₦airaland Forum

Medunah:
I don't agree with the maiden name thing, at all!

So when a girl gets married, her old male friends can't refer to her by her maiden name again?? Doesn't make sense!

I would find it very awkward if my male friends start referring to me as sis, madam or whatever just because I got married....

Is it only ladies that cause the problems that destroy the marriage? Cos ur list doesn't refer to the guys too, Not only ladies do all those stuffs, men do them too.​

Toks2008:
You really need to read that point again.

KemjikaEme:
That you created a thread that made the front thread doesn't mean your opinion is right and shared by all and sundry.
Give people the space to submit their views and reviews without choking them with unnecessary mentions and replies(mostly myopic),it defects the purpose of the thread at the end of the day.
It's great that you acknowledge that it's largely 'misorgynist' and tilted to project women to be responsible for a dysfunctional union,not everyone subscribe to same opinion.
Past friends and colleagues referring to a woman with a maiden name is what's obtainable in reality because that's what they are familar with,it doesn't infer with the woman's marital status.
A father's name has never stopped a woman from achieving relative success in her marriage.

iAmGee770:
You deserve a create of Goldberg for write up. I clap for you join

Jahmblinqz:
Did you read d title at all??

itzzhoneybee:
I agree with every other point
ladies u don't have to take it personally its a write up on females its just an advice so u either take it or leave it nobody is imposing anything on anybody and its not by force to read it either.

Medunah:
A political position is different from marital status!!!!!!!!!

Nnachuka:
to tango

Toks2008:
Will you just please hush it?

So in your warped mind you really think you are making sense when indeed you are only showcasing chronic act of troll

I'm a sapiosexual and your likes I pray never to come across in my lifetime.

You just barged in with insults and you call that opinion...if that is your definition of contrary opinion then I really give up on you.

In the real sane intellectual world,you table your points in a non abusive and sentimental manner and only then can it be called an opinion.

You don't come to my thread to start writing Gilberish thinking you are showcasing your grammertical prowess.

Discuss intelligently or sit and read comments from sound minds.

I will not do you the honor of responding to you again.

TheUmbra:
What kind of informal gathering? We're talking about a proper, dignified way of addressing a married individual and you're hitting on informal gathering.

In an informal gathering of like gender of course a married individual can be addressed by his/her first name or nickname. But across gender it is wrong and very suggestive.

Now you watch movies, I believe. What makes you think when a man has some romantic intentions towards a woman but the woman is so polite as to address the man as Mr/Sir, the man always would insist on "please call me John", for example?

He's simply setting the first blocks that errects an improper or romantic relationship. For married individuals it is vital within his/her office environment or any other gathering he/she is addressed properly in a way that his/her marital status is duely acknowledged by the opposite sex.

It doesn't matter how permissive our world has become and how many people swap good values for inferior fad in the spirit of feeling "modern", there're still people who look at uncomfortable truth in the eye and call it by its true name.

KemjikaEme:
People in this 21st century believe that when former male acquintances use a woman's maiden name it can automatically endanger the woman's marriage.
Such a backward,regressive and moronic point of view!!

eyinjuege:
To be honest with you, no one gives a rat's behind about your /other's marital status.
You tend to see men with no morals everywhere, who can't see a lady and not think of having an affair with her.
Are you one of such?
Who cares if you're married in the workplace? Just get your bl**dy work done effectively and don't draw the team back because of your incompetence or family life.
If you're address as Mr or Mrs Somebody in public, will that stop you from being toasted and even agreeing to an affair in private despite being married?
Better don't deceive yourself.
We have seen married employees, even employer-employees having affairs and still maintaining a proper formal relationship in public, no contact with each other sef at work. Yet, after work they roll together.

emorse:
This is not to deride you or anything but the bolded makes no sense at all from where I stand. Ambode's friend will call him by his first name (probably Akin). Or even by a very funny nickname. All that formality about first names waters down friendship.

Just before you ask, I was with a group of friends (all married) from way back secondary school and we all called one another by the funniest nicknames we could remember. It was mad fun all through.

Toks2008:
13.Taking the job of a full housewife.

As you can clearly deduce,being a full housewife is a big job because those who babysit get paid so I quite understand how demanding this can be but nevertheless,don't settle for that,no matter how demanding the task of keeping the home front can be, still do something to be financially independent. Your husband may tell you he does not want you to work promising to provide all your needs but we both know he really can't do that without asking funny questions from you when you demand for money so it is important to have something doing so that the financial pressure will be less on your husband and you can also be self reliant.Being financially independent can also come in handy if your hubby faces any financial crises so take this advise seriously because financial pressure is a great destroyer of marriage.

I don't know if these makes sense.

Toks2008:
We all know that men sometimes can be very overbearing and sometimes responsible for some actions their wives take but nevertheless,women must understand that marriage is a great,decent and sacred institution that must be treated with utmost respect and guided with all sense of decency.

To be frank,there are some silly things some married ladies do that do not show any form of respect to them,their men and their marriage.
These are things that need to be avoided by the lady irrespective of whatever excuse they may have.

I have had many friends who have been married and some are divorced and after discussing with them,i have come to realize that some of these women were infact the architect of their failed marriages and i will try to elucidate on some of the awkward things ladies do that break up their marriages.

1. Poor communication:

In every relationship we find ourselves,communication is vital. No one is a mind reader and no matter what it may be that could be a reason for your unhappiness,speak out immediately in a stern manner and not laikadaisically.
Many women are found of calling their hubby's relatives to complain about certain issues meanwhile the hubby at home does not have an idea of how hurting they are concerning that issue.

2. Sharing their marital issue with a male admirer/friend.

Not every guy you know is responsible. We have some low lives that has no regard for any form of decency and it is no news that many guys are in this category.
When you discuss your marital issues with an admirer or a male friend,most times what these guys hear is "im vulnurable,i need you as a succor". This is why most times,when a married woman take solace in a male friend,the end result is usually an illicit affair.

3. Being careless with male friends.

I have always maintained that there is nothing like just friends between a married woman and another man.
If he is not your childhood friend,co-worker,co-student,business partner then you have no business with him.
Many married ladies have a careless habit of keeping male friends indiscriminately and worst still get so careless allowing these guys call them by their maiden names.

I will never call a married lady by her maiden name because just as the name suggests,its her unmarried name but will rather put Mrs,sis,madam.

When a married lady is called by her maiden name,it diminishes as well as tarnishes her respect,image and matrimony giving room for a potential unethical relationship between her and the "just male friends".

4. Seeking vengeance.

Many married lady tend to take some actions in order to prove to their hubby that a sauce for the goose is also ok for the gander but unfortunately this will destroy your marriage more.

When you take a revenge on your hubby by sleeping with another man because he cheats on you,of what use will that be to you?

What value will that add to your life?
Learn to maintain your dignity no matter what because at the end,the shame will all come back to you and as I always reiterate. ..nobody can make you do what you are not capable of doing.

5. Talking down on your hubby.

This is one foolish mistake many ladies do. You and your hubby are one and talking down on him means talking down on yourself. It is one thing to voice out what he did and another to use outright abusive words on him.

In situations where a couple seperates,some ladies will not mind talking down on their hubby with a friend,their family and even with male suitors and i keep wondering if the woman thinks this will earn her any form of respect.

If you call your hubby a sick man then what does that make you? Or you call your hubby an asshole then it takes an asshole to tango with such a man.

No matter how angry you may be,don't ever rule out reconcilation and even if you are never going to reconcile,respect your matrimony with him even if he deserves no respect from you.

6.Moving out of their matrimonial home hastily over an avoidable reason.

What excuse do you have for running out of your marriage?
He cheated on you,he does not give you attention,he took you for granted,he curses you and many more are the excuses married ladies hold on to and i keep asking this one question;
Will leaving solve the problem? Even a divorce is not a way out because its a 50/50 chance that the next man won't be worse so i advice that you confront that problem and try your best to solve it.

7. Believing there is always a better man out there.

This is one foolish thing married ladies believe. That they will get a better replacement.There are more than enough never married ladies out there for the unmarried guys so you will do yourself a great honor by sticking to your husband.

There is really no better man out there and except you are faced with an unrepentant violent man,please remain in your marriage because you will soon realize that its the same cycle we all go through in any union we find ourselves and there will always be one reason to leave any man you are married to.

Many women divorcees realize this too late as they end up as a toy in the hands of randy men,as second wife,or end up single for a long time as many men will believe they are doing them a big favour by wanting to be with them.

If you must throw in the towel on your marriage,make sure you have exhausted all means of reconciliation because i keep saying that it is better to be single at 40 than to be a divorcee at 20 and a 40 year old single lady is more maritally appealing than a 20year old divorcee,funny but true so think very well before you run out of your marriage.

8.Sharing their marital issues with single female friends..

Like seriously! it may surprise you to know that most of your friends who are still single are not happy that you are married so take your marital problem to them at your own risk.

9.Not looking sexy enough.

If our sultry actress Omotola jalade is looking this sexy after three children then tell me why you can't look sexy too.

Laziness is one big problem with most married ladies.Men get carried away by what they see so do yourself a favour, get that big tummy down and get into crazy bum shorts and flaunt that thing.

We know you cant maintain that sexy look we saw the very first time we met you but at least try your best to look sexy for the next 30years for us after marriage.

10. Never sorry.

Many women are so proud,egocentric and sturbborn to the extent that when they do or say things that are conspicously wrong,they will never or hardly apologize but rather would want to buttress the rationale behind their actions and most men see this as an appalling nature. Be quick to apologize even when you are right..men are naturally egocentric hence the need to bring down your ego to avoid the case of two men married to each other.

11.Geting insecure and monitoring her husband

I have always advised married women to let their men be. Believe whatever he says even when it is clear that he is lieng.The moment you start getting overly jealous,suspicious is the moment you begin to lose your self worth. Don't bother whether he is faithful or not but sternly tell him to play safe if he must be unfaithful and warn him to do it far from you cos what the eyes do not see do not hurt. Yes this sounds crazy but trust me,it works like magic because the husband will likely be on his toes and respect you the more. Remember that a man will always be a man and you can never monitor him.

12.Not good enough in the kitchen and the other room: .

If you are a married lady reading this please don't ever joke with these two places because any woman who knows how to use these two places will most likely have her husband where she wants him cos the way to a man's heart is forever through his stomach and down there.

13.Taking the job of a full housewife.

As you can clearly deduce,being a full housewife is a big job because those who babysit get paid so I quite understand how demanding this can be but nevertheless,don't settle for that,no matter how demanding the task of keeping the home front can be, still do something to be financially independent. Your husband may tell you he does not want you to work promising to provide all your needs but we both know he really can't do that without asking funny questions from you when you demand for money so it is important to have something doing so that the financial pressure will be less on your husband and you can also be self reliant.Being financially independent can also come in handy if your hubby faces any financial crises so take this advise seriously because financial pressure is a great destroyer of marriage.

I don't know if these makes sense.

TheUmbra:
Addressing a married individual properly may not offer complete proof for marriage but it's a good start and a gesture that honours the marriage institution.

I think your moral elasticity has finally gave to the continuous barrage of a world fastly on decay. How convenient for you to put material gains over sound moral principles.

It speaks well of your priorities - material acquisition first even at the expense of the sanctity of matrimony.

KemjikaEme:
People in this 21st century believe that when former male acquintances use a woman's maiden name it can automatically endanger the woman's marriage.
Such a backward,regressive and moronic point of view!!

rossyc:
I disagree with you on the maiden name ish...Whether her friends(male friends) calls her by her maiden name or not holds no water besides that's the name she has been known with, it has nothing to do with a marriage been destroyed..

Toks2008:
I still wonder why this is difficult for them to decipher.

Toks2008:
We all know that men sometimes can be very overbearing and sometimes responsible for some actions their wives take but nevertheless,women must understand that marriage is a great,decent and sacred institution that must be treated with utmost respect and guided with all sense of decency.

To be frank,there are some silly things some married ladies do that do not show any form of respect to them,their men and their marriage.
These are things that need to be avoided by the lady irrespective of whatever excuse they may have.

I have had many friends who have been married and some are divorced and after discussing with them,i have come to realize that some of these women were infact the architect of their failed marriages and i will try to elucidate on some of the awkward things ladies do that break up their marriages.

1. Poor communication:

In every relationship we find ourselves,communication is vital. No one is a mind reader and no matter what it may be that could be a reason for your unhappiness,speak out immediately in a stern manner and not laikadaisically.
Many women are found of calling their hubby's relatives to complain about certain issues meanwhile the hubby at home does not have an idea of how hurting they are concerning that issue.

2. Sharing their marital issue with a male admirer/friend.

Not every guy you know is responsible. We have some low lives that has no regard for any form of decency and it is no news that many guys are in this category.
When you discuss your marital issues with an admirer or a male friend,most times what these guys hear is "im vulnurable,i need you as a succor". This is why most times,when a married woman take solace in a male friend,the end result is usually an illicit affair.

3. Being careless with male friends.

I have always maintained that there is nothing like just friends between a married woman and another man.
If he is not your childhood friend,co-worker,co-student,business partner then you have no business with him.
Many married ladies have a careless habit of keeping male friends indiscriminately and worst still get so careless allowing these guys call them by their maiden names.

I will never call a married lady by her maiden name because just as the name suggests,its her unmarried name but will rather put Mrs,sis,madam.

When a married lady is called by her maiden name,it diminishes as well as tarnishes her respect,image and matrimony giving room for a potential unethical relationship between her and the "just male friends".

4. Seeking vengeance.

Many married lady tend to take some actions in order to prove to their hubby that a sauce for the goose is also ok for the gander but unfortunately this will destroy your marriage more.

When you take a revenge on your hubby by sleeping with another man because he cheats on you,of what use will that be to you?

What value will that add to your life?
Learn to maintain your dignity no matter what because at the end,the shame will all come back to you and as I always reiterate. ..nobody can make you do what you are not capable of doing.

5. Talking down on your hubby.

This is one foolish mistake many ladies do. You and your hubby are one and talking down on him means talking down on yourself. It is one thing to voice out what he did and another to use outright abusive words on him.

In situations where a couple seperates,some ladies will not mind talking down on their hubby with a friend,their family and even with male suitors and i keep wondering if the woman thinks this will earn her any form of respect.

If you call your hubby a sick man then what does that make you? Or you call your hubby an asshole then it takes an asshole to tango with such a man.

No matter how angry you may be,don't ever rule out reconcilation and even if you are never going to reconcile,respect your matrimony with him even if he deserves no respect from you.

6.Moving out of their matrimonial home hastily over an avoidable reason.

What excuse do you have for running out of your marriage?
He cheated on you,he does not give you attention,he took you for granted,he curses you and many more are the excuses married ladies hold on to and i keep asking this one question;
Will leaving solve the problem? Even a divorce is not a way out because its a 50/50 chance that the next man won't be worse so i advice that you confront that problem and try your best to solve it.

7. Believing there is always a better man out there.

This is one foolish thing married ladies believe. That they will get a better replacement.There are more than enough never married ladies out there for the unmarried guys so you will do yourself a great honor by sticking to your husband.

There is really no better man out there and except you are faced with an unrepentant violent man,please remain in your marriage because you will soon realize that its the same cycle we all go through in any union we find ourselves and there will always be one reason to leave any man you are married to.

Many women divorcees realize this too late as they end up as a toy in the hands of randy men,as second wife,or end up single for a long time as many men will believe they are doing them a big favour by wanting to be with them.

If you must throw in the towel on your marriage,make sure you have exhausted all means of reconciliation because i keep saying that it is better to be single at 40 than to be a divorcee at 20 and a 40 year old single lady is more maritally appealing than a 20year old divorcee,funny but true so think very well before you run out of your marriage.

8.Sharing their marital issues with single female friends..

Like seriously! it may surprise you to know that most of your friends who are still single are not happy that you are married so take your marital problem to them at your own risk.

9.Not looking sexy enough.

If our sultry actress Omotola jalade is looking this sexy after three children then tell me why you can't look sexy too.

Laziness is one big problem with most married ladies.Men get carried away by what they see so do yourself a favour, get that big tummy down and get into crazy bum shorts and flaunt that thing.

We know you cant maintain that sexy look we saw the very first time we met you but at least try your best to look sexy for the next 30years for us after marriage.

10. Never sorry.

Many women are so proud,egocentric and sturbborn to the extent that when they do or say things that are conspicously wrong,they will never or hardly apologize but rather would want to buttress the rationale behind their actions and most men see this as an appalling nature. Be quick to apologize even when you are right..men are naturally egocentric hence the need to bring down your ego to avoid the case of two men married to each other.

11.Geting insecure and monitoring her husband

I have always advised married women to let their men be. Believe whatever he says even when it is clear that he is lieng.The moment you start getting overly jealous,suspicious is the moment you begin to lose your self worth. Don't bother whether he is faithful or not but sternly tell him to play safe if he must be unfaithful and warn him to do it far from you cos what the eyes do not see do not hurt. Yes this sounds crazy but trust me,it works like magic because the husband will likely be on his toes and respect you the more. Remember that a man will always be a man and you can never monitor him.

12.Not good enough in the kitchen and the other room: .

If you are a married lady reading this please don't ever joke with these two places because any woman who knows how to use these two places will most likely have her husband where she wants him cos the way to a man's heart is forever through his stomach and down there.

13.Taking the job of a full housewife.

As you can clearly deduce,being a full housewife is a big job because those who babysit get paid so I quite understand how demanding this can be but nevertheless,don't settle for that,no matter how demanding the task of keeping the home front can be, still do something to be financially independent. Your husband may tell you he does not want you to work promising to provide all your needs but we both know he really can't do that without asking funny questions from you when you demand for money so it is important to have something doing so that the financial pressure will be less on your husband and you can also be self reliant.Being financially independent can also come in handy if your hubby faces any financial crises so take this advise seriously because financial pressure is a great destroyer of marriage.

I don't know if these makes sense.

Toks2008:
Aunty we now know you can write Wole Soyinka type of English but biko please next time try to calm down,read and comprehend before making comments cos all you wrote corroborate my point.

First that point was actually referring to male friends of the lady WHO ARE AWARE that she is married calling her the maiden name PUBLICLY.

I don't know why many people are too hasty to lambast and counter a write up without first comprehending.

I guess I should really start ignoring some comments henceforth.

thotianna:
I don't know why women keep responding to TOKS2008 threads as if he is normal. The guy is suffering from bitterness and hatred of women because of what his ex wife did to him before their marriage ended. These threads are just his avenue to get revenge on her and other women who have hurt his feelings. He knows what he is doing.
He isn't trying to advice women, he is releasing venom and hatred in his heart towards women.

Just pity him and pray for him if you can and move on.

Luvdk:
We don suffer
See list oh