₦airaland Forum

grossintel:
Yes I can, and I will love her kids like my blood.

samuelson06:
@Juzzybabe

Please don't go divorce. Probably, you guys started on a wrong foot. But at least you both were legally married. As humans, we all have different life journies. Don't feel your mates are having a wonderful life and family out there and you are here 'suffering.' No! What has happened has happened. I'll encourage you to see the whole thing as a challenge. Face it and win it - get your husband back. This is a trick of the devil to shatter your life. Don't give up. I tell you, there's no better life out there. You may not know the challenge your husband is facing over there. Why not make him your prayer point everyday? Why not wake at midnight to pray for him? See, prayer works. Pray for his life, pray for his return and also pray for what he'll be doing when he returns to re-unite with you. It's that simple! You have a stake in his life and your prayers would affect him directly. Pray and believe God that He is working out an answer for you. Like you always wanted, raise the child the Lord's way. Tell her good things about dad. Tell her dad would return soon to be with her. Don't make her feel dad doesn't care or hates you both even though situation may appear to be so but you don't know God's mind about the issue. If you have any grudge against him, put it away. Call him and tell him his family misses him. One important key here is that your prayers and other things you talk to him on phone must be from your heart. And your heart must be free of hate or grudges about anyone. Forgive and make peace with all. You wouldn't tell me that deep inside you, apart from all that has happened over time, you've got not a little love for him again; you wouldn't tell me that you won't like to see your family a one strong united family. Don't let anybody convince you to seek for divorce. You've got no guarantee that life outside there is going to be without challenges, and if you feel it wouldn't be a challenge of this nature, I'll tell you that a challenge is a challenge. Your approach to the situation would determine your future. I know you have a choice to respond to it the way you want, but I'll advice you to respond to it God's way. There's always a reward for those who endure. Be prayerful. You can change things for good. Learn to make God happy in your situations. I can still talk to you more if you send me a PM. There are other things I can't say here.

Taryur3:
Lols...u nailed it...goodluck.but divorce is not the best my brother

SemuhleB:
The type of men we have these days are just sickening. Its like the bad to good man ratio is 9/1. Nigerian women are really suffering and the worst part is the laws seems to favour men.

There is so much advise I could give you but more likely than not you don't have those avenues in Nigeria. That guy would have been locked up for assault. Threats and harassment are a serious thing as well and are not taking lightly.

I really dunno how some Nigerian girls deal with these beasts. The fear of Nigerian men is the beginning of wisdom.

What's worse is some losers want to turn around and blame the woman for her role in getting beaten and that no man wants a single mum. Wtf who says such things.

I have a newfound respect for Nigerian women like the op and not those silly hilly billies.

Relationships are not a do or die affair and you were sensible enough to get out on time.

I just hope you have learnt your lesson. Do you even know what your husband is doing in Dubai. Are you sure its even legal. I believe everything happens for a reason and you may just have been saved by not going to Dubai.

Juzzybabe:
"permission to abort" Aba,no na. Secondly,I only seek advice. Since its faceless, I think its best talking to a large Number of people and weighing their opinions not like I can't take decisions of my own,but things like marriage needs absolute care and cautions. Thirdly, I have been waiting for a change since,nothing seems to be getting better. He has told my family am not his wife. my dear,I can't say it all. well,I have a good and well paid job,my daughter is growing up well and I make sure I provide all she needs. Am a woman and am human,I have feelings. The last thing I want to do is sleep with another man knowing am still entangled with another. So as to not sin,I better quit the fruitless one at hand and move on. I have tried!

Juzzybabe:
My dear,your case is different. you never had it but u knew u had a family to care for. you had them at heart. My husband of recent has bath his body with tattoos and flexing on Facebook to bluff me. well,he knows how much tattoos disgust me so that shudn't move me. My point is the guy is not complaining of anything like cash,he is just listening to his mother's voice. And now I think he has moved on self. I can't be waiting till Jesus comes na.
The man in question is my first man,my first love. I love him despite all and I wish we both grew our baby together but the love I have for him,he obviously has not even half for me. While we dated,I did him some unforgettable favours,I sense he married me cuz he tot he owe me but and wanted to pay back. probably he is not just ready to settle down. but I will not keep waiting until he makes up his mind,I have a life to live.

Dreal11247:
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

Dreal11247:
Painful it may be. Really sorry for the experience.
But I made a statement that there are forces that fight marriages and at times automatically start working immediately after the marriage. There is nothing prayers cannot do . Most of the times, it is the man''s spirit wife and the woman's spirit husband that are fighting which now manipulate the couple into hating each other. If not properly and cautiously arrested with adequate prayers, could result in the breakage of the marriage.

I learnt of a case in which the man was chasing after the wife with a cutlass. The woman escaped to a church and was praying. Later on, the man located the wife and when asked why he was chasing after the wife with a cutlass, you won't believe his answer. He said that he was chasing after a goat with all seriousness. Assuming the woman didn't run for her dear life, that would have been her end. Divorce l don't think is the best solution. Prayer is still your best option.

MRBrownJ:
so many clueless women will be so desperate to punish a man that they wouldnt even understand that the worst person affected here is the poor kid in the middle. they selfishly use children as the bait for unwilling men (for whatever reason) to stay with them, or have any contact with their kids under their BS rules. keep fooling yourself!

Amicable24:
Was he like this during courtship?? What was your relationship like before the wedding??
.
.
BTW, I'll recommend you see the movie 'War Room' by Kendrick Brothers.. It's a Christian movie about broken marriage and the way forward.. I saw it jst recently and it made a huge impact in my life (though I'm still single). It gave me a new perception about marriage and how God can make a broken marriage stable again.. Pls, watch it if u can, and dnt relent on prayers and the Word of God.. These are the weapon of warfare we Christians use to overcome Satan and his wicked ways.. Pls see that movie, and I hope it will be of great help to you.. I'm not saying you should rely on the movie for a restoration in your marriage, no, it's only God that can restore love and happiness in your marriage..

Memyselfu2009:
The only grand for divorce is Adultery.

Apollux:
The truth about this is that we are only seeing this issue from 1 side. Let's not be hasty to judge and conclude matters based on a one sided account. That is one thing I have learnt about marriage, it matter is never truly the way it appears from the account of just one of the party. If the husband is allowed to come and give his own account, you will be surprised. Let's just give her advice on how to make d marriage work. But if she has made up her mind to divorce, she doesn't need any advice to do that. Anyway like I will say divorce is never the solution unless on very few extreme cases that involves threat to life or domestic violence. No human is perfect. if u divorce now, u will be hoping to get married to another person and if dat Doesn't work, u will get another divorce. zo how many divorce r u going to endure? Take note, divorce is never easy. I will advise u to take an object thoughtful approach ro dis. Buey ur bias for now

iamclime:
This is sad! I will recommend three publications for you ( if you wish to read and make use of them) 1. The Secret of Family Happiness 2. Your Family Can Be Happy 3. Teach Your Children. They are all available for download free at JW.org
Also, read and apply Philippians 4:6,7 in the Holy Bible. May your wounds heal and may your sun always shine.

Muyogoa:
Juzzybabe that is what you get when u run after tall dark and handsome. Attracted to the physique and not the content of the man

Taryur3:
Stop advising her for divorce.can you marry a single mother if you are a man

oodua1stson:
someone beat you while you're pregnant and you still call him husband.




Dint get me angry this night.




Ill tell yuo what to do, you can divorce him in absentia(YES)



2) Cut off every contact you have with him(stop picking his calls and if possible throw your sim cards away and get new sim)



3) make sure your family no longer pick his calls. Whenever he calls they should pick it, and not say anything(waste the bastard credit)



4) make up your mind that he's dead and forever forget him

Taryur3:
Gerrarahere.mama lawyer...if you help her to divorce her man...will you find another one for her?you have to sign with her that both of you will marry your husband before you make any step in advising her for divorce...wts going on here is misunderstanding which can easily be settled if both of them have their own privacy.

Taryur3:
Am not in support of the beating...Will you get a man to marry her if she divorce...how many men are interested in single mum...think before you advise this lady...wtf

Kekenapep:
As some wise people already mentioned, this story is basically one-sided having gone through this thread and the other one. I have seen situations where when the truth is unveiled and you hear the other side you will be surprised at how opinions can drastically change. This is called objectivity. This is a life skill and what I have seen is that both parties are USUALLY at fault ESPECIALLY on marital issues. You cannot exonerate one side completely. When both parties are ready to eat thier pride then progress can be made. But then only a house built on the rock can stand Mat 7.

scachy:
Some advise I see here though. Some people are nothing but home wreckers. Throw ur small problem here and they ll help u break ur home into pieces with their comments. Smh.

The illusion people suffer nowadays is that they thought marriage is as sweet n smooth as it sounds. Every marriage goes through one storm or another, but with time things will get better. Ur case is not d worst. Just pray n endure until he comes back again n see if u guys can sort things out. Kill that divorce thought for now. Secondly, if u don't lik d way things r going in ur family, change d way u communicate with ur partner. it helps a lot. I feel ur pain though but nothing is impossible for God to do. Pray that God ll rekindle the love that brought the two of u together so that ur marriage can be sustained.

Taryur3:
You getting her a lawyer to advise her for divorce right?make sure that your lawyer secure her a perfect man too .besides...tell me any marriage that is perfect...

histemple:
Were you expecting your mum to tell you that the child is yours alone?
For God's sake, you ran away with that child from the guy's parents.
The only legal resort you have now is to sue him for desertion, but can you prove that he actually deserted you and the child?------that is, did he run away from his known address?
I hope you will tell the child that you refused to stay with your in-laws and absconded to your preferred destination only to claim that he is irresponsible?

samuelson06:
@Juzzybabe

Please don't go divorce. Probably, you guys started on a wrong foot. But at least you both were legally married. As humans, we all have different life journies. Don't feel your mates are having a wonderful life and family out there and you are here 'suffering.' No! What has happened has happened. I'll encourage you to see the whole thing as a challenge. Face it and win it - get your husband back. This is a trick of the devil to shatter your life. Don't give up. I tell you, there's no better life out there. You may not know the challenge your husband is facing over there. Why not make him your prayer point everyday? Why not wake at midnight to pray for him? See, prayer works. Pray for his life, pray for his return and also pray for what he'll be doing when he returns to re-unite with you. It's that simple! You have a stake in his life and your prayers would affect him directly. Pray and believe God that He is working out an answer for you. Like you always wanted, raise the child the Lord's way. Tell her good things about dad. Tell her dad would return soon to be with her. Don't make her feel dad doesn't care or hates you both even though situation may appear to be so but you don't know God's mind about the issue. If you have any grudge against him, put it away. Call him and tell him his family misses him. One important key here is that your prayers and other things you talk to him on phone must be from your heart. And your heart must be free of hate or grudges about anyone. Forgive and make peace with all. You wouldn't tell me that deep inside you, apart from all that has happened over time, you've got not a little love for him again; you wouldn't tell me that you won't like to see your family a one strong united family. Don't let anybody convince you to seek for divorce. You've got no guarantee that life outside there is going to be without challenges, and if you feel it wouldn't be a challenge of this nature, I'll tell you that a challenge is a challenge. Your approach to the situation would determine your future. I know you have a choice to respond to it the way you want, but I'll advice you to respond to it God's way. There's always a reward for those who endure. Be prayerful. You can change things for good. Learn to make God happy in your situations. I can still talk to you more if you send me a PM. There are other things I can't say here.

Taryur3:
Bolade...busy body...your approco...too.much.I hope u are paying the consultation fee...for her...if she finally divorce...just make sure your lawyer get her a perfect man.thanks for your concern

femimighty:
It's sad that family is just the no 1 target to destabilize a nation.Once the family is disjointed,it affects so many other aspects of our lives.
I am a living example of your story and my wife nearly divorced me but for God's intervention.
She misunderstood me totally thinking that I was irresponsible but unknown to her life was very tough.I couldn't even send anything reasonable to my family for years but alas God saw my heart and gave her the grace to hold on.
I want to encourage you not to file for divorce yet as it doesn't seem to be best option but commit things into the hands of God.Bible says they that faint in the days of adversity are of little strength.This is your period of adversity.wait upon the Lord and you will see his salvation.
Your marriage shall be wonderful again.

dominique:
So she should stay married till she ends up like Titi Arowolo or Nike Shonde abi? What's your problem with op getting a divorce and how is it any of your business if she finds another man to marry her or not? Someone wants to move on from a loveless abusive marriage, all you can yap about is who wants to marry a single mum as if that is what is remotely on her mind at the moment. Newsflash, single mums like Mercy Aigbe and Nairalander Mollytinrox were able to find love again and are happily married, God willing Juzzybabe will also find a man that will love and appreciate her as she is (not that being a single mum is the worst thing to happen to a person).

MsGlobalwonder:
I think you need to take your meds! It's important, u're losing grip to reality. All your lamentation is about her getting married again, what is your business? Is it your life? Why are your getting worked up over dat? You conveniently left out the major issues like abandonment and domestic violence even while 8months pregnant. Smh! Take your meds fast. It probably will get worse.

Juzzybabe:
"permission to abort" Aba,no na. Secondly,I only seek advice. Since its faceless, I think its best talking to a large Number of people and weighing their opinions not like I can't take decisions of my own,but things like marriage needs absolute care and cautions. Thirdly, I have been waiting for a change since,nothing seems to be getting better. He has told my family am not his wife. my dear,I can't say it all. well,I have a good and well paid job,my daughter is growing up well and I make sure I provide all she needs. Am a woman and am human,I have feelings. The last thing I want to do is sleep with another man knowing am still entangled with another. So as to not sin,I better quit the fruitless one at hand and move on. I have tried!

samuelson06:
@Juzzybabe

Please don't go divorce. Probably, you guys started on a wrong foot. But at least you both were legally married. As humans, we all have different life journies. Don't feel your mates are having a wonderful life and family out there and you are here 'suffering.' No! What has happened has happened. I'll encourage you to see the whole thing as a challenge. Face it and win it - get your husband back. This is a trick of the devil to shatter your life. Don't give up. I tell you, there's no better life out there. You may not know the challenge your husband is facing over there. Why not make him your prayer point everyday? Why not wake at midnight to pray for him? See, prayer works. Pray for his life, pray for his return and also pray for what he'll be doing when he returns to re-unite with you. It's that simple! You have a stake in his life and your prayers would affect him directly. Pray and believe God that He is working out an answer for you. Like you always wanted, raise the child the Lord's way. Tell her good things about dad. Tell her dad would return soon to be with her. Don't make her feel dad doesn't care or hates you both even though situation may appear to be so but you don't know God's mind about the issue. If you have any grudge against him, put it away. Call him and tell him his family misses him. One important key here is that your prayers and other things you talk to him on phone must be from your heart. And your heart must be free of hate or grudges about anyone. Forgive and make peace with all. You wouldn't tell me that deep inside you, apart from all that has happened over time, you've got not a little love for him again; you wouldn't tell me that you won't like to see your family a one strong united family. Don't let anybody convince you to seek for divorce. You've got no guarantee that life outside there is going to be without challenges, and if you feel it wouldn't be a challenge of this nature, I'll tell you that a challenge is a challenge. Your approach to the situation would determine your future. I know you have a choice to respond to it the way you want, but I'll advice you to respond to it God's way. There's always a reward for those who endure. Be prayerful. You can change things for good. Learn to make God happy in your situations. I can still talk to you more if you send me a PM. There are other things I can't say here.