.

Belaqua:

Omg I'm not a man

YOU INTENTIONALLY LIVING BARREN MEANS U ARE

The worrisome part is that she I trying to preach to us about what she thinks and why she sticks with her opinion.

You asked us what you should expect. We have told you. Unless the country has changed his parents, expect the "I don't want kids" thing a BIG, HUGE, FAT,OBESE Problem. This coupled with the "I don't cook.." . You think he can convince his parents? Hahaha..well he can try and might succeed. But most African parents will not even hear him out. I would love to see him try.


There is no need trying to make us see your reasons or give counters to what we think you should expect. We understand. You are not Nigerian raised. We are Nigerian raised. We are raised to hope for kids. To want them. They are a priority. We practically have no say in certain things. They are a norm.

You were raised to have a say and believe that what you want must be what you want.

So, my opinion is we have told you your two area of concern.

1. The no kids issue

2. The I don't cook Bla Bla Bla

Don't preach the "U.S" way to us.

Go find out if his parents are traditional or not. Tell him to raise the issue with them first. For instance, he can tell them that he knows this guy that wants to marry a lady and she doesn't want kids. Let him listen to their opinions and what they think. This is so that you are prepared.

.

Belaqua:


Wahhhh

What does it mean that I'm never ready? Bc of my age? And what does starting igba nkwu mean?

So if I say sure, great, lets have a kid, all is well??

At least well start from there...



Igba nkwu means traditional marriage


But if your man is OK with it.. Which I highly doubt.. Go on.. Nothing do you

Belaqua:


We aren't talking about marriage yet! I would like to have us both in the same city at least so we can have a proper relationship first. Right now, it's long distance.

my dear be positive..how long do you think it will be before u both start talking about it n if you haven't started talking about marriage then why are you bothered about the parents..as a lady your priorities must be set right, afte which you work towards archieving..is obvious u love this guy n won't mind spending the rest of ur life with him..just do the right thing n pls pls pls change that no kid mentality cus if u parents decided not to have kids, you won't be here asking us this ? (fact)... so don't kill the life cycle thanks

Belaqua:


Preach? I've been good-natured about everyone here thinking I'm crazy for not wanting kids or caring about cooking every day, and I meant no offense by stating my opinion. I thought this was a discussion board where we can discuss topics, thank you for the insights all of you have given

Don't take the preach part seriously. Perhaps a lighter term could have sufficed.

What I am saying is this. We get the fact that you are who you are and want to have a say with what goes on in your life.

We are hardly raised that way. Having kids come with the whole "How I Want My Future To Be Like" package. It is culture. A norm. It is almost like telling us to go naked or not to have a future, if you say you don't want kids. Not only his parents have a say. His grand parents. His brothers. You have his sisters also to contend with. When you marry an African (especially a Nigerian) there is this saying that you marry his entire family.

Like I modified my earlier post, let him do the talking with his parents and find out their opinions on these matters. Then he does the gauging. That way you know what to expect.

Belaqua:


I just choose not to cook - I work a lot and it's easier to buy food on the go, same for him. I've cooked for him, he's cooked for me, and we've cooked together, but it's not a regular thing for us. We've been dating for over a year now. He moved last summer to a city that was only about an hour from me, so we saw each other a lot more, but now he's on the complete opposite coast from me.

He has cooked for you

AnakinSkywalker:



Don't take the preach part seriously. Perhaps a lighter term could have sufficed.

What I am saying is this. We get the fact that you are who you are and want to have a say with what goes on in your life.

We are hardly raised that way. Having kids come with the whole "How I Want My Future To Be Like" package. It is culture. A norm. It is almost like telling us to go naked or not to have a future, if you say you don't want kids. Not only his parents have been say. His grand parents. His brothers. You have his sisters also to contend with. When you marry an African (especially a Nigerian) there is this saying that you marry his entire family.

Like I modified my earlier post, let him do the talking with his parents and find out their opinions on these matters. Then he does the gauging. That way you know what to expect.

Thank you, I understand what you're saying + appreciate the advice.

lalasticlala this lady needs your help

Belaqua:


I was asking how his parents would receive me, I don't question how he feels about me. And I don't know that I'd call him a "Real" Nigerian man - he was born + raised in the US, and so yes, while he does still have Nigerian values, he has American ones mixed in too. So he's a "real" Nigerian American. If that makes sense.

you could try your luck with the parents and if you really love your man, you should be willing to change those philosophies cause they'll pose as a big problem in the long run

lalasticlala move this to the permanent site, this babe needs to understand that her philosophy won't go down well with our Nigerian culture, maybe when she sees that everyone commenting is saying the same thing, she'll understand and know what to do about her relationship... haba babe, you are 27 already, no time to think about whether you want kids or not cause a typical naija parent acts as if menopause starts at 30, they'll disturb you for kids even when their son is impotent, ever heard the term "barren witch" before brace yourself for insults my dear if you choose to continue in this path and don't let that dude deceive you that he is cool with it cause there is a high probability that he'll have a child with someone else who is willing and that is the beginning of your problem, that is if he even agrees to marry you... why not talk with him about it again and read his body language

Rikidony:


BE PRODUCTIVE, U LEAVING THIS WORLD BARREN WILL BE SELFISH AND DEPRIVING UR UNBORN CHILDREN THEIR CHANCE OF LIVING.


NO NIGERIAN PARENT WILL ACCEPT TWO MEN AS COUPLE

sucker punch