Kimoni:


Freecocoa, in-law relationships are not your everyday type of relationships. They can be quite complicated especially for a new wife. It is even made worse when the husband is not around to guide her. Until she gets used to the family, she needs a lot of insider information on how things are done in her new family. They cannot be hating on her over things they assume she should know when she has not been told, it would only generate strife between both sides.

Putting myself in the position of the wife. It's difficult to know the extent one should go sometimes. Example - the lady visited the MIL, she spent 1hr and left not knowing the MIL was angry she was spending just 1hr. How on earth was she supposed to know they would take offense with that? She might even have spent 24 hrs and they would still pick offense expecting her to spend one week Its a lose-lose situation for both parties until they communicate expectations.

As per food and house chores; if I were a nursing mother, it would never cross my mind that my MIL would expect me to come cook or wash her clothes when I am also burdened and in need of help myself. Why should I take all the blame if she is complaining of neglect? She no get other family ni?

We also don't know what the wife herself is going through. Is she finding it hard to survive herself? Is she also struggling to cope with her own house chores, remembering that she is a single mother taking care of her child alone?

In all honesty, I find it difficult to blame the wife from all what the OP has said.

You did read that the DIL didn't even as little as call? I'm not asking her to go do chores but c'mon, there are somethings that just come to you natural if you are humane.

corisande:


My sister I owe you one bottle.
The lady no try,what's there in checking up on her Mil and doing little things for her. even if she's working? if we see truth make we talk. forget say na online everybody dey form one thing or another.

haha!
What's that? ! Na fashion? ?
All these things are for the main time na, it won't last.And to think the poor woman is on clutches, abeg ne sef dey vex.Thats wicked! If she is ready to get belle and marry the guy, she should marry his family as well.I know it's not easy to take care of old women, but truth is, you can still carry them along.If it's too much to handle, she should get a maid for her.Must the guy come home fro abroad to do that She should start making decisions as a wife to be and not a fuccking baby mama, except that's how she sees herself.

KanwuliaJara:


Meaning what?
To take care of young woman and to take care of A GRUMPY, OOOOOLD WOMAN na de same?

If you dey find "slave" to buy, una nor sabi wia "baby farm" dey?

The girl is smart o!
Never start what you can't finish!

u are a foool; sorry that's not an insult; no offense @ all... I only called u what u are

Nigerian society expects too much 4rm married women.il prefer 2 hear d lady in question's side of d story 1st b4 judging.who says a woman has 2 b her MIL's maid/act d role? I bliv it is not enof reason 4 her 2 b "kicked out",do u knw if she has issues(mayb psychological),different conditions arise 4rm childbirth(i know dis as a med student)?I am amazed wen most men say dey cant marry women dat can't cook,is dat all der is 2 a lifetime marraige?? I know a guy whose wife cant cook anything well,e married her lyk dat&2dy she is a pro in cooking after marrying him.dats y il always live wit my hubby,we'l stick 2geda no mata wat no stayin overseas while i stay@home.women shld equip demselves well while dey can,men dnt want wives who depend on dem totally dis days.by d way,d society dictates roles 2 a gender,y shld it b women who do most of d chores alone?dis comment is not about dis thread alone,its also due 2 my general observations on NL&in our society.
N/B:b4 u start judging me,note dat am not in support of d lady if she's indeed guilty neither am i in support of dem "kicking her out".also note dat I am not a "FEMINIST",i do my house chores&cook well& finaly som family members shld learn 2 mind deir buisness until its needed "indeed".ladies pls b nice 2 ur MIL's oooo,if u dnt want 2 b "kicked out"my boos mum is 2 busy 2 even aff my tym sef.but ladies shld learn 2 b gud homemakers& b nice 2 evri1,it pays u 2 b kind 2 ur MIL,i can't& wil not do dat 2 my MIL(future)

My guy When a gal is ur friend, as in a hello hi friend there is a character she exhibits, we she is ur platonic friend there is another character fr that, wen u start dating her there is a fresh character too,wen u propose to her as in fiancée and finacee level there is another character mostly her best, wen u finally marries her there is another character too and wen she gives birth there is another attitude and character which of cos is her real character! #vegatalks

How old is the girl we're talking about? Where was she born and brought up?

goodgate:
OP, I you 're so interested in you Aunts Welfare,then go get her a Maid. As for you go get a paid Job/enter street and Hustle, so you can get yourself a CAR and travel to DUBAI and SOUTH AFRICA too.

go and die abeg. I have nothing to say to you. People have seen the kind of heart you women are made of.

See as Una dey show Una color...real colour. So many threads are created out of fun...

Op don buy trouble.i jst dey lmbo frm 1st page make i go bak to continue reading.E be like na kanwuliaJara be the bae in question gurls are not smiling

Henricarter:
I dnt understnd ds story @ll

The OP is so angry that the Babe went to Dubai.

freecocoa:
You did read that the DIL didn't even as little as call? I'm not asking her to go do chores but c'mon, there are somethings that just come to you natural if you are humane.

Com'on, don't you know exaggeration when you see one? How was he to know the girl was not calling? Can she do anything right with the OP? Def Not.

It's a case of calling a dog a bad name just to hang it.

She doesn't cook
She doesn't care to wash
She doesn't buy even gworo for the mil
And I'm sure she doesn't care about her health.
She hardly calls her Mil


All in all, she does absolutely nothing for this woman, but these same woman took it upon herself to do omugwo for her abi? WHERE IS HER OWN MOTHER? Why her mama no do omugwo? ?

The young shall grow and the young shall old, Old age go reach everybody, then we go understand how e be.
Nonsense! !

wandyvirus:
I was very shocked reading the post. What 1960ish thinking. The aunt likes to be nice right? nice to her son's girlfriend and baby mama. The girl has every right to decide not to get too close or interfere with the poster's family business. So robbers came abi? did she send the robbers? she is not even a relative yet. She simply gave birth out of wedlock. She is the "ale" and has given birth to an "omoale". the girl is minding her business my dear poster least she been seen as too forward. Poster, you and your aunt need to know their place. It is not your place to "re-train" the lady. It is not your place to judge her by your outdated custom and tradition. it is not your place to decide who loves who and for what respectable resaon. It is bad enough that that have a child outside wedlock. Don't compound it by looking for tactical endorsement. You want your cousin to marry an "ass licker"? or a hypocrite?

bros...You are blessed with extraordinary wisdom..Nigerians love eye service.We love it when people please us to the point of death.Life has taught me recently never to expect much from anyone.They just want her to be a hypocrite.The cousin loves her..The op should let her be.I am tired of family members wrecking people's home.I have a friend who works with a rig in ph.He gives his wife everything.I was shocked when he opened up to me that when he gets home from work,his wife would be in the room watching tv.Its not like she doea anything all day.She just barks orders at their maid.Nothing like serving him food o.Rather she directs him to the freezer to microwave food for himself after the heavy work at the rig.When he complained,I was so close to asking 'why are u still married to her?'Thank God I didn't o,my big mouth would have killed me there.The man said she's not a wife in every sense of the word,but he loves her to death..He even got her a range rover last year as a birthday gift.So nairalanders,op..leave the lazy and evil DIL like that.We should learn to respect people's choice of a partner.Shikena.I blame the african society.That's y I have vowed to give my husband's family space.I blame people who try to cuddle up to their inlaws.No matter how nice they are,a little space is necessary to avoid "see finish" which is happening here.

ismart:
go and die abeg. I have nothing to say to you. People have seen the kind of heart you women are made of.

See as Una dey show Una color...real colour. So many threads are created out of fun...

You LAZY SADIST! Go and work, amebo no be work, i am a Man like FOOOL, I know the Truth Hurts.

Thank you my people, for the "support agreement"!
No mein this yeye OP and im busybody auntie!

Kimoni:


Com'on, don't you know exaggeration when you see one? How was he to know the girl was not calling? Can she do anything right with the OP? Def Not.

It's a case of calling a dog a bad name just to hang it.

Believe me, the OP may have exaggerated but the message was very clear, I have seen this scenario play out in my family and trust me, maids were involved so my aunt wasn't expecting too much, just your everyday interaction,doing things you'll do for/when you are with a loved one, I just fault the OP for seeing it as something the girl must do, it's not a must but it's something everyone should have.

This thread is hilarious
Battle of the sexes in full swing.
EggovinMma...I see ya

ismart:
go and die abeg. I have nothing to say to you. People have seen the kind of heart you women are made of.

See as Una dey show Una color...real colour. So many threads are created out of fun...

Don't reply these stupiddd quotes again,the lady that first spew trash@the first page is an old hag who rely on state benefits she is frustrated...and her other friends are also in her circles too....looking for more women to join their club.....just continue to help the old woman and the lady husband would be an £diot to overlook his so called wife behaviour...

KanwuliaJara:
Thank you my people, for the "support agreement"!
No mein this yeye OP and im busybody auntie!

You old hagg,nor go sleep you hear

freecocoa:
Believe me, the OP may have exaggerated but the message was very clear, I have seen this scenario play out in my family and trust me, maids were involved so my aunt wasn't expecting too much, just your everyday interaction,doing things you'll do for/when you are with a loved one, I just fault the OP for seeing it as something the girl must do, it's not a must but it's something everyone should have.

Lol...different people, different experiences

goodgate:
You LAZY SADIST! Go and work, amebo no be work, i am a Man like FOOOL, I know the Truth Hurts.

From there write up we shall know them

I guess u are "#Teamajebutter#"

KanwuliaJara:


Meaning what?
To take care of young woman and to take care of A GRUMPY, OOOOOLD WOMAN na de same?

If you dey find "slave" to buy, una nor sabi wia "baby farm" dey?

The girl is smart o!
Never start what you can't finish!

Kimoni:


Lol...different people, different experiences

I guess, we'll leave it at that. In the end, she has her life to live, but then, if MIL decides to treat her in that same manner, believe me the result won't be nice as this lady may turn around to claim she's being maltreated, if we can't make an effort to love our partner's family, I wonder what kind of families we'll all have.

Op may God give you the strength to answer all this women here on Nairaland.

Just mumbling that prayer for you because when ladies voluntarily unleash themselves to reply a post most of them are guilty of, you needed all the strength you can get.

Just get someone or hire someone to help you Aunt please. We got present and future digital mums this days.


What you wanted your cousin 's girl friend to do stopped since 1999. That character you wanted her to exhibit has been discontinued. To see a product like that, it takes Jesus. ....

KanwuliaJara:


Meaning what?
To take care of young woman and to take care of A GRUMPY, OOOOOLD WOMAN na de same?

If you dey find "slave" to buy, una nor sabi wia "baby farm" dey?

The girl is smart o!
Never start what you can't finish!

if you think this is smartness, mark my words, your children will never respect u in the nearest future..
its not a curse, but they will see the stupid/dull woman in u and will be delighted to reciprocate.

ladies like you end up with tough guys who will batter ur face wit slap and punch, cos u think everything is been smart.

freecocoa:
I guess, we'll leave it at that. In the end, she has her life to live, but then, if MIL decides to treat her in that same manner, believe me the result won't be nice as this lady may will turn around to claim she's being maltreated, if we can't make an effort to love our partner's family, I wonder what kind of families we'll all have.

I wish it were as easy as you are making it but it's not.

Richy4:
Op may God give you the strength to answer all this women here on Nairaland.

Just mumbling that prayer for you because when ladies voluntarily unleash themselves to reply a post most of them are guilty of, you needed all the strength you can get.

Just get someone or hire someone to help you Aunt please. We got present and future digital mums this days.


What you wanted your cousin 's girl friend to do stopped since 1999. That character you wanted her to exhibit has been discontinued. To see a product like that, it takes Jesus. ....

why 1999?

ismart:
you are just saying all this cos you are a woman as well. I know it's not easy cos to give birth.

The things is this girl doesn't show any sign that she cares at all. She lacks completely home maintenance.

Pls don't judge all women with the responses you are getting here. I'm disappointed myself. No to shine eye and tie wrapper for any lazy gold digger that tries to claw her way in to my only brother.

Abeg, how many months will she nurse the child? So person that's nursing a child won't eat? Won't clean the house where her new born child is living? Won't wash clothes?

She's weak but she's planning to open a biz? But can't take care of the woman that slaved for her?

Those calling bad good, one day it will be your turn o!

Wetin she born wey others never born? Or is she waiting for wine and worship before she steps up to her responsibility?
Well it boils down to home training, even as a guest, one must contribute to the upkeep of the home talk less of a would be daughter inlaw.

Better do a paternity test to confirm it's not a bastard you all are slaving for.

Try to talk sense to your cousin not by commanding or threatening him. Add prayer o! Any juju involved must be scattered.

All the best.

Kimoni:


I wish it were as easy as you are making it but it's not.

It is, but it's okay to disagree.

I pity doze supporting d gal actions just pray some1 doesnt treat u like shit

Kimoni:


why 1999?

Hahaha because they are now Y2K compliant.

feyilag:
Nigerian society expects too much 4rm married women.il prefer 2 hear d lady in question's side of d story 1st b4 judging.who says a woman has 2 b her MIL's maid/act d role? I bliv it is not enof reason 4 her 2 b "kicked out",do u knw if she has issues(mayb psychological),different conditions arise 4rm childbirth(i know dis as a med student)?I am amazed wen most men say dey cant marry women dat can't cook,is dat all der is 2 a lifetime marraige?? I know a guy whose wife cant cook anything well,e married her lyk dat&2dy she is a pro in cooking after marrying him.dats y il always live wit my hubby,we'l stick 2geda no mata wat no stayin overseas while i stay@home.women shld equip demselves well while dey can,men dnt want wives who depend on dem totally dis days.by d way,d society dictates roles 2 a gender,y shld it b women who do most of d chores alone?dis comment is not about dis thread alone,its also due 2 my general observations on NL&in our society.
N/B:b4 u start judging me,note dat am not in support of d lady if she's indeed guilty neither am i in support of dem "kicking her out".also note dat I am not a "FEMINIST",i do my house chores&cook well& finaly som family members shld learn 2 mind deir buisness until its needed "indeed".ladies pls b nice 2 ur MIL's oooo,if u dnt want 2 b "kicked out"my boos mum is 2 busy 2 even aff my tym sef.but ladies shld learn 2 b gud homemakers& b nice 2 evri1,it pays u 2 b kind 2 ur MIL,i can't& wil not do dat 2 my MIL(future)

You started with a paragraph that sounds "FEMINIST" but after the "N/B" I just dey .....Thank you for not leading others not yet married astray....