pinkpearl17:

I really dont think a girl from a loving home becomes a baby mama. There is this feeling of inadequacy, low self worth, the longing to belong that push them into it. How many homes cater to the emotional needs of their children? From your reply, I can deduce how you train your kids. With brutality and harshness.

lollmaolol:
Pardon me Nairalanders,

I m not a good writer, I'll start here sometimes in 1998 my dad turned my mum into a punching bag and he sent her packing accusing her of outshining him, as an 11 year old first son of my mum I took her side because the beating was too much. I figured out mum was seeing another man.

I don't know who advised mum, but she went to court to seek divorce papers, so court dissolved the marriage. I was almost graduating from my primary school then. I started missing mum on my graduation day, only dad was there, mum had left with my 2 younger siblings. Shortly after the divorce, mum re-married to another.

Our family is Muslim family as my mum was the second wife, the first wife also left him (I was too young to understand reason for divorce) , now he started bringing in different women home to the one room apartment he occupied in his uncle's place more than 35 years ago (he is still in that house currently here in xyz state).

As day goes by, I and my younger sister with him were going to school till we both graduated from high school, the other two also graduated but the story didn't end well with them as they are currently baby mama. Only immediate sister got married and is with her husband.

Being the only male child, I had to leave house and hussle, I have worked in several odd places you could ever think of. I was able to gain admission into the university but my other siblings could not, except immediate younger sister who gained admission into one part-time school like that. Along the hussling line my spirit was broken by the happening in my family and was constantly been molested, as no one was home to supervise me while I was home, the older boy Musa in my house took advantage of me. (I hope I can forgive my parents)

Life continued, I graduated with a good grade, not the course I really wish to study though, I currently live and work in xyz state. And here is my confusion, my dad and mum still separated wants me to be calling them often, each time I give them a call, they'd questioned why didn't you call me earlier (selfish ). They don't even know where I work, talk less of where I live. Though they supported while I was in the university, but I still hussled to get school fees paid. I guess they want share returns (angry)

Nairalanders, I have seen people of wisdom here, which is why I am pouring out my mind and my life story, though some part are shameful reason why I did not shed more light. So please advice me because I feel like forgetting my parents and just keeping in touch with my immediate sister. Not the ones that grew up with mum cos they are disappointments.

With this experience, I naturally don't feel like getting married.

I hope to see comments that will change my life. Thank you in advance.

An0nimus:

you will be amazed.

ATMC:
Sweetheart

lollmaolol:
Pardon me Nairalanders,

I m not a good writer, I'll start here sometimes in 1998 my dad turned my mum into a punching bag and he sent her packing accusing her of outshining him, as an 11 year old first son of my mum I took her side because the beating was too much. I figured out mum was seeing another man.

I don't know who advised mum, but she went to court to seek divorce papers, so court dissolved the marriage. I was almost graduating from my primary school then. I started missing mum on my graduation day, only dad was there, mum had left with my 2 younger siblings. Shortly after the divorce, mum re-married to another.

Our family is Muslim family as my mum was the second wife, the first wife also left him (I was too young to understand reason for divorce) , now he started bringing in different women home to the one room apartment he occupied in his uncle's place more than 35 years ago (he is still in that house currently here in xyz state).

As day goes by, I and my younger sister with him were going to school till we both graduated from high school, the other two also graduated but the story didn't end well with them as they are currently baby mama. Only immediate sister got married and is with her husband.

Being the only male child, I had to leave house and hussle, I have worked in several odd places you could ever think of. I was able to gain admission into the university but my other siblings could not, except immediate younger sister who gained admission into one part-time school like that. Along the hussling line my spirit was broken by the happening in my family and was constantly been molested, as no one was home to supervise me while I was home, the older boy Musa in my house took advantage of me. (I hope I can forgive my parents)

Life continued, I graduated with a good grade, not the course I really wish to study though, I currently live and work in xyz state. And here is my confusion, my dad and mum still separated wants me to be calling them often, each time I give them a call, they'd questioned why didn't you call me earlier (selfish ). They don't even know where I work, talk less of where I live. Though they supported while I was in the university, but I still hussled to get school fees paid. I guess they want share returns (angry)

Nairalanders, I have seen people of wisdom here, which is why I am pouring out my mind and my life story, though some part are shameful reason why I did not shed more light. So please advice me because I feel like forgetting my parents and just keeping in touch with my immediate sister. Not the ones that grew up with mum cos they are disappointments.

With this experience, I naturally don't feel like getting married.

I hope to see comments that will change my life. Thank you in advance.

MadCow1:
Sorry Bro..

You will be alright

edubaba:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/3594883_hooker_jpeg545590b9cb9f0d0e4034287b8103a389

An0nimus:

sweet'im

lollmaolol:
Pardon me Nairalanders,

I m not a good writer, I'll start here sometimes in 1998 my dad turned my mum into a punching bag and he sent her packing accusing her of outshining him, as an 11 year old first son of my mum I took her side because the beating was too much. I figured out mum was seeing another man.

I don't know who advised mum, but she went to court to seek divorce papers, so court dissolved the marriage. I was almost graduating from my primary school then. I started missing mum on my graduation day, only dad was there, mum had left with my 2 younger siblings. Shortly after the divorce, mum re-married to another.

Our family is Muslim family as my mum was the second wife, the first wife also left him (I was too young to understand reason for divorce) , now he started bringing in different women home to the one room apartment he occupied in his uncle's place more than 35 years ago (he is still in that house currently here in xyz state).

As day goes by, I and my younger sister with him were going to school till we both graduated from high school, the other two also graduated but the story didn't end well with them as they are currently baby mama. Only immediate sister got married and is with her husband.

Being the only male child, I had to leave house and hussle, I have worked in several odd places you could ever think of. I was able to gain admission into the university but my other siblings could not, except immediate younger sister who gained admission into one part-time school like that. Along the hussling line my spirit was broken by the happening in my family and was constantly been molested, as no one was home to supervise me while I was home, the older boy Musa in my house took advantage of me. (I hope I can forgive my parents)

Life continued, I graduated with a good grade, not the course I really wish to study though, I currently live and work in xyz state. And here is my confusion, my dad and mum still separated wants me to be calling them often, each time I give them a call, they'd questioned why didn't you call me earlier (selfish ). They don't even know where I work, talk less of where I live. Though they supported while I was in the university, but I still hussled to get school fees paid. I guess they want share returns (angry)

Nairalanders, I have seen people of wisdom here, which is why I am pouring out my mind and my life story, though some part are shameful reason why I did not shed more light. So please advice me because I feel like forgetting my parents and just keeping in touch with my immediate sister. Not the ones that grew up with mum cos they are disappointments.

With this experience, I naturally don't feel like getting married.

I hope to see comments that will change my life. Thank you in advance.

delishpot:
Jusgi g by many replies here, I see that Nigerians do not take phycological effects of abuse into consideration when dealing with people who have experienced traumatic pasts. This is why we have many normal looking mad people in naija. No one understands or reaches out to them. They expect them to just shake it off and move on with life.

ATMC:
It has tey on here o

MrEdimulo82:


You ultimately spoke well on this issue..as a matter of fact, @op story is an inch close to mine, and it's such a terrible one at that...his couraage to seek advise thru ds medium had inspired me. I will like to share mine and how well am doing on the path to healing which had started for quite a while, having listen to pro advice just like urs.

Another salient point u made - A wife won't bring nothing to you no matter how good she is,do not marry until you sort yourself out.Leave women alone for now. See, i was going to get married early enough ...... Thanks for ur advice.

keepingmum:
Sorry but can you please explain what your issues with your parents are? Specifically your mother and siblings?

You say you dont know who advised your mum to seek divorce; excuse me but in your own words, you acknowledge that
a) the beating was too much
b) your Father threw her OUT of the house
c) he accused her of outshining him?
d) your father still lives in his uncle's one room apartment 35 years after
e) your father couldnt keep 2 wives as both wives divorced him
f) your father kept bringing different women to the house, non of these women felt he was a husband material

What i have above there is a lazy man who could not provide for his home, love his wives nor even support his children; instead took out his frustrations on his wife.

Would you have preferred your mum remained till she was beaten to death? or remain celibate for the rest of her life? Is that how little you think of your mum? Do you not think that your mum deserves some respite, someone to love her, someone to look after the scars caused by your dad?

Now unto your sisters, your sisters are NOT babymama's because of a brokenhome. They are BM's because they CHOOSE that life. There are several BM's who came from loving homes so thats no excuse.

Finally, you say your parents didnt support you yet in the same sentence you say they supported you whilst in school. Its clear your parents arent rich/comfortable but they were able to support you from the little they had.

So please tell me, mr 30 something year old man, what do you want from your parents that you havent being given? Is it money, love?

May i suggest you go for therapy to re-orientate your mindset before you end up being a nightmare to the woman you marry. You are displaying the classic mindset of a potential abuser and i pray you seek the help you need

edwife:


Obama came from a loving family.His mother and grand parents were there for him, he might not have had a father-figure in his dad but he had in his grand-dad. He had the basic needs every child requires.Nobody abused him, he had love,protection and care.

lollmaolol:
Pardon me Nairalanders,

I m not a good writer, I'll start here sometimes in 1998 my dad turned my mum into a punching bag and he sent her packing accusing her of outshining him, as an 11 year old first son of my mum I took her side because the beating was too much. I figured out mum was seeing another man.

I don't know who advised mum, but she went to court to seek divorce papers, so court dissolved the marriage. I was almost graduating from my primary school then. I started missing mum on my graduation day, only dad was there, mum had left with my 2 younger siblings. Shortly after the divorce, mum re-married to another.

Our family is Muslim family as my mum was the second wife, the first wife also left him (I was too young to understand reason for divorce) , now he started bringing in different women home to the one room apartment he occupied in his uncle's place more than 35 years ago (he is still in that house currently here in xyz state).

As day goes by, I and my younger sister with him were going to school till we both graduated from high school, the other two also graduated but the story didn't end well with them as they are currently baby mama. Only immediate sister got married and is with her husband.

Being the only male child, I had to leave house and hussle, I have worked in several odd places you could ever think of. I was able to gain admission into the university but my other siblings could not, except immediate younger sister who gained admission into one part-time school like that. Along the hussling line my spirit was broken by the happening in my family and was constantly been molested, as no one was home to supervise me while I was home, the older boy Musa in my house took advantage of me. (I hope I can forgive my parents)

Life continued, I graduated with a good grade, not the course I really wish to study though, I currently live and work in xyz state. And here is my confusion, my dad and mum still separated wants me to be calling them often, each time I give them a call, they'd questioned why didn't you call me earlier (selfish ). They don't even know where I work, talk less of where I live. Though they supported while I was in the university, but I still hussled to get school fees paid. I guess they want share returns (angry)

Nairalanders, I have seen people of wisdom here, which is why I am pouring out my mind and my life story, though some part are shameful reason why I did not shed more light. So please advice me because I feel like forgetting my parents and just keeping in touch with my immediate sister. Not the ones that grew up with mum cos they are disappointments.

With this experience, I naturally don't feel like getting married.

I hope to see comments that will change my life. Thank you in advance.

Iefosa:
Sometimes things happen to us, we just can't explain. Op don't blame them, certain things are meant to happen. It's life. Forgive them. Now where you really got me pissed was when you said you ain't gonna marry? Seriously bro? You're supposed to prove them wrong by getting married and live happily with your wife. Your dad has two wives and they both left him,he is the bad person. Bringing up kids by both parents is one hell of a task not to talk of single parenting ,don't blame your sisters, their suffering far more than yours, what I want from you now is to be super successful and join the whole family, you're the only son for a reason, fulfill destiny, be madly successful. #peace

delishpot:
Judging by many replies here, I see that Nigerians do not take phycological effects of abuse into consideration when dealing with people who have experienced traumatic pasts. This is why we have many normal looking mad people in naija. No one understands or reaches out to them. They expect them to just shake it off and move on with life.

MrEdimulo82:


You ultimately spoke well on this issue..as a matter of fact, @op story is an inch close to mine, and it's such a terrible one at that...his couraage to seek advise thru ds medium had inspired me. I will like to share mine and how well am doing on the path to healing which had started for quite a while, having listen to pro advice just like urs.

Another salient point u made - A wife won't bring nothing to you no matter how good she is,do not marry until you sort yourself out.Leave women alone for now. See, i was going to get married early enough and put all behind me just so I can focus on my life...I felt a deep inside that this hurt may affect my marriage as a matter of fact, it affected the relationship - going - to marriage I had then. I used to say to a childhood friend that making the mistake of my parents will be my worst misery in life and can actually take my life. am not married but I passionately do not wish my wife and kids to go thru what i am going thru. Let's put it to a stop here. Thanks for ur advice.

lollmaolol:

Please help me thank Nairaland supermod, and my profound gratitude to all Nairalanders who has contributed so far. (Lala....., barca...)
For me, healing process has already begun from here.. Glad I met you all