Strahovski1:


Yeah. I think it's because I'm married so I know about marriages not bf/gf relationships..

lordfemi:


Amidst all i think u gave the best solution and then u advised too,..i like u.

mizlolar:
he told me her ex gf was from secondary

mizlolar:
...and really need some solid advice and a large range of various perspectives.

misspicy:


1) I have always warned every lady I see as a friend never to love a man 100% (this is where Mizlolar's problem is coming from),if y'all gonna love keep 30-50% of your heart for heartbreak, some people will say its because I have been heartbroken severally or what not,but that's just the truth,any matured lady will know this, am not referring to these kids calling themselves ladies on romance section o

misspicy:
why did I not just advice you to breakup with him or get angry ,I have realised such approach does not solve anything and at the end of the day you might hurt yourself,since you are the emotional type

Dudeweedlmao:


Is that even possible? I mean partitioning your heart when it comes to love.
I've taught about this before but i don't think love is some mathematical identity that you can be split conciously
Although i understand what you're trying to achieve here, but is it possible? Have you been able to do this successfully?

I found that the only way this would be possible was to have multiple partners at once.

sinequanon:


Angry folk don't learn a simple fact: you are just as bad as the partners you tend to meet.

Until they learn, they keep meeting the same type again and again, getting increasingly angry and hardened, until perhaps they give up.

mizlolar:
This is a long one so grab a comfy chair and some popcorn. Please stick with me though as i am feeling so lost right now and really need some solid advice and a large range of various perspectives.

[Please note that i'm at work right now so if i make a few errors then sorry lol.]

So let me start with a little about myself. Im 23. female. 5 ft 7. In fairly good shape(curvy). Easy on the eyes. I am in my very first long term relationship and we are about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary on Feb 6th. My boyfriend is 25. Male (obviously lol). Also easy on the eyes. Very innocent and a real gentleman. He's a real sweetheart! I've been looking forward to a day he'll take me to see his parents.

We have been very happy together. Weve had our ups and downs but nothing too serious has really threatened our relationship，until now (atleast from my perspective).... Before we get into the heat of the discussion，just know that i was a very confident and secure individual. I trusted my boyfriend whole heartedly and i felt as though nothing could ever threaten “us”. That facade has broken and has left me weak and somewhat feeble. A shadow of my former self-assured character.

So on the Monday night just past (it is currently Thursday afternoon) my boyfriend，his best friend his workmate and his workmates girlfriend and I decide to drink and go night clubbing/dancing. We pre-drink and then head to the clubs. We drink and dance and at one point (1am?) the other couple fight and go home. So now its just my boyfriend，his best friend and myself. This is where it got weird...
We're on the dance floor when my boyfriend he's got something to tell me. He says “my ex-gf is coming to meet up and hang out with us soon，just thought you should know，you're alright with it ok?”. Bleep no i wasnt alright with it，like wtf man. I told him that，and he said it would be fine. So i was like whatever，maybe this is normal? (keeping in mind that this is my first long term bf).

Anyway so we move clubs and she shows up [about 23/5.9ft/skinny and way beautiful more than me. around 60kg]and talks to my bf and his mate and ignores me for a solid 10 seconds until i introduce myself. I squeeze harder than normal when shaking her hand，and look her square in the eyes. she squeezes a little hard but i overpower her. She also averts her gaze (i won that battle! Haha). I give them a chance to catch up by going to pee for a few minutes. When i come back inside we chat awkwardly. This lasts for 30 seconds and she goes silent so i just start dancing to the music to get over the awkward silence that follows. she then walks off somewhere. At this point my bf tells me that hes going to dance. So i follow him out and it turns out she was going to dance with him... What. The. Bleep. At this point she sees me，and tells the guys she leaving. Good riddence...

So the night carries on as normal，only i keep questioning in my head on wtf just happened. This is when i think i started to become paranoid and obssessive. These qualities slowly manifested from that point on that night，to what it is now. Anyway，back to the story.
As the night continued，i notice my bf acting a little strange. Every time i went to hold his hand，he'd hold it weakly and then shake my hand off. I kept testing and he'd keep doing it. I then noticed he'd start to avoid my kisses to the point where id go for a kiss，and he'd fully turn away so id get his cheek. he even pushed me off him once. Finally，hed been avoiding any and all eye contact for the rest of the night. Thats when i knew something was up.

When we got home and settled into bed，i told about how i was feeling. he got angry and said “whats wrong with that” and “you met your ex boyfriend the other day!” (this was at a gathering of my friend group of where he just happened to be，because we're from the same friend group). We had a big fight and he made me feel like i was in the wrong. He said i needed to just let it go because they were just friends. I sit there dumb founded feeling like i was an absolute fool for bringing it up. He then goes to sleep.
At this point i start freaking out as，while we were fighting， he told me her ex gf was from secondary school and that their break up was “mutual”. They were together for close to 4 years and i feel like they were high school sweathearts. I also suspect she lost her virginity to him.

Anyway， i was lying there next to my drunk sleeping boyfriend when i decided to read his texts. Turns out they had been texting on and off since August 2015 (she initiated first contact). They had also been meeting up whenever his ex gf was in town. (my bf ex-gf lives in a different city). The worst part was that They actually went and got a “drink” (at a bar) every time. A couple of times they even meet up at a club. This happened all without my knowing and i honestly cant believe that ive just found out this weekend. Reading those texts felt like someone was trying to yank my heart out of my chest. The realisation that your bf has been doing this is one of the most painful things ive ever been through. Id rather break my arms.

Now what gets me most about these texts is that he didnt even make a mention of me at all. One night that they were texting，was a night we were at a family event. The ex gf asked my bf what he was doing. Instead of saying “im at my gfs family event”，he just said “im drinking at a friends place”. Noticing that he was texting his ex-gf without mentioning me was absolutely gut wrenching.
I asked him yesterday if he had seen him any other times other than last monday. And i said “you would tell me if you have right babe?”. He denied any other times he met him. I knew he was lying so i just said “i trust that you would tell me babe” and left it at that. I asked him about it again today and he just got angry and said “are we going to fight about this again”. Again i left it alone but tonight im gathering the courage to finally bring it up and tell him about reading his texts and that i know he's been lying to me.

Is this a good idea? What can i do? Should i just leave it alone? Does he have feelings for his ex gf? Is he cheating on me?
Please please please help me out here. I dont know what to do and the paranoia and obssession is starting to take over my life. My heart is just telling me to move past it and keep loving him(LOve his so much). But my head is telling me to back off and get out know before that heart gets ripped out and torn to shreds.
I really appreciate any help or advice here and i really appreciate you sticking with me until now. Im so lost and in a heap of pain at the moment....

I really need this to hit the front page cos I registered on this site because of this issue so I can seek advice

misspicy:

100% tested and possible

its called preparing for the raining day,and you don't have to double date to do that

Humans are very unpredictable and you only know your own mind unless you are a mind reader..

its called entering a relationship with your heart,head and mind,not your heart only,let your head be involved,love but not blindly.

when your once sweet loving partner becomes a demon you don't just walk away,you try to resolve and see what you can do about it,and after trying,with no result,its easier to walk away,because you didn't love like a fool..

I hope you get my point

Dudeweedlmao:


Its never easier to walk away from someone you've loved
You cannot love someone you're suspicious of (that is lust) love and trust will always go together
Thats why heartbreak hurts, its not just about loving someone, its about [size=18pt]them betraying your trust[/size]
Even if a friend betrays you, you'd feel a certain degree of pain (and thats just friendship)

It sounds very fancy on paper, but to do this in reality, its almost impossible if you're not half robot, half human.

sinequanon:


It is easy to blame the other person, when, in fact, deep down the anger is with your own human frailty.

How did you come to trust this untrustworthy person?

Would you be angry at a person to whom you gave your trust, [size=18pt]knowing[/size] that they are untrustworthy? Or would you be "angry" with yourself?

What changes if you don't know in advance?


It is better to learn about yourself, learn to make better choices, and move on.

misspicy:

100% tested and possible

its called preparing for the raining day,and you don't have to double date to do that

Humans are very unpredictable and you only know your own mind unless you are a mind reader..

its called entering a relationship with your heart,head and mind,not your heart only,let your head be involved,love but not blindly.

when your once sweet loving partner becomes a demon you don't just walk away,you try to resolve and see what you can do about it,and after trying,with no result,its easier to walk away,because you didn't love like a fool..

I hope you get my point

I swear, u've observed well

Dudeweedlmao:


To be human is to be frail
Being human, makes you imperfect

Dudeweedlmao:
Transcending humanity is impossible for we three dimensional beings

Dudeweedlmao:
Trust is not something you can give, its something that must be earned

Dudeweedlmao:
You can always make up your mind not to trust people, but i bet you if someone takes a bullet for you, by default you must trust that person
This is one of the wonders of our sub-conscious mind, you can never tell it what to do

Dudeweedlmao:
So no matter how much you learn about yourself, you will never know enough, and you will always make mistakes
And keep learning ad infinitum'...

sinequanon:


I haven't denied this anywhere.



Transcending humanity, while human, is impossible. Then it's up to whether you believe in anything beyond.



I disagree. Trust is something you choose to give to/have in something.



Nope. That wouldn't make me trust somebody. And I don't want anyone "taking bullets for me".



...maybe you will learn that there is nothing to know, and that knowledge is just a figment of human existence.

Dudeweedlmao:



In the comment before this one you adviced to "learn about yourself" which implies accruing or gaining knowledge about thyself.

Then you go ahead to say that knowledge is a figment of human existence which implies that knowledge is something that exist in our imagination

Thats some solid contradiction right there

Dudeweedlmao:
Also that bullet scenario is a 1 in a googolplex example that could occur. Am pretty sure every human has once in their lifetime trusted someone, its inevitable.

danduchi:
The truth is he loves u but he's still into his Ex... You have to give him an ultimatum to decide, avoid him for a while and be urself... But seriously ba, it so unfortunate that u re the present gf, that dude will want his Ex bck since he treats u bad in her presence it obvious he loves her more than u. But hey am here I broke up with my babe on monday can we start afresh?

foladaraawe:
interesting
looking forward to more comments

Strahovski1:
Lol what a funny story.

Well, you are insecure.

My advice: Break up with him, he is cheating on you. And you know it. He doesn't love you. He did but it cease when they started texting again. So break up now before you find him with her in bed then say 'oh.. Strahovski said it'

He gets defensive when you talk about it.. avoiding your kisses.. blah blah blah it's obvious. They were together for 4 year.. you is 1 year so yeah he loves her more than you. Perhaps they never broke up.. Maybe distance kept them apart you never can tell so it's great having them together and you are a wall in the way.
Break up with him and move on.. That's my advice. If you want to continue reading his texts like a vigilante suit yourself.

Dudeweedlmao:


Its never easier to walk away from someone you've loved
You cannot love someone you're suspicious of (that is lust) love and trust will always go together
Thats why heartbreak hurts, its not just about loving someone, its about them betraying your trust
Even if a friend betrays you, you'd feel a certain degree of pain (and thats just friendship)

It sounds very fancy on paper, but to do this in reality, its almost impossible if you're not half robot, half human.

misspicy:


@bolded,my dear,I type what i mean, unless am in jest mood,and from my writeup,that is no jest mood,it doesn't sound no fancy on paper when you realise that you don't carry a person like a bag of rice and have them hold you like a pinch of salt.
secondly,call me and every person that has successfully left a toxic relationship without a scrash half robot and half human then because yes we exist.

Now the fact that you refuse to see reason with the few words I put down shows that you are the emotional type and trust me been overly emotional and trusting destroys one,because if you meet a person that will shatter your heart,love and trust,you will never regain yourself and if ever not for a long time.

My advice is based on valuing yourself,and not allowing yourself to be used like a piece of rag.
do we have a kiss smiley here please....you deserve one babe
because once your Partner cheats you would be affected, I hope you read my advice very well I studied the right up,noticed the lady is over attached to the guy in question which is what is you suggesting here,she finds it difficult to detach which is why I told her to give it another push with steps she can go with. if I were the lady in question,trust me,I would have left without a backward glance but for y'all loving with your heart and keeping your head at home,you will keep staying and getting more hurt in the name of love and trust. the high time you realise that love is not only about trust the better for you,because the angel you know today can become a demon tomorrow,take Lucifer as an example,imagine if God becomes hurt about Lucifer's change,would you be in existence today? God created other angels and continued with his assignment,he then cast Lucifer down from heaven to the earth,that is leaving a toxic relationship without a backward glance.


thank me later

MemphisDepay:
shey u get same issue ni