PresVA:
I seriously think the problem is your nationality. . It's so hard for an Igbo guy to marry outside his tribe, how much more outside his country.

Actually, this is no longer so true. It is hard for an Igbo guy to marry outside his tribe if the girl is a Nigerian from another tribe. But they find it easier to marry white girls. Go to festac and see all the white ladies with cornrows walking around with their children. A lot of Europeans and Asians ladies. Even in the U.S. it's more common to see an Igbo dude marry outside his race than another nigerian tribe. They'd propose to their German/Lithuanian girlfriend faster than they'd propose to their Yoruba/MiddleBelter girlfriend.

She won't listen, someone is trying to save her from wasting any more years of her life on top the two years she no go gree, she will now waste more time and when he finally marries the lady he really wants she will join " I hate Nigerian men" support group.

Leave her, make she go join church worker, twist and turn yourself into something you are not. You can't bribe him into loving you.

A man who loves you will be concerned about your salvation too if salvation is the issue, he won't dump you because he is now " saved", he will want you to experience his new life with him and grow together. The man doesn't love you but trust women to love to deceive themselves

Take this from another oyinbo...you have been duped. Had he been serious he would have brought you to his church ever since and involve you prior to this born again stuff. Even though he never gave u other reason to suspect him or that you were a side babe...doesnt mean it wasnt happening. Just rejoice in the fact you never married or have kids together and live life jare.

Not even cooking all the world ofe onugbu (bitter leaf soup) would bring him back. If you force him to come back, you'll have yourself to blame. Let him go.
Don't start joining and taking up a role in his church just to win him back. Your own african brother is on the way. Ofe ose hot sistah, we ri nwayo.

What/which RCCG parish mandated that rule?

Very laughable..

Move on sweetie, you've just been resolved of a serious future agony that may leave you psychologically deranged.

Thank your stars even, I celebrate with you my dear.

AnnaOyibo hi, sorry to hear about your plight. And even sorrier to have to say, that like many have said, you really do need to consider letting this go - although I disagree with the pre-dominant reason given. More on that later

Having said that, there is a glimmer of hope, but not sufficient to warrant your believing you'll ultimately get what you desire from this relationship. Again, more on that later.

Bennyrazz was IMHO closest to the mark; https://www.nairaland.com/2826088/oyinbo-girl-seeking-advice#41389827. And you did well to discern that and respond accordingly.

In your OP, you asked to hear from any who had been in a similar situation. Many who have responded, if termed Christian at all, are not Christians of deep conviction or faith. Nigerians can be cynical and harsh, and in some cases rightly so. That is what you've felt here. Sorry for that also.

A true conversion experience can be very deep, and bring with it a stark realisation of sin. I appreciate your relationship was full and intense, but from his new perspective, it was one of fornication. You must understand that, and why he does not want to resume where you left off. Don;t be upset, or beat yourself up over it, it is what it is.

Indeed, the deeper he journeys into his faith, the more what you had will be anathema to him. All the things you think made you a great person, and the two of you a great couple will not play as well in his new mindset, especially if those qualities do not come wrapped up in like belief.

If his is a true conversion, you have not been duped, neither is it about race, or his tribe; the truth is, the more cosmopolitan Nigerian families are more about class and background than tribe. I am Yoruba, and how many Nnamdis and Adaobis do we have? Let alone names from tribes I can barely recall? The whole tribal thing is more a hallmark of the proletariat.

On conversion, "old things pass away, all things become new". And therein also lies your slim hope. If you tread the same path, there is a chance you can once again become a couple. And although in a new way and with totally different parameters, your aspirations of marriage and children will still be possible, and if anything, fuller and more promising.

But even becoming born-again, and attending the same church is no guarantee. Indeed, if you do become born-again, you yourself will see what you had differently and your paths may diverge even further. And becoming born-again solely in order to rekindle your relationship will at best bring you back to the beginning of this paragraph and at worse, present a whole new set of issues.

All the best, but I really feel it is "as The Lord wills" from here on in.


TV

bennyrazz:

@AnnaOyibo

Even if mr.A is born again, he still has to marry. The issue mr.A has is cohabitation, premarital sex especially when he is now born again. He has done that with you and peradventure if he is to marry you today, you both have to face the marriage committee of the church and they will ask both of you some few questions like have you had sex before, are you cohabiting etc the point is, it is not that he does not love you but he is in a dilemma. He asked for friendship because he wants a clean slate. Give him a break. What you can do now is to find out the branch of RCCG he goes to, try and attend there. Give your life to Christ and start by being a worker in the church. But of cause, the issue with your work and relocating back to Britain

All these firm protocols In same UK RCCG?

C.A.C or Deeper life/MFM , I can relate but RCCG?? WHAT YEYE DILEMMA ?

Please ..


He wants a clean slate (fresh born again virgin)? yes = He's done with her. End of.

But he will definitely reap what he sowed in that young girls life. Because he owed it to her his true intent. Otherwise , his born again charade is just baloney.

TV01 okay oh .. 'Not a Christian of deep conviction and faith' . Thank Godness this same God we both serve answers my cries & requests whenever I call upon his name. Lobatan Compliments of the season.

PresVA:
I seriously think the problem is your nationality. . It's so hard for an Igbo guy to marry outside his tribe, how much more outside his country. .Except Ofcourse his family isn't deeply rooted in tradition; I really doubt though, since they live in Naija. .


All d best Oyibo, whatever happens just be happy. . There are other great guys! No need beating yourself since you played your part well!

Not totally true. I am igbo(Anambra) and married to an Akwa ibomite.

It's choice and personal decision. If a grown man cannot make his decision and stick to it, I wonder what he is doing with a lady

Ewuro4:


All these firm protocols In same UK RCCG?

C.A.C or Deeper life/MFM , I can relate but RCCG?? WHAT YEYE DILEMMA ?

Please ..


He wants a clean slate (fresh born again virgin)? yes = He's done with her. End of.

But he will definitely reap what he sowed in that young girls life. Because he owed it to her his true intent. Otherwise , his born again charade is just baloney.

everybody in life will reap whatever they sow in people's life. It is very dangerous to promise a woman marriage all because you want to sleep with her, it is even more dangerous if the woman aborts or terminates a pregnancy that might have resulted from the illicit affair.

When the bible said, "a man will leave is father's house and mother and cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh" what do you think it meant? It meant Sex. The Bible is against formication aka premarital sex because during the process of sex especially in the climax stages, half of the woman comes out, half of the man comes out and at that point the half's becomes one. The whole process of sexual intercourse is like a deep spiritual blood covenant.

Now dumping AnnaOyibo because he is now born again would only make him a liar and a deceiver hiding under the guise of being born-again. He would have caused her so much pains that even if she doesn't say a thing to him. The curse of hurting people deeply would have been triggered.

The only excuse he can give to leave the relationship is if AnnaOyibo is not ready to tow the line of rededicating her life to Jesus. Then he can claim "The Bible says be unequally yoke with an unbeliever"

But what of if Annaoyibo pretends to be born again? and after marriage, goes back to her old self? there are so many questions that only God can answer.

But like I wrote earlier, the process of being born-again is very long, you have to stop some things, you need to drop things that would remind you of your old self. That was why I told her that, Mr.A needs to see her from another angle of being a true christian especially when he told her that they can be best friends.

Ewuro4:
TV01 okay oh .. 'Not a Christian of deep conviction and faith' . Thank Godness this same God we both serve answers my cries & requests whenever I call upon his name. Lobatan Compliments of the season.

...why did this strike a chord with you? Quite odd, most especially since God answers your cries and requests? If you had any concerns, the obvious thing to do would have been to take whatever struck you to Him, no? Compliments of the season.

To buttress my earlier submission;
Both parties in this were ostensibly Christians before any of this transpired, no? He a Catholic, she a Lutheran. I know of no Christian sect or denomination, or even a plain reading of the bible, that teaches shacking up and pre-marital sex are fine, let alone Christlike.

AO herself confessed she had not been living her beliefs. And A had never taken her to worship, almost certainly because his conscience convicted him that their situation was wrong. Call it what you will,that is cultural, conditional, but certainly not convictional. I'd be remiss if in order to please, I made a lie. Let everyone who claims Christian search their own conscience

If there are any posters who identify as Christian, and who believe their situation was scripturally permissible, I'd be most interested in hearing why. Other than there may be grace for a time immediately post-conversion, quite quickly, the sinfulness of the situation would be clear and he would have to take steps to rectify the situation, or conviction would set in.

AO asked for input from those who had a "similar experience" - and whether termed born-again, repentance (of/from sin), or conversion - this experience comes with strong conviction and transformation. Previously, they were at best culturally Christian, after his epiphany, he became a Christian of conviction. It's elementary.

In Nigeria, as everywhere actually, there are a range of people who identify as Christians for any number of reasons. However, their actions, reasoning and utterances are far removed from what could be considered orthodox Christian belief, let alone a Christianity of deep conviction. The Bible itself says as much - repeatedly. Everyone who calls on the name of The Lord departs from sin.

You've either had it or you haven't. And yes, I appreciate that the experience and the journey can be markedly different for each person, but the conviction and transformation will at some point be apparent. If he is not indeed playing her for any of the reasons repeatedly stated on this thread, and his deepening faith is real, then this cannot just be treated as a relationship issue. His faith is now his primary motivator, not his feelings.

Are these quotes from Christians let alone Christians of conviction?

ronald4lif:
Transforming to a born again doesn't stop one from barring their woman to spend time with them nor living together.

BuddhaPalm:
If a man really wants you, he might not care if you worship Baal.

Miami11:
no church, nor salvation makes one dump someone because of renewed faith Or salvation

Judge for yourselves.


TV

^{Matthew 7:21 [ True and False Disciples ] “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.}

TV01:

...why did this strike a chord with you? Quite odd, most especially since God answers your cries and requests? If you had any concerns, the obvious thing to do would have been to take whatever struck you to Him, no? Compliments of the season

Calling other posters' submissions that aren't in sync with yours an unbeliever somewhat struck a chord.

Taking trivial 'concerns' to my God is what Christains without deep convictions & Faith do.

You have a good one!

Ewuro4:
Calling other posters' submissions that aren't in sync with yours an unbeliever somewhat struck a chord.

Taking trivial 'concerns' to my God is what Christains without deep convictions & Faith do.

You have a good one!

That still seems odd for a number of reasons;

1. I was not referring to anyone in particular, but views that reflect no evidence of, or do not acknowledge, the transforming power of conversion.
2. You hadn't actually posted when I wrote, so why should it resonate with you?
3. You claim to have a relationship with God, why should what I have to say about my beliefs on true Christian practice bother you?

You are free to believe, say and practice what you feel. I also have that right. And I choose to exercise it without paying lip service, or being mealy-mouthed so as not to cause offence; that's exactly what the gospel is, offensive.

You may well feel that everyone that calls themselves Christian is one, or that calling oneself Christian sanctifies anything one does. Fine, but I don't. I call it as I see it, and fully appreciate that judgement is with God, hence my point about taking it to Him. I don't justify or condemn, just state my beliefs.

A was a Christian/Catholic before he became born again right? So why was a conversion/transformation ever required? AO is a Christian/Lutheran no? So why is there a problem.

Apologies for the long post, but to be clear to those reading. And I never called anyone an unbeliever.

Godspeed


TV

TV01:

That still seems odd for a number of reasons;

1. I was not referring to anyone in particular, but views that reflect no evidence of, or do not acknowledge, the transforming power of conversion.
2. You hadn't actually posted when I wrote, so why should it resonate with you?
3. You claim to have a relationship with God, why should what I have to say about my beliefs on true Christian practice bother you?

You are free to believe, say and practice what you feel. I also have that right. And I choose to exercise it without paying lip service, or being mealy-mouthed so as not to cause offence; that's exactly what the gospel is, offensive.

You may well feel that everyone that calls themselves Christian is one, or that calling oneself Christian sanctifies anything one does. Fine, but I don't. I call it as I see it, and fully appreciate that judgement is with God, hence my point about taking it to Him. I don't justify or condemn, just state my beliefs.

A was a Christian/Catholic before he became born again right? So why was a conversion/transformation ever required? AO is a Christian/Lutheran no? So why is there a problem.

Apologies for the long post, but to be clear to those reading. And I never called anyone an unbeliever.

Godspeed


TV

TV, you hurt my feelings but I forgive you coz that's what Jesus would do. You posted right after mine hence the 'struck chord'

1. True, You didn't refer to anyone in particular but your blanket statement where you made reference to posters ( myself included) as Christians without deep convictions and Faith, did.

2. Again, I already posted prior to your post in question . So it got to me.

3. My relationship with God doesn't have anything to do with my reaction to comments that questions my Faith. I have the right to react to any inappropriate statement(s) about my relationship with him, I'm only human.


Why was Transformation required? ... I don't know. Maybe you can shed more light to that aspect of different kinds of Christianity. And how born again Christains are superiors and guaranteed Heaven recipients. While others aren't fit for heaven because they didn't renounce their sins and accept Christ as their personal Lord and saviour in church. My spouse was born into baptist and still is, that doesn't make him non-born again. Lutheran & Catholic Churches don't preach cohabitation/sex before marriage so Mr.A just postulated Yeye grounds to dissolve the relationship instead of changing his immoral way of life with his girlfriend and move on.

RCCG, Lutheran , Catholic, CAC, MFMite, Alliance, Pentecost... Let God Almighty be the Judge of whom will enter His kingdom , or isn't that what we (believers/ Christ followers) Seek and thrive for?

Ewuro4:


TV, you hurt my feelings but I forgive you coz that's what Jesus would do. You posted right after mine hence the 'struck chord'

1. True, You didn't refer to anyone in particular but your blanket statement where you made reference to posters ( myself included) as Christians without deep convictions and Faith, did.

2. Again, I already posted prior to your post in question . So it got to me.

3. My relationship with God doesn't have anything to do with my reaction to comments that questions my Faith. I have the right to react to any inappropriate statement(s) about my relationship with him, I'm only human.


Why was Transformation required? ... I don't know. Maybe you can shed more light to that aspect of different kinds of Christianity. And how born again Christains are superiors and guaranteed Heaven recipients. While others aren't fit for heaven because they didn't renounce their sins and accept Christ as their personal Lord and saviour in church. My spouse was born into baptist and still is, that doesn't make him non-born again. Lutheran & Catholic Churches don't preach cohabitation/sex before marriage so Mr.A just postulated Yeye grounds to dissolve the relationship instead of changing his immoral way of life with his girlfriend and move on.

RCCG, Lutheran , Catholic, CAC, MFMite, Alliance, Pentecost... Let God Almighty be the Judge of whom will enter His kingdom , or isn't that what we (believers/ Christ followers) Seek and thrive for?

Aunty Ewuro4 you are sighted oo. Happy New Year sis.

taryour:


Aunty Ewuro4 you are sighted oo. Happy New Year sis.

I hail you sis.. Compliments to you and ALL yours dearie

...ok J, because it's you.

Ewuro4:
TV, you hurt my feelings but I forgive you coz that's what Jesus would do. You posted right after mine hence the 'struck chord'

There was no intention to hurt anyones feelings, not least yours. I stand by what I wrote, and will explain further, but ma' binu jor

Ewuro4:
1. True, You didn't refer to anyone in particular but your blanket statement where you made reference to posters ( myself included) as Christians without deep convictions and Faith, did.

I didn't make a blanket statement, I said "most". I couldn't have made a blanket statement, as I referenced and agreed with bennyrazz' post, and any in a similar vein.

The "he is deceiving you and using born-again as an excuse" is an obvious possibility, but I suspect he really has made that change and felt the conviction. How easy is it for a Catholic to become a Pentecostal? If it is deceit, there are easier ways to go about it. A true change may actually means he sees AO as a source of sin, so will likely avoid, or even "dislike" her as a result.

Ewuro4:
2. Again, I already posted prior to your post in question. So it got to me.

I honestly didn't notice. I saw the thread when it first went up, but was occupied with home runs and dealing with Coco and co. Cococo . Because of interruptions and distractions, it can take a while for me to put together a post and submit it. I actually did'nt notice you had posted, let alone before I did

Ewuro4:
3. My relationship with God doesn't have anything to do with my reaction to comments that questions my Faith. I have the right to react to any inappropriate statement(s) about my relationship with him, I'm only human.

The views I post are of my faith, and how I understand Christianity. If they are contrary to anyone else's, they can be ignored, countered or challenged.

I am not PC enough to couch my beliefs so as to not offend, especially if it means being anything other than clear. Like I said, if you are upset because you feel I targeted you, no I did not, but no vex (my targets know who they are . If you are peeved because you don't agree, I can offer no more solace that to ask that you take it as a difference of opinion.

From the personal to the doctrinal

Ewuro4:
Why was Transformation required? ...

In short, because that is exactly what Christianity promises - and demands.

Ewuro4:
I don't know. Maybe you can shed more light to that aspect of different kinds of Christianity.

I don't see "kinds" - and I'm not a denominationalist - what I referenced here and the way I see it, is more a question of degree. At one end, you have those who may well label themselves Christian, but in reality conduct themselves no different from those who are not, and on the other, those who live and breathe their faith - and not by agidi, but by grace and the transforming power of Christ.

I have a mantra - "I don't judge because I cannot justify, and I don't condemn, because I cannot save". But judge in the sense that I know final judgement lies with Christ, as does Salvation.

But that does not mean I cannot give judgement (an opinion if you like) on a situation. Two people having sex out of wedlock is fornication. That's bible. Adulterers, it goes on to say, will not make the kingdom of heaven. If anyone is uncomfortable with that, they can speak to the Editor !

That is not an eternal judgement or condemnation to hell. Have I even said I believe in eternal torment? I have no idea how or where they will end up. Indeed, I know that God is not willing that any should perish". His mercy is boundless, but not to be taken for granted.

Ewuro4:
And how born again Christains are superiors and guaranteed Heaven recipients. While others aren't fit for heaven because they didn't renounce their sins and accept Christ as their personal Lord and saviour in church.

Here you've lost me, but I hope you take my point about degrees? Whether termed born-again, or conversion, or repentance of/from sin, whether immediate or gradual, there will be a transformation. Chief amongst them a distaste for anything sinful, or to put it another way, anything that displeases God.

And whilst I'm sure it can happen in church, that was not the case for me. I wouldn't even think that an actual declaration is required, rather a heartfelt acceptance and belief. And yes bible scholars, I know it says "believe in your heart and confess with your mouth", but I believe the confession may and can be ongoing

Some people see the terms as meaning the same thing. I don't. I see fully born-again at the end of the journey, and salvation at the beginning, hence the degrees I spoke of, with a danger of falling away in-between. Hence, I don't really subscribe to "once saved always saved, if born-again is placed at the start of the journey.

Ewuro4:
My spouse was born into baptist and still is, that doesn't make him non-born again.

I believe being born Christian is great and a distinct advantage - but at some point one has to make a personal decision or acknowledgement. I am not, in my belief, prescriptive about how that happens. John 1:13

Ewuro4:
RCCG, Lutheran , Catholic, CAC, MFMite, Alliance, Pentecost... Let God Almighty be the Judge of whom will enter His kingdom , or isn't that what we (believers/ Christ followers) Seek and thrive for?

Like I said, I am not a denominationalist - and I agree, I doubt that God is either. The bible says "The Lord knows those who are His". It ends thus; “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.”

Ewuro4:
Lutheran & Catholic Churches don't preach cohabitation/sex before marriage so Mr.A just postulated Yeye grounds to dissolve the relationship instead of changing his immoral way of life with his girlfriend and move on.

I moved this as it speaks to the OP. Like I said, Belonging to a denomination, or enunciating a creed, does not mean one is living the Christian life. A has now undergone that conversion and wants to - is convicted to - live it more fully, it's that simple.

It's not about what any church preaches, it's about what an individual practices, based on their beliefs. To be clear, I do not believe being a Catholic, Lutheran etc. does not in itself save. And as much as I would never be a Catholic, and strongly disagree with some of their doctrines, I honestly believe The Lord knows those who are His within the Catholic church. Same for all other denominations.


I hope this has clarified somewhat. Didn't want to get too theologically heavy. Happy to discuss further if you'd like.

Off to the gym, will be back on in 3 or 4 hours.


TV