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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? (10888 Views)
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Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by ChynoBEATS: 5:34pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada: Well maa'm I can tell he's frustrated N that's why there's too much hate in his heart.....yes u may have done your best but still I think he has been deprived of something very dear to him.... But still I knw he can change..... Please maa'm keep praying for him.... julianadada:Lol ... Madam... Well u can report him to the air-force base so they can adjust his senses with some crazy punishments .... Its not advisable tho ..... |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by BIGGMAMA: 5:36pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
I am very sorry for what you are going through Ma. I am lost for words. Cc. Cococandy Ifalways Efemena Make una come biko |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Richy4(m): 5:36pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
jideprof: My brother, what do you want me to say... if regular girls comes his way, he will mistreat them..and they will be trash before him.. but a Taekwondo instructor will hold her own...and sometimes teach him that the fear of a female martial art instructor is the beginning of wisdom abi how u see am.. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by jideprof: 5:38pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4: Na so o my brother. but how will she even get a woman for him in the first place. I doubt if a woman that knows him will ever attempt to get married to him. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 5:39pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4: Where did she say she was his step mum? You seem to be making a lot of unfounded assumptions. 7 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Bizibi(m): 5:40pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4:abeg forget all this talk,some people issues are not normal at all, there is one right now that is heading that way,a chronic dropout, went to five schools,hanging out with young teens,went to rehab still no result.his age mates are doing well but his own his a different case,the parents have tried everything possible......no need doing all that, nature have a way of making them wise up. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Richy4(m): 5:42pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Henrypraise: You know that you can always drop your idea without rubbishing another's opinion and ideas...the thread was a free space and can accommodate every one..and I did not see what you wrote here that i did not add... maybe you have comprehension issues you need to work on. 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Jethrolite(m): 5:42pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada:Send me a PM. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Richy4(m): 5:45pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Ujoan: If you know the meaning of guessing, you will not ask this question... |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 5:46pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada:. Thanks for clarifying this. I think much like Freud people alway think that everyone's misbehavior is as a result of their upbringing. While that obviously plays a huge role, it doesn't necessarily mean that the parents did something wrong while raising them. Some kids are just bad eggs and there's really not much one can do to change that. I however think in this case , that you and your husband are enablers to this man. I mean at 37 years he still lives with you and does nothing to provide for himself. Next thing you guys will do will be to get her a wife to distribute more of his viciousness to. The guy is a grown a55 man, please kick him out of your home. Lock him up if he tries something funny and let him cool off his heels in jail for some time Though love is all he needs. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 5:48pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4: Yes but a guess is often derived from facts. Yours was clearly unfounded.. . . . More like being pulled from the sky. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 5:49pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
..... |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Richy4(m): 5:57pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Ujoan: I do not really wanna argue with you...You are basically gearing up for a silly argument which doesn't make sense to me...I know you have never made a guess before because you were all knowing...But I want to beg you on one thing, work on your comprehension issues...it will help u.. have a good day |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by MrBLING(m): 5:59pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Suggestions 1. Kick him out of the house. At 37 he should not be living under his parents roof. 2. Set and enforce boundaries. Don't give in to unreasonable demands. When you reach a decision, stick by it and ensure you and your husband always make same decision and not contradict each other. He can play one against the other. 3. He should get married, have a child. When he realizes that he has a responsibility and mouth to feed, can make him sit up and reduce reckless living. 4. What about joining the military. He would be in the barracks, a confined environment away from dangers that lurk in the streets, and the military bosses and enforce discipline. However given his age, he may be too old to enlist. This is Nigeria though where anything can happen. 5. His problems may be genetic. He may have a learning difficulty, antisocial personality disorder, depression etc. He should have a comprehensive psychological and psychiatric assessment. There might be role for medications. Usually people with confrontational tendencies don't do well with counselling. Good luck and God bless. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 6:04pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada:Get some local vigilantes in your area or even the police let them deal with him. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 6:07pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4: So I'm the bad guy here? Is that how you want to play it? You completely made a rash and judgemental accusation agasint this woman based on your own myopic way of reasoning, and judging from the number of likes you got already, people were buying into your B'S, but no, I'm the terrible person here. If it turned out that this woman was indeed his step mum, your seemingly harmless 'guess' would have totally destroyed her reputation and the authenticity of her complaints. And yet you know nothing about her, you were just guessing! ! You would have just decided that she was a bad step mum and didn't do her best raising that man because he wasn't hers, when infact you could have been totally and completely wrong. So maybe next time you feel like making a guess, you could do us all a favour and DON'T! !! 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Regisster: 6:08pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Sometimes it's easier to sit down and conclude that some people didn't try their best as parents in the upbringing of their kids, but I beg to differ, YOU CAN FORCE A HORSE TO THE RIVER BUT YOU CAN'T FORCE IT TO DRINK WATER I can relate to this situation cos I'm in one myself, I have a brother of the same age living with my parents, and he has kids himself(plenty children).he smokes weed, have no serious thing he's doing and doesn't care, cos as bad as it can get, my parents still feed him. He's 37, some would say what were the parents looking at before it got this bad, trust me, our parents did their best, there's virtually nothing they didn't try prayers, soldiers, etc(trust me if you've ever had a problem/challenge, a thousand and one people will offer differentst solutions) in short he got the very best of everything they had to offer, and we're not a polygamous family oh, Money was gathered to rent a place for him, the landlord complained about him, when the rent expired, he was served a quit notice, now he's back in the house with the kids(he didn't go with them) The situation we find ourselves in today is as a result of the choices we made in the past, and when it backfires on us, we look for who to put the blame on, then you hear talks like, it's from the village blah blah blah.......now he threatens our parents on a regular basis and I've been called by neighbors to come and take away my parents before he harms them. We the other siblings have our own families too. I/we still pray for him, I believe he can and will eventually change, I still talk to him, show him love and I encourage my parents to do the same, but I believe he alone can make him change if he wants to. I'm still open to opinions of others, cos anything that can help will be greatly appreciated It's a sad situation to be in..... 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by dapsonlou(m): 6:11pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Have you ever consider that some kids are Rotten apply? No matter the love or attention, he will still show his / her true colors 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by chacoonder(m): 6:13pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Ma'am,this is a very sad case....Last year, just behind my house here in Abuja, a man after consuming his hemp, went for a plank of wood and decended heavily on his mom till he killed her,the rest is now history.I think the first thing you need to do since you said he has even graduated from smoking to selling weed is that you should try and take him to a rehab for clean up, when he's done with that, you can now plan on how to set him up business wise then marriage. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Richy4(m): 6:13pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Ujoan: I am through with u dear... have a good day |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Nobody: 6:16pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Richy4: Thanks, have a good day too. But now will be a good time to edit your post. I see more mentios coming for you. Just a thought . . . 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by dapsonlou(m): 6:18pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Your Parents are Enablers, that is what ruining your brother. How can they accept a 37 year old thug to be living with them. I understand if he's a responsible guy that fell on Hard times then your Parents can Accept him. I'm sure they are the one still giving him money. Let your mother know he's no longer are baby, but a grown man that needs to find his own way. They need to put him out. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Originalsly: 6:29pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
@Op..... bend the tree while it is young. It is the duty of all parents to bring up their children with certain values, to give them a foundation so they can stand on their own when grown and lead a responsible and productive life. I strongly believe as parents you have been enablers. ...and are still enabling him. You have been providing for him all the yearssss. After his schooling. ... and on becoming an adult... what tasks/conditions was he given if he wanted to remain living under your roof? He is used to doing whatever he wants without consequences.... spoiled to the core... no tough love to set him straight. Now at age 37... when he should be taking care of his parents... here you are still trying to take care of him...now living in fear. Get help from the police or whoever.... toss him out... he's a grown man... let him finally find his own way....whatever life he chooses to live. "You can take the horse to the water but you can't make him drink". ...change comes from within. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Annalise(f): 6:31pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Mummy don't give yourself ulcer with fasting and please direct your prayer requests to yourself for your own wellbeing. Someone close to me was like that. If he is not suffering from mental illness, things will turn around though it will take a looong time. This guy I know, his mother had to hustle federal government job for him in a place far from where they lived. He later got married at the very ripe age of 43 and he is now a responsible person. Please don't allow him know you're stressed about him just continue to enjoy your old age with daddy. Just pretent he doesnt exist. Be happy for no reason around the house. Don't push him to join army as suggested above, we don't need people like this in the army. Get him rehabilitated and away from your city. Shikena. Eku suuru, eku iyanju. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by emerged01(m): 6:37pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Mark 9 vs 29 And he said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting. Go into prayer and fasting for him and he will turn a new leave. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by homesteady(m): 6:52pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Please Ma, don't start any form of business for him, it would be better to throw the money into a burning pit! |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Boldstar(m): 6:58pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
You must have treated him with kids gloves all these years for him to deteriorate to this stage. Better late than never. Teach him sense! Talk sense to him and if he dare raise an arm against his father, get SARS to arrest him and teach him lesson for one week. After he is released, find a job for him, give him enough money for rent and ask him to get an accommodation within 3 days. If he doesn't after collecting the money, boot him out. Teach him sense now or he will never learn |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by repogirl(f): 7:01pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
I don't think sending him to jail would do any good. He might meet up with other thugs and even become worse off. Like Richy4 said, it's prayer in his case o. Maybe you need to take his issues to a good man of God, there is noone God can't help. Good luck. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Blessograo(f): 7:01pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
Abeg no disturb yourself get an apartment for him far away from you, tell him it's his a apartment if you can pay his rents every month? Fine it will stop him from visiting you or anyone if you can't pay always tell him you don't want to see him in you house and tell him his job is to feed himself and no one will do that for him and also tell him his father has sold his house just your help pay his rents skills he will not visit his father and if he visit let his father call the police. |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by Theflint1(m): 7:20pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada:ma look for some money and fly him out of the country. My elder bro was quite like that and flying him out gave him and every other person peace. 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle A Toxic Bullying Adult Child? by COOL10(m): 7:22pm On Oct 23, 2016 |
julianadada:. One problem with most nigerian parents is that when they see their children pick up new attitudes they become too quick to judge and blame them. Madame its obvious ur son is emotionally disturbed due to past events in his life. That's the problem with most 'bullies' like u called him. I'm sure he wasnt all like that. Think very well,there must be smtn one of u in ur family if not all of u did directly or indirectly. 4gt pple telling u to do away with him cos he's 37. Like it or not he's stl dat sweet boy u gave birth to after 9 months. Leave his age out. We are all the same age inside. Right now he must be feeling totally left out by u guys and it aint helping matters. Very soon he'll get tired of unleashing his anger on pple and might very well commit suicide. U need to think bacback or better still take the bold step and talk to himas his mom. U'r stl his mom and he might be resistant as 1st but keep on trying with patience and hope. that's if u really want him to change. Take my advice,u wont regret it. |
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