₦airaland Forum

PiccoloBrunelli:
On a Serious Note: Her Anger Might be a Cry for Help

Many times, anger bouts are precipitated due to deep-seated issues. For instance, your woman might be getting angry since she sees a pattern in you which resemble her father’s mannerisms whom she resents. Such issues need to be tackled with extreme care. Firstly, you need to decode the underlying cause. If it is just anotherfault committed by you, you can seek an apology and diffuse the situation. However, if it turns out that there are someserious emotional issuesweighing on your woman’s mind, you need to be her guiding soul. Try to talk to her or tell her that you will accompany her to a counselor. In such cases, your woman needs your support to let bygones be bygones and forgive herself or someone else who had hurt her in the past

tqs for this post.

whirlwind7:
People Don't Change!

Well, they might modify or try to suppress an annoying trait. But that only happens if they want to do it, and not because their partner demands it.

That's the truth about relationships and marriage.
If anything, any flaw you noticed in your partner is bound to get worse after marriage. This is because people tend to be at their best initially when a relationship or courtship begins. After marriage, you can then let your guards down; there's no compelling need to be at your best behaviour all the time. You have achieved your goal!

So, if you get married with the hope and belief that a certain behavioural flaw in your partner will get corrected, your woes have just begun.

Sure, no one is perfect. But only accept to marry someone with those flaws you know that you can accept and live with. If you are having issues with a potential life partner before marriage over his or her attitude you couldn't accept, that's all the sign you need that the marriage may never work.

people do change, it just takes time and determination

Ndukings92:
guys saying what they can never do from time immemorial, I have experienced such relationship and I pray no one to experience. pet her,love her,tease her,this her or that her.even when her response to such gestures are awkward?

Then you free to leave if you can't tolerate it

enieme:
it could be psychological. They may try dealing with it but there'd surely be moments of uncontrolled outbursts which may be what the op experienced.

true that

Well said op! A word is enough for the wise.

enieme:
people can't control what they are born with. If it's a no go area for all guys, who would then marry them?

Impatience is something fairly common in most humans women especially.

Impatient varies
I am impatient too
Very at that when I am taken for granted


That's for agarawu23

Dyt:
Impatient varies
I am impatient too
Very at that when I am taken for granted


That's for agarawu23

unless he means some other type of impatience e. G. Not being patient in times of financial constraints/ when things aren't going so well

Reski:
Well said op! A word is enough for the wise.

Thanks brother. Just felt compelled to share the essay with us. We can make smarter choices.

Wa oo

100% real.

But they still won't listen

Dat asss is much more important to some men

skylowlow:
who go come marry the angry women

https://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/umad.gif

This got me rotf

whirlwind7:
People Don't Change!

Well, they might modify or try to suppress an annoying trait. But that only happens if they want to do it, and not because their partner demands it.

That's the truth about relationships and marriage.
If anything, any flaw you noticed in your partner is bound to get worse after marriage. This is because people tend to be at their best initially when a relationship or courtship begins. After marriage, you can then let your guards down; there's no compelling need to be at your best behaviour all the time. You have achieved your goal!

So, if you get married with the hope and belief that a certain behavioural flaw in your partner will get corrected, your woes have just begun.

Sure, no one is perfect. But only accept to marry someone with those flaws you know that you can accept and live with. If you are having issues with a potential life partner before marriage over his or her attitude you couldn't accept, that's all the sign you need that the marriage may never work.

how I wished some Nigerians know this before they voted blindly and sheepishly for our repented dictator cum democrat president

Dearpreye can never disappoint. One of him is better than 15million APC zombies..

dearpreye:
Thanks brother. Just felt compelled to share the essay with us. We can make smarter choices.

Is Mary a nler?

Why should anyone care why you didnt marry her?

I dont get it, does the world revolve around you?

If you are advising your cohorts to not marry an angry person, that is different, is that what your long story is trying to say?

From your name, I assume you are from a particular part of Nigeria, namely gej's area, is this a cultural thing with you, since gej tended to display an extremely calm personality during his tenure.

Good one and true-had same experience,ignored and I live everyday wishing I can turn back the hands of time.Guys BEWARE!

enieme:
So what if they inherited it? And they arent even aware of its dangers
who would help them up?
I don't see this as a Good enough reason; it's valid though

Pick one, you say its not a good enough reason and yet you say its valid. You are contradicting yourself.

agarawu23:
[size=15pt]Anger[/size] and [size=15pt]impatient[/size] in a lady is a No go area for guys even if their papa na bill gate or dangote.

Since wen girl papa become so important in deciding if to marry her??

Op you are on point like exclamation mark! but sometimes understanding is just what they need... lets try and be fair and less judgemental.. since anger is a natural behaviour.. i believe if there is true love,commitment and understanding then the anger issue can be fixed.

enieme:
people can't control what they are born with. If it's a no go area for all guys, who would then marry them?

Impatience is something fairly common in most humans women especially.

People can change themselves, they can control what they where born with! I am a good example. I grew up a very shy and socially withdrawn person. Even up to adulthood. It began to affect me negatively. I made conscious effort to change. Today, i am a completely different person from who i use to be 2yrs ago. Change is possible, only if the person sees the need, and wants to. If not, she could find someone who will accept that particular flaw.

agarawu23:
[size=15pt]Anger[/size] and [size=15pt]impatient[/size] in a lady is a No go area for guys [b]even if their papa na bill gate or dangote[\b].

if I hear

dearpreye:
Good morning all.

Moments ago, I saw and read a relationship topic on front page. This is as a result of that topic. The OP asked for advice from NLers over his to - be wife who has very serious anger issues. Anger is one of the worst weaknesses any person could have or tolerate in their lives.

We have this erroneous belief that ALL courtship must end in marriage. It's a dangerous mindset. The purpose of any courtship is to ascertain the COMPATIBILITY of the people involved. It's a time for each person to carefully decide what they can or can't tolerate in their partner. The courtship period is the most vital period before the knot is tied.

This message isn't tailored towards discouraging those who are in a courtship neither is it intended to make us fault finders but its purpose is make sure we make good decisions with our HEADS after taking the time to study and understand people.

People don't change.

Humans are some of the most complex creatures God ever made. We hardly change. We only change when we want to, not because some people wanted us to. That's the human nature. If you're tolerating very difficult issues with the belief the person will change in marriage, you've inherited an eternal prayer and fasting ministry. They will hardly change.

Don't ever ignore RED FLAGS.

Red flags are warning signals predicting potential dangers in the path of your relationship.

If any person told me I want going to marry Mary, I wouldn't have believed. I thought we were in love. Maybe we were. I was old enough to have witnessed my parents argue very bitterly, sometimes also to the point of not talking to each other for days. So I knew marriage is one of the most vital events I'll ever undertake; so I was prepared to get as much facts as I could on the issue of marriage.

When I visited her this fateful day, I didn't know it would be the last day we would see. It was blissful day. She had suggested I visit a pastor friend of hers. I did. She suggested I visit another friend but this time I refused because of the exhaustion that followed the first journey. In fact I suggested we reschedule the visit. An argument ensued. She insisted I should go, but I stood my grounds. After some exchange of words, I decided to return home. That was when the unthinkable happened : my clothes were hooked up and ruffled and all my buttons destroyed. I didn't believe it was happening.

I got a new clothe and returned home. On my journey, I typed a beautiful message, appreciated all the times we had and gave reasons why the relationship has ENDED. There was no way I would be getting married to a potentially violent woman. She apologised and call my parents but I was gone. No promise of change on her part OR emotional tears could have me change my stance; I was gone.

If a little argument could lead to my buttons being destroyed during courtship, I didn't need any person to have told me what lied ahead. That moment, I engaged critical thinking and forever exited the relationship. But I didn't fail to point to her her anger issues. Some other person could put up with her, but not ME.

We need to be very clear when we make very critical decisions like whom to get married to. How far you go in life depends, to a very large extent, whom you're getting married to.

Never permit pressures of age or parents or even the society force you into making decisions that will only guarantee decades of bitterness, sorrow and gloom. Your decisions determine your destiny. Your decisions determine your happiness or sadness.

I'm not advocating for impatience on anyone's part. You could still give very reasonable time for your partner to address some red flags you'll notice. But where such a partner has not shown any meaningful, positive difference, let your head rather than your heart, guide thee.

Life's beautiful but getting married to someone you're NOT compatible with, will make life long, sad and miserable.

Make a smart choice and avoid a life of endless prayers, fasting and counselling. The average Nigerian has enough prayer points already! LOL.

Have a great day.

You said it all! How I wish we would allow the Holy Spirit dictate our lives. He can help us mend our character of we yield

dicefrost:
People can change themselves, they can control what they where born with! I am a good example. I grew up a very shy and socially withdrawn person. Even up to adulthood. It began to affect me negatively. I made conscious effort to change. Today, i am a completely different person from who i use to be 2yrs ago. Change is possible, only if the person sees the need, and wants to. If not, she could find someone who will accept that particular flaw.

Ok, what exactly are you people fighting?

The op is against angry people, you are against shy and introverted people.

Must you folks just criticise incessantly like this, it has no form or function besides making you constantly irritable.

enieme:
So what if they inherited it? And they arent even aware of its dangers
who would help them up?
I don't see this as a Good enough reason; it's valid though

I believe there is a medical field called PSYCHIATRY and the practitioners are called PSYCHIATRISTS. Not so



www.nairaland.com/attachments/2941906_fbimg1444224184174_jpeg07f5db5d37843e2a771817f23008a654

dearpreye:
Good morning all.

Moments ago, I saw and read a relationship topic on front page. This is as a result of that topic. The OP asked for advice from NLers over his to - be wife who has very serious anger issues. Anger is one of the worst weaknesses any person could have or tolerate in their lives.

We have this erroneous belief that ALL courtship must end in marriage. It's a dangerous mindset. The purpose of any courtship is to ascertain the COMPATIBILITY of the people involved. It's a time for each person to carefully decide what they can or can't tolerate in their partner. The courtship period is the most vital period before the knot is tied.

This message isn't tailored towards discouraging those who are in a courtship neither is it intended to make us fault finders but its purpose is make sure we make good decisions with our HEADS after taking the time to study and understand people.

People don't change.

Humans are some of the most complex creatures God ever made. We hardly change. We only change when we want to, not because some people wanted us to. That's the human nature. If you're tolerating very difficult issues with the belief the person will change in marriage, you've inherited an eternal prayer and fasting ministry. They will hardly change.

Don't ever ignore RED FLAGS.

Red flags are warning signals predicting potential dangers in the path of your relationship.

If any person told me I want going to marry Mary, I wouldn't have believed. I thought we were in love. Maybe we were. I was old enough to have witnessed my parents argue very bitterly, sometimes also to the point of not talking to each other for days. So I knew marriage is one of the most vital events I'll ever undertake; so I was prepared to get as much facts as I could on the issue of marriage.

When I visited her this fateful day, I didn't know it would be the last day we would see. It was blissful day. She had suggested I visit a pastor friend of hers. I did. She suggested I visit another friend but this time I refused because of the exhaustion that followed the first journey. In fact I suggested we reschedule the visit. An argument ensued. She insisted I should go, but I stood my grounds. After some exchange of words, I decided to return home. That was when the unthinkable happened : my clothes were hooked up and ruffled and all my buttons destroyed. I didn't believe it was happening.

I got a new clothe and returned home. On my journey, I typed a beautiful message, appreciated all the times we had and gave reasons why the relationship has ENDED. There was no way I would be getting married to a potentially violent woman. She apologised and call my parents but I was gone. No promise of change on her part OR emotional tears could have me change my stance; I was gone.

If a little argument could lead to my buttons being destroyed during courtship, I didn't need any person to have told me what lied ahead. That moment, I engaged critical thinking and forever exited the relationship. But I didn't fail to point to her her anger issues. Some other person could put up with her, but not ME.

We need to be very clear when we make very critical decisions like whom to get married to. How far you go in life depends, to a very large extent, whom you're getting married to.

Never permit pressures of age or parents or even the society force you into making decisions that will only guarantee decades of bitterness, sorrow and gloom. Your decisions determine your destiny. Your decisions determine your happiness or sadness.

I'm not advocating for impatience on anyone's part. You could still give very reasonable time for your partner to address some red flags you'll notice. But where such a partner has not shown any meaningful, positive difference, let your head rather than your heart, guide thee.

Life's beautiful but getting married to someone you're NOT compatible with, will make life long, sad and miserable.

Make a smart choice and avoid a life of endless prayers, fasting and counselling. The average Nigerian has enough prayer points already! LOL.

Have a great day.

My wife has beaten me like 4 times since we got married o!

And when we were dating, she was cool like a pussycat.


Today I cant divorce her because she will take half my shiit plus alimony..




[img]http://reactiongifs.me/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/woman-hitting-guy-gif-anne-hathaway-jake-gyllenhaal-love-and-other-drugs.gif[/img]

Seriously though, People should lookout for those red flags during courtship and never ignore them as they come up.

I have had to break up with two of the most prettiest girls in the world because I saw the red flags.. We would have been picture perfect together but our union would have been disastrous.

rinzylee:
You said it all! How I wish we would allow the Holy Spirit dictate our lives. He can help us mend our character of we yield

The op is not a Christian as you probably know.

Are you yourself a Christian anyway, seems antichrists are quoting bible more these days.

anonimi:
I believe there is a medical field called PSYCHIATRY and the practitioners are called PSYCHIATRISTS.

You mean to sound blase but you actually sound like you are blabbing.

.

tpiar:
Ok, what exactly are you people fighting?

The op is against angry people, you are against shy and introverted people.

Must you folks just criticise incessantly like this, it has no form or function besides making you constantly irritable.

Perhaps you did not completely understand me. Try reading my post again.

dicefrost:
Perhaps you did not completely understand me. Try reading my post again.

I dont think I'll do that.

You can explain more using as long an epistle as possible if need be.

Make sure its longer than the op's own which I didnt read.

enieme:
people can't control what they are born with. If it's a no go area for all guys, who would then marry them?

Impatience is something fairly common in most humans women especially.

Is it COMPULSORY to be married in order to live a successful life?
Jesus Christ (Prophet Isa to the Muslims) was not married, was he?
I don't think that Apostle Paul was married either, abi
Yet billions of people in the last 2,000 years are inspired by the words and works of Christ that Paul took forward to the Gentiles, not so?



www.nairaland.com/attachments/2855943_fbimg1441954343278_jpegb9ba8c23f4f4d3716a9f5a1365fc8b16

+1000

I feel you, OP. I had a similar situation sometime last year. At a point, she held a bottle to my head and threatened to break my head with it. I couldn't believe this was someone I once considered marrying.

I broke up with her and cut off all ties. She's been apologizing and begging for forgiveness since. I've told her I;ve forgiven her, but I just cannot bring myself to be close to her anymore, so I avoid communicating with her.

Life goes on.