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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him (93018 Views)
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Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by bukatyne(f): 1:57pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
byvan03: Lols! 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 2:05pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
edwife:Nne, ayam loaded. Name ya price. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 2:06pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
bukatyne: Then she can take her chances. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 2:07pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
Hello to u Madam. I might not be married long enough (six months) but I've been with him long enough to know that a woman is not a maid. Why is ur husband disrespecting u this much? It all depends on how u started the relationship. He got used to u being his maid and now he wants u to be his maid for the rest of ur lives. The problem with us women is that while dating we pretend to be the ultimate by cleaning cooking and washing his butt when needs be. After marriage we then expect him to suddenly grow out of it?? Grab urself back up. U are are woman. His wife! Not his maid. Communication is the best thing here. In my opinion coming back here to ask doesn't help cause people's opinions differ and u might get confused in the end and maybe ruin. Ur marriage. Let me give u an example. I once was in a long distance relationship because of schooling and working and when we got engaged I had gone to visit him for a few days. It was the worst experience of my life cause he needed a maid. Not a wife. He had no respect for me and expected me to cook him breakfast, lunch, dinner, clean and do the laundry without him helping one bit . I couldn't take that disrespect from a man and I broke off the whole thing. My dear, talk to ur husband about this when he's in the right mood, explain to him how much u have to do around the house. With ur love and patience he will come to understand and help u do chores when he has the time. Communication is key. I have seven years with thesame man to prove it. Please ladies, don't start the relationship by being his slave otherwise u will be that forever. Marriage is a 50/50 affair and don't let anyone tell u a man is ur lord. Man of the house? What about the woman of the house? My husband (then fiancé) came home earlier from work and he used to cook dinner before I was back. Did that make him less of a man? I also do things for him and we make sacrifices for eachother. That's what love is. 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 2:21pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
bukatyne: Hubby: I prefer if you serve my food and dish it as well Me: Ok Hubby: Babe, hand me the spanner will you please? Me: I can't darling, I just had my nails done and don't want to be touching any spanner. Does that help? I don't even understand this busy thing sef! Busy doing what exactly? How long does it take to serve food? I recall that my mum after serving my dad's food as described by the OP would sit beside him and watch him eat till he finishes. 6 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by SonOfEl(m): 2:30pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
zeeblamj: madam, your marriage is still young, so don't sound to 'expert'. nobody said a woman is a slave or must call her husband lord, the point is s woman must honour her husband deeply, its called reverence (I know you hate to hear this part). the man too should love his wife deeply(pamper her always, but correct her when you have too, you don't expect her to tell you that, that's why you are a man, the head of the house) anyway, wish you the best in your new married life. 6 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by edwife(f): 2:35pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
Timbuktou: Yimu! |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 2:38pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
SonOfEl: Thank u for ur best wishes. Like I said earlier , I am not the best expert on marriage cause I haven't been married long and every man is different. I have a profound respect for my husband and he has thesame for me. We have gone through a lot together in the past seven years. I do sincerely hope that this lady fixes this issue somehow. Communication, and understanding eachother is key. It's possible that the hubby is insecure and thinks that the way to ensure he is still the boss is if she serves him or whatever. She needs to reassure him that he's the boss and not serving him cause she is busy with all the work doesn't mean he isn't relevant. Some men are like that and still good men. That doesn't mean u can't show him he's wrong in not helping matters. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by edwife(f): 2:39pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
naijababe: I have always been curious to know,how long does it takes to cook and serve an individual....one o. According to NL your mum has a slave mentality. watching him eat? 4 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 2:40pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
zeeblamj: In my books, you have no business visiting a man you are yet to be married to for a few days. Why would he not disrespect you, when you put out yourself as 'oshofree' 5 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 2:42pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
edwife:Watching him or eating together could be a sign of love and support. But being busy and still be expected to come and serve him when u probably haven't eaten urself cause u are sorting the kids out for school or preparing for work is absurd. Some people are not understanding at all. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by SonOfEl(m): 2:44pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
edwife: on the contrary, its like a mum watching her baby gobble the food she prepared for him with love and satisfaction. so much for your type wanting a romantic and caring husband.....yimu |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by bukatyne(f): 2:48pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
zeeblamj: Thank you and end of discussion 6 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by orogodoganyin(m): 2:49pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
actually, ther's a hint of neglect in not doing it. it's little things lyk that wch prolong marriage. on the other hand, just b happy i'm not ur husband. if not, i'll tell u to kneel down, put the tray on ur head while i eat 4rm it. mtchewwww 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by TV01(m): 2:49pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
Ewuro4: Holá J, hope all's well. How are the girls dem? And Oga. Best to all. I expect posh restaurant service at home. Chateaubriand, not burger shack ! TV 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 2:50pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
naijababe: U have ur reasons for that not being in ur books and I have mine for it being in mine. Like I said, we had only met a few times and were about to be married. I sure did want to know what it was like to be his fiancé before taking the next step. Well it all depends on a person. what about people who move in with their gfs or bfs? Is that a bad thing? Or girls who sneak out of the house to have sex and come back 5 hours later. That's the wrong thing in my books. Be open. Live ur life freely instead of going behind ur parents backs even at 27yr old. I'm just saying that the foundation of every relationship is what makes it what it turns out to be in 10 years. We really should rise above cultural teachings where they only know where they are taken to be married on the wedding day. What if u don't like his place? What if he treats u shitty after? What if ur sexual /romantic life sucks? Anyway it all depends on how everybody is raised and I'm not judging anyone. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by edwife(f): 2:51pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
zeeblamj: Some couples bond during dinner,it's when they get to share or talk about their day or things.If i know that my husband loves when i sit and serve him or likes eating together as an intelligent woman,i will manage my time correctly. I will make sure i finish whatever i am doing or need to do whenever it is dinner time.You don't do chores around the clock,there is time for everything.Like I said earlier,unless it is something beyond my control,such man will not insist you do that. I watched my mother do it all my life and she still does it,nothing changed in her-she is successful,happy and fulfilled. 7 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Jahblessme: 2:56pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
Everyone's home is different. If a woman feels like its just not her cup of tea to dish out food,it's who she is.Does that make her a bad person?NO.Does that make her home less happy than yours? No. If the man grew up in a home where his mother dished the food and gazed adoringly at her husband while he ate every morsel,it's understandable that he'd expect to see the same replicated in his home. If 2 people like this jam whats the solution? They must meet mid way or resentment will build up. I'd be offended if i'm told 'I wont eat because service is not complete'..wtf? Some other person would laugh it off.I'm not also one to be bothered if food is rejected...I grew up seeing my dad doing this very often so i became immune to it so if i was the wife in this situation declining to eat would be wasted on me. In our home we eat together most times,sometimes he dishes for me sometimes i dish for him..Depends on what's happening.I may just not be in the mood to fix anything and he takes over.Does it make his blokos shrivel?NO.Does it make me grow a blokos?NO.Point is we are serving each other happily. Forcing someone to do something makes the person more resistant and resentful.We shouldn't force our expectations on others.That your father or ancestor did it doesn't mean your partner will want to do it.Happiness of a home is dependent on compromise and every member feeling included. The fact that someone may view this as a form of slavery is up to that person affected,after all everyone comes from a different place and from different standards.If Ms A feels she's too busy to dish food or sit around chatting,i don't know her situation so cannot judge. However,meal times are a good time for a family to bond. If she feels she has to provide 'service' by forcefully dishing the food and waiting on him hand and food while he eats,its easy to see how she won't want to spend extra time in his company.. If such an act does not come from a loving place,its useless. I grew up watching my dad served hand and foot in this kind of manner,it was a chore to my mother. Ofcourse I resented such an act and knew I wouldn't be forced into doing such a thing.However,I went and married a man who is so chilled and didn't make a big deal of serve me and watch me eat.It just flowed for us cos I know he'd do same for me and the kids without batting an eyelid. Different strokes different folks.If a man lovingly leads by example,or kindly shows what he likes, his wife will turn into certified mugu for him. Simple as ABC 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by TV01(m): 3:05pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
bukatyne:If indeed a husband serves his wife - and children, and community - is he therefore not the head of them? In washing His disciples feet, was The Lord "mutually submitting to them in love" - as you have described it in the past?? Was The Lord not Head of the Church - as a husband is to be head of the home bukatyne:Of a necessity, your answer as "christian" must contradict your response as "a feminist" in this case, as they are diametrically opposed and cannot be reconciled without re-interpreting one or both ideologies. "The whole Bukatyne" - what is that exactly , a new syncretic reigion, merging christinity and feminism, but being neither fish nor fowl? You must be the only adherent - on NL at least. No other adherent of feminism has claimed it aligns with christianity - especially regards marriage dynamics - on this forum. They all choose one or t'other . Isn't it a lonely struggle? It must give you palpitations having to make so many assertions that simply don't make sense or accord with either doctrine in order to forcibly align the two - somethings gotta give https://www.nairaland.com/2351801/feminism-joke-nigeriafor-now/6#34377924 TV 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by bukatyne(f): 3:06pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
naijababe: It seems we are all missing the issue here If this wife is wrong, it is in the issue of time management and not 'accusing the husband of slavery' afterall, she had even served it in a cooler on the table Sitting beside your husband and watching him eat/eating with him is obviously a part/sign of love and not 'duty' 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Joy1706(f): 3:08pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
SonOfEl:Everyone can understand? But you did not understand instead u went on and on about how women should revere their husbands like Sarah did 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Joy1706(f): 3:08pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
Timbuktou:Not a bad idea |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Ewuro4: 3:09pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
TV01: We're doing great thank you very much. Well it's your home so why not? |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by bukatyne(f): 3:11pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
TV01: Thank you for the concern, it is not necessary At least I am not the person who says one thing to paint a picture and does something else. Save your concerns for yourself; this thread is not about me. 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by bukatyne(f): 3:12pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
SonOfEl: Suddenly everyone can understand? 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 3:13pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
naijababe: Duh, doing other chores. At least, fifteen years. Please, that was slavery not marriage. We're discussing marriage here. Thank you as you comment in line with the thread's original direction. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by alfa0: 3:13pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
pretydiva: On the contrary,i think they are lacking understanding. for instance,my wife does all these with happiness,there are days she will prepare the meals,place it on the table,calls me that food is ready,when am on the table ,she will dish it,but to my greatest surprise,she will tell me to eat while she wakes our second son to feed him that she guess he might be hungry.i will say No,because i prefer eating with her.most times she will refuse,in such case,i will say ok,the food can wait while i feed the first son who is 2yrs plus now.she will smile,we feed the boys together ,then get back to our food. but most times when am seriously hungry,i will be feeding the boy and same time eating my food.i encourage her to do same ,she will try and end up leaving the food to feed the baby. i believe people make much fuss about things that happen in homes when they don't know how to play their wings very well.maturity comes from both sides,the woman can dish the food without seeing it as extra work.she is complaining because she sees it as extra work and that is why the man is miss behaving too. 7 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 3:15pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
edwife: Please, what is this Eddy, don't start what you can't finish. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 3:15pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
bukatyne:Abi Oo? Tell them abeg. Lol 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 3:17pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
alfa0:Thanks man . See? Even a man understand. What they need is communication, and mutual understanding. It's not fair not help the woman at all and still complain. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 3:18pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
naijababe: 9 Likes
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Re: My Husband Insists I Dish Food For Him by Nobody: 3:21pm On Sep 02, 2015 |
TV01: You'll have a lot of educating to do. Most people here ate on mats and bare floor and have no appreciation for such finery. 3 Likes |
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