₦airaland Forum

Op,keep on Dreaming

seaga:
I don't know where you ladies get this notion from, that a guy dumps his gf after success.so you think men are foolish, and we don't sense when a woman is with us because of our financial status.No way will i submit my freedom to marry a woman because she sees me as a money bag.Any responsible man will appreciate a lady that stood by him during is trying times.its wife we are talking about here not a gf to satisfy orgies

What is this one saying? Were you born yesterday? I beg go sit down.

As a matter of facts, this thing dey well well. Men have been known to jilt women that went through tough times with them.

That one is even before marriage. There is a jilting that happens even when the woman who went through tough times with him is already married to him.

He just abandon her for one corner and starts having mistresses. I said mistress and not girlfriends. Mistresses are usually had one at a time. They may need changed as time goes on.

seaga:
I don't know where you ladies get this notion from, that a guy dumps his gf after success.so you think men are foolish, and we don't sense when a woman is with us because of our financial status.No way will i submit my freedom to marry a woman because she sees me as a money bag.Any responsible man will appreciate a lady that stood by him during is trying times.its wife we are talking about here not a gf to satisfy orgies

What is this one saying? Were you born yesterday? I beg go sit down.

As a matter of facts, this thing dey happen well well. Men have been known to jilt women that went through tough times with them.

That one is even before marriage. There is a jilting that happens even when the woman who went through tough times with him is already married to him.

He go just abandon her for one corner and starts having mistresses. I said mistress and not girlfriends. Mistresses are usually had one at a time. They may be changed as time goes on. This one happens to many of our mothers well well. The woman will just answering wife by name, but will have absolutely no hold on the man. All his love and time is for the mistress.

goldendainty:
lovely points

Can you do all those that's the question.

Ihuomadinihu:
By the way,there is nothing to understand from 3 and 5,ok.
A woman that wants a large wedding will look for a way to have it! Either she supplements with her money, borrows and puts the family in debt or she forces you to go out there and look for it. Before you answer any silly questions,it's better you sit down and access what you really want.
A woman that desires a large wedding might adjust and go for a small trad and a large white wedding in order to be 'happy'.
The most important thing is your happiness,it's not a no or yes answer. A woman who says No to 3 will never be a spinster forever,she would have to work with her partner to make her happy.
Finally, number 5 is not a closed question. There are thousands of people married to people within their age group. You don't have to say Yes to a 40 yr old man to be married,if that is not what you want deep down inside you! Tufia!
There is no point saying Yes to anything out of desperation,say yes because you are happy within you.

I can be rest assure that, you completely understand the op now , it require a lot of understanding to be outstanding .op's on point ..the No 3 point, simply means yes, iif you are ready to find a way to make it work out.

your no 5 point 's still on the illustration I made earlier ..if you can find it interesting seeking advice from older one , you could develop a feelings for him. just like Celin dion who got married to her Manager who's far older than her ..Marriage 's all about who we get connected for and makes us happy ..aside the materials things of the world. I drop my pen. gudnite!

Toks2008:
This mindset is even more demeaning for a lady to hinge her perseverance with a struggling man on leveraging on his possible success in life.

Is it that our ladies are so hopeless and parasitic that they believe loving a struggling guy is a favour that must be reciprocated.

Abeg if any girl is not willing to be with a man for the right reason then let her start scouting for a rich guy to purchase her.

Tomorrow now, this person will do this same thing to that poor young girl who has defied all odds to ensure she encourages him in his struggles, and when he gets to the top and takes in the view, he'll just tell her, "thanks a lot, it's been quite the ride" and go straight for the fresh-looking babes. We know your type.

Ladies, please do what your heart tells you. I would honestly advise against marrying a struggling man with no regular source of income. It is not good for raising a family. A sense of financial security is necessary for a stable family. It reduces potential frustration. Now I'm not saying that things can't change even for the rich, but even God ensured that Adam was working and was made responsible before Eve came on board. Don't listen to sentiment-whipping embittered male folk. Do what your heart tells you to. Every lady must not say yes to the abovementioned questions, they have a right to their preferences, and it still doesn't make them gold diggers.

goldendainty:
lovely points

And, what's lovely about the points biko?

double0seven:
first of all, I'm not your sis. I'm a guy

again from this answer, I can tell you are either small boy or a troubled soul.

A matured who has had relationships with women, and when talking about relationship with women with marriage in view won't be shouting mess , sc.rew, ban.g .....

you are still in your period of sexual fantasy.....na school mentality still dey your head.... that's it's full of images and words like fuc.k , scre.w etc...

silly small boy trying to dish advice to his aunties and bros

una people get time

I can see you are a myopic and frutrated person filled with so much negativty,persimism and unequivocal bitterness.

The word scr"w is as harmless as you can think of and i was careful to avoid nairaland auto correct which would have come out as bleep.

Inasmuch as i try to be modest in my explanation,your overbloated ego wont allow you communcate decently calling me a kid vecause i used the word screw with an asterix.

You are deluded and remove your age from 40 and the remaining years is the gap between us and even if you are older than 40 or a methuselah then you must really be a mentally immature one because mature people dont throw abuses the way you do so go learn some decorum.

Omotayor123:
True.. But suffering with a guy doesn't guarantee your future or Anything.. Tell me, where are the ladies that suffer with Don jazzy How come Olamide is skeptical about marrying the woman that suffer with him even after she bore his child
That's why I don't blame ladies who had refused to suffer with any guy.

i sorry 4 ur thinking, if u don't change it,, u might rust like iron,

OP your post is way off . I said NO to all but no 3 and i am happily married .

I spent years working hard and making something out of life for myself so why should i settle for a struggling man in a one bedroom apartment when as a single girl i was controlling 3 bedroom apartment.

Lets stop promoting this nonsense stereotypes that a girl has to drop all standards just to get married .

I dated a lot of mr prospects and trust me its not easy being with that category of men because a lot of them have enormous chips on their shoulder and just want to leech on you .

When i met my husband he was in between jobs and i made it clear to him that i would not date him until he got a job and till date he said that fact alone was one of the things he found appealing

mind you i was 35 at this time but i was not swayed by all the talk similar to what OP posted and i have no regrets for my decision at all .

sheabutter1:
oh so you are able to understand the 2 points of op out of the 5 . my ddear , if you are able to read calmly, I believe you will pick some senses from other 3 .

I believe op, never stop you from your choice, he just emphasize on, never perceive what you can't condole. you know a guy in a room a No to you , you should never have let him date you in any reason ..for you to consider him to date you, that means your choice is scarce , and nothing bad in starting a life with him if he's ambitions minded ..not someone, who's comfortable in a room and room and ready to spend the rest of his life there..

I so much love intelligent people who can calmy assimilate.

For petes sake i know some ladies can never come across a struggling guy in their life let alone a guy living in a room apartment but my write up is for the majority of ladies who see themselves in such situation.

Ladies talk about guys having regular jobs because they are selfish,myopic and mentally enslaved because they seldom think outside the box.

When dangote was doing his merchandise years back before he got a loan from dantata i guess these myopic and self centered ladies of today will turn him down but today we all know his story.

Nigerian ladies are the most annoying when it comes to the issue of money and marriage.

A reasonable lady will understand that with about 100k she can start a life with a man without children or at most a child and they can build their life from there.

If a lady strugles to bring home 30k a month and the man strugles to bring home 40k,trust me they can manage that.

I dont know maybe its my background that makes me think this way but i believe millions of ladies in Nigeria are also from a humble background.

Jobs dont drop from heaven and if 3 out of ten guys are gainfully employed and ten ladies want a gainfully employed guy then it is only normal for the three employed guys to marry 3 out of these 10 ladies and share the remaining 7 among themselves as mistresses...this is why you see rich guys passing around myopic money monger ladies who would rather be with a rich boyfriend than get married to a hustler.

Jobs will come when it will and if it is that important then you go get one too...all the musicians we have no get job o but the hustled their way up,Dangote sef na huslter so our ladies should think because na hustlers go still employ that guy wey mut get job before they marry them.

Infact naija ladies are mostly responsible for the low enterprenural drive of our young men cos an average Nigerian lady would rather want her man to look for a job rather than starting his own business...too bad.

babie78:
OP your post is way off . I said NO to all but no 3 and i am happily married .

I spent years working hard and making something out of life for myself so why should i settle for a struggling man in a one bedroom apartment when as a single girl i was controlling 3 bedroom apartment.

Lets stop promoting this nonsense stereotypes that a girl has to drop all standards just to get married .

I dated a lot of mr prospects and trust me its not easy being with that category of men because a lot of them have enormous chips on their shoulder and just want to leech on you .

When i met my husband he was in between jobs and i made it clear to him that i would not date him until he got a job and till date he said that fact alone was one of the things he found appealing

mind you i was 35 at this time but i was not swayed by all the talk similar to what OP posted and i have no regrets for my decision at all .

Good but i will not allow advice any lady to follow your footstep cos she may regret it and you just probably killed the prospect in your man as explained above.

I can imagine dangotes gfriend way back giving him same condition you gave your man.

Job job job...no be small thing..abeg i will advice every lady to ask her man about his dreams and encourage him to follow it.

The only advice i give guys is that while pursuing your dreams you will naturally attract a woman who will stand by you and you dont have to drop your dream to get a job cos you want to marry a typical naija girl.

if your dream is to get a job please do and if not please dont ever give up that dream and as i wrote,you must get a lady who will flow with that dream.

seaga:
Well that depends on your philosophical approach to love.
Please what added advantage?

Money now

It is not philosophical

OP this your post they pinch plenty people for body... Nice job.

I talk say even if I get plenty money, I go still do low key wedding. Wetin this young girls want Dangote no go fit afford am.

I advice you read up properly on dangote . He was not from a poor home and his father gave him his first capital. His father was Alhaji Dantata

Just to add i did not kill his dream but i do not believe in folding your hands and dreaming and not having something to do at the moment.

With my support he has gone on to follow his dream and his day job actually served as a vehicle to him fufilling his dream

if a man at 40 is still waiting and dreaming pf prospect without having anything tangible doing all i can say is any woman who marries such a man has my symphaties .

The irony is these days men also do not want liability wives and most men often go for ladies who can actually bring home something finanacial . If men have become so analytical in their choice of partners i wonder why we still make women look bad when they aspire for some level of comfort

As i said earlier i put in a lot of sacrifice and hard work to better myself so no way would i have settled for a man who did not have his acts together .

Also working a 9-5 job actually provides some leverage when people decide to go out on there own . You would have learnt discipline , made some useful contacts and also learnt how to deal with people .

I always recommend people have even if its 1 year of formal employment before they start out on their own as this often determines if a business will fail or succeed

Trustworthiness:
Let me add to the op questions.

6. Ladies can you marry a married man.

I know most ladies will say he'll no to this question. But deep down in Thier heart, if a heavily rich guy that is married seek Thier hand in marriage, they would have said yes ten times before the guy complete the statements: would you marry me?

Looking at it statistically, the ratio of marriageable man to marriageable woman that are still single, the gab is wide. The ratio will be nothing less than 1 to 10. So, for every lady that got married 9 will not be married. So, if ladies decided not to practice polygamy but monogamy, they should not be surprised if at the end of the day some of them could get a man to marry them. Moreover, the ratio gap is increasing by the day.

Actually, we have more men than women but it evens out with time

daretodiffer:
Actually, we have more men than women but it evens out with time

That's not entirely true and you know it - Why are you deceiving your fellow women?

Truckpusher:
That's not entirely true and you know it - Why are you deceiving your fellow women?

I am not.

Uhm...

sheabutter1:
I can be rest assure that, you completely understand the op now , it require a lot of understanding to be outstanding .op's on point ..the No 3 point, simply means yes, iif you are ready to find a way to make it work out.

your no 5 point 's still on the illustration I made earlier ..if you can find it interesting seeking advice from older one , you could develop a feelings for him. just like Celin dion who got married to her Manager who's far older than her ..Marriage 's all about who we get connected for and makes us happy ..aside the materials things of the world. I drop my pen. gudnite!

Both you and the Op are not being logical at all. I find it quite disturbing that a lady would approve and comend whatever Op has written. Firstly,these are no suggestions or advices. They are points made to humiliate women that would naturally say No to majority of his questions. There are no fixed rules in marriage. I have seen people that answered No to these silly questions who are happily married and People that said Yes and are struggling to remain in marriage. You don't sit down and draw a silly list for Women and suggest that they might never marry if they don't adhere to your points.
There is nothing to understand,sorry!

double0seven:
first of all, I'm not your sis. I'm a guy

again from this answer, I can tell you are either small boy or a troubled soul.

A matured who has had relationships with women, and when talking about relationship with women with marriage in view won't be shouting mess , sc.rew, ban.g .....

you are still in your period of sexual fantasy.....na school mentality still dey your head.... that's it's full of images and words like fuc.k , scre.w etc...

silly small boy trying to dish advice to his aunties and bros

una people get time

Thank you. Reasonable men and women do not use such derogatory words to describe a sexual activity no matter the level of emphasis he is trying to create.
What we have he is misorgynist making attempts to infuse silly ideas in the minds of women while slaming people that don't share his opinion.
I pity the kind of women that will come here and run off with his points because they want to get married by all means possible. Talking about women like they are some sexual toy and manic is a huge Red flag on its own.

sheabutter1:
I never read where op stated your claim in your 2 point above, ..you know it's actually possible to date a guy in a room.? emotional spring up when we don't prepare for it. Assuming, you had mere friend (a guy) living in a room. you never had a mind of dating him. you just find it interesting holding talk with him, eventually, you both like each other, consequently , dating and making love to each other in in the so called in a room. All of a sudden, the guy propose to marry you , you turn him and your emotion down all because he didn't meet up the criteria , you want in a man. ..i believe , this is what I underderstood of the op's view

If that is how you understand it. Then it's not different from men that date women that are Lousy in the kitchen, Dirty and Lazy, Disrespectful and loud and suddenly realizes that she is not a ''wife material''. Why is he in a relationship with that women when he knows he can't marry her because she doesn't fit his standards? In this case,the society keeps a blind eye and even hail him for dumping such women.
So why is it Wrong and Shameful if a woman does the same thing in this case? It's still the same patriarchal double standards in the society. Just like a man can wake up and realize that he doesn't want that woman, a woman should be left to make her choice.

Your understanding and the Ops example are extreme cases. A woman who doesn't want a Poor man should never contemplate going for one,a woman who doesn't want a One room Apartment man should never date him. Everything boils down to choice,standards and being aware of what you want in a relationship and marriage.
The problem with the Ops post is that he is wrapped up in his own little world and thinks that saying No to these question will lead to a life of full spinsterhood.
In the real world out there, saying Yes to these questions without careful considerations will lead to a life of full regrets.

double0seven:
What is this one saying? Were you born yesterday? I beg go sit down.

As a matter of facts, this thing dey happen well well. Men have been known to jilt women that went through tough times with them.

That one is even before marriage. There is a jilting that happens even when the woman who went through tough times with him is already married to him.

He go just abandon her for one corner and starts having mistresses. I said mistress and not girlfriends. Mistresses are usually had one at a time. They may be changed as time goes on. This one happens to many of our mothers well well. The woman will just answering wife by name, but will have absolutely no hold on the man. All his love and time is for the mistress.

If you ve different ideas do you have to be cynical to issues and crude in your response. I said RESPONSIBLE men not ALL, so read properly before you criticize, besides successful men still cheat on their newly found wives too, so that doesn't prove anything.

It's a Sunday morning and i don't have the time to make an elaborate post but i will touch on a few things.
I have always maintained that this List is as Trashy as it comes,a check list made for those desperate women ready to let go off their preferences because they need to settle like their mates. It's a list that has an overwhelming appeal for those men who have no meaningful jobs but will still go after women when they can't afford 3 square meals for themselves.
There are no hard and fast rules to these sort of questions and saying No to all of them doesn't diminish your chances of getting married.
1. A Woman that can't be with a poor man in one room apartment has no business dating or being with him in the first place. If you must be with him,then get ready to work hard and help allievate his conditions.
The issue is that both men and women do not know what they want in a mate. You see a man date a woman with a bad character....few years later he realizes that she is not a Wife material. Why is he dating her in the first place? It boils down to what you want or wouldn't take.
Stay away from Broke men if you don't see yourself marrying him.
2. A struggling man with no regular job has no business looking for a wife. Every woman and wife needs some sort of Financial security and comfort. What is the point of bringing in a woman when you are unable to afford a decent life?
It's better to go for women that can live with you because every woman is not cut out for suffering and poverty. The problem is that men want the best but are not willing to be the best. If you must go for certain types of women then be ready to satisfy the needs and standards of those kind of women. Otherwise,just cut your coat according to your size and go for the low maintenance women that will be happy to be with you.
That is why you see many mechanics, artisans,farmers, palm wine tarpers, small business owners, school drop outs, masons, carpenters, plumbers happy married to their wives. People like this have no problem getting married because they go for women in their Social Strata who is ready to sleep on the floor with him. What sort of financial security or comfort does a man with an income of 30 thousand have to offer a female graduate who is unemployed or a woman who has suitors with a more balanced income?

Ihuomadinihu:
His points are entirely useless and inconsequential to people that want to get married. I believe that a woman shouldn't stay idle but should work and earn her money no matter how little. Even if the jobs are not forth coming,a single woman should develop herself mentally,socially,spiritual and otherwise. I lay huge emphasis on the mental aspect. Wise men are looking for intelligent women not some gullible lady who is desperate to be a Mrs.

you r right in ur last sentences bt nt all his points r useless. dts ur opinion u r entitled to it

Trustworthiness:
Well to you it is not a must, but to some ladies it is a must. I am talking from personal experience.

When I am still residing in a BQ self contained apartment with my wife and kid, my wife had little or no friends. When she is marketing her goods on fool and going about her product on bike, those ladies rearly buy goods from her.
Now see goes about with her product in an SUV car and they knew the BQ is now a duplex, they are not only buying things from her but making friends with her. From there they were asking her if she will even allow her husband to marry another woman.

So, I caution her to be careful with them, as their agenda is different. So many cases like that that involves singles ladies and the divorced inclusive.

ok noted

babie78:
I advice you read up properly on dangote . He was not from a poor home and his father gave him his first capital. His father was Alhaji Dantata

Actually Dantata was his grandfather and the person that gave him the money was his Uncle $50,000.00 cash FYI.

daretodiffer:
Money now

It is not philosophical

Money:my dear it's only a lazy woman who will be relying on such, we are in the 21st century women with high standards are achieving alot, and don't need peanuts that can't make them from men.I suggest you gear up to become those women.
Philosophical:says who, check archives on philosophers definition of it

3. A man with no regular source of income is equal to a struggling man. What are the odds that this man will have a sustaintable job when he finally marries you? How are you sure that he can take care of your kids with that unstable job when they finally arrive? There are no IF'S AND BUT'S here.
Every resonable man should first secure some sort of balance in his life and finances before going for women to avoid unforseen circumstances in future. Through out the world, a man with no viable source of income going for a wife is seen as Unserious and Unreasonable. Any woman that chooses to be with this kind of man, MUST be gainfully employed to complement him.
4. A Small or Big wedding is totally dependent on the Couple involved and not on the Op.
These days, small weddings packaged very well come out very tasteful and classy. So it's possible to make a modest budget and throw a big wedding or party if that is what you want. You can have a Big Tacky Wedding or a Small Mindblowing Wedding. Everything boils down to the taste and standards of the couple. It's not even a Yes or No,Sorry!

I would like to hover a little on the Igbo tradutional marriage.
In Igbo culture,there are items on the marriage list which are compulsory and should be fulfilled before a woman is given away to a man. This list is also open to negotiations,that is why you need an experienced and wise kinsman in your entourage before you to meet your in laws. There are no fast rules in Igbo marriage,what is obtainable in Imo might not be acceptable in Abia. It boils down to negotiations between the two families.
You get married once and for all, having a court wedding and waiting till you have money to for white wedding doesn't make sense. That is why you see heavily pregnant brides or women with four kids on the marriage altar. If you are a man,get a decent job and plan a decent Court, Trad and White marriage before Co habiting with a ''wife''.

why not, if not but that no 4...............

seaga:
Money:my dear it's only a lazy woman who will be relying on such, we are in the 21st century women with high standards are achieving alot, and don't need peanuts that can't make them from men.I suggest you gear up to become those women.
Philosophical:says who, check archives on philosophers definition of it

You are in lalaland

There are many ric, classy, decent and hardworking women who wouldn't marry a poor guy.

Trust me I would know,