Am I Guilty? - Family (2)

Am I Guilty? - Family (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Family › Am I Guilty? (3489 Views)

Re: Am I Guilty? by armyofone(m): 2:43pm On Jul 31, 2016

Girl, cut off every tie you have with this guy. Don't call him or take his calls. Unless you want him to come use and dump you. Be careful and stay away from online relationship.

7 Likes

Re: Am I Guilty? by karbridals(op): 3:07pm On Jul 31, 2016

Aright.

quote author=armyofone post=48056965]Girl, cut off every tie you have with this guy. Don't call him or take his calls. Unless you want him to come use and dump you. Be careful and stay away from online relationship.[/quote]

Re: Am I Guilty? by byvan03: 3:25pm On Jul 31, 2016

karbridals:
If I must I must understand you,it's a crime for one to meet someone online,u have never done it,no one has ever done it and people have stopped doing?it has never worked for anyone?has stopped working and will never work for anyone again.

U can meet anyone any where,even as I'm writing this there are a lot of people are r some and wouldn't work for some.
Have u never dated someone u met online before.

U said I should work on myself,if I may ask.. What area exactly? I should have continued being difficult like I was from the begging? Its either I'm in the relationship or I'm out..what's the use of being with him if I couldn't trust him a little?

U might be the one person dating someone u met online but u are saying I should forget online guys and look for people around me,these people online,aren't they humans? Arent u online too,does that make u a bad person?

quote author=byvan03 post=48055055]Which :Phonesty are you talking about, someone you never met? How did you manage to fall so hopelessly in love with an unknown individual? You really need to work on yourself, if you continue like this you go injureoooo!!!

That you see him on Skype doesn't really tell his marital status. In this age of couple living separately due to work issues, anyone can be married. Go and meet real people, forget this online thing jare.

Sorry Nne ,my bad . Continue falling helplessly in love online Ok? Am sure that's how majority here found their spouses undecided

2 Likes

Re: Am I Guilty? by byvan03: 3:30pm On Jul 31, 2016

KillerBeauty:
D babe matter tire me o. Ordinary online relationship she just dey claim love. She should go and get a life jare

Me don face my work, hopefully she will update us on how her online love panned out eventually.

Re: Am I Guilty? by InformedLola(f): 3:43pm On Jul 31, 2016

Do NOT let anyone guilt trip you. That guy is an asshole who is just catching trips playing with your mind.

People can easily project themselves to be what they are not in the virtual world, so erase this personality you've built up in your mind. It doesn't exist.

A man who is truly interested in you will have met you already, at least. I bet he is married or in a very serious relationship and not ready to physically cheat on his partner. Stop letting some fool mindfck you already.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Guilty? by HCF(m): 4:34pm On Jul 31, 2016

@Op. A guy, who earned your TRUST,against all odds and made you fall in love again after two years of ending your last relationship is not an entirely bad guy.

You did not throw yourself at him and I'm not sure there were amorous activities between both of u to suggest that all he wanted were mere flings;this simply means both of you wanted the best form of relationships that would lead to a happy marriage.

The major factor responsible for the misunderstanding between both of you was the long distance and the fact that none of u initiated the move to bridge this gap ( which u erroneously thought could be bridged via calls, texts, Skype..etc) made it worse.

That the Guy may be married, is just pure assumption..he may not. In fact, he may not even be in any relationship as he has told u. He might have said that to put an end to the relationship with u.

Ask yourself, what's the rationale behind winning a woman's heart and breaking it without setting eyes on her or having anything amorous to do with her?. If he was a heartless player, his main goal would be to chop and clean mouth.

I may not agree with the test he subjected you to, but the guy was just scared and extraordinarilly cautious. You may not have any reason to doubt him till now, but Like EfemenaXY observed, the guy had certain reasons to doubt if you would really be a good wife. He appears to be a guy who was not ready to accept the fact that you are as good, genuinely caring and loving as you might have presented yourself...what if you claimed to love him simply because he gives u money?, what if u said u loved him because he is handsome and he has a good job?. Is there any assurance you love him for whom he is and not what he has?. These and other related questions would have pushed him to testing u with the accident story( though, I don't subscribe to the test). In short, he was not willing to take the Risk..and if in real life he is a guy with commitment phobia, the willingness to carry on with an online relationship becomes harder.

So, whether you are guilty or not, I'd say u are not and he MAY not be guilty either...but both of u made mistakes...learn from it and move on.

1 Like

Re: Am I Guilty? by Onegai(f): 5:39pm On Jul 31, 2016

Karbridals, you wanted us to tell you he was a bad guy. Most of us did. EfemenaXY merely said the other side of the coin: you also had some issues. She's not lying about what she said: you carried this relationship on your head very strongly, for someone you knew little about. Nothing wrong with an online relationship, but something wrong with an online relationship taken too seriously, with no footing.

If someone tells you he/she will give you something and they don't, if they are not your immediate, understanding and loving sibling, and whatever they are giving you is not a textbook or something you need to save your life, please don't remind them. It reeks of low-class desperation.

And if someone doesn't return my calls, if it is not my mother, I don't keep calling. I learnt this and you should too. There is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world stopping anyone who wants to contact you or keep in contact with you, doing so. Think I'm lying? Proof: if his phone got stolen, he has memorized important numbers to call them, they are on his Facebook so he can message them and tell them. Did he do that for you? Why didn't he? No, don't tell yourself he was angry, that's a lie. We both know the truth.

And when Efemena said you hadn't gotten over your last relationship, she probably meant that whatever happened there influenced how you handled other relationships (including this one). And the amount of time between doesn't mean much if not spent well. It's the most common thing in the world to see a man or woman clinging in his/her next relationship if in her previous one, she may have felt let down by how it ended. Maybe she was dumped, maybe the last guy disappeared, maybe she got cheated on, maybe she did the breaking up and the dude went on to marry the next girl he met and gosh, their pictures online look happy and beautiful. Whatever the reason, your self-esteem took a hit and you wanted to fix it by having another relationship. It's not a bad thing, just a common mistake made by people dating. So just try and heal yourself and know you're better than this.

7 Likes

Re: Am I Guilty? by karbridals(op): 5:56pm On Jul 31, 2016

He h

quote author=HCF post=48059817]@Op. A guy, who earned your TRUST,against all odds and made you fall in love again after two years of ending your last relationship is not an entirely bad guy.

You did not throw yourself at him and I'm not sure there were amorous activities between both of u to suggest that all he wanted were mere flings;this simply means both of you wanted the best form of relationships that would lead to a happy marriage.

The major factor responsible for the misunderstanding between both of you was the long distance and the fact that none of u initiated the move to bridge this gap ( which u erroneously thought could be bridged via calls, texts, Skype..etc) made it worse.

That the Guy may be married, is just pure assumption..he may not. In fact, he may not even be in any relationship as he has told u. He might have said that to put an end to the relationship with u.

Ask yourself, what's the rationale behind winning a woman's heart and breaking it without setting eyes on her or having anything amorous to do with her?. If he was a heartless player, his main goal would be to chop and clean mouth.

I may not agree with the test he subjected you to, but the guy was just scared and extraordinarilly cautious. You may not have any reason to doubt him till now, but Like EfemenaXY observed, the guy had certain reasons to doubt if you would really be a good wife. He appears to be a guy who was not ready to accept the fact that you are as good, genuinely caring and loving as you might have presented yourself...what if you claimed to love him simply because he gives u money?, what if u said u loved him because he is handsome and he has a good job?. Is there any assurance you love him for whom he is and not what he has?. These and other related questions would have pushed him to testing u with the accident story( though, I don't subscribe to the test). In short, he was not willing to take the Risk..and if in real life he is a guy with commitment phobia, the willingness to carry on with an online relationship becomes harder.

So, whether you are guilty or not, I'd say u are not and he MAY not be guilty either...but both of u made mistakes...learn from it and move on.[/quote]

Re: Am I Guilty? by karbridals(op): 6:00pm On Jul 31, 2016

He never sent me money for one year that we dated and I never asked.

quote author=Onegai post=48061516]Karbridals, you wanted us to tell you he was a bad guy. Most of us did. EfemenaXY merely said the other side of the coin: you also had some issues. She's not lying about what she said: you carried this relationship on your head very strongly, for someone you knew little about. Nothing wrong with an online relationship, but something wrong with an online relationship taken too seriously, with no footing.

If someone tells you he/she will give you something and they don't, if they are not your immediate, understanding and loving sibling, and whatever they are giving you is not a textbook or something you need to save your life, please don't remind them. It reeks of low-class desperation.

And if someone doesn't return my calls, if it is not my mother, I don't keep calling. I learnt this and you should too. There is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world stopping anyone who wants to contact you or keep in contact with you, doing so. Think I'm lying? Proof: if his phone got stolen, he has memorized important numbers to call them, they are on his Facebook so he can message them and tell them. Did he do that for you? Why didn't he? No, don't tell yourself he was angry, that's a lie. We both know the truth.

And when Efemena said you hadn't gotten over your last relationship, she probably meant that whatever happened there influenced how you handled other relationships (including this one). And the amount of time between doesn't mean much if not spent well. It's the most common thing in the world to see a man or woman clinging in his/her next relationship if in her previous one, she may have felt let down by how it ended. Maybe she was dumped, maybe the last guy disappeared, maybe she got cheated on, maybe she did the breaking up and the dude went on to marry the next girl he met and gosh, their pictures online look happy and beautiful. Whatever the reason, your self-esteem took a hit and you wanted to fix it by having another relationship. It's not a bad thing, just a common mistake made by people dating. So just try and heal yourself and know you're better than this.[/quote]

Re: Am I Guilty? by karbridals(op): 6:08pm On Jul 31, 2016

I agree he was not ready to take the risk,yes.but I never reminded him about money.
Efemenaxy said I moved on so fast not what u said she meant....u said I want people to call him a bad man? Did u actually read what I wrote well? If yes,did I really talk bad about him?

quote author=karbridals post=48061956]He h

quote author=HCF post=48059817]@Op. A guy, who earned your TRUST,against all odds and made you fall in love again after two years of ending your last relationship is not an entirely bad guy.

You did not throw yourself at him and I'm not sure there were amorous activities between both of u to suggest that all he wanted were mere flings;this simply means both of you wanted the best form of relationships that would lead to a happy marriage.

The major factor responsible for the misunderstanding between both of you was the long distance and the fact that none of u initiated the move to bridge this gap ( which u erroneously thought could be bridged via calls, texts, Skype..etc) made it worse.

That the Guy may be married, is just pure assumption..he may not. In fact, he may not even be in any relationship as he has told u. He might have said that to put an end to the relationship with u.

Ask yourself, what's the rationale behind winning a woman's heart and breaking it without setting eyes on her or having anything amorous to do with her?. If he was a heartless player, his main goal would be to chop and clean mouth.

I may not agree with the test he subjected you to, but the guy was just scared and extraordinarilly cautious. You may not have any reason to doubt him till now, but Like EfemenaXY observed, the guy had certain reasons to doubt if you would really be a good wife. He appears to be a guy who was not ready to accept the fact that you are as good, genuinely caring and loving as you might have presented yourself...what if you claimed to love him simply because he gives u money?, what if u said u loved him because he is handsome and he has a good job?. Is there any assurance you love him for whom he is and not what he has?. These and other related questions would have pushed him to testing u with the accident story( though, I don't subscribe to the test). In short, he was not willing to take the Risk..and if in real life he is a guy with commitment phobia, the willingness to carry on with an online relationship becomes harder.

So, whether you are guilty or not, I'd say u are not and he MAY not be guilty either...but both of u made mistakes...learn from it and move on.[/quote]

Re: Am I Guilty? by HCF(m): 6:53pm On Jul 31, 2016

karbridals:
I agree he was not ready to take the risk,yes.but I never reminded him about money.
Efemenaxy said I moved on so fast not what u said she meant....u said I want people to call him a bad man? Did u actually read what I wrote well? If yes,did I really talk bad about him?

No, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that was what u meant. NO!. You didn't even paint him black, which i like. I was referring to those who believe he was wicked and that he was just toying with your heart deliberately.
....:I just tried to analyze the issue from another angle.

quote author=karbridals post=48061956]He h

quote author=HCF post=48059817]@Op. A guy, who earned your TRUST,against all odds and made you fall in love again after two years of ending your last relationship is not an entirely bad guy.

You did not throw yourself at him and I'm not sure there were amorous activities between both of u to suggest that all he wanted were mere flings;this simply means both of you wanted the best form of relationships that would lead to a happy marriage.

The major factor responsible for the misunderstanding between both of you was the long distance and the fact that none of u initiated the move to bridge this gap ( which u erroneously thought could be bridged via calls, texts, Skype..etc) made it worse.

That the Guy may be married, is just pure assumption..he may not. In fact, he may not even be in any relationship as he has told u. He might have said that to put an end to the relationship with u.

Ask yourself, what's the rationale behind winning a woman's heart and breaking it without setting eyes on her or having anything amorous to do with her?. If he was a heartless player, his main goal would be to chop and clean mouth.

I may not agree with the test he subjected you to, but the guy was just scared and extraordinarilly cautious. You may not have any reason to doubt him till now, but Like EfemenaXY observed, the guy had certain reasons to doubt if you would really be a good wife. He appears to be a guy who was not ready to accept the fact that you are as good, genuinely caring and loving as you might have presented yourself...what if you claimed to love him simply because he gives u money?, what if u said u loved him because he is handsome and he has a good job?. Is there any assurance you love him for whom he is and not what he has?. These and other related questions would have pushed him to testing u with the accident story( though, I don't subscribe to the test). In short, he was not willing to take the Risk..and if in real life he is a guy with commitment phobia, the willingness to carry on with an online relationship becomes harder.

So, whether you are guilty or not, I'd say u are not and he MAY not be guilty either...but both of u made mistakes...learn from it and move on.

Re: Am I Guilty? by HCF(m): 6:54pm On Jul 31, 2016

karbridals:
I agree he was not ready to take the risk,yes.but I never reminded him about money.
Efemenaxy said I moved on so fast not what u said she meant....u said I want people to call him a bad man? Did u actually read what I wrote well? If yes,did I really talk bad about him?

quote author=karbridals post=48061956]

quote author=HCF post=48059817]

No, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that was what u meant. NO!. You didn't even paint him black, which i like. I was referring to those who believe he was wicked and that he was just toying with your heart deliberately... I don't want u to have that impression...because both of u made mistakes!

Re: Am I Guilty? by Artistree: 6:59pm On Jul 31, 2016

karbridals, forget these people trying to blame you for that monkey's bad attitude. The guy is married and was just trying his hands out with some random girl online, maybe to remind himself that he's still attractive.
Any man that can comfortably carry on for days, weeks or months without reaching out to his partner surely have something up his sleeves. And for those screaming NO to online dating, it is simply myopic to conclude that online dating NEVER leads anywhere.
History has proven that a lot of couples met their spouses online and are living happily today.
So girl, stop blaming yourself, you did nothing wrong. Truth is, the guy would still have dumped you in no time.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Guilty? by karbridals(op): 7:23pm On Jul 31, 2016

Thanks dear, I appreciate but let's not call him a monkey.. Once again I appreciate.

Artistree:
karbridals, forget these people trying to blame you for that monkey's bad attitude. The guy is married and was just trying his hands out with some random girl online, maybe to remind himself that he's still attractive.
Any man that can comfortably carry on for days, weeks or months without reaching out to his partner surely have something up his sleeves. And for those screaming NO to online dating, it is simply myopic to conclude that online dating NEVER leads anywhere.
History has proven that a lot of couples met their spouses online and are living happily today.
So girl, stop blaming yourself, you did nothing wrong. Truth is, the guy would still have dumped you in no time.

Re: Am I Guilty? by Artistree: 7:39pm On Jul 31, 2016

karbridals:
Thanks dear, I appreciate but let's not call him a monkey.. Once again I appreciate.

Lol, no pun was intended dear. Just snap out of the revelry and move on, you'd heal faster.

1 Like

Re: Am I Guilty? by ahnie: 7:40pm On Jul 31, 2016

@presVa the dude z a married man.there r telltale signs...but OP seems too desperate to noticed in her desperate emotional state.

Point z OP is totally into this man
to 4da butress my points...the dude quickly finds himself another bae.

The supposed new bae is his wifey.
The OP z too vulnerable.she should quit from the dating game for a little while and she should work on her self esteem.

Mrs Efemenaxy has said it all.

Re: Am I Guilty? by peddy231(m): 8:17pm On Jul 31, 2016

@karbridals, what I don't understand is that your supposed boyfriend told you he was involved in a tragic accident. You never made mention of attempting to check up on him,probably at the hospital, Is it that he doesn't live in Nigeria?

The whole narrative seems strange...

Re: Am I Guilty? by karbridals(op): 8:36pm On Jul 31, 2016

No he doesn't stay in Nigeria, I was only calling but he wasn't picking though to the pains he said he was having.

quote author=peddy231 post=48065670]@karbridals, what I don't understand is that your supposed boyfriend told you he was involved in a tragic accident. You never made mention of attempting to check up on him,probably at the hospital, Is it that he doesn't live in Nigeria?

The whole narrative seems strange...[/quote]

Re: Am I Guilty? by karbridals(op): 8:40pm On Jul 31, 2016

Thanks a lot dear.

quote author=Artistree post=48064684]
Lol, no pun was intended dear. Just snap out of the revelry and move on, you'd heal faster.[/quote]

Re: Am I Guilty? by FuckYouMods: 8:57pm On Jul 31, 2016

StPete:
Sometimes maybe seeming desperate isnt such a good idea. He saw signs of desperation and decided to move on. Furthermore, he could possibly be married and just finding a way to bail out. Dust ur shoes babe and move on. No time to waste time!

Good evening sir!
Happy sunday

Re: Am I Guilty? by FuckYouMods: 9:00pm On Jul 31, 2016

Gaborone:
Move on dear. There are many sick, abusive and manipulative people walking around. When they fail at manipulating you, they try to gaslight you into thinking you did something wrong.

As my best friend would say, God has called us to a soft life

You matter honey, so, free your mind, and move on. That was his mess, not yours.

Good evening sis!
Happy sunday

Re: Am I Guilty? by Nobody: 9:45pm On Jul 31, 2016

FuckYouMods:
Good evening sis! Happy sunday

Hello sis. I'm wishing you same.

Re: Am I Guilty? by StPete: 10:25pm On Jul 31, 2016

FuckYouMods:
Good evening sir!
Happy sunday

Good evening ma'am. Hope you're good

Re: Am I Guilty? by Cool23(m): 11:54pm On Jul 31, 2016

Don't be sad girl there a lot of better guys out there just take a break from dating and take some time to rearrange yourself and also don't think about assholes

1 Like

Re: Am I Guilty? by cococandy(f): 12:56am On Aug 01, 2016

nairalife2013:
If u love a man, stand with him all thro, never be d one to call it quits! No matter what!! For God's sake, u are a potential mother and good mothers dont quit. He is going to be yur first son. He is going to hand over his life to u. After God u are going to be d major decider whether he'd live long or die young; whether he have peace at home or writh in chaos and pain. Before he could do the handing over of his life to u, he must have some level of trust. Each man has his own way of finding out the one thing he craves. U d lady cannot fake who u are not when d scrutiny is from a MAN.
From what I see, he seems to love u. He will come back. He may do worst when he comes. This things doesnt have expo, it will be spontaneous either in conversation or action. But, no matter how u try, u will never see it coming, if he is a real man. Just be who u are. Good luck

2 Likes

Re: Am I Guilty? by cococandy(f): 1:07am On Aug 01, 2016

Most of the posters here have said it all. Take the advice and the criticism in stride.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Guilty? by karbridals(op): 1:10am On Aug 01, 2016

Thanks deAr.quote author=Cool23 post=48071071]Don't be sad girl there a lot of better guys out there just take a break from dating and take some time to rearrange yourself and also don't think about assholes[/quote]

Re: Am I Guilty? by Arijude(m): 10:18am On Aug 01, 2016

Gaborone:
Move on dear. There are many sick, abusive and manipulative people walking around. When they fail at manipulating you, they try to gaslight you into thinking you did something wrong.

As my best friend would say, God has called us to a soft life

You matter honey, so, free your mind, and move on. That was his mess, not yours.

Gaborone ? U from botswana ?

Re: Am I Guilty? by kazyhm(m): 10:25am On Aug 01, 2016

Re: Am I Guilty? by FuckYouMods: 12:14pm On Aug 01, 2016

Gaborone:
Hello sis.
I'm wishing you same.

Good morning sir!
Pls sir I wnt to plead to u 2 vote falconey as Mr NL2016...
The voting is goin on now.
This is the link to the voting thread www.nairaland.com/3261218/mr-nairaland-contest-2016-elimination...
To vote falconey jst comment wit
"I vote falconey"
cc: NLJEGA...
Thanks sir

1 Like

Re: Am I Guilty? by FuckYouMods: 12:43pm On Aug 01, 2016

StPete:
Good evening ma'am. Hope you're good

Good afternoon sis!
Pls sir I wnt to plead to u 2 vote falconey as Mr NL2016...
The voting is goin on now.
This is the link to the voting thread www.nairaland.com/3261218/mr-nairaland-contest-2016-elimination...
To vote falconey jst comment wit
"I vote falconey"
cc: NLJEGA...
Thanks sis

1 Like

Re: Am I Guilty? by Acidosis(m): 1:44pm On Aug 01, 2016

[quote author=karbridalspost=48048498]Thanks my dear, I didn't leave him and I have not left him still. On my own I wouldn't have done anything to hurt him.[/quote]You have not left him still??

I do not think this thread will achieve any thing meaningful.

You have been dating another woman's man for so long. The man has boldly confronted you that he has moved on, and the best you could say is that: you have not left him still?

Let me ask:

When will you leave him?

3 Likes

1 2 3 Reply

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