I swore never to get jealous over anything or complain. My bf has been acting gud,and he has been quite sincere to me.today he received a call while we were chilling and i was about going home,he had plans of dropping me at home at ikeja. The gal asked him where he was "he said i'm home,but I'm going to ikeja to see someone " I didn't say anything, I got pissed in my mind cos i was tagged as "someone ". I felt bad immediately, I don't suspect him,I get jealous easily but i swore never to get jealous or complain about any gal stuff. I said I'll be in this relationship and enjoy every not without nagging, i'll believe what he tells me. But now I'm changing.
I asked him about it, he said he couldn't start explaining himself to her and he wanted her to just get off the phone,he later told me she used to like him before ,but he has made it clear to her that there is no relationship. He said they're just friends nothing more,or cant he havr friends because we are dating,i told him he can have friends. I then told him that if he is in a relationship with any gal,he should tell me and not lie,he said he has told me several times,that he is not in any relationship with any other gal.i said ok. So he dropped me and left and said he will call me.now he just chatted me up saying he's going to stop at vi to eat and see a friend before going home ,i just said okk
Now i feel uncomfortable,i think he wants to hangout with the gal. But i decided not to ask him "which friend" cos i dont want arguement or be tagged as troublesome or a nag.
What should i do? How can i stop this jealousy feeling or whatever? Or should i have asked him which friend he wants to see?
What do u guys think? Please advice me

It's your kind of person that usually cheat in relationships.

By the way, you are insecure and possessive which won't help you at all. You have to loosen up and live with an open mind. He is free to have friends either male or female. You are in no position to screen his friends as long as he doesnt act in same way with you.

Also you were tagged as "someone" because you are someone. Someone can be anybody. Someone is a general term used when detailed identification isn't needed. Perhaps he didn't want to mention you as the girlfriend as it would warrant a question from whoever he was talking to and from questions to questions to questions and then a full convo. would ensue which is what he was probably trying to avoid. If you weren't so insecure you would have figured that out.

He may or may not be visiting the female friend as you are speculating but it doesn't matter. Trust is what matters.

Only hit dogs howl. I'm not saying he is guilty but there's something suspicious about the way he quickly flipped the script on you, making you feel guilty for asking for clarity by saying so he can't have friends or whatever. If he claims he's told her off before, then why is she still in contact asking about his whereabouts as if there's something more going on between them. Food for thought.

I think you are having insecurity issues.
You don't need to bother yourself with all these suspicion.

My 2 cents.

what the hell? criozly u wanna subject urslf to dis calmness? really? Dnt mind me ooo,its obvious ur guy is cheating on u buh u v no concrete proof. u r a lady n u v d ryt to b jealous. My point is wen u v proof,den u cn tk d needed action.

Okay.

what best way there is to make a gal understand that they are just friends, than by saying:" i am gonna drop my GIRLFRIEND off in Ikeja?
this is not about explaining himself to her, this is about putting value into what/who you are.
if he cant even acknowledge what you guys have/are, then there is a red flag here. is he ashamed of you or your r/ship?

BrideOfDracula:
Only hit dogs howl. I'm not saying he is guilty but there's something suspicious about the way he quickly flipped the script on you, making you feel guilty for asking for clarity by saying so he can't have friends or whatever. If he claims he's told her off before, then why is she still in contact asking about his whereabouts as if there's something more going on between them. Food for thought.

Hmmm..I really dunno..I don't want to over flog the issue so I don't get tagged as the jealous one or troublesome.. just confused,thanks tho.

MRBrownJ:
what best way there is to make a gal understand that they are just friends, than by saying:" i am gonna drop my GIRLFRIEND off in Ikeja?
this is not about explaining himself to her, this is about putting value into what/who you are.
if he cant even acknowledge what you guys have/are, then there is a red flag here. is he ashamed of you or your r/ship?

exactly my thoughts.. hmmm,he even asked me what i expected him to say "I wanted to tell him he should have told her he's going to drop his gf " I thought it would sound too possessive of me that's why I didn't say anything..
Moreover it's a new relationship ,just about a month old...I just feel bad,because of this little discussion we had this evening, he's already thinking I"m a little bit troublesome.. hmmmm

Favolly, over to you. Oya come give advice.

staples:
exactly my thoughts.. hmmm,he even asked me what i expected him to say "I wanted to tell him he should have told her he's going to drop his gf " I thought it would sound too possessive of me that's why I didn't say anything..
Moreover it's a new relationship ,just about a month old...I just feel bad,because of this little discussion we had this evening, he's already thinking I"m a little bit troublesome.. hmmmm

you have to let him know how you expect to be treated, how you wanna be viewed/described etc since you have some insecurity/jealousy issues. tell him that this is what you need in order to feel comfortable in this union, and dont forget to ask him what he THINKS you are to him.

dont settle for BS because he thinks you are troublesome, tell him you are a woman that demand RESPECT, that demands that her man be fully open and transparent about what you guys have, and if he has a problem with that then he should wait until he is ready to be in a r/ship (with someone like you).

this is what YOU need, dont be afraid to demand for it, and if he cant deliver then move on instead of staying in a r/ship where you dont feel comfortable in.

MRBrownJ:


you have to let him know how you expect to be treated, how you wanna be viewed/described etc since you have some insecurity/jealousy issues. tell him that this is what you need in order to feel comfortable in this union, and dont forget to ask him what he THINKS you are to him.

dont settle for BS because he thinks you are troublesome, tell him you are a woman that demand RESPECT, that demands that her man be fully open and transparent about what you guys have, and if he has a problem with that then he should wait until he is ready to be in a r/ship (with someone like you).

this is what YOU need, dont be afraid to demand for it, and if he cant deliver then move on instead of staying in a r/ship where you dont feel comfortable in.

Thank u very much for this piece of advice. Can I have this discussion via chat or telephone conversation cos our seeing/meeting face to face again is till weekend..what do u think?

MRBrownJ:


you have to let him know how you expect to be treated, how you wanna be viewed/described etc since you have some insecurity/jealousy issues. tell him that this is what you need in order to feel comfortable in this union, and dont forget to ask him what he THINKS you are to him.

dont settle for BS because he thinks you are troublesome, tell him you are a woman that demand RESPECT, that demands that her man be fully open and transparent about what you guys have, and if he has a problem with that then he should wait until he is ready to be in a r/ship (with someone like you).

this is what YOU need, dont be afraid to demand for it, and if he cant deliver then move on instead of staying in a r/ship where you dont feel comfortable in.

Thank u very much for this piece of advice. Can I have this discussion via chat or telephone conversation cos our seeing/meeting face to face again is till weekend..what do u think? Secondly, I hope having such discussion doesn't make me look desperate..

MRBrownJ:
what best way there is to make a gal understand that they are just friends, than by saying:" i am gonna drop my GIRLFRIEND off in Ikeja?
this is not about explaining himself to her, this is about putting value into what/who you are.
if he cant even acknowledge what you guys have/are, then there is a red flag here. is he ashamed of you or your r/ship?

Thank you so much for this comment!

staples:
Hmmm..I really dunno..I don't want to over flog the issue so I don't get tagged as the jealous one or troublesome.. just confused,thanks tho.

What, are you scared of losing him or something? Your BF sounds very uncaring because if something bothers you then you have all the right to queastion it. His duty is to reassure you without trying to make you feel bad because the reasons for your jealousy are legitimate.

LOL, I say all this because I'm a very jealous person myself. Once something gets me going then all care flies out the window. He can think whatever, I don't care just as long as my questions get answered to my satisfaction. If jealousy over legitimate reasons ends the relationship then so be it because evasiveness & shadiness is something I can't let go of or deal with for that matter. What kind of relationship where you can't be free & be yourself? I honestly think you need to rethink this relationship. How long have you been together? Not sure if you mentioned it in your original post.

he isnt all over your business asking questions upandan, it means he doesn't suspect you, why cant you reciprocate this gesture and give him the benefit of the doubt.

being a guy i dont think he will even disclose info concerning the girl if he's cheating, infact he will avoid all questions leading that way.

you have trust issues and you feel insecure, pestering him every now and then and probing him always will make him bored of your over possessiveness and he might consider looking elsewhere, just chill out you're are just being naive and paranoid.

BrideOfDracula:


What, are you scared of losing him or something? Your BF sounds very uncaring because if something bothers you then you have all the right to queastion it. His duty is to reassure you without trying to make you feel bad because the reasons for your jealousy are legitimate.

LOL, I say all this because I'm a very jealous person myself. Once something gets me going then all care flies out the window. He can think whatever, I don't care just as long as my questions get answered to my satisfaction. If jealousy over legitimate reasons ends the relationship then so be it because evasiveness & shadiness is something I can't let go of or deal with for that matter. What kind of relationship where you can't be free & be yourself? I honestly think you need to rethink this relationship. How long have you been together? Not sure if you mentioned it in your original post.

I'm not scared of loosing him. I just don't like it when a guy sees me as a jealous and possessive gf, that's why i was just being careful, but I don't think I can continue with the pretence. We have been together for a month and few days now..Thanks

dauntless15:
he isnt all over your business asking questions upandan, it means he doesn't suspect you, why cant you reciprocate this gesture and give him the benefit of the doubt.

being a guy i dont think he will even disclose info concerning the girl if he's cheating, infact he will avoid all questions leading that way.

you have trust issues and you feel insecure, pestering him every now and then and probing him always will make him bored of your over possessiveness and he might consider looking elsewhere, just chill out you're are just being naive and paranoid.

Hmmm..ok, thanks.

staples:
Hmmm..ok, thanks.

welcome

boyfriend matter, unlooks

staples:
I'm not scared of loosing him. I just don't like it when a guy sees me as a jealous and possessive gf, that's why i was just being careful, but I don't think I can continue with the pretence. We have been together for a month and few days now..Thanks

Ok. It's too early in the relationship to be made to feel suspicious already. But the shoe is on your foot, so only you know if you can handle the pinch & for how long. All the best.

Ferdyboss:
Favolly, over to you. Oya come give advice.

Lol! What am I, the love doctor?

staples darling, you aren't going crazy. Your instincts may be working into overdrive, but you might definitely be on to something. I think it's a red flag when le boo refers to you as 'someone' and right under your nose too. It's also worse when he says it to someone whom he knows has feelings for him...

That excuse he gave about him wanting her to get off the phone fast doesn't quite fly with me. Saying I'm going to see my babe would have even done it faster in my opinion...

Don't do anything rash yet though. Wait it out and observe him very subtly. If you notice any other thing that seems off, then let him in on all your reservations without mincing words. In the meantime, live, love and laugh. Someone cannot come and go and die on top man matter biko. Life is too damn short

staples:
Thank u very much for this piece of advice. Can I have this discussion via chat or telephone conversation cos our seeing/meeting face to face again is till weekend..what do u think? Secondly, I hope having such discussion doesn't make me look desperate..

it will be best to explain all of this face to face, so you can see his reaction. as for this discussion making you look desperate, it wont, it will make you look determined about how you desire to be treated in this r/ship... and if he decides that he doesnt want to be with you, then so be it. but dont settle for less and be treated in a way that you wont desire, just to be in a r/ship that you ultimately wont appreciate.

this r/ship is very new and, as much as you must deal with your insecurity/jealousy issues, he MUST understand right away how you desire to be treated, in order to have any chance of success here. let him know that it is NOT ok to refer to you as "someone" etc.

Favolly:

Lol! What am I, the love doctor?

staples darling, you aren't going crazy. Your instincts may be working into overdrive, but you might definitely be on to something. I think it's a red flag when le boo refers to you as 'someone' and right under your nose too. It's also worse when he says it to someone whom he knows has feelings for him...

That excuse he gave about him wanting her to get off the phone fast doesn't quite fly with me. Saying I'm going to see my babe would have even done it faster in my opinion...

Don't do anything rash yet though. Wait it out and observe him very subtly. If you notice any other thing that seems off, then let him in on all your reservations without mincing words. In the meantime, live, love and laugh. Someone cannot come and go and die on top man matter biko. Life is too damn short

I'm still pissed at the whole thing till now,I'll just try to keep to myself and reduce communication. thanks

MRBrownJ:


it will be best to explain all of this face to face, so you can see his reaction. as for this discussion making you look desperate, it wont, it will make you look determined about how you desire to be treated in this r/ship... and if he decides that he doesnt want to be with you, then so be it. but dont settle for less and be treated in a way that you wont desire, just to be in a r/ship that you ultimately wont appreciate.

this r/ship is very new and, as much as you must deal with your insecurity/jealousy issues, he MUST understand right away how you desire to be treated, in order to have any chance of success here. let him know that it is NOT ok to refer to you as "someone" etc.

ok, thanks

Favolly:

Lol! What am I, the love doctor?

staples darling, you aren't going crazy. Your instincts may be working into overdrive, but you might definitely be on to something. I think it's a red flag when le boo refers to you as 'someone' and right under your nose too. It's also worse when he says it to someone whom he knows has feelings for him...

That excuse he gave about him wanting her to get off the phone fast doesn't quite fly with me. Saying I'm going to see my babe would have even done it faster in my opinion...

Don't do anything rash yet though. Wait it out and observe him very subtly. If you notice any other thing that seems off, then let him in on all your reservations without mincing words. In the meantime, live, love and laugh. Someone cannot come and go and die on top man matter biko. Life is too damn short

Yes, Love Doctor. But on a serious note, If a guy isn't proud enough to mention that "I'm with my girlfriend" over a phone conversation with someonelse, then it's no rocket science to decipher that you probably aren't "The Girlfriend".

Ferdyboss:

Yes, Love Doctor. But on a serious note, If a guy isn't proud enough to mention that "I'm with my girlfriend" over a phone conversation with someonelse, then it's no rocket science to decipher that you probably aren't "The Girlfriend".

I totally disagree with you on this Ferdy. Come on man, these things happen.

Ferdyboss:


Yes, Love Doctor. But on a serious note, If a guy isn't proud enough to mention that "I'm with my girlfriend" over a phone conversation with someonelse, then it's no rocket science to decipher that you probably aren't "The Girlfriend".

Well she might still be the girlfriend, but then he might be planning to 'creep'

ivyy:
I think you are having insecurity issues.

You don't need to bother yourself with all these suspicion.


My 2 cents.

I believe these are warning signs. Some men are fond of trying to be smart with issues like this in the name of they don't want to hurt the other girl while they end up hurting their girlfriend.

If he really has severed relationship with the other girl then he should be straight with it. He doesn't need to sooth words about his location or whereabouts.

@ Vinshu I think he should have said he was with his girlfriend. In this context I consider the use of "someone" vague and inappropriate. Just like you're with your parent and a friend like this calls, will you say you're with someone to your parents hearing and understanding

If he was in her shoes will he be fine with it?

Jamean:


I believe these are warning signs. Some men are fond of trying to be smart with issues like this in the name of they don't want to hurt the other girl while they end up hurting their girlfriend

No warning sign jor, at least not this small issue.