Nice story Boyo. There s something i noticed. U knw, u used urself as the subject of the story and since u were kidnapped, there's no way u 'd have known wat transpired between funke and dayo, unless someone told u. So i suggest u act as the narrator of the story as in use a fictions character. Instead of "I", use "He". Am not a student of literature, but that's my opinion though. All in all nice story. Following..........

Luckymay:
Nice story Boyo. There s something i noticed. U knw, u used urself as the subject of the story and since u were kidnapped, there's no way u 'd have known wat transpired between funke and dayo, unless someone told u. So i suggest u act as the narrator of the story as in use a fictions character. Instead of "I", use "He". Am not a student of literature, but that's my opinion though. All in all nice story. Following..........

wow,this is the best comment so far.i will surely do that sis. thanks sooo much i really appreciate ur comment. have started the editing from page 1, although it will take time because there are lots of places i used i

boyo123:
wow,this is the best comment so far.i will surely do that sis. thanks sooo much i really appreciate ur comment. have started the editing from page 1, although it will take time because there are lots of places i used i

tnx for ur understanding dear. Wish i cud help with the editing, but then; i wish u more strength.

Luckymay:

tnx for ur understanding dear. Wish i cud help with the editing, but then; i wish u more strength.

thanks so much.i will.be editing it gradually, i just finished editing the first page.i would have known too if i had been a literature student,my course of study no even near there at all.

boyo123:
thanks so much.i will.be editing it gradually, i just finished editing the first page.i would have known too if i had been a literature student,my course of study no even near there at all.

wow, and u were able to come up with this. I admire ur intelligence. Keep up the good work pls. Take it gradually, with time u'd be done with the editing and modification. Tnk god u 've not gone that far with the story.

Luckymay:

wow, and u were able to come up with this. I admire ur intelligence. Keep up the good work pls. Take it gradually, with time u'd be done with the editing and modification. Tnk god u 've not gone that far with the story.

i just discovered this part of me although am still learning how to use the punctuations sha.i really appreciate you guys for understanding honestly

boyo123:
i just discovered this part of me although am still learning how to use the punctuations sha.i really appreciate you guys for understanding honestly

u welcome

Luckymay:
u welcome

ok dear.i will update some tomorrow

boyo123:
ok dear.i will update some tomorrow

following bumper to bumper.

Luckymay:
following bumper to bumper.

ok dear

Dayo sat in his car outside funke’s house thinking of how he could save his cousin “why can’t I just go to capon and beg for the release of tunde? ,why do I have to team up with this girl? ,what if they involve me in the whole matter again” he later made up his mind to team up with her after weighing his  chances, he got out of the car and went to the door.


Dayo was sited across the room from funke where she was narrating the incident to him when they heard a horn from a car outside ,she excused herself then went to the window to check the car before going outside, dayo was wandering who its was but did not ask.few minutes later funke came in with osama and dayo couldn’t believe his eyes.



Tunde was sitting on a iron chair with both his hands tied to the back of the chair,he was a little weak from the beaten he has received from the guys, moments later the young man that was at the gate while they were coming in walked into the room, he was holding a bottle of water in his hands when he said “ you care for some? “ holding the water up, tunde looked up at him then said “ yes! , thank you , God bless you “ but to his surprise the young man said “ amen “then tunde thought to himself “I don’t think this guy is like the others?, why did he say amen” then  the young man helped him put the water to his mouth ,after drinking the water , he said thank you again and the young man started leaving,before the guy could leave the room tunde quickly asked him” can I ask you some questions? please?”  but the guy looked back at him and said “ am sorry am not allowed to talk to you “ then he left.



About forty minutes later the young man came back with another man to the room, they raised him to his feet by dragging him by the hands then walked him out of the room. As they walked along the  other rooms in the house tunde kept peeping inside each room ,the first room they passed by was filled with about 8 guys  some smoking while some were sleeping, about two other guys  were gambling in one corner of the room, the second room was occupied by three young girls , that were dressed in skimpy cloths while they all sleep, the last room as its door closed, they could hear sounds of music from inside the room  and also the smell of weed , tunde could surely differentiate between the smell of a cigarette and the smell of a weed because he clubs very well so he had knowledge of everything .As the young man opened the door ,what he saw shocked him. A   light in complexion man with tattoo on his back and neck was having sex with a girl right there on the bed that was put on the floor, the girls moan was covered by the sound of the music so no one could hear her, tunde couldn’t watch so he focused his eyes on the radio in the room, the other guy that took him in with the young man looked at him and gave him a slap on the face , then point to the bed and said “ look there!” .



About ten minutes later, the man stood up and put on his trouser ,he looked at the raps of weed beside the bed  then took one and gave it to her, she smiled, smelled it  and walked out of the room , then he lighted one of the other  weed   and started smoking it, the man sat on a chair close to the bed but facing tunde and the other guys then said “ so na you be detective? “

Tunde was standing with fear in his mind when capon said “ how much were you paid ?, I believe you must have been paid a lot of money to come here to hunt me down” in a pleading manner tunde said “ please! am not a detective am only here on holidays from the u.s ,I don’t know anything about what you are saying I swear “ capon laughed and said “ tell me something else please because you suck at lying, you know what I don’t really have time for all this shit ,I just need one thing from you! but it’s not like am giving you a choice though you must do it except you want to die! and if you run away mercy will die!” tunde’s suddenly remembered that funke was mercy so he said “ ok sir! ,I will do anything !,any amount you want sir !“ capon frowned and said “ who is talking about money , well let’s leave that money part we will come back to it , but the major thing I want you to do for me is that , you will work with me on how to set trap for osama!” .


Funke with the help of osama and dayo had come up with plans on how to attack the base of the scorpions ,osama and is men just acquired some new guns and cutlasses so they are more confident and ready to fight, so the plan was to go there very early the next morning to attack the scopion's home, although funke and dayo are not going to take part in the fight, they are to park their car at a distance and get ready to escape with tunde when he has been freed, Luckily for dayo ,the day was a public holiday so he doesn’t have to worry about work.


Funke woke up very early the following day to get ready, she cleaned one of her small guns and kept it in a bag, it wasn’t long after that, she heard horns of cars outside her house, she peeped and saw that it was dayo’s car along with a bus and 2 other cars which she recognized as osama and his gang, she immediately left the cloth she was folding and joined the guys in the car.



Tunde was still sleeping when a loud gun sound woke him, he could hear sound of movements outside the room, suddenly there were shouts of “ haaaaaa!!!, yeeeeeeeee!!!, eying!! , emaku leni ni!!” the door to the room flung open and capon rushed in , he dragged tunde by the collar and said “ so una done plan am abi ? he slapped him a couple of times before pushing him out of the room using tunde to shield himself.As they got to the sitting room of the house ,tunde could not believe his eyes , he saw some of the guys with injuries , most of the wounds were not gun wounds it looks like knife or machete wounds , he looked at the door and saw that about 3 guys were there with a big cupboard behind the door, then suddenly he heard another shot” booooom!!” and everyone in the room quickly went to the ground,he heard capon shouting “ where my men they, you done alert them? “ looking at the direction of one of the guys ,then the guy replied “ they are coming boss!!, they are on their way!!! “.



The struggle went on for another fifteen minutes before noises started coming from outside, capon ordered those inside to go fight outside and help those members that just came while he will be at the back, they opened the door and tunde saw guys that are covered in blood, some holding cutlasses and the others were holding knifes ,capon pushed him forward so he could hide at his back. On stepping outside ,tunde saw how a guys throat was slashed , he tried to run but capon dragged him back putting a knife to his throat, a guy was trying to run when someone threw a knife at him ,the knife hit him on the head and blood started rushing out,the person that threw the knife came closer to him took the knife from the floor and inserted it smoothly into his stomach, he made it look so easy, he acted like he has done that a million times. tunde didn’t realize that someone was coming to attack them suddenly he felt something moved passed his face ,he quickly looked and saw that It was a knife, the guy lunched at him again the second time but before he could touch him capon had sliced a knife through his throat, but the guys knife still touched him slicing the side of his ear.

You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

pek:
You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

hmmm nice comment bro.like i told someone ealier ,i will appreciate if someone could show me how to puntuat correctly. and about the spellings.pls padone me for that ,i was writing in a hurry thats y,tanks for pointing out those mistake i will work on them.thank u i really appreciate once again

pek:
You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

please check my last update and see if it what u want me to do.those it look better

pek:
You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

please check my last update and see if it what u want me to do.those it look better?

boyo123:
please check my last update and see if it what u want me to do.those it look better?

the spellings sir, take note of them.... does nt those

aolumaxi:
the spellings sir, take note of them.... does nt those

ok thank you sir.can you point them out to me so i can correct them .

boyo123:
ok thank you sir.can you point them out to me so i can correct them .

Luckymay:
Nice story Boyo. There s something i noticed. U knw, u used urself as the subject of the story and since u were kidnapped, there's no way u 'd have known wat transpired between funke and dayo, unless someone told u. So i suggest u act as the narrator of the story as in use a fictions character. Instead of "I", use "He". Am not a student of literature, but that's my opinion though. All in all nice story. Following..........

pek:
You have a nice storyline. I had to finish it because it was suspenseful. That being said, storyline alone is not what makes a story interesting. There are many other things involved. Your story was bland. It lacked the basics. Your punctuation is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons your story is bland and don't flow. You need to punctuate according to make the sentences meaningful. Another great turn off is your spellings/ choice of words. I am surprised of the homonyms you were using. Learn to use the right words. You used hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak, as instead of has, etc. Please take my corrections in good faith.

Luckymay:
Nice story Boyo. There s something i noticed. U knw, u used urself as the subject of the story and since u were kidnapped, there's no way u 'd have known wat transpired between funke and dayo, unless someone told u. So i suggest u act as the narrator of the story as in use a fictions character. Instead of "I", use "He". Am not a student of literature, but that's my opinion though. All in all nice story. Following..........

tanks guys for ur contributions,its was stressful going tru each lines of the story again but thank God have been able to see some of the errors and corrected them, also have changed the story to a narative the way luckymay said .pls feel free to call my attention to any other mistake u find.gracias

Thanks not tanks. Always start your sentence with a capital letter. In my earlier post, I forgot to mention the narrative part. It is confusing. You are using the first person narrative and third person narrative.

pek:
Thanks not tanks. Always start your sentence with a capital letter. In my earlier post, I forgot to mention the narrative part. It is confusing. You are using the first person narrative and third person narrative.

looooolz.bro i go school now.its just that am a bit used to the short hand kind of writing and about the narration part,initially i started with the first person narrative but later had to change it to third person narrative because of the twist in the story, started editing from the begining, places i use i in the story i had to change them to he or even use the name tunde, and places i used we initially i changed them to they, you can read tru the pages again, have made the corrections.i guess u dont read other peoples comments you would av seen were i was discussing it with luckymay.gracias

boyo123:
looooolz.bro i go school now.its just that am a bit used to the short hand

Typical. I was waiting for this type of reasoning and for you to go defensive. Tanks can not be the short form of thanks. They mean two different things. Is it the same reason you have so many grammatical errors? I know you go school.

pek:
Typical. I was waiting for this type of reasoning and for you to go defensive. Tanks can not be the short form of thanks. They mean two different things. Is it the same reason you have so many grammatical errors? I know you go school.

well if u are talking about mistakes like
hear instead of here, aloud instead of allowed, hill instead of ill, week instead of weak ,which have made corrections to, then yes mistakes like that do happn when u type.give me some credit bro

Tunde was very scared, he doesn’t know what to do because capon was still holding on to him, using him as shield  for himself. As the fight between the two cult groups continued capon kept shifting towards the main gate of the building, tunde felt the fear in his voice too as he ordered his boys to keep fighting , he kept moving towards the gate while he used tunde as shield.  


Suddenly tunde heard a sharp cry from capon who was holding him tight on the neck, as capon continued whining, he felt a slight loose in his grip so he decided to take the chance to free himself , on turning back to get a view of what was happening , he saw capon trying to remove a knife that was cut into his collar bone, tunde was confused at the same time irritated by the site of the blood gushing out of the knife wound , he didn’t know if he should help him remove the knife or just leave him and run away.


As he was still contemplating what to do , he saw a fiercely looking man he believe should be a member of the scorpions , the man looked at capon as he tried to remove the knife ,he went on his knees and helped him get the knife out of his collar bone, then he looked up at tunde and made a run towards him with a knife, tunde began to run, the man didn’t stop as he continued chasing him down , at first tunde contemplated waiting for the man , he knew he couldn’t run too far before the man catch  up with him but he still tries to run , after few steps , the man stroke him with the knife.  Before tunde could look at where the knife had cut him ,the fiercely looking man punched a blow to his face and before he knew what was happening , he was on the floor crying in pain, the man mounted him ,pulled out the knife again, and tried to stab him in the chest , but  to his surprise the he suddenly stopped   as he was about to bring down the knife on him, few seconds later he saw drops of blood  from the man’s head ,someone had struck him from behind  but he didn’t know who it was, the man fell heavily on him ,hitting tunde’s  head hard on the floor, tunde cried in pain and tried pushing the body away from him but he was weak  because of the blood he has wasted, as he struggles to get the man off him, he noticed  that someone was helping him as well, as the person lifted the dead body from his head, the person he saw surprised him.



Standing over the dead body was the young man that gave him water during his lock up, tunde was confused, “is he trying to help him? or he is taking orders from capon or anyone in control at that time?” , the young man stretched his hand to him , tunde grabbed it and whine as he tries to get up, he wasn’t fully on his feet when he noticed the sudden stiffness of the young man’s hand , his hand was cold and it wasn’t moving anymore, he wasn’t trying to pull him up anymore, tunde fell back on his back and then he looked up and realized what has happened ,the young man had been struck in the head by another man, he watched in horror as the young man fell to the ground with his face, tunde was scared he has never held the hand of a dyeing person before, but his problem continued when he realized that the man who struck the young man was about to  strike him to death too, he tried moving but his body was heavy due to weakness, the man raised his cutlass but to his surprise again someone had come to his rescue .

Tunde is really lucky let's see much luck he has. Keep it coming boyo you are doing a wonderful job.

Missmossy:
Tunde is really lucky let's see much luck he has. Keep it coming boyo you are doing a wonderful job.

thanks soo much sis

nice work!!!

dherbee:
nice work!!!

thanks dherbee

I wish tunde had listened to his cousin in the first place, he wouldn't have gotten into this mess. So much blood had been spilled all for one stupid girl. If he eventually gets out of this one alive, he had better left for US or else........ Anyways keep it coming Boyo. Following.

Luckymay:
I wish tunde had listened to his cousin in the first place, he wouldn't have gotten into this mess. So much blood had been spilled all for one stupid girl. If he eventually gets out of this one alive, he had better left for US or else........ Anyways keep it coming Boyo. Following.

abi o.the guy wan kill himself because of love,i hope he survives it too sha

boyo123:
abi o.the guy wan kill himself because of love,i hope he survives it too sha

haha, did u say love?, i dont see dat as love, more like infatuation, cos from description, i dont think she possesses qualities that could make tunde fall in love with her, besides they just met. Anyways i can't tell sha, maybe that's his own view of 'falling in love'. Whichever one it is i wish him luck in his "daring the devil" adventure

Luckymay:

haha, did u say love?, i dont see dat as love, more like infatuation, cos from description, i dont think she possesses qualities that could make tunde fall in love with her, besides they just met. Anyways i can't tell sha, maybe that's his own view of 'falling in love'. Whichever one it is i wish him luck in his "daring the devil" adventure

well you are right , mayb he as not had enough of her.but surely its infatuation,but what i dont get is why he decides to stay back after getting hit the first time