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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego (1465489 Views)
akpos funniest joke, and more. / 24/7 Nigeria Jokes Update / Real Funny Nigeria Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:34am On Apr 16, 2016 |
After Buhari was announced as the winner of the
presidential election, people started trekking for him
. A man trekked from Lagos to Abuja and
we thought the people were insane, and never knew they
were being prophetic, they saw the future.
Now everybody is trekking. Whether you like it or not you must trek. Now Nigeria is in the period of mass trekking for Buhari. Well, all the same, the children of Israel trekked from Egypt to the promise land. It's now our turn; Nigerians are trekking to their promise land. Turn to your neighbour and say, Neighbour! Shout neighbour! I will 'trek' there before you. Happy trekking!!! 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by oladoja19(m): 10:10pm On Apr 17, 2016 |
I'm tired of this Dettol
Adverts, children
nowadays believe there
are Germs
everywhere....
My 5 yr old Nephew goes around with a Dettol can in his
pocket.
He Sprinkles his friends
before he plays
with them.....
Sprinkles his books before reading.....
This morning, my tea
and bread tasted
awful...I Took a few sips n bites
before I realized
my Nephew had poured
Dettol in my
Breakfast to kill germs.... If my
nephew doesn't kill
me,who
will? 5 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:27pm On Apr 17, 2016 |
A MUST READ FOR ALL
TEACHERS Teacher Ovie Philip was very sad when he heard about the death of his dear mother in the village. He least expected it because his mum only complained of a slight headache and needed just a first aid medical attention. Teacher Ovie rushed to the village to ascertain facts and cause of his mum's death. At the village clinic, the medical doctor invited him inside his office to explain the circumstances that led to his mum's death. The doctor looked on his table a couple of times before opening his mouth to say, "Teacher Ovie, this is the prescription meant for your mother". As he lifted the paper into the air as though he was showing it to God. He continued, "Instead of this drug on this paper before me, she administered this one" showing the empty container to Teacher Ovie, "It was thirty minutes later before it was noticed by one of our senior nurses who was also going to get a drug from the pharmacy." The doctor added, "Teacher Ovie, we are very very sorry for this mishap. Forgive us." The doctor landed. Teacher Ovie asked, "May I please see the two nurses? I mean the one who gave out the drug and the one who administered it." The doctor slapped the office bell on his table and a young nurse rushed in. "Please call me Susan Agharite and Onome Yole" The doctor instructed. Teacher Ovie's heart leaped up on hearing the two familiar names. Teacher Ovie was dumbfounded when he finally saw the figures standing before him. They were the two girls he aided to pass their WAEC exams. He smuggled their answer booklets out of the exam room for some scouts to copy the answers for them. Each scored A in Maths and Biology, Physics and Chemistry. In fact their grades can be envied by even a professor. The doctor watched Mr Ovie expecting a certain line of action, but Mr Ovie turned slowly towards the doctor and whispered silently in pain, "I murdered my own mother five years ago." Are you a teacher? Do you give your students the chance to study and be tested independently? Do you 'write' exams your students are supposed to be writing? Please don't start killing a friend or family from today. May God be with us all in Jesus name, Amen! 5 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by scentmarlc(m): 1:13pm On Apr 18, 2016 |
#TeamLanicky |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by scentmarlc(m): 1:28pm On Apr 18, 2016 |
#TeamLanicky |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Lawcurrent(m): 1:59pm On Apr 18, 2016 |
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcFtPFa4GMs How students hate afternoon class even the teacher made it more hilarious and you will be smiling all day after watching it. Kindly subscribe to our channel today! |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:10pm On Apr 18, 2016 |
A fine and sweet lady went to a pastor and said , "Pastor I'm above 40 and still single. I've gone out with twenty guys but when time calls for marriage they……" She started crying. "My daughter stop crying, I think you have a spiritual husband." Said the pastor. "Yes I have noticed that and that's why I'm here for you to help me." The pastor got attracted to her sweet body and wanted to take advantage of it. He gazed at her romantically and said, "You see, your spiritual husband kept some repellants in your privates. So I need to go in there, destroy it and then anoint the place." "But that's against the will of God" said the lady. The pastor got angry and said, "Are you here to teach me the bible or you came for deliverance?" . "Forgive me sir." "Don`t you know that some demons require extra ordinary pattern before you can get rid of them." explained the pastor. The frustrated lady accepted. After few minutes of love making he said to her, "You are now free and will get married soonest." The lady thanked him and said, "I hope any man that makes love to me from today will no longer die." 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:14am On Apr 19, 2016 |
A man went to a night club with his wife.
As they were sitting down drinking, the
wife saw her ex lover.
She then said to her husband, "Darling can
you see that bastard dancing over there?".
"Yes, any problem?" asked the husband.
"He is the one I told you that I dated all
my life and he dumped me on the altar
during our wedding." Said the wife.
The man said with a loud voice, "What! Are
you serious?" "Yes darling!" replied the wife.
The man stood up and walked towards the
guy while his wife followed him.
He tapped the guy on the shoulder and said,
"Hey young man, it's a pleasure
to meet you."
The surprised guy asked, "Sir, please, may I
know you". The man replied, "I'm the fool that married this good for
nothing woman. You are such a lucky
man. Enjoy yourself man". 5 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:59pm On Apr 19, 2016 |
Yesterday I took a girl out on a date and after we finished eating I went to pay for the food. The waiter didn't have 500 naira change to give to me. I asked the girl to sit down and let's wait for the waiter to go look for change for me and surprisingly she said I was embarrasing her that I should act like a big boy and leave the change for the waiter. Is she crazy? Is she mad? Does she know the things 500 naira can do? I guess she doesn't. Well, let me highlight few of the things 500 naira can do. 500 naira can buy you 5 loaves of bread and two fishes if you are lucky to have Jesus around you, you will feed 5,000 people. Is that the money she want me to leave? Sardine = N150 Indomie (Hungry man size) = N100 2 Eggs = N60 Plastic Coke = 100 Total = N410 And you say 500 naira is a small money? 500 naira that I'll use to buy 3 albums and good earpiece? Rice N100 Beans N50 Meat N100 Plastic malt N100 And the remaining 150 to play Bet9ja and she is saying 500 naira is a chicken change? It's not a chicken change but a buffalo change. I swear she is not alright. Half carton of Indomie is even N500 naira sef, and she doesn't know? Do you know how many players Arsene Wenger of Arsenal will buy with 500 Naira? The most annoying thing is that it's possible that this girl has never given 500 naira offering in church. You won't know the value of 500 naira until you borrow 500 naira credit from MTN and you finished using it and it's now time to pay back. 6 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:34pm On Apr 20, 2016 |
A friend and I were exchanging words about AS and AA blood type.
I asked my Mum about my blood type. Me: Mummy! She: Yes Ofego, what is it?. Me: Which blood type am I? . She: Blood of Jesus. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:52am On Apr 21, 2016 |
WOMEN WILL ALWAYS BE WOMEN. A newly married couple were taking a walk when a dog suddenly ran towards them, and threatened to bite. They both knew it would bite them. Then the husband lifted the wife up to let the dog bite him instead. The dog stopped before them, barked and barked for a while and ran backwards, and left them. The husband put the wife down expecting a kiss or a hug from her for being so protective of her. But instead the wife shouted, "I have seen people throwing stones and sticks at dogs but this is the first time I am seeing someone trying to throw his wife at a dog". One Word For This Woman. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Principe67(m): 11:57am On Apr 21, 2016 |
Your mom is sure in the spirit, njuwo: |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:36am On Apr 22, 2016 |
WHITE NURSES VS NIGERIAN NURSES. If you see where a woman is giving birth oversea, even as a man you would want to get pregnant. In oversea, for only one woman in labour, you will see An Obstetrician, A Gynecologist, A General Surgeon, A Specialist Surgeon, An Anesthestist, A Registered Nurse /Midwife/, plus Social Welfare Officer and So On. And they pet a woman in labour that's why it is called Delivery Room over there. But in Nigeria it is called "Labour Room" and if you see what women go through there, you will agree with me that it should also be called "Confession Room". Nigerian Nurses makes pregnancy look like a criminal offence, and the worse thing is that they are in every hospital both in private and government hospitals. When a woman who is about to give birth is brought to the hospital, they will throw her into the labour room and lock her up like a criminal awaiting trial and they will go to the reception and starts gossiping or go into the Doctor's office and be gisting until the woman starts shouting like a goat. And when they go to meet her, it is not to help her but to insult her. You will hear things like, "I'm I the one that got you pregnant? The man that did this to you is outside o! Madam push o! Madam please open your leg jor! Or you want to kill your baby? You better push now or I will leave you here o! |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by terrifik19(m): 6:44pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
Funke Akindele in latest Jenifa's diary series season 4 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58yJqaKklZM |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:27pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
Olisa Ike wrote: A girl at a bus stop
spotted a handsome man
and without
hesitation went to him
and said, "You look cute. I
like you."
The man out of shock
simply placed his hand on
her shoulder
and said, "My dear, this
love and infatuation are
all nothing. You are too young to be
behaving like this. Please go
home and study
hard so that you can have
a successful life."
He then placed a piece of paper on her hand and
said, "I have
written some words of
wisdom and bible verses
for you. Read
them before you go to sleep." And then he
walked away. The girl went back to her hostel in shame and before she slept she opened up the paper and read thus: "Are you blind? My wife was standing behind me. Anyway, this is my hotline. Call me anytime. By the way, I like you too!" One Word For This Man. 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Dorisanice: 7:07am On Apr 23, 2016 |
See how Nigerian Girls Form: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uQugVgsQpI |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Dorisanice: 7:07am On Apr 23, 2016 |
See how Nigerian Girls Form: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uQugVgsQpI |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:49am On Apr 23, 2016 |
I slept off while waiting for my roommate, he keeps late night. As I tried turning around, a huge dark figure with flamy eyes opened my door, I wanted to scream but all strength was gone. Was it a dream or vision? I can't tell. He stared deep into my eyes and handed me a letter, I opened it......... Dear Ofego, I couldn't make it home last night because I died. I thought life after death is an elusion but I'm here lonely and afraid in pains and in torments The torture is unending, I cant explain it but am dying a thousand times in a second. You never told me this place was for real and how to avoid it. We grew up together, went to school together and did everything in common but you never told me about this new life of yours. I asked you severally and you jokingly pushed it aside. I was a good man with a charitable heart but that didn't count here. The Angel told me, I'm without Christ and my name is not in the book of life. I asked you yesterday morning what's this born again stuff and you said you don't want to bore me. I'm in pains, can you hear the screams, the torments of the great and the less, I was told it's for eternity. You betrayed our friendship, you never told me sex was fornication but you cautioned me against AIDS, you never told me getting high was drunkenness, you just told me not to drive, you never told me lying was sin, all you just said was don't be caught. I hate you for this....aaaahhhh.....aaahhhh....aaa I'm dying again here but I'm alive, the flames keeps getting hotter. I wish you were here. You deceived me to the end. If you had told me about Jesus and salvation I knew I wouldn't be here. I died only a few hours ago, I was drunk and ran into a pole but it seems I have been here for years. Please tell my family and all our friends about salvation. I'm dying again but death won't come. It's me, Osas. I woke up at about 2:45AM with a banging headache and my phone ringing, I picked it up and what I heard scared me to my bones...."Hello, Osas is dead". Today is still another opportunity to tell someone very dear to you about Jesus Christ and His saving grace. I just told you because I will never want you to end up in HELL. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 10:23am On Apr 23, 2016 |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:45pm On Apr 24, 2016 |
My Mummy invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to my six year old sister and asked her to say the blessing. ''I don't know what to say,'' the little girl replied, ''Just say what you hear mummy say'', I told her. My little sister bowed her head and said, ''Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?''. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:03am On Apr 25, 2016 |
An Arab was walking
through the Sahara
desert, desperate for
water, when he saw
something, far off in the
distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards
the
image, only to find a little
old Jewish man sitting at a
card table with a
bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked, "Please,
I'm dying of thirst, can I
have some water?".
The man replied, "I don't
have any water, but why don't you buy a tie?
Here's
one that goes nicely with
your robes."
The Arab shouted, "I don't
want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"Okay, don't buy a tie. But to
show you what a nice guy
I am, I'll tell you that
over that hill there, about
4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that
way,
they'll give you all the
water you want."
The Arab thanked him
and walked away towards the hill and eventually
disappeared.
Three hours later the
Arab came crawling back
to where the man was
sitting behind his card table. He
said, "I told you, about 4
miles over that hill.
Couldn't you find it?"
. The Arab rasped, "I found
it. They wouldn't let me in without a tie." 3 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:08pm On Apr 25, 2016 |
Husband: Darling! Wife: Yes Honey! Husband: Come! Wife: Why? Husband: Come first. Wife: Okay, I'm here. Husband: Pull off your clothes. Wife: What for? Husband: Please, do it now! Wife pulls her clothes off. Husband: Pull off your panties. Wife: (confused) why? Husband: Just do it now! Wife: Okay. (Pulls her panties off). I'm naked now. Husband: Come to the bed! Wife: (Goes to the bed) Here I am! Husband: Spread your legs! Wife: (Stunned) I've done it! Husband: Help me count my money! Wife: Must I be naked while counting your money? Husband: Yes, because I don't trust you when it comes to money! Which Tribe Is This Kind Of Husband From? 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:20pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
I was on a bus going to Lagos.
The guy on the front seat had never been in
the front seat of any motor vehicle before in his life. As
we were leaving Warri, he was surprised to see the driver
changing gears now and
then.
When we got to
Ore the bus
stopped and everyone got out
of the bus to buy
food and to
relieve our bodies but this
guy remained alone in the
bus and took out the gear lever. When
we all got back on the bus.
He gave the driver
the gear lever. "Driver take, this is the thing you
have been struggling to pull out ever since we left Warri." 7 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:45pm On Apr 27, 2016 |
It was my Auntie's 22nd birthday in the year 2000, after grooving till 9:30pm at Elegushi beach, we were on our way back in the rented bus at about 9:50pm (If you are familiar with that area then, all you will see is bushes and darkness left and right and a car drives by every fifteen minutes) Then it happened in the middle of nowhere, the tyre of our bus burst and to add insult upon injury there was no extra tyre so we where stranded and started looking for lifts at least to take us home. The next thing we heard was my little cousin screaming, 'LOOK! LOOK! WHAT IS THAT?' What we saw was a white cloth which seems like it was floating towards us in the dark, O boy, see Usain Bolt in action, everybody took to their heels except my born again Auntie who started binding and casting . All of a sudden the thing picked up speed towards her and she took to her heels too, overtaking all of us. The thing started running after us and shouting, "What is pursuing you people na?" Lo and behold it was the bus driver. No one knew when he went to piss. He was so black and was putting on white. His skin blended with the dark ness. 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:04pm On Apr 28, 2016 |
No matter how beautiful and handsome you are, just remember Baboon and Gorillas also attract tourists, so stop Boasting. No matter how big and strong you are, you will not carry yourself to your grave, so be humble. No matter how tall you are, you can never see tomorrow, be patient. No matter how light skinned you are, you will always need light in darkness, so take caution. No matter how rich and many cars you have, you will always walk to bed, so be contented. Take Life Easy, Life is "Exp. + Exp. + Exp." Yesterday was Experience. Today is Experiment. Tomorrow is Expectation. So use your Experience in your Experiment to achieve your Expectations, thank you, I remain Ofego, your Loyal Comedian that is Loyal like Loya Milk. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Donshemzy1234: 12:27am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Musa goes into a library to ask for a book on
suicide. He met with Akpos the Librarian.
MUSA: Please do you have a book on suicide?
AKPOS: Why do you want to read that kind of
book?
MUSA: I want to commit suicide!
Akpos stares at him for a while and says, "who is
gonna return the book? |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Donshemzy1234: 12:27am On Apr 29, 2016 |
Musa goes into a library to ask for a book on
suicide. He met with Akpos the Librarian.
MUSA: Please do you have a book on suicide?
AKPOS: Why do you want to read that kind of
book?
MUSA: I want to commit suicide!
Akpos stares at him for a while and says, "who is
gonna return the book? 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:38am On Apr 30, 2016 |
Me (Ofego): Obuke where can I get a
Ladder? Obuke: Ofego for what? Me (Ofego): I am attending a wedding reception today . Obuke: And so? Me (Ofego): I was told I will be sitting on the high table. 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:48pm On May 01, 2016 |
A lady committed a crime
and she was taken to court.
The punishment for the
crime was life
imprisonment.
She shed tears for help but to no avail. When the
case was called in court
she started weeping. Her
husband, family and
friends who accompanied
her started weeping but there
was no hope. But
something happened.
Before the lady could
stand in
the witness box a man stood up and the court
room
was silent. Everyone
looked at Him. He was
noble and
gentle. He stood in the witness box and
interceded
on behalf of the woman.
The case was difficult, yet
He
used all His strength, energy and resources to
fight
on behalf of the woman.
After a long legal battle
between the man and the
accusers, the lady was set free. The lady fell before
the man and asked, 'WHO
ARE YOU?'
The next day
the lady deliberately
committed another crime
and was brought to the same court. As soon as she
entered the courtroom,
she
saw the man who
interceded for her the
previous day on the judgement seat. He
was no longer a lawyer,
but a judge. With smiles
on her face the lady said, 'I
have come again' The man
lifted his head and said, 'Yesterday I was a lawyer,
so I fought for you, even
when you were guilty. But
today I am a judge and
my
judgement must be fair.' With tears in the ladie's
eyes
she asked for the second
time, 'WHO ARE YOU?' and
the man replied, 'I AM THE
SAVIOUR'.
Today Christ Jesus is our lawyer and
redeemer, but a day is
coming when He will give
a fair judgement to
everyone. JESUS IS COMING
SOON, SO PREPARE TO MEET HIM. 1 Like |
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