₦airaland Forum

the way some people advice ehn,,,for me your sister should pray, talk to him politely about it or try to package well and as make sure he gets all those things his going outside to get..if possible Bleep him every night so he won't ve d strength to do anything outside

MarieSucre:
Is it the woman that is foolish or her cheating husband.

Is d woman dat is foolish if u view d matter it from higher intelligence because she knew d man was cheating while they were dating yet she went ahead to marry him..... dat type of foolishness is described in d Bible...

MdRabx:
the way some people advice ehn,,,for me your sister should pray, talk to him politely about it or try to package well and as make sure he gets all those things his going outside to get..if possible Bleep him every night so he won't ve d strength to do anything outside

there is nothing she can do about it...from time immemorial d man has been a cheat even before marriage...so shall he continue...



and d bleeping....she will only carry HIV or STD from d man because d man think with his dick

blazer234:
Your sister has no job I guess. She saw a man that is financially OK and married him. Your sister never knew what attracted her to the man will also attract other girls to the man.

Who is paying the bills? Your sister or the husband? How much is your sister contributing to home upkeep? Maybe nothing. So why is she complaining? Is the man collecting money from her to sleep with those girls? Is he not meeting your sister's needs? Oh, your sister wants to have the man and all his money to herself, right?

This is one of the challenges of being a full dependant on your husband. It renders you incapacitated and you will have no say since you can't even feed yourself until your husband gives you money. She should allow the man to enjoy his money.

A women who depends on husband for virtually everything has lost respect and she should take whatever comes her way. Marrying a financially sound man has got its price.

I beg to disagree. A cheat is a cheat whether he's rich or not. Being a house wife is not the reason why the man is cheating. The man will also cheat even if the woman was working and making money. So ur point doesn't hold water.

chizzy4love:
Please I need advice for my elder sister whose husband is a chronic cheat.Their marriage is about 2 years now with a son. She have whatsapp chat proof of his affairs with like 10 other girls. He gives her everything and hides these affairs but my sister is extremely smart. He cheated on her during their 9 years courtship with like 3 different girls that she knows of but she dint have enough proof and people including her inlaws begged her not to leave him without proof. Well fastforward to after marriage, he is still seeing those girls including new ones but this time she have enough proof.

The worst of all was her complains to my mum this morning. She said she discovered in a chat between her husband and one of the girls he dated that she dint initially have proof of that he wants to marry her secretly, that the lady initially aborted for him 3 times before and now he is begging her to get pregnant for him again and he will marry her secretly. Meanwhile he is still constantly chatting and sleeping with the remaining 9 or more others.

She also discovered in his chat the curses from another girl he promised marriage before abandoning her to marry my sister. The lady lamented on how he made her commit series of abortions in the name he was not ready yet and his responds was I want to fvck you tonight are you free?.

From the same whatsapp chat she discovered he gave another girl 10,000 naira to abort a pregnancy recently.
He also invited 3 other different girls from outside his state.
Please if I continue, this whole page will not be enough.

My mum was trying to advice her to save massively since she already have a 6months old baby for him because she cant take care of the baby alone in these hard times. But I think she should just quit.
Meanwhile her husband dosnt know she has all those proofs.

PLEASE I NEED MATURED ADVICE GUYS.
Note* He have refused to open any business for her so that she can be financially independent.

They say that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Don't go and get married instead of sounding like a broken record all the fvcking time. Agbaya!

Toks2008:
All these nairaland teenagers or smallies who still live in wonder land .

Call me any name you want...you are both still young in matters of matrimony...

I'm a realist and not a chauvinist as you think...I have received PMs and calls from ladies who at your age think and talk as you do but have been forced to accept reality.

Only a foolish lady will believe her husband will never cheat on her cos if it does happen,such lady may end up in a psychaltry.

When I write like this,toddlers usually come for my head but mature ladies easily comprehend.

All the sermon in the world have not stopped immorality so don't expect me to turn a moralist on nairaland.

We still have faithful guys out there but 80% guys will cheat on their wives so pray your man is one of the 20%.

Nuff said

stunningjudy:
I don't think you came here for advice. Since you know it all and you are miss high and mighty, do whatever pleases you. BTW, your sister should learn adaptability 1.5million is more than enough to start up business. Don't deceive her to think otherwise.

Abi o. See the conceitedness and arrogance in her comments. She is probably just looking for an audience here.

chronique:
I agree with you. I think she and her sister aren't ready to think out of the box yet. That's why she's giving excuses. I don't know why anybody who wants to run a successful business in this recession, would be thinking of going to open a boutique(a biz that deals with wants), when she can successfully run a fmcg biz(that deal with daily needs). A lot of people fail in business cos they don't do feasibility studies... It isn't just enough for a person to be a graduate. You must be innovative and think what others aren't thinking. But most women like to get involved with the lazy man kind of business idea and that's what makes them fail. When the economy was good, by now most of my clients would have been thinking of changing cars for their spouses but hey, that isn't the case now as people are beginning to manage a lot. Yes, people need clothes but trust me, it won't be an immediate need to them as such. With the 3.5m(her 2m and sister's 1.5m),she can comfortably start a business that deals with fmcg (soap, foods, food stuffs, etc). Children must eat, babies must change diapers, people must wash clothes, etc. Items that people consume on a daily basis, are things she should venture in, that can bring steady turnover. Not some lousy boutique business.

It's unfortunate she married a dog who can't keep his sick in one place. My younger sister was almost married to her fiance last year and the moment she started talking about his cheating tendency, I lost interest in the relationship and when she broke up with the dude(after introduction) and my parents were trying to talk me into making efforts to get them back, I vehemently refused. If a full grown adult cannot use his head in a relationship, the person should better stay single. It's one thing to make a mistake, and it's another thing to continually be irresponsible. I take the issue of infidelity in marriage/relationship, very personal.

Man, i love your counsel.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time around.

davidif:
Abi o. See the conceitedness and arrogance in her comments. She is probably just looking for an audience here.

I tire 4 her. And we unconsciously gave her audience to exhibit her pride. I don't even know why her topic made front page.

dynamix101:
Delete the love part then i will calm down. Me cannot come and be doing competition jor

I haff hear

seriousstudies:
Why are u hyping urself and family here for us, middle class and u have far more than 2million naira in ur account and is still nothing to u, Then marry urself. Or never u talk about men and family again, Do not base ur marital success on wether a man cheats or not.He respects ur sister enough thats why He is hiding the whole thing from her. Is a pity ur sister now know about it,but if he confronts him,a broken home may set in and that little boy may suffer not growing up with both parents in a proper family setting. Staying single is not the best, remarrying is not easy though.Pray for ur husband and try to work on him. Your sister have made a very big mistake by opening up to u who have No knowledge of what marriage is. Is not Boyfriend and girlfriend as u a doing now, maybe dating... Marriage is a sacred mystery... So stay clear and dont assist in breaking her home otherwise ,a huge curse will follow u.Be warned!!!

Worst advice so far. Only a moronic slowpoke will take this poo

ayenitre:
To all single girls here:

Hypothesis: I love him so much but he cheats a lot. I think when we get married and settle down he will become more responsible and act the part.

Comment: Good shout. This reasoning is absolutely logical except for the fact that after an hypothesis comes the experimentation to prove the validity of it. But in this case your life, your marriage, your happiness becomes the experiment, ain't that too much of a risk?

Bros, help me tell them o. Its amazing how a lot of women think that guys would change after marriage.

blazer234:
Your sister has no job I guess. She saw a man that is financially OK and married him. Your sister never knew what attracted her to the man will also attract other girls to the man.

Who is paying the bills? Your sister or the husband? How much is your sister contributing to home upkeep? Maybe nothing. So why is she complaining? Is the man collecting money from her to sleep with those girls? Is he not meeting your sister's needs? Oh, your sister wants to have the man and all his money to herself, right?

This is one of the challenges of being a full dependant on your husband. It renders you incapacitated and you will have no say since you can't even feed yourself until your husband gives you money. She should allow the man to enjoy his money.

A women who depends on husband for virtually everything has lost respect and she should take whatever comes her way. Marrying a financially sound man has got its price.

THIS WILL MAKE MORE SENSE IF COMING FROM A WOMAN. I WISH YOU WERE?

Peacefulpeace:
She is courageous. It's not easy sacrificing yourself for a cheating spouse.

My eldest sister resigned from Kaduna to join her hubby in Lag and she is so messed up right now. All she saved, the hubby took from her with one excuse or the other. He doesn't spend time with her, all that is between them is food and sex (which she always have to beg for once in two - three weeks.)

Hers is so bad. He gives irrelevant excuses for not coming home coz he's a telecom engineer. Going through his texts, she discovered he has countless ladies whom he met on dating apps like badoo and had cheated on her two days after their wedding (the marriage will be a year in May).

Right now, she's processing a job in Abuja so that she can flee from the marriage. I have learnt to prioritise my job over all things. In as much as I love my husband, my job comes first. Losing it is like losing all. My sister case is so terrible that I now send her money for upkeep. This is someone who saw two of our siblings through University and didn't marry till she's in her very late twenties when the pressure on her from home was much.

Wow!!! sorry to hear that. This is why people should not be put under pressure to get married under any circumstances. So sad the damage loved ones inflict on there own family members all in the name of "wanting whats best for them."

learnedman:
pls leave your sister alone and concentrate on your own life,if u chase your sister away from her marriage will u marry her?at least the man is catering for her and not maltreating her,what thia case needs is prayers and not instigating divorce

and what if he gives her a venereal disease?

Toks2008:
That moment when a woman starts to understand how genetically,morally,sexually and physically different she is from a man is the moment she starts to experience peace and happiness in her relationship with a man ...I will stop here.

Wow! see reasoning? so its ok to cheat abi? Kai! see mentality.

Toks2008:
Madam chizzy please read this very carefully and before I go on it is pertinent to know this is coming from a 41year old who have seen shits happen in life.

There is what we call mid life crises in the life of men and your sis husband is going through that at the moment and I'm also going through mine but trust me,only a man with the holy spirit and love for christ and lots of self control can maintain a good moral standing at that stage in life.

The mid life crises of a lady starts at 20 to 35 and that of man is a bit longer from age 30 to 50. At this stage most people will feel like exploring their sexuality to the max but tend to calm down latter in life and turn out to be very faithful to our partners.

I was expecting to read about the way he beats your sis or denies her the required stuffs but you made it clear that he takes care of her...

Chizzy. marriage is more complicated than you can ever imagine and I will advice your sis to remain in her marriage and build her home rather than leave cos there is no guaranty she will end up with a faithful guy cos 8 out of every 10 men will cheat on their wives and those 2 who don't cheat will struggle to be faithful in essence..only a spirit filled or highly principled man will remain faithful to his wife...furthermore,she is not new to his philandering act even long before they got marriage which makes me wonder why you are holding brief for her.

You may not understand the dynamics of marriage until you go into it for at least 5years and you will look back st this thread and ask yourself if it was necessary ..

I have created countless threads on this matter and It still baffles me how cluelessly many ladies run out of their marriage over inconsequential matters just to end up more miserable...marriage is not a walk in the park.
https://www.nairaland.com/2618513/before-divorce-adulterous-hubby

The only unfortunate twist is the carelessness of the guy in not using protection but then your sister can insist on protected sex at least to safeguard herself but leaving her marriage should be the last resort except the guy becomes violent....no marriage is perfect.

My take

So cheating is inconsequential??!?
Wowww!

naijaGhandi:
I have read a lot of comments here and i wonder why we are this rude all in the name of giving her advice.

The insult directed to the op and her sister is unfair. We have to understand eachother's differences. She already mentioned that she will show her sister the comments in this thread, some of you have very good advice but you shouldn't expect it to be a rubber stamp. Give them time to read it all then come to a conclusion.

Many people claiming your sister was foolish to have married the man, don't understand the complexities of marriage.

You can marry a decent man and after wedding he begins to flirt due to reasons that no one can explain.

First and foremost, i think your sister needs to take care of her heart, high b.p is a silent killer, she should accept her fate and put all her trust in GOD to change the man for good.

Secondly, she can involve herself in online businesses that will also give her time to take care of her kid...many american nursing mothers use this strategy.

If she gets involved in the right online biz, she can get close to 6m profit within 6 months...i hope that will be enough to start her boutique biz.

Love conquers all, let her concentrate on her family, develop herself, in whatever way possible. Most.of these old rich men you see today were once like your sister's husband, with time, challenges will make him sit up, but before then let her do all she can not to worry herself over his flirty lifestyle.

Love is crazy, a stupid part of her still loves him,let her not let go because there's no perfect man anywhere.

Thanks. Please is the online biz you are talking about forex?.

Peacefulpeace:
She is courageous. It's not easy sacrificing yourself for a cheating spouse.

My eldest sister resigned from Kaduna to join her hubby in Lag and she is so messed up right now. All she saved, the hubby took from her with one excuse or the other. He doesn't spend time with her, all that is between them is food and sex (which she always have to beg for once in two - three weeks.)

Hers is so bad. He gives irrelevant excuses for not coming home coz he's a telecom engineer. Going through his texts, she discovered he has countless ladies whom he met on dating apps like badoo and had cheated on her two days after their wedding (the marriage will be a year in May).

Right now, she's processing a job in Abuja so that she can flee from the marriage. I have learnt to prioritise my job over all things. In as much as I love my husband, my job comes first. Losing it is like losing all. My sister case is so terrible that I now send her money for upkeep. This is someone who saw two of our siblings through University and didn't marry till she's in her very late twenties when the pressure on her from home was much.

hmm

Toks2008:
Madam chizzy please read this very carefully and before I go on it is pertinent to know this is coming from a 41year old who have seen shits happen in life.

There is what we call mid life crises in the life of men and your sis husband is going through that at the moment and I'm also going through mine but trust me,only a man with the holy spirit and love for christ and lots of self control can maintain a good moral standing at that stage in life.

The mid life crises of a lady starts at 20 to 35 and that of man is a bit longer from age 30 to 50. At this stage most people will feel like exploring their sexuality to the max but tend to calm down latter in life and turn out to be very faithful to our partners.

I was expecting to read about the way he beats your sis or denies her the required stuffs but you made it clear that he takes care of her...

Chizzy. marriage is more complicated than you can ever imagine and I will advice your sis to remain in her marriage and build her home rather than leave cos there is no guaranty she will end up with a faithful guy cos 8 out of every 10 men will cheat on their wives and those 2 who don't cheat will struggle to be faithful in essence..only a spirit filled or highly principled man will remain faithful to his wife...furthermore,she is not new to his philandering act even long before they got marriage which makes me wonder why you are holding brief for her.

You may not understand the dynamics of marriage until you go into it for at least 5years and you will look back st this thread and ask yourself if it was necessary ..

I have created countless threads on this matter and It still baffles me how cluelessly many ladies run out of their marriage over inconsequential matters just to end up more miserable...marriage is not a walk in the park.
https://www.nairaland.com/2618513/before-divorce-adulterous-hubby

The only unfortunate twist is the carelessness of the guy in not using protection but then your sister can insist on protected sex at least to safeguard herself but leaving her marriage should be the last resort except the guy becomes violent....no marriage is perfect.

My take

Noted.You sound matured.
I have really gotten alot of mature comments here.i appreciate guys.
For the ones that chose to insult me rather than just advice and leave like the matured ones did,well,I will pass cos like someone commented earlier,no one ever gets choked from swallowing their pride.
I also got something else from you guys "when someone show you who they are the first time,believe them."

chizzy4love:
My dad won't take her in cos he was against the marriage from onset.

well your Dad shouldn't forget that she still remain her daughter no matter what happen so he should be ready to take her in. Secondly I think your sister need to pray serious about these he might be possessed your know.

Wrong guy cos he cheats?? WOW

chizzy4love:
Dear,you have totally missed the point here.the man said the reason he married my sis was because they started dating when he dint have even one car.family wise we are richer but he has made money for himself now.My sister dated him for 9 years.she dint have proof of his cheating then.So you see,she dint plunge in Headon into problem,she just married the wrong guy.
All these things I see is the reason I am being very careful before saying I do.I don't have strength for wahala.I am single now by choice not that I don't have suitors.

Well said

Toks2008:
Madam chizzy please read this very carefully and before I go on it is pertinent to know this is coming from a 41year old who have seen shits happen in life.

There is what we call mid life crises in the life of men and your sis husband is going through that at the moment and I'm also going through mine but trust me,only a man with the holy spirit and love for christ and lots of self control can maintain a good moral standing at that stage in life.

The mid life crises of a lady starts at 20 to 35 and that of man is a bit longer from age 30 to 50. At this stage most people will feel like exploring their sexuality to the max but tend to calm down latter in life and turn out to be very faithful to our partners.

I was expecting to read about the way he beats your sis or denies her the required stuffs but you made it clear that he takes care of her...

Chizzy. marriage is more complicated than you can ever imagine and I will advice your sis to remain in her marriage and build her home rather than leave cos there is no guaranty she will end up with a faithful guy cos 8 out of every 10 men will cheat on their wives and those 2 who don't cheat will struggle to be faithful in essence..only a spirit filled or highly principled man will remain faithful to his wife...furthermore,she is not new to his philandering act even long before they got marriage which makes me wonder why you are holding brief for her.

You may not understand the dynamics of marriage until you go into it for at least 5years and you will look back st this thread and ask yourself if it was necessary ..

I have created countless threads on this matter and It still baffles me how cluelessly many ladies run out of their marriage over inconsequential matters just to end up more miserable...marriage is not a walk in the park.
https://www.nairaland.com/2618513/before-divorce-adulterous-hubby

The only unfortunate twist is the carelessness of the guy in not using protection but then your sister can insist on protected sex at least to safeguard herself but leaving her marriage should be the last resort except the guy becomes violent....no marriage is perfect.

My take

daretodiffer:
Don't go and get married instead of sounding like a broken record all the fvcking time. Agbaya!

Lol! I'm happy you are a Muslim so be ready for polygamy or remain single...Good day

why expose your sister's marital issues like this, if it was maybe dating or during courting I would understand but this is marriage no one likes a third party

he is a serial cheat, yes but chose your sister above others then she should ask her man playfully, what made him choose her then she should work on that.

don't get yourself involved in someone's else marital issues, you won't like the outcome especially when all grievances has been settled. it will be like "if I had known, I would have kept it to myself "



nuff said

davidif:
Man, i love your counsel.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time around.

Thanks.

chizzy4love:
My dad won't take her in cos he was against the marriage from onset.

Hmm like he knew d guy is a cheater or what

stunningjudy:
I haff hear

Good. Now u just made my morning

Your sister is smart, dated a chronic cheat for nine years and expect him to change after marriage? Dat sounds foolish to me. Marriage isn't a character changing institution but rather one that views someones flaws and decide that they are bearable to live with.

Your sister studied economics so why can't she use 1.5 to get a business running?let alone having 3mill?are you kidding me?even if you are in Mew York, 3mill is enough to start you some kind of business no matter how small if you are serious. The truth is you guys are not serious yet,if she decides to be serious even 500k she will find a way to do something with it.

Borrow her some money and latter she can pay you back,as for her husband,sorry to say he can't change except he has an encounter with Jesus Christ for real..and as such she should always use a condom with him. I find it VERY difficult to believe they dated for 9years and she didn't see REAL evidence of his cheating,she just ignored them and this is the result of self deceit. Anyway I won't advice her to leave her home if she still loves him and hopes things get better cos if she leaves,another woman will step in and that's the end of her marriage,she can only leave if she is sure she is done with the marriage. Good luck to you guys

DarkRebel101:
Such coagulation of vile stupidity!

If idiocy were muscle power then the amount contained in this comment of yours is more than is required to bench press a third world nation.

I'm so grateful to u for dis comment..

chizzy4love:
Please I need advice for my elder sister whose husband is a chronic cheat.Their marriage is about 2 years now with a son. She have whatsapp chat proof of his affairs with like 10 other girls. He gives her everything and hides these affairs but my sister is extremely smart. He cheated on her during their 9 years courtship with like 3 different girls that she knows of but she dint have enough proof and people including her inlaws begged her not to leave him without proof. Well fastforward to after marriage, he is still seeing those girls including new ones but this time she have enough proof.

The worst of all was her complains to my mum this morning. She said she discovered in a chat between her husband and one of the girls he dated that she dint initially have proof of that he wants to marry her secretly, that the lady initially aborted for him 3 times before and now he is begging her to get pregnant for him again and he will marry her secretly. Meanwhile he is still constantly chatting and sleeping with the remaining 9 or more others.

She also discovered in his chat the curses from another girl he promised marriage before abandoning her to marry my sister. The lady lamented on how he made her commit series of abortions in the name he was not ready yet and his responds was I want to fvck you tonight are you free?.

From the same whatsapp chat she discovered he gave another girl 10,000 naira to abort a pregnancy recently.
He also invited 3 other different girls from outside his state.
Please if I continue, this whole page will not be enough.

My mum was trying to advice her to save massively since she already have a 6months old baby for him because she cant take care of the baby alone in these hard times. But I think she should just quit.
Meanwhile her husband dosnt know she has all those proofs.

PLEASE I NEED MATURED ADVICE GUYS.
Note* He have refused to open any business for her so that she can be financially independent.

hmm my sister diz one strong o..Obviously he cant change
Ur sister would hav listened to ur parents
Therez this saying "what the elders see standing the younger wont see sitting".

I nealy made same mistak years ago with one guy from ondo.But my dat persistent made me call it quit...The guy eventually married another.

I recently heard the married crashed just under one year due the guy $s promiscous ways.

Where is he from i guess west right?