₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
How can the husband be feeling insecured his wife is chaste?

Does chastity matter to men?

A tear rubber toto is the greatest gift to menfolks. Bukatyne abi no be so?

raumdeuter:
A tear rubber toto is the greatest gift to menfolks. Bukatyne abi no be so?

You should be the one to tell us na.

The OP's husband should 'cherish' her that she was pure Abi? If opinions around is anything to go by.

I doubt Acidosis answer here.

Let the OP answer.

bukatyne:
How can the husband be feeling insecured his wife is chaste?

Does chastity matter to men?

She has used the word 'virginity' severally, and I'm beginning to read different meanings to her concern.

On her path, she feels the fact that she married the man a virgin is enough for her husband to trust her (even if she interacts with men clandestinely)!

As a matter of fact, her 'virginity' status is the reason the husband is overly guiding his wife jealously.

To end this whole drama, @OP, continue to give him reasons to trust you. A time will come when his insecurity will end. At the moment, you've given him too many reasons to distrust you, e.g. threatening everyone with your rich customers & qualification. No man loves competition.

The best way to win the heart of your man is to love him more. More love 'baby', love him more, make him trust you more, and 'kill' him with more love.

bukatyne:
What's wrong with telling your hubby everything you want to do?

Thought am the only person that saw this.
Trying to hide what you do with your phone will definitely cause problems. If you think it's harmless why hide it?

bukatyne:
You should be the one to tell us na.

The OP's husband should 'cherish' her that she was pure Abi? If opinions around is anything to go by.

I doubt Acidosis answer here.

Let the OP answer.

Well it happens in relationship, when one party thinks I brought this into the relationship so you should cherish me forever

It can be the virginity or it can be that I picked you up from nowhere(Teebillz) or I financed your education, I saved you from an abusive relationship so you owe me for life

Atimes its better to have 2 equally flawed people, 2 broke people, 2 equally educated/uneducated people marrying themselves. So no one is feeling he/she is doing the other a favor

Acidosis:
She has used the word 'virginity' severally, and I'm beginning to read different meanings to her concern.

On her path, she feels the fact that she married the man a virgin is enough for her husband to trust her (even if she interacts with men clandestinely)!

As a matter of fact, her 'virginity' status is the reason the husband is overly guiding his wife jealously.

To end this whole drama, @OP, continue to give him reasons to trust you. A time will come when his insecurity will end. At the moment, you've given him too many reasons to distrust you, e.g. threatening everyone with your rich customers. No man loves competition.

If the sales rep is as I understand it, she will continually interact with men in the secret and openly to close deals.( with no evil intentions)

She will have to meet with clients outside official hours for new opportunities.

A sales(wo)man they say works 24hrs.

And there are some customers that when they cough, you bend backwards 180°....

So....

nnamdibig:
Thought am the only person that saw this.
Trying to hide what you do with your phone will definitely cause problems. If you think it's harmless why hide it?

She has explained herself

It reminds me of a relationship I had back in the day. He was jealous so I tried to soothe his fears. It only became worse until we broke up.
It is good you didn't choose the same route as I did, which was one of proving to him that I was faithful and loyal and God knows I was.
At the end of the day, it was all in his head and my efforts to make him trust me backfired big time.

I think that you are doing yourself a favor when you don't give in to his demands to control you.
By controlling you, he can never learn what trust is all about.

If you can't take it any longer and you feel that you need your parents' support, tell them all about it.
I hope they will bring him back to his sense.

raumdeuter:
Well it happens in relationship, when one party thinks I brought this into the relationship so you should cherish me forever

It can be the virginity or it can be that I picked you up from nowhere(Teebillz) or I financed your education, I saved you from an abusive relationship so you owe me for life

Atimes its better to have 2 equally flawed people, 2 broke people, 2 equally educated/uneducated people marrying themselves. So no one is feeling he/she is doing the other a favor

@Bold:

Slight modification...

It is always better...

I am a firm believer of water seeking its own level.

bukatyne:
If the sales rep is as I understand it, she will continually interact with men in the secret and openly to close deals.( with no evil intentions)

She will have to meet with clients outside official hours for new opportunities.

A sales(wo)man they say works 24hrs.

And there are some customers that when they cough, you bend backwards 180°....

So....

At this juncture, we might need to ask OP this: "when did you resume the sales rep job?"

May be they had issues about the job from the onset...etc.

Acidosis:
At this juncture, we might need to ask OP this: "when did you resume the sales rep job?"

May be they had issues about the job from the onset...etc.

@divalishis:

When did you start working as a sales rep?

johnson232:
who asked u whether u got higher qualification or not?
u think everyone on here is a robot?
why would your husband accuse u if your call wasn't suspicious?
why didn't u give him your phone if u had nothing to hide? or u want him to feel jealous because he once cheated on u?
keep on destroying your marriage... and i must say your post is riddled with rudeness and arrogance... why bringing up how some rich customer approach u and all that? thought u got married to your husband because u loved him?

disrespectful wife, that is what u are, even in the presence of guests, u couldn't pretend to be respectful? i sorry for u....

Do you have sense at all?

johnson232:
who asked u whether u got higher qualification or not?
u think everyone on here is a robot?
why would your husband accuse u if your call wasn't suspicious?
why didn't u give him your phone if u had nothing to hide? or u want him to feel jealous because he once cheated on u?
keep on destroying your marriage... and i must say your post is riddled with rudeness and arrogance... why bringing up how some rich customer approach u and all that? thought u got married to your husband because u loved him?

disrespectful wife, that is what u are, even in the presence of guests, u couldn't pretend to be respectful? i sorry for u....

I don't need your pity. You can go to hell and burn to ashes.

True

raumdeuter:
Well it happens in relationship, when one party thinks I brought this into the relationship so you should cherish me forever

It can be the virginity or it can be that I picked you up from nowhere(Teebillz) or I financed your education, I saved you from an abusive relationship so you owe me for life

Atimes its better to have 2 equally flawed people, 2 broke people, 2 equally educated/uneducated people marrying themselves. So no one is feeling he/she is doing the other a favor

bukatyne:
Your husband sounds insecured.

What do you think is feeding it?

I see you mentioned you have more qualifications however he earns more.

In what area do you think you are better than him?

Funny enough, I don't think I am better than him in any way. I love the academic line and when there was no job forthcoming, I went back to school.
Eventually I got this job.

But his kind of job is one even a PhD would jump at. He is very well paid. And the job is also very secure. Unlike mine which the pay is very OK but you could get sacked anytime. I am not optimistic that I will last this year at work sef. With the economy and all...

armyofone:
Cheated on you and still playing reverse psychology on you
If you don't have a child, biko find your way. What hassles!!
Not minor my friend, by the time he is done (just getting started), you will know South Pole is far from Africa.
He disrespected your marriage from the onset. Una dey try o.

Yes we are trying. What else is there to do but try?
He disrespected it but I got to know after the wedding....

OP the matter hasn't reached divorce level like I see some folks advising you to.
Unless you're stil angry about his cheating in the past. If all your concern is his constant attempt to police you, then it is still resolvable.

However you must continue to stand up to him, albeit in a matter that doesn't make a bad situation worse I.e reminding him of his own cheating or calling him ashewo when you've been acting like you forgave him all this while.

It's obvious his guilty conscience is prodding him to try pin some dirt on you too so that you guys can be on equal standing.

Acidosis:
Show him this thread.

Thanks but no thanks.

Acidosis:
She has used the word 'virginity' severally, and I'm beginning to read different meanings to her concern.

On her path, she feels the fact that she married the man a virgin is enough for her husband to trust her (even if she interacts with men clandestinely)!

As a matter of fact, her 'virginity' status is the reason the husband is overly guiding his wife jealously.

To end this whole drama, @OP, continue to give him reasons to trust you. A time will come when his insecurity will end. At the moment, you've given him too many reasons to distrust you, e.g. threatening everyone with your rich customers & qualification. No man loves competition.

The best way to win the heart of your man is to love him more. More love 'baby', love him more, make him trust you more, and 'kill' him with more love.

That I mentioned my rich customers here does not mean I threatened him with them. Don't get me wrong please. I have never mentioned another man to him in an argument. But I do tell him he shouldn't have come to me when he knew he couldn't trust me.
I even got some gifts from a female customer a while ago and I pretended like I bought them lest he thinks otherwise.
Neither have I flaunted my qualifications. I would damn the qualifications to make what he is currently making monetarily.

nnamdibig:
Thought am the only person that saw this.
Trying to hide what you do with your phone will definitely cause problems. If you think it's harmless why hide it?

Read my answer to her.

raumdeuter:
Well it happens in relationship, when one party thinks I brought this into the relationship so you should cherish me forever

It can be the virginity or it can be that I picked you up from nowhere(Teebillz) or I financed your education, I saved you from an abusive relationship so you owe me for life

Atimes its better to have 2 equally flawed people, 2 broke people, 2 equally educated/uneducated people marrying themselves. So no one is feeling he/she is doing the other a favor

Never said I did him a favour. I mentioned it here so people could know the type of person I am. That I was a Virgin is between us. Even now that I spoke to my mum about it, I never brought it up that I was.
It's a decision I took for me. Not for him or anybody. And deep down, I don't regret the decision. Even with the issues on ground.

divalishis:
That I mentioned my rich customers here does not mean I threatened him with them. Don't get me wrong please. I have never mentioned another man to him in an argument. But I do tell him he shouldn't have come to me when he knew he couldn't trust me.
I even got some gifts from a female customer a while ago and I pretended like I bought them lest he thinks otherwise.
Neither have I flaunted my qualifications. I would damn the qualifications to make what he is currently making monetarily.

Sorry to digress, did you marry the same boyfriend you talked about in 2014 on Nairaland?

I think there's something you're doing to that young man; that thing is killing his 'esteem'

bukatyne:
If the sales rep is as I understand it, she will continually interact with men in the secret and openly to close deals.( with no evil intentions)

She will have to meet with clients outside official hours for new opportunities.

A sales(wo)man they say works 24hrs.

And there are some customers that when they cough, you bend backwards 180°....

So....

I don't even meet people alone as it is in the policy never to do that. In fact it is the customers my husband introduces me to that he mostly insists I find a way to meet them alone so as not to get them snatched by my colleagues as they are more aggressive than I am. And I don't meet people outside official hours. I am not doing so well at work as I am the home type who would rather be indoors than go out in the evening when you can get all the big fish at clubs and so on.
Sales is really not my thing. I just need a job, that's why.

Acidosis:
At this juncture, we might need to ask OP this: "when did you resume the sales rep job?"

May be they had issues about the job from the onset...etc.

We were on a break when I got the job. But he was supportive and all. Though he gets angry a lot of the time about the indignity of his wife having to beg people to bring their business. And also what people say about ladies who do this job. And I get to meet different people too...

bukatyne:
@divalishis:

When did you start working as a sales rep?

Would like to keep that private please. I've given too much out as it is...
Sorry..

armyofone:
Cheated on you and still playing reverse psychology on you
If you don't have a child, biko find your way. What hassles!!
Not minor my friend, by the time he is done (just getting started), you will know South Pole is far from Africa.
He disrespected your marriage from the onset. Una dey try o.

Its psychological , he's not afraid of her he's afraid of himself, he's projecting himself on her, since he cheats he sees himself in her and assume she has to cheat..

Acidosis:
This is a very minor issue oooo

This is something many people face at least once in their boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Do not let it degenerate into something else.

Deep down, your husband knows you did not cheat on him. The boyfriend accusations and all wasn't real. Only a word from you on how much you love him would have done the magic.

He's insecure given the fact that he has once cheated on you. If you really love him and want your marriage to work, reassure him of your love, and re-ignite your love.

This is a none issue. At least 9 out of 10 people have once snooped on their partners' phone! If giving him your phone would make your marriage work (please do it).

.

Best advice, better stick to this and avoid those other kids advice.

cococandy:
OP the matter hasn't reached divorce level like I see some folks advising you to.
Unless you're stil angry about his cheating in the past. If all your concern is his constant attempt to police you, then it is still resolvable.

However you must continue to stand up to him, albeit in a matter that doesn't make a bad situation worse I.e reminding him of his own cheating or calling him ashewo when you've been acting like you forgave him all this while.

It's obvious his guilty conscience is prodding him to try pin some dirt on you too so that you guys can be on equal standing.

This is a fresh perspective. Thank you.
Will try not to bring it up anymore. Because I do it most times.
I'll try my best. It's just painful when you're accused of something you're not guilty of.

You're welcome

divalishis:
This is a fresh perspective. Thank you.
Will try not to bring it up anymore. Because I do it most times.
I'll try my best. It's just painful when you're accused of something you're not guilty of.

divalishis:
I've just told my mum. She blamed me for not telling her the moment it happened as she has been asking me why I am down and also said a proverb that " you can't chew a porcupine in silence".
For his family, I can't really talk to them.
Thank you.

you welcome. I'm sure your parents will do the needful.

divalishis:
We were on a break when I got the job. But he was supportive and all. Though he gets angry a lot of the time about the indignity of his wife having to beg people to bring their business. And also what people say about ladies who do this job. And I get to meet different people too...

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Don't you think this is where the problem is coming from?. Some men are actually not comfortable with certain types of work that their wives do. Has he ever complained of this job or told you to drop it?.

divalishis:
I don't need your pity. You can go to hell and burn to ashes.

lol....
really?
keep on draining your husband self esteem and self worth with your silly attitude, until he becomes empty...

oloboro wife...