ismart:
na u know. it's very obvious you not willing to contribute anything to a man... you want to boss him around and put him under your armpit. I pity the mumu wey go marry you. A smart guy will never give you the chance...

So, your cousin na be smart man?

KanwuliaJara:


Na who ask you all dis wan sef?

Only you wan dey tok for:

1. The BABE.
2. Your Cousin.
3. Your Aunty.
4. YOURSELF.

Haba!!!! Na only you waka kam?
You be REAAAAAL AMEBO

yes, I be AMEBO cos i no b mumu wey ur likes go use clean ground.

ismart:
yes, I be AMEBO cos i no b mumu wey ur likes go use clean ground.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. . . .wey your own babe?
Abi you be "Eunuch"?

KanwuliaJara:

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. . . .wey your own babe? Abi you be "Eunuch"?

bring your toto to confirm if I be Eunuch

ismart:
bring your toto to confirm if I be Eunuch

hilarious

OP, has anybody spoken to the lady at any point in time to ask why she has not been helping out as expected? Do you realise she might not even be aware that you guys are not happy with her? Remember she is coming from a different family and not familiar with how you guys run your things...

It is this break down in communication that turn MILs against their DILs. Expectations needs to be expressly communicated and not assumed.

Did the man complain to you?

ismart:
madam, a child is not a guarantee. I repeat it is not a guarantee. Tomorrow your likes would accuse men. Life is give and take... tell me why you are alive. Why is your body breathing? how does it breathe? In case you don't know, it breathes in Oxygen and breathe out carbondioxide... and in other to balance the ecosystem, plants breathe in your carbon dioxide and give you oxygen to breathe, Why this laws are defiled, there is a break down in the system.

You don't just get it... this girl does NOTHING.

she ONLY receive... she gives nothing.

There has to be something you give... show you care!

cococandy:
Did the man complain to you?

lol

Why are you women like this? Why make it seem like the girl is unjustly being attacked? I am getting the vibes from y'all on here and it's really pathetic.

You guys are women and remember you will eventually grow old. Would you be happy to see your son in the hands of a woman with bad manners? Is this the kind of woman you want for you son? A woman that can't love/respect your family? A woman that is only there because of money she is getting?

Nobody is asking her to come and become a slave but there are responsibilities expected of daughter in law.

At least when she delivered, responsibilities of mother in law was well taken by my aunt.

So many men are reading your comments here and I am sure they are taking notes.

Tufia!

Such a bad start....everybody already if i were the gal, I would have vamoose unless I'm waiting for the ship to sail me to the land of milk and honey . Too many hands in the broth and that's why she is sending ya all on some psychological trip. Now ease up, be friendly to her and ask nicely to give some help.
Una don hate the gal finish so this union no go last at all at, all.

ismart:
okay. we go see how far the said girl will go... where her power reach she go show us. Everybody has already taken note of her character, including a neighbour that was with us the day the thieves broke into the house. We shall...

make you and the fool wey dey like your post continue. una sef go born and una pikin go marry...

armyofone:
Such a bad start....everybody already if i were the gal, I would have vamoose unless I'm waiting for the ship to sail me to the land of milk and honey . Too many hands in the broth and that's why she is sending ya all on some psychological trip. Now ease up, be friendly to her and ask nicely to give some help.
Una don hate the gal finish so this union no go last at all at, all.

nobody is hating on her unjustly. She brought it on herself.

In life certain things happen for a reason. If my aunt never went for surgery, she wouldn't have known this is her kind of person.

Everybody has taken note of her character.

My aunt didn't even know I had taken note likewise same for me as I didn't know she was taking. Meaning everybody were making observations until she spoke to me yesterday.

Would you want such a girl for your brother? What if this is your mother?

I will be travelling next week and wont be back for a long time. Who will be with my aunt? Who?

It's just terrible.

so wicked of you to say the girl is going. You are working and plotting the downfall so badly. She has a child already and every child must have the love and support of dad and mom. I hope you will be willing to play the mother's role if your plot is successful.
But I doubt it because common to help your aunt you couldn't but trying to contract that responsibility to another woman who may have her own daily nig hassles.
Kai, dongo surutu.

ismart:
wetin consine you too. whether you talk from now till tomorrow, I am sure, very sure that girl is going.

No woman wants to see her son get married to bad lady who has no single value!

armyofone:
so wicked of you to say the girl is going. You are working and plotting the downfall so badly. She has a child already and every child must have the love and support of dad and mom. I hope you will be willing to play the mother's role if your plot is successful.
But I doubt it because common to help your aunt you couldn't but trying to contract that responsibility to another woman who may have her own daily nig hassles.
Kai, dongo surutu.

not really to be sincere. A good woman is a good woman and a bad woman is a bad woman. It won't change!

You can't give what you don't have.

I am not plotting anything. It's the mother in law that will do what she ought to do as a mother-- protect her child.

If she changes, which I hope she does, all good.

That girl won't even cook for her husband from the look of things. It's very obvious.

When you tell girls to learn good manners, they prefer to use what they see on modern TV. They forget that this is Nigeria and tradition still stand!

Take a look at yourself, are you wearing jeans and t shirt or tying leaves around your waist ?
Go with the tides bros.
Wednesday night sleep calling.
Best of luck and be good to sister.

ismart:

When you tell girls to learn good manners, they prefer to use what they see on modern TV. They forget that this is Nigeria and tradition still stand!

This girl is still weak to start a business as your aunt said earlier, why is she worried or 'bittered' that she can't help her cook, wash and bla bla. @Op I totally understand your point but you're totally Wrong. All these are not in any way a medium to portray ones good or bad act. We all came from different homes.
Make I tell you one weird thing (to people that might see it as) when my Mum comes to my house, She washes my beddings,clothes,fetch water for me from the well if the water tap stops running,run my bath, Make my meals. I no sick o, na just small laziness o(wetin you go Call that one). And she'd jokingly ask me if I can try this at my inlaws when I eventually get married. . Truth is can Y'all stop seeing this babe as 'a plant in the ecosystem' and see her like a daughter?
And you have finalized even before your cousin that she is going! Odikwa risky! As early as 1am, you want to jeopardize a fresh marriage. Oloun wa.
If she has not given anything in return my brother she has given a child! Yes A Child! I know a lot of marriages with a not-so-good woman and the men are only overlooking cos of the CHILD(ren) involved. Why is this then different?
And then you listing out all the guy has done for her. You think say to kpansh easy huh? Abeg my brother help me overlook all her shortcomings and pardon her manners. If she LEAVES, aunty must Waka by force o cos that's double stress for her. Let's allow her enjoy this birthing period it'd soon be over and she no get excuse again. Na God I carry beg you

ismart:


when my mother was alive, it was same warning she dished out to us.

I know how many girls I have asked to get out of my life once I noticed any silly behavior.

Now to be candid with you, because you've been sending women packing out of your life does not mean your cousin will send his wife packing out of his life. You will be very shocked to hear your cousin's opinion about the matter on ground.
Your aunt must have noticed her seemingly bad behaviour from the onset, why didn't she correct her? She is like a mother to her, and should have told her what is expected of her.
I don't know the distance of where your aunt was staying to the girl's place as that could also be a factor why she didn't visit more. On the issue of not helping out, she's most likely a very lazy person especially towards housework, and possibly not so caring because if she and her husband were, they should have suggested getting a maid for your aunt.
Your cousin has been very complicit in all this. Hasn't he been calling his mother to find out how she's been coping all this while? Doesn't he know his wife hasn't been going there daily to help his mother?
Anyway, no need flogging a dead horse. What your aunt needs is a maid, probably live-in that your cousin should pay for.

goldenruby:
This girl is still weak to start a business as your aunt said earlier, why is she worried or 'bittered' that she can't help her cook, wash and bla bla. @Op I totally understand your point but you're totally Wrong. All these are not in any way a medium to portray ones good or bad act. We all came from different homes.
Make I tell you one weird thing (to people that might see it as) when my Mum comes to my house, She washes my beddings,clothes,fetch water for me from the well if the water tap stops running,run my bath, Make my meals. I no sick o, na just small laziness o(wetin you go Call that one). And she'd jokingly ask me if I can try this at my inlaws when I eventually get married. . Truth is can Y'all stop seeing this babe as 'a plant in the ecosystem' and see her like a daughter?
And you have finalized even before your cousin that she is going! Odikwa risky! As early as 1am, you want to jeopardize a fresh marriage. Oloun wa.
If she has not given anything in return my brother she has given a child! Yes A Child! I know a lot of marriages with a not-so-good woman and the men are only overlooking cos of the CHILD(ren) involved. Why is this then different?
And then you listing out all the guy has done for her. You think say to kpansh easy huh? Abeg my brother help me overlook all her shortcomings and pardon her manners. If she LEAVES, aunty must Waka by force o cos that's double stress for her. Let's allow her enjoy this birthing period it'd soon be over and she no get excuse again. Na God I carry beg you

chaii..this post is like a spray of ice on a hot summer day...every other post here has been nothing but mumblings.

Op, ismart, get your aunt a maid, that's what she needs!

A woman is nursing a baby and you still expect her to be all up and doing. .. To take care of all chores including washing her own clothes, baby's clothes and aunt's clothes. .cooking for her baby and herself. .then go over to your aunts and cook for her... then all other chores too.... even without a baby, it's too much for a person talk more of someone nursing a child....


Stop all the talk and get your aunt a maid!

ismart between you and your aunt its like you are both waiting for the girl to fail and break therelationship up.
Do you have someone else in mind for your cousin?
have you consodered the fate of the new baby and how your cousin will feel. Afterall he loves the girl & he kmows what he saw in her. If you chase her away how do you want him to feel?

I agree your aunt has been through a lot, regarding her health and neeed care, but all that should have been thought out by all of you before or even during the situation. Where is her son in all of this?

Not everyone has initiative and maybe if you had asked the girl to come and help your aunty she would have done it or arranged for help
But it seems you are both waiting for her to fail. That isnt really fair.

You already said she is not strong enough for buisness but how is she then strong enough to wash clothes and run up and down from her hous to your aunts house.
Yes she could have been more supportive and shown more care, but did any of you guide her?

My SIL tells me off and advises me like she would her daughters. She has that right to. She wont wait until I mess up and then start bad mouthing me and plotting to get rid of me.
She does that cos she sees me as part of the family and not an outsider. Has any of you even spoken to the girl at all and advise her of your expectations? Is anyone mentoring her? . . . . .apart from you and your aunty taking and comparing notes and plotting to get rid of her?
. . . .And you are a guy which is even more surprising.

ismart:
nobody is hating on her unjustly. She brought it on herself.

In life certain things happen for a reason. If my aunt never went for surgery, she wouldn't have known this is her kind of person.

Everybody has taken note of her character.

My aunt didn't even know I had taken note likewise same for me as I didn't know she was taking. Meaning everybody were making observations until she spoke to me yesterday.

Would you want such a girl for your brother? What if this is your mother?

I will be travelling next week and wont be back for a long time. Who will be with my aunt? Who?

It's just terrible.

@ bolded, I really pity that girl... Everyone is marking register for her..Even if she has no fault, you all must dig out some, since that's what you all want to see...
What's your business? Una no get work? Why can't you leave your cousin or whoever to handle his wife the way he wants?

You expected her to be in the hospital throughout?. .who would she have left her baby with?

You expect her to be a 'super woman', taking care of her baby and your hospitalised aunt at same time.. What's wrong with you taking care of your aunt? Or only women can take care of people?
She was even visiting the hospital, your complaint is that she never stayed beyond an hour. . Nawa oo ...

Showing care is different from doing chores except your own definition of care is chores ... You have tagged her bad because she doesn't handle all chores, you never see bad woman sef !!

Get your aunt a maid!

Funny enough the boy will damn his mothers advice and throw the biggest weddings ever for that girl.

MarvellousGod:
@ bolded, I really pity that girl... Everyone is marking register for her..Even if she has no fault, you all must dig out some, since that's what you all want to see...
What's your business? Una no get work? Why can't you leave your cousin or whoever to handle his wife the way he wants?

You expected her to be in the hospital throughout?. .who would she have left her baby with?

You expect her to be a 'super woman', taking care of her baby and your hospitalised aunt at same time.. What's wrong with you taking care of your aunt? Or only women can take care of people?
She was even visiting the hospital, your complaint is that she never stayed beyond an hour. . Nawa oo ...

Showing care is different from doing chores except your own definition of care is chores ... You have tagged her bad because she doesn't handle all chores, you never see bad woman sef !!

Get your aunt a maid!

If it was her mom?

delishpot:


If it was her mom?

My mum will chase me away
She will tell me to go back to my baby and focus on that
She will probably start crying that now that she wants to look after me and the baby, the operation is limiting her.

As the operation was not an emergency, she would have made other arrangements beforehand abd She would have other people around her to look after her

This is where the Op and the aunt come in. Different backgrounds account for different behaviours, and some of these girls are wet behind the ears and are naive and these girls need support, advise and mentoring and she will grow in time.

Show her love and she will be willing to learn and please.
Some people just need to be shown what to do

delishpot:


If it was her mom?

Her mum or not is immaterial here cos I expect her to treat her MIL well.. I treat mine well...

If it were her mum, it would have been easier because her mum would have easily understood that a nursing mother won't have all the time to take care of someone in the hospital. She would have gotten a relative/maid to help either with the hospital or with the baby....But these people view it otherwise because they already have bad thoughts planted in their minds... would the op have thought same way if it were their sister involved? They would have probably understood she can't handle it ...

A nursing mother can't take the full responsibility of a hospitalised person, it's much burden. . And she just put to bed.. who would she be leaving her baby with? A new born baby needs 100% care....

Instead of the op who seems to be around to help out, he's expecting the woman to handle everything. . Not cool...
Also, what's their communication like? Op in one of his posts said he ignored her when he saw her.. is that the best way to communicate to a person?

If the woman hadn't put to bed, it would have been a different case...

Lol@some comments.

Op,you and your aunt have too much expectations from this girl.She's coming from another background so you can't expect her to be perfect with you.Moreover,she's nursing a baby.
You guys can communicate your thoughts to her in a loving manner and she can make at least some adjustments.
Have you spoken with your cousin?Perhaps,he doesn't even know all this.

MarvellousGod:
Her mum or not is immaterial here cos I expect her to treat her MIL well.. I treat mine well...

If it were her mum, it would have been easier because her mum would have easily understood that a nursing mother won't have all the time to take care of someone in the hospital.. But these people view it otherwise because they already have bad thoughts planted in their minds...

Her own mum would have gotten a relative to help either with the hospital or with the baby. ...

A nursing mother can't take the full responsibility of a hospitalised person, it's much burden. . And she just put to bed.. who would she be leaving her baby with? A new born baby needs 100% care....

Instead of the op who seems to be around to help out, he's expecting the woman to handle everything. . Not cool...

If the woman hadn't put to bed, it would have been a different case...

Truth is I do not kniw what the girls life is like. Does she have family? As in a mom? At least she could spare 1day of the week to leave baby with her mom and go take care of her future MIL who is sick for some hours na. Lets be real here biko. Even if mama had a maid, that girl should try and be a bit more involved in her welfare.

OP, it is like you come from a very proud family cos that's what I see from your post.
Them buy her car, take her go Dubai for the first time and all the crap Such audacity!
Which one be your own sef

She seem to have noticed the high-handedness in your family. And truthfully she may not be interested in the marriage you are screaming like a "trophy". I pray she is bold enough to run away soon.

All these amebo amebo family sef
Marriage ke? Ta!

And in case your brother reads this, my advice is: If he is bothered, the he should sit down her and teach her with love. Love melts hearts. Love is the secret.

goldenruby:
This girl is still weak to start a business as your aunt said earlier, why is she worried or 'bittered' that she can't help her cook, wash and bla bla. @Op I totally understand your point but you're totally Wrong. All these are not in any way a medium to portray ones good or bad act. We all came from different homes.
Make I tell you one weird thing (to people that might see it as) when my Mum comes to my house, She washes my beddings,clothes,fetch water for me from the well if the water tap stops running,run my bath, Make my meals. I no sick o, na just small laziness o(wetin you go Call that one). And she'd jokingly ask me if I can try this at my inlaws when I eventually get married. . Truth is can Y'all stop seeing this babe as 'a plant in the ecosystem' and see her like a daughter?
And you have finalized even before your cousin that she is going! Odikwa risky! As early as 1am, you want to jeopardize a fresh marriage. Oloun wa.
If she has not given anything in return my brother she has given a child! Yes A Child! I know a lot of marriages with a not-so-good woman and the men are only overlooking cos of the CHILD(ren) involved. Why is this then different?
And then you listing out all the guy has done for her. You think say to kpansh easy huh? Abeg my brother help me overlook all her shortcomings and pardon her manners. If she LEAVES, aunty must Waka by force o cos that's double stress for her. Let's allow her enjoy this birthing period it'd soon be over and she no get excuse again. Na God I carry beg you

you are just saying all this cos you are a woman as well. I know it's not easy cos to give birth.

The things is this girl doesn't show any sign that she cares at all. She lacks completely home maintenance.

delishpot:


Truth is I do not kniw what the girls life is like. Does she have family? As in a mom? At keast she could spare 1day of the week to leave baby with her mom and go take care of her future MIL who is sick for some hours na. Lets be real here biko. Even if mama had a maid, that girl should try and be a bit more involved in her welfare.

As you said we don't know what the girl's life is like... Also we don't know why op's family can't bring someone over to help...

Ofcourse she should be involved in her MIL's welfare. . She seems involved but they want her all involved at the expense of her baby. ..

If this girl is bad as op has painted, the MIL wouldn't have done everything the op said she did during 'omugwo'.. the girl and the MIL wouldn't have gotten along that well....
I think they expect too much from her if not everything. ..

I rest my case biko, let them sort themselves. ..

delishpot:


Truth is I do not kniw what the girls life is like. Does she have family? As in a mom? At keast she could spare 1day of the week to leave baby with her mom and go take care of her future MIL who is sick for some hours na. Lets be real here biko. Even if mama had a maid, that girl should try and be a bit more involved in her welfare.

may God bless you my brother. May your wife be a blessing your home. May you live to enjoy your children.

Isn't it sickening what all the women all here are talking? Giving flimsy excuses.

My grouse is that the girl in question didn't DO ANYTHING. this is mother in law that took care of her, bathed her etc.

But same girl have energy to drive car around abi?

What will take out of her do cooking or washing clothes... What?

I know some mother in law that make their daughter in law see hell. Here she is blessed with good one but totally messed it up.

You can't even count one benefit she adds to the family. One dey count pikin like say pikin na the only contribution a woman should add to a family.


Just look at the kind of women of this current generation.

No non of them can at least say ah this girl sef no try.

God forbid I meet any of this kind of women. A woman that has no value is not worth my time. I say it again! Hate it if you wish.

I don't blame the girl much. Na my cousin I blame.

WTF... I am pissed man!

MarvellousGod:

Ofcourse she should be involved in her MIL's welfare. . She seems involved but they want her all involved at the expense of her baby...

she is not involved... SHE ISN'T. Her visit is more like a force so as not seem like no human.

How is she involved? You tell me.

I knew people, especially the ladies, wouldn't believe it because the story is just too heavy on the said girl.

Before child birth has she ever done anything worthwhile for her MIL? Is it her clothes she washed, did she ever cooked? Etc NO!

Sometimes you guys need to put your own mother in the picture.

In life I believe we all need to SHOW we have a heart. I don't need to have millions before I can help you. There are ways I can show you I care, countless ways.

Can same be said about this girl? NO!

Okay let's take just yesterday as a case study.

MIL calls DIL and informed her she has arrived home. A sensible girl could have said okay mummy... Who will cook for you. Okay i will be there by so and so time to check on you. Absolutely nothing! And I can bet you that she wont show up in more than a week! Yes, she is that predictable already.

Would she do same to her own mother?

She should help in little ways that's all I am saying. She is not helping at all and that's the problem.

ismart:
Why are you women like this? Why make it seem like the girl is unjustly being attacked? I am getting the vibes from y'all on here and it's really pathetic.

You guys are women and remember you will eventually grow old. Would you be happy to see your son in the hands of a woman with bad manners? Is this the kind of woman you want for you son? A woman that can't love/respect your family? A woman that is only there because of money she is getting?

Nobody is asking her to come and become a slave but there are responsibilities expected of daughter in law.

At least when she delivered, responsibilities of mother in law was well taken by my aunt.

So many men are reading your comments here and I am sure they are taking notes.

Tufia!

I need to understand the timeline....

When did she put to bed?