K

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missingrib:
that's just the truth.in every relationship communication matters a lot..I remember back in my uni days there was this friend of mine she was telling me that it have been almost a week her bf called her last,,chai I was like u sure you guys are really dating and she said she is hundred percent sure about it..relationship shouldn't lack communication because that is the bed rock of all good relationship...

y dint she call since the guy fail to call* I see this call thing to be responsibility of bout parties*

Op I love your write ups..... this one is spot on!....Communication is key!....no matter how silly the issue sounds, me I always want to hear it...then we trash it out and move on.

missingrib:
that's just the truth.in every relationship communication matters a lot..I remember back in my uni days there was this friend of mine she was telling me that it have been almost a week her bf called her last,,chai I was like u sure you guys are really dating and she said she is hundred percent sure about it..relationship shouldn't lack communication because that is the bed rock of all good relationship...

I suppose you did not take the pain to ask her of when she last called him...

Tell them,especially ladies who want men to be mind readers

foriz4u:

lol... u go hash o.
but she goes on with dat muddy face over u giving u d impression sth is wrong. how will u deal wit such I frustrating situation?

take her to the room. she'll share it in no time...

The relationship is indeed deaf and dumb.... Just imagine yesterday....

d&d

I learnt American sign language. Wanna learn??

YorubaWoman:
Well, am one of those women that something worries but still smile always saying 'nothing'. But my man is a psyche and very understanding, he makes sure there is effective communication in between us.

My superman

Your superman! Are you his only Lois.

missingrib:
that's just the truth.in every relationship communication matters a lot..I remember back in my uni days there was this friend of mine she was telling me that it have been almost a week her bf called her last,,chai I was like u sure you guys are really dating and she said she is hundred percent sure about it..relationship shouldn't lack communication because that is the bed rock of all good relationship...

missing rib, he never still find you?

creamylicious:
The relationship is indeed deaf and dumb.... Just imagine yesterday.... Boo had told me last week that he had things to do with his Sunday so in essence, no valentine. I just deaf for that excuse cos it wasn't clear what he'd be doing... Sunday comes and he doesn't wish me a happy valentine.... I wished him first, still called him in the afternoon and he was asking where I was. In anger, I didn't disclose. Today he called and said he was in my area yesterday when we spoke but I spoilt it by not revealing my location.. He wanted to surprise me... Bla bla bla

alright...

Toks2008:
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.

Am affair that lacks effective communication is a deaf and dumb affair.

Do you know that communication is the only prerequisite for any long lasting union? YES after you have established a romantic affair,the next stage is getting to understand each other which can only be achieved through effective communication and not mind-reading.With good communication, you will know in a timely manner if you can tolerate each other.

Every break in any form of union starts with a break down of communication. And worst still, delayed communication.

This is the case with many union today, we tend to stomach issues that would have been discussed and trashed out. There is no small or big issue, all issues must be treated with urgency. Don't be lackadaisical in expressing your resentments but communicate your pains sternly.

The worst part of it is that most of the time, the other party does not even have a clue if you are hurting so while you keep building up resentments, he/she will help you to add more until it becomes so big that before you say Jack, the union is broken beyond repair.And it gets even stranger when some people will rather prefer to discuss their partner's flaws with friends and would go on and on about what they hate in that person when that partner does not even have a clue of those faults

It could be an issue as trivial as the way your partner uses water, toothpaste,eating habit,relates with people, uses groceries in the house,the snoring habit, dress sense,abusive words,talkativeness or as serious as drunkenness, smoking,addiction of any kind,philandering and so on.

Even in sexual matters, you may like to be touched in a certain manner, made love to in a certain way,it may be a body odor from your partner or mouth odor.If he does not last long in bed please tell him to do something about it because you don't want to go out. If she is not good in bed tell her or teach her how you want it.

It can be anything and i mean anything at all. Don't shelve it, don't ignore that issue,TRASH IT OUT IMMEDIATELY and i mean real trashing in a serious but humble and loving manner.

If you allow that resentment to go undisclosed, you can be sure to have more and more every passing day until it becomes a great wall of permanent divide and when you stomach issues,it can accumulate so much that it may cause you to overeact which may lead to terrible consequence..

Don't be scared in discussing issues with your spouse because if you are afraid of doing this then i guess you should as well opt for a break because i don't see that union getting better. And if you are the type of man who is so bossy that you think women have no say then you are indeed a beast who deserves to be living alone in the jungle.

It is no longer news that tolerance is vital in any union we find ourselves because there is no perfect man or woman but nevertheless, we can always adjust and be the best we can for our partners if only we know the area that needs adjustment which can only be known by us if the other party opens up.

Lets learn to be communicative in a constructive anda humane manner and we will realize how powerful this can be

Hope this helps.

lolz

Very well said! Without effective communication,there won't be mutual understanding of both parties involved.

Omotayor123; Agreed. Communication is the key

... You can say that again.

That is why I'll always advice that your partner should be your best friend. If he/she isn't your friend before you guys started off, work to make it happen!

This was exactly what really went wrong wen i was with my ex. I really loved her and she is the type that keeps things to her self. you will never get to know wen she is angry and even wen u have a clue she is, she will always reply with "I'm fine". Things got out proportion and she couldn't cope anymore cos I keep doing the same thing that makes her angry without me knowing she is. she only told me bout all what I did after we broke up. it was very painful....Communication Is indeed the key in every relationship

Vikky014:
good piece but why will you ask her just twice and stop r u really sure of wht u r sayingbc to me u are not practising this write up if u will stp asking her after twice.....If ur wife is my type eh.....u go cry for 1 week

Cry ke ? That will happen if you are married to an emotionally weak man, all this alpha male and players will ignore you totally

toks2008 nice one.. keep preaching the gospel over and over

You are right @OP,No relationship or marriage CAN last longer without a good and effective communication...

For both partners to have an effective and fruitful communication, both must be very

1. ENGAGED LISTENERS
If your goal is to fully understand and connect with the other person, listening in an engaged way will often come naturally. If it doesn’t, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and rewarding your interactions with others will become.

Focus fully on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues. Tone of voice conveys emotion, so if you’re thinking about other things, checking text messages or doodling, you’re almost certain to miss the nonverbal cues and the emotional content behind the words being spoken. And if the person talking is similarly distracted, you’ll be able to quickly pick up on it. If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over in your head—it’ll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

Favor your right ear. The left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for both speech comprehension and emotions. Since the left side of the brain is connected to the right side of the body, favoring your right ear can help you better detect the emotional nuances of what someone is saying. Try keeping your posture straight, your chin down, and tilting your right ear towards the speaker—this will make it easier to pick up on the higher frequencies of human speech that contain the emotional content of what’s being said.


Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns, by saying something like, “If you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.” Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s elsewhere.

Show your interest in what’s being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh huh.”

Try to set aside judgment. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your judgment and withhold blame and criticism in order to fully understand a person. The most difficult communication, when successfully executed, can lead to the most unlikely and profound connection with someone.

Provide feedback If there seems to be a disconnect, reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is," or "Sounds like you are saying," are great ways to reflect back. Don’t simply repeat what the speaker has said verbatim, though—you’ll sound insincere or unintelligent. Instead, express what the speaker’s words mean to you. Ask questions to clarify certain points: "What do you mean when you say..." or "Is this what you mean?"

2. PAYING ATTENTION TO NON VERBAL SIGNALS

When we communicate things that we care about, we do so mainly using nonverbal signals. Nonverbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice, and even your muscle tension and breathing. The way you look, listen, move, and react to another person tells them more about how you’re feeling than words alone ever can.

3.KEEP STRESS IN CHECK

Use stalling tactics to give yourself time to think. Have a question repeated, or ask for clarification of a statement before responding.

Pause to collect your thoughts. Silence isn’t necessarily a bad thing—pausing can make you seem more in control than rushing your response.

Make one point and provide an example or supporting piece of information. If your response is too long or you waffle about a number of points, you risk losing the listener’s interest. Follow one point with an example and then gauge the listener’s reaction to tell if you should make a second point.

Deliver your words clearly. In many cases, how you say something can be as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain an even tone, and make eye contact. Keep your body language relaxed and open.

Wrap up with a summary and then stop. Summarize your response and then stop talking, even if it leaves a silence in the room. You don’t have to fill the silence by continuing to talk.


4.ASSERT YOURSELF
Value yourself and your opinions. They are as important as anyone else’s.

Know your needs and wants. Learn to express them without infringing on the rights of others.

Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It’s OK to be angry, but you must be respectful as well.

Receive feedback positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when needed.

Learn to say “no.” Know your limits and don’t let others take advantage of you. Look for alternatives so everyone feels good about the outcome.

helpguide org/articles/relationships/effective-communication htm

I usually do the calling, my boo is so deaf and dumb and blind in our relationship, broke up with him already, before he becomes paralyze

foriz4u:

very true. most women want their hubby to be a kind of teleporting angel who reads mind and even raise to every single tin slight issues bordering them before they even speak out. and they seems to mistake to a casing and sensitive man.

but they don't no that men r not super human but mere being just like they are.

the annoying kind of women r those u will ask a million times "honey what is d problem", no matter how convinced u r that sth worries her she will still smile adamantly claiming nothing is wrong. I hate women wit such habit en?

very true and so so annoying

Sharoniah:
I usually do the calling, my boo is so deaf and dumb and blind in our relationship, broke up with him already, before he becomes paralyze

tosyne2much:
Nice one OP


I have learnt something

YorubaWoman:
Well, am one of those women that something worries but still smile always saying 'nothing'. But my man is a psyche and very understanding, he makes sure there is effective communication in between us.


My superman

hmm how does he do it?make me follow learn ,my babe sometimes b like u guun,I ask wat is it,go say all is well Zion,meanwhile I know say Israel is under attack

..... For the married ones who aren't communicating
I never marry

Oga OP.... You are not yet matured enough to handle a woman

Yh Thanks

Nice post. Indeed communication is very important in relationships.

Toks2008:


LOL!

Coming from a lady..very funny.

Wait o, is lalasticlala still a mod on nland?

Anyways the truth is that romance section is the center core of nairaland and most nairaland visitors are more interested in romance issues and this is why the romance section has the biggest viewers so more romance topics should make frontpage in order to keep the site interesting.

Sir, how do i buy a Romance machine ?

kingstylo01:
missing rib, he never still find you?

not yet