₦airaland Forum

Amelian:
Honestly there's nothing wrong.. And getting the luxuries themselves thru hardwork and resilience should be commendable by the men.. At least we are not leeches, looking to suck every blood out of a guy's bank account.. So what the heck are their problem?
They complain if their wives who is not working asks for money
They still complain and grumble when they meet a successful lady, who pays her own bills herself..
It amazes me sha, back then Ooo. But not any more.

lolZ

ItsQuinn:
Atheists

here in nairaland we have Atheists... None of them will agree dat a woman becomes d head in their marriage/family...if u doubt me create a thread in that respect and don't speculate

teeghurl:
U think that's a sane thing to do even in that kind of situation? Seriously, this is why marriage scares the hell out of me atimes. Someone u've knwn all ur life can turn to a monster overnight, both males and females. Agreed, women can drive one mad so do men but why can't pple jst go thr separate ways without being at each others throat. And as for men going back home for "African wife" i dnt think it's d best idea. Thr are many good ladies whr u r, u jst need to find them

Because Alimony that's why, like i said its not limited to men only, sometimes you will read about women killing their husband to cash out on the life insurance. There's a weird quote that goes "you're more likely to be killed by someone you love than a total stranger". Human beings are monsters

[quote author=sonnie10 post=50169761][/quote]I understand much better how it all plays out now. Truelly the actions of these men are understandable but does not justify the killings. Its well!

prettyboi1989:
so some women change when they get money? hmmm both parties are guilty. theres always a non violent way to treat a lady who claims to be smarter than herself. how can a lady take over all the properties the man owns because of divorce? na to sell dat house come bak to nigeria.

The USA Laws Operates Deferently From The Laws In Nigeria. It Is Women World.
Simply Walk Away And Start All Over. It Does Not Worth It.

JeffreyJamez:
So you are trying to tell me now that these men killed their wives because the wives made more money than them? ....that is what you are trying to make me believe?

it's more of the respect their wives refused to give them , properly because of their salaries they earned more than their husbands.

pcguru1:
Because Alimony that's why, like i said its not limited to men only, sometimes you will read about women killing their husband to cash out on the life insurance. There's a weird quote that goes "you're more likely to be killed by someone you love than a total stranger". Human beings are monsters

Real monsters i tell you. Left to me, a real father shouldn't wait for court order b4 he takes care of his kids even if you're not wt their mum anymore and a real woman should be able to care for her family in any case. What if d husband's dead, won't she care for her kids?

teeghurl:
Real monsters i tell you. Left to me, a real father shouldn't wait for court order b4 he takes care of his kids even if you're not wt their mum anymore and a real woman should be able to care for her family in any case. What if d husband's dead, won't she care for her kids?

100% truth

sonnie10:
There is always a golden mean in every situation. In most homes where it is working out for them, they do not try to overtly separate paychecks. If the wife makes $31/hr, they consider it to be a joint effort and if the husband is making $12/hr they do the same. It works for them because they see it to be one family earning a total of $43/hr. No special consideration based on pay scale. They both maintain their traditional family roles.

I am sorry to inform you but many women here, including Nigerian women, do not give their husbands access to all of their money. They may pay bills jointly and put some money into a joint account, but it will not be the entire amount. I have seen this cause serious problems as some Nigerian men feel they should have control over all the woman's money, even if he earns $12/hr and she is earning $31/hr. You cannot maintain traditional family roles if your wife is breaking her back just as hard as you to earn a paycheck. The husband has to help with household duties. The husband has to help with rearing of the children. The husband has to understand he does not have free reign to cheat on a hard working woman and expect her to remain still. When that does not happen, problems arise. Next the husband will be shouting the woman changed once he took abroad. Of course she changed! Her role in the family changed and she must adjust to it. Nigerian men do not want to make the adjustment. Please understand this is not to say all Nigerian men are behaving this ways. Naija guys are truly the best when it comes to many things. However in the matter of marriage, there are SOME Nigerian men who cannot handle the necessary changes when living in a western society.

Excuzeme:
You are so wrong and so one-sided!

Let me use a few examples to illustrate how wrong your assertions are:

1.) take the case of divorced Nigerian couple and Divorced Western Couple:
In most cases, the divorced Western Couple (DWC) still maintain a level of decency between them. The ex-wife does not pick enmity with the new wife while the ex-husband can even play golf with the new husband. The dont see their "going separate ways" as a do or die affair! These set of people seem better to manage the "emotions' of a break-up

Now, take the Divorced Nigerian Couple (DNC) scenario: The divorce is so bitter that they remain an enemy for life. this enmity is even transferred to friends and other family members! The ex-wife must not see the new wife anywhere without making trouble, all her life, she blames the new wife for her divorce and seeks to do her harm, till she dies! She poisons the mind of the children against their father and more-so against the new wife of her ex-husband. these set of people seem not to be able to manage a break-up. It is CULTURAL.

2.) Again, let us see the case of Western Couples (WC) and our Nigerian Couple (NC) in a marriage setting:

In the Western Couple, the wife may be the primary bread winner in the family, it makes no difference since in most cases, all their expenses, from mortgage to groceries, is spent from a joint account (those who have lived outside Nigeria will attest to how the Government/Banks force you to have a joint account, without which Mortgage you can get). The WC dont fight over such things. In terms of Education, it is free so none of the couple can say "l educated you" with my money! If they are not married and live together, they both contribute to the cost of rent and Bills. The go to restaurants and both pay their way.

Now, come to the NC situation: The man is expected (culturally) to provide all financial requirement, even before he considers marriage! he is expected to pay bride price, which the WC dont pay (in some parts of Nigeria, the cost of that Bride price is enough to buy a house! ).
In a marriage setting, the "husband" is expected to provide all the money (even if the wife is working, its a matter of culture and honor!). Education is not free hence some parents see the husband as an "extension" of their parental responsibilities - he must "train" his wife and this cost much.
Another dimension is that the Nigerian wife is not able to manage "success", unlike her Western counterpart.
While a Western woman will still maintain the "cultural, marital norms" in her marriage, even if she becomes wealthier than her husband, the Nigerian wife see her "new financial status" as a sort of "Liberation and Power to revolt".

She sees it as an opportunity to "turn the table" and "re-order the cultural and marital norms" of the marriage.
She does this in the most arrogant and audacious manner, daring the man to do his worst!

What she forgets is that marriage is like a CONTRACT, it is consummated with an "UNDERSTANDING OF THE APPLICABLE RULES AND NORMS", based on the cultural environment (Nigerian) the couples embrace.
Problem starts when the woman runs into MONEY/POWER and then seeks to change the "status-quo" or "Terms and Conditions" of the marriage contract!
The Husband naturally, will say NO!
More-so, the change which the wife seeks, is ALIEN to their culture.
But notwithstanding, because of where she is (America), she is able to FORCE her wish on the husband, and even goes further to PUNISH him by stripping him of all his assets and his dignity.
The end -result is why some Husbands take law into their hands.

So, the problem is not that of the Nigerian man but that of the Nigerian Culture, which most women (and their parents) seem to enjoy and buy into, only for the woman to want to "change the contract", once she is in the Western world.

BTW, Men need to understand that the "Standard Nigerian wife" is long-gone!
The world is a global village now and the women in Nigeria are actually worse (in this regard) than their counterpart born into the "Western Culture".
A Black Woman born and bred in America grows up with the American culture (including respect for anyone carrying a gun! ).
Such women cannot stand a Black man born and bred in Nigeria, due to the cultural differences.
Such women MUST marry from the pool of Black men (if they chose Black) in their environment

Same goes for the Nigerian man born and bred in Nigeria. He should marry form the pool of Nigerian women..... but he must KEEP HER in Nigeria!
The problem arises when he carries his Nigerian culture abroad, (He is still a Nigerian man, mentally and psychologically), then in other to continue to perpetuate his Nigerian mentality/Culture in his new domain, he erroneously think it will work-out if he IMPORTS and marries a Nigerian woman (who is a Nigerian, psychologically and mentally) into the new domain.
The "Imported wife" then realise that she can CHANGE her culture, change the norm of the marriage, by ADOPTING the CULTURE of her new domain, to the chagrin of the Husband who still holds dear to his Nigerian culture (since that is what he hopes to live by, upon importing a Nigerian wife).

Solution: if you want to live abroad, marry a woman born and bred there. It wont guarantee you "anything better" but it will ensure you know what you are getting into, from the onset, so that you are not duped in your marriage contract, as the imported wives like to do.

Your analysis is wonderful

I am not defending the women; I only maintain that, however appealing it may be under provocation, the premeditated act of taking another person's life is never justified. No mortal has that right: taking life that they cannot and did not create.

cyrilamx:
Keep defending the women in ur comfort zone. If you have financially be responsible to a girl only for the said girl to call you a fool and hit u bellow the belt, you won't be picking a fight with me regarding my post
These men didn't just wake up and decided to eliminate the women, the spent their hard money to bring to the US, trained and provided a roof over.
They first of all, were disrespected, divorced,thrown into the streets to start all over again.
Worst still they were denied custody of their own kids and will also assume responsibility for the up keep of the kids, why their now estranged wives tak over their property.

These men were already murdered psychologically. For those saying the men couldn't live with the fact that their wives earned more than them are being economical with the truth.

Didn't the men know that nurses earn higher and if they trained their wives to become RNs, they will earn more than them? Until u fit your leg in those men shoes, I tell you, you will go on genocides...you can do worse...even erasing the woman's entire family.

teeghurl:
U think that's a sane thing to do even in that kind of situation? Seriously, this is why marriage scares the hell out of me atimes. Someone u've knwn all ur life can turn to a monster overnight, both males and females. Agreed, women can drive one mad so do men but why can't pple jst go thr separate ways without being at each others throat. And as for men going back home for "African wife" i dnt think it's d best idea. Thr are many good ladies whr u r, u jst need to find them

Girl, trust me when i say that its hard to find an attractive naija girl abroad. Its almost as difficult as finding El Dorado.

FortuneTeller:
I am sorry to inform you but many women here, including Nigerian women, do not give their husbands access to all of their money. They may pay bills jointly and put some money into a joint account, but it will not be the entire amount. I have seen this cause serious problems as some Nigerian men feel they should have control over all the woman's money, even if he earns $12/hr and she is earning $31/hr. You cannot maintain traditional family roles if your wife is breaking her back just as hard as you to earn a paycheck. The husband has to help with household duties. The husband has to help with rearing of the children. The husband has to understand he does not have free reign to cheat on a hard working woman and expect her to remain still. When that does not happen, problems arise. Next the husband will be shouting the woman changed once he took abroad. Of course she changed! Her role in the family changed and she must adjust to it. Nigerian men do not want to make the adjustment. Please understand this is not to say all Nigerian men are behaving this ways. Naija guys are truly the best when it comes to many things. However in the matter of marriage, there are SOME Nigerian men who cannot handle the necessary changes when living in a western society.

Lets forget about the cheating and the shouting part for now, that is a topic for another day. Lets focus on the problem that arises from gap in pay checks. What if the man says no, that you must surrender everything. What would you do? Throw his things outside or pack your things and leave? Another option could be to ignore him and continue as if you didn't hear him. How about divorcing him?

addictiv:
I wonder why the guys don't learn. This thing keeps recurring and the best way to save urself headache and heartache is to sign a prenuptial agreement which protects your assets. Esp when u have gotten them before you marry. Do not buy that "you are wishing for divorce" and "I am not like others" rants usually coming from the bride and her family. Do not give room for any form of exploitation or emotional blackmail, cos that may just be your undoing.

This seems like a good solution (signing a prenuptical agreement) to tame the unruly gja women who would seek divorce so she can drive out her husband and inherit his properties.

davidif:
Girl, trust me when i say that its hard to find an attractive naija girl abroad. Its almost as difficult as finding El Dorado.

Well, it depends on what ur definition of attractiveness is. But i can assure you, thr are many good ladies abroad

Excuzeme:
You are so wrong and so one-sided!

Let me use a few examples to illustrate how wrong your assertions are:

1.) take the case of divorced Nigerian couple and Divorced Western Couple:
In most cases, the divorced Western Couple (DWC) still maintain a level of decency between them. The ex-wife does not pick enmity with the new wife while the ex-husband can even play golf with the new husband. The dont see their "going separate ways" as a do or die affair! These set of people seem better to manage the "emotions' of a break-up

Now, take the Divorced Nigerian Couple (DNC) scenario: The divorce is so bitter that they remain an enemy for life. this enmity is even transferred to friends and other family members! The ex-wife must not see the new wife anywhere without making trouble, all her life, she blames the new wife for her divorce and seeks to do her harm, till she dies! She poisons the mind of the children against their father and more-so against the new wife of her ex-husband. these set of people seem not to be able to manage a break-up. It is CULTURAL.

2.) Again, let us see the case of Western Couples (WC) and our Nigerian Couple (NC) in a marriage setting:

In the Western Couple, the wife may be the primary bread winner in the family, it makes no difference since in most cases, all their expenses, from mortgage to groceries, is spent from a joint account (those who have lived outside Nigeria will attest to how the Government/Banks force you to have a joint account, without which Mortgage you can get). The WC dont fight over such things. In terms of Education, it is free so none of the couple can say "l educated you" with my money! If they are not married and live together, they both contribute to the cost of rent and Bills. The go to restaurants and both pay their way.

Now, come to the NC situation: The man is expected (culturally) to provide all financial requirement, even before he considers marriage! he is expected to pay bride price, which the WC dont pay (in some parts of Nigeria, the cost of that Bride price is enough to buy a house! ).
In a marriage setting, the "husband" is expected to provide all the money (even if the wife is working, its a matter of culture and honor!). Education is not free hence some parents see the husband as an "extension" of their parental responsibilities - he must "train" his wife and this cost much.
Another dimension is that the Nigerian wife is not able to manage "success", unlike her Western counterpart.
[b]While a Western woman will still maintain the "cultural, marital norms" in her marriage, even if she becomes wealthier than her husband, the Nigerian wife see her "new financial status" as a sort of "Liberation and Power to revolt".

She sees it as an opportunity to "turn the table" and "re-order the cultural and marital norms" of the marriage.
She does this in the most arrogant and audacious manner, daring the man to do his worst!

What she forgets is that marriage is like a CONTRACT, it is consummated with an "UNDERSTANDING OF THE APPLICABLE RULES AND NORMS", based on the cultural environment (Nigerian) the couples embrace.
Problem starts when the woman runs into MONEY/POWER and then seeks to change the "status-quo" or "Terms and Conditions" of the marriage contract!
The Husband naturally, will say NO!
More-so, the change which the wife seeks, is ALIEN to their culture.
But notwithstanding, because of where she is (America), she is able to FORCE her wish on the husband, and even goes further to PUNISH him by stripping him of all his assets and his dignity.
The end -result is why some Husbands take law into their hands.[/b]

So, the problem is not that of the Nigerian man but that of the Nigerian Culture, which most women (and their parents) seem to enjoy and buy into, only for the woman to want to "change the contract", once she is in the Western world.

BTW, Men need to understand that the "Standard Nigerian wife" is long-gone!
The world is a global village now and the women in Nigeria are actually worse (in this regard) than their counterpart born into the "Western Culture".
A Black Woman born and bred in America grows up with the American culture (including respect for anyone carrying a gun! ).
Such women cannot stand a Black man born and bred in Nigeria, due to the cultural differences.
Such women MUST marry from the pool of Black men (if they chose Black) in their environment

Same goes for the Nigerian man born and bred in Nigeria. He should marry form the pool of Nigerian women..... but he must KEEP HER in Nigeria!
The problem arises when he carries his Nigerian culture abroad, (He is still a Nigerian man, mentally and psychologically), then in other to continue to perpetuate his Nigerian mentality/Culture in his new domain, he erroneously think it will work-out if he IMPORTS and marries a Nigerian woman (who is a Nigerian, psychologically and mentally) into the new domain.
The "Imported wife" then realise that she can CHANGE her culture, change the norm of the marriage, by ADOPTING the CULTURE of her new domain, to the chagrin of the Husband who still holds dear to his Nigerian culture (since that is what he hopes to live by, upon importing a Nigerian wife).

Solution: if you want to live abroad, marry a woman born and bred there. It wont guarantee you "anything better" but it will ensure you know what you are getting into, from the onset, so that you are not duped in your marriage contract, as the imported wives like to do.

Well articulated as highlighted.

teeghurl:
Well, it depends on what ur definition of attractiveness is. But i can assure you, thr are many good ladies abroad

Where is this abroad you are talking of? Are you talking of Alaska or in the Arabian desert?

davidif:
Where is this abroad you are talking of? Are you talking of Alaska or in the Arabian desert?

Lol, Azerbaijan. So you mean thr r no good Nigerian ladies abroad?

teeghurl:
Lol, Azerbaijan. So you mean thr r no good Nigerian ladies abroad?

It depends on where you are. You do know that the word abroad is pretty much a generic term for the rest of the 200 plus countries on this planet right?

davidif:
It depends on where you are. You do know that the word abroad is pretty much a generic term for the rest of the 200 plus countries on this planet right?

Sure, but no matter where you are. Thr r still good ladies and men thr. Everybody can't be so bad na, c'mon

teeghurl:
Sure, but no matter where you are. Thr r still good ladies and men thr. Everybody can't be so bad na, c'mon

Question, have you ever lived outside of Nigeria for a very extended period time?

davidif:
Question, have you ever lived outside of Nigeria for a very extended period time?

Yes i have. What is the basis for your generalisation?

teeghurl:
Sure, but no matter where you are. Thr r still good ladies and men thr. Everybody can't be so bad na, c'mon

And where exactly is this place you are talking of?

teeghurl:
Sure, but no matter where you are. Thr r still good ladies and men thr. Everybody can't be so bad na, c'mon

Haha, as you can see from your statement you are also generalising.

Anyway, abeg, i am done trying to argue with someone who seems to be concerned with winning an arguement instead of trying to hear an opposing viewpoint or learn something new.

davidif:
Haha, as you can see from your statement you are also generalising.

Anyway, abeg, i am done trying to argue with someone who seems to be concerned with winning an arguement instead of trying to hear an opposing viewpoint or learn something new.

smh, have a nice day

DICKtator:
Don't worry bro, you can go without your wife.

We in Nigeria would take very good of her

The car would need oil servicing and maintenance which we would take very good care of!!
Just continue to send her the money.

Thank you!!

You reason upside down, try it if magun won't strike you to untimely death. You think all men are the same.

sonnie10:
Lets forget about the cheating and the shouting part for now, that is a topic for another day. Lets focus on the problem that arises from gap in pay checks. What if the man says no, that you must surrender everything. What would you do? Throw his things outside or pack your things and leave? Another option could be to ignore him and continue as if you didn't hear him. How about divorcing him?

Please read what you have said. Pack your things and leave? Ignore him or divorce him? Do you think a Naija man will accept such "disrespect" from his wife? This is what has led to the murders. Due to the Nigerian mentality, there are no favorable options for the woman to have peace or leave a difficult marriage under such circumstances. She will be presented as the bad person. Please understand I am not encouraging anyone to leave a marriage based on a difference in payscle. The problem arises when some Nigerian men do not have absolute control over their wives. They immediately brand it as disrespect and resort to violent behaviors. As I said before, Nigerian men must adjust because they put their wives in new roles once they take them abroad. Unfortunately many do not make the adjustment and the family is destroyed.

dealslip:
If you think the white women will accept trash from Nigerian men then you need to think twice. Most Nigerian men still expect their women to be acting like slaves just because they brought them to the US. Why don't they become Nurses too and earn alot of Money so their 'authority' will not be tampered with.

I will advice the men next time,is to return to Nigeria and use the traditional method to kill women like this.Nonsense

naijafeminist:
But they killed them and still ended up in jail.

If I'm the one,I'll return to Naija and look a strong witch doctor. You what's next na.Feminist oshi

Gassa007:
I will advice the men next time,is to return to Nigeria and use the traditional method to kill women like this.Nonsense

Shame on men like you who think women are inferior to you and that they are your slaves. Many Nigerian men are still in their man child stages. Most of them have matured biologically but not mentally and spiritually. In a system that recognises the right of women such men can never survive.

FortuneTeller:
Please read what you have said. Pack your things and leave? Ignore him or divorce him? Do you think a Naija man will accept such "disrespect" from his wife? This is what has led to the murders. Due to the Nigerian mentality, there are no favorable options for the woman to have peace or leave a difficult marriage under such circumstances. She will be presented as the bad person. Please understand I am not encouraging anyone to leave a marriage based on a difference in payscle. The problem arises when some Nigerian men do not have absolute control over their wives. They immediately brand it as disrespect and resort to violent behaviors. As I said before, Nigerian men must adjust because they put their wives in new roles once they take them abroad. Unfortunately many do not make the adjustment and the family is destroyed.

Did you read the article? It only highlighted the fact that the men do all these because of difference in pay scale which usually results in disrespect by the woman. Except you are privy to more information about these cases I do not understand what you mean by disrespect on the side of the men. Anyway, lets not add more unfounded allegations on the men. But first I have to declare my unequivocal stance on murder and killing. I don't get me wrong, I totally condemn any act of violence. However, the point I continue to focus on in this matter is whether it is justifiable for the men to demand equal access to the family's total income, no matter whose paycheck it was? My untainted answer is a capital yes. As long as he is committed to the family, has invested time, energy and is accountable for every penny spent, denying him that privilege could be rightfully interpreted as not being submissive. When people make marriage vows the say, "in richness and in poorness, yes I do."

dealslip:
Shame on men like you who think women are inferior to you and that they are your slaves. Many Nigerian men are still in their man child stages. Most of them have matured biologically but not mentally and spiritually. In a system that recognises the right of women such men can never survive.

Shame on women(betrayals) like you, that are hellbent on seeing the downfall of their husbands. Control freak oshi