@ juzzybabe:
- you asked for permission to get married
- you asked for permission to take in
- you asked for permission to abort
- you asked for permission (and funds) to rent a place
- now you are asking for permission to move on

I think you also have a lot of work to do on yourself. Your whole existence seems to be revolved round this man and the marriage.
Do you have plans for yourself or goals you've set out to achieve personally? Short term and long term? I didn't get any sense of that from your write-ups. Looks like it's all about your husband, his wishes and his provision.

Are you working currently? Are you able to support yourself and your child comfortably and independently? This should be your focus for now. Divorce and subsequent relationships will follow in due course if that's what you really want at the end of the day.

But right now, forget him, forget what's going to happen in the future, forget if he will come back or not. There are enough problems for today, no need to carry tomorrow's burden today. Life is short, take it one day at a time. You hold the key to your happiness, don't give it to anyone.

queenfav:
I empathize with you.By the way,i am a lawyer, pm me whenever you are ready to file for dissolution of the marriage.

how do I pm you?

It's sad that family is just the no 1 target to destabilize a nation.Once the family is disjointed,it affects so many other aspects of our lives.
I am a living example of your story and my wife nearly divorced me but for God's intervention.
She misunderstood me totally thinking that I was irresponsible but unknown to her life was very tough.I couldn't even send anything reasonable to my family for years but alas God saw my heart and gave her the grace to hold on.
I want to encourage you not to file for divorce yet as it doesn't seem to be best option but commit things into the hands of God.Bible says they that faint in the days of adversity are of little strength.This is your period of adversity.wait upon the Lord and you will see his salvation.
Your marriage shall be wonderful again.

My dear move on wit speed,I'm in ur shoes too its painful.he can't take ur child no never a girl?u don't want to hear my story and I have a son.it is well just move on.

Juzzybabe:


o yea, beating was part of it o. Especially when i was in my eight month,he visited Nigeria and beat me almost to coma,he left me bloody and was still beating until i managed to escape. when i escaped,his mum got angrier,she said i ran out to expose her family to outsiders. That made my case even worse. My dear the story is long and i cant even mention all my terrible experiences.
worst of all, he now calls my family and insults them claiming they have his child,and when they ask him what he's doing to restore his family he says its irrelevant to the discussion. I need to move on,i cant keep waiting.

Madam, i abhore irresponsibility in a man, definitely and totally frown on physical violence towards a female under any circumstance. but, I gotta ask you this, whats your contribution to this ugly situation?, are you also culpable in any way?.

Taryur3:

Just advise her well. Wts is happening here is misunderstanding between both of them.I hope u are not going to talk of dovorce

So she should stay married till she ends up like Titi Arowolo or Nike Shonde abi? What's your problem with op getting a divorce and how is it any of your business if she finds another man to marry her or not? Someone wants to move on from a loveless abusive marriage, all you can yap about is who wants to marry a single mum as if that is what is remotely on her mind at the moment. Newsflash, single mums like Mercy Aigbe and Nairalander Mollytinrox were able to find love again and are happily married, God willing Juzzybabe will also find a man that will love and appreciate her as she is (not that being a single mum is the worst thing to happen to a person).

[quote author=Taryur3 post=46580849]
Bolade...busy body...your approco...too.much.I hope u are paying the consultation fee...for her...if she finally divorce...just make sure your lawyer get her a perfect man.thanks for your concern[/quote

Can't stop laughing. very funny.

Juzzybabe:


o yea, beating was part of it o. Especially when i was in my eight month,he visited Nigeria and beat me almost to coma,he left me bloody and was still beating until i managed to escape. when i escaped,his mum got angrier,she said i ran out to expose her family to outsiders. That made my case even worse. My dear the story is long and i cant even mention all my terrible experiences.
worst of all, he now calls my family and insults them claiming they have his child,and when they ask him what he's doing to restore his family he says its irrelevant to the discussion. I need to move on,i cant keep waiting.

I honestly feel for you and hope where you are now is a safe place. It is a pity you ended up with a devilish family whereby a mother inlaw would stand to support his son knowing fully well that you are a woman and mother too. Beating you while pregnant is the worst EVER and as such, you should seek for a lawyer in order to get a restraining order that would stop him from encroaching within your environment. Also an order that anything that happens to the child, your parents and your person, he and his parents should be held responsible. He should be meant to sign an agreement to that effect.He is mentally sick.

The type of men we have these days are just sickening. Its like the bad to good man ratio is 9/1. Nigerian women are really suffering and the worst part is the laws seems to favour men.

There is so much advise I could give you but more likely than not you don't have those avenues in Nigeria. That guy would have been locked up for assault. Threats and harassment are a serious thing as well and are not taking lightly.

I really dunno how some Nigerian girls deal with these beasts. The fear of Nigerian men is the beginning of wisdom.

What's worse is some losers want to turn around and blame the woman for her role in getting beaten and that no man wants a single mum. Wtf who says such things.

I have a newfound respect for Nigerian women like the op and not those silly hilly billies.

Relationships are not a do or die affair and you were sensible enough to get out on time.

I just hope you have learnt your lesson. Do you even know what your husband is doing in Dubai. Are you sure its even legal. I believe everything happens for a reason and you may just have been saved by not going to Dubai.

Kimoni:
@ juzzybabe:
- you asked for permission to get married
- you asked for permission to take in
- you asked for permission to abort
- you asked for permission (and funds) to rent a place
- now you are asking for permission to move on

I think you also have a lot of work to do on yourself. Your whole existence seems to be revolved round this man and the marriage.
Do you have plans for yourself or goals you've set out to achieve personally? Short term and long term? I didn't get any sense of that from your write-ups. Looks like it's all about your husband, his wishes and his provision.

Are you working currently? Are you able to support yourself and your child comfortably and independently? This should be your focus for now. Divorce and subsequent relationships will follow in due course if that's what you really want at the end of the day.

But right now, forget him, forget what's going to happen in the future, forget if he will come back or not. There are enough problems for today, no need to carry tomorrow's burden today. Life is short, take it one day at a time. You hold the key to your happiness, don't give it to anyone.

"permission to abort" Aba,no na. Secondly,I only seek advice. Since its faceless, I think its best talking to a large Number of people and weighing their opinions not like I can't take decisions of my own,but things like marriage needs absolute care and cautions. Thirdly, I have been waiting for a change since,nothing seems to be getting better. He has told my family am not his wife. my dear,I can't say it all. well,I have a good and well paid job,my daughter is growing up well and I make sure I provide all she needs. Am a woman and am human,I have feelings. The last thing I want to do is sleep with another man knowing am still entangled with another. So as to not sin,I better quit the fruitless one at hand and move on. I have tried!

SemuhleB:
The type of men we have these days are just sickening. Its like the bad to good man ratio is 9/1. Nigerian women are really suffering and the worst part is the laws seems to favour men.

There is so much advise I could give you but more likely than not you don't have those avenues in Nigeria. That guy would have been locked up for assault. Threats and harassment are a serious thing as well and are not taking lightly.

I really dunno how some Nigerian girls deal with these beasts. The fear of Nigerian men is the beginning of wisdom.

What's worse is some losers want to turn around and blame the woman for her role in getting beaten and that no man wants a single mum. Wtf who says such things.

I have a newfound respect for Nigerian women like the op and not those silly hilly billies.

Relationships are not a do or die affair and you were sensible enough to get out on time.

I just hope you have learnt your lesson. Do you even know what your husband is doing in Dubai. Are you sure its even legal. I believe everything happens for a reason and you may just have been saved by not going to Dubai.

Well said. He could be into drugs in Dubai and could use her/put her into trouble. I hate the legal system in Nigeria and the judiciary is the worst you can get any other place in the world. The guy should have been picked up and sent to jail. How can one beat up his legally married wife for God's sake? Thank God she got out and I support her to seek for a divorce.

I hate when ladies hang in in an abusive relationship and people would be advising her to hang in there and when the beast gets her killed, they will turn around to blame same lady. Marriage is not by force and if you find any threat, take a walk.

Taryur3:

Bolade...busy body...your approco...too.much.I hope u are paying the consultation fee...for her...if she finally divorce...just make sure your lawyer get her a perfect man.thanks for your concern

But you took this matter too personal oooooo, Sir, what's the matter? Did you take your time to read her previous thread to follow this story? I bet you didn't, I am a Catholic and I so much detest divorce but in this woman's case she has endured enough. Her MIL does not like her and the husband is an overgrown baby and she just recently revealed that he beats her even on his occasional visits to Nigeria, can you imagine that? A husband you don't see for months, sometimes years and then he comes home and turns you to a punching bag? Really? Should she be glad he is beating her? and then she ran away from home and the husband never even bothered to wade into the matter with maturity by having a heart to heart talk with her, he should have thought of it if he was thoughtful that for his darling wife to have absconded away from the house then she must have been suffering, we are Nigerians and we can endure things but for her to have gotten an escape route then something must have been wrong somewhere, but no he was busy listening to his mother. Do you think it's a thing of joy for her too. She is a Catholic and she was wedded in the Catholic Church, and the last time I checked my faith isn't in support of divorce. Do you have an idea what it's gonna cost her? I would have suggested a temporary separation to see if things can work out but they have been separated for a while now and nothing is changing, it's still the same old story and she needs to move on with her life, what do you want her to do?

Notyourb1tch:


s.hut up will ya. You are the type of guy that will convince a woman in an abusive relationship to stay and then when she is killed me the first to condemn. Life does not revolve around you. If she wants a divorce it ain't your business and has nothing to do with you unless you are her path ethic excuse of a man husband hiding behind this username?

@youbitch...why do you come and abuse me here...? Seems you high with uk weed...abi? Every toiling has an expiry date...oh...did you think,divorcing will end her struggle...you are a kid in this aspect...av seen so much abusive relationship that is hotter than her own and they are still in existence today.the ball is in her court to choose which ever way that pays her.wts I can see here is mere misunderstanding....live our baby with our parent and come to dubai to work...is the main issue here...she is not going there to stay permanently
..why cnt u guys advise her to go and huzzle for a year in which I think she can visit naija in between to check her daughter.of he stays with her husband for a while there ...she will have some control over him than his parent who is giving order...you guys only think in one way that's why APC keep failing you as u guys just vote for change.no body think of it been positive or negative.shiooor

andyanders:


Well said. He could be into drugs in Dubai and could use her/put her into trouble. I hate the legal system in Nigeria and the judiciary is the worst you can get any other place in the world. The guy should have been picked up and sent to jail. How can one beat op his legally married wife for God's sake? Thank God she got out and I support her to seek for a divorce.

I hate when ladies hang in in an abusive relationship and people would be advising her to hang in there and when the beast gets her killed, they will turn around to blame same lady. Marriage is not by force and if you find any threat, take a walk.

if only there were more men like u

femimighty:
It's sad that family is just the no 1 target to destabilize a nation.Once the family is disjointed,it affects so many other aspects of our lives.
I am a living example of your story and my wife nearly divorced me but for God's intervention.
She misunderstood me totally thinking that I was irresponsible but unknown to her life was very tough.I couldn't even send anything reasonable to my family for years but alas God saw my heart and gave her the grace to hold on.
I want to encourage you not to file for divorce yet as it doesn't seem to be best option but commit things into the hands of God.Bible says they that faint in the days of adversity are of little strength.This is your period of adversity.wait upon the Lord and you will see his salvation.
Your marriage shall be wonderful again.

My dear,your case is different. you never had it but u knew u had a family to care for. you had them at heart. My husband of recent has bath his body with tattoos and flexing on Facebook to bluff me. well,he knows how much tattoos disgust me so that shudn't move me. My point is the guy is not complaining of anything like cash,he is just listening to his mother's voice. And now I think he has moved on self. I can't be waiting till Jesus comes na.
The man in question is my first man,my first love. I love him despite all and I wish we both grew our baby together but the love I have for him,he obviously has not even half for me. While we dated,I did him some unforgettable favours,I sense he married me cuz he tot he owe me but and wanted to pay back. probably he is not just ready to settle down. but I will not keep waiting until he makes up his mind,I have a life to live.

Prettiepearlz:

But you took this matter too personal oooooo, Sir, what's the matter? Did you take your time to read her previous thread to follow this story? I bet you didn't, I am a Catholic and I so much detest divorce but in this woman's case she has endured enough. Her MIL does not like her and the husband is an overgrown baby and she just recently revealed that he beats her even on his occasional visits to Nigeria, can you imagine that? A husband you don't see for months, sometimes years and then he comes home and turns you to a punching bag? Really? Should she be glad he is beating her? and then she ran away from home and the husband never even bothered to wade into the matter with maturity by having a heart to heart talk with her, he should have thought of it if he was thoughtful that for his darling wife to have absconded away from the house then she must have been suffering, we are Nigerians and we can endure things but for her to have gotten an escape route then something must have been wrong somewhere, but no he was busy listening to his mother. Do you think it's a thing of joy for her too. She is a Catholic and she was wedded in the Catholic Church, and the last time I checked my faith isn't in support of divorce. Do you have an idea what it's gonna cost her? I would have suggested a temporary separation to see if things can work out but they have been separated for a while now and nothing is changing, it's still the same old story and she needs to move on with her life, what do you want her to do?

@Pearls....I can see that you are a responsible and we'll nurtured girl...Truly youve wrote something serious but still not the best.I went tru both the old and her new story and I am not blind to comprehend wts going on here.I am born and brought up in catholic family too...I have a uncle that is a rev...father...I would have even be a priest today...had it been my mum supported me...but thank God for whom I am today. I guess this lady married to a yoruba guy...and if this is tru. ..try and comprehend what yoruba marriage looks like.it has not been easy I can tell you especially when the husband family is against you.the issue here is...come and work in dubai while you live our baby with my parent after six month.I know it's not easy especially the love between a new mother and a baby...but every struggling have an expiry date now...which marriage is perfect?I have seen alot of similar things like this especially with guys abroad. What this people need is just to see each other in the absent of their parents and settle out things...there are some people advising her for divorce...I shake my head...I think they said d devil you know is better than the one you are not familiar with...I cnt pour out much here buh I wish to get the contact of this lady and talk to her. I never support that naughty man beating her wife in such critical condition but you guys never hear from the other side and you judge so sharp.I stand with my own...divorce is not the best...we are all human...the stubborn man can come to his sense if some certain ppu talk to him.God bless

Taryur3:

@youbitch...why do you come and abuse me here...? Seems you high with uk weed...abi? Every toiling has an expiry date...oh...did you think,divorcing will end her struggle...you are a kid in this aspect...av seen so much abusive relationship that is hotter than her own and they are still in existence today.the ball is in her court to choose which ever way that pays her.wts I can see here is mere misunderstanding....live our baby with our parent and come to dubai to work...is the main issue here...she is not going there to stay permanently
..why cnt u guys advise her to go and huzzle for a year in which I think she can visit naija in between to check her daughter.of he stays with her husband for a while there ...she will have some control over him than his parent who is giving order...you guys only think in one way that's why APC keep failing you as u guys just vote for change.no body think of it been positive or negative.shiooor

Utter bollocks. firstly just because some fools decide to stay in abusive relationships does not mean everyone needs too. The will always be better and worse situations. That's life. It seems you don't have anything reasonable to say so please stop quoting me.

Why should a mother abandon her baby for someone else to raise especially someone who hates her guts. I don't know what kind of person you are but I know that it is extremely difficult to leave ur child behind. Some people actually want to raise their kids. Did your mother leave you for others to raise you?

Secondly what is she going to do in Dubai?More likely than not he may be into something illegal like drugs or fraud and if she went there she would be forced to do such. What if she gets arrested there or something bad happens? What If he is married or has a gf in Dubai?

Anyways I dunno why you are killing urself over her matter. She wants a divorce and you ranting here like a baby won't change a thing. Get over yourself.

Nd some unlucky woman will marry this one.

Juzzybabe:


"permission to abort" Aba,no na. Secondly,I only seek advice. Since its faceless, I think its best talking to a large Number of people and weighing their opinions not like I can't take decisions of my own,but things like marriage needs absolute care and cautions. Thirdly, I have been waiting for a change since,nothing seems to be getting better. He has told my family am not his wife. my dear,I can't say it all. well,I have a good and well paid job,my daughter is growing up well and I make sure I provide all she needs. Am a woman and am human,I have feelings. The last thing I want to do is sleep with another man knowing am still entangled with another. So as to not sin,I better quit the fruitless one at hand and move on. I have tried!

Sorry babes, I don put jara for you baa. I was referring to that part where you were asking him whether to stop the pregnancy pills or not. Anyways, it doesn't matter anymore, pls try and forget the past. Happy to hear that you are financially independent and you can comfortably sustain yourself. That's problem half-solved.

On the divorce issue, like someone said, you know where the shoe pinches most. Do what's best for you. The decision to stay or leave lies entirely with you and not us. Through it all, pray for God's guidance. Best wishes!

Lawyers are useless sets of individuals.

They ll advise you wrongly and tear your family apart.

Your case is a strange one really but. I cannot draw conclusions here because I know I am not hearing the whole story. There are many other factors affecting this relationship with your hubby. Try to figure them out and work on them with patience and all honesty. Try that for the next 1 or 2 yrs till you get more independent of him. If he doesn't change and things don't get better, hire that lawyer to come and destroy it all.

........And move on.


Good luck.

Notyourb1tch:


Utter bollocks. firstly just because some fools decide to stay in abusive relationships does not mean everyone needs too. The will always be better and worse situations. That's life. It seems you don't have anything reasonable to say so please stop quoting me.

Why should a mother abandon her baby for someone else to raise especially someone who hates her guts. I don't know what kind of person you are but I know that it is extremely difficult to leave ur child behind. Some people actually want to raise their kids. Did your mother leave you for others to raise you?

Secondly what is she going to do in Dubai?More likely than not he may be into something illegal like drugs or fraud and if she went there she would be forced to do such. What if she gets arrested there or something bad happens? What If he is married or has a gf in Dubai?

Anyways I dunno why you are killing urself over her matter. She wants a divorce and you ranting here like a baby won't change a thing. Get over yourself.

Nd some unlucky woman will marry this one.

If you are married goodluck to you...but if you are not may u be an unlucky woman to your husband...abi wereh leleyi...ni...did she speculate that her husband is into drug business in her write up...? I can see that you among those nigerians that have the concept that most guys in abroad deal with drugs to survive. ..You guys talk more of what you don't know...you are too little to argue with you here.what I will tell the Op is to remain focus and try her best on how her marriage can be safe...who knows may you already eyeing the man?when you have little challenge in your own marriage pls divorce your man...you hear?

dominique:


So she should stay married till she ends up like Titi Arowolo or Nike Shonde abi? What's your problem with op getting a divorce and how is it any of your business if she finds another man to marry her or not? Someone wants to move on from a loveless abusive marriage, all you can yap about is who wants to marry a single mum as if that is what is remotely on her mind at the moment. Newsflash, single mums like Mercy Aigbe and Nairalander Mollytinrox were able to find love again and are happily married, God willing Juzzybabe will also find a man that will love and appreciate her as she is (not that being a single mum is the worst thing to happen to a person).

Dominique...am not in support of a man beating his wife...but if you have little misunderstanding with your husband and his family...please seek for divorce...u hear?one sensible girl advise her to pray hard...you are hear misleading her...continue...

Taryur3:

Dominique...am not in support of a man beating his wife...but if you have little misunderstanding with your husband and his family...please seek for divorce...u hear?one sensible girl advise her to pray hard...you are hear misleading her...continue...

I don't know if I should call you evil or mentally unstable. You mean being beaten to a pulp while pregnant and being detested by your in-laws are 'little misunderstandings'? I'd like to know what 'big misunderstandings' entails. I am not a fan of divorce but any environment where your well-being, sanity and life are at stake should not be managed. Juzzybabe has made up her mind that she wants to move on, no one here led her to her decision. All she needs is legal advise on how to move on, if you don't have any for her then keep shut.

Notyourb1tch:
I read your other thread and it literally broke my heart. You have been through so much and I am so glad you were able to get yourself and baby out of that toxic environment.

This is a clear lesson for women as we should always learn from our relationship.

Marrying the wrong guy and into the wrong family can cause a lot of stress. Its good that you are thinking about the future wrt your child. Get a good lawyer, get custody and I believe that a divorce is possible.

You deserve to be happy and free of those toxic people. I believe that you can find true love again. My grandma experienced something similar with her first husband but she met my grandpa so it is still possible. Irrespective I would rather be alone and at peace and concentrate on my baby, family and job than have to deal with that silly excuse of a man and his wicked family. I applaud you two years is no beans. At least you have done your part.

Easier said by a single lady who has never been committed to a man

Marriage is not something one just jumps into...one has to earnestly seek Gods face

dominique:


I don't know if I should call you evil or mentally unstable. You mean being beaten to a pulp while pregnant and being detested by your in-laws are 'little misunderstandings'? I'd like to know what 'big misunderstandings' entails. I am not a fan of divorce but any environment where your well-being, sanity and life are at stake should not be managed. Juzzybabe has made up her mind that she wants to move on, no one here led her to her decision. All she needs is legal advise on how to move on, if you don't have any for her then keep shut.

It's a free world...you can call me any...no one will beat or arrest you...this is social media where manners are being buried...pls dnt quote me again...your advise is the best.beast of ireland.

Dreal11247:
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

This advice is a worthless one.
@juzzybabe, please leave while you can.

Marriage sucks!!! Am not just cutout for the hustle mehn. Single parenting has always been in my mind.

MRBrownJ:
so many clueless women will be so desperate to punish a man that they wouldnt even understand that the worst person affected here is the poor kid in the middle. they selfishly use children as the bait for unwilling men (for whatever reason) to stay with them, or have any contact with their kids under their BS rules. keep fooling yourself!

I was screening through comments and I knew I would see your kind, the kind that talks through the anus. A poor woman abused and rejected doesn't understand her husband. Whats their to understand? African men are jokers raised by useless ethic cultures to abuse women and you are one of a kind. Ur level of stupidity must be commended, it's so rare . keep fooling urself, don't bother quoting me cause I won't reply.

Hello,its upto you,the siblings and mother dnt love you,why wait for so long,do you want to kill yourself untimely,then he will definately marry another woman if he is not already done dat sef,then your daughter will be taken by him to be beating severely by step mum,i just pity you,wise up,good men are out there for you.

Juzzybabe:


He's no more begging o,in short, i realized he was only begging to cajole me in bringing back the baby so that he can take her. I keep asking him the same question,the same baby he almost killed in my womb,now he wanna claim he has a child,what if she had not survived the tension. Anyway,my daughter is very strong o, and very brilliant. Am grateful to God for his Grace Tho. His siblings has been silent in all of this. None of them has said anything.

Taryur3:

Stop advising her for divorce.can you marry a single mother if you are a man

Yes I can, and I will love her kids like my blood.

Dreal11247:
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

Awesome response there. I read so many things about marriage and i become mute because if i talk they come and start saying am being sanctimonious. Marriage is an institution ordained by God, God must be consulted, involved in any. Too many wrong foundations causing havic today and divorce is not the way out.

Op please pray oo, no comot from frying pan to fire!! May God see you through.

Like Nathaniel Bassey said, when one marries wrongly, the word the bible have for such an one is that. "My grace is sufficient for you".