₦airaland Forum

enieme:
people can't control what they are born with. If it's a no go area for all guys, who would then marry them?

Impatience is something fairly common in most humans women especially.

anonimi:
Is it COMPULSORY to be married in order to live a successful life?

dearpreye:
Good morning all.

Moments ago, I saw and read a relationship topic on front page. This is as a result of that topic. The OP asked for advice from NLers over his to - be wife who has very serious anger issues. Anger is one of the worst weaknesses any person could have or tolerate in their lives.

We have this erroneous belief that ALL courtship must end in marriage. It's a dangerous mindset. The purpose of any courtship is to ascertain the COMPATIBILITY of the people involved. It's a time for each person to carefully decide what they can or can't tolerate in their partner. The courtship period is the most vital period before the knot is tied.

This message isn't tailored towards discouraging those who are in a courtship neither is it intended to make us fault finders but its purpose is make sure we make good decisions with our HEADS after taking the time to study and understand people.

People don't change.

Humans are some of the most complex creatures God ever made. We hardly change. We only change when we want to, not because some people wanted us to. That's the human nature. If you're tolerating very difficult issues with the belief the person will change in marriage, you've inherited an eternal prayer and fasting ministry. They will hardly change.

Don't ever ignore RED FLAGS.

Red flags are warning signals predicting potential dangers in the path of your relationship.

If any person told me I want going to marry Mary, I wouldn't have believed. I thought we were in love. Maybe we were. I was old enough to have witnessed my parents argue very bitterly, sometimes also to the point of not talking to each other for days. So I knew marriage is one of the most vital events I'll ever undertake; so I was prepared to get as much facts as I could on the issue of marriage.

When I visited her this fateful day, I didn't know it would be the last day we would see. It was blissful day. She had suggested I visit a pastor friend of hers. I did. She suggested I visit another friend but this time I refused because of the exhaustion that followed the first journey. In fact I suggested we reschedule the visit. An argument ensued. She insisted I should go, but I stood my grounds. After some exchange of words, I decided to return home. That was when the unthinkable happened : my clothes were hooked up and ruffled and all my buttons destroyed. I didn't believe it was happening.

I got a new clothe and returned home. On my journey, I typed a beautiful message, appreciated all the times we had and gave reasons why the relationship has ENDED. There was no way I would be getting married to a potentially violent woman. She apologised and call my parents but I was gone. No promise of change on her part OR emotional tears could have me change my stance; I was gone.

If a little argument could lead to my buttons being destroyed during courtship, I didn't need any person to have told me what lied ahead. That moment, I engaged critical thinking and forever exited the relationship. But I didn't fail to point to her her anger issues. Some other person could put up with her, but not ME.

We need to be very clear when we make very critical decisions like whom to get married to. How far you go in life depends, to a very large extent, whom you're getting married to.

Never permit pressures of age or parents or even the society force you into making decisions that will only guarantee decades of bitterness, sorrow and gloom. Your decisions determine your destiny. Your decisions determine your happiness or sadness.

I'm not advocating for impatience on anyone's part. You could still give very reasonable time for your partner to address some red flags you'll notice. But where such a partner has not shown any meaningful, positive difference, let your head rather than your heart, guide thee.

Life's beautiful but getting married to someone you're NOT compatible with, will make life long, sad and miserable.

Make a smart choice and avoid a life of endless prayers, fasting and counselling. The average Nigerian has enough prayer points already! LOL.

Have a great day.

enieme:
people can't control what they are born with. If it's a no go area for all guys, who would then marry them?

Impatience is something fairly common in most humans women especially.

tpiar:


You mean to sound blase but you actually sound like you are blabbing.

enieme:
people can't control what they are born with. If it's a no go area for all guys, who would then marry them?

Impatience is something fairly common in most humans women especially.

anonimi:
I am cray

lordizak:
You see, your perception about life must no conform with everybody's. Every relationship is a potential roadmap to marriage; At 25 or more u still want to be doing what you did @15 -23 (flirting). There comes this time when your mindset have to change, You need to have things of your own eg Your car, house, your woman, all things your own. You can't expect people in a committed relationship to have this your mindset.
Secondly, You need to look at your role in the conflict. Conflict is not necessary a violent tool, but the tool the oppressed use to voice out their anger. Let's take for instance you asked her to see Ur uncle and maybe this uncle is the man you owe every to, on announcing that to your uncle, he cancel all appointments of that day, so as to meet your prospective wife. Your spouse arrived, he met with a few people and opted to go, you try convincing her on the need to meet your uncle, she refused. Wouldn't that be regarded as rude and disrespectful?. She only was trying to touch that gentleman spot in you, on the other hand, you are the stubborn fellow here. Treat a woman like she is one. Pet her, love her, tolerate her. When she wrongs you, accept her apologies. Leaving her does make u a better man or mean you are better off. That girl needs you back, that girl is sorry, she sure have learnt lessons. she's hurting. Thanks.

lordizak:
You see, your perception about life must no conform with everybody's. Every relationship is a potential roadmap to marriage; At 25 or more u still want to be doing what you did @15 -23 (flirting). There comes this time when your mindset have to change, You need to have things of your own eg Your car, house, your woman, all things your own. You can't expect people in a committed relationship to have this your mindset.
Secondly, You need to look at your role in the conflict. Conflict is not necessary a violent tool, but the tool the oppressed use to voice out their anger. Let's take for instance you asked her to see Ur uncle and maybe this uncle is the man you owe every to, on announcing that to your uncle, he cancel all appointments of that day, so as to meet your prospective wife. Your spouse arrived, he met with a few people and opted to go, you try convincing her on the need to meet your uncle, she refused. Wouldn't that be regarded as rude and disrespectful?. She only was trying to touch that gentleman spot in you, on the other hand, you are the stubborn fellow here. Treat a woman like she is one. Pet her, love her, tolerate her. When she wrongs you, accept her apologies. Leaving her does make u a better man or mean you are better off. That girl needs you back, that girl is sorry, she sure have learnt lessons. she's hurting. Thanks.

dearpreye:
Thanks very much brother. Wisdom is more vital here. It shows you who you can't possibly put up with.

mzAnnie1:
God bless u. ur a mind reader

MadCow1:
Today I cant divorce her because she will take half my shiit plus alimony..

Odunharry:
True this.. I'm happy u came up with this topic

HirstMOG:
Exactly the same reason why I broke up with my x-gf last year. She is commanding, woman on top, her vexation has no part two. Till now she is still begging that she will change, but as for me no going back because tomorrow is unknown and a very long journey.

dearpreye:
People hardly change. The decision is yours sir.

Ioannes:
like someone once said, there are three sides to every story; yours, theirs and the truth.

unless she is mad I don't see why such an issue should generate such reactions from her.

I enjoyed your post though. well written.

lordizak:
You see, your perception about life must no conform with everybody's. Every relationship is a potential roadmap to marriage; At 25 or more u still want to be doing what you did @15 -23 (flirting). There comes this time when your mindset have to change, You need to have things of your own eg Your car, house, your woman, all things your own. You can't expect people in a committed relationship to have this your mindset.
Secondly, You need to look at your role in the conflict. Conflict is not necessary a violent tool, but the tool the oppressed use to voice out their anger. Let's take for instance you asked her to see Ur uncle and maybe this uncle is the man you owe every to, on announcing that to your uncle, he cancel all appointments of that day, so as to meet your prospective wife. Your spouse arrived, he met with a few people and opted to go, you try convincing her on the need to meet your uncle, she refused. Wouldn't that be regarded as rude and disrespectful?. She only was trying to touch that gentleman spot in you, on the other hand, you are the stubborn fellow here. Treat a woman like she is one. Pet her, love her, tolerate her. When she wrongs you, accept her apologies. Leaving her does make u a better man or mean you are better off. That girl needs you back, that girl is sorry, she sure have learnt lessons. she's hurting. Thanks.

dearpreye:
Good morning all.

Moments ago, I saw and read a relationship topic on front page. This is as a result of that topic. The OP asked for advice from NLers over his to - be wife who has very serious anger issues. Anger is one of the worst weaknesses any person could have or tolerate in their lives.

We have this erroneous belief that ALL courtship must end in marriage. It's a dangerous mindset. The purpose of any courtship is to ascertain the COMPATIBILITY of the people involved. It's a time for each person to carefully decide what they can or can't tolerate in their partner. The courtship period is the most vital period before the knot is tied.

This message isn't tailored towards discouraging those who are in a courtship neither is it intended to make us fault finders but its purpose is make sure we make good decisions with our HEADS after taking the time to study and understand people.

People don't change.

Humans are some of the most complex creatures God ever made. We hardly change. We only change when we want to, not because some people wanted us to. That's the human nature. If you're tolerating very difficult issues with the belief the person will change in marriage, you've inherited an eternal prayer and fasting ministry. They will hardly change.

Don't ever ignore RED FLAGS.

Red flags are warning signals predicting potential dangers in the path of your relationship.

If any person told me I want going to marry Mary, I wouldn't have believed. I thought we were in love. Maybe we were. I was old enough to have witnessed my parents argue very bitterly, sometimes also to the point of not talking to each other for days. So I knew marriage is one of the most vital events I'll ever undertake; so I was prepared to get as much facts as I could on the issue of marriage.

When I visited her this fateful day, I didn't know it would be the last day we would see. It was blissful day. She had suggested I visit a pastor friend of hers. I did. She suggested I visit another friend but this time I refused because of the exhaustion that followed the first journey. In fact I suggested we reschedule the visit. An argument ensued. She insisted I should go, but I stood my grounds. After some exchange of words, I decided to return home. That was when the unthinkable happened : my clothes were hooked up and ruffled and all my buttons destroyed. I didn't believe it was happening.

I got a new clothe and returned home. On my journey, I typed a beautiful message, appreciated all the times we had and gave reasons why the relationship has ENDED. There was no way I would be getting married to a potentially violent woman. She apologised and call my parents but I was gone. No promise of change on her part OR emotional tears could have me change my stance; I was gone.

If a little argument could lead to my buttons being destroyed during courtship, I didn't need any person to have told me what lied ahead. That moment, I engaged critical thinking and forever exited the relationship. But I didn't fail to point to her her anger issues. Some other person could put up with her, but not ME.

We need to be very clear when we make very critical decisions like whom to get married to. How far you go in life depends, to a very large extent, whom you're getting married to.

Never permit pressures of age or parents or even the society force you into making decisions that will only guarantee decades of bitterness, sorrow and gloom. Your decisions determine your destiny. Your decisions determine your happiness or sadness.

I'm not advocating for impatience on anyone's part. You could still give very reasonable time for your partner to address some red flags you'll notice. But where such a partner has not shown any meaningful, positive difference, let your head rather than your heart, guide thee.

Life's beautiful but getting married to someone you're NOT compatible with, will make life long, sad and miserable.

Make a smart choice and avoid a life of endless prayers, fasting and counselling. The average Nigerian has enough prayer points already! LOL.

Have a great day.

dearpreye:
Thanks for contributing to the issue at hand. The thread will be useless without comments from people like you.

tpiar:
I think you are getting carried away because you opened a thread in literature section which got some responses from your crowd.

Dont think more highly of yourself than you ought to, say no to grandiosity.

You aint an emperor sweetums.

You be gej ni?

komododragons:
To marry a lady who is a hot temper is like marrying a bomb and hoping it won't detonate.

To marry a lady who is hot temper and thinking you would change her is like keeping a loaded gun and hoping no one will use it