here we go..
here we go..
its really tough. maybe tougher than i presume.. but the center of all this rest on how u do or will choose to perceive life. psychology is like a paradox of who we turn up to be or who we choose to be.. i will always prefer the later, as its the only aspect i believe i can alter especially when the developmental harm has been done. how u proceed from here and who you turn out to be will depend on the spectacle with which u will choose to see your past, present and future..
you have to find that peace within yourself. cause you wont get that anywhere.
i know u may be the big bro.. but you need to cut yourself some slack from family issues and responsibility say for some month and try meeting new people. then after start a relationship built sole of communication. it will amaze you the magic love can do.
you must learn to communicate well in whatever relationship you may choose to go into. its your only lifeline considering you already have too much stored charges
forgive your parents and tell them plainly your dissatisfactions anytime you feel it, you are a man already and stop worrying over some seemingly trivial issues. maintain peace with yourself
make sure you try piling up some financial savings no matter how hard it may seem. savings give some sense of security. on the other side economic turmoil is a strong trigger of stress, which wont go down well some of the risk factors you already posses.

always remember this that the they are people out there with bigger issues, fending maybe better.. and that you are always better than a dead man.
wishing you the best. i hope this benefits you and others in similar shoes.

Marriage is sweet when you're with the right person. The fact that your father didn't get it right doesn't mean you won't make a good husband and a perfect father. Just be careful in choosing your life partner by praying for God's guidance and I'm sure you'll be happy for it. Please don't let your families's case define you permanently. You need to get married.

I am going to put sentiments and bible aside, lets face it

Life wasn't fair to you, you already know this am sure
These guys, though your parent never cared that much whether you sleep under the bridge or not.
Yes they are your parent but i am sure, along the line, so strangers were even more of a parent than they were.

Here is my piece, DONT go out of your way for these selfish guys, because if you had turned to Anini or Shina rambo as a result of their gross negligence, They will change their phone numbers the moment they realize you have it and even change their surnames if possible.

But look at you, Life is beginning to smile at you, and then they are beginning to mark territories and competing with each other over who gets the larger "ounje omo"

I will say, any extra you have, invest it and ensure your kids dont suffer like you did.
if you see their situation getting bad, assist, but dont put them first, put your children's future first.

Sorry my dear, I had desame experience. Be strong and hold onto God

@Keepingmum. Special Advisers on Nairaland without Empathy.

Even people with worst case scenario than that of Op are still giving advice, when they can't figure out their own life.

lollmaolol:
Pardon me Nairalanders,

I m not a good writer, I'll start here sometimes in 1998 my dad turned my mum into a punching bag and he sent her packing accusing her of outshining him, as an 11 year old first son of my mum I took her side because the beating was too much. I figured out mum was seeing another man.

I don't know who advised mum, but she went to court to seek divorce papers, so court dissolved the marriage. I was almost graduating from my primary school then. I started missing mum on my graduation day, only dad was there, mum had left with my 2 younger siblings. Shortly after the divorce, mum re-married to another.

Our family is Muslim family as my mum was the second wife, the first wife also left him (I was too young to understand reason for divorce) , now he started bringing in different women home to the one room apartment he occupied in his uncle's place more than 35 years ago (he is still in that house currently here in xyz state).

As day goes by, I and my younger sister with him were going to school till we both graduated from high school, the other two also graduated but the story didn't end well with them as they are currently baby mama. Only immediate sister got married and is with her husband.

Being the only male child, I had to leave house and hussle, I have worked in several odd places you could ever think of. I was able to gain admission into the university but my other siblings could not, except immediate younger sister who gained admission into one part-time school like that. Along the hussling line my spirit was broken by the happening in my family and was constantly been molested, as no one was home to supervise me while I was home, the older boy Musa in my house took advantage of me. (I hope I can forgive my parents)

Life continued, I graduated with a good grade, not the course I really wish to study though, I currently live and work in xyz state. And here is my confusion, my dad and mum still separated wants me to be calling them often, each time I give them a call, they'd questioned why didn't you call me earlier (selfish ). They don't even know where I work, talk less of where I live. Though they supported while I was in the university, but I still hussled to get school fees paid. I guess they want share returns (angry)

Nairalanders, I have seen people of wisdom here, which is why I am pouring out my mind and my life story, though some part are shameful reason why I did not shed more light. So please advice me because I feel like forgetting my parents and just keeping in touch with my immediate sister. Not the ones that grew up with mum cos they are disappointments.

With this experience, I naturally don't feel like getting married.

I hope to see comments that will change my life. Thank you in advance.

First of all.. You have to reborn yourself,i mean remove their thought from your head,If not u will lose everything you have laboured for. Same thing happened to me,i kept their thought in my head,i lost a job i built the connection within 4months in just 2weeks, now i'm suffering from putting their problems in my head. I was duely advice by an uncle not to put their issues in my head but i turn deaf ears,now I lost a beautiful job just because i couldn't concetrate. Please move on with your life,make new friends,get married,carefully select your partner,Remove their thought from you,call them whenever u felt like, they shouldn't impose anything on you,when to call or why u didn't call. Bro Reborn youself,leave a new life,you are even lucky,u'v graduated already,i'm yet to graduate,had to pause school for a year. ThankGod i'm moving on bit by bit. Bro Move On. Hold on to God! God bless You!

My dear I feel ur pain, but don't let them define u, they lived their lives made their decisions, but here u are, strong bold and fearless. U choose ur part and made it. If not for anytin God is proud of you. I'd say u should forgive them, take care of dem d way u can whatever happened in d past should be left there. As for no wanting to get married u can't let their experience or mistakes make or mare u. Ur strong and with God by ur side ur life will be different from theirs. Change d mentality go out find love and experience it. It's well my prayers are with you all day long.

Ur from a broken home and can't make a good home either, must u comment when u already know ur brain is deposited in ur ass. Mtsheeeeww

keepingmum:
Sorry but can you please explain what your issues with your parents are? Specifically your mother and siblings?

You say you dont know who advised your mum to seek divorce; excuse me but in your own words, you acknowledge that
a) the beating was too much
b) your Father threw her OUT of the house
c) he accused her of outshining him?
d) your father still lives in his uncle's one room apartment 35 years after
e) your father couldnt keep 2 wives as both wives divorced him
f) your father kept bringing different women to the house, non of these women felt he was a husband material

What i have above there is a lazy man who could not provide for his home, love his wives nor even support his children; instead took out his frustrations on his wife.

Would you have preferred your mum remained till she was beaten to death? or remain celibate for the rest of her life? Is that how little you think of your mum? Do you not think that your mum deserves some respite, someone to love her, someone to look after the scars caused by your dad?

Now unto your sisters, your sisters are NOT babymama's because of a brokenhome. They are BM's because they CHOOSE that life. There are several BM's who came from loving homes so thats no excuse.

Finally, you say your parents didnt support you yet in the same sentence you say they supported you whilst in school. Its clear your parents arent rich/comfortable but they were able to support you from the little they had.

So please tell me, mr 30 something year old man, what do you want from your parents that you havent being given? Is it money, love?

May i suggest you go for therapy to re-orientate your mindset before you end up being a nightmare to the woman you marry. You are displaying the classic mindset of a potential abuser and i pray you seek the help you need

its normal to be angry, but first you have to get over the anger,it's even beginning to affect you outlook on marriage, I mean it when I say people have been through a lot as a result of broken or polygamous homes,wait till you hear another version, the only way to get past hurt is to be better, there is no way you can have that close relationship with your parents like it should be,I won't lie about that,but first get past that hurt,else it could have adverse effect on your love life,it's all about being better,it's not easy to let go,but it's possible,it's for your own good,it's not easy especially when the parties involved do not see they have hurt you, so they do not see a need to apologize, that why you need to let go for your own peace of mind

Many people will say, 'Forgive your parents', my advice is dont forgive them. Your parents lived their lives so dont let their heartless actions define you.

You must become everything that your Dad wasnt.

Your mum be-friended someone else while in the marriage and divorced, then got married to someone else. She was selfish, yes, for her, it was all about herself.

My advise; A tree that spreads branches at tender age can not grow tall. Move on with your life at this stage, and learn from your Dad's weakness, build a house first before marriage, but do not allow their stupidity to define who you are.

Flexherbal:
Divorce always has a negative impact on the children.

Should one die over a bad marriage for kids that will grow up and live their lives ?

If a woman or a man isn't giving you what you deserve in any marriage just walk away - life is too short to be spent in bitterness and agony.

lollmaolol:
Pardon me Nairalanders,

Thank you in advance.

The danger in life is not to repeat the lifestyle of our parents. Many times in life things they did hurt us that we may be tempted to forsake them. However we usually need to be careful how we allow our experience defined us. We grew up with our parents and often we have been unconsciously conditioned to follow their life pattern. We usually must not forget that no one grew up planning to fail, so even the parents are victims of what they call social conditioning.
Remedy is that we need to empathise rather than condemn our parents. We must forget whatever ill we think they have done us. Grudges often time set us too on the path of irresponsible and damaging vengeance. We become so bitter it affects us and spill into other aspect of our lives.
We need to take stock, look at their lives, consider their history and use that to evaluate our own lives to ensure we are not already towing that same pattern that will lead us to the same bustop we met our parents. It is often easier to condemn but the truth is if we live the lives our parents live, we will get the results they get.
My brother hold no grudge against your parents, do all within your power to help and see what you can without any iota of bitterness learn from their lives to make you a better and more successful version of them. Resentment will only take you on the same path as theirs.

keepingmum:
Sorry but can you please explain what your issues with your parents are? Specifically your mother and siblings?

You say you dont know who advised your mum to seek divorce; excuse me but in your own words, you acknowledge that
a) the beating was too much
b) your Father threw her OUT of the house
c) he accused her of outshining him?
d) your father still lives in his uncle's one room apartment 35 years after
e) your father couldnt keep 2 wives as both wives divorced him
f) your father kept bringing different women to the house, non of these women felt he was a husband material

What i have above there is a lazy man who could not provide for his home, love his wives nor even support his children; instead took out his frustrations on his wife.

Would you have preferred your mum remained till she was beaten to death? or remain celibate for the rest of her life? Is that how little you think of your mum? Do you not think that your mum deserves some respite, someone to love her, someone to look after the scars caused by your dad?

Now unto your sisters, your sisters are NOT babymama's because of a brokenhome. They are BM's because they CHOOSE that life. There are several BM's who came from loving homes so thats no excuse.

Finally, you say your parents didnt support you yet in the same sentence you say they supported you whilst in school. Its clear your parents arent rich/comfortable but they were able to support you from the little they had.

So please tell me, mr 30 something year old man, what do you want from your parents that you havent being given? Is it money, love?

May i suggest you go for therapy to re-orientate your mindset before you end up being a nightmare to the woman you marry. You are displaying the classic mindset of a potential abuser and i pray you seek the help you need

I really dont think a girl from a loving home becomes a baby mama. There is this feeling of inadequacy, low self worth, the longing to belong that push them into it. How many homes cater to the emotional needs of their children? From your reply, I can deduce how you train your kids. With brutality and harshness.

nasha1 tvpost=44632129:


u must be a very wicked wo

---

man.u urself has been emotionally and verbally abused by ur ex husband so i am not surprise at the venom u are spewing here to this man who had a terrible childhood.
ur wickedness could not let u see that the mother left,and divorce and was not sent out of the house.
ur wickedness could not let u see dat he said he was too young 2 understand divorce and why his mother didn't come 4 his graduation only his dad was there.
u also need to heal and redress ur mind,kids need both parents and a secure home.Ur a single mother too,don't leave ur child and 30 years later tell him dat u left his dad becoz he was abusing u nd therefore they should just accept it and move on.
u suggest therapy so dat he can accept dat his mother was an angel but his father a monster,but not therapy for his internal wound from the abuse and neglect he suffered as a child.U see why Nigerians are very frustrated nd brute.

She is more correct than you abusing her,she sees it from the phycological aspects and she is a realist, most people tend to transfer their bad or traumatic experiences into marriages, most people who had deficient upbringing tends to exhibit some type of delinquent behaviours as they grow up,victims of domestic,sexual and other types of abuse always suffer from PTSD. Studies have shown most happy homes is as a result of good childhood experience, you can't give what you don't have. People don't ask questions of their partners past and childhood anymore which had lead to most broken home of recent.

Be strong, forgive your parents, my story is similar, but I thank God today for who I am.

Truckpusher:
Should one die over a bad marriage for kids that will grow up and live their lives ?

If a woman or a man isn't giving you what you deserve in any marriage just walk away - life is too short to be spent in bitterness and agony.

good question

So sad, I feel ur pains

edwife:


Thank you very much for this post, no wonder we have a lot of angry,frustrated and nasty people in Nigeria."No one cares because they have been through worst" you will hear many Nigerians say. Human compassion is close to nothing.

This guy doesn't just need "forgive and move on because he is an adult" ,this is just one of the many steps he should take.
He needs psychological help.

His childhood was chartered by many events ranging from:

-his mother's abuse
-His mother's abandonment
-His father bringing in different women at such a tender age
-Him being sexually abused

-Lack of love
-Lack of a normal childhood
-Fending for himself at such a tender age

He had a rough childhood and still he has no one to turn to. He did more than enough in giving himself education and being responsible not many came this far.

Dear lollmaolol, what you need now is a professional to speak to.Don not ignore it and "just shake it off".It is not something you can shake off because you are an adult.Seek professional help, you need to heal psychologically and mentally.

Family history of violence, sexual abuse by a female, maternal neglect, and lack of supervision were all associated with a threefold-increased risk that the abused would become an abuser.

You might not see it now but you will end up having trust issues in your own word:


A wife won't bring nothing to you no matter how good she is,do not marry until you sort yourself out.Leave women alone for now.

For your parents, you should talk to them and let them know how you truly feel, then tell them that they should let you sort yourself out first and that you will communicate with them when you feel you are ready,how long it will take you to forgive them and get over that it is entirely based on how well you feel. Healing is a long process and should never be rushed.

I wish you well and I appreciate you courage to come forward and seek help ,it is a great step to your healing journey.
May you find closure and become the man you want to be.

You ultimately spoke well on this issue..as a matter of fact, @op story is an inch close to mine, and it's such a terrible one at that...his couraage to seek advise thru ds medium had inspired me. I will like to share mine and how well am doing on the path to healing which had started for quite a while, having listen to pro advice just like urs.

Another salient point u made - A wife won't bring nothing to you no matter how good she is,do not marry until you sort yourself out.Leave women alone for now. See, i was going to get married early enough and put all behind me just so I can focus on my life...I felt a deep inside that this hurt may affect my marriage as a matter of fact, it affected the relationship - going - to marriage I had then. I used to say to a childhood friend that making the mistake of my parents will be my worst misery in life and can actually take my life. am not married but I passionately do not wish my wife and kids to go thru what i am going thru. Let's put it to a stop here. Thanks for ur advice.

edwife:


Thank you very much for this post, no wonder we have a lot of angry,frustrated and nasty people in Nigeria."No one cares because they have been through worst" you will hear many Nigerians say. Human compassion is close to nothing.

This guy doesn't just need "forgive and move on because he is an adult" ,this is just one of the many steps he should take.
He needs psychological help.

His childhood was chartered by many events ranging from:

-his mother's abuse
-His mother's abandonment
-His father bringing in different women at such a tender age
-Him being sexually abused

-Lack of love
-Lack of a normal childhood
-Fending for himself at such a tender age

He had a rough childhood and still he has no one to turn to. He did more than enough in giving himself education and being responsible not many came this far.

Dear lollmaolol, what you need now is a professional to speak to.Don not ignore it and "just shake it off".It is not something you can shake off because you are an adult.Seek professional help, you need to heal psychologically and mentally.

Family history of violence, sexual abuse by a female, maternal neglect, and lack of supervision were all associated with a threefold-increased risk that the abused would become an abuser.

You might not see it now but you will end up having trust issues in your own word:


A wife won't bring nothing to you no matter how good she is,do not marry until you sort yourself out.Leave women alone for now.

For your parents, you should talk to them and let them know how you truly feel, then tell them that they should let you sort yourself out first and that you will communicate with them when you feel you are ready,how long it will take you to forgive them and get over that it is entirely based on how well you feel. Healing is a long process and should never be rushed.

I wish you well and I appreciate you courage to come forward and seek help ,it is a great step to your healing journey.
May you find closure and become the man you want to be.

You ultimately spoke well on this issue..as a matter of fact, @op story is an inch close to mine, and it's such a terrible one at that...his courage to seek advise thru ds medium had inspired me. I will like to share mine and how well am doing on the path to healing which had started for quite a while, having listen to pro advice just like urs.

Another salient point u made - A wife won't bring nothing to you no matter how good she is,do not marry until you sort yourself out.Leave women alone for now. See, i was going to get married early enough and put all behind me just so I can focus on my life...I felt a deep inside that this hurt may affect my marriage as a matter of fact, it affected the relationship - going - to marriage I had then. I used to say to a childhood friend that making the mistake of my parents will be my worst misery in life and can actually take my life. am not married but I passionately do not wish my wife and kids to go thru what i am going thru. Let's put it to a stop here. Thanks for ur advice.

lollmaolol:
Pardon me Nairalanders,

I m not a good writer, I'll start here sometimes in 1998 my dad turned my mum into a punching bag and he sent her packing accusing her of outshining him, as an 11 year old first son of my mum I took her side because the beating was too much. I figured out mum was seeing another man.

I don't know who advised mum, but she went to court to seek divorce papers, so court dissolved the marriage. I was almost graduating from my primary school then. I started missing mum on my graduation day, only dad was there, mum had left with my 2 younger siblings. Shortly after the divorce, mum re-married to another.

Our family is Muslim family as my mum was the second wife, the first wife also left him (I was too young to understand reason for divorce) , now he started bringing in different women home to the one room apartment he occupied in his uncle's place more than 35 years ago (he is still in that house currently here in xyz state).

As day goes by, I and my younger sister with him were going to school till we both graduated from high school, the other two also graduated but the story didn't end well with them as they are currently baby mama. Only immediate sister got married and is with her husband.

Being the only male child, I had to leave house and hussle, I have worked in several odd places you could ever think of. I was able to gain admission into the university but my other siblings could not, except immediate younger sister who gained admission into one part-time school like that. Along the hussling line my spirit was broken by the happening in my family and was constantly been molested, as no one was home to supervise me while I was home, the older boy Musa in my house took advantage of me. (I hope I can forgive my parents)

Life continued, I graduated with a good grade, not the course I really wish to study though, I currently live and work in xyz state. And here is my confusion, my dad and mum still separated wants me to be calling them often, each time I give them a call, they'd questioned why didn't you call me earlier (selfish ). They don't even know where I work, talk less of where I live. Though they supported while I was in the university, but I still hussled to get school fees paid. I guess they want share returns (angry)

Nairalanders, I have seen people of wisdom here, which is why I am pouring out my mind and my life story, though some part are shameful reason why I did not shed more light. So please advice me because I feel like forgetting my parents and just keeping in touch with my immediate sister. Not the ones that grew up with mum cos they are disappointments.

With this experience, I naturally don't feel like getting married.

I hope to see comments that will change my life. Thank you in advance.

My brother shey be because God has help you thats why you are alive to tell us this story abi?

Just be happy and move onbcos if i decide to share my own story here you willbe happy of your own...........my father sent my mother packing when i was 3yrs and i was raised by practically everyone in the street while my mum made several effort to reach but my dad rebuffed but today my story is different and am happily married too.

God will help you to heal your wound

nasha1:


u must be a very wicked woman.u urself has been emotionally and verbally abused by ur ex husband so i am not surprise at the venom u are spewing here to this man who had a terrible childhood.
ur wickedness could not let u see that the mother left,and divorce and was not sent out of the house.
ur wickedness could not let u see dat he said he was too young 2 understand divorce and why his mother didn't come 4 his graduation only his dad was there.
u also need to heal and redress ur mind,kids need both parents and a secure home.Ur a single mother too,don't leave ur child and 30 years later tell him dat u left his dad becoz he was abusing u nd therefore they should just accept it and move on.
u suggest therapy so dat he can accept dat his mother was an angel but his father a monster,but not therapy for his internal wound from the abuse and neglect he suffered as a child.U see why Nigerians are very frustrated nd brute.

haba where you guys quarelling before?

pinkpearl17:

[/b]I really dont think a girl from a loving home becomes a baby mama. There is this feeling of inadequacy, low self worth, the longing to belong that push them into it[b]. How many homes cater to the emotional needs of their children?.

Really?

How about those that become baby mamas by mistake?

What I can infer from your statement is that it is most likely a baby mama is from an unloving home, correct me if I assumed wrongly. If I am right then your statement is quite wrong.

nkemdi89:

She is more correct than you abusing her,she sees it from the phycological aspects and she is a realist, most people tend to transfer their bad or traumatic experiences into marriages, most people who had deficient upbringing tends to exhibit some type of delinquent behaviours as they grow up,victims of domestic,sexual and other types of abuse always suffer from PTSD. Studies have shown most happy homes is as a result of good childhood experience, you can't give what you don't have. People don't ask questions of their partners past and childhood anymore which had lead to most broken home of recent.

PTSD kwa? Did the guy fight a war?

OP put the past behind and move on. Try to heal yourself and get married and raise your own family in a better way.

Sorry ops for the ordeal you experienced.

Is there any known psychological center where people with pain can receive counseling? Can anyone assist the ops with details of such?

Bros,

As much touching as your true life story is, I still want you to know that for everything in life there is a reason. While I may not know the reason why your situation turns out this way during childhood yet, I believe in all these God has seen you through for a purpose. As a Graduate now working and perhaps living the life you dreamt of, it is now time to ask yourself these questions:

1. Was it through your strength that God saw you and your other Sis through in the University?
2. What if all these happened in your family for a purpose which can only be fillfulled through you?
3. What if God positioned you in that family for a purpose like bringing the family members together?
4. What if you have been chosen by God to make your family great in life?

I am sorry I could continue with many more questions but for space sake, I want you not to take revenge in any way.
God has been so faithful to you perhaps despite your unfaithfulness and here you are...
Accept them as your parents and continue keeping in touch with them. If you have money, take good care of them.

Please let me share this personal story with you:
I lost my Daddy when I was just 6 Years and my Mum was there for me and today I am relatively comfortable.
I built my first house in the village to ensure my Mum was comfortable and from time to time she was always in the City to enjoy with me.
Just this January I finished my Duplex and Bungalow in PH expecting my Mum to come over and stay pernamently in the City with me but JUST 3 days to her coming she passed away without any serious sickness except for Malaria.

She will be burried next month and I just wish I could have given out these houses just to save her life.
There is nothing life family despite how they wrong us before. Her death have devastated me in a lot of ways....

Accept your family... No family is perfect....Neither is yours. DON"T TELL ME I WON'T UNDERSTAND

bros, you have to forgive your parent and be happy with because of you. bible says honor your father and your mother that it mat be well with you. it didnt say when they are good no condition to it. you can love them from distance but dont say something bad about them. extend your kind gesture to them.send them gifts. all these things is because of yourself, because no matter what you do it will be hard. i know its hard to do but please do forgive and reconciled with them. also make up your mind not to go that way they went. you have to get married to show them marriage works otherwise they will tell you reasons why they did that. what we do today is not because of us but of those coming after us. some one needs this story one day to be better. God bless you as you do.

Wat a story,its a bold tin u cud even speak out, every family has stories no family is perfect, I will say u shud be greatfull u cud decipher the happenings. Now my advice goes thUs


1) pls don't call ur sis disapoinments,dey nid jus as the rest,call dem encourage dem, hlp dem in every way u can, even u hav done some tins thank God for his mercies ova ur life. Dey nid u

2) forgive ur past don't blame anybody, not all road to succes is wide nd clean,urs is rough u ve acpt it den liv wit it.there is lite at d end of the tunnel.

3) ur parent forget dere jeaoulsy, call dem support dem pray for dem nd preach GOD in there life,the bible say honour thy parent so u may liv long, no matter. Wat ur parent hav done or are still doin or will still do forgive dem nd honour dem, surely u shall receive blessings u neva imagine dere life can be a blessing to u try and grab d rhema around this circumstance. B wise Bro nd the lord will shoot u forward in life.

My friend (permit me to refer to you as such), thanks to God for your courage and survival energy. Its unfortunate that you went through those horrors and inmaginable pasts..but like it was, learn to make them stored in your past. As for forgiving your parents, its a needful action to cleanse your soul of bitterness and unnecessary burden of hatred. Forgiving them might be a tall order, but they are your parents and they cant be replaced...FORGIVE THEM.
As for the aspect of their whinning about how often you should call, let them understand your position. You are a man and an angry one at that, express your anger (not volatile or abusive) respectfully. Let it be done in a way that will make them remorsed and ashamed of their past actions to you and your siblings (without being rude). This is necessary and essential for your own sake.
As for their expectation from you, if you forgive and made them realize their selfish mistakes, your relationship with them would be born out of love and not struggle; thus it would be easy to stretch your hand to them.
God has saved you and He is taking you somewhere great, dont clog yourself with these anger.

slightlyMad:
I am going to put sentiments and bible aside, lets face it

Life wasn't fair to you, you already know this am sure
These guys, though your parent never cared that much whether you sleep under the bridge or not.
Yes they are your parent but i am sure, along the line, so strangers were even more of a parent than they were.

Here is my piece, DONT go out of your way for these selfish guys, because if you had turned to Anini or Shina rambo as a result of their gross negligence, They will change their phone numbers the moment they realize you have it and even change their surnames if possible.

But look at you, Life is beginning to smile at you, and then they are beginning to mark territories and competing with each other over who gets the larger "ounje omo"

I will say, any extra you have, invest it and ensure your kids dont suffer like you did.
if you see their situation getting bad, assist, but dont put them first, put your children's future first.

GBAM....!!!!

Bae, your moniker is wrong, you head correct.

The truth is, your parent don't care to know how their actions affected you.

Some parents are just wierd and selfish, they only care about their rights on their children and not their children rights on them.

OP the truth is, they didnt fufill their end of the bargain so dont bother yourself worrying wether you are beign good to them enough.

LOVE your parents, regardless of their struggles in the past, and stop ASSUMING that their greed is what s keeping them around.

MARKone:

But your mother quick remarry sha

Muslim home, thats why Sokoto and Kano organise weddings with State funds regularly.

@OP, reach out to your sisters whom you call disappointments, give them hope and it may turn their lives around. They also suffered from the same situation as you. This is the reason you will have to stay away from polygamy, be open minded and look for a nice lady that will love and stand by you to marry.
Dont begrudge your parents