₦airaland Forum

Your mother should learn to forgive, although it might be difficult, she should let go and move on.
The one who does not forgive and move on lives in perpetual bondage
Something tells me that it was a revelation in the church that made them come back seeking for forgiveness.
What a man sows he shall reap.

[quote author=LegendDrogba post=49292586][/quote]You are a disgrace

You consider the wealth of your uncle and is eager to go and enjoy. If I'm your mother I will swear for you. Long throat

ur mum should be wise enough to know that unforgiveness will only hinder her progress in life and probably yours as well. just pray to God for wisdom and direction and pray that God touches ur mum's heart. as for u, forgive them, they are ur family and u can't run away from that. whilst being grateful to ur mum for being there for u, don't let her use her reggae to spoil ur blues out of spite. all the best.

OP, there is not much to ache about. The only challenge here is your mum's pride but a mother won't allow her pride to stall the progress of her kid . Don't force anything. She will eventually come around to accepting what you want.
Encourage uncle to always visit and in conversation with mum, mention uncle whenever necessary.

Your Mum advise u to change to ur biological father surname after some family disagreement in ur step dady family. This show your Mum knows where u belong to. It is gradual process before u go back to ur biological father family. But make sure u are financially buoyant and get married first with kids before going back. By then your Mum will grant u your request to go back there

LegendDrogba:
I am not a writer and I don't intend being one, so please just pay attention and you will definitely understand this my life story. My life is playing out before me like a nollywood movie and am so confused right now.
I finished service late last year and got a job early this year in an oil&gas marketing firm in Port Harcourt. Everything were going fine until July this year, my immediate boss called me to his office one good day and informed me that chairman(owner of the firm) would like to see me the next day, he asked me to be in the office as early as possible. Now prior to this time, I had been opportuned to see the chairman once, can't really remember what necessitated our meeting but immediately he saw me I could see surprises written over his face. He stared at me for a while, it was as if he saw a ghost. The day we were to meet came, dressed like never before and I made sure I was smelling nice, got to the office and discovered he was already in the office. 30mins after my arrival, I was sent a message that the chairman was ready to see me,got to his office, do I need to tell you that I was scared as hell. He asked me to sit, then after staring at me for about 10 seconds, he asked me of my full name, told him, by now my armpits were already getting wet. I became apprehensive when he started asking me about my personal family background, my state of origin,local govt, grand parents and even went as far as asking me if my dad was alive. I was surprised though but in all honesty I told him everything about me. I could see a smile in his face after hearing me, he then asked me to leave that he would call me again when he needs me. 2 days later, my boss called again that Chairman was around and he wants me in his office immediately, got to his office, he was with somebody, the person sitting in his front meaning the person was backing me. I greeted him, not even minding who was with him, was probably scared of what Mr chairman wanted this time around. In a split of seconds, I saw my chairman telling the other person sitting.. "Austin see your lost brother" fellow nairalanders, immediately this man turned to me, sitting in front of me was an advance or should I say a matured version of my humble self,though he was chubby and keeps afro, unlike myself that was still growing and also keeps low cut. He was an exact replica of me, he called me by my tribal name, now nobody aside my mom calls me by that name. He asked me to come closer, he hugged me,within a twinkling of an eye, he was shedding tears. He asked me of my mom, where have I been and all sorts of questions I can't really remember now. I could not even answer any one of the questions, you sure know how I was feeling now, didn't even know what waproduct on. He thanked our chairman, with the way they were joking and talking, it was obvious they were childhood friends... I was asked to sit and I immediately turned to one sort of a new born baby the way this man was talking to me, holding my hands,rubbing my hair and telling me how grandma would be so happy to see me. Didn't even know what brought my boldness back, I immediately asked him, who are you sir and whats going on here? He paused and looked at me and told me was my late dad's brother, he was my uncle. I stood up immediately and freed myself from his grip, dashed out of the office and headed to my house immediately without even carrying my back pack from my office since my phone was in my pocket. Called my mom and explained everything to her, she ordered that I take the next available flight back to Lagos. Was getting ready when i heard a knock on my door, my colleague in the office walked in, followed by our chairman and the 'sudden uncle'.

MY CHILDHOOD STORY.
Let me quickly take you back to my story, I was a product of teenage pregnancy, mom was rejected by my dad's family, she was only supported by my dad and his immediate brother, others were against my dad accepting his responsibility, even my mom's family rejected her with the excuse that she has brought shame to the family. In all of this, my dad and his immediate brother stood by my mom, rented an apartment for her and visits her often. Long story cut short, my mom gave birth to me and her family accepted her back. According to my mom, my dad was a comfortable young man then in the early 1990s cause he was a tanker driver. Tragedy struck when I was 2months old, my dad died in an accident. My mom was left to cater for me alone, though she was being assisted by my dad's brother. In all of this, my dad's other siblings and parents did not one day pay my mom a visit or even asked of me. All of this was explained to me after my mom was embarrassed by my dad(step-dad) younger ones after a disagreement they had with my step-dad. I was 18 before I knew that the man I grew up with to know as my dad was not really my Dad, my siblings were surprised to also know that we don't share the same father. My step-dad was such a nice man that I didn't lack anything, prior to his fight with his siblings, I was regarded as the first born, he was responsible for my schooling from nursery to university level, we were nine in the family and also a one big united and happy family. Even after the fight with his siblings, nothing changed at all, aside my surname that my mom advised me to change. I started bearing my dad's family name.

BACK TO PRESENT
now fellow nairalanders, here's the problem, my uncle (my dad immediate brother)has suddenly found me through my office and chairman, several family meeting has been held, they(my dad's family) want me back, they said they wants me to further my academic career abroad, take full responsibility of what they didn't do when I was kid. All they need is for my mom to forgive them, and let them have access to me when they want and also be a part of their family cause that was the promise they made to my dad a year after his demise. My mom's family has also joined them in pleading with my mom, my mom has sworn not to forgive any of them for what they did to her when she was a teenager. All of this happened (my mom's ill treatment happened in my mom's village back then before she relocated to Lagos and remarried. Now my mom has threatened to disown me and lay a curse on me if I dare accept them as my uncles or aunts or have anything to do with them. They are stinkingly rich cause my dad's immediate brother is into oil business and he has promised to sponsor my siblings (step-siblings) to university level, my step-dad has declined this offer, telling them he could take care of his family and he does not need anybody's help.He (step-dad) has refused to say anything concerning my dilemma, he told me i was a grown man now and should take responsibility for my life and make the best decisions I feel suitable.
Fellow nairalanders am at a cross road here, am confused and don't know what to do, presently am in with an uncle (mom's brother) my career has been haulted, am just confused and need your advises. What should I do? My mom is on my neck, sane with dad's family members. From the numerous family meetings, I got to know that am the only grand child in the family, non of my dad's siblings has given birth despite some of them being married for up to 10years now. They are six in numbers and four are married with no kids... Am the only hope(for now) of sustaining the family name.


I just need your input, how do I come out of this?
Am a very popular commenter here, especially in politics section, just created this moniker to get unbiased public opinions so this place won't turn to a place of hearing the word zombie or wailer. Am in my mid twenties.



Pls help me.

I believe your mum respect her pastor so much, kindly confide to your mum's pastor to talk to her she definitely listen to him, am not telling you to go back to your father's family because they are rich but it is their blood that flows in your veins, blood is thicker than water, God will see you through!

My brother , forgive them and ask your mum to do the same..........and always respect your step dad for his kindness and love.

keepingmum:
It takes more than semen to be a father. It takes more than blood to be family. Are you swayed simply because your biological father's family are well off? If they were rural farmers/herbalists/drug dealers/touts would the decision still have being difficult?

Where was your uncle who stood with your dad/mum when your mum was going through the trauma? No where!!!

If your dad's biological family all had kids/grandkids would they have come looking for you?

Its only when Nigerian families (the men especially) learn that you CANNOT abandon a child with their mother UNDER ANY circumstance and assume that "well she will suffer with the child and when the child grows, he/she will come looking for me".

If your stepdad hadnt trained you and shown you love as though you were his biological child, would you have thrived healthily, academically and mentally to the point of graduating and qualifying to work in an oil coy?

I find it insulting that your biological family think money answers all. Its even more insulting to your stepdad that they are saying they would train his children. Why didnt they train you? Why didnt they come looking for you all these years? At least they knew your mother and her family.

It would be very disappointing after all the heartache your mother went through, after all the sacrifices your DAD (the person you call step -dad had earned the right in every aspect to be called and respected as your dad) for you to throw all that away because of money.

When you were sick, who stood up all night supporting your mum emotionally whilst footing your bills - the man you call step dad

I suggest you go back to work. Tell your biological family that you need time and would appreciate they give you space/

Your dad has already given you the perfect answer, you are now a man. Choose wisely

This wonderful soul has said it all,

Choose wisely,

As soon as they begin to have male kids,

Trust me you would become very irrelevant,

In other words, if they had kids of their own, they won't come looking for you.

And going back to your step-dad won't be possible and you would loose on both side.

You step-dad even fought his siblings for you and your mom, you had better fight back for both of them sake.

And leave those stinkingly rich other family of yours. Well unless you have lost hope of your own self to have made it this far.

Just pray for your biological family and tell them to go their separate ways,

Think about it: they need you when things are becoming bad for them but when things were bad for both you and your mom, where they there?

My guy look sharp, if you had turned out to be a criminal or something similar would they look for you?

You had better face front and live your life and be happy you ain't Jesus Christ, let them also face front.

As for that your uncle, that contact lost na wash, shebi when he need u now, he connect back.

Spiritually speaking, you better hide your head before they use your head to start producing children again.

For short:
Tell you mum to forgive them, and you move on with your life, find another job.
Don't let them hold you to ransom. It's time for you to Man Up!!

Most of the people saying you should go back,
Has never felt real pain or had complicated life before, they are still spoon-fed

You biological family telling you to comeback haven't told you the complete truth,

I advise you to flee from them, and find out how your real dad actually died firstly.

I just realised you are telling them to beg your mum firstly, like seriously what kind of man are you? And which side are you on sef?

My observation is this:
You want to go to them, you just want to know if it would be generally accepted!

Leaving sentiments aside, I feel you should walk away from them and never make contact with them, they are not your family?
You should have noticed a red flag already,
Them tell they would take care of your step-dad children is a no no.
That's the highest insult and that's where it all start, you better flee from them.

I really don't feel comfortable with you going to them.
You have to be Man!!!
Those that like to mention God,
Well his mom placed a curse on that family and it stood it ground for years.

Oh! They ain't after you, they after the cursed to be lifted up.

My brother you are just the pawn here, soon the bad is lifted, them go disregard you sharply.

Truth be told, they always knew where your mom is, they didn't believe you could make it this far.

LegendDrogba Be a man of yourself and just be a name/torch bearer.

Here's another smart word from a smart somebody below here:

obayaya:
There's more to family than blood.
Your step father and his family are the only family you have.
You still answer your father's name right? If that's the case, i wonder what your uncles want.
They could be the "uncles" from afar. But stick with the family you know.
The family that have been fighting for you all these years.
Now is the time for you to fight for them.

Your father's family hurt your mother pretty bad. The wounds might even be deeper than any one knows. I must say to some extent I feel her pains. In as much as you would want to start relating with your father's people do not put too much pressure on her, give her time am sure she will come around eventually.

Meanwhile you can reach out to people she listens to and respects, they might be able to get through to her.
Last but not least, Pray! Pray!! Pray!!! Prayer changes things.

I do say u giv ur mom somtime. In dis lyf, evrybdy has sum1 who takes sumtin 4rm u hands down. U just need 2 find ur goto prsn 4 ur mum. Bt no mata anytin mumcy derserve dis 1 4 her pains back dn. God leads u thru

LegendDrogba:
Don't just view, pls help out with your advice.

the only person that can help you here is your mum's pastor and someone she respect the most, someone she always look up to all the time...meet her pastor and explain things to him, then you meet the meet the person she respects the most and talk to him or her and both should call her and talk to her.. am sure she will listen to the both of them

This story is too pathetic and I will advice you to keep quiet for a couple of months , speak with them secretly and do not mother knows about it . By the time her head is cool you can talk with her again.. I can't imagine the kind of treatment they melted to u mother during this period..

Bro, I will advise see a real man of GOD.

Thanks to everybody here that has contributed his/her own opinion, to those claiming that I am being swayed by money, that's not absolutely true. I was very comfortable where I was before all this, my step-dad was/is not a poor man, a man that can comfortably cater for a family of Nine, we all attended private schools to our secondary level and my immediate younger sis is in her finals in the uni and the ones(twins) following her just gained admission to uni. Just brought the rich part so you all could understand why they were making the offer. Am not even with them presently, am with my mom's elder brother.

There's more to family than blood.

Your step father and his family are the only family you have.

You still answer your father's name right? If that's the case, i wonder what your uncles want.

They could be the "uncles" from afar. But stick with the family you know.

The family that have been fighting for you all these years.

Now is the time for you to fight for them.

I just wanted to read comments until I saw this. Op this is the real answer to what you seek. Those preaching forgiveness has never been in that kind of situation. Its easier said than done. What if your mum didn't get married to that kind of man? I am short of words but I think you should ponder this particular post... Its so realistic.

sanniabiola:
Your story is heart aching, I stop reading comment and called the family of the lady that gave birth to my younger brother boy right away since my last contact in March, my own life story is similar, just that my father family ain't rich as yours, I don't relate with them that much cos they even need help. They have begged me to associate with them severally but nothing is enticing around then at all. So I just kept them in their place. If there anything that require their attention, I tell them. Since they have nothing to offer. My mum don't even care cos she know I won't go close to dirtyness which I see around them. Maybe you should see from the angle of what ur feelings would be if they ain't attractive. Overall, make sure you grow up a man of yourself, don't suddenly answer sir to people who never care about ur whereabouts because all those affections are cosmetic. If you follow them into their closet to verify what they utter about you or your mum, you will see that there's something to it. If I were you, I will relocate back to mum, spend some time with her, ask those family to stay away for now that you will contact them when necessary. Let your mum feel possessive of you. In fact if you have a girlfriend, start planning a wedding, invite your father's people as guest while step dad sit as Dad which he is really. Your mum have to experience the public humiliation look on there face irrespective of their affluence status. Then after the matrimony is concluded, that night carry your wife to your mum and present her to her and her husband while you father family are nearby to come and appeal again, this show of humility will melt your mum heart and her husband will also encourage her to tender mercy. But your mum first p, even if those people say you should stop using their name if your mum insist not to forgive them. Ur case simple pass my own, I don't even know which side to belong since my mum sef no share general surname in her family, so me just create another surname for my children and wife to be in 22 days time. I feel your confusion, it's normal as we are all human to be tempted. Take smart advantage of the situation and may I remind you not to settle in Nigeria after wedding, go to Canada with their money and start a fresh and make your own doh yourself. That what make you a man of yourself. I am open to give you step by step advice base on situation status. It is well Bro. God punish poverty.

SmellingAnus:
you and I share the same story, mine is even worse , your story just reminded me of mine... Can't say much about myself cos I am using my real moniker but Angelahnie knows part of my story...

I'm angry he want to jet off to his father's family. I can feel the pains of his mother. Imagine your dad's family coming to take you away from mum. I'll be the one to bring SARS your house that day. I'm serious

LegendDrogba:
I am not a writer and I don't intend being one, so please just pay attention and you will definitely understand this my life story. My life is playing out before me like a nollywood movie and am so confused right now.
I finished service late last year and got a job early this year in an oil&gas marketing firm in Port Harcourt. Everything were going fine until July this year, my immediate boss called me to his office one good day and informed me that chairman(owner of the firm) would like to see me the next day, he asked me to be in the office as early as possible. Now prior to this time, I had been opportuned to see the chairman once, can't really remember what necessitated our meeting but immediately he saw me I could see surprises written over his face. He stared at me for a while, it was as if he saw a ghost. The day we were to meet came, dressed like never before and I made sure I was smelling nice, got to the office and discovered he was already in the office. 30mins after my arrival, I was sent a message that the chairman was ready to see me,got to his office, do I need to tell you that I was scared as hell. He asked me to sit, then after staring at me for about 10 seconds, he asked me of my full name, told him, by now my armpits were already getting wet. I became apprehensive when he started asking me about my personal family background, my state of origin,local govt, grand parents and even went as far as asking me if my dad was alive. I was surprised though but in all honesty I told him everything about me. I could see a smile in his face after hearing me, he then asked me to leave that he would call me again when he needs me. 2 days later, my boss called again that Chairman was around and he wants me in his office immediately, got to his office, he was with somebody, the person sitting in his front meaning the person was backing me. I greeted him, not even minding who was with him, was probably scared of what Mr chairman wanted this time around. In a split of seconds, I saw my chairman telling the other person sitting.. "Austin see your lost brother" fellow nairalanders, immediately this man turned to me, sitting in front of me was an advance or should I say a matured version of my humble self,though he was chubby and keeps afro, unlike myself that was still growing and also keeps low cut. He was an exact replica of me, he called me by my tribal name, now nobody aside my mom calls me by that name. He asked me to come closer, he hugged me,within a twinkling of an eye, he was shedding tears. He asked me of my mom, where have I been and all sorts of questions I can't really remember now. I could not even answer any one of the questions, you sure know how I was feeling now, didn't even know what waproduct on. He thanked our chairman, with the way they were joking and talking, it was obvious they were childhood friends... I was asked to sit and I immediately turned to one sort of a new born baby the way this man was talking to me, holding my hands,rubbing my hair and telling me how grandma would be so happy to see me. Didn't even know what brought my boldness back, I immediately asked him, who are you sir and whats going on here? He paused and looked at me and told me was my late dad's brother, he was my uncle. I stood up immediately and freed myself from his grip, dashed out of the office and headed to my house immediately without even carrying my back pack from my office since my phone was in my pocket. Called my mom and explained everything to her, she ordered that I take the next available flight back to Lagos. Was getting ready when i heard a knock on my door, my colleague in the office walked in, followed by our chairman and the 'sudden uncle'.

MY CHILDHOOD STORY.
Let me quickly take you back to my story, I was a product of teenage pregnancy, mom was rejected by my dad's family, she was only supported by my dad and his immediate brother, others were against my dad accepting his responsibility, even my mom's family rejected her with the excuse that she has brought shame to the family. In all of this, my dad and his immediate brother stood by my mom, rented an apartment for her and visits her often. Long story cut short, my mom gave birth to me and her family accepted her back. According to my mom, my dad was a comfortable young man then in the early 1990s cause he was a tanker driver. Tragedy struck when I was 2months old, my dad died in an accident. My mom was left to cater for me alone, though she was being assisted by my dad's brother. In all of this, my dad's other siblings and parents did not one day pay my mom a visit or even asked of me. All of this was explained to me after my mom was embarrassed by my dad(step-dad) younger ones after a disagreement they had with my step-dad. I was 18 before I knew that the man I grew up with to know as my dad was not really my Dad, my siblings were surprised to also know that we don't share the same father. My step-dad was such a nice man that I didn't lack anything, prior to his fight with his siblings, I was regarded as the first born, he was responsible for my schooling from nursery to university level, we were nine in the family and also a one big united and happy family. Even after the fight with his siblings, nothing changed at all, aside my surname that my mom advised me to change. I started bearing my dad's family name.

BACK TO PRESENT
now fellow nairalanders, here's the problem, my uncle (my dad immediate brother)has suddenly found me through my office and chairman, several family meeting has been held, they(my dad's family) want me back, they said they wants me to further my academic career abroad, take full responsibility of what they didn't do when I was kid. All they need is for my mom to forgive them, and let them have access to me when they want and also be a part of their family cause that was the promise they made to my dad a year after his demise. My mom's family has also joined them in pleading with my mom, my mom has sworn not to forgive any of them for what they did to her when she was a teenager. All of this happened (my mom's ill treatment happened in my mom's village back then before she relocated to Lagos and remarried. Now my mom has threatened to disown me and lay a curse on me if I dare accept them as my uncles or aunts or have anything to do with them. They are stinkingly rich cause my dad's immediate brother is into oil business and he has promised to sponsor my siblings (step-siblings) to university level, my step-dad has declined this offer, telling them he could take care of his family and he does not need anybody's help.He (step-dad) has refused to say anything concerning my dilemma, he told me i was a grown man now and should take responsibility for my life and make the best decisions I feel suitable.
Fellow nairalanders am at a cross road here, am confused and don't know what to do, presently am in with an uncle (mom's brother) my career has been haulted, am just confused and need your advises. What should I do? My mom is on my neck, sane with dad's family members. From the numerous family meetings, I got to know that am the only grand child in the family, non of my dad's siblings has given birth despite some of them being married for up to 10years now. They are six in numbers and four are married with no kids... Am the only hope(for now) of sustaining the family name.


I just need your input, how do I come out of this?
Am a very popular commenter here, especially in politics section, just created this moniker to get unbiased public opinions so this place won't turn to a place of hearing the word zombie or wailer. Am in my mid twenties.



Pls help me.

They are not serious yet, if they are, all they will be doing now is finding a way to lure u and ur mother and not giving conditions.

U can talk to ur mum.

Why is your career on halt?

That ur uncle that stood by ur mum, what is ur mums reactions towards him?



Do not go back to them because they are stinkinly rich, go back because u want to.







NB. U can be rich on ur own.( it is true that human (helping hands) is the God we see). I believe u can still make it.

gabriellaleo:
My little cent... I will advice u talk to ur mum, not because of their promises but because of your late dad and his brother so dat u can keep your father name alive since your father didn't reject you and your mother, but death caused her ordeal

Very sensible response.

stevepee42:
My brother , forgive them and ask your mum to do the same..........and always respect your step dad for his kindness and love.

The man gets only respect for taking care of him. He should live with his mom and his dad(step dad) and visit others if need be.

AngelAhnie:
I'm angry he want to jet off to his father's family. I can feel the pains of his mother. Imagine your dad's family coming to take you away from mum. I'll be the one to bring SARS your house that day. I'm serious

Ma I believe you didn't really read my story well, I didn't say I wanted to go back, in fact I have never asked after them from my mom or anybody else until now that all these are happening. I just shared my life story and seek your advise not condemnations.. I don't need their money to succeed cause I was already a success. Thanks for your inputs ma.

Talk to your step dad one on one.... tell him about how wonderful he has been all this years...
That he has been your dad all this years and no one is gonna replace him...but now you do not know what to do... that he should advice you... For you not to know that he was not your real father all those years, he should win an Award....

If he advice u to follow your real biological parent, i am guessing he would have the key to your mum's heart and how to make her understand... so the right person to approach will be your step dad

AngelAhnie:
I'm angry he want to jet off to his father's family. I can feel the pains of his mother. Imagine your dad's family coming to take you away from mum. I'll be the one to bring SARS your house that day. I'm serious

hahaha yea I support you....

As the popular saying goes, "to err is human, to forgive is divine", ur mum needs to forgive no matter how she was hurt. U re a man, though i dont knw where u r frm, a man needs to live in his fathers home cos if its in parts of Igbo, u will be reqired to go n locate where u re frm or one day u will be called bastard. And am sure ur mum must v laid a course on that family that has made it impossible for them to v another g-child. Dont disobey ur mum, but u need to go back to ur root. As soon as ur mum forgives them, that burden shes carried all these yrs will b lifted.

If I were in ur shoes, forgiveness is the ultimate thing here. Forgiveness frees the offended. Tell ur mum that. Meanwhile, it's an insult on the part of ur dad's relative to make such promises to u and ur step dad.
The best thing ur mum shld do without compromising some standards is to forgive them but reject their offers to u. This way, they will know that money isn't everything.

Another thing to bear in mind is this.. would they have looked for if they had grandchildren apart from u?
This intention of theirs only shows why they are desperate to have u back.

But ur mum can still forgive without giving in to their offers.

chigoizie7:
They are not serious yet, if they are, all they will be doing now is finding a way to lure u and ur mother and not giving conditions.

U can talk to ur mum.

Why is your career on halt?

That ur uncle that stood by ur mum, what is ur mums reactions towards him?



Do not go back to them because they are stinkinly rich, go back because u want to.







NB. U can be rich on ur own.( it is true that human (helping hands) is the God we see). I believe u can still make it.

I can't possibly go back to my work in port Harcourt cause the company is owned by my uncles friend, that's like going back to them(dad's family) thanks sir for your advise.

Your decision.... but of everything.... consider the state of mind of your mother and the sacrifice of your step dad. As I see it.... your mother would be devastated if you should go join the "enemy".... guess she went thru hell. While looking at the riches ..... should you decide to go for the gold..... would you have peace of mind? You should know your conscience....you're the one that has to live with it.

keepingmum:
It takes more than semen to be a father. It takes more than blood to be family. Are you swayed simply because your biological father's family are well off? If they were rural farmers/herbalists/drug dealers/touts would the decision still have being difficult?

Where was your uncle who stood with your dad/mum when your mum was going through the trauma? No where!!!

If your dad's biological family all had kids/grandkids would they have come looking for you?

Its only when Nigerian families (the men especially) learn that you CANNOT abandon a child with their mother UNDER ANY circumstance and assume that "well she will suffer with the child and when the child grows, he/she will come looking for me".

If your stepdad hadnt trained you and shown you love as though you were his biological child, would you have thrived healthily, academically and mentally to the point of graduating and qualifying to work in an oil coy?

I find it insulting that your biological family think money answers all. Its even more insulting to your stepdad that they are saying they would train his children. Why didnt they train you? Why didnt they come looking for you all these years? At least they knew your mother and her family.

It would be very disappointing after all the heartache your mother went through, after all the sacrifices your DAD (the person you call step -dad had earned the right in every aspect to be called and respected as your dad) for you to throw all that away because of money.

When you were sick, who stood up all night supporting your mum emotionally whilst footing your bills - the man you call step dad

I suggest you go back to work. Tell your biological family that you need time and would appreciate they give you space/

Your dad has already given you the perfect answer, you are now a man. Choose wisely

I honestly subscribe to your opinion. I wouldn't have said it better! Don't follow financial peace but an emotional peace is welcome. Your choice though.

Your dad has already given you the perfect answer, you are now a man. Choose wisely[

SmellingAnus:
hahaha yea I support you....

I'm almost in tears. You don't need them again in life. When are you coming to my area or you want me to come? Na spar you go take me go if I come

LegendDrogba:
Ma I believe you didn't really read my story well, I didn't say I wanted to go back, in fact I have never asked after them from my mom or anybody else until now that all these are happening. I just shared my life story and seek your advise not condemnations.. I don't need their money to succeed cause I was already a success. Thanks for your inputs ma.

Now you are talking, I've seen worst case than yours. I'm sorry if you feel condemned but the woman in me was speaking. Mum needs you by her side more than they do. May God bless your stepdad. Consider him in whatever decision you want to take. May God help u out of this.

O boy, you will have to forgive and accept the apologies of your father's family, and join them. Is your mother a good christian? If yes does she has a lot of respect for the Pastor of her church? If yes then the job is easy. You will have to keep on begging her to forgive your dad's family and go to your pastor to explain everything to him. Tell your pastor that you have forgiven them and you want to reconcile with them and that the only problem you are having is with your mum. That you want him to help you appeal to your mum to forgive them and accept them back. I believe she will listen to your pastor. Let me tell you something it was because of what they did to your mother that non of your dad's siblings is able to father a child. This is the more reason why you have to forgive them. They have suffered from what they did to your mother. On your own side you have to forgive them. God has been good to you, and you have to be good to others. Let me tell the truth, if you refuse totally to reconcile with them, peace will far from you, i'm not cursing you, i'm just telling you the truth. You don't pay evil for evil and be at peace. If you forgive them, they will forever hold you in high esteem

bro the best I can advice u is. first clear ur head, cool down and third try to strike a balance, ur dad's people will understand that yo safe within the confined of mom, they are men and men understand these kind of issue. and ur mom tell her u will be by her side BT in as much as she may or may not like it u are part of both family.u have been found already so no matter how she try to prevent u from entertaining ur dads people or no matter where she wants u to go and hide, they will keep a tab on u cos they are wealthy. like I said try to strike a balance.