₦airaland Forum

AstuteJ:
I need your candid advice on how to handle the various cases of infidelity against my wife. We have been married for 10 years with kids and I have never had any reason to doubt her until the following incidents began to unfold;

1. Sometimes in 2012, I took her to the market on a Sunday morning. She left her phone inside the car while she went into the market. A message dropped and I picked her phone to check, what I saw was a joystick sent by one of her BBM contacts. I dropped the phone aand pretended I dint see anything. When she came back, she checked the phone, saw the picture, deleted it and pretended nothing happened.

I waited for like 5hours to be sure she wasn't going to talk about it before bringing it up. She claimed it was sent in error and went ahead to call the guy to register her displeasure. I believed her and laid the matter to rest.

2. About six months later, I was out of the country. She called about 6pm that she needed to drop some items for a client at City Mall, little did I know she went to meet a man at Swe bar. I got back some days later and noticed she was all over her phone chatting and smiling while I was talking to her. I took the phone from her to see whom she was chatting it. All the previous chats had been deleted and I continued chatting with the guy. I could not flow well because the guy was coding and suspected he wasn't chatting with the right person.

I went through her phone for any prior message between them and I saw an SMS she sent to him at about 11:45pm the day she went to City Mall; "I just got home, please call if you can"! I did further findings before she confessed she went to meet with the guy at Swe bar and had to call to lis to me in case she runs into one of my friends. She claimed the guy is an old friend and had issues in his marriage, so she turned a marriage counsellor overnight to go solve the issues.

3. While I was still with her phone, the guy that sent his joystick pinged and I started chatting with him. The guy went very romantic and I cautioned him not to put me in trouble like he did when he sent an unsolicited pix of his joystick. The guy went "Ah Stella, but you asked me to send it na, have you forgotten? That you even sent me a pix of your laps taken in a dark room when I asked for yours"! I was speechless! He went "and you said you told your hubby it was sent in error and he believed you". I confronted my wife with all these and she still had some "stories" to tell.

4. We were at her Mum's place two years ago and she got a call, she told the fellow to come see her there. Her ex came in some minutes later to the warm embrace of the mum. We greeted and he wasted no time to settle in and joined the discussion on ground. The last time I saw him was before we got married and she claimed they never dated. The guy talked about his wife, how poor she is in home keeping, in the kitchen. on bed etc. My wife cut in "and this lady is supposed to be enjoying Andy o, cos I remember Andy knows how to take care of a woman, each time he came visiting in the university days, he always came with bags full of goodies". She even suggested seeing the woman to advise her and the guy said "no you are not in the best position to do that, you know she is not too comfortable with you".

All these happened right in the presence of my mother in law and I kept my calm all through. We left there after the show of shame and I warned her to cut all communications with the guy.

5. Few weeks later, same guy came to our church to worship. After the service wifey told me his kids would like to follow us home to meet our kids; I did not respond. Her mum and aunt was also in the church same Sunday and I drove them and my wife straight to my house. The guy drove behind. We got home, wifey went to the kitchen to cook, her mum and aunt settled in to a good gist with this guy in my own very living room. I picked my keys and left the house for them. I returned late in the night when they had all left and you can guess what happened afterwards.

6. I was with her phone few weeks later and another ex bumped in. "My baby, how are you doing, I have missed you bla bla bla". He requested they meet somewhere on the mainland two days later! After taking a second look at the unsaved number, I remembered the number had sent her an SMS; "can I call you now" about twice in the past. the second time I saw the SMS, I called the number with her phone but the guy refused to pick all thru the day!

7. Last Christmas dat, she gave me her phone to check something on her whatsapp and a chat came in from a guy I have been monitoring his number for a while. The excerpt of the chat is below (I took over the chat from the line he asked for her pix).

5/12/2015, 7:51 am - sy: May d joy of Xmas be for u and ur family IJN
25/12/2015, 7:52 am - sy: Enjoy ur day
25/12/2015, 11:08 am - Jimmyeatery: snap i wanna see yur Sexy look
25/12/2015, 11:09 am - Jimmyeatery: I hope youre alone
25/12/2015, 11:09 am - sy: Lol
25/12/2015, 11:09 am - sy: Yes
25/12/2015, 11:09 am - Jimmyeatery: Plsssssss
25/12/2015, 11:10 am - Jimmyeatery: IM alone here too
25/12/2015, 11:10 am - sy: That's good
25/12/2015, 11:10 am - Jimmyeatery: IM deleting it immediately
25/12/2015, 11:11 am - sy: Where is the one you have
25/12/2015, 11:11 am - Jimmyeatery: Lemme snap
25/12/2015, 11:11 am - sy: Ok
25/12/2015, 11:14 am - Jimmyeatery: IMG-20151225-WA0006.jpg (file attached)
25/12/2015, 11:15 am - Jimmyeatery: Pls delete it quickly
25/12/2015, 11:15 am - sy: Nice
25/12/2015, 11:15 am - sy: Why should I delete it
25/12/2015, 11:15 am - Jimmyeatery: Tnx
25/12/2015, 11:16 am - Jimmyeatery: Someone can misplaced phone
25/12/2015, 11:16 am - sy: That's true
25/12/2015, 11:16 am - Jimmyeatery: I dont want yur man to one across it as well
25/12/2015, 11:17 am - Jimmyeatery: To be on safe side
25/12/2015, 11:17 am - sy: Ok
25/12/2015, 11:17 am - Jimmyeatery: I wanna see u babe
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - sy: You have my pix already now
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - Jimmyeatery: Lemme see yur Sexy body babe
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - Jimmyeatery: Nope
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - Jimmyeatery: Very not seen it
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - sy: Is it even new to you
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - syt: OK o
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - sy: Till we see again
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - Jimmyeatery: Ive not
25/12/2015, 11:19 am - Jimmyeatery: Plsssssss
25/12/2015, 11:19 am - sy: Why are you in a hurry
25/12/2015, 11:19 am - Jimmyeatery: Dont be shy dear
25/12/2015, 11:19 am - Jimmyeatery: IM just lonely here
25/12/2015, 11:20 am - Jimmyeatery: Soo lonely
25/12/2015, 11:20 am - syt: What about your wife
25/12/2015, 11:20 am - Jimmyeatery: In London
25/12/2015, 11:20 am - Jimmyeatery: In London with my kids
25/12/2015, 11:21 am - sy: Good
25/12/2015, 11:21 am - Jimmyeatery: I av 1% left
25/12/2015, 11:21 am - sy: What?
25/12/2015, 11:21 am - Jimmyeatery: Snap lemme see you
25/12/2015, 11:22 am - syt: You will see me when I change my dp
25/12/2015, 11:23 am - syt: You there?
25/12/2015, 11:43 am - Jimmyeatery: IMG-20151225-WA0009.jpg (file attached)
25/12/2015, 11:45 am - Jimmyeatery: IMG-20151225-WA0008.jpg (file attached)
25/12/2015, 11:44 am - Jimmyeatery: My ba3 low N phone went off
25/12/2015, 11:44 am - Jimmyeatery: Im using my laptop to charge now
25/12/2015, 11:46 am - syt: OK Sir
25/12/2015, 11:47 am - sy: Was wondering why you kept quiet
25/12/2015, 11:51 am - sy: Can't talk please
25/12/2015, 11:51 am - Jimmyeatery: Ok
25/12/2015, 11:51 am - Jimmyeatery: I tot u said youre alone before
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - sy: My kids are here now
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - Jimmyeatery: Lemme know wen youre free to talk
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - Jimmyeatery: Oook
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - sy: Let's chat, say whatever you wanna say here
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - syt: My hubby is out
25/12/2015, 11:53 am - Jimmyeatery: Are u Sure?
25/12/2015, 11:53 am - syt: 😃
25/12/2015, 11:53 am - syt: Yeah
25/12/2015, 11:53 am - Jimmyeatery: Snap lemme be sure if youre d right person IM chatting with................

Please advise me in how to handle all these.......

Thank you.

elantraceey:
I don't understand your frustrations but you know what I forgive you, maybe you are just a kid and you probably grew up in a broken home that's why you're this frustrated but I'll leave you to your agony and may God help you.

RadicallyBlunt:
Its as if God created men well and added problem to our peace again. Women have always been prb from garden eden. Thank God for the likes of ruth in d bible..at least she gives us hope.

Take his numberss from ur wife's phone and make sure u don't lose it. Save d messages/chats and print them out too if necessary. Dont give ur wife any inkling of being offended so u will keep having access to her phone to follow up the issue. Get as much evidence as u can including the guy's picture. U cld even trace her to dia meeting point if they plan to meet and get d video

Forget sympathy 4 now. If she's not brought to book b4 her ppl, she won't know the gravity of what she's doing. Take her to her ppl as a suprise package, there let loose the d matter. If possible flash him with ur wife's number and let him call right there. Leave her there with her ppl(U'll knw in ur mind that they'll come begging) but for the mean time she has to know that what she's doing is something extremely abominable. She has to fear marital faithfulness and respect u.

elantraceey:
Elan..... I am sad you just saw nothing wrong in the acts of the woman, l am happy that a lady spoke out against your post, you are humbly wicked, why such an affinity between a married woman and her ex to the point of all what the husband posted, would you take it for a male member of your family or friend? You really threw up woman dignity to the dogs with you comment and also weakened the man, advocating for peace and against divorce is not it, call what is wrong wrong.

Yes God forgives yet he condemns anyone who covers the sin of others and himself.

The man needs to pray. God will sort you out.

Seriously woman , I'm now wicked for being against divorce and advocating for peace and love to prevail, are you serious? If God punishes you for all your misdeeds ,do you think you'll think you'll still be alive? Come on let love prevail.

RadicallyBlunt:
Its as if God created men well and added problem to our peace again. Women have always been prb from garden eden. Thank God for the likes of ruth in d bible..at least she gives us hope.

Take his numberss from ur wife's phone and make sure u don't lose it. Save d messages/chats and print them out too if necessary. Dont give ur wife any inkling of being offended so u will keep having access to her phone to follow up the issue. Get as much evidence as u can including the guy's picture. U cld even trace her to dia meeting point if they plan to meet and get d video

Forget sympathy 4 now. If she's not brought to book b4 her ppl, she won't know the gravity of what she's doing. Take her to her ppl as a suprise package, there let loose the d matter. If possible flash him with ur wife's number and let him call right there. Leave her there with her ppl(U'll knw in ur mind that they'll come begging) but for the mean time she has to know that what she's doing is something extremely abominable. She has to fear marital faithfulness and respect u.

redcliff:
Are you okay with the statement in bold?

elantraceey:
Please don't pity him because he's NEVER going to experience any thing like this. You know why? It's not because I'm perfect but because I understand what it is to be a human, misjudged and I understand priorities and I don't give in to feelings easily.

iPopAlomo:
OP... another hoe low show here....

Miami11:
Pray and fast for your wife
Talk to her calmly about the issue
Divorce is a sin
Knee down and ask for forgiveness
Treat her right
Talk to your pastor
Take her for deliverance

Ginaz:
Women sha ( some) they are never satisfy and never will be. Sir, you need solid facts not all this to catch her red handed. She can deny this cos its not convincing enough. Catch her like the way a rat is caught in a trap and boot her cheating ass out of your home. Cos she will kill you one day if not now. Some WOmen are just too evil, can you imagine?

elantraceey:
You guys are very funny, does everyone have to agree you with you? I never said she wasn't cheating , I only said that he should try to resolve the issue at least for the children's sake before heading for divorce.

cococandy:
Pls stop defending yourself.
Let the ediots attack you if they will.
If your advice was given to married woman who's husband is busy running around town with other ladies, then you'd be a good woman before their eyes.

Faraidi:
God punish me.Na people like the women in my family dem dey take clean yansh.#DIVORCE HER FAST.Nothing is worst than an aldultrous wife.

AstuteJ:
I need your candid advice on how to handle the various cases of infidelity against my wife. We have been married for 10 years with kids and I have never had any reason to doubt her until the following incidents began to unfold;

1. Sometimes in 2012, I took her to the market on a Sunday morning. She left her phone inside the car while she went into the market. A message dropped and I picked her phone to check, what I saw was a joystick sent by one of her BBM contacts. I dropped the phone aand pretended I dint see anything. When she came back, she checked the phone, saw the picture, deleted it and pretended nothing happened.

I waited for like 5hours to be sure she wasn't going to talk about it before bringing it up. She claimed it was sent in error and went ahead to call the guy to register her displeasure. I believed her and laid the matter to rest.

2. About six months later, I was out of the country. She called about 6pm that she needed to drop some items for a client at City Mall, little did I know she went to meet a man at Swe bar. I got back some days later and noticed she was all over her phone chatting and smiling while I was talking to her. I took the phone from her to see whom she was chatting it. All the previous chats had been deleted and I continued chatting with the guy. I could not flow well because the guy was coding and suspected he wasn't chatting with the right person.

I went through her phone for any prior message between them and I saw an SMS she sent to him at about 11:45pm the day she went to City Mall; "I just got home, please call if you can"! I did further findings before she confessed she went to meet with the guy at Swe bar and had to call to lis to me in case she runs into one of my friends. She claimed the guy is an old friend and had issues in his marriage, so she turned a marriage counsellor overnight to go solve the issues.

3. While I was still with her phone, the guy that sent his joystick pinged and I started chatting with him. The guy went very romantic and I cautioned him not to put me in trouble like he did when he sent an unsolicited pix of his joystick. The guy went "Ah Stella, but you asked me to send it na, have you forgotten? That you even sent me a pix of your laps taken in a dark room when I asked for yours"! I was speechless! He went "and you said you told your hubby it was sent in error and he believed you". I confronted my wife with all these and she still had some "stories" to tell.

4. We were at her Mum's place two years ago and she got a call, she told the fellow to come see her there. Her ex came in some minutes later to the warm embrace of the mum. We greeted and he wasted no time to settle in and joined the discussion on ground. The last time I saw him was before we got married and she claimed they never dated. The guy talked about his wife, how poor she is in home keeping, in the kitchen. on bed etc. My wife cut in "and this lady is supposed to be enjoying Andy o, cos I remember Andy knows how to take care of a woman, each time he came visiting in the university days, he always came with bags full of goodies". She even suggested seeing the woman to advise her and the guy said "no you are not in the best position to do that, you know she is not too comfortable with you".

All these happened right in the presence of my mother in law and I kept my calm all through. We left there after the show of shame and I warned her to cut all communications with the guy.

5. Few weeks later, same guy came to our church to worship. After the service wifey told me his kids would like to follow us home to meet our kids; I did not respond. Her mum and aunt was also in the church same Sunday and I drove them and my wife straight to my house. The guy drove behind. We got home, wifey went to the kitchen to cook, her mum and aunt settled in to a good gist with this guy in my own very living room. I picked my keys and left the house for them. I returned late in the night when they had all left and you can guess what happened afterwards.

6. I was with her phone few weeks later and another ex bumped in. "My baby, how are you doing, I have missed you bla bla bla". He requested they meet somewhere on the mainland two days later! After taking a second look at the unsaved number, I remembered the number had sent her an SMS; "can I call you now" about twice in the past. the second time I saw the SMS, I called the number with her phone but the guy refused to pick all thru the day!

7. Last Christmas dat, she gave me her phone to check something on her whatsapp and a chat came in from a guy I have been monitoring his number for a while. The excerpt of the chat is below (I took over the chat from the line he asked for her pix).

5/12/2015, 7:51 am - sy: May d joy of Xmas be for u and ur family IJN
25/12/2015, 7:52 am - sy: Enjoy ur day
25/12/2015, 11:08 am - Jimmyeatery: snap i wanna see yur Sexy look
25/12/2015, 11:09 am - Jimmyeatery: I hope youre alone
25/12/2015, 11:09 am - sy: Lol
25/12/2015, 11:09 am - sy: Yes
25/12/2015, 11:09 am - Jimmyeatery: Plsssssss
25/12/2015, 11:10 am - Jimmyeatery: IM alone here too
25/12/2015, 11:10 am - sy: That's good
25/12/2015, 11:10 am - Jimmyeatery: IM deleting it immediately
25/12/2015, 11:11 am - sy: Where is the one you have
25/12/2015, 11:11 am - Jimmyeatery: Lemme snap
25/12/2015, 11:11 am - sy: Ok
25/12/2015, 11:14 am - Jimmyeatery: IMG-20151225-WA0006.jpg (file attached)
25/12/2015, 11:15 am - Jimmyeatery: Pls delete it quickly
25/12/2015, 11:15 am - sy: Nice
25/12/2015, 11:15 am - sy: Why should I delete it
25/12/2015, 11:15 am - Jimmyeatery: Tnx
25/12/2015, 11:16 am - Jimmyeatery: Someone can misplaced phone
25/12/2015, 11:16 am - sy: That's true
25/12/2015, 11:16 am - Jimmyeatery: I dont want yur man to one across it as well
25/12/2015, 11:17 am - Jimmyeatery: To be on safe side
25/12/2015, 11:17 am - sy: Ok
25/12/2015, 11:17 am - Jimmyeatery: I wanna see u babe
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - sy: You have my pix already now
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - Jimmyeatery: Lemme see yur Sexy body babe
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - Jimmyeatery: Nope
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - Jimmyeatery: Very not seen it
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - sy: Is it even new to you
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - syt: OK o
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - sy: Till we see again
25/12/2015, 11:18 am - Jimmyeatery: Ive not
25/12/2015, 11:19 am - Jimmyeatery: Plsssssss
25/12/2015, 11:19 am - sy: Why are you in a hurry
25/12/2015, 11:19 am - Jimmyeatery: Dont be shy dear
25/12/2015, 11:19 am - Jimmyeatery: IM just lonely here
25/12/2015, 11:20 am - Jimmyeatery: Soo lonely
25/12/2015, 11:20 am - syt: What about your wife
25/12/2015, 11:20 am - Jimmyeatery: In London
25/12/2015, 11:20 am - Jimmyeatery: In London with my kids
25/12/2015, 11:21 am - sy: Good
25/12/2015, 11:21 am - Jimmyeatery: I av 1% left
25/12/2015, 11:21 am - sy: What?
25/12/2015, 11:21 am - Jimmyeatery: Snap lemme see you
25/12/2015, 11:22 am - syt: You will see me when I change my dp
25/12/2015, 11:23 am - syt: You there?
25/12/2015, 11:43 am - Jimmyeatery: IMG-20151225-WA0009.jpg (file attached)
25/12/2015, 11:45 am - Jimmyeatery: IMG-20151225-WA0008.jpg (file attached)
25/12/2015, 11:44 am - Jimmyeatery: My ba3 low N phone went off
25/12/2015, 11:44 am - Jimmyeatery: Im using my laptop to charge now
25/12/2015, 11:46 am - syt: OK Sir
25/12/2015, 11:47 am - sy: Was wondering why you kept quiet
25/12/2015, 11:51 am - sy: Can't talk please
25/12/2015, 11:51 am - Jimmyeatery: Ok
25/12/2015, 11:51 am - Jimmyeatery: I tot u said youre alone before
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - sy: My kids are here now
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - Jimmyeatery: Lemme know wen youre free to talk
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - Jimmyeatery: Oook
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - sy: Let's chat, say whatever you wanna say here
25/12/2015, 11:52 am - syt: My hubby is out
25/12/2015, 11:53 am - Jimmyeatery: Are u Sure?
25/12/2015, 11:53 am - syt: 😃
25/12/2015, 11:53 am - syt: Yeah
25/12/2015, 11:53 am - Jimmyeatery: Snap lemme be sure if youre d right person IM chatting with................

Please advise me in how to handle all these.......

Thank you.

Miami11:
Pray and fast for your wife
Talk to her calmly about the issue
Divorce is a sin
Knee down and ask for forgiveness
Treat her right
Talk to your pastor
Take her for deliverance

DuchessLily:
Lol..... Abi

elantraceey:
What do you intend to gain from using cuss words on a fellow woman like you? Please don't judge her at least not yet.



@Op I took the time to read all you posted and I can't help but notice how the guy is so immature and your wife too. Please first let go of any thought of divorce in your head as what you have now are just assumptions.


She's your wife and you've been with her for 10years so you should know how to get the truth from her and I'll say you should use love not anger. Ask her questions like if she isn't satisfied with you or where you've missed it or something,.make it seem like the fault is coming from you even though its not and she'll most likely be comfortable and she'll begin to open up. Be ready to forgive no matter how bitter it turns out at least for the sake of your children.


Make sure she deletes and block those guys and try to resolve whatsoever reason she'll give.


#Myhumbleopinion



Lalasticlala help this guy get good advice.

Truckpusher:
Chase the damn prostitute out of ya life - You've got loads of evidence and yet here you are asking for help on how to handle such a betrayal of trust.

Chase the damn thing out of your house and conduct a proper DNA test to ascertain if you're the biological father of all your kids.