₦airaland Forum

The day i slept with a woman whose husband was in prison
She was preparing to leave her husband because she said he was domestically abusing her and while he was in prison, she agreed we start seeing so she was like its ok to come around our house. She introduced me to her 5 year old son and when it was bed time she practically raped me


The day i dated two women on the same day as our first dates

The first lady agreed to meet at 1pm while the second lady said she will finish work at 5pm so we can meet.

i was excited to meet the lady at 1pm and we went to her house, she showed me around and said she liked my shirt and dressing, she said if i continue to dress like that she would spend all her money on me shopping on clothes for me . We ordered some foods and ate together, she said she wanted a nap and right in front of me she took off he clothes, we started kissing. My blood was hot, i tried entering her gate but she refused. She said we just need to sleep next to each other and i can't enter inside which i found funny and weird.

Within a few hours, i started getting texts from the other lady that she was about leaving work, i hurriedly wore my trousers and kissed this other lady goodbye lol.

funny stories..... can't stop laughing.... lwkmd

paddybrown:
mine happen wen we re still in federal university dutsinma in Katrina state... base on na north na so we dey inside lecture hall like dis nd one car just d pas by, d next tin we heard was explosion, so everyone just d find there Lane... my lecturer who happen 2 b a visiting lecturer started begging me 2 find hiding place 4 him, mean why na just car tyre explode

I cant stop laughing

NaturaEssie:
when l was in primary school,someone farted and our teacher had to start smelling everyone's butt

Hydrolysis:
so you were one of those guys

LOOOOL...i'm not a guy oh ,i hated and avoided dat place like hell .those guys will yab u ehn,u'll go home and think of ur life .Are u in u p?

Mine was when I was in jss2 . Always calling a girl named Tokubo "second hand " na so these girl one day just stop and look into my eye and ask WHAT DO YOU WANT?

luminouz:
Ever had dysentery or is it diarrhea before in a bus from oshodi to toll gate(Agbado ijaye) ......I had n it was brutally nasty.....here goes
I went to a conference @ Eko Hotel n towers.... Had a lotta drink n food...... I was feeling full when one of d servers ( a cute dark geh like DAT) offered me a whole plate of rice....2 big turkey pieces n some salad...instead of me to keep till later.. I wolfed it all down.....was on d bus from island to oshodi when my tummy(had been behaving funny since morning coz I ate beans) started playing me some tunes...I ignored n it was controllable till I got to oshodi @7pm( u know Lagos traffic)
From oshodi to ijaye na DIE.......my tummy revolted n I spent virtually all my energies compressing my ASS while poo rhythmically swore to find a way thru..d consequence.....abnormal sweating!!!!!
D Lady sitting close to me noticed n was concerned...kept asking if I was alright...couldn't speak just nodded...all my power focused on d gravity defying.....tummy compress ignoring....all purpose fvck up giving... POO....
d poor thing thought I had malaria n was busy using a hankie to pat my face.
DAT day I cursed all d drivers causing holdup in Lagos.....I was half dead with exhaustion by d time d bus drew at my bustop!!!! I practically flew out n started running like a mad man looking for any place to drop d poo......
It wasn't funny coz some peeps thought something happened n a few started running too!Lmao!!!!! I knew I couldn't hold it any longer when I called a bike man..offered him a thousand bucks to carry me anywia I can deposit poo......dude was a pro.....n rode like hell for an eatery way past my house.....I barged in straight to d Loo.....n VOILÀ!!! Emptied my load in there... Spent like 30 mins inside......I felt like I just gave birth or something!!!! Bike man carried me home(nice guy)
I never got a chance to thank DAT nice geh in d bus...my only regret!!!

0b10010011:


Whenever I remember how stupid I was to have voted Goodluck Ebele Jonathan then, I burst into laughter!

... Whenever i remember how naija people were stupid enough 2 vote baba. I no fit laugh.

Articul8:
I used to have crush on my.mum's frnd. That woman fine no.be small. When ever she visits and take a drinl i quickly go for the cup and drink in the same spot she drank.(trying to kiss her) is was about 10-11 yrs oo

TEARS

poshestmina:
Reminds me of Nelson Mandela hostel boys in Uniport ,those boys were troublesoooome .they'll gather themselves in groups and wait 4 girls to cuss and bully .

Actually those boys are still doing that..especially block B..(their modus nw is 2 scream rape!!!!... every now nd then.._)

Mine was in Jss2, I pushed a girl, she staggered and missed a step and then gbosa! Her head knack for wall...........na so she faint.

I got the flogging of my life that day. I cried sotey my eyes got tired of supplying tears.
My happiness was that I didn't kill somebody's daughter.

It happened in Nursery 2 when someone suddenly polluted the air. The teacher was known for caning students very well. Everyone was scared that's how me 'the mumu' laughed the whole class pointed at me chai i was innocent ooo. The man flocked me in front of the whole class but the culprit was there staring at me. I couldn't tell them its the girl cus my ass was very hot.

It was SS2 and there was this very cute transfer guy in my class. I was a very shy girl and I was never able to look at him directly when we talk. One day he shook my hand, I thought I would melt, I melted. I kept my hand closed for hours and when no one was watching, I opened my hand and kissed my palm. I did that till I got home, I even vowed not to wash my hands. I eventually did (almost cried) when I had to prove wrong my sister who had noticed my behaviour and kept teasing me about kissing my palm because a boy shook my hand (still wonder till date how she knew).

onadana:
Back then in Airforce secondary School...Kaduna.I was a no body..this particular boy who was the toast of all and all girls flock round him.He was muscular so he bullies at will.Until one day as usual took a jibe at me I was so enraged I told him let's meet at the dam after class (place for settling scores no students separates)I just said it.And lol he honored it with almost every one in attendance. But it was more out of sheer luck I pinned him on the floor.Omo...I became an instant celebrity. My exploit was legendary.I became the toast of all.

thumbs up celeb

Adebowale89:
like seriously past is a memory one cannot forget so quick

I remember one time on sunday, I wasn't given offering money. and the pastor be like everybody must come out from their sit. I've to fold my empty hand tight put hand inside the basket and dance on


I remember when I was in jss3 there is this lady I like but I've very serious fears to approach her. Later I decided to express myself thru a letter, I dropped the letter inside her locker during closing time, before she return bck to the class, I had left....I couldn't come to school for good 4days because of fears . i told mom I was ill, mom keep asking me when is this illness going to end after giving me all drugs of which I was pouring inside the dustbin

at the end, the loverboy lost the girl to the hand of a naughty guy

LMAO!!!

Yea I still can't forget that moment, in Jss3, as I manage to come out 3rd out of 23 my dad was so proud of me and he decided to get me some nice clothes and shoes, just to boast my morale..

Oh my Lawd, I felt like ja Rule that I decided to use the opportunity to show of and woo a very young and pretty lady of my age group in my area.

I wrote so many letters until this faithful day the girl has agreed to gv me a chance, my head got swollen that I couldn't wait to visit her in her place.
standing beside their window filling her head with those small small love rhymes I got from titanic and other movies, unknown to me that her mother was in the house listening...

Chaiiii the next thing I notice was a whole bucket of water on my body as I am completely drenched. and then she broke my head with the stainless bucket, asking me to go and call my mother.

I kept love aside, I went straight to call my mum for the last fight, but my mum asked me what happened? after telling her she and my dad laughed endlessly on top of my pains.

that was the very day I knew that the lady in question was my own "COUSIN"

Smart41:
When i slept in a drum from night till morning because of dog

Are you kidding me me?

Phunkyposh:
The second poster made me remembered sometimes in 2009 when I was returning from work one hot afternoon and I was pressed(I was purging earlier ) .....
MyGod, it was hell. Only to get home and realized no one was home.I was to get the spare key from Mumc from a not too far location.... I was walking fast and will slow down when the poo seem close.... Hot sweats were Mad over me.

MY STOMACH WAS RUMBLING AND RANTING. MY ANUS WAS UNDER PRESSURE. .I WAS DISORGANIZED.
Called Mum but she refused to come to me, rather she sent someone to give me the key....
No-one to share my ordeal with. (Aye le music comes to heart).

I TIPTOED, CRAWLED, RAN, WALKED UP .........**input all means of movement you know here** just to get home in time before Mr poo messes me

I got to the gate, unlocked the padlock......... The race from gate to the door..... Usain Bolt got nothing on me.....





That moment you let all out...... Then More hot sweat tickled down my body.
Lolxxxcccccc

My most recent was similar but I was sweating in chilling AC.

Enroute Lagos Island from Farrr Alimosho ... Lawd have mercy.... ...The rhythmic movement in my stomach pass DJ beats
It wasntt easy..
But it was worth it holding or else..... Embarrassment will be an understatement !!!

Survivor of stomach unsettlement and convenience matters
May I witness no more

Damm damn damn!! Lmfao

luminouz:
Ever had dysentery or is it diarrhea before in a bus from oshodi to toll gate(Agbado ijaye) ......I had n it was brutally nasty.....here goes
I went to a conference @ Eko Hotel n towers.... Had a lotta drink n food...... I was feeling full when one of d servers ( a cute dark geh like DAT) offered me a whole plate of rice....2 big turkey pieces n some salad...instead of me to keep till later.. I wolfed it all down.....was on d bus from island to oshodi when my tummy(had been behaving funny since morning coz I ate beans) started playing me some tunes...I ignored n it was controllable till I got to oshodi @7pm( u know Lagos traffic)
From oshodi to ijaye na DIE.......my tummy revolted n I spent virtually all my energies compressing my ASS while poo rhythmically swore to find a way thru..d consequence.....abnormal sweating!!!!!
D Lady sitting close to me noticed n was concerned...kept asking if I was alright...couldn't speak just nodded...all my power focused on d gravity defying.....tummy compress ignoring....all purpose fvck up giving... POO....
d poor thing thought I had malaria n was busy using a hankie to pat my face.
DAT day I cursed all d drivers causing holdup in Lagos.....I was half dead with exhaustion by d time d bus drew at my bustop!!!! I practically flew out n started running like a mad man looking for any place to drop d poo......
It wasn't funny coz some peeps thought something happened n a few started running too!Lmao!!!!! I knew I couldn't hold it any longer when I called a bike man..offered him a thousand bucks to carry me anywia I can deposit poo......dude was a pro.....n rode like hell for an eatery way past my house.....I barged in straight to d Loo.....n VOILÀ!!! Emptied my load in there... Spent like 30 mins inside......I felt like I just gave birth or something!!!! Bike man carried me home(nice guy)
I never got a chance to thank DAT nice geh in d bus...my only regret!!!

LMAO!!! Funniest so far.

trinity11:
Yea I still can't forget that moment, in Jss3, as I manage to come out 3rd out of 23 my dad was so proud of me and he decided to get me some nice clothes and shoes, just to boast my morale.

Oh my Lawd, I felt like ja Rule that I decided to use the opportunity to show of and woo a very young and pretty lady of my age group in my area.

I wrote so many letters until this faithful day the girl has agreed to gv me a chance, my head got swollen that I couldn't wait to visit her in her place.
standing beside their window filling her head with those small small love rhymes I got from titanic and other movies, unknown to me that her mother was in the house listening...

Chaiiii the next thing I notice was a whole bucket of water on my body as I am completely drenched. and then she broke my head with the stainless bucket, asking me to go and call my mother.

I kept love aside I went straight to call my mum for the last fight, but my mum asked me what happened. after telling her she and my dad laughed endlessly on top of my pains.

that was the very day I knew that the lady in question was my own "COUSIN"

Ooohhhhahaha lmfao!!!

kayo80:
LMAO!!! Funniest so far.

SwereGad!!! Lmfao

Articul8:
I used to have crush on my.mum's frnd. That woman fine no.be small. When ever she visited and take a drink i quickly go for the cup and drink in the same spot she drank.(trying to kiss her) i was about 10-11 yrs oo

Did you say 10 or 11

Baba you spoil come out from womb

PoisonedOne:
So many.
One happened on Tuesday. I was almost closed for work and have closed the door and left only the small one slightly open. My stomach has been rumbling since morning and I've been stifling myself from releasing some dangerous gasses into the environment and wouldn't want to endanger the life of the customers.

Na so I felt flatulence and decided to ease out and release some since the door is closed and I'm alone, that was when the devil decided to disgrace me and sent the man I respect the most into my office.
When I saw him I wanted to escape through the window but he had already seen me. As he forced his way in through the small opening. He got in but couldn't believe understand what was happening . I watched as he struggled to breathe but couldn't. The odour was more pungent than a rotten egg. He looked at me defeated and throttled back through the door with his eyes blinking intermittently. I thought he was losing consciousness.

I really don't know what to tell him. I've been avoiding his office. I don't know whether to go and apologize to him or to ask him what he wanted during the unfortunate visit.

Na Atomic bomb you release? lol!

saaddiction:
It was SS2 and there was this very cute transfer guy in my class. I was a very shy girl and I was never able to look at him directly when we talk. One day he shook my hand, I thought I would melt, I melted. I kept my hand closed for hours and when no one was watching, I opened my hand and kissed my palm. I did that till I got home, I even vowed not to wash my hands. I eventually did (almost cried) when I had to prove wrong my sister who had noticed my behaviour and kept teasing me about kissing my palm because a boy shook my hand (still wonder till date how she knew).

Sure it wasn't me?

Lmfao omo dis is the highest level of crush. Jezas!!

Comeandcollect:
The day i slept with a woman whose husband was in prison
She was preparing to leave her husband because she said he was domestically abusing her and while he was in prison, she agreed we start seeing so she was like its ok to come around our house. She introduced me to her 5 year old son and when it was bed time she practically raped me


The day i dated two women on the same day as our first dates

The first lady agreed to meet at 1pm while the second lady said she will finish work at 5pm so we can meet.

i was excited to meet the lady at 1pm and we went to her house, she showed me around and said she liked my shirt and dressing, she said if i continue to dress like that she would spend all her money on me shopping on clothes for me . We ordered some foods and ate together, she said she wanted a nap and right in front of me she took off he clothes, we started kissing. My blood was hot, i tried entering her gate but she refused. She said we just need to sleep next to each other and i can't enter inside which i found funny and weird.

Within a few hours, i started getting texts from the other lady that she was about leaving work, i hurriedly wore my trousers and kissed this other lady goodbye lol.

Sharp!!!

But kai

saaddiction:
It was SS2 and there was this very cute transfer guy in my class. I was a very shy girl and I was never able to look at him directly when we talk. One day he shook my hand, I thought I would melt, I melted. I kept my hand closed for hours and when no one was watching, I opened my hand and kissed my palm. I did that till I got home, I even vowed not to wash my hands. I eventually did (almost cried) when I had to prove wrong my sister who had noticed my behaviour and kept teasing me about kissing my palm because a boy shook my hand (still wonder till date how she knew).

I love reading stuff like this...it helps me come up with story ideas. Thanks for this comment.

Adebowale89:
like seriously past is a memory one cannot forget so quick

I remember one time on sunday, I wasn't given offering money. and the pastor be like everybody must come out from their sit. I've to fold my empty hand tight put hand inside the basket and dance on


I remember when I was in jss3 there is this lady I like but I've very serious fears to approach her. Later I decided to express myself thru a letter, I dropped the letter inside her locker during closing time, before she return bck to the class, I had left....I couldn't come to school for good 4days because of fears . i told mom I was ill, mom keep asking me when is this illness going to end after giving me all drugs of which I was pouring inside the dustbin

at the end, the loverboy lost the girl to the hand of a naughty guy

Hope you are no longer the shy type?

AkupeMBANO:
today is exactly 20years my Ex broke up with me for sharpening another girl's pencil in primary school.

Osheiiiittt!!

unclezuma:
I'd just finished a stressful meeting and on the way home I'd farted in an elevator at the top floor...and stepped out immediately afterwards to catch another one.

I cannot come and kii myself...I heard the story at the reception that something died inside the elevator.

https://i.imgur.com/bD02rmI.gif

Egbon, Hah na Soak away you carry for stomach

XaintJoel20:
Are you kidding me me?

Seriously oh

PoisonedOne:
So many.
One happened on Tuesday. I was almost closed for work and have closed the door and left only the small one slightly open. My stomach has been rumbling since morning and I've been stifling myself from releasing some dangerous gasses into the environment and wouldn't want to endanger the life of the customers.

Na so I felt flatulence and decided to ease out and release some since the door is closed and I'm alone, that was when the devil decided to disgrace me and sent the man I respect the most into my office.
When I saw him I wanted to escape through the window but he had already seen me. As he forced his way in through the small opening. He got in but couldn't believe understand what was happening . I watched as he struggled to breathe but couldn't. The odour was more pungent than a rotten egg. He looked at me defeated and throttled back through the door with his eyes blinking intermittently. I thought he was losing consciousness.

I really don't know what to tell him. I've been avoiding his office. I don't know whether to go and apologize to him or to ask him what he wanted during the unfortunate visit.

I had the best laughter in months reading your story. Boy! Over 5mins laughter. My neck and stomach ache already.
Thanks bro.

Haha

saaddiction:
It was SS2 and there was this very cute transfer guy in my class. I was a very shy girl and I was never able to look at him directly when we talk. One day he shook my hand, I thought I would melt, I melted. I kept my hand closed for hours and when no one was watching, I opened my hand and kissed my palm. I did that till I got home, I even vowed not to wash my hands. I eventually did (almost cried) when I had to prove wrong my sister who had noticed my behaviour and kept teasing me about kissing my palm because a boy shook my hand (still wonder till date how she knew).

simple.. Your sis once did it too