₦airaland Forum

Ode you will wait taya,you expecct a woman that just had a baby to do errands,why cat you buy washing machine,hoover if auntys house is dirty,noxypacker of a man.spits

ismart:
I dey shake for body ooo, e b like say make I cry. Na men put this kind women for house o. OMG!

See the kind of response from supposed women that will become MIL.

This is why I am very picky when it comes to women. Your body language and the kind of words that comes out of your mouth are my lab test.

You and freecocoa no dey ever disappoint! May God bless your home and your mothers.

Oh God! Our society is finished oooooooo

All Aunty did is bath baby and nothing more,so what is your own,a woman who did CSneeds not stress at all even after months,noxy parker,union spoiler.

ismart:
before I go give any girl belle, she has to worth it... My sperm no dey enter any yeye girl ovaries.

Ever since this issue started cropping up, I have never failed to aportion enough blame to my cousin. In fact, I often said I don't blame the girl but my cousin.

Honestly i can't believe we still have evil cousins like ismat,if na me be the girl,i will ignore him and if he tries any stupidity the way i will handle him ehn in his life he won't meddle in my affairs agaain.imagine him complaining of fone the guy bought for the lady nawa o.

MarvellousGod:
Op, ismart, get your aunt a maid, that's what she needs!

A woman is nursing a baby and you still expect her to be all up and doing. .. To take care of all chores including washing her own clothes, baby's clothes and aunt's clothes. .cooking for her baby and herself. .then go over to your aunts and cook for her... then all other chores too.... even without a baby, it's too much for a person talk more of someone nursing a child....


Stop all the talk and get your aunt a maid!

u will leave a breastfeeding baby with your mum to care for an adult?,are u real?

delishpot:
Truth is I do not kniw what the girls life is like. Does she have family? As in a mom? At least she could spare 1day of the week to leave baby with her mom and go take care of her future MIL who is sick for some hours na. Lets be real here biko. Even if mama had a maid, that girl should try and be a bit more involved in her welfare.

you too should wash and cook,shes your aunty,amebo oniranu.

ismart:
may God bless you my brother. May your wife be a blessing your home. May you live to enjoy your children.

Isn't it sickening what all the women all here are talking? Giving flimsy excuses.

My grouse is that the girl in question didn't DO ANYTHING. this is mother in law that took care of her, bathed her etc.

But same girl have energy to drive car around abi?

What will take out of her do cooking or washing clothes... What?

I know some mother in law that make their daughter in law see hell. Here she is blessed with good one but totally messed it up.

You can't even count one benefit she adds to the family. One dey count pikin like say pikin na the only contribution a woman should add to a family.


Just look at the kind of women of this current generation.

No non of them can at least say ah this girl sef no try.

God forbid I meet any of this kind of women. A woman that has no value is not worth my time. I say it again! Hate it if you wish.

I don't blame the girl much. Na my cousin I blame.

WTF... I am pissed man!

Hmmm. Reading through most comments on this thread,explains to me why most guys and ladies are single.

Abegi shutup,if she come clean just 2days,people like you go still complain why she no do it everytime,wicked man,spits,i repeat if na me,i go dey organise areaboys to beat you anytime i notice your evil,amebo oshi.

ismart:
I just had to comment because I realised that there are so few "wife" around here and it's just complete waste engaging folks.

There seem to be a misconception in my writeup.

I didn't imply that she should become house help automatically. What mean is that she seem to lack complete home maintenance... The like that won't even collect a broom from her MIL if she saw her sweeping.

Come on people, is this how you guys treat your MIL or would like to be treated by your DIL?

There is what is expected of a wife to show she has proper home training. This girl is lacking in that department completely.

But since people here don't see anything wrong with such attitude, I do hope their future DIL treat them in same manner and even give them plates to wash or clothes to wash and fall back on bed watching movie. By then they will understand better.

To those who have been defending her act, do you go to your MIL's house, wake up in the morning and do absolutely nothing? You people should know that someone is reading what is posted and you might passing wrong message.

Can you swear that you have NEVER done anything in anyway to show your mother in law that you are well brought up or where you came from they don't have elders there?

Jehovah!

I rest my case.

Imagine the OP saying ehn his cousin took him to southafrica abd dubai for the first time in her life,these people can count good deeds?how an a man be this bitter to act this way,it really beats me,very weird.

rolled:
Poor idle family
The cousin is the only one with a decent job
Eye dey pepper ismart
them buy car,prolly tokunbo sef
iphone na how much.Chei the trip to SA dey pepper you because you never even go ghana
Kpele may the Good Lord visit you soon,just as he visited your cousin

Thanks alot,you said well.

Kimoni:
Freecocoa, in-law relationships are not your everyday type of relationships. They can be quite complicated especially for a new wife. It is even made worse when the husband is not around to guide her. Until she gets used to the family, she needs a lot of insider information on how things are done in her new family. They cannot be hating on her over things they assume she should know when she has not been told, it would only generate strife between both sides.

Putting myself in the position of the wife. It's difficult to know the extent one should go sometimes. Example - the lady visited the MIL, she spent 1hr and left not knowing the MIL was angry she was spending just 1hr. How on earth was she supposed to know they would take offense with that? She might even have spent 24 hrs and they would still pick offense expecting her to spend one week Its a lose-lose situation for both parties until they communicate expectations.

As per food and house chores; if I were a nursing mother, it would never cross my mind that my MIL would expect me to come cook or wash her clothes when I am also burdened and in need of help myself. Why should I take all the blame if she is complaining of neglect? She no get other family ni?

We also don't know what the wife herself is going through. Is she finding it hard to survive herself? Is she also struggling to cope with her own house chores, remembering that she is a single mother taking care of her child alone?

In all honesty, I find it difficult to blame the wife from all what the OP has said.

The girl is fresh from c section( could take anywhere from four months to 1 year to heal)

She could be going through post partum depression( childbirth is no childsgame)

She is still nursing a new baby with a husband abroad.

How do you expect this poor girl to drop her life and run meet your aunts needs.

Poster hire a maid for your aunt, help watch her, leave your cousins house alone.

Okay this pissed me off to no end. I had to register to respond to this stupidity.

Silly relatives who imagine they have a stake in a couples relationship because they want eye service. It is absolutely annoying. If I hadn't had a similar experience recently I would have joined those castigating the lady. Here is my own experience.

I had a baby recently and my mother in law came, spent some time and left, when she was leaving we gave her gifts and money as always my husband and I would talk and decide what to give and he would let me give the gifts and money. Granted this time it was less than we usually give her because we just had to baby, had expenses to handle and we were a little more cautious.
After she left his cousin showed up claiming he had an interview , okay ohhhhhhh. I noticed the guy was a little condescending but I didn't let myself worry about that because I had my baby to worry about.

I have a none live in maid who comes and goes in the evening.
Anyway his cousin was nice and " respectful " when hubby was around, as soon as hubby left for work he ate breakfast and called me from my room to come and pack the plates, thank God I never knew how to do eye service I ignored him and went back to the room, even in my condition then 3rd week after delivery I never did that to my maid, I would still eat and take my plates to the kitchen myself.

Meanwhile I cook only lunch because I had to sleep when baby was sleeping as baby would keep me up all night, I had soups and stews and would ask the maid to make rice or swallow to go with the soups for him. Hubby hardly ate dinner as he took food to work ate a late lunch and would take fruits in the night or fix himself a sandwich.

This cousin would stay in the sitting room lying down on the sofa changing channels rudely when I had guests. Anyway after that plate stunt I sent my husband a message and was very upset he apologised,called his cousin and when he came back the cousin said he was leaving the next day, even though he claimed he came for an interview he didn't attend any.

After he left, they reported to an elderly family member who called hubby and I these were the allegations :

1. I am lazy, I don't cook amd clean even though I am a house wife

2. I don't work yet I "control" the finances I must have jazzed my husband

3. I was rude to my mother in law

4. I am was not accommodating enough to my in laws

5. He bought me a car

6. I was controlling

7. I am wasting money employing a non live in maid doing big woman just wasting money for nothing.

Meanwhile here is the real situation :

1. Lazy housewife lol; I never pretended to love housework. However hubby felt we were spending too much time apart doing housework instead of enjoying time together hence the decision to hire a house keeper.

2. When I met hubby he was a lucky go fella spent money as he made it, I was the opposite helped him start saving, I was working too and taught him then how to change naira to dollars and save in a domiciliary account, then naira was 152 within a year he had saved over $20,000 just by blocking loopholes and being more careful with finances. We had opened a wedding joint account and maintained it after the wedding as a family expense account. I had to stop work but I had savings to carry my weight during my period of unemployment. Hubby trusted me with tracking financial expenditure hence he would let me handle that.

We contribute 60-40 to expenditure even though I am a " housewife"


3. I was rude to mother in law: when I would need to sleep she would want something and would open my door shout until baby and I woke up, I would end up with a migraine and baby would be crying and edgy, so I started locking my door to nap. When i mean she wants something, I mean she can't find the TV remote or has problem changing channels or light goes off in the afternoon and she wants gen on. Meanwhile she hardly helped with baby.

4. I would definitely not do eye service to please anybody, I do things at my own convenience end off

5.The car was because he didn't want me stressing with the old car while pregnant and with the new baby.

6.I was controlling lol, I dont even know how to respond so if a husband and wife mutually agree on financial decisions it means control Lmao no wonder some men die and their wives don't even know their bank accounts such ignorance

7. The house keeper comes in the morning and leaves in thw evening then a few hours weekend. We are fair people, we rejected the " bring a girl from the village and train " issh we didn't want to abuse anybodys child. My mother in law was very angry anytime the lady was closing from work or when she does a new hair do, how dare I allow my maid to have so much freedom, well she is an employee not a slave.


Anyway the elder was so upset when hubby told him what happened he called a meeting and warned mother in law and the silly cousin who apparently heard her complains and came to " fight " for her he told them not to get involved in our marriage and stay in their boundaries. He kuku banned cousin from visiting us since he chose to be so crude

Miami11:
The girl is fresh from c section( could take anywhere from four months to 1 year to heal)

She could be going through post partum depression( childbirth is no childsgame)

She is still nursing a new baby with a husband abroad.

How do you expect this poor girl to drop her life and run meet your aunts needs.

Poster hire a maid for your aunt, help watch her, leave your cousins house alone.

I don't think this issue is about a maid, it insensitivity by the lady which proves the lady is the Kim kadarsian types we see now a days. A woman that took care of you when u gave birth despite her own condition and you can't provide any assistance for her, it is not a good at all. I know most ladies that are commenting on this thread are teenagers because I don't think any mature minded human being will support this heartless girl the op is talking about, but I still blame the husband to be because he looks like the kind of guy who married only for beauty and superficial thing and I bet you, the mil will suffer more of this in future.

I just pray I don't end up with ladies like this, it is really a disaster to do so.

uplawal:
u will leave a breastfeeding baby with your mum to care for an adult?,are u real?

Making it sound like I said she should go live with the woman till she gets better.
There are situations that happen where we are pushed to our limits and we must do our best to balance things out. If she couldnt do much she could call. She did not even know when mama left the hospital. Tell me the truth, if she cared wouldnt she know those details? Even strangers who hear that someone went for surgery and all was done sucessfuly will ask when will mama be discharged now? Talkless of future MIL.
If it was her mom that was sick wouldnt she have looked for a way to help her out even with that baby? You people should stop acting like anyone was asking the girl to go carry rocks. Dont breastfeeding women go out? Ok, even if she has to sit at hone 24hrs 7days a week and never step a toe outside, Dont breastfeeding women make calls? dont breastfeeding women show concern and care?

Flye:
I don't think this issue is about a maid, it insensitivity by the lady which proves the lady is the Kim kadarsian types we see now a days. A woman that took care of you when u gave birth despite her own condition and you can't provide any assistance for her, it is not a good at all. I know most ladies that are commenting on this thread are teenagers because I don't think any mature minded human being will support this heartless girl the op is talking about, but I still blame the husband to be because he looks like the kind of guy who married only for beauty and superficial thing and I bet you, the mil will suffer more of this in future.

I just pray I don't end up with ladies like this, it is really a disaster to do so.

But the lady has just given birth, it's not like she is strolling the streets doing nothing, am assuming you are a man, you have never had your abdomen torn in layers to pull out a baby, then go home with an abdominal wound to heal, while taking care of a baby 24 hours. Besides the lady is alone with hubby abroad, how much do you think this poor first time mother can handle? Why are Human beings this insensitive.

Okay this pissed me off to no end. I had to register to respond to this stupidity.

Silly relatives who imagine they have a stake in a couples relationship because they want eye service. It is absolutely annoying. If I hadn't had a similar experience recently I would have joined those castigating the lady. Here is my own experience.

I had a baby recently and my mother in law came, spent some time and left, when she was leaving we gave her gifts and money as always my husband and I would talk and decide what to give and he would let me give the gifts and money. Granted this time it was less than we usually give her because we just had to baby, had expenses to handle and we were a little more cautious.
After she left his cousin showed up claiming he had an interview , okay ohhhhhhh. I noticed the guy was a little condescending but I didn't let myself worry about that because I had my baby to worry about.

I have a none live in maid who comes and goes in the evening.
Anyway his cousin was nice and " respectful " when hubby was around, as soon as hubby left for work he ate breakfast and called me from my room to come and pack the plates, thank God I never knew how to do eye service I ignored him and went back to the room, even in my condition then 3rd week after delivery I never did that to my maid, I would still eat and take my plates to the kitchen myself.

Meanwhile I cook only lunch because I had to sleep when baby was sleeping as baby would keep me up all night, I had soups and stews and would ask the maid to make rice or swallow to go with the soups for him. Hubby hardly ate dinner as he took food to work ate a late lunch and would take fruits in the night or fix himself a sandwich.

This cousin would stay in the sitting room lying down on the sofa changing channels rudely when I had guests. Anyway after that plate stunt I sent my husband a message and was very upset he apologised,called his cousin and when he came back the cousin said he was leaving the next day, even though he claimed he came for an interview he didn't attend any.

After he left, they reported to an elderly family member who called hubby and I these were the allegations :

1. I am lazy, I don't cook amd clean even though I am a house wife

2. I don't work yet I "control" the finances I must have jazzed my husband

3. I was rude to my mother in law

4. I am was not accommodating enough to my in laws

5. He bought me a car

6. I was controlling

7. I am wasting money employing a non live in maid doing big woman just wasting money for nothing.

Meanwhile here is the real situation :

1. Lazy housewife lol; I never pretended to love housework. However hubby felt we were spending too much time apart doing housework instead of enjoying time together hence the decision to hire a house keeper.

2. When I met hubby he was a lucky go fella spent money as he made it, I was the opposite helped him start saving, I was working too and taught him then how to change naira to dollars and save in a domiciliary account, then naira was 152 within a year he had saved over $20,000 just by blocking loopholes and being more careful with finances. We had opened a wedding joint account and maintained it after the wedding as a family expense account. I had to stop work but I had savings to carry my weight during my period of unemployment. Hubby trusted me with tracking financial expenditure hence he would let me handle that.

We contribute 60-40 to expenditure even though I am a " housewife"


3. I was rude to mother in law: when I would need to sleep she would want something and would open my door shout until baby and I woke up, I would end up with a migraine and baby would be crying and edgy, so I started locking my door to nap. When i mean she wants something, I mean she can't find the TV remote or has problem changing channels or light goes off in the afternoon and she wants gen on. Meanwhile she hardly helped with baby.

4. I would definitely not do eye service to please anybody, I do things at my own convenience end off

5.The car was because he didn't want me stressing with the old car while pregnant and with the new baby.

6.I was controlling lol, I dont even know how to respond so if a husband and wife mutually agree on financial decisions it means control Lmao no wonder some men die and their wives don't even know their bank accounts such ignorance

7. The house keeper comes in the morning and leaves in thw evening then a few hours weekend. We are fair people, we rejected the " bring a girl from the village and train " issh we didn't want to abuse anybodys child. My mother in law was very angry anytime the lady was closing from work or when she does a new hair do, how dare I allow my maid to have so much freedom, well she is an employee not a slave.


Anyway the elder was so upset when hubby told him what happened he called a meeting and warned mother in law and the silly cousin who apparently heard her complains and came to " fight " for her he told them not to get involved in our marriage and stay in their boundaries. He kuku banned cousin from visiting us since he chose to be so crude

This meddling family members need to get a life. Then they will blame you if you don't allow them to come to your house.

KanwuliaJara:
After all this noise, is the husband-to-be complaining?
If not, abeg carry ya mouth go bury for evil forest!

Lessons learned: NEVER EXPECT FRIENDSHIP OR LOVE TO BE RECIPROCAL!!!!

"Never expect friendship or love to be reciprocal" I love this line.

Meanwhile here is the real situation :
1. Lazy housewife lol; I never pretended to love housework. However hubby felt we were spending too much time apart doing housework instead of enjoying time together hence the decision to hire a house keeper.
2. When I met hubby he was a lucky go fella spent money as he made it, I was the opposite helped him start saving, I was working too and taught him then how to change naira to dollars and save in a domiciliary account, then naira was 152 within a year he had saved over $20,000 just by blocking loopholes and being more careful with finances. We had opened a wedding joint account and maintained it after the wedding as a family expense account. I had to stop work but I had savings to carry my weight during my period of unemployment. Hubby trusted me with tracking financial expenditure hence he would let me handle that.
We contribute 60-40 to expenditure even though I am a " housewife"
3. I was rude to mother in law: when I would need to sleep she would want something and would open my door shout until baby and I woke up, I would end up with a migraine and baby would be crying and edgy, so I started locking my door to nap. When i mean she wants something, I mean she can't find the TV remote or has problem changing channels or light goes off in the afternoon and she wants gen on. Meanwhile she hardly helped with baby.
4. I would definitely not do eye service to please anybody, I do things at my own convenience end off
5.The car was because he didn't want me stressing with the old car while pregnant and with the new baby.
6.I was controlling lol, I dont even know how to respond so if a husband and wife mutually agree on financial decisions it means control Lmao no wonder some men die and their wives don't even know their bank accounts such ignorance

Too bad you deactivated, your posts about the finances captured my attention. Many more like you are needed to debunk Nollywood tales and urban myths surrounding stay home Moms and finances. People could learn so much from you instead of spinning tales based on their own inadequacies.

Great that you have a supporting man too.

@ Topic

I blame the girl for getting pregnant without a wedding ring. No offence but I hope she's not a runs girl because the disrespect dripping from your tone is major. Being a baby mama comes with a boatload of disrespect because the public perception is one of a desperate female looking to ensnare a man. Perhaps the lack of a formal ceremony is the reason why she's reluctant to play the role of DIL, who knows how many baby mamas are still coming behind her. I'm not justifying her actions but it would be interesting to hear the other side.

ismart:
I remember saying having a child for me isn't a guarantee that a woman will remain in my house.

People attacked me without understanding why I made such statement.

Some 4 months ago, my cousin had his first child. My aunt, being the mother in law to be made sure she (daughter in law to be) got the best care. She took care of the daughter in law to be, bathed her grandchild every morning, afternoon and night.

After a month plus, my aunt followed her son to his house and continued with the care for another 1 month plus.

However due to an accident she had in 2012, she had to undergo proper surgery to straighten her leg because after the accident, no surgery was done but just traditional treament which didn't do much as the leg, a few CM above the ankle was bent and you can see the protruding bone.

Being hardworking woman, she did a lot of works with the leg.

I travelled to Lagos and when I returned, I was informed that she was in the hospital. I had to move to her sisters house same day so I can check on her.

On gettting there I saw her on the hospital bed. Few weeks later she was discharged from hospital.

This daughter in law to be was rarely around. When she comes, she would barely spend up to an hour before leaving. She has NEVER washed my aunt's clothes. Through out the 2 months that my aunt was discharged from hospital, the girl NEVER bought anything for my aunt as a mother in law to her. She NEVER stayed to take care of her. Absolutely NOTHING can be accounted for as a gain she contributes to the family system.

My aunt's only daughter died early 2000s and this girl could have easily played that role.

Last time she visited I was told she was around I didn't bother to come out to see her cos I was just to displeased.

While we were away, robber buggled into my aunt's house. This girl came, she couldn't arrange her mother in law's clothes nor sweep the room she occupied when she delivered. The best she could do was brought out her iphone, one my cousin bought, and started taking pictures of the damages and calling my cousin on phone to even magnify and exaggerate what happened.

In that two months I have been the one who would lift my aunt, get her crunches, wash her clothes, follow her to the hospital etc.

Today my aunt finally returned to her home after doctor told her that she can start putting the leg on ground while she walks. She had to call her sister's daughter to come and cook for her. Though I had wanted to do the cooking.


While I was with her in her room. She told me that the daughter in law was feeling pompous. I said to her that I have noticed but wondered why she kept quiet all along. She said she was just taking her time. So I told her what I expected of her daughter in law to be and that this problem had better be nipped in the bud before it's too late. I asked her what if she was quite older than her current age such that she can't move around. We talked more at length and she told me her mind. She also told me that she called the girl and informed her that she has arrived home. The girl didn't even bother to ask about cooking or gave any hint if she would come.

The son is currently out of the country. He bought this girl a car, took her South Africa and Dubai on vacation.

My aunt told me that while I was away at one time, they were making plans for introduction. This girl, though not yet strong cos of child delivery, made a decision to start business. My aunt suggested that wait for you to heal and you know you had this child via CS. She flaired up and I learned earlier she said what right does my aunt have to dictate for her. There was a serious quarel between her and my cousin.

My aunt has resolved that once her son comes back, they will discuss and possibly put a stop to her madness.

I have seen this game played over and over again. A girl brings out her real colours after a child or after marriage. That's why I said to myself, a child isn't a guarantee that a woman will remain in my house but her manners.

This girl in question is completely nothing to write home about...

I dislike people like you. It is your type that ruins marriages and some stupid men listen to BIL like you people. You act like you have everything going for you like your life is perfect and you can never make a mistake. You judge women and wives even girlfriends who never enter house yet you aint even married, YOU'VE GOT NO FUVCKING CLUE! You judge a woman when she drop cup, pick cup, she nor smile, she nor dey helpful, she nor bend down well, she nor wash house, she nor mop, she nor do this and that yet you are the most imperfect of all creatures. Only weak men listen to your type and break their homes for you. YOU WILL FAIL THIS TIME AND YES I AM SCREAMING. IF YOU LIKE DRIVE YOUR WIFE ABI GIRLFRIEND AND END UP WITH KIDS OUT OF WEDLOCK BUT THIS YOUR COUSIN WILL HAVE A HOME INTACT! YOU GO AND RUIN YOURS.

I have see this scene play out time and time again and let me tell you something, that girl will [size=28pt]NOT GO ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/size] Your cousin is not stupid like you. He made a baby with her and they will marry and there is nothing you and your aunty can do about that.

I think its sad that you are a man yet you are acting like sissy in this case. Its usually women that act the role you are currently playing. Listen i am not here to defend the girl or say she is an angel or not but all i'd say is ''MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!''

Your type is the home wrecker, you are already plotting and scheming with the elderly woman and discussing Dubai and co that her hubby or hubby to be is doing; LISTEN MAN, GO AND MIND YOUR DAMN BLOODY BUSINESS!

Let me ask you again, do you have a proper job like a nine to five? I don't think you do cos if you did, you wouldn't involve yourself with stuff like what you are currently doing. You will get a help who will help your aunty as she recovers. You may not be there for 2 whole months helping her bathe, cleanup, wash clothes , cook and move around with her crutches. Again same for the brother's wife to be. You wont expect her to run from where ever she is to come cos your aunty just go back from hospital. SHE WILL COME WHEN SHE CAN. SHAME ON YOU!

Go get yourself a job, a proper one like your cousin so you can get busy and even travel abroad with your wife to be, then you wont have the time to do amebo like market woman. Again it's the lady's business if she wants to carry load on her head with her CS stitches! Your aunty, you, your family cant stop her from making a living. If you probably had a successful business going for you, you'd understand her eagerness to jump right in! Shift the 'fuvck' back a bit and allow that young woman breathe...

KanwuliaJara:
After all this noise, is the husband-to-be complaining?
If not, abeg carry ya mouth go bury for evil forest!

Lessons learned: NEVER EXPECT FRIENDSHIP OR LOVE TO BE RECIPROCAL!!!!

is she marrying on d husband to b n will u allow ur mother to b a victim of such event??

ismart I swear, I did not add nor subtract from what I explained. I wish I had known, I would have made a voice not of my convo with my aunt.

The girl does nothing! absolutely nothing. she just sit and receive money from my cousin. My cousin is trying t be a good guy and take good care of her but you sef reason am na... I know you find it hard to believe.; i didn't decide to make vow of not giving a woman complete right even if she had 100 kids for me for nothing... what I mean is that I can not be manipulated.

Why are you so painedddddddddddddddddddddddddddd? What is your business here? Why not try to mind your business?

My aunt is an extremely good woman and a mother.

Everyone claims they are.

Part of the reason why I had to stay with her for that 2 months was because despite the injury she had, she followed me to go see where her sister(my monther) was buried. I even told her to rest awhile. she said no that we should continue. I was touched that day I swear.

I have been vindicated, YOU ARE WITHOUT A JOB!

Busy bodies everywhere. Some people and their amebo tendencies


Been married these days enh!!!

uplawal:
Honestly i can't believe we still have evil cousins like ismat,if na me be the girl,i will ignore him and if he tries any stupidity the way i will handle him ehn in his life he won't meddle in my affairs agaain.imagine him complaining of fone the guy bought for the lady nawa o.

....Please ignore the lousy idjiot called op and his equally rabid supoorters.A woman who has CS is who these clowns are hyperventilating about ...Insensitive rogues.They keep talking about 'you will be a Mil one day blabla'..which sensible woman will expect her daughter who had had CS,nursing a baby alone to have that energy for extra washing,cooking e.t.c,how much more a DIL??...except the woman is a witch?? ...doesnt she have any other blood relations to help out?



@op if out of the wickedness of your soul,a mere sadistic cousin like you connives and sends this lady out instead of minding your business,thereby denying that child the opportunity to grow up with his or her parents together...then you will grow old and die without a child yourself...you wont even have the opportunity of a 'babymama'sef..nonsense.

ismart:
I remember saying having a child for me isn't a guarantee that a woman will remain in my house.

People attacked me without understanding why I made such statement.

Some 4 months ago, my cousin had his first child. My aunt, being the mother in law to be made sure she (daughter in law to be) got the best care. She took care of the daughter in law to be, bathed her grandchild every morning, afternoon and night.

After a month plus, my aunt followed her son to his house and continued with the care for another 1 month plus.

However due to an accident she had in 2012, she had to undergo proper surgery to straighten her leg because after the accident, no surgery was done but just traditional treament which didn't do much as the leg, a few CM above the ankle was bent and you can see the protruding bone.

Being hardworking woman, she did a lot of works with the leg.

I travelled to Lagos and when I returned, I was informed that she was in the hospital. I had to move to her sisters house same day so I can check on her.

On gettting there I saw her on the hospital bed. Few weeks later she was discharged from hospital.

This daughter in law to be was rarely around. When she comes, she would barely spend up to an hour before leaving. She has NEVER washed my aunt's clothes. Through out the 2 months that my aunt was discharged from hospital, the girl NEVER bought anything for my aunt as a mother in law to her. She NEVER stayed to take care of her. Absolutely NOTHING can be accounted for as a gain she contributes to the family system.

My aunt's only daughter died early 2000s and this girl could have easily played that role.

Last time she visited I was told she was around I didn't bother to come out to see her cos I was just to displeased.

While we were away, robber buggled into my aunt's house. This girl came, she couldn't arrange her mother in law's clothes nor sweep the room she occupied when she delivered. The best she could do was brought out her iphone, one my cousin bought, and started taking pictures of the damages and calling my cousin on phone to even magnify and exaggerate what happened.

In that two months I have been the one who would lift my aunt, get her crunches, wash her clothes, follow her to the hospital etc.

Today my aunt finally returned to her home after doctor told her that she can start putting the leg on ground while she walks. She had to call her sister's daughter to come and cook for her. Though I had wanted to do the cooking.


While I was with her in her room. She told me that the daughter in law was feeling pompous. I said to her that I have noticed but wondered why she kept quiet all along. She said she was just taking her time. So I told her what I expected of her daughter in law to be and that this problem had better be nipped in the bud before it's too late. I asked her what if she was quite older than her current age such that she can't move around. We talked more at length and she told me her mind. She also told me that she called the girl and informed her that she has arrived home. The girl didn't even bother to ask about cooking or gave any hint if she would come.

The son is currently out of the country. He bought this girl a car, took her South Africa and Dubai on vacation.

My aunt told me that while I was away at one time, they were making plans for introduction. This girl, though not yet strong cos of child delivery, made a decision to start business. My aunt suggested that wait for you to heal and you know you had this child via CS. She flaired up and I learned earlier she said what right does my aunt have to dictate for her. There was a serious quarel between her and my cousin.

My aunt has resolved that once her son comes back, they will discuss and possibly put a stop to her madness.

I have seen this game played over and over again. A girl brings out her real colours after a child or after marriage. That's why I said to myself, a child isn't a guarantee that a woman will remain in my house but her manners.

This girl in question is completely nothing to write home about...

You and your Cousin should learn to do things and help your selves and not expecte someone to help you, moreover the lady has her responsibilities in her husband's home.

tearoses:
My mum will chase me away
She will tell me to go back to my baby and focus on that
She will probably start crying that now that she wants to look after me and the baby, the operation is limiting her.

As the operation was not an emergency, she would have made other arrangements beforehand abd She would have other people around her to look after her

This is where the Op and the aunt come in. Different backgrounds account for different behaviours, and some of these girls are wet behind the ears and are naive and these girls need support, advise and mentoring and she will grow in time.

Show her love and she will be willing to learn and please.
Some people just need to be shown what to do

I just envy the matured manner and wisdom with which most of you have responded to this thread , unlike the other persons who were sounding too harsh and completely biased in their comments.

chamberlin1:
Thanks Mr know it all, I believe I have a lot to learn. But the one I know is that a nuclear family is made up of father mother n children, these are the people that have maximum priority to each other. The man in question never complained about the girl that bore him a child, so why should a cousin of his, gossip with his mom to instigate a seed of hatred or coup because of her laxity. Why not call the girl in question and talk to her to change her ways, if she doesn't she can stay on her own after all she's a mother too. Time will heal their misunderstanding when the family has minimal interference in her home. Why do u support a child to bear the pain of growing in a broken home. Dude, u need to relearn if u are yet to understand what life is all about. Bye

You are obviously not married or have parents who have been married for over 5 years. I rest my case.

Hi Kimoni.
I figured out who you are.
Your old moniker was quite popular.
B...

Youngpo413:
"Never expect friendship or love to be reciprocal" I love this line.

Most are picking on the messenger ignoring the message. There's a deep message there and I also wanted to point it out but I just said what the heck, people get too unnecessarily emotional.
If most people don't have this expectations, there'll be less heartaches and emotional traumas.

Been a while since I SMELLED the rancid azzzzzess of sooooooooo many IJJJJJIOTS on one thread!
OP! See disease wey you dey spread for hia?

F22RAPTOR:
emmm..bros, respect or slave? Pls clarify. Thank you

I didn't get u bro

ismart:
I dey shake for body ooo, e b like say make I cry. Na men put this kind women for house o. OMG!

See the kind of response from supposed women that will become MIL.

This is why I am very picky when it comes to women. Your body language and the kind of words that comes out of your mouth are my lab test.

You and freecocoa no dey ever disappoint! May God bless your home and your mothers.

Oh God! Our society is finished oooooooo

Guy relax. There are some things you need to understand as a man. First, the way, tone and manner by which you present the case in the first place (i.e. ur original post) is sentimental. You have painted yourself and the family bad right from the beginning of your post. For you to have been mentioning things your cousin did for his wife-to-be (like the phone he bought for her, taking her to SA, getting her a car etc) sounds childish on your part. I must confess, the part of your post which says you've sent many ladies out of your life doesn't sound so good as well, especially taking cognizance of the fact that you are planning to send this lady out of your cousin's life too, despite having a child for him already.

Mind you, I am not supporting the said lady in any way, as (in my own opinion) nothing can justify why she can't be nice to her husband's family. She needs to be corrected on that. However, as a man you are, especially as an outsider when considering the union of your cousin and his wife (because it's now their family issue), you don't have to meddle so much in the affair. Truth be told, you know too much already which is not suppose to be. That the lady is bad, not a house material and the decision to leave is neither your responsibility nor your aunt's. Let the husband decides that.

I understand what you are pointing out here, but you need to know your boundary. Also, remember that the lady is from another family bring up. Mind you, what makes sense and acceptable in your family might not really be issue of relevance in other families even if both are same tribe. Just imagine if situations and conditions warrants that the lady in question travel out of the country, or if she works with the government in another state, will the family ask her to relocate or resign from her job to take care of your aunt? At least other means will be employed to ensure that your aunt gets what you wanted for her. I am not saying your sister in law shouldn't be corrected but you shouldn't have a hand in destroying the home of your cousin. There is no human being that is perfect, not even you or myself. What if you succeed in chasing this present one out and your cousin marry another lady taking care of the family but ruining your cousin in some other way. Remember that the marriage is theirs and not yours.

Conclusively, please leave the family (husband and wife) alone, and let them decide what's good for them. Wait till her husband starts complaining about her attitudes before you say she's not a house material. Your cousin might be so pleased with her for some reasons best known to him. Thank you so much as you heed my word. Remain blessed.

5minsmadness:
Hi Kimoni.
I figured out who you are.
Your old moniker was quite popular.
B...

I'm all ears