex with any of my boyfriends cause I was afraid that was what they wanted and thereafter they would pack their bags and leave me.
A boy I used to date while I was in Nigeria was the only boy I ever loved and the one I would not let do anything more than kiss me for fear he would leave me after getting lustfully satisfied.
Illustrating it this way; if there is a meal you do not really like and a meat you do is kept in front of you and you eat the meat first, there is a greater likelihood of your not finishing the food but if the meat is your goal after the meal, you must finish the food. I really think same applies.
She is teasing you with the sex cause she wants the relationship to go on and she loves you too much to let you get over her. She wants you to stay!

Germaine324:
Honestly? I don't think so. See, that's just what men think most of the times when girls don't want to have sex with you. Not kidding. You know, there actually exist girls who know how to close their legs. That she isn't opening it for you really doesn't mean she is opening it for someone else. I can bet my left toe that girl can't shake the thoughts of you off her too. If she was truly cheap, she would keep having sex with you to keep more money coming, don't you think?

UyiIredia:
Girls and money like bees and honey.

Germaine324:
If I met you, I sure wouldn't date you for love but for money too. Know why? Caus you suck. No discipline, respect, sense of responsibility and pure common sense in the way you are talking! Stereotyping is illiteracy at one of its cruelest. It would be just as bad if I sat in my high and mighty throne and judge all men into the same box and say they never love a woman, all they want is sex! Just don't get me mad, okay?

Seandexter:
Ok let me put something's in context and see if your opinion remains. She smokes and drinks. She also told me that she has had a one night stand before which she regretted and it was one of the times we were not talking for a while and that's the only time she's had sex since we started talking over a year ago. Seems too good to be true right? Also she won't sleep with me cos she knows I'm spending now on her and if she does I might just leave. That's my intepretation might be wrong tho

UyiIredia:
Kpele ! Don't cry again. I'll buy you ice cream.