₦airaland Forum

Laveda:
Hey ....Sweery .....you said it all already Na u....

i've sooooo missed you ooh.

rhed:
hi guys! too many questions keep taunting me! i don't know what to do! i had a bf and we were for 5 years. but the nightmare started coming to us. he got married to another woman after he left the country for work and i was left alone. at the beginning i thought it ws ok for me but a month later, i felt the emptiness and worst i went to his wedding far from the church just to see him how was he! i know its like i ws stabbing my own heart but i wanna see him that day! i was angry, pitying myself, blamed myself for what happened to our relationship! til i told to myself, i will find someone who is better than him. but unfortunately, i entertained suitors and let my heart open for another relationship but i found myself kept them hoping and suddenly turning them down. i hate myself ! i feel like i ws takin my revenge in other persona, i know this is wrong so i stop accepting suitors. i got myself busy in work and 18 years have been past,i didnt get married within such long years! I miss him but he is happily married and family man now The ironic is he recently added me to his Facebook! For What?! I don't wanna be a home-wrecker!
I really wanted to talk to him but i guessed he doesn't want to talk about it! I did some crazy things and i know i should not to do such as:
1) I greet him during his birthday..
2) I used to look on his profile to know how is he..
3) I always wanted to talk about him..
4) I always find the way to know if he is coming home for visit in our country..
I should stop myself to do such crazy things and move on for God sake but i cant! AM I SICK or CRAZY?! Should i let him know what is going on with me? Should i tell him that i still care for him and missing him?
I think talking to him and knowing his answer would satisfy and would stop my craziness and can be moved on from this curse! If he tells me directly to me that he doesn't love me anymore and he is happy in his life now.. then i will be relieved! if he tells me that he still loves me.. i would tell him to stop loving me anymore.. then i will be relieved! WEIRD but i guess this will help me a lot. I am having this burden for 18 years for God's sake! I envied people who are easily movin on so fast! I even jailed myself for this non-sense feelings! BUT WHAT WILL I DO?~
Anyone can light me up? Am i worse than lunatic prson? Can i go out from this feelings? The hurts still deep inside me!

harsysky:
I couldn't just get past this tHread without dropping one or two comments. I don't know exactly how you feel, rhed, eventhough some of us here have been heartbroken at one stage in our lives, we didn't spend upto the number years you'd stayed with the guy.

One thing the world has taught me is that I shouldn't mind the time I've wasted; it's just irrelevant! I owe myself every happiness there is in this world , and the moment I neglect that very duty to my humble self, I suffer for it.

Secondly, there is nothing like love. I have seen people who loved each other at first sight ,and thought they were meant to be forever, but to no avail. I would reiterate, " there is nothing like love." I am gonna explain it. When I say there is nothing like love, what I simply mean is that "love is an entity". It is always there staring at us ,because it's a seed. if one says " this is my love at first sight" there is actually no love, it's attraction. We often mistaken attraction for love and vice versa. Love is built; it is fed. that's why you can't just meet a girl or a guy and siMply say I don't love him or her when there is no chance given.

I pray and hope you become happier again , rhed. it's possible, nothing is impossible as far as I'm concerned. God's ur strength.

Nubian113:
The one relationship you need to nurture is the relationship you have with yourself... It's not closure you seek in contacting him, it's pleasure because your comfort zone is pain.

Through counseling I've learnt that the brain is just a machine that works on repetition and recognition and our sub conscious mind feeds this machine. If our sub conscious mind harbours pain such as fear ( in ur case a huge fear of abandonment) it tries to protect us by locking us in so as to speak. Then the brain goes into repetition mode and I think that's where you've been stuck.

What I'm saying is quit using this man as a distraction from spending time in your own skin and use this energy your wasting on him to better understand your needs. Rekindle a loving relationship with yourself because loving yourself unconditionally will automatically put you off anyone who doesn't have your best interests at heart.

You said your last attempt at a relationship was a lookalike of him, well once you start to forgive, nourish and love yourself, trust me he will be the yardstick by which you will judge men you don't want in your life. Instead of looking for another him you'll run screaming from his type because you'll have zero tolerance for pain.

Make 2016 Your year of self preservation and self care. Then good men will radiate towards you.

idu1:
rhed, let me marry you

rhed:
thank you so much! actually, i do not close my heart to fall in love again.. but why i couldnt escape from my comfort zone? the feeling of being cheated again is my greatest fear! i want to be happy too.. and happiness is a choice i know...

all the words that i have been received from here make me analyze everything.. and i realized that i lost half of my life for being so coward facing and explore what the happiness and life can bring..

rhed:

harsysky:
you're in a world that's synonymous with risk. Believe me you could be cheated again and again and again, but you know what, it makes you a very strong lady, one who has come to realize that risk- taking is the sole thing that differentiates every being.

Don't be afraid of being heartbroken. Ask people on here how many times they've been heartbroken and you would realise the ones who have been more than thrice are stronger than those who are just once, heartbroken. I forgot to mention ,too, that some are mentally stronger than others. You're mentally stronger now believe it or leave it. It's not easy to come on here (Nairaland) to narrate this story of yours; it shows you're a strong lady.

I believe men still approach you now , give them a chance. I trust you know my giving them a chance isn't the same as sLeeping with them. Don't be afraid, the system we are all in hates people who are afraid ,and doesn't hesitate snuffing them. It's Well!

rhed:
yeah, thanks a lot! i would do my very best to apply all those kind words in me.. i know.. it would be difficult to apply within myself than to listen and realize the words.. but takin' me to this site and ask for some advise it is great advantage and get enough courage and realize.. it is a big of help. i admit.. i have never been received such advises but only here.. though i knw i could have been thought too for myself but it it is different if i heard it from others mouth. i mean there's an impact... Maybe being a "loner" most of the time makes a big contribution to be stucked up on my comfort zone.. i do mingle with others but loved more to be alone. i do have a lot of friends, but i am a private person.. i thought, i would forget him once i go out the country but that doesn't make any difference. i met different type of people here and went out for a date but still.. haisssttt!

harsysky:
I wish you the best soonest,Rhed, and I don't care how God does it.

KimBerlyie:
Lol same here bae

Laveda:


where and how have you been?subed yet? Tried reaching you the other way

rhed:
awwwtss! evry single word you said like a bell echoed on my ears & brain! it made me stopped and stared in ceiling! but i appreciate much for the kind words.. thanks a lot!

andromida:
Awwww i get it but the way i see it there is no unfinished business he chose his wife for whatever reason don't try to analyze him or know the why of what. Just stay with what is real he chose her. Why do you need to be hurt again before you can move on? Nothing stops you from crawling from the pain if you can't walk away from it. You can be gentle with yourself as you crawl away there is no one to impress except yourself. The unfinished business is just a feeling.

But if the only way you can free yourself is one last conversation then do it but just remember your comfort zone seems to be pain and sadness calling him so he can tell you its over is going back to pain not moving away from it. I hope you find courage to move away from it.

rhed:
hi guys! too many questions keep taunting me! i don't know what to do! i had a bf and we were for 5 years. but the nightmare started coming to us. he got married to another woman after he left the country for work and i was left alone. at the beginning i thought it ws ok for me but a month later, i felt the emptiness and worst i went to his wedding far from the church just to see him how was he! i know its like i ws stabbing my own heart but i wanna see him that day! i was angry, pitying myself, blamed myself for what happened to our relationship! til i told to myself, i will find someone who is better than him. but unfortunately, i entertained suitors and let my heart open for another relationship but i found myself kept them hoping and suddenly turning them down. i hate myself ! i feel like i ws takin my revenge in other persona, i know this is wrong so i stop accepting suitors. i got myself busy in work and 18 years have been past,i didnt get married within such long years! I miss him but he is happily married and family man now The ironic is he recently added me to his Facebook! For What?! I don't wanna be a home-wrecker!
I really wanted to talk to him but i guessed he doesn't want to talk about it! I did some crazy things and i know i should not to do such as:
1) I greet him during his birthday..
2) I used to look on his profile to know how is he..
3) I always wanted to talk about him..
4) I always find the way to know if he is coming home for visit in our country..
I should stop myself to do such crazy things and move on for God sake but i cant! AM I SICK or CRAZY?! Should i let him know what is going on with me? Should i tell him that i still care for him and missing him?
I think talking to him and knowing his answer would satisfy and would stop my craziness and can be moved on from this curse! If he tells me directly to me that he doesn't love me anymore and he is happy in his life now.. then i will be relieved! if he tells me that he still loves me.. i would tell him to stop loving me anymore.. then i will be relieved! WEIRD but i guess this will help me a lot. I am having this burden for 18 years for God's sake! I envied people who are easily movin on so fast! I even jailed myself for this non-sense feelings! BUT WHAT WILL I DO?~
Anyone can light me up? Am i worse than lunatic prson? Can i go out from this feelings? The hurts still deep inside me!

rhed:

Estharfabian:
Actually, Yes! You're sick and Crazy!

Clinging to someone who's married? Someone who left You to marry someone else? After 18years??


Girl, This isn't just Stupidity....It's psychopathy, absurdity, And MADNESS!!!

U need psychotherapy...

jemype:
5 yrs. is a real long tym tho naa.any lady would b traumatized

rhed:
hi guys! too many questions keep taunting me! i don't know what to do! i had a bf and we were for 5 years. but the nightmare started coming to us. he got married to another woman after he left the country for work and i was left alone. at the beginning i thought it ws ok for me but a month later, i felt the emptiness and worst i went to his wedding far from the church just to see him how was he! i know its like i ws stabbing my own heart but i wanna see him that day! i was angry, pitying myself, blamed myself for what happened to our relationship! til i told to myself, i will find someone who is better than him. but unfortunately, i entertained suitors and let my heart open for another relationship but i found myself kept them hoping and suddenly turning them down. i hate myself ! i feel like i ws takin my revenge in other persona, i know this is wrong so i stop accepting suitors. i got myself busy in work and 18 years have been past,i didnt get married within such long years! I miss him but he is happily married and family man now The ironic is he recently added me to his Facebook! For What?! I don't wanna be a home-wrecker!
I really wanted to talk to him but i guessed he doesn't want to talk about it! I did some crazy things and i know i should not to do such as:
1) I greet him during his birthday..
2) I used to look on his profile to know how is he..
3) I always wanted to talk about him..
4) I always find the way to know if he is coming home for visit in our country..
I should stop myself to do such crazy things and move on for God sake but i cant! AM I SICK or CRAZY?! Should i let him know what is going on with me? Should i tell him that i still care for him and missing him?
I think talking to him and knowing his answer would satisfy and would stop my craziness and can be moved on from this curse! If he tells me directly to me that he doesn't love me anymore and he is happy in his life now.. then i will be relieved! if he tells me that he still loves me.. i would tell him to stop loving me anymore.. then i will be relieved! WEIRD but i guess this will help me a lot. I am having this burden for 18 years for God's sake! I envied people who are easily movin on so fast! I even jailed myself for this non-sense feelings! BUT WHAT WILL I DO?~
Anyone can light me up? Am i worse than lunatic prson? Can i go out from this feelings? The hurts still deep inside me!