mistyebby:
I'm in similar situation and pls I need advice. This guy came with the mindset of getting married cuz we were actually matched maked. We had an energising 3 months of talking through the phone. During Xmas he invited me over to his family house, there was no official introduction, I also returned the gesture, definitely my family knew who he was. After Xmas he reduced the calls, he claimed he had family issues he needs to settle. Before then, he had invited me to his place, i was busy, so we agreed to work another time out. I tried keeping in touch, though my spirit told me something was wrong. It continued, i started feeling hurt. I made him knw this times without number.

The coldness lingered, so I stopped calling as well. My sister had issues with sch, the way she kept crying on the phone got to me. So I dropped my ego and decided to call him to proffer cuz he works in the institution. The first time I called I was sad/ angry. Though he told me what to do, and finally the storm passed for my sis.

Finally I summoned courage and bugged him to tell me where I stand of course I did it in a calm manner was always pleading.I have always respected him that was why I choose this part. After a long wait. He sends a long chat, saying he can't deal with my sad mood. I tried to talk abt it, BT I guess his mind was already made up. Though he claimed he still cares.

I really like this guy, what should I do?

create ur own thread

She is like this because of the hurt,pain and sorrow of yesteryears. This is not her original nature. It happened to me so I'm speaking from experience. I struggled with it like 3yrs. Since you love her, you can help her overcome this. Enrol her in anger management class.

mencade5:
Please bear with me. The thread is a bit long. This thread is about me and not my friend. (lol)

i honestly need mature advise from the married and matured folks here.

I am in a very serious relationship with this lady. This is our 12th months together and i plan to propose to her in few months time.

I observe that she has hot temper. Each time we had little misunderstanding she flare up and wouldnt calm down for us to resolve and settle it amicably.

Being a gentleman i believe there are no perfect relationships. Quarrels and disagreements must pop up no matter what.

Yesterday we quarreled due to certain issue we had agreed on. I must confess i caused it but i was quick to realise it and apologise but she wouldnt listen. She made an attempt to call a friend of hers to report the issue. I stopped her. She again wanted to call her pastor too i blocked her hands and was surprise why she is inviting third parties to our matter. She was even voicing it out for people to hear us quarreling and i was calming her down to lower her voice.

This lady is the type every man needs. Religious, good cook, prayerful and she gives me advise on so many occasion.

Her parents are late and she was abandoned by her brothers and sisters due to change of religion. I dont know maybe this affected her attitude.

I myself i have my own wrong sides yet i am ready to accept her wrong and hope she do the same to me. But she wouldnt.

I have talked to her about her anger and made her understand that it is not good for us. Yet yesterdays event surprised me.

Please sorry about the long post. I just need advise or advises about how to handle this issue with my woman.

To add she is 23 and i am 29 years.

Both of you are still young tho so i believe with time she just might overgrow it but nevertheless she must stop the act of calling a third party so often and you should also try to avoid heated arguements.

cheers

Just hold the proposal first and try not to see her for days then she will call,wen she calls tell her u want to see her afta dat tell her your mind that u can't continue anymore because u dnt like her anger issues then see her reaction,if she promise to change u will knw dnt let her force u to continue the marriage proposal.

wa gbayi
look i bette remain a Reverend Father (Padre) than to sign up for a miserable life with a woman of anger.
i had to [size=48pt]RUN[/size] during service when i discovered that i will have to be begging a lady 'cos she is angry. (then i was about 24 years)
three years ago, i had to boot another girl because she too has anger issues
even the HOLY BIBLE SAYS it is better to live in the corner of an attic..........to eat a dry-crusted bread in PEACE than to dwell with an ANGRY WOMAN

x240:
it is not your job to treat her. She has a personal disorder and anger is the only way for her to show it.

What she needs is a psychiatrist to help her overcome her anger issues. You aren't qualified enough and since you play a dominant role in her life and you are a trigger for her anger period. You aren't suited to really help her effectively.


Visiting a mental health practitioner doesn't have to be only when someone is walking unclad on the streets.

She may have chemical imbalances which doubles her anxiety levels and causes such anger episodes and may be given long term medications, things to avoid to help her overcome this.

Her own characteristics is even peculiar as she always likes to make a scene by shouting and inviting third parties. Just a warning to you.... It would aggravate if you continue with her without seeking medical help. She would drag you outside and your neighborhood would have to come settle numerous quarrels and I fear you would spiral out of control one day. Slap her to calm her down or show your superior and things might spiral out of control. It's already happening(You blocking her hands from making phone calls) What wkuld be next? Lock her indoors and wrestle her to the floor so she can't cause a scene?


Truth is, this is not something you overcome in a day. It takes years to undo 20 years of attitude, environment and nature. Stay safe.

komododragons:
RUBBISH!

can you change a drunker within a day!

if you are in a relationship that require working on one's character it only takes the grace of God to change some certain types of character. this one is anger management and when one can't control his/her Anger, something bad is about to happen.

thank God he haven't married her yet and the only solution I see apart from beating her up to control her anger is to leave her and let her regret her mistake but it will be too late for her. WOMEN who are sounded in both mind and character are everywhere! let him go and look for a better WOMAN and stop wasting his time before this get out of hand.

Are u married?
An answer to the above will show how much you have been able to live in marriage union.
Can u see that young men are being increasingly intolerant. It is not bible principle for a perfect man to marry a perfect woman. Work on ur issues together.thats love.

franugo:


bros how u con take arrive at ur conclusion ni? op tell u say him love d bae n u dey doubt,,, u know any of them personally

read the story again

mencade5:
the thing surprise me ooo. I was dumbfounded when she made that move. This is about us. Why r u bringing people into our lives for such a minor issue? I told her this

. I feel what you are going thru,when she is angry ignore her even when you are at fault,you either keep quiet and look of find somewhere to go,the matter can be resolved when she is fully calm....ok

Well my advise is dat if you say she will change after marriage so u wanna endure her u r lying she will b worse.....although evryone has dere bad side buh u jus av to make up ur mind dat u will marry her bcz if u fink she will change in future na big lie..u r d one dat is wearing d shoe,u knw wot u want.

Hello my Brother, talking to her yourself will never work, don’t just go there.
1) Get a senior godly and morally upright couple; i repeat couple to discuss this very issue of anger with her primarily
2) Not optional, let her go for deliverance (you must confirm that she did it)
3) Pretend one day that you also are angry on an issue to the point that it may threaten the relationship (please, confide in someone before you embark on it) don’t listen to anybody if they advise you otherwise. But bear it in mind at each stage (prayerfully) that it is a journey of wisdom and not satanic anger. While this is on please be watchful of her actions and reaction. Is unfortunate that i have limited time.
4) If she does not change. I beg you in the name of the Lord (God knows i am praying for you even now). Please, please, please[b] DO NOT MARRY HER. Either way you will remember this piece.

goodmorning40:
Always have chilled water or ice around, pour it on her when she gets angry to cool her.
But seriously na this type go report u for ur village meeting if u refuse to eat her food

Disappointed in you for your comment

mencade5:
Please bear with me.

First thing first, has she agreed she has anger problem? You can't heal a man who doesnt agree he is sick. If you give him drugs, he won't take them. Give him instruction on how to get better, he won't follow it. So you first need to get her to agree she has a problem, after that you two seek a way together out of your conundrum. If she wouldn't talk, the relationship is as good as dead. Relationship can only be built on mutual communication and cooperation. Only you can't make it work. It takes two to tango. You might end up putting things right while she keep scuttling them. Let her seek counsellor's help if she needs one, the Pastor she calls might also come in handy. Best of luck.

mencade5:
Please bear with me. The thread is a bit long. This thread is about me and not my friend. (lol)

i honestly need mature advise from the married and matured folks here.

I am in a very serious relationship with this lady. This is our 12th months together and i plan to propose to her in few months time.

I observe that she has hot temper. Each time we had little misunderstanding she flare up and wouldnt calm down for us to resolve and settle it amicably.

Being a gentleman i believe there are no perfect relationships. Quarrels and disagreements must pop up no matter what.

Yesterday we quarreled due to certain issue we had agreed on. I must confess i caused it but i was quick to realise it and apologise but she wouldnt listen. She made an attempt to call a friend of hers to report the issue. I stopped her. She again wanted to call her pastor too i blocked her hands and was surprise why she is inviting third parties to our matter. She was even voicing it out for people to hear us quarreling and i was calming her down to lower her voice.

This lady is the type every man needs. Religious, good cook, prayerful and she gives me advise on so many occasion.

Her parents are late and she was abandoned by her brothers and sisters due to change of religion. I dont know maybe this affected her attitude.

I myself i have my own wrong sides yet i am ready to accept her wrong and hope she do the same to me. But she wouldnt.

I have talked to her about her anger and made her understand that it is not good for us. Yet yesterdays event surprised me.

Please sorry about the long post. I just need advise or advises about how to handle this issue with my woman.

To add she is 23 and i am 29 years.

..is she lightskin?

komododragons:
yes!

You would only beat mofos not someone like me

I bet a woman should also beat and almost kill a husband that doesn't act accordingly

Is that how your father used to beat your mother?

May your daughters and sisters be beaten too

Olorib..uruku

I know men like you.

You have poor social skills and the only way you can communicate is through violence.

Los..er!

Olo..shi with an inferiority complex

Left to me, I will gladly pois..on you and send you to the great beyond

After everything is at peace, sit her down Give her a Peck, make sure you do this when she is kinda Happy.
Tell her how much you love her. it doesn't matter how many times you have said or show this it is 'an evergreen recipe' in love it doesn't fade even with time. Having note that.
Thank God She is Religious or even Spiritual, which means she has got a good conscience, Counsel her on Anger tell her how embarrassing it is and how it could ruin a relationship. give her some instances. quote Bible it is imperative.
Tell her gently that you are not judging her
Show and tell her you love her in spite of this. Peck Her again and she will feel remorse and appreciative.

HOW TO CURB ANGER!
1. Don't utter any word while you are angry. smile
instead.
2 Appreciate yourself for enduring such a tensed
time And Thank God (it will make you grow and
improve)

PRAISE GOD FOREVER AND Thank me later!

mencade5:
Please bear with me. The thread is a bit long. This thread is about me and not my friend. (lol)

i honestly need mature advise from the married and matured folks here.

I am in a very serious relationship with this lady. This is our 12th months together and i plan to propose to her in few months time.

I observe that she has hot temper. Each time we had little misunderstanding she flare up and wouldnt calm down for us to resolve and settle it amicably.

Being a gentleman i believe there are no perfect relationships. Quarrels and disagreements must pop up no matter what.

Yesterday we quarreled due to certain issue we had agreed on. I must confess i caused it but i was quick to realise it and apologise but she wouldnt listen. She made an attempt to call a friend of hers to report the issue. I stopped her. She again wanted to call her pastor too i blocked her hands and was surprise why she is inviting third parties to our matter. She was even voicing it out for people to hear us quarreling and i was calming her down to lower her voice.

This lady is the type every man needs. Religious, good cook, prayerful and she gives me advise on so many occasion.

Her parents are late and she was abandoned by her brothers and sisters due to change of religion. I dont know maybe this affected her attitude.

I myself i have my own wrong sides yet i am ready to accept her wrong and hope she do the same to me. But she wouldnt.

I have talked to her about her anger and made her understand that it is not good for us. Yet yesterdays event surprised me.

Please sorry about the long post. I just need advise or advises about how to handle this issue with my woman.

To add she is 23 and i am 29 years.

!

GenBuhari:
She is only likely to phone one person.

But really it may be that her need take issues outside shows a lack of commitment, or deep discontent in that she has been complaining to people outside.

She cannot be allowed to phone one person

She needs to deal with her issues herself or with her bf. I am surprised the guy has not dumped her ass for doing that

My bro . u ve worked to do.
Pray about it.
Both of u need to talk to a marriage counselor
Sometimes her anger may be as a result of the hostile environment she may have grown up.
Talk about it to her. I don't mean pointing at her faults.
Play with her more and do less talking.
I believe with time and God's grace it will wear away.

mencade5:
ok....sometimes i could have this feeling of jealousy when i see her with some other guy talking. She hate it. I have assured her i will stop it which i have been trying to stop.

The bedrock of every relationship is TRUST, there's an adage in my place that says "You can't beat a child and forbid him from crying". How can you stay in a relationship when you can't control your jealousy and do you know that attitude of yours can lead you to harm the person you love the most unintentionally.

She's on the wrong to "always" try to tell pastor, this that, look I only met my husband June '06 and by November we r married and that's 9years + but believe me when I tell you that no one has ever settled our quarrel for us and that's what makes us strong.

Every man is naturally jealous but when "you can't stand seeing her with another man" then even her pastor is in trouble! While she work on her side work on yours. See my husband saw me through school after we got married and being the only daughter of my parents, I easily flow with guys but he confided in me and I gave him my word that I won't betray his trust and that is it. I won't be on this platform or anyone else if I was always suspected. You confessed that she's godly, why don't you trust her the more.

I rest my case sir and I wish you all the best.

komododragons:
yes!

What do you think of my signature?


Interesting uhn?

MARKone:


Let me advice you as a Junior brother, hold on to that proposal first, till you are sure that she will change, or that you can fully accommodate her anger issues, against all odds. You see, a lot of people do notice some character or attitudinal flaws in their partners during courtship, yet they end up getting married hoping that they can manage it, but they end up getting burnt wishing that union never happened. Anger Is a little fit of madness, it can get dangerous and deadly, as that person at that moment, might not know what he or she is doing. I am telling you from experience, hold on till you are sure, start by telling her plainly that you can't continue with relationship, if she doesn't change. And you, I hope you no be the type wey dey make pesin craze.

This Bros has said it all. When you hear that a wife killed her husband or cut his dick off, these are the signs he should've noticed earlier on..

Why try to change her?

franugo:


dnt bring freaking religion into this issue. logically speaking, religion, even if it were real, can't do shit abt a person's character. old man mencade5, listen to markone, he has written down d best advice i have seen so far...IGNORE D PRAYER SOLUTION, E NO GO WORK!

Oga if you don't believe in prayer and God hold your peace, a lot of us do and that's because we have seen proof that it works

anger rest in the bossom of fools.

Na bible talk am ooo

Bros use your tongue to count your teeth. Is something wrong with our youths or its simply love is blind. Person dey vex anyhow and you still want to go ahead to marry her dont worry by the time the anger begin escalate you go know how far.

A word is enough for the wise.

Peace.

anger rest in the bosom of fools.

Na bible talk am ooo

Bros use your tongue to count your teeth. Is something wrong with our youths or its simply love is blind. Person dey vex anyhow and you still want to go ahead to marry her dont worry by the time the anger begin escalate you go know how far.

A word is enough for the wise.

Peace.

U are askin for advise which u already know.
Trust me av seen sum1 like her b4.good cook religious person,bt easil get angry,and na dem dey watch emmanuel tv 247. They will scream at any slice mistek u mek for d neigbour to hear.even if u keep quiet dey wll till keep talkin.they wll evn embarass ur frnds.d only way u cn save dat kind of woman is to live her n tell her d reason u are livin her so dat she wll learn how to hold her anger those kind of people will go out n look for trouble then bring d trouble inside ur house for u defend her like jet li.my brother no try am.some of then are even posses with spiritual husbby that why dey dnt listen to their own husband.na 2 tinz u need my brother either u run live her or u join moutain of fire church.

God go help U @OP

Point of CORRECTION, She is not the type of LADY every man needs.

U can only manage an ADULT.
U can't CHANGE an ADULT , but you can decide a CHILD'S destiny.

Please, if can't put up with her flaws, LEAVE HER now before it gets late.

You cannot change anybody, you are not APC. Even the APC change mantra is still confusing sef... We all are humans and have our unique flaws, if you cannot laugh about her moment of anger like she is ready to accept your own flaws,you don’t love her so leave her alone, trying to change her will create more problem s.

Bros,forget bout changing her I just run.
Dats d best advice I can give u.
But if u choose to go on with d relationship,i trust dat u will always remember my words

shaiba:
I'm happy for you, taking a step in the right direction.

Relationships of any kind is to help each other's weakness.

She may have some underlying pains that tends to trigger this anger, like you said she lost both parents and was abandoned by her brothers and sisters due to change of religion. What type of religion would separate a family? Has she tried to re-unit with them? They are the ones that will still give her out in marriage according to custom. What step has she/u taken to resolve this?

She has not enjoyed parental love or that kind of family love? This she found in you. She is lost and frustrated at the same time. You need to talk more about everything and anything. let her know you are ready to listen and not try to solve all her problems. You are now her father and mother.

As Christians, your foundation should be in the word of God. There are great prophets of God that lost out in God's Blessings because of anger.
Two can only walk together if they agree...

You should both go for counseling

See a therapist if need be.

Think, talk, pray and talk again.

I pray God to help you both in taking the right decision.

To add to what Shaiba said, She is 23, she'll surely outgrow this. When kids start coming in, she'll learn by force. Children have a way of driving one up the wall, what will she do? Will she throw her kids away? Talk with her about this attitude and maybe threaten to end things if she doesn't change, get counselling too but at the back of your mind, just know she'll change with time.
It's well. The heart of the king, the fiancee and everybody is in God's hand.

KingJhean:

Oga if you don't believe in prayer and God hold your peace, a lot of us do and that's because we have seen proof that it works

u mean prayer can make a hungry lion play with a goat instead of mauling it?

You can't! God can change her but you can't, she can't and I can't. you can take her for deliverance. no guarantees. no drugs can treat this. But it is better you know that it will likely get worse. has she been drinking? does she have unresolved emotional issues from childhood or previous relationships? has she had anything inserted in her body?
do your best for her but above all take her for deliverance. what happens after that will tell you whether to go on and marry her. I suspect you are already getting tired. but it will be worse unless something is done.