In this 21st century, some people are still poke nosing in other people's homes, OP go begin ur home first and see. Ur just a cousin and it's like this, what if he's ur brother. If ur family can't unite with this girl, leave her alone to enjoy her home or mess it up as she likes. Minding your business takes u ahead of people's shortcomings

ismart:
I just had to comment because I realised that there are so few "wife" around here and it's just complete waste engaging folks.

There seem to be a misconception in my writeup.

I didn't imply that she should become house help automatically. What mean is that she seem to lack complete home maintenance... The like that won't even collect a broom from her MIL if she saw her sweeping.

Come on people, is this how you guys treat your MIL or would like to be treated by your DIL?

There is what is expected of a wife to show she has proper home training. This girl is lacking in that department completely.

But since people here don't see anything wrong with such attitude, I do hope their future DIL treat them in same manner and even give them plates to wash or clothes to wash and fall back on bed watching movie. By then they will understand better.

To those who have been defending her act, do you go to your MIL's house, wake up in the morning and do absolutely nothing? You people should know that someone is reading what is posted and you might passing wrong message.

Can you swear that you have NEVER done anything in anyway to show your mother in law that you are well brought up or where you came from they don't have elders there?

Jehovah!

I rest my case.

I can help my MIL but we are not the same because we came from different background.

ismart:
nobody is hating on her unjustly. She brought it on herself.

In life certain things happen for a reason. If my aunt never went for surgery, she wouldn't have known this is her kind of person.

Everybody has taken note of her character.

My aunt didn't even know I had taken note likewise same for me as I didn't know she was taking. Meaning everybody were making observations until she spoke to me yesterday.

Would you want such a girl for your brother? What if this is your mother?

I will be travelling next week and wont be back for a long time. Who will be with my aunt? Who?

It's just terrible.

ermm... but u can easily pay maids to do those chores naa. to me this is a no-issue. Just saying...

KanwuliaJara:


Meaning what?
To take care of young woman and to take care of A GRUMPY, OOOOOLD WOMAN na de same?

If you dey find "slave" to buy, una nor sabi wia "baby farm" dey?

The girl is smart o!
Never start what you can't finish!

I pray that you will get old and have daughter inlaws, who will treat you in like manner. And that you can make that statement you dropped above, afterward in future!

This girl in question completely has nothing to write home about. I hope you don't have a sister that is still single.

ismart:
I remember saying having a child for me isn't a guarantee that a woman will remain in my house.

People attacked me without understanding why I made such statement.

Some 4 months ago, my cousin had his first child. My aunt, being the mother in law to be made sure she (daughter in law to be) got the best care. She took care of the daughter in law to be, bathed her grandchild every morning, afternoon and night.

After a month plus, my aunt followed her son to his house and continued with the care for another 1 month plus.

However due to an accident she had in 2012, she had to undergo proper surgery to straighten her leg because after the accident, no surgery was done but just traditional treament which didn't do much as the leg, a few CM above the ankle was bent and you can see the protruding bone.

Being hardworking woman, she did a lot of works with the leg.

I travelled to Lagos and when I returned, I was informed that she was in the hospital. I had to move to her sisters house same day so I can check on her.

On gettting there I saw her on the hospital bed. Few weeks later she was discharged from hospital.

This daughter in law to be was rarely around. When she comes, she would barely spend up to an hour before leaving. She has NEVER washed my aunt's clothes. Through out the 2 months that my aunt was discharged from hospital, the girl NEVER bought anything for my aunt as a mother in law to her. She NEVER stayed to take care of her. Absolutely NOTHING can be accounted for as a gain she contributes to the family system.

My aunt's only daughter died early 2000s and this girl could have easily played that role.

Last time she visited I was told she was around I didn't bother to come out to see her cos I was just to displeased.

While we were away, robber buggled into my aunt's house. This girl came, she couldn't arrange her mother in law's clothes nor sweep the room she occupied when she delivered. The best she could do was brought out her iphone, one my cousin bought, and started taking pictures of the damages and calling my cousin on phone to even magnify and exaggerate what happened.

In that two months I have been the one who would lift my aunt, get her crunches, wash her clothes, follow her to the hospital etc.

Today my aunt finally returned to her home after doctor told her that she can start putting the leg on ground while she walks. She had to call her sister's daughter to come and cook for her. Though I had wanted to do the cooking.


While I was with her in her room. She told me that the daughter in law was feeling pompous. I said to her that I have noticed but wondered why she kept quiet all along. She said she was just taking her time. So I told her what I expected of her daughter in law to be and that this problem had better be nipped in the bud before it's too late. I asked her what if she was quite older than her current age such that she can't move around. We talked more at length and she told me her mind. She also told me that she called the girl and informed her that she has arrived home. The girl didn't even bother to ask about cooking or gave any hint if she would come.

The son is currently out of the country. He bought this girl a car, took her South Africa and Dubai on vacation.

My aunt told me that while I was away at one time, they were making plans for introduction. This girl, though not yet strong cos of child delivery, made a decision to start business. My aunt suggested that wait for you to heal and you know you had this child via CS. She flaired up and I learned earlier she said what right does my aunt have to dictate for her. There was a serious quarel between her and my cousin.

My aunt has resolved that once her son comes back, they will discuss and possibly put a stop to her madness.

I have seen this game played over and over again. A girl brings out her real colours after a child or after marriage. That's why I said to myself, a child isn't a guarantee that a woman will remain in my house but her manners.

This girl in question is completely nothing to write home about...

ismart:
nobody is hating on her unjustly. She brought it on herself.

In life certain things happen for a reason. If my aunt never went for surgery, she wouldn't have known this is her kind of person.

Everybody has taken note of her character.

My aunt didn't even know I had taken note likewise same for me as I didn't know she was taking. Meaning everybody were making observations until she spoke to me yesterday.

Would you want such a girl for your brother? What if this is your mother?

I will be travelling next week and wont be back for a long time. Who will be with my aunt? Who?

It's just terrible.

who will be with ur Aunty? Hian! What if her son doesn't have a fiancee? A gf? How will she live? Na wa oo. So the wife-to-be shouldn't have a life because of her MIL-to-be's health? If u love her so much, leave ur job and family (if any) then stay with her. That will be practical "love". I think u're expecting too much. It is good she does those things you mentioned and more, but if she doesn't then DO IT! She is ur aunt not hers! Arghhh!!

If this is all you can deduce /make outa this matter,then you must be a pretty shallow minded individual,can you do this to ur MIL?,can u permit ur SIL to Do d same to ur Momma??

Chillisauce:
Diary of an angry black man

The hustle is real. OP is probably a 45yr old man who is still eating from hand to mouth and is angry that the small girl is driving car even before marrying their money bank.

Girl had a surgery
MIL had a surgery

Girl still nursing a baby
MIL nursing no one but weak and old.

OP had no surgery
OP not nursing anyone .
OP is still young
OP couldn't arrange for a maid for his BLOOD relation who is sick

And he is here ranting like a $#/@ when he should be in the market cooking for his beloved aunty and helping their in law to be with her baby.

Wickedness in high places.

Nigerian men Change o.
Wickedness won't do you any good.

ismart:
may God bless you my brother. May your wife be a blessing your home. May you live to enjoy your children.

Isn't it sickening what all the women all here are talking? Giving flimsy excuses.

My grouse is that the girl in question didn't DO ANYTHING. this is mother in law that took care of her, bathed her etc.

But same girl have energy to drive car around abi?

What will take out of her do cooking or washing clothes... What?

I know some mother in law that make their daughter in law see hell. Here she is blessed with good one but totally messed it up.

You can't even count one benefit she adds to the family. One dey count pikin like say pikin na the only contribution a woman should add to a family.


Just look at the kind of women of this current generation.

No non of them can at least say ah this girl sef no try.

God forbid I meet any of this kind of women. A woman that has no value is not worth my time. I say it again! Hate it if you wish.

I don't blame the girl much. Na my cousin I blame.

WTF... I am pissed man!

Na yeye dey worry you. You serious dey argue with this generation females, most controlling and fierce than men are. They are told by feminists that they can do things however they want. If material gain dey, dem go shout "Equality" everywhere. If no material gain, dem go shout "Man up" and do the heavy lifting. So what do you expect, your cousin bought her a car, oversea trips from nigeria to jupita to south africa to dubai to estonia to every every.. Now you dey complain abi....if she's got those ill traits you claimed and your cousin is really feeling that vagina there's nothing anyone can tell him for now.... Only time will tell. Op...Mind your business..

See how so called women are supporting the lady, well I know for sure that 99 percent of them only have courage on a faceless forum. May God save men from such ladies, amen.

freecocoa:
Seriously though, I don't understand how excuses can be made for the young lady's behaviour, it can't be fair.

That is why i like you,always objective even when i don't agree with some of your ideologies(we know which) you always say it like it is.

If one knows what it takes to see your mother or even someone close to you mother's in a very deplorable condition and turn a blind eye......hmmmm.It is well.I presume she,the DIL eats everyday but will it be a problem to share that same food with the woman?

i wonda wat ya cousin is still waiting fr...d foolish gal isnt ready fr marriage yet..abeg pak ha load throway outside....fr d gals supporting ha i pray God gives u guyz wicked mothers in-laws dah will torture u

chamberlin1:
In this 21st century, some people are still poke nosing in other people's homes, OP go begin ur home first and see. Ur just a cousin and it's like this, what if he's ur brother. If ur family can't unite with this girl, leave her alone to enjoy her home or mess it up as she likes. Minding your business takes u ahead of people's shortcomings

Is that so? So until it leads to murder he should mind his business abi? Haven't you heard a stich in time saves nine? It is people like you that unfortunately go through hard times just because you refused to help a soul, blessed is the peace maker...
Never ever say it's not his business cause he is family. Just imagine is Jesus didn't help us because it is not his business? You have a lot to learn about life...

ismart:
not really to be sincere. A good woman is a good woman and a bad woman is a bad woman. It won't change!

You can't give what you don't have.

I am not plotting anything. It's the mother in law that will do what she ought to do as a mother-- protect her child.

If she changes, which I hope she does, all good.

That girl won't even cook for her husband from the look of things. It's very obvious.

When you tell girls to learn good manners, they prefer to use what they see on modern TV. They forget that this is Nigeria and tradition still stand!

geez! Bro you really a gentleman, replying this worthless females speaking from their ass, most of em are from broken homes with no ethics or morals, they ain't difficult to decipher cuz they give themselves away with their insolent words, quit replying em cuz their brains won't comprehend a thing you saying, the fault is solely your cousins, God!! How I hate men acting like sissies around ladies, he prolly failed to draw the lines betwixt his mum and his wife, perish the thought heavens forbid, the woman that will try half of this poo with MA mum will not spend the night under me roof, I wonder the kinda ladies Nigerian families keep churning into the society, irritating bloody creatures, and when you see but a few of them, with good attitudes, and good morals you ask yourself if she ain't a lady too.

edwife:


That is why i like you,always objective even when i don't agree with some of your ideologies(we know which) you always say it like it is.

If one knows what it takes to see your mother or even someone close to you mother's in a very deplorable condition and turn a blind eye......hmmmm.It is well.I presume she,the DIL eats everyday but will it be a problem to share that same food with the woman?

Thank you, this isn't about being a slave, how do we then show love? It's just showing each other a little kindness that will make the world a better place.

I was very shocked reading the post. What 1960ish thinking. The aunt likes to be nice right? nice to her son's girlfriend and baby mama. The girl has every right to decide not to get too close or interfere with the poster's family business. So robbers came abi? did she send the robbers? she is not even a relative yet. She simply gave birth out of wedlock. She is the "ale" and has given birth to an "omoale". the girl is minding her business my dear poster least she been seen as too forward. Poster, you and your aunt need to know their place. It is not your place to "re-train" the lady. It is not your place to judge her by your outdated custom and tradition. it is not your place to decide who loves who and for what respectable resaon. It is bad enough that that have a child outside wedlock. Don't compound it by looking for tactical endorsement. You want your cousin to marry an "ass licker"? or a hypocrite?

cococandy:
Meanwhile your cousin should get help for his mom instead of expecting a new mom to be available to wait on her hand and foot.
Like you said, she's not strong enough on account of the CS to start a business. How come she's strong enough to do other things?

This one una dey count wetin the man do for am. SMH. Such nosiness. Nawa.

Granted that she should show more compassion and concern but who your cousin chooses to marry is his business and you have no say trying to put asunder between them.
All in all, you sound very derogatory towards the lady.
Na your kind sabi meddle in people's affairs until things become too bad to salvage.
Shebi your next plan is to convince your cousin to break up with her so that that kid becomes fatherless or motherless depending on gets the kid. Will you be the father or the mother when they part ways because of you?

Una mind una business o. Nosy marriage spoiling relatives.

I wish your aunt quick recovery.

Bros op,you trying to get into open confrontation with women??,hahah,you cant win this war o, it is their world bro, loive wit it. So so ,many angry women out here, they just blinded to the reality on ground and attacking th op.none have(save my only sis cocoa candy)have tried condeming the SILs atitude,haba na wetin na?una children and even brodas will get married some day o, will ya all react this same way too??.pls op keep helping your mother,she is your mum.ignore the small girl, she obviously lack caing attitudes and might not want to be corrected for now, leave dat to her hussy. We gat lots of womn on this forum who aint good for wifey materials o,pls run away for ur life,most of our ladies of today are not well brought up and it shows in the way they see things, too bad, education(Half EDucation)aint helping the situation now.If you pray to have this kind of SIL pls 'LIKE' MY COMMENT,and if you do NOT wish for her type,pls 'SHARE'

Lol this one you're quoting me.
Are you agreeing or disagreeing with me?

wandyvirus:
I was very shocked reading the post. What 1960ish thinking. The aunt likes to be nice right? nice to her son's girlfriend and baby mama. The girl has every right to decide not to get too close or interfere with the poster's family business. So robbers came abi? did she send the robbers? she is not even a relative yet. She simply gave birth out of wedlock. She is the "ale" and has given birth to an "omoale". the girl is minding her business my dear poster least she been seen as too forward. Poster, you and your aunt need to know their place. It is not your place to "re-train" the lady. It is not your place to judge her by your outdated custom and tradition. it is not your place to decide who loves who and for what respectable resaon. It is bad enough that that have a child outside wedlock. Don't compound it by looking for tactical endorsement. You want your cousin to marry an "ass licker"? or a hypocrite?

MsGlobalwonder:
who will be with ur Aunty? Hian! What if her son doesn't have a fiancee? A gf? How will she live? Na wa oo. So the wife-to-be shouldn't have a life because of her MIL-to-be's health? If u love her so much, leave ur job and family (if any) then stay with her. That will be practical "love". I think u're expecting too much. It is good she does those things you mentioned and more, but if she doesn't then DO IT! She is ur aunt not hers! Arghhh!!

I don't mean to sound judgemental but I seriously find it hard to understand how people are okay with such behaviour from the girl, I know it's not by force to be nice but atleast, this woman was kind to her, doesn't that count for something even if you say that, we aren't ordinarily supposed to be kind to humans? Plus the MIL is elderly.

freecocoa:
Kimoni, do you really mean this?

Why do you think otherwise?

Agreeing with you. Read my response.

cococandy:
Lol this one you're quoting me.
Are you agreeing or disagreeing with me?

Kimoni:


Why do you think otherwise?

I don't think it's fair of the lady to treat her MIL like that, she ought to show a little kindness, I believe as an adult, somethings come to you naturally, you can't teach a grown woman kindness, she knows what it is and refusing to show it to someone, who was kind to her, elderly and also her MIL, is not something to be made excuses for, it should be frowned upon.

I get that the OP is meddlesome and feeling like they have an edge over the lady(I blame culture), still, his concerns can be understood.

wandyvirus:
Agreeing with you. Read my response.

Okay.

It was kinda unclear because I mentioned at some point that the girl should be more compassionate and that's kind of opposite of what you said.
So I didn't know if you were disagreeing with that or agreeing with the rest of my post that their condensing attitude towards her is not nice.

But I get it now.

I don't think any right thinking person will say the girl should never be kind or help her MIL.

It's just that his condescending attitude towards her makes it hard to sympathize with him.
Nothing in his post shows he even regards the girl as family.

freecocoa:
I don't think it's fair of the lady to treat her MIL like that, she ought to show a little kindness, I believe as an adult, somethings come to you naturally, you can't teach a grown woman kindness, she knows what it is and refusing to show it to someone, who showed was kind to her, elderly and also her MIL, is not a something to be made excuses for, it should be frowned upon.

I get that the OP is meddlesome and feeling like they have an edge over the lady(I blame culture), still, his concerns can be understood.

cococandy:
I don't think any right thinking person will say the girl should never be kind or help her MIL.

It's just that his condescending attitude towards her makes it hard to sympathize with him.
Nothing in his post shows he even regards the girl as family.

That issue should be separated from the girl's attitude, I understand the OP's point of view because believe me in all honesty, we have a DIL like that in my family, we don't go about it like the OP everyone just gives her, her space after series of talks with no change, we keep playing our part(within reason) because of our relative involved, some people are a close knit family and can find something like this really strange, not everyone is exposed you know and may not know how to go about it.

Not condemning the girl's attitude makes it look like there's no shame in her character.

well, I don't support these at all.Owing to the fact that her husband to be is abroad, she should do her best for her mother in law.The question I want to ask here is this, What if it is her own mother? What's there to cook once in a while? Or buy a washing machine? or at best employ a village maid that can help for some time?


Abeg the lady na lazy woman jare! Mtchewwww!

edwife:


That is why i like you,always objective even when i don't agree with some of your ideologies(we know which) you always say it like it is.

If one knows what it takes to see your mother or even someone close to you mother's in a very deplorable condition and turn a blind eye......hmmmm.It is well.I presume she,the DIL eats everyday but will it be a problem to share that same food with the woman?

GB you and frecocoa for saying the truth!
I read the other responses and was beginning to think WRONG is now the new RIGHT!
What the DIL Did/is doing is all shades of wrong and there are no 2ways about it.

EggovinMma:
well, I don't support these at all.Owing to the fact that her husband to be is abroad, she should do her best for her mother in law.The question I want to ask here is this, What if it is her own mother? What's there to cook once in a while? Or buy a washing machine? or at best employ a village maid that can help for some time?


Abeg the lady na lazy woman jare! Mtchewwww!

My sister I owe you one bottle.
The lady no try,what's there in checking up on her Mil and doing little things for her. even if she's working? if we see truth make we talk. forget say na online everybody dey form one thing or another.

I dnt understnd ds story @ll

ismart:
So many women would cross ther legs and have their mother serve them food, finish eating and give the mother in law the plate to wash.

These same sets will scream to high heavens if their daughter in law do same to them.

I wish una husband well o.
Kai!

I will advice that your aunt calls her to attention, to advice her as a daughter. No body big pass to talk to, because what goes around comes around. I don't even think it's fair that after omugwo she can't give her mother in law anything! !!Which kind person be that lady sef? It's not fair na.But then do not be quick to judge, especially when there's still room for repentance. I wont be happy if my mother is treated this way by someone I love and trust. Ask your aunt to talk to her and advice her.Theres no need to chase her out out of the house, remember it's not also easy for nursing mothers.

ismart:
I just had to comment because I realised that there are so few "wife" around here and it's just complete waste engaging folks.

There seem to be a misconception in my writeup.

I didn't imply that she should become house help automatically. What mean is that she seem to lack complete home maintenance... The like that won't even collect a broom from her MIL if she saw her sweeping.

Come on people, is this how you guys treat your MIL or would like to be treated by your DIL?

There is what is expected of a wife to show she has proper home training. This girl is lacking in that department completely.

But since people here don't see anything wrong with such attitude, I do hope their future DIL treat them in same manner and even give them plates to wash or clothes to wash and fall back on bed watching movie. By then they will understand better.

To those who have been defending her act, do you go to your MIL's house, wake up in the morning and do absolutely nothing? You people should know that someone is reading what is posted and you might passing wrong message.

Can you swear that you have NEVER done anything in anyway to show your mother in law that you are well brought up or where you came from they don't have elders there?

Jehovah!

I rest my case.

OP, I you 're so interested in you Aunts Welfare,then go get her a Maid. As for you go get a paid Job/enter street and Hustle, so you can get yourself a CAR and travel to DUBAI and SOUTH AFRICA too.

freecocoa:
I don't think it's fair of the lady to treat her MIL like that, she ought to show a little kindness, I believe as an adult, somethings come to you naturally, you can't teach a grown woman kindness, she knows what it is and refusing to show it to someone, who showed was kind to her, elderly and also her MIL, is not a something to be made excuses for, it should be frowned upon.

I get that the OP is meddlesome and feeling like they have an edge over the lady(I blame culture), still, his concerns can be understood.

Freecocoa, in-law relationships are not your everyday type of relationships. They can be quite complicated especially for a new wife. It is even made worse when the husband is not around to guide her. Until she gets used to the family, she needs a lot of insider information on how things are done in her new family. They cannot be hating on her over things they assume she should know when she has not been told, it would only generate strife between both sides.

Putting myself in the position of the wife. It's difficult to know the extent one should go sometimes. Example - the lady visited the MIL, she spent 1hr and left not knowing the MIL was angry she was spending just 1hr. How on earth was she supposed to know they would take offense with that? She might even have spent 24 hrs and they would still pick offense expecting her to spend one week Its a lose-lose situation for both parties until they communicate expectations.

As per food and house chores; if I were a nursing mother, it would never cross my mind that my MIL would expect me to come cook or wash her clothes when I am also burdened and in need of help myself. Why should I take all the blame if she is complaining of neglect? She no get other family ni?

We also don't know what the wife herself is going through. Is she finding it hard to survive herself? Is she also struggling to cope with her own house chores, remembering that she is a single mother taking care of her child alone?

In all honesty, I find it difficult to blame the wife from all what the OP has said.

So far from his posts, the girl's crime is not coming to cook and clean for the invalid aunt. And not visiting long enough. Because people aren't typing "tufia evil girl. Send her away with the baby" doesn't mean they don't know it would be nice if she showed more compassion. I can tell you what the OP wants is more people to tow that line of thought so that his resolve to poison his cousin's mind will be stronger.

from where I stand, most of the problem lies with the dude.
For all the girl knows, they are all in good terms. Not knowing they've already plotted the downfall of the union before it even starts.
When you expect some thing from someone, you tell them. Let them refuse first then you can blame them all you want.

If the girl were here, most people would encourage her to be more caring to the MiL to be. But she's not here and lambasting her to satisfy the OP will only intensify their already hatched plan. To what end?

we know he's not happy about what his cousin does for the girl, he needs to take correction too. At least he's here to read his own faults and take correction.

freecocoa:
That issue should be separated from the girl's attitude, I understand the OP's point of view because believe me in all honesty, we have a DIL like that in my family, we don't go about it like the OP everyone just gives her, her space after series of talks with no change, we keep playing our part(within reason) because of our relative involved, some people are a close knit family and can find something like this really strange, not everyone is exposed you know and may not know how to go about it.

Not condemning the girl's attitude makes it like there's no shame in her character.