₦airaland Forum

doyinbaby:
my sister you have to prayerfully seek direction from God...God will strengthen you

Amen

Emerald557:
Thanks dangotesmummy, you know exactly how I feel inside

to be able to heal you have to leave that toxic environment you're living in for your sanity,mental and physical health and for you to regain your self esteem back

Emerald557:
Friends, how long will friends harbour/tolerate you with 2 children.
He has relations in Lagos but they are of the opinion that I die in his hands. They are on his side. The won't let me leave him.

The only solution now is to endure everything for a while if you have a lucrative job that pays you well then you need to start saving some money to secure an apartment for yourself and your kids or try go to your church and talk to your pastor about your predicament and see if they can help you and ask friends and family also may be you call back home for help, for them to assist you at least they won't want their daughter to die in one mans hand. This is why we have families ooo call them and tell them what you are going thru ooo

Emerald557:
The started when we were 3months into the marriage... Throughout marriage, if he has not beaten me, he has beaten me 10 times. He is a woman beater. He is a woman beater because just very recently, he beat up his sales girl's girlfriend in the name of disrespect. But hey don't men disrespect him? Y has he not thrown blow with them? The highest he will do with guys is quarrel. But women he beats and of course women will always be women.

if you don't have friends you can stay with why don't you want to stay with your parents till you get your own apartment? Abi do you want to die ?

Seems you're not ready to help yourself

He has wiped off your self esteem that you don't even have any iota of it left again.

Sorry ma'am, but you know what you gonna do.

The change begins with you.

Mskrisx:
TR1212....oh lawdy lawd! What is happening?? Madam pls run oooo chaiiii

You have come again o...

Op, God is your strength. I don't think I can say anything better than most reasonable people have said here. You are already taking care of yourself and kids while living with him. So you are risking your life now. Gather money like someone said and leave his house. But before th n, make sure his people and police are aware so he doesn't come for your kids. Run for your dear life o, RUN!

Why can't you get a lawyer ?
There used to be one org that helped people like you. I think it was Ms. debrief who posted their numbers and email a while ago.

@ emerald557,
From all that you have written about your husband, why do u still want to stay with him? I leave u with the question to answer for yourself.

You live and work in Lagos, that's a good start. You have a job.
The man does not give u money, u don't like the way he rapes u, beats u, hits u with the car u contributed in buying and u are still there? Do u want to die?

Please quietly rent a mini flat and move out with your kids. Your life will transform remarkably for the better without that man in it. All the negative energy from that relationship is killing u slowly both psychologically and physically. Leave and keep ur address a secret from him and his family. If u don't have money for rent, save some..That's y u have job. Give urself few months to save up and leave.

sorry to say this. you married a beast, not a man. run for your life. you need to be alive for those kids.

layzie:
@ emerald557,
From all that you have written about your husband, why do u still want to stay with him? I leave u with the question to answer for yourself.

You live and work in Lagos, that's a good start. You have a job.
The man does not give u money, u don't like the way he rapes u, beats u, hits u with the car u contributed in buying and u are still there? Do u want to die?

Please quietly rent a mini flat and move out with your kids. Your life will transform remarkably for the better without that man in it. All the negative energy from that relationship is killing u slowly both psychologically and physically. Leave and keep ur address a secret from him and his family. If u don't have money for rent, save some..That's y u have job. Give urself few months to save up and leave.

Thanks... It's almost impossible to save because of the expenses am running

Emerald557:
Thanks... It's almost impossible to save because of the expenses am running

Borrow from family, friends and colleagues if u can't save.
Plan ahead towards leaving. Let their be a time frame for u to arrange yourself.
But whatever u do, leave.
Stop all these excuses, cry out to your family and colleagues. They will lend u money to leave

sybarite7:
HE OVERPOWERED YOU AND HAD SEX WITH YOU,OFFENCE no1(RAPE).

HE BEATS YOU.OFFENCE no2(DOMESTIC VIOLENCE)

WITH WAT YOU WROTE,HE'S A SEX ADDICT,AND A WOMAN BEATER,SO MY SISTER PRAYER CANNOT DO EVERYTHING, EVEN THE BIBLE SAID,HEAVEN HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES...

YOU HAVE TO SEAT HIM DOWN AND TALK TO HIM,TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL,IF HE DOESN'T CONCUR,MY DEAR LOOK FOR A BETTER ALTERNATIVE TO STAY ALIVE

Regarding the emboldened, it is not in the bible

Someone posted this here sometime ago and I screengrabbed it... Maybe you can try reaching them for this domestic violence issue

madame,as it stands I want to say you married a brute of a man.And you're been adviced to run you say your marriage is only 3yeard,run to where.Would you rather he killed you before you run? Or has he not proved he could kill you?How long did you date yourselves before marriage? it appears you don't know the person you married.Or did you force yoursefe on him? I mean if you could answer these questions it would be possible to know how and why he turned this way.What of his family,father,moth er,brothers, as in you could report your experience with their son to them.What of the church,you could report him to your pastor if you people are Christians.
But I beg you don't say some options are no go areas if you want to be alive to train your children.

DukeNija:
Nawa o. How did you end up marrying this man? Didn't you see the signs? Didn't you date him for a while cos im really not understanding this level of hatred he has for his own family. Young family for that matter. This is not ordinary o.

You asked the questions that came to my mind. How some people end up in abusive marriage is unthinkable. Were the signs not there Or you chose to ignore them @OP?

OCTAVO:
You asked the questions that came to my mind. How some people end up in abusive marriage is unthinkable. Were the signs not there Or you chose to ignore them @OP?

The signs weren't there at all.... We had a distant relationship, throughout courtship I visited him like 3 times and they were short visit... So I just couldn't see all this bad side of him

[quote author=laka2016 post=56769626]madame,as it stands I want to say you married a brute of a man.And you're been adviced to run you say your marriage is only 3yeard,run to where.Would you rather he killed you before you run? Or has he not proved he could kill you?How long did you date yourselves before marriage? it appears you don't know the person you married.Or did you force yoursefe on him? I mean if you could answer these questions it would be possible to know how and why he turned this way.What of his family,father,moth er,brothers, as in you could report your experience with their son to them.What of the church,you could report him to your pastor if you people are Christians.
But I beg you don't say some options are no go areas if you want to be alive to train your children.[/

His mum, brothers and sisters are on his side. He gives them one thousand and one ingenuine reasons why he does his evil deeds.

Emerald557:
My marriage is 3years as we speak with 2 kids(a boy and a girl). I took in for my daughter when my son was 1 year 3 months old. Now when I told my hubby I was pregnant, there is nothing he did not say or do to me, he said that he has people looking up to him and I am bringing extra burden on him. ((This is a man that agreed with me that we will have 3 kids God willing)) throughout my pregnancy he tormented me to the point that he wanted me dead with the pregnancy or that I miscarried the pregnancy or that I die with the pregnancy.He told people that I always disturbed him for s*x and that I planned the pregnancy. I fought to stay alive for my son. He beat me twice with the pregnancy on one occasion he blinded me in an eye from a punch from him for one week I didn't go to work, my job was astake. I kept praying and hoping I sailed through this pregnancy. On another occasion I needed to go out to my school's graduation with my son considering that i was heavy and am going with my son who is less than 2 years old, so i needed to go with the car (we both contributed money to buy(the family's car)) and we had both talked about my going with the car for my graduation the previous day, only for him to take the car keys and zoomed off to the car when I was ready with my son to go out. I tried to remind him about what we agreed on, he said and I quote "if you don't get out of there, I will jam you with the car", I was perplexed, still looking at him, he entered the car drove it and hit me with the car. Came out, slapped me and went back into the car and he said that he will kill me and marry another woman. It then dawned on me that he wants me dead. I had to start threading with caution knowing that am alone in this world, with my son and with pregnancy. I became more prayerful and I paid alot of sacrifices to stay alive. Sacrifices in the sense that I never demand for money from him as that will infuriate him to pounce on me. From the start of the pregnancy to baby items, hospital list, hospital bills after delivery till date I never asked him for money and he never used his mind to help out with money. I promised myself never to ask him for money again, I spend my money when am in need and I don't have money, I borrow. In the midst of this saga, he was always having s*x with me whenever he wants to, which mouth will I use to say no. And most of the time, he gets rough really rough during s*x so as to make me miscarry. Prior to this pregnancy I never refuse him s*x, even when I am too tired. When I am sick, he wants s*x, I tell him I can't because I am not well, he will force me. We can quarrel throughout the day and not talk to each other, but at night he must have "his" s*x. I tell him am not safe, he will tell me he will withdraw until I got pregnant for my daughter. Now I have put to bed. My son is 2yrs 4months and my daughter is 5months. I pay my bills and my kids bills and now he wants more sex. I can't do family planning for personal reasons. I plead with him to use condom, he says he won't that he does not like it. He uses withdrawal method which we both know doesn't work, and then I refuse him sometimes but still he over powers me and gets his s*x. I fear I will get pregnant again. Now he is threatening, raining fire and brimstone over s*x. That he will bring in a woman who will drive me out of the house. Please I need your candid advice on what to do. I am going crazy

And tomorrow, if these kids he has stylishly abandoned refuse to have any dealings with him when they become independent adults; the same him will start wailing that the mom has poisoned the minds of the children against him.

Madam, I really don't know what better advise to give you. Thank God you even have a job to sustain yourself & cater for the kids.

Emerald557:
My marriage is 3years as we speak with 2 kids(a boy and a girl). I took in for my daughter when my son was 1 year 3 months old. Now when I told my hubby I was pregnant, there is nothing he did not say or do to me, he said that he has people looking up to him and I am bringing extra burden on him. ((This is a man that agreed with me that we will have 3 kids God willing)) throughout my pregnancy he tormented me to the point that he wanted me dead with the pregnancy or that I miscarried the pregnancy or that I die with the pregnancy.He told people that I always disturbed him for s*x and that I planned the pregnancy. I fought to stay alive for my son. He beat me twice with the pregnancy on one occasion he blinded me in an eye from a punch from him for one week I didn't go to work, my job was astake. I kept praying and hoping I sailed through this pregnancy. On another occasion I needed to go out to my school's graduation with my son considering that i was heavy and am going with my son who is less than 2 years old, so i needed to go with the car (we both contributed money to buy(the family's car)) and we had both talked about my going with the car for my graduation the previous day, only for him to take the car keys and zoomed off to the car when I was ready with my son to go out. I tried to remind him about what we agreed on, he said and I quote "if you don't get out of there, I will jam you with the car", I was perplexed, still looking at him, he entered the car drove it and hit me with the car. Came out, slapped me and went back into the car and he said that he will kill me and marry another woman. It then dawned on me that he wants me dead. I had to start threading with caution knowing that am alone in this world, with my son and with pregnancy. I became more prayerful and I paid alot of sacrifices to stay alive. Sacrifices in the sense that I never demand for money from him as that will infuriate him to pounce on me. From the start of the pregnancy to baby items, hospital list, hospital bills after delivery till date I never asked him for money and he never used his mind to help out with money. I promised myself never to ask him for money again, I spend my money when am in need and I don't have money, I borrow. In the midst of this saga, he was always having s*x with me whenever he wants to, which mouth will I use to say no. And most of the time, he gets rough really rough during s*x so as to make me miscarry. Prior to this pregnancy I never refuse him s*x, even when I am too tired. When I am sick, he wants s*x, I tell him I can't because I am not well, he will force me. We can quarrel throughout the day and not talk to each other, but at night he must have "his" s*x. I tell him am not safe, he will tell me he will withdraw until I got pregnant for my daughter. Now I have put to bed. My son is 2yrs 4months and my daughter is 5months. I pay my bills and my kids bills and now he wants more sex. I can't do family planning for personal reasons. I plead with him to use condom, he says he won't that he does not like it. He uses withdrawal method which we both know doesn't work, and then I refuse him sometimes but still he over powers me and gets his s*x. I fear I will get pregnant again. Now he is threatening, raining fire and brimstone over s*x. That he will bring in a woman who will drive me out of the house. Please I need your candid advice on what to do. I am going crazy

And tomorrow, if these kids he has stylishly abandoned refuse to have any dealings with him when they become independent adults; the same him will start wailing that the mom has poisoned the minds of the children against him.

Madam, I really don't know what better advise to give you. Thank God you even have job to sustain yourself & cater for the kids.

Emerald557:
I just can't

Madam are you a Catholic?
What help do you really need? You don't want to do family planning, you don't want to leave your abusive and rapist husband and at the same time you don't want a mistress. What exactly do you want to hear?

Emerald557:
My marriage is 3years as we speak with 2 kids(a boy and a girl). I took in for my daughter when my son was 1 year 3 months old. Now when I told my hubby I was pregnant, there is nothing he did not say or do to me, he said that he has people looking up to him and I am bringing extra burden on him. ((This is a man that agreed with me that we will have 3 kids God willing)) throughout my pregnancy he tormented me to the point that he wanted me dead with the pregnancy or that I miscarried the pregnancy or that I die with the pregnancy.He told people that I always disturbed him for s*x and that I planned the pregnancy. I fought to stay alive for my son. He beat me twice with the pregnancy on one occasion he blinded me in an eye from a punch from him for one week I didn't go to work, my job was astake. I kept praying and hoping I sailed through this pregnancy. On another occasion I needed to go out to my school's graduation with my son considering that i was heavy and am going with my son who is less than 2 years old, so i needed to go with the car (we both contributed money to buy(the family's car)) and we had both talked about my going with the car for my graduation the previous day, only for him to take the car keys and zoomed off to the car when I was ready with my son to go out. I tried to remind him about what we agreed on, he said and I quote "if you don't get out of there, I will jam you with the car", I was perplexed, still looking at him, he entered the car drove it and hit me with the car. Came out, slapped me and went back into the car and he said that he will kill me and marry another woman. It then dawned on me that he wants me dead. I had to start threading with caution knowing that am alone in this world, with my son and with pregnancy. I became more prayerful and I paid alot of sacrifices to stay alive. Sacrifices in the sense that I never demand for money from him as that will infuriate him to pounce on me. From the start of the pregnancy to baby items, hospital list, hospital bills after delivery till date I never asked him for money and he never used his mind to help out with money. I promised myself never to ask him for money again, I spend my money when am in need and I don't have money, I borrow. In the midst of this saga, he was always having s*x with me whenever he wants to, which mouth will I use to say no. And most of the time, he gets rough really rough during s*x so as to make me miscarry. Prior to this pregnancy I never refuse him s*x, even when I am too tired. When I am sick, he wants s*x, I tell him I can't because I am not well, he will force me. We can quarrel throughout the day and not talk to each other, but at night he must have "his" s*x. I tell him am not safe, he will tell me he will withdraw until I got pregnant for my daughter. Now I have put to bed. My son is 2yrs 4months and my daughter is 5months. I pay my bills and my kids bills and now he wants more sex. I can't do family planning for personal reasons. I plead with him to use condom, he says he won't that he does not like it. He uses withdrawal method which we both know doesn't work, and then I refuse him sometimes but still he over powers me and gets his s*x. I fear I will get pregnant again. Now he is threatening, raining fire and brimstone over s*x. That he will bring in a woman who will drive me out of the house. Please I need your candid advice on what to do. I am going crazy

What is wrong with Nigerian women? Why do we subject ourselves to endless abuse from men who call themselves our husbands all in the name of marriage? Madam, your husband assaulted you and almost blinded you and you are still in his house?

Emerald557:
Friends, how long will friends harbour/tolerate you with 2 children.
He has relations in Lagos but they are of the opinion that I die in his hands. They are on his side. The won't let me leave him.

Like it or not, you have a choice. You work, and cater for your kids alone. What else then? If you are determined to leave, you will. You Wyn too much. Can you please be proactive. No one here can truly help you. If he kills you, no one here can do nothing bout it.

You are able to pay your bills and your children's bills. It means you are also able to pay for a self contained room. If you stay with your husband, you may lose your life. I always say, there is no shortage of men, just a shortage of good ones.

Things are happening in this institution called marriage

Emerald557:
My marriage is just 3 years.... Run to where

Sometimes I just wonder if some stories we read on nairaland are fake. Madam, do you understand what is meant by emotional and physical abuse?

You are being raped, beaten, and tortured and the only thing on your mind is how to save your marriage?

Smh, I wish u happy married life

It is well with you. My first advice will be for you to go and do family planning or at least find a more effective way to prevent pregnancy for now. I even have a feeling your hubby wants you to do family planning which you keep turning down. I hope ur reasons will help you when the 3rd , 4th, 5th, 6th enters. Is this what you want? Which husband will be happy with this? I condemn his bad behaviour but if you want to stay happily in that marriage, start with trying to manage timing for childbirth cos its obvious it was a contributing factor to the increase in his anger. Meanwhile, take care of you. Safety of life first. If you still feel unsafe there, move out ooo.

Prettiepearlz:
Madam are you a Catholic?
What help do you really need? You don't want to do family planning, you don't your abusive and rapist husband and at the same time you don't want a mistress. What exactly do you want to hear?

I can leave him, i never said i cant leave him,he can go ahead and have fun with his mistress

Prettiepearlz:
Madam are you a Catholic?
What help do you really need? You don't want to do family planning, you don't your abusive and rapist husband and at the same time you don't want a mistress. What exactly do you want to hear?

Don't mind her! Every advice and action plan has been met with opposition and excuses. It is obvious the poster has no intention of doing anything to change her situation and just opened this thread to vent and have a pity party. I'm just sad for the kids involved.

ivyy:
Like it or not, you have a choice. You work, and cater for your kids alone. What else then? If you are determined to leave, you will. You Wyn too much. Can you please be proactive. No one here can truly help you. If he kills you, no one here can do nothing bout it.

if he kills her, na burial things na.
She value d marriage more than herself n kids.

elektra:
Don't mind her! Every advice and action plan has been met with opposition and excuses. It is obvious the poster has no intention of doing anything to change her situation and just opened this thread to vent and have a pity party. I'm just sad for the kids involved.

The OP is looking for pity and quite a number of posts have given her.

Some wives actually wear their husbands' brutish attitude proudly as battle scars. Afterall, only one lucky enough to be married have them.

Like byvan & I would say, almost everyone have the instinct of self-preservation; when she feels endangered, she will know what to do.

Till then, goodluck.

Emerald557:
My marriage is just 3 years.... Run to where

What do you mean by "run to where".
You obviously do not need help.
I saw this story on facebook and felt it was all fiction and refuse to comment.
Madam I think you're comfortable with your condition.
How can you say "family planning is a form of abortion" (her response on fb)
You don't want to leave him. You dont want family planning. You still foot his bills.
You just want pity. Ok you are pitied.
Enjoy your marriage

DukeNija:
Nawa o. How did you end up marrying this man? Didn't you see the signs? Didn't you date him for a while cos im really not understanding this level of hatred he has for his own family. Young family for that matter. This is not ordinary o.

they always like "bad boys" na... I rarely feel sorry for women in a situation like this? You know why? An average Nigerian woman do not like a guy who over pamper them, they see you as weakling, immature, kid, pest and just name it. They always prefer the opposite even though they announce that they want attention and love. Bros, Na big lie!!!