I still wonder what initially fascinated into marrying this guy. Hope it wasn't his material show workings...


I suspect that...

Taryur3:

Pearls...it's well o...I only read about the thread she posted somtimes December and this new one though.couldn't see where they dated for 9yrs...the coutship period doesn't matter though...av seen 4months courtship that leads to a successful marriage.it all depends on individual.am not that stupid to support that naughty man for failing to perform his duty.but I think he change his mind of taking the lady to dubai simply because she is already pregnant...and in which he restated that she will come over after she put to bed...I pity the situation the lady us passing through in the hands of her husband family but you might be shocked if the guy explained his own side too...majority advise e her to divorce...fine..if she can handle that.but I will advise her to seek her own mother's advise because most of this noisemakers here have nothing to offer..they only think in one direction.divorce...divorce...divorce...I have an elder cousin that experience the worst any girl can pass tru in the hands of mother inlaw...very similar to this ladies own she passed tru this stress for 3years...many advise her to divorce even her elder siblings rejected her but she was so wise to seek her pastors advise in which she surrendered to all the wishes of her husband and after that things started falling in places...to cut the story short...they both live with peace now in Chicago...the same husband that couldn't send her $100 then took her to the dealer and bought her 2012 Nissan altima with cash not with credit card in the year 2012.they are bless now with 3kids...Dear,this woman has forgotten the stress in the early marriage.those friends and even her elder sisters that advise her to divorce cnt swallow their words again...because she narrated some advise she got from friends to her husband...I have visited them several times from another state and even spent many weekends with the family.she is living large and very comfortable in her matrimonial home now.ok...had it been she divorce then she might not have this opportunity again in her entire life.the baby that caused the issue then is a big baby girl now...Not all advise that seems to be fine are the best.every marriages has dere own challenges...it only takes d grace of God to be a conqueror...I pray the OP find happiness in whichever advise she choose.And you prettypearls...May God almighty find and give you your the bone of your bone if you still single...Marriage is a skul where you dnt graduate...you keep learning everyday.thanks...it's well.dnt mind my english...I have no time to crossecheck.thanks

Amen and you too, please don't marry and leave your wife in Nigeria ooooo cos I can see you are based abroad and if you're married, I wish you all the best in your marriage and don't forget your Faith.
Yeah, I understand your point sir but in your elder cousin's case, was she being abused physically too? And that it worked for her doesn't mean it will work for someone else, remember the saying "whatever rocks my both may sink your ship". InJuzzybaby case, she was being abused both physically and emotionally, all I want for this lady is happiness and I want her to get her life back and I pray God directs her. But sir, your point is understandable but don't you think the way you are making it known is the issues others have with you? Please take it easy, it's a faceless forum. And remember everyone's opinionated.

[quote author=Antiparticle post=46583316]are you freaking serious? she was beaten to a bloody coma while eight-months pregnant and your only question is to ask her about her contribution to the situation?
[color=#006600]
Do you think that it is ever justifiable to hit a woman if she does something that the husband doesn't like

Read my question again. This time, slowly.

Prettiepearlz:

Amen and you too, please don't marry and leave your wife in Nigeria ooooo cos I can see you are based abroad and if you're married, I wish you all the best in your marriage and don't forget your Faith.
Yeah, I understand your point sir but in your elder cousin's case, was she being abused physically too? And that it worked for her doesn't mean it will work for someone else, remember the saying "whatever rocks my both may sink your ship". InJuzzybaby case, she was being abused both physically and emotionally, all I want for this lady is happiness and I want her to get her life back and I pray God directs her. But sir, your point is understandable but don't you think the way you are making it known is the issues others have with you? Please take it easy, it's a faceless forum. And remember everyone's opinionated.

Well,my cousin faced everytype of abuse any new wife can face from thier inlaws...she just determined her mind that no matter what happened to me...I will save my marriage...she said she always remember the number of people that turn up for the wedding...woke up at midnight and go tru the wedding pictures...seek the advise of elders not this noisemakers that be like ApC members on nairaland...the husband family collected her baby from her...an so on...the OP can make her decisions...it's a free world. About those that are having issues with me here...you think I care about thier insulting words? Lols...dem be woman naa... so I never expect them to back me up.am used to them...remember I was raised in the midst of females. ..so am not moved with their insult...they can continue na their problem not mine.thanks.

Taryur3:

Well,my cousin faced everytype of abuse any new wife can face from thier inlaws...she just determined her mind that no matter what happened to me...I will save my marriage...she said she always remember the number of people that turn up for the wedding...woke up at midnight and go tru the wedding pictures...seek the advise of elders not this noisemakers that be like ApC members on nairaland...the husband family collected her baby from her...an so on...the OP can make her decisions...it's a free world. About those that are having issues with me here...you think I care about thier insulting words? Lols...dem be woman naa... so I never expect them to back me up.am used to them...remember I was raised in the midst of females. ..so am not moved with their insult...they can continue na their problem not mine.thanks.

Just a quick one
Id like to point out to you that money does not heal all wounds for everyone especially if the victim are opportuned to make good money too.
You do know that God forbid he could have beaten your cousin to her death back then and he would have still bought a 2012 Altima for another new wife.
When Lekan Shode gets out of jail, he may remarry and possibly buy a car for his new wife. Same with arowolo.
You never said anything about your cousins husband being truly repentant or treating your cousin well after all he did which is what I was expecting to hear.

If your cousin was already driving a 2017 Altima she bought with her own cash, would she have accepted the 2012 Altima as a peace offering?
Think about it.

your fake orusha jesus will not work by Allah Olodumare.back to you,stop forcing your opinion on juzzybabe.

Taryur3:

Hey madam...did I quote you here...?why are you typing my name all over this thread? Why the insults? Did u know me before? Or are you insane? I just wrote my own opinion without insulting anyone and you continue running up like a mad goat.why don't you just write your own without insulting someone...?I dnt know if you are married...and if you do may you divorce soon in Jesus name as you wish the OP to divorce.why are you trying to scatter a marriage that was blessed at early stage...? Which marriage is perfect? If she divorce the stubborn man now...are you ready to engage her with a perfect man? No wonder most of you ladies always be a victim of circumstances...you only think in one direction. Why don't you help her to pray for her marriage....olodo oshi...Even her mum never advise her to divorce...you are here ranting she should seek for divorce...the OP should just becareful of the kind of advise she follow...your type cnt counsel pre nursery kid not to talk of marriage....Abosede...dnt let me have your time here...and never you quote or type my name all over again.thanks for understanding

Dreal11247:
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

my sister stop saying these things. You are not teaching people to take responsibility for their actions. There's nothing voodoo or spiritual about this. You should either help the lady out with sound LOGICAL advice or sit back and do nothing. Telling someone to pray rather than take immediate action to get back in control of their lives makes no sense at all. Abi don't u guys say "heaven helps those who help themselves"?

doll912:
What's your point?

MsGlobalwonder:
your point

achicares:
Out of point.

quivah:

You made absolutely no single sense! None at all.
I thought you were that intelligent man, maybe its seasonal tho.

as i can see some of you may have had problem understanding my post, i will post exactly what i mean, because there are TWO very important failed quotes from the OP here:

Juzzybabe:

THIS IS A DAMAGE DONE TO MY LIFE how can i make him pay for this?

It is either he signs to support this kid or forget he ever had a child with me

is caring for a child BLACKMAIL now? lets us NOT dwell on the story, what we DO know is that this guy is not making a lot of money in Dubai and he wanted her to come and hustle with him there, BEFORE they could bring the child over (which is what any caring parent SHOULD do). so we can confirm that A) money is tight and B) her help was needed in Dxb to make the family "stronger". that was always the plan since day one, she decided to run back to GH instead, which is her right.....

but here are the IMPORTANT questions that all of you should ask:
- if that man had no money before, why does this lady think that now that she is back in Ghana he will/should have any?
- if a father hasnt got financial support (thats the reason wifey had to stay at his parents, isnt it?), should he be automatically deleted from a child's life?!?!?!?!
- how is deleting the father from her life gonna solve ANY of the problem?
- wouldnt this broke father able to help the child emotionally?

this whole issue is about REVENGE, and nothing else, and this deluded lady is using her kids to get back at this man who "supposedly" damaged her life.

uzolexis:


I can't help but insult you if that would make you use your brain cos it seems your brain is on hold. How you are kicking against divorce is so insane, it is not OK, i repeat it is NEVER OK to stay in an abusive relationship. Also advising her to leave her child for her mother in-law on top a man that does not even care about her and with the way her mother in-law treats her. Telling her to keep praying, is it until God comes down himself and pulls her out of that marriage you will have sense?? God gave us a brain for a reason, her happiness is of utmost importance here. People like you should NEVER give marriage advise ever, I know marriage is not all rosy but physical abuse should not be a part of it. My Parents have been married for almost 30 yrs and my father has NEVER raised a hand on my mother and trust me they went through tough times but that did not give my Father license to hit my mum cos he was stressed. If that man kills her, God will blame her cos she was very selfish and didn't put her child into consideration cos she wants to be a Mrs

Carry your wahala and go...I once warned you not to quote me again.your advise is the best.u hear?make sure you open a firm and be a marriage counsellor...and any one that come up to you for advise...just tell them to divorce...u go make money welwel..bye...pls

MRBrownJ:








as i can see some of you may have had problem understanding my post, i will post exactly what i mean, because there are TWO very important failed quotes from the OP here:



is caring for a child BLACKMAIL now? lets us NOT dwell on the story, what we DO know is that this guy is not making a lot of money in Dubai and he wanted her to come and hustle with him there, BEFORE they could bring the child over (which is what any caring parent SHOULD do). so we can confirm that A) money is tight and B) her help was needed in Dxb to make the family "stronger". that was always the plan since day one, she decided to run back to GH instead, which is her right.....

but here are the IMPORTANT questions that all of you should ask:
- if that man had no money before, why does this lady think that now that she is back in Ghana he will/should have any?
- if a father hasnt got financial support (thats the reason wifey had to stay at his parents, isnt it?), should he be automatically deleted from a child's life?!?!?!?!
- how is deleting the father from her life gonna solve ANY of the problem?
- wouldnt this broke father able to help the child emotionally?

this whole issue is about REVENGE, and nothing else, and this deluded lady is using her kids to get back at this man who "supposedly" damaged her life.

i'm never gonna be surprised about anything in this life again. afteral, here on nairaland, some deluded folks were supporting lekan shonde for killing his wife. so, ur phantom analysis dont come as a shocker. also, it's either you didn't read her post and her subsequent rejoinders or you are related to her husband or you are a potential wife beater/killer or one already. two main issues are prominent here: 1. attempted murder... yes, he pummeled her while 8months pregnant and several times before and after that. she could have bled to death or lost the baby or both. 2. since she put to birth, he has never supported his child financially. if you followed @juzzybabe 's replies; u'll know he is doing that to ''punish'' her not because he doesn't have. he flaunts his riches and lifestyle to her face.
but no, you conveniently left the main issues and found a way to blame the victim!! typical... very typical. he calls her parents harassing them and disclaiming her as his wife, she should keep praying the ''war room' way abi? when he has obviously moved on? smh! he has the option of supporting his child financially or denouncing ownership since he already denounced the mother as his wife. you dont know the trauma she has gone through, please leave judgement for Almighty God the Chief Judge himself. quit being a judginus/judgina. she sought for legal help, if you cant help, jejely waka pass. cheers.

MsGlobalwonder:
i'm never gonna be surprised about anything in this life again. afteral, here on nairaland, some deluded folks were supporting lekan shonde for killing his wife. so, ur phantom analysis dont come as a shocker. also, it's either you didn't read her post and her subsequent rejoinders or you are related to her husband or you are a potential wife beater/killer or one already. two main issues are prominent here: 1. attempted murder... yes, he pummeled her while 8months pregnant and several times before and after that. she could have bled to death or lost the baby or both. 2. since she put to birth, he has never supported his child financially. if you followed @juzzybabe 's replies; u'll know he is doing that to ''punish'' her not because he doesn't have. he flaunts his riches and lifestyle to her face.
but no, you conveniently left the main issues and found a way to blame the victim!! typical... very typical. he calls her parents harassing them and disclaiming her as his wife, she should keep praying the ''war room' way abi? when he has obviously moved on? smh! he has the option of supporting his child financially or denouncing ownership since he already denounced the mother as his wife. you dont know the trauma she has gone through, please leave judgement for Almighty God the Chief Judge himself. quit being a judginus/judgina. she sought for legal help, if you cant help, jejely waka pass. cheers.

AGAIN, whether a man beats a woman OR NOT is irrelevant to the point at hand, because if that was REALLY an issue, then thats what the OP would have written as the MAIN reason why she needs a divorce... but, as we can all clearly see, even after all the beatings, this woman was willing to accept this man "IF":
- the husband has intention of settling down and having a family (with her)
- the husband shows signs of care AND remorse over he and his parents acts towards her.
- he supported the child in any way.

so stop fooling yourself, as i said earlier, this is just revenge (using their child) from the OP, because husband didnt do the above point

MRBrownJ:


AGAIN, whether a man beats a woman OR NOT is irrelevant to the point at hand, because if that was REALLY an issue, then thats what the OP would have written as the MAIN reason why she needs a divorce... but, as we can all clearly see, even after all the beatings, this woman was willing to accept this man "IF":
- the husband has intention of settling down and having a family (with her)
- the husband shows signs of car AND remorse over he and his parents acts towards her.
- he supported the child in any way.

so stop fooling yourself, as i said earlier, [color=#990000]this is just revenge[/color] (using their child) from the OP, because husband didnt do the above point

It's not JUST revenge as you have shown above. He abandoned his child and the moment he did, he - this is the line of reasoning - opted out of the privileges and responisbilities of a Father.

Now you can argue whether it is in the child's best interest but it is NOT just revenge. It's a logical consequence of the decisions he has made.

I, for my part, would allow my child to see his father when he decides to change his mind about father AND manhood and I wouldn't talk badly about him to my child - not out of some moral superiority or extraordinary character strength but for the simple reason that I would not want to hurt my child emotionally - but hell would freeze before I would allow him to have the same legal rights as I do when I had to do the work that was supposed to be divided - by law and nature - all by myself.

No responisbilities, no rights. Simples!

Mindfulness:

It's not JUST revenge as you have shown above. He abandoned his child and the moment he did, he - this is the line of reasoning - opted out of the privileges and responisbilities of a Father.

ABSOLUTELY NOT sista Mindfulness!!!!
yes, that man has no right to make any important decisions in that child's life BUT he certainly hasnt lost any PARENTAL RIGHT as to being the child's FATHER! whether this man acts right OR not, he will always remain the child's biological father, whether women like it or not... and thus should have access to his/her child whenever possible.

Now you can argue whether it is in the child's best interest but it is NOT just revenge. It's a logical consequence of the decisions he has made.

my main issue is the child here, and thats what these 2 irresponsible person should think about here... as ONE thing is certain, preventing a child to have access to their biological parents can only be counter productive to the child, unless there is a clear danger (which there isnt any here)

I, for my part, would allow my child to see his father when he decides to change his mind about father AND manhood and I wouldn't talk badly about him to my child - not out of some moral superiority or extraordinary character strength but for the simple reason that I would not want to hurt my child emotionally - but hell would freeze before I would allow him to have the same legal rights as I do when I had to do the work that was supposed to be divided - by law and nature - all by myself.

again, are you saying that if you'd separated from your hubby and he couldnt provide financially for the child's upkeep, you would refuse to let him see his child?! for what reason, if i may ask?! is having a setback (or being broke) against the family laws these days?

No responisbilities, no rights. Simples!

BLASPHEMY!!!! responsibilities arent just about MONEY, because if it was then many women would be deemed IRRESPONSIBLE, as gazillions around the world dont provide a dime yet dont lose their rights as parents... so let us not play hypocrites here. if daddy cant provide today and mummy can, then so be it, NOBODY loses their parental RIGHTS!

MRBrownJ:


AGAIN, whether a man beats a woman OR NOT is irrelevant to the point at hand, because if that was REALLY an issue, then thats what the OP would have written as the MAIN reason why she needs a divorce... but, as we can all clearly see, even after all the beatings, this woman was willing to accept this man "IF":
- the husband has intention of settling down and having a family (with her)
- the husband shows signs of car AND remorse over he and his parents acts towards her.
- he supported the child in any way.

so stop fooling yourself, as i said earlier, this is just revenge (using their child) from the OP, because husband didnt do the above point

I didn't wanna answer you cuz obviously you didn't read through my responses. I want family. I married him knowing he had nothing. Living in dubai doesn't mean he's rich but i had never had any love nor support from him although he was and is still capable of meeting ends he only dont want to do so. When i dated him,he lived on my pockets. I am a strong woman,i don't depend on people for survival. How i wish i could post of pix of my kid and myself. am beautiful,brilliant and talented and educated. Yes i have short short comings cuz am human. But i hate when u keep repeating "USING THE CHILD TO PUNISH HIM" Neither am i waiting for him to cater for my daughter. My daughter should be in the US to have a good life before this year runs out. My dear,am not waiting for him to support. as i type now,am still in the office. I work hard for my own money.
Y i will never take back my husband,i just discovered that my husband apart from all that has been conspiring between us had the guts to forward to my brothers closed pix i shared with him while he was away. He told my brothers am loosed to have snapped and send him such pix. but he requested for them. and i as a wife felt its good to share at least he is my husband. So dear, apart from all other thing this alone which i have not stated all along is reason far enough for me to stay clear of that dude. And trust me,my brothers are waiting for him. Some would say y didn't u leave ever since, but its marriage moreover i married the man i had truly loved. I hope some of us will learn from my mistakes tho.

MRBrownJ:


ABSOLUTELY NOT sista Mindfulness!!!!
yes, that man has no right to make any important decisions in that child's life BUT he certainly hasnt lost any PARENTAL RIGHT as to being the child's FATHER! whether this man acts right OR not, he will always remain the child's biological father, whether women like it or not... and thus should have access to his/her child whenever possible.

Are we discussing access to the child or legal settlements aka custody rights?
There is NO WAY I will share custody with someone who is not in the child's life for a considerable period of time.
Do you know what it means to have shared custody without the father being around? What if his signature / presence is needed to get the child some documents or anything else of that sort?

my main issue is the child here, and thats what these 2 irresponsible person should think about here... as ONE thing is certain, preventing a child to have access to their biological parents can only be counter productive to the child, unless there is a clear danger (which there isnt any here)

Is it?

So what is a mother supposed to tell her child when on picking her precious little one, the prescious little one starts asking questions why daddy does not pick her up from school like other daddies do? Or why he doesn't play with her like other daddies do? Or doesn't come to help when those bad boys in school act nasty toward her?

again, are you saying that if you'd separated from your hubby and he couldnt provide financially for the child's upkeep, you would refuse to let him see his child?! for what reason, if i may ask?! is having a setback (or being broke) against the family laws these days?

I wasn't even talking about money. That would be the least of my probelms. What about the emotional well-being of the child whose father doesn't give a f... ?

BLASPHEMY!!!! responsibilities arent just about MONEY, because if it was then many women would be deemed IRRESPONSIBLE, as gazillions around the world dont provide a dime yet dont lose their rights as parents... so let us not play hypocrites here. if daddy cant provide today and mummy can, then so be it, NOBODY loses their parental RIGHTS!

Who was talking about money?

Dreal11247:

Painful it may be. Really sorry for the experience.
But I made a statement that there are forces that fight marriages and at times automatically start working immediately after the marriage. There is nothing prayers cannot do . Most of the times, it is the man''s spirit wife and the woman's spirit husband that are fighting which now manipulate the couple into hating each other. If not properly and cautiously arrested with adequate prayers, could result in the breakage of the marriage.

I learnt of a case in which the man was chasing after the wife with a cutlass. The woman escaped to a church and was praying. Later on, the man located the wife and when asked why he was chasing after the wife with a cutlass, you won't believe his answer. He said that he was chasing after a goat with all seriousness. Assuming the woman didn't run for her dear life, that would have been her end. Divorce l don't think is the best solution. Prayer is still your best option.

If you marry the wrong person no amount of prayer will heal that marriage

MRBrownJ:








as i can see some of you may have had problem understanding my post, i will post exactly what i mean, because there are TWO very important failed quotes from the OP here:



is caring for a child BLACKMAIL now? lets us NOT dwell on the story, what we DO know is that this guy is not making a lot of money in Dubai and he wanted her to come and hustle with him there, BEFORE they could bring the child over (which is what any caring parent SHOULD do). so we can confirm that A) money is tight and B) her help was needed in Dxb to make the family "stronger". that was always the plan since day one, she decided to run back to GH instead, which is her right.....

but here are the IMPORTANT questions that all of you should ask:
- if that man had no money before, why does this lady think that now that she is back in Ghana he will/should have any?
- if a father hasnt got financial support (thats the reason wifey had to stay at his parents, isnt it?), should he be automatically deleted from a child's life?!?!?!?!
- how is deleting the father from her life gonna solve ANY of the problem?
- wouldnt this broke father able to help the child emotionally?

this whole issue is about REVENGE, and nothing else, and this deluded lady is using her kids to get back at this man who "supposedly" damaged her life.

Come to think of it, do u think he even care about the kid? NO. So y would i want to use my kid against him? If i were to be your sister, am sure you will hug such a BIL and tell him he's the best guy and hustling so he should stay in wherever he is until he get rich and marry another woman.
He is not rich but he is ok and meeting ends for himself. If you have no idea about what marriage entails, i will tell you today that communication and understanding matters most. I know his income in Dubai and its equivalent in Naira or dollars. I only married a self centered man that thinks about himself alone. Its not revenge or blackmailing. those on this forum who have interacted with me on phone knows me to some extent. Am bitter he knew he wasn't ready for marriage and he got me into it and now he feels he cant go on, but life has to go on. Am doing my best taking care of the kid alone, do u expect me to dash her to man man who has shown no care but have all the time to post on facebook the latest tattoos drawn on his body? If i were your sis,will that be your advice? what moral value can a man of such impact in his kid? teach her her how to pierce her body? I know he will come someday looking for his daughter,and i hate it when people thinks he has every right to his child weather he performed his duty or not,isn't that so sick to say? I left his parents because i didn't want to die there. Even tho i gets home late someday to have a chat with my daughter but the kiss on her head even when she's asleep,our Saturday trips,the fun we share is just too much to have missed in the cold hands of death. Leaving that house,even my enemies told me was the best thing i ever did. you need to see my before and after pics. you need to see me while pregnant, how depressed and sickly i was due to emotional stress. I have had enough sweetheart, am only sharing but trust me, am never going back.

MRBrownJ:








as i can see some of you may have had problem understanding my post, i will post exactly what i mean, because there are TWO very important failed quotes from the OP here:

is caring for a child BLACKMAIL now? lets us NOT dwell on the story, what we DO know is that this guy is not making a lot of money in Dubai and he wanted her to come and hustle with him there, BEFORE they could bring the child over (which is what any caring parent SHOULD do). so we can confirm that A) money is tight and B) her help was needed in Dxb to make the family "stronger". that was always the plan since day one, she decided to run back to GH instead, which is her right.....

but here are the IMPORTANT questions that all of you should ask:
- if that man had no money before, why does this lady think that now that she is back in Ghana he will/should have any?
- if a father hasnt got financial support (thats the reason wifey had to stay at his parents, isnt it?), should he be automatically deleted from a child's life?!?!?!?!
- how is deleting the father from her life gonna solve ANY of the problem?
- wouldnt this broke father able to help the child emotionally?

this whole issue is about REVENGE, and nothing else, and this deluded lady is using her kids to get back at this man who "supposedly" damaged her life.

Come to think of it, do u think he even care about the kid? NO. So y would i want to use my kid against him? If i were to be your sister, am sure you will hug such a BIL and tell him he's the best guy and hustling so he should stay in wherever he is until he get rich and marry another woman.
He is not rich but he is ok and meeting ends for himself. If you have no idea about what marriage entails, i will tell you today that communication and understanding matters most. I know his income in Dubai and its equivalent in Naira or dollars. I only married a self centered man that thinks about himself alone. Its not revenge or blackmailing. those on this forum who have interacted with me on phone knows me to some extent. Am bitter he knew he wasn't ready for marriage and he got me into it and now he feels he cant go on, but life has to go on. Am doing my best taking care of the kid alone, do u expect me to dash her to man man who has shown no care but have all the time to post on facebook the latest tattoos drawn on his body? If i were your sis,will that be your advice? what moral value can a man of such impact in his kid? teach her her how to pierce her body? I know he will come someday looking for his daughter,and i hate it when people thinks he has every right to his child weather he performed his duty or not,isn't that so sick to say? I left his parents because i didn't want to die there. Even tho i gets home late someday to have a chat with my daughter but the kiss on her head even when she's asleep,our Saturday trips,the fun we share is just too much to have missed in the cold hands of death. Leaving that house,even my enemies told me was the best thing i ever did. you need to see my before and after pics. you need to see me while pregnant, how depressed and sickly i was due to emotional stress. I have had enough sweetheart, am only sharing but trust me, am never going back.

MRBrownJ:


AGAIN, whether a man beats a woman OR NOT is irrelevant to the point at hand, because if that was REALLY an issue, then thats what the OP would have written as the MAIN reason why she needs a divorce... but, as we can all clearly see, even after all the beatings, this woman was willing to accept this man "IF":
- the husband has intention of settling down and having a family (with her)
- the husband shows signs of care AND remorse over he and his parents acts towards her.
- he supported the child in any way.

so stop fooling yourself, as i said earlier, this is just revenge (using their child) from the OP, because husband didnt do the above point

ok.. your inference is based on what u categorise as "main" issue or not? *sigh. She summarised and asked for legal help. She didn't state all that because that's not the bone of contention. See u gloating on your assumption? Smh!! Should a responsible man be told before he supports his child and family especially when he can? Should a responsible man attempt to kill his wife? Should a responsible man denounce and deny his wife publicly and to her parents? The woman should keep the mirage "war room" abi? I don't have strength again dakun.

jazzybaby ignore Mr Brownjay,Taryur and the other demented people on this thread.

You are a great mother and as long as you do what's best for you, you do not owe anyone any explanations.

MsGlobalwonder:
ok.. your inference is based on what u categorise as "main" issue or not? *sigh. She summarised and asked for legal help. She didn't state all that because that's not the bone of contention. See u gloating on your assumption? Smh!! Should a responsible man be told before he supports his child and family especially when he can? Should a responsible man attempt to kill his wife? Should a responsible man denounce and deny his wife publicly and to her parents? The woman should keep the mirage "war room" abi? I don't have strength again dakun.

My dear you have energy to still respond to rubbish. Even a 1 year old can see that so called husband of hers is useless trash. In her other thread she mebtsions he hardly sent her money throughout her pregnancy and the one time he sent her N10 000 naira he wanted detailed account of the money spent for that.

Juzzybabe:
I didn't wanna answer you cuz obviously you didn't read through my responses. I want family.

we know you do but just because a man has other plans shouldnt be a reason to punish your child for it.

I married him knowing he had nothing. Living in dubai doesn't mean he's rich but i had never had any love nor support from him although he was and is still capable of meeting ends he only dont want to do so. When i dated him,he lived on my pockets. I am a strong woman,i don't depend on people for survival.

if that is the case then why the big issue today about him paying anything?! if your child has EVERYTHING he/she requires in this life then why stop that father from his child (if not because of revenge using children)?!

How i wish i could post of pix of my kid and myself. am beautiful,brilliant and talented and educated. Yes i have short short comings cuz am human.

you are also in a desperate state, and people in your state of mind dont think rationally. think of your CHILD before making hasty decisions (trying to punish your ex hubby)

But i hate when u keep repeating "USING THE CHILD TO PUNISH HIM" Neither am i waiting for him to cater for my daughter. My daughter should be in the US to have a good life before this year runs out. My dear,am not waiting for him to support. as i type now,am still in the office. I work hard for my own money.

if that is the case then there is no need for this thread, nor the threats of blocking access to his child unless he signs whatever nonsense you desire from him, is it? just be merry, move on with your life and let bygones be bygones.

Y i will never take back my husband,i just discovered that my husband apart from all that has been conspiring between us had the guts to forward to my brothers closed pix i shared with him while he was away. He told my brothers am loosed to have snapped and send him such pix. but he requested for them. and i as a wife felt its good to share at least he is my husband. So dear, apart from all other thing this alone which i have not stated all along is reason far enough for me to stay clear of that dude. And trust me,my brothers are waiting for him. Some would say y didn't u leave ever since, but its marriage moreover i married the man i had truly loved. I hope some of us will learn from my mistakes tho.

fair enough, stay away from him but this certainly doesnt give you any rights whatsoever to stop him from having contact with his child.... the only reason you would do so is to get back at him ... aka revenge. balls in your court to "act right" for your kids instead of both of you acting like teenagers.

Mindfulness:
Are we discussing access to the child or legal settlements aka custody rights?

i am talking about parents using kids to punish the other parent

There is NO WAY I will share custody with someone who is not in the child's life for a considerable period of time.

nobody says she should but at the same time, such parent shouldnt be deeted from that childs life.

Do you know what it means to have shared custody without the father being around? What if his signature / presence is needed to get the child some documents or anything else of that sort?

there is a reason it is a shared custody, meaning that the "other" parent has as much RIGHTS regarding this child, as the other parent. your way of thinking is not only selfish but also WRONG. just because YOU guys cant make it work as a family, doesnt mean one parent MUST be suffer while the other enjoys life

So what is a mother supposed to tell her child when on picking her precious little one, the prescious little one starts asking questions why daddy does not pick her up from school like other daddies do?

what about telling that child the TRUTH?!

Or why he doesn't play with her like other daddies do?

what about telling that child the TRUTH?!

Or doesn't come to help when those bad boys in school act nasty toward her?

thats a funny what one, as if mummy suddenly appear to beat the bullies away?

I wasn't even talking about money. That would be the least of my probelms. What about the emotional well-being of the child whose father doesn't give a f... ? Who was talking about money?

money is the whole reason why this lady (OP) wanna remove daddys right, because he cant provide financially. if not, as i said earlier, there is NO reason why a parent should lose their PARENTAL RIGHT to have access to their child, NONE! (unless there is a clear danger).
even the most irresponsible parent has the right to see their kids.

a child NEED/MUST have access to both their parents, whether irresponsible or absent is irrelevant here

MsGlobalwonder:
ok.. your inference is based on what u categorise as "main" issue or not? *sigh. She summarised and asked for legal help. She didn't state all that because that's not the bone of contention. See u gloating on your assumption? Smh!! Should a responsible man be told before he supports his child and family especially when he can? Should a responsible man attempt to kill his wife? Should a responsible man denounce and deny his wife publicly and to her parents? The woman should keep the mirage "war room" abi? I don't have strength again dakun.

the above is the same old BS that women use to play the "victim" card when it fits their SELFISH agenda. NONSENSE!!!!!
A) whether this man is responsible or not is IRRELEVANT to him being the childs father.
B) if a man attempt to kill his wife then she should have run THEN, and not now (months/years after) that her fairytale plans didnt come about. if the beating was NOT a problem for her (when it happened) then she has no reason to bring it to the table NOW

MsGlobalwonder:
i'm never gonna be surprised about anything in this life again. afteral, here on nairaland, some deluded folks were supporting lekan shonde for killing his wife. so, ur phantom analysis dont come as a shocker. also, it's either you didn't read her post and her subsequent rejoinders or you are related to her husband or you are a potential wife beater/killer or one already. two main issues are prominent here: 1. attempted murder... yes, he pummeled her while 8months pregnant and several times before and after that. she could have bled to death or lost the baby or both. 2. since she put to birth, he has never supported his child financially. if you followed @juzzybabe 's replies; u'll know he is doing that to ''punish'' her not because he doesn't have. he flaunts his riches and lifestyle to her face.
but no, you conveniently left the main issues and found a way to blame the victim!! typical... very typical. he calls her parents harassing them and disclaiming her as his wife, she should keep praying the ''war room' way abi? when he has obviously moved on? smh! he has the option of supporting his child financially or denouncing ownership since he already denounced the mother as his wife. you dont know the trauma she has gone through, please leave judgement for Almighty God the Chief Judge himself. quit being a judginus/judgina. she sought for legal help, if you cant help, jejely waka pass. cheers.

In fact, you shouldn't have wasted your time responding to MRBrownJ for his comment. He is not better than the guy himself. No normal man would beat his wife who is pregnant no matter what. If he is not ready to be with her, why not allow her go. Is marriage a Do and Die affair?

Having said that, the girl would grow to find out the truth in future.The man is sick and is from a family who worship money. His parents worship and support their son's action because of what they gain from him.

I thank God that the lady is gone and for the little girl, the lady should not worry because the child is not a male child in the first place. She is lucky she had a female child who at the end would be with another man and her life has nothing to do with the father who has not been responsible.

Even if the lady married him because of his wealth, does that give the guy room to abuse her? Only men who is dubious and has questionable means of livelihood that would would behave the way the man acted on his wife.

No woman would dream to be with a man who cannot be able to take care of her and that does not mean that the lady is not reasonable.So, people should not blame a lady for looking for a comfortable home. They can only be blamed when they go fetish in order to get a man at all cost.Nobody wants the least, even men.

MRBrownJ:

i am talking about parents using kids to punish the other parent

You are rather accusing her of doing so. what she has stated is that she wants sole custody and it is a very wise decision to try to get it. We can argue about morals but we don't need to argue about pragmatism.

nobody says she should but at the same time, such parent shouldnt be deeted from that childs life.

It's not for you to decide. And if I were her, I would get sole custody, let him see his child - if monsieur EVER remembers his child again - and take great pleasure in reminding him that he is at my mercy. You hurt my child, I will hurt you ten times back. You cannot kill maternal instincts.

there is a reason it is a shared custody, meaning that the "other" parent has as much RIGHTS regarding this child, as the other parent. your way of thinking is not only selfish but also WRONG. just because YOU guys cant make it work as a family, doesnt mean one parent MUST be suffer while the other enjoys life

For now he seems to be the only one enjoying his life.

what about telling that child the TRUTH?!

That her daddy is a bastard who doesn't give a f.uck 'bout her? I thought you had the child'S best interest at heart.

what about telling that child the TRUTH?!

The truth that will hurt her? As above.

thats a funny what one, as if mummy suddenly appear to beat the bullies away?

In my family, it was my father'S job and now it's my husband's job whether we stay together or not.

money is the whole reason why this lady (OP) wanna remove daddys right, because he cant provide financially. if not, as i said earlier, there is NO reason why a parent should lose their PARENTAL RIGHT to have access to their child, NONE! (unless there is a clear danger).
even the most irresponsible parent has the right to see their kids.

He can care for the child financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He chose not to care AT ALL.

a child NEED/MUST have access to both their parents, whether irresponsible or absent is irrelevant here

Are we still on the same thread?
The child does nto have access to both parents because daddy doesn't give a f.ck.

andyanders:


In fact, you shouldn't have wasted your time responding to MRBrownJ for his comment. He is not better than the guy himself. No normal man would beat his wife who is pregnant no matter what. If he is not ready to be with her, why not allow her go. Is marriage a Do and Die affair?

Having said that, the girl would grow to find out the truth in future.The man is sick and is from a family who worship money. His parents worship and support their son's action because of what they gain from him.

I thank God that the lady is gone and for the little girl, the lady should not worry because the child is not a male child in the first place. She is lucky she had a female child who at the end would be with another man and her life has nothing to do with the father who has not been responsible.

Even if the lady married him because of his wealth, does that give the guy room to abuse her? Only men who is dubious and has questionable means of livelihood that would would behave the way the man acted on his wife.

No woman would dream to be with a man who will not be able to take care of her and that does not mean that the lady is not reasonable.So, people should not blame a lady for looking for a comfortable home. They can only be blamed when they go fetish in order to get a man.Nobody wants the least, even men.

coming from a man (presumably) ; i'm proud! thank you for reminding us there are good,responsible and reasonable men out there. God bless you

yes

got it

MsGlobalwonder:
coming from a man (presumably) ; i'm proud! thank you for reminding us there are good,responsible and reasonable men out there. God bless you

I am a man and I dislike any form of abuse. For God's sake, a ladies are a helper and no matter their negative action, one should be able to manage them.

No two perfect people on the face of this earth. Either way, people should learn to be tolerant of each other.I still believe that our Nigerian women are more tolerant than their foreign counterpart.Most Nigerian men still carry this attitude outside the country. I knew of a Nigerian guy we stayed in the same neighborhood in Atlanta, he still exhibited same attitude and his girlfriend called the police on him, I had to intervene to get him out.

In fact, I encourage ladies to walk out of any abusive relationship for real. Love is not blind. You must shine your eyes when choosing a man.

tearoses:


Just a quick one
Id like to point out to you that money does not heal all wounds for everyone especially if the victim are opportuned to make good money too.
You do know that God forbid he could have beaten your cousin to her death back then and he would have still bought a 2012 Altima for another new wife.
When Lekan Shode gets out of jail, he may remarry and possibly buy a car for his new wife. Same with arowolo.
You never said anything about your cousins husband being truly repentant or treating your cousin well after all he did which is what I was expecting to hear.

If your cousin was already driving a 2017 Altima she bought with her own cash, would she have accepted the 2012 Altima as a peace offering?
Think about it.

Ok thank you...I will think about it mamarose. LEKAN SHONDE AND AROWOLO DON SUFFER FOR UNA HAND

Mindfulness:
You are rather accusing her of doing so. what she has stated is that she wants sole custody and it is a very wise decision to try to get it. We can argue about morals but we don't need to argue about pragmatism.

no, thats actually what she wrote.... in her initial post:
A) if he doesnt sign her "support petition" then he can forget he ever had a child
B) if she does all the work then daddy loses his rights

having sole custody doesnt give her any RIGHTS to remove that man's status as the biological father of that child, thus having access to the kid (whether now, next yr or in 10/15yrs). being a childs father doesnt fade with time, as much as you women would love it to

It's not for you to decide. And if I were her, I would get sole custody, let him see his child

thats what i have been saying all along. i dont give a damn who has custody so long as both parents can have access to the child whenever they may desire for it. her stating that he wouldnt because he didnt sign her "support petition" is my beef here. aka mummy using the child to punish daddy

if monsieur EVER remembers his child again - and take great pleasure in reminding him that he is at my mercy. You hurt my child, I will hurt you ten times back. You cannot kill maternal instincts.

here is exactly the BS i am taking against. so because daddy had some issues and couldnt provide, he now is "at your mercy" that you would use the child against him?! whatever is the issue, having financial problem happens to many fathers, and that shouldnt be ANY reason to stop a father from seeing his child... NEVER! if you guys can sort out your issues then so be it, but if you cant then that should equally not be in the way of that child's emotional wellbeingl

For now he seems to be the only one enjoying his life.

thats such a poor statement....he had plans with his wifey in Dubai but she decided instead to run away to GH. should he now jump from the top of the Burj because mummy decided she didnt want to follow in his plans OR because he doesnt have any money?! life goes on, and he should continue in his hustle to better his life. if that man had no money to rent an apt for wifey (that he had her staying with his parents), then why do any of you suddenly think that he is in any better financial situation?

That her daddy is a bastard who doesn't give a f.uck 'bout her? I thought you had the child'S best interest at heart.

if thats what you wanna tell that child then so be it, i would prefer just stating the FACTS... aka daddy is working/hustling in a far away land and mummy didnt want to go there. thats also why he cant come to GH at this point in time, and mummy doesnt know when he will be back. thats the truth and it needs to be told. what else would you rather tell your child?! BS lies making daddy look like a demon, and fairytales that will make mummy look like the saviour?!

In my family, it was my father'S job and now it's my husband's job whether we stay together or not.

ahahahahahah thats a funny one. i guess you also want that daddy to go and stand in the way when they bully your daughter, right? come on, these are KIDS, and as adults you will always have authority over these bullies (whether mummy or daddy). the catch is to act as soon as you discover the bullying. running home to call daddy will be your downfall in the eyes of that same bully who will now have power over your childs mama too.

He can care for the child financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He chose not to care AT ALL.

come on these are big assumptions. give this man the benefit of the doubt... what we DO know is that he wanted wifey to come and hustle with him in Dubai, thus if he was swimming in luxury she would have known and therefore ask for their child to be flown over. also we do know that mama doesnt want him to have access to the child.... so what you wrote are just baseless wild assumptions

Are we still on the same thread?
The child does nto have access to both parents because daddy doesn't give a f.ck.

and you actually think that this is a VALID reason to deny this child access to her father FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE?!
here is a simple question for you: how is this gonna help/helping THE CHILD?!

SemuhleB:
The type of men we have these days are just sickening. Its like the bad to good man ratio is 9/1. Nigerian women are really suffering and the worst part is the laws seems to favour men.

There is so much advise I could give you but more likely than not you don't have those avenues in Nigeria. That guy would have been locked up for assault. Threats and harassment are a serious thing as well and are not taking lightly.

I really dunno how some Nigerian girls deal with these beasts. The fear of Nigerian men is the beginning of wisdom.

What's worse is some losers want to turn around and blame the woman for her role in getting beaten and that no man wants a single mum. Wtf who says such things.

I have a newfound respect for Nigerian women like the op and not those silly hilly billies.

Relationships are not a do or die affair and you were sensible enough to get out on time.

I just hope you have learnt your lesson. Do you even know what your husband is doing in Dubai. Are you sure its even legal. I believe everything happens for a reason and you may just have been saved by not going to Dubai.

What have Nigerian men done again? The fear of every man is the beginning of wisdom. After God and the angels in heaven it is the men on earth. Don't you ever forget that hierarchy. It will will get you far, South African girl.