Missonas:

Truely the system gives room for lots of rubbish. There are many other ways a man can substitute jare. Once the basic needs ae met the man can go to bed with a smile on his face. Black men are not lazy and are very versatile. Forget bills will be paid somehow. If the woman sees his effort na her conscience go judge her to do the needful. How are homes where the husband is the sole breadwinner surviving? All im saying is such women should be shown that their help is not ncessarily needed.

You see, the core of the problem lies in what you have just suggested- man can substitute-, and I will explain. This is exactly what happens in such homes where the man's salary far less than the woman's. Because the system in US is such that you can work 2-3 different jobs, this men see it as an opportunity to work more just to equal their women in pay. But that is where the trouble starts.

Now consider this; for a couple with two kids of school ages say 6 and 8 years, the law requires that whenever they are home, there must be an adult around. In most cases, it is either the man or the woman, depending on their work schedule.


Ok, let me explain what the daily routine is for most immigrant families who have to work to achieve their American dream, using the RN Wife scenario. Most healthcare jobs have 8hrs shifts (7am- 3pm, 3pm - 11pm and 11pm- 7am), assuming she picks the 7am- 3pm job.

Morning

Here is when it gets tricky. Remember, we are not talking about Nigeria, abroad when they 7am you must be there at 7am (-+ 5 mins). So she gets to work at 7am, and her kids are still at home preparing to go to school at 9am, therefore husband must be there to get them ready. These means that the husband lets go of any $12hr job that has 7am- 3pm shift. He has made a huge sacrifice for the kids and stability of the family. But usually this sacrifice usually goes unnoticed. Remember, he could also have used this time, like his wife to make money, no matter how small.

Afternoon

The kids get back from school at 2:30pm but mom is still at work, however Dad is home to pick them. Once they are home, Dad is stuck with them till mum gets home at say 4:pm. You remember the 3 shift mentioned earlier? Dad is left with only one option 11pm- 7am shift. Considering that it is a night shift, in the morning he must sleep, you can't cheat nature. So, he sleeps once the kids are out to school.

Night

Mom and kids would be sleeping and Dad would be at work.

I have taken the time to explain this in details to make the situation clear. The emerging fact from this explanation is that although the man is not making as much money, his contribution to the stability of the family albeit financially, cannot be quantified. Even when he could do two jobs and match the wife, penny for penny, he puts the welfare of the kids first.

Be the judge. Does the wife honestly deserve to keep whatever she is making for her self? When she does, problem starts because those men often remind them of their primary duty, which is taking care of the family. Likewise, the women rebut by asserting that they are the ones in most part, financially responsible for the family, without which they might experience poverty.

Ego sets in and the man then demands that she stops work and face the family while he picks up two jobs. It is neither pride, envy nor power struggle, it is what most have suggested here, "why can't the man do more?" A recipe for disaster, working two jobs to the detriment of family time when the family could do better with one job from both parents. Anyway, in most instances, the wives call them bluff and continues with their job. Also the man makes good with his threat and finds a second job. Their children and home suffer because of this misunderstanding.

As events continue, the man sits back and ask himself, why would I even tolerate all these? Emotions begin to build up and anger turns to rage. Did somoone just ask why can't they do pre and after school programs that let parents drop off their kids outside of school hours? The answer is simple. For someone making $12hr and has 2 kids, it makes no sense because that money he going to make is not enough for those programs.

cyrilamx:
in every life facet, there is control...even in animal Kingdom. Why do companies have span of control and not let everybody act with his/her discretion since we all reasonable and matured adult as colleagues?
A man must have authority over his home that include his wife...am not canversing for dictatorship in the home, rather mutual respect based on our roles and man and wife at home.[b] The pro-women law in western society is the reason of too many broken homes. [/b]We continue to read horrible stories like this as long as the fat earning salaried wives employ the female chauvinistic laws to torture their hubbys. It is sad.

You lost me there. Since you believe so much in "control", I wonder how much that has worked for you. Buhari is in control but the country is in shambles. Go figure.

pcguru1:


Wait i am not condoning the act i am only explaining the reasons why such act happen, because I've read articles where the husband mostly kills the wife to avoid alimony.

U think that's a sane thing to do even in that kind of situation? Seriously, this is why marriage scares the hell out of me atimes. Someone u've knwn all ur life can turn to a monster overnight, both males and females. Agreed, women can drive one mad so do men but why can't pple jst go thr separate ways without being at each others throat. And as for men going back home for "African wife" i dnt think it's d best idea. Thr are many good ladies whr u r, u jst need to find them

pcguru1:


Misguided much

must u quote me, i speak based on my understanding of the bible if it not there i won't say such, by the way american are church goers not christians. Read ur bible with understanding and come back and quote me

abike12:




That's not true. Shine your eyes

I don't know where you live abroad o but one thing I can tell you is that i have moved around and that what I am saying is true.
I went to Naija recently to visit and I can tell you that some of the people I saw where just straight gorgeous (even some of the girls I saw in church of all places).

FortuneTeller:


And this is why Nigerian society cannot progress... No one wants to be under your foot! Women have the same emotions as men. You should be helping each other and respecting each other. Once women obtain equal rights, they exercise their right to having equal respect as a human being, not as a slave to a man. No one is going to wear shackles when freedom is given to them. The Nigerian mentality is crippling to our society.

pls read the topic before u comment and don't be bias in ur comments. This topic is about women who were taken to america by their husbands, sent to school of nursing and once the became nurses began to maltreat/ oppress their husbands. Do u justify their actions, nobody is in support of violation of women, a man must treat a woman right and she must do the same to him. Let us stop dis nonsense and stop causing little kids to grow up in broken homes. If u don't like a man don't marry him is it by force, if u married him stay with him "for better for worst, till death do u path" I grew up with no father, women raised me and i love them. But a man has his place in the home, also the woman. I speak based on bible principle. U can support carb all i care but i wish my dad was der when i grew up. If only the women that do this will consider the effect it will have on their children all in the name of American life style. Marrying a man because he will take u to america is it right in the first place

agrovick:


I'm only surprised by your strong conviction

It is hard work really but I believe it's not for everyone.

It works for some & it's complete waste of time & resources for others.

So think properly before you attempt it & once you find yourself in it tread carefully.

My 2kobo.

davidif:


I don't know where you live abroad o but one thing I can tell you is that i have moved around and that what I am saying is true.
I went to Naija recently to visit and I can tell you that some of the people I saw where just straight gorgeous (even some of the girls I saw in church of all places).

I know the girls in Naija package better but don't judge until you see their no makeup morning look. Hair abroad is also expensive so we definitely don't get our hair done every other week like girls in Naija, but that doesn't mean we're just ugly compared to.

cbrass:


Smh ..when I was thinking of asking you out

No thanks

naijafeminist:


God bless you mightily. This has always bothered me too. Can men please make me understand their undying need to control another living, breathing, adult human being with brains who has the capacity to reason? Do they think it's that easy to follow someone's every other without thinking of self? Like, I don't get it. What do you gain?

Most of the men who are like that are broke. They don't have money to control so it's a whole human being they want to press like remote. Some rich men are controlling but it's mostly broke, unenlightened and insecure men.

I say this without any reservation whatsoever.


Women in high authority are usually evil, brutal and deadly.


Plus their own level of corruption na die

Oduah, Eteh Patricia, diziane, okonko, hmmmmm

I say this without any reservation whatsoever.


Women in high authority are usually evil, brutal and deadly.


Plus their own level of corruption na die

Oduah, Eteh Patricia, diziane, okonko, hmmmmm

Well articulated

You should consider writing

sonnie10:


You see, the core of the problem lies in what you have just suggested- man can substitute-, and I will explain. This is exactly what happens in such homes where the man's is salary far less than the woman's. Because the system in US is such that you can work 2-3 different jobs, this men see it as an opportunity to work more just to equal their women in pay. But that is where the trouble starts.

Now consider this; for a couple with two kids of school ages say 6 and 8 years, the law requires that whenever they are home, there must be an adult around. In most cases, it is either the man or the woman, depending on their work schedule.


Ok, let me explain what the daily routine is for most immigrant families who have to work to achieve their American dream, using the RN Wife scenario. Most healthcare jobs have 8hrs shifts (7am- 3pm, 3pm - 11pm and 11pm- 7am), assuming she picks the 7am- 3pm job.

Morning

Here is when it gets tricky. Remember, we are not talking about Nigeria, abroad when they 7am you must be there at 7am (-+ 5 mins). So she gets to work at 7am, and her kids are still at home preparing to go to school at 9am, therefore husband must be there to get them ready. These means that the husband lets go of any $12hr job that has 7am- 3pm shift. He has made a huge sacrifice for the kids and stability of the family. But usually this sacrifice usually goes unnoticed. Remember, he could also have used this time, like his wife to make money, no matter how small.

Afternoon

The kids get back from school at 2:30pm but mom is still at work, however Dad is home to pick them. Once they are home, Dad is stuck with them till mum gets home at say 4:pm. You remember the 3 shift mentioned earlier? Dad is left with only one option 11pm- 7am shift. Considering that it is a night shift, in the morning he must sleep, you can't cheat nature. So, he sleeps once the kids are out to school.

Night

Mom and kids would be sleeping and Dad would be at work.

I have taken the time to explain this in details to make the situation clear. The emerging fact from this explanation is that although the man is not making as much money, his contribution to the stability of the family albeit financially, cannot be quantified. Even when he could do two jobs and match the wife, penny for penny, he put the welfare of the kids first.

Be the judge. Does the wife honestly deserve to keep whatever she is making for her self? When she does, problem starts because those men often remind them of their primary duty, which is taking care of the family. Likewise, the women rebut by asserting that they are the ones in most part, financially responsible for the family, without which they might experience poverty.

Ego sets in and the man then demands that she stops work and face the family while he picks up two jobs. It is neither pride, envy nor power struggle, it is what most have suggested here, "why can't the man do more?" A recipe for disaster, working two jobs to the detriment of family time when the family could do better with one job from both parents. Anyway, in most instances, the wives call them bluff and continues with their job. Also the man makes good with his threat and finds a second job. Their children and home suffer because of this misunderstanding.

As events continue, the man sits back and ask himself, why would I even tolerate all these? Emotions begin to build up and anger turns to rage. Did somoone just ask why can't they do pre and after school programs that let parents drop off their kids outside of school hours? The answer is simple. For someone making $12hr and has 2 kids, it makes no sense because that money he going to make is not enough for those programs.

Akinwerndey:
Na wa o.... These niggas dickk needs to be chopped off, fried and given to dogs... For God sake na crime make wife hustle get money pass her husband? This is insanity!!!

That's why there are lots of successful single ladies out there, most men are not willing to marry them.. Their success is a total turn off for most Nigerian men.. Even though when the men know, these successful ladies are good wife materials, they will turn a blind eye, and marry a graduate or even school drop out they feel won't make head way in life financially..
Thank God, younger guys are now getting married to older successful ladies..
That's the reality we face in Nigeria and even Nigerians abroad..
What a mentality amongst our men.

ItsQuinn:
Non-believers

who are d non believers

omooba969:


It is hard work really but I believe it's not for everyone.

It works for some & it's complete waste of time & resources for others.

So think properly before you attempt it & once you find yourself in it tread carefully.

My 2kobo.

I totally agree with you, it is not for every body

So what's the plan, be a baby daddy?

Some people

Fourwinds:
who are d non believers

kid7soccer:
pls read the topic before u comment and don't be bias in ur comments. This topic is about women who were taken to america by their husbands, sent to school of nursing and once the became nurses began to maltreat/ oppress their husbands. Do u justify their actions, nobody is in support of violation of women, a man must treat a woman right and she must do the same to him. Let us stop dis nonsense and stop causing little kids to grow up in broken homes. If u don't like a man don't marry him is it by force, if u married him stay with him "for better for worst, till death do u path" I grew up with no father, women raised me and i love them. But a man has his place in the home, also the woman. I speak based on bible principle. U can support carb all i care but i wish my dad was der when i grew up. If only the women that do this will consider the effect it will have on their children all in the name of American life style. Marrying a man because he will take u to america is it right in the first place

As a Nigerian woman living in the America, I know this is rarely about a woman trying to oppress the husband. It is about Nigerian men wanting to live by the same rules of Nigeria. Do you expect a woman making $31/hr to hand over her paycheck to her husband in the name of respect? Do you think a woman earning her own income has to put up with a man cheating and bringing STIs to her front door? It may be ok in Nigeria, but it won't be ok in the US. Nigerian women do not have to suffer through marriage under US law. They do not have to be mistreated by their husbands in the name of false respect. Respect goes both ways, but SOME Nigerian men cannot handle this. It doesn't matter if he brings Ifeoma from the village. When she realizes she is contributing equally to the marriage, she will request equal respect as a human being.

Amelian:




That's why there are lots of successful single ladies out there, most men are not willing to marry them.. Their success is a total turn off for most Nigerian men.. Even though when the men know, these successful ladies are good wife materials, they will turn a blind eye, and marry a graduate or even school drop out they feel won't make head way in life financially..
Thank God, younger guys are now getting married to older successful ladies..
That's the reality we face in Nigeria and even Nigerians abroad..
What a mentality amongst our men.

If she would prefer to be home with the kids more, especially when they are so small, but she is the primary breadwinner and it’s a role she didn’t want, she will be resentful.

Amelian:




That's why there are lots of successful single ladies out there, most men are not willing to marry them.. Their success is a total turn off for most Nigerian men.. Even though when the men know, these successful ladies are good wife materials, they will turn a blind eye, and marry a graduate or even school drop out they feel won't make head way in life financially..
Thank God, younger guys are now getting married to older successful ladies..
That's the reality we face in Nigeria and even Nigerians abroad..
What a mentality amongst our men.

so true

ItsQuinn:
Some people

who are some people.? u don't have specific mention to back ur argument

FortuneTeller:


As a Nigerian woman living in the America, I know this is rarely about a woman trying to oppress the husband. It is about Nigerian men wanting to live by the same rules of Nigeria. Do you expect a woman making $31/hr to hand over her paycheck to her husband in the name of respect? Do you think a woman earning her own income has to put up with a man cheating and bringing STIs to her front door? It may be ok in Nigeria, but it won't be ok in the US. Nigerian women do not have to suffer through marriage under US law. They do not have to be mistreated by their husbands in the name of false respect. Respect goes both ways, but SOME Nigerian men cannot handle this. It doesn't matter if he brings Ifeoma from the village. When she realizes she is contributing equally to the marriage, she will request equal respect as a human being.

There is always a golden mean in every situation. In most homes where it is working out for them, they do not try to overtly separate paychecks. If the wife makes $31/hr, they consider it to be a joint effort and if the husband is making $12/hr they do the same. It works for them because they see it to be one family earning a total of $43/hr. No special consideration based on pay scale. They both maintain their traditional family roles.

agrovick:


I totally agree with you, it is not for every body

So what's the plan, be a baby daddy?

Baby daddy or baby mama, whatever suits you cos one size cannot fit everybody.

Akinwerndey:
so true

Thank God you are sincere about it.
Before I use to think, there was something wrong with me. Someone suggested I may have a spiritual husband, lol but I said have never dreamt of a man sexing me in dream. Another said I have very high expectations.. I laughed again, cos I know I have simple tastes and am not waiting to marry dangote nor his sons.. People come up with different excuses and reasons. After a while I sat down to study my past relationships and dates.. And the reactions that follows every withdrawal and breakups.. I then saw the truth.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with me, at least am not perfect but my mistakes are simple mistakes we make everyday as a human being.
I looked at married men and the kind of wives they end up with..and their mistresses outside the home.. I simply watch and study and I got the answer to all the questions in my head, of why there are lots of single successful ladies everywhere.

Ladies who are still single, successful and good at heart.. Nothing is wrong with any of u.. Simply be the best u can be, and trust me a guy who deserves your goodness will notice and want to be with u for life. He can be younger, he can be way older like dad's age ...not to worry... Simply choose.. . But don't let the age of the young man discourage you, as long as he has prospects and he's hardworking with a job.. You guys are good to go.

abike12:


No thanks

Don't thank me

Amelian:




Thank God you are sincere about it.
Before I use to think, there was something wrong with me. Someone suggested I may have a spiritual husband, lol but I said have never dreamt of a man sexing me in dream. Another said I have very high expectations.. I laughed again, cos I know I have simple tastes and am not waiting to marry dangote nor his sons.. People come up with different excuses and reasons. After a while I sat down to study my past relationships and dates.. And the reactions that follows every withdrawal and breakups.. I then saw the truth.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with me, at least am not perfect but my mistakes are simple mistakes we make everyday as a human being.
I looked at married men and the kind of wives they end up with..and their mistresses outside the home.. I simply watch and study and I got the answer to all the questions in my head, of why there are lots of single successful ladies everywhere.

Ladies who are still single, successful and good at heart.. Nothing is wrong with any of u.. Simply be the best u can be, and trust me a guy who deserves your goodness will notice and want to be with u for life. He can be younger, he can be way older like dad's age ...not to worry... Simply choose.. . But don't let the age of the young man discourage you, as long as he has prospects and he's hardworking with a job.. You guys are good to go.

Can I?

Atheists

Fourwinds:
who are some people.? u don't have specific mention to back ur argument

Amelian:




Thank God you are sincere about it.
Before I use to think, there was something wrong with me. Someone suggested I may have a spiritual husband, lol but I said have never dreamt of a man sexing me in dream. Another said I have very high expectations.. I laughed again, cos I know I have simple tastes and am not waiting to marry dangote nor his sons.. People come up with different excuses and reasons. After a while I sat down to study my past relationships and dates.. And the reactions that follows every withdrawal and breakups.. I then saw the truth.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with me, at least am not perfect but my mistakes are simple mistakes we make everyday as a human being.
I looked at married men and the kind of wives they end up with..and their mistresses outside the home.. I simply watch and study and I got the answer to all the questions in my head, of why there are lots of single successful ladies everywhere.

Ladies who are still single, successful and good at heart.. Nothing is wrong with any of u.. Simply be the best u can be, and trust me a guy who deserves your goodness will notice and want to be with u for life. He can be younger, he can be way older like dad's age ...not to worry... Simply choose.. . But don't let the age of the young man discourage you, as long as he has prospects and he's hardworking with a job.. You guys are good to go.

A Nice way of think... There's nothing wrong I a lady wanna make it big in life.

cbrass:


Can I?

You can but your request is coming in late.. am already dating a younger guy, who believes in me, trust me completely and he couldn't believe am still available when we met, Even till today, he chips it in, once in a while.. When we go on dates, older guys stare at him angrily, lol...he has gotten use to the stares.. He's no longer bugged about it...
It's good for someone to have a companion who truly cares .. It's a good feeling.

Akinwerndey:
A Nice way of think... There's nothing wrong I a lady wanna make it big in life.

Honestly there's nothing wrong.. And getting the luxuries themselves thru hardwork and resilience should be commendable by the men.. At least we are not leeches, looking to suck every blood out of a guy's bank account.. So what the heck are their problem?
They complain if their wives who is not working asks for money
They still complain and grumble when they meet a successful lady, who pays her own bills herself..
It amazes me sha, back then Ooo. But not any more.

Amelian:




You can but your request is coming in late.. am already dating a younger guy, who believes in me, trust me completely and he couldn't believe am still available when we met, Even till today, he chips it in, once in a while.. When we go on dates, older guys stare at him angrily, lol...he has gotten use to the stares.. He's no longer bugged about it...
It's good for someone to have a companion who truly cares .. It's a good feeling.

Hmm sure it is am happy for you sha, BTW I hope you guys are going to the Alter?

cbrass:


Hmm sure it is am happy for you sha, BTW I hope you guys are going to the Alter?

We should by God's grace..everything is to plan ahead.