My Friend just confided in me the real reason he has been avoiding and evading any discussion that has to do with marital affairs.

This guy is a very handsome dude and a jovial kind of being. I noticed that since I've known him that he hasn't keep any relationship beyond 4 months. I used to brushed this off with the reason that my friend must be a playboy until yesterday evening when he opened up to me because of his 'High' state

He told me he was born out of wedlock and he was taken from his mother when he was just a year plus (as he was told) to be living with his paternal Grandmother. The Grandparents were farmers and they have little or no time to attend to his mental developments.

He told me that doesn't remember any bit about any 'reasonable' time spent with his real dad or mom before he lost them at his teens age.

Now to cut the story short, he said he couldn't bring himself to understand what a Parental care or love is. He doesn't know anything about family setup because the people he lived with in his early age were farmer that start their daily routine of farming as early as 6am and ends it around 6pm which hindered them from showing him that love or care he craves for.

The fear in his mind now is how he's gonna be relating with any woman he marry? How do families relate together? What does it takes to be a loving, caring and responsible father? Mind you these are what he couldn't get as a person to the extent that he has been finding it difficult to hold any lady down cos they used to complained that he is too cold. and he told me he is trying his possible best to be romantic.

He told me that he don't wanna be like his father or mother. He don't wanna fail his own family.

Dear Nairalanders, Please my guy needs mature advise cos he told me that he is contemplating impregnating any lady and accept the kid and not the mother. I told him he is on the way to creating another version of him.

Please Your Advise and counseling might save a traumatised fellow.

Mods.....please move this to front page for my guy sake....he is also a Nairalander and might see this. thanks

That why i advice against away match. Some parents ehn they are messed up.
Back to tha topic, he has to spend some time in a family house setting. Probably his relatives or a friend. Secondly he has to get married to a very good homely lady. A lady that understands the virtues of motherhood and taking care of her home. So he has to avoid the city ladies or open eye babes in nairaland, and search for the reserved up and doing lady from a rural setting. Am talking from experience ooh cos very few city ladies make good wifes.
Furthermore he has to change that notion of baby mama drama, let him think positively about life. And Lastly, Marriage is not by force, baby mama is not by force either, enjoy yiur single life, adopt a kid and die.. Afterall no one lives more than 90 something these days, so why should we carry life matter ontop our head like agege bread

Justdulla:
That why i advice against away match. Some parents ehn they are messed up.
Back to tha topic, he has to spend some time in a family house setting. Probably his relatives or a friend. Secondly he has to get married to a very good homely lady. A lady that understands the virtues of motherhood and taking care of her home. So he has to avoid the city ladies or open eye babes in nairaland, and search for the reserved up and doing lady from a rural setting. Am talking from experience ooh cos very few city ladies make good wifes.
Furthermore he has to change that notion of baby mama drama, let him think positively about life. And Lastly, Marriage is not by force, baby mama is not by force either, enjoy yiur single life, adopt a kid and die.. Afterall no one lives more than 90 something these days, so why should we carry life matter ontop our head like agege bread

Well said brother...i hope he's seeing this.......thanks

op...he asked you...not us

It can be very difficult growing up in an unloving or uncaring family setting. I know what my family means to me and to have them not care for me will be a disaster.

However, your friend will need to make determined personal efforts to help himself. His parents not being there for him would not make him unable to show parental love. And for those that complained of him being cold. I don't know how cold cold is. But if a relationship is a serious one then a partner is supposed to help d other to become better.

Did he inform them of his background?

A poster talked about city girls and rural girls. Sounds funny to me. Its all about individual and not where u grew up or are located.

Goodluck

I have solution to this challenge, let him contact me

Ezionye:
It can be very difficult growing up in an unloving or uncaring family setting. I know what my family means to me and to have them not care for me will be a disaster.

However, your friend will need to make determined personal efforts to help himself. His parents not being there for him would not make him unable to show parental love. And for those that complained of him being cold. I don't know how cold cold is. But if a relationship is a serious one then a partner is supposed to help d other to become better.

Did he inform them of his background?

A poster talked about city girls and rural girls. Sounds funny to me. Its all about individual and not where u grew up or are located.

Goodluck

Thanks so much for this......it will go a long way i'm sure...

He is a reserve fellow. he rarely talk s about his past or background to people except we that have known him from childhood.

abimbawealth:
I have solution to this challenge, let him contact me

Lol......alright.

PMed you though

If your friend wants to get married, he will. All these ones na long Tory. What about orphans that grew up without any parental guide but the are doing well in their various families and partners. He even saw a grandmother that raised him. Where did you say your friend is from

Marriage is not by force na OP. He knows what he wants. Leave him be. After all it's the trend in western countries and it's a success there...

Oloniyan:


Please Your Advise and counseling might save a traumatised fellow.

CC: Seun Lalasticlala Obinoscopy ishilove Mynd4........please move this to front page for my guy sake....he is also a Nairalander and might see this. thanks

The fact that he's worried about these things already shows he'll make a good father and husband.

Caring enough to make an effort is all it takes.

Tell him he'll be fine.

Ujoan:


The fact that he's worried about these things already shows he'll make a good father and husband.

Caring enough to make an effort is all it takes.

Tell him he'll be fine.

many thanks to you

i wanted to say those who give a phork went that way,i just realised we all give a phork

chai

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whatcha sayyyyyy

.

I'll book a space and comment after dinner. This one is strong.

Na recession cause am

Until he gets upto three legs, then beauty wil be history and children wil be scare in ur home. Handsome mkpi hausa

Yimu

Doesn't he have friends that have proper family?

Dude is scared of commitment. ..no let am bobo u

What has handsome gotta do with his dysfunctional family?

You can't give what you don't have

Tell him most things in life happen naturally. He's not a kid. That he didn't live with parents doesn't mean he won't know how to kiss his wife and make her happy. Even it turns out to be that the people who had little or no attention are better family men. Soldiers you fear everyday on the road are good friends and dads to their little kids. He has nothing to worry about. Just as humans and animals don't read a manual to know how to suck breast as a kids, a mans love and care for his offspring comes naturally.

Those who gıve a Bleep are comıng bro.be patıent.

Not a fan of long write up

Catalin:
If your friend wants to get married, he will. All these ones na long Tory. What about orphans that grew up without any parental guide but the are doing well in their various families and partners. He even saw a grandmother that raised him. Where did you say your friend is from

Well said

First step is that he had identified his problem. Only him can work it out. Determination is the key word here. If he determine to be a good father and husband, he will. Get him some books on relationship and good parenting it will help him. If he can meet a marriage counsellor or attend marriage seminar to learn it will go a long way to help him.

kateskitty:
You can't give what you don't have

Spot on. I would've called you smart, but I won't: because of your moniker. Yes I'm judging you. And yes you can call me Judge Dredd.

canalily:
Until he gets upto three legs, then beauty wil be history and children wil be scare in ur home. Handsome mkpi hausa

was this even necessary?

Those who gave a fuckkk went where?