₦airaland Forum

EfemenaXY:
My thoughts?

No. 4 I'll grudgingly do (yeah, no one's perfect) but No. 5? Certainly not! Why should I be the one praying for him to do the right thing? Is he a child? How can he claim to be a "man" + head of the home, but yet let his JT override his sense of reasoning?

@OP: abeg talk another one jare. See, that attitude of fast and pray for him...he's not doing it with his clear eyes.... yardi-yardi-ya is part of the reason many many women are diffident, meek, not to mention un-confident. I mean how does this work? I mean really work? What I'm picturing in my mind's eye is Oga rolling over lazily in bed the morning after, all bleary-eyed and smiling smugly to himself after his hot night out with Mistress A - while madam in her oversized white-garment robes prances around the house in her barefeet, candle in hand, holy water & bible in the other hand, speaks in tongues cursing Mistresses A, B, & C but pleads for the holy ghost to descend on Oga who by the way, is still in bed happily reliving his escapades.

Talk about giving one's self high BP.

Women should learn to be more assertive in relationships be it marriage / dating. Have borders that can't be crossed. Men do. So why can't women? Set standards for yourself, of what is acceptable, what is "manageable" and what is a definite no-no. Until then, many women would continue to suffer in silence.

take 5.you have talk am finish

EfemenaXY:
My thoughts?

No. 4 I'll grudgingly do (yeah, no one's perfect) but No. 5? Certainly not! Why should I be the one praying for him to do the right thing? Is he a child? How can he claim to be a "man" + head of the home, but yet let his JT override his sense of reasoning?

@OP: abeg talk another one jare. See, that attitude of fast and pray for him...he's not doing it with his clear eyes....

Women should learn to be more assertive in relationships be it marriage / dating. Have borders that can't be crossed. Men do. So why can't women? Set standards for yourself, of what is acceptable, what is "manageable" and what is a definite no-no. Until then, many women would continue to suffer in silence.

This is the crux of the matter .

byvan03:
I really understand where you are coming from but these girls cannot be excused. It's just like saying that the thief is blameless because I kept my money carelessly. I really believe that they deserve whatever the husband got as his penalty in good measure, shaken together and running over. I feel no pity for these husbands nor their mistresses.

If the man will burn at a stake for his shyte, the girl should too. There is a reason why an accomplice is expected to serve some time in a real life criminal case. It's a different pot of soup if the mistress is under aged.

Not necessarily. Don't get me wrong, I'm not absolving the girl on the side of all blame, but honestly, in a union, who are the people responsible for keeping the union sanctified? Does the man not owe it to his wife to be faithful and likewise, the wife to him too? Who then should mistress "A" be accountable to? The man? His wife?

Holding the girl to ransome is akin to saying you'll hold all his "bits on the side" to ransome. If the guy is a chronic womaniser, how many of his side-chicks will you go after na? 10? 50? 100? 300? At what point should the wife draw the line with her Valentino of a spouse?

I get what you're trying to say but personally, I just can't agree with it because it's just one step away from monitoring the ladies and that in itself, is just one step away from confronting them.

Biko, the best thing to do is let the man know he's walking on a tight-rope. He either sticks with his wife or he gets the hell out. And while he's moving out, she should get herself a good lawyer and take her cheating spouse to the drycleaners and squeeze him of every Penny, Cent, or Kobo he's got.

That way, she gets something (hopefully everything) from the split. Then let's see if he'll be that keen to jump beds, or better still, if side chicks X, Y, Z will still "love" the broke man.

byvan03:
Did you advise women to tear out mistresses weaves? I didnt oooo

I don't know o

When a man takes his girlfriend for abortion,(the doctor,the girlfriend and the guy) know that it's a 50-50 chance that she might die.
The girl dies,the police should only arrest the guy and let the doctor get away because he is a stranger,he has no empathy for you,he has no business with you.

edwife:
This thread says it all.Why was she blamed then if she isn't at fault?

https://www.nairaland.com/2688718/want-save-relations-him/1#39364364

Babes, this is different na.

That story was told from the side chick's perspective.

This thread is looking at it from the wife's angle. That's why in that thread, an observation was made about the @OP trying it on with reader's intelligence as per expecting posters to jump on the man's throat - even though we all know he's just as guilty, if not more.

byvan03:
This is the crux of the matter .

EfemenaXY:
Not necessarily. Don't get me wrong, I'm not absolving the girl on the side of all blame, but honestly, in a union, who are the people responsible for keeping the union sanctified? Does the man not owe it to his wife to be faithful and likewise, the wife to him too? Who then should mistress "A" be accountable to? The man? His wife?

Holding the girl to ransome is akin to saying you'll hold all his "bits on the side" to ransome. If the guy is a chronic womaniser, how many of his side-chicks will you go after na? 10? 50? 100? 300? At what point should the wife draw the line with her Valentino of a spouse?

I get what you're trying to say but personally, I just can't agree with it because it's just one step away from monitoring the ladies and that, is just one step away from confronting them.

Biko, the best thing to do is let the man know he's walking on a tight-rope. He either sticks with his wife or he gets the hell out. And while he's moving out, she should get herself a good lawyer and take her cheating spouse to the drycleaners and squeeze him of every Penny, Cent, or Kobo he's got.

That way, she gets something (hopefully everything) from the split. Then let's see if he'll be that keen to jump beds, or better still, if side chicks X, Y, Z will still "love" the broke man.

I totally agree with you, but I can't find it in my heart to blame a woman that successfully pummelled the poo out of a mistress. These girls have to be condemned for all they are worth because exonerating them only makes them more brazen. They are certainly not responsible to the woman, but if you view them as house rats who isn't responsible for its need to scavenge for food in people 's homes but gets smashed with a club regardless, you will errrhmmm....get my koko .

edwife:
I don't know o

When a man takes his girlfriend for abortion,(the doctor,the girlfriend and the guy) know that it's a 50-50 chance that she might die.
The girl dies,the police should only arrest the guy and let the doctor get away because he is a stranger,he has no empathy for you,he has no business with you.

Yes, he should be free to abort another day, after all is Logic. He ain't responsible for nothing .

EfemenaXY:
Babes, this is different na.

That story was told from the side chick's perspective.

This thread is looking at it from the wife's angle. That's why in that thread, an observation was made about the @OP trying it on with reader's intelligence as per expecting posters to jump on the man's throat - even though we all know he's just as guilty, if not more.

But as a wife on the side chick's perspective,why will i blame her?Why was she called an I/diot?Why do most of the posters here always attack any female who is a second wife?I still remember the thread that got us banned in multitude.

Don't get me wrong,i am one who will never tolerate infidelity-i might not sing it everywhere but i will find it very difficult to forgive.

I will also not in any time approach any mistress or even call them to order BUT if she crosses the line and comes for me,i am gonna go for her too.

If she threatens me,i will have to protect myself.I have a friend who was harassed by her husband's mistress for 6 months even when the man cut off all contact with her.She almost got her kidnapped just to take her place,and you really think i still have nothing to do with the mistress?

byvan03:
I totally agree with you, but I can't find it in my heart to blame a woman that successfully pummelled the poo out of a mistress. These girls have to be condemned for all they are worth because exonerating them only makes them more brazen. They are certainly not responsible to the woman, but if you view them as house rats who isn't responsible for its need to scavenge for food in people 's homes but gets smashed with a club regardless, you will errrhmmm....get my koko .

Lol @ getting your Kobo!

See Beev, of course there's some sadistic pleasure to be derived from watching the other woman physically suffer, but with what risks attached? Wifey getting thrown in jail? And if that happens, then her cheating man and mistress have won, hands down. And who then gets to care for her kids? The side chick with an agenda of her own, and the unscrupulous, unrepentant man.

No, getting physical with either of them (hubby and girlfriend) is an emotional, knee-jerk reaction which won't do wifey any good. The better option is to play her cards right, and close to her chest. And the only way she can do this is to remain focused and calculative - i.e being logical. It's the only way to hit back at them where it hurts the most without getting her hands dirty. That way, (depending on how good her lawer is), she gets to keep the lion's share of their assets / properties and, she gets to keep her/their kids.

Why d'you think Hilary Clinton didn't divorce Bill Clinton, despite the media scandal? Where is she now? Is she not a mere breath away from securing the top job?

We ladies need to THINK!

EfemenaXY:
Lol @ getting your Kobo!

See Beev, of course there's some sadistic pleasure to be derived from watching the other woman physically suffer, but with what risks attached? Wifey getting thrown in jail? And if that happens, then her cheating man and mistress have won, hands down. And who then gets to care for her kids? The side chick with an agenda of her own, and the unscrupulous, unrepentant man.

No, getting physical with either of them (hubby and girlfriend) is an emotional, knee-jerk reaction which won't do wifey any good. The better option is to play her cards right, and close to her chest. And the only way she can do this is to remain focused and calculative - i.e being logical. It's the only way to hit back at them where it hurts the most without getting her hands dirty. That way, (depending on how good her lawer is), she gets to keep the lion's share of their assets / properties and, she gets to keep her/their kids.

Why d'you think Hilary Clinton didn't divorce Bill Clinton, despite the media scandal? Where is she now? Is she not a mere breath away from securing the top job?

We ladies need to THINK!

You are absolutely right but Monica didn't harass Hilary did she?She disappeared quietly and Bill was very repented and took total responsibility for his actions.

Going physical is barbaric but we all don't have the same standards,do we?Some will turn the thief to the police,some will forgive while some will practice jungle justice.Does it make it right?No but if that's the way they want to go with it,i won't judge.

edwife:
But as a wife on the side chick's perspective,why will i blame her?

Not sure what you're getting at here. D'you mean - why would the side chick blame the wife? I don't think she was and even if she was, her claims would be baseless jare. As long as she's never met not to mention, never spoken to madam, her opinion of her would be based purely on what the man's told her - and that as you know would be biased and certainly not objective.

edwife:
Why was she called an I/diot?Why do most of the posters here always attack any female who is a second wife? I still remember the thread that got us banned in multitude.

She was called an iidiot by the man himself. Question is, why? Obviously because through her actions, she demonstrated that she isn't that smart. Come to think of it the wife's probably in on the man's game and has got her own plans in place to protect and secure hers and her kids' futures. For all we know, she's probably let the man know what he stands to lose if he chooses to up sticks with his mistress. What man, after having worked for over 23 years to build up his empire, would be willing to lose it all to someone like that @OP and start all over again from scratch?

Wifey's probably playing her cards smart, the man knows it, knows what he stands to loose, and is caught between a rock and a hard place. Little wonder why his Iroko hasn't stood upright for the side chick in six months.

Re: the bolded

Those were the days. Alcatraz et al...

edwife:
Don't get me wrong,i am one who will never tolerate infidelity-i might not sing it everywhere but i will find it very difficult to forgive.

I will also not in any time approach any mistress or even call them to order BUT if she crosses the line and comes for me,i am gonna go for her too.

If she threatens me,i will have to protect myself.I have a friend who was harassed by her husband's mistress for 6 months even when the man cut off all contact with her.She almost got her kidnapped just to take her place,and you really think i still have nothing to do with the mistress?

I don't disagree with this but still have my reservations about getting physical with her. I guess it depends on where you're based. If in Naija where anything goes, then yes, wifey is within her rights to physically beat the living daylights out of her for tresspassing / directly going into the wife's home.

But if over here, let the law take action. Mistress A would certainly be facing charges for stalking, intent to harm, harrassment, etc.

EfemenaXY:
Lol @ getting your Kobo!

See Beev, of course there's some sadistic pleasure to be derived from watching the other woman physically suffer, but with what risks attached? Wifey getting thrown in jail? And if that happens, then her cheating man and mistress have won, hands down. And who then gets to care for her kids? The side chick with an agenda of her own, and the unscrupulous, unrepentant man.

No, getting physical with either of them (hubby and girlfriend) is an emotional, knee-jerk reaction which won't do wifey any good. The better option is to play her cards right, and close to her chest. And the only way she can do this is to remain focused and calculative - i.e being logical. It's the only way to hit back at them where it hurts the most without getting her hands dirty. That way, (depending on how good her lawer is), she gets to keep the lion's share of their assets / properties and, she gets to keep her/their kids.

Why d'you think Hilary Clinton didn't divorce Bill Clinton, despite the media scandal? Where is she now? Is she not a mere breath away from securing the top job?

We ladies need to THINK!

Assuming wify didn't have the brain power to play this game but has the fist, will you try talking her out of it?please don't, Just call me to watch .

Jailing for beating up a mistress in Naija? We dismiss such as family matters in my beloved country .

edwife:
You are absolutely right but Monica didn't harass Hilary did she?She disappeared quietly and Bill was very repented and took total responsibility for his actions.

Going physical is barbaric but we all don't have the same standards,do we?Some will turn the thief to the police,some will forgive while some will practice jungle justice.Does it make it right?No but if that's the way they want to go with it,i won't judge.

Eds I think you're mixing it up.

This thread is directed at the wife and what her actions / responses are / should be to the the man & his mistress. It's not about what the mistress should / shouldn't do to the wife.

Efe what if you jam that kind rat inside house ? Be honest will you be kind enough to open the door for her to walk away?


You sure sey u no go lock door carry pestle deliver her from the clutches of darkness wey dey worry her .

EfemenaXY:
Not sure what you're getting at here. D'you mean - why would the side chick blame the wife? I don't think she was and even if she was, her claims would be baseless jare. As long as she's never met not to mention, never spoken to madam, her opinion of her would be based purely on what the man's told her - and that as you know would be biased and certainly not objective.






She was called an iidiot by the man himself. Question is, why? Obviously because through her actions, she demonstrated that she isn't that smart. Come to think of it the wife's probably in on the man's game and has got her own plans in place to protect and secure hers and her kids' futures. For all we know, she's probably let the man know what he stands to lose if he chooses to up sticks with his mistress. What man, after having worked for over 23 years to build up his empire, would be willing to lose it all to someone like that @OP and start all over again from scratch?

Wifey's probably playing her cards smart, the man knows it, knows what he stands to loose, and is caught between a rock and a hard place. Little wonder why his Iroko hasn't stood upright for the side chick in six months.

Re: the bolded

Those were the days. Alcatraz et al...



I don't disagree with this but still have my reservations about getting physical with her. I guess it depends on where you're based. If in Naija where anything goes, then yes, wifey is within her rights to physically beat the living daylights out of her for tresspassing / directly going into the wife's home.

But if over here, let the law take action. Mistress A would certainly be facing charges for stalking, intent to harm, harrassment, etc.

Now this is super funny , surprisingly she was still sharp mouthed to respond to criticism. Now that the iroko can't stand, I think she has outlived her usefulness. She just couldn't see it, I have never seen a dumber post for help in my life.

byvan03:
Assuming wify didn't have the brain power to play this game but has the fist, will you try talking her out of it?please don't, Just call me to watch .

Jailing for beating up a mistress in Naija? We dismiss such as family matters in my beloved country .

Beev, the wife could be strong but the mistress could be stronger. What if the wife is an Ajebutter and the mistress an Ajekpako? Ajebors don't roll in the gutter with Ajekpakos na.

There are classier ways to get even. You just need to be patient, composed, and calculative.

Re: the jailing part, that's why I said it depends on where you're based. D'you know a home owner was up facing criminal charges over here for shooting an intruder in his house? Biko, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

[quote author=EfemenaXY post=39552726]

She was called an iidiot by the man himself. Question is, why? Obviously because through her actions, she demonstrated that she isn't that smart. Come to think of it the wife's probably in on the man's game and has got her own plans in place to protect and secure hers and her kids' futures. For all we know, she's probably let the man know what he stands to lose if he chooses to up sticks with his mistress. What man, after having worked for over 23 years to build up his empire, would be willing to lose it all to someone like that @OP and start all over again from scratch?

Wifey's probably playing her cards smart, the man knows it, knows what he stands to loose, and is caught between a rock and a hard place. Little wonder why his Iroko hasn't stood upright for the side chick in six months.

Re: the bolded

Those were the days. Alcatraz et al...

Lol @those days,we were naughty!

I don't disagree with this but still have my reservations about getting physical with her. I guess it depends on where you're based. If in Naija where anything goes, then yes, wifey is within her rights to physically beat the living daylights out of her for tresspassing / directly going into the wife's home.

But if over here, let the law take action. Mistress A would certainly be facing charges for stalking, intent to harm, harrassment, etc.

Now you get me though i got y'all longtime ago.
Advice to the mistress,stay far far away from my territory.Use the blokos wherever you want but my home!Even abroad i can shoot you in my house and claim self-defence after all you were found in my home.

byvan03:
Efe what if you jam that kind rat inside house ? Be honest will you be kind enough to open the door for her to walk away?


You sure sey u no go lock door carry pestle deliver her from the clutches of darkness wey dey worry her .

That would be the natural instinctive thing to do but not the best approach. How about quickly fishing out the smart phone from your handbag and filming them in their nnaked state, guilt written over their faces as they guiltily stumble around trying to pick up their discarded clothes from the floor?

That footage should stand up in a court of law as proof of the man's infidelity and an express ticket to divorcing his sorry arse - but more importantly, clearing him out of every penny.

byvan03:
Now this is super funny , surprisingly she was still sharp mouthed to respond to criticism. Now that the iroko can't stand, I think she has outlived her usefulness. She just couldn't see it, I have never seen a dumber post for help in my life.

You get all sorts on Nairaland. As Bukatyn famously said, "Why buy a copy of Hints! When you can get it for free on Nairaland?"

PresVA:
Her right? I don't get it... we all know dating a married man in a non polygamous society is morally wrong, so why propagate it?

Nigeria is a non-polygamous society now?

Who says it is morally wrong?

So many of these ladies intentionally throw themselves at married men.. You hear them say; married men are more caring, they're already made, they are gentler and all sorts of rubbish. ..

They are selfish and I am perfectly ok with people who deal in their own best interest. Nothing wrong with it.

Please, we should try to uphold what's right and shame evil.. Dating a married man is very wrong! !
If we can say these mistresses do what they think is right, then we can also say boko haram, ISIS, our corrupt politicians, eeeettcc also do what they think is right..afterall everyone's got a reason for an act!!
What is wrong is wrong! ! If we continue with this 'right' thing, so many evils will be excused! !

You are getting it wrong here. Byvan said that she can do whatever SHE considers right and in response to that I said that it is the same way of thinking the ladies have who date married men. Once again, WHO SAYS that dating a married man is wrong?

I hope you'll say it's the girl's right when a lady tries to sleep with your husband. .or tell your daughters to date married men afterall it's their RIGHT not to give a sh! T about the men's marital status. ..

It is anyone's right to throw themselves at my spouse. I can PERFECTLY understand why they would want to
By the time my daughters are grown up and ready to date people, they will decide on their own what is best for them.

Also, alot of people here condemned a woman on another thread concerning her relationship with a married man... why didn't you cheer her on and tell her it was her right?

Her problem is not the married man. Her problem is much bigger than that and she will take it from relationship to relationship no matter if the man is married or not if she doesn't figure it out.

I will apportion more blame to the husband but the mistress isn't blameless!!

Because?

EfemenaXY:


You don start again. Interesting argument. Lemme finish read it up first...



Nne - I still dey read am oh!

How're you though?

Turning in my big chair, taking a puff, blowing out the smoke and saying: I've been expecting you.


Happy to see you here. We are going to have fun.

byvan03:
You keep using "you" and "your", don't lose sight of the aim of the dialogue. It has nothing to do with me. You complained of belligerence but you are the one exhibiting it here. What I have stated so far is my view on the matter, nothing personal.


You are the one that refuses to accept that nothing is universal,not me .

In English grammar and in particular in casual English, generic you, impersonal you or indefinite you is the pronoun you in its use in referring to an unspecified person, as opposed to its use as the second person pronoun.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generic_you


I have no problem with you and it is not about us but about our opinions. No hard feelings please.

Chillis:
The way you ask question to dissect a post. Are you EfemenaXY sister?
Efe come and see your sister.

I am that I am.

Mindfulness:
Turning in my big chair, taking a puff, blowing out the smoke and saying: I've been expecting you.


Happy to see you here. We are going to have fun.

My stance on this issue was established eons ago on this forum..

Both of them will get the worst punishment there is..... No story.

And still keeping the man, only to dump him in his late sixties when he'll desperately need a companion to care for him.

Yatzhee!

EfemenaXY:
That would be the natural instinctive thing to do but not the best approach. How about quickly fishing out the smart phone from your handbag and filming them in their nnaked state, guilt written over their faces as they guiltily stumble around trying to pick up their discarded clothes from the floor?

That footage should stand up in a court of law as proof of the man's infidelity and an express ticket to divorcing his sorry arse - but more importantly, clearing him out of every penny.

Plan B is not very useful in Nigeria, the only penny you can claim is your own penny already in your account . So am speaking from what is workable given my geographical location at the moment. I think you voted for going natural via plan A, don't worry I voted on your behalf .

EfemenaXY:
Beev, the wife could be strong but the mistress could be stronger. What if the wife is an Ajebutter and the mistress an Ajekpako? Ajebors don't roll in the gutter with Ajekpakos na.

There are classier ways to get even. You just need to be patient, composed, and calculative.

Re: the jailing part, that's why I said it depends on where you're based. D'you know a home owner was up facing criminal charges over here for shooting an intruder in his house? Biko, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

The reason she doesn't have to break her nails if all that will please her is the mistress black eye, there is a way around everything you know.

Mindfulness:
In English grammar and in particular in casual English, generic you, impersonal you or indefinite you is the pronoun you in its use in referring to an unspecified person, as opposed to its use as the second person pronoun.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generic_you


I have no problem with you and it is not about us but about our opinions. No hard feelings please.

Ok

njokusboy:
Anyway...

Anyway, cheating is no crime according to any law.. No one ggets jailed for cheating on his/her spouse?
However, as much as marriage is a vow between partners, it is also a declaration that those partners are off the marriage market.. so people should stay off, any other person becomes an intruder... the husband is wrong for breaking his vows, the other woman is also wrong for intruding.. an intruder is never devoid of blame...
I employ a gateman to watch my house, he connives with an outsider to steal my property and you are telling me the outsider shouldn't share an equal blame becos I didn't employ him? Where's d logic??
This is why young girls recklessly throw themselves at married men, becos of crazy rationalisations such as this
Like edwife said, if there are no sellers, there would be no buyers...

So what if one of these partners declares that he is on the market again?

Ewuro4:
My stance on this issue was established eons ago on this forum..

Both of them will get the worst punishment there is..... No story.

And still keeping the man, only to dump him in his late sixties when he'll desperately need a companion to care for him.

Yatzhee!

That can only happen if the man is still interested to keep the marriage going, which may not be the case.

byvan03:
The reason she doesn't have to break her nails if all that will please her is the mistress black eye, there is a way around everything you know.

You mean hiring henchmen to "deal" with her? Two questions for you then:

~ What happens afterwards if Mistress A decides to exert her revenge on madame by hiring her own Agberos? This will quickly turn into a never ending circle of violence - not to mention the risks posed to the kids caught in the middle.

~ What happens to Oga in all this? Does he remain absolved of all guilt?