₦airaland Forum

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

dowjones:
But why? I'm curious to know why men marry terrible women. How does it even happen

This same thing is happening to a friend's brother. MTN collapse has made the man a little broke but the wife has tens of millions in the account won't provide one naira.

Even their kids have been in Nigeria since last year because they can't pay school fees on the UK. Which she forced the husband to take them to.

Can you share with me why you actually married her in the first place?

lalanice:
I know very much that men are emotionally abused, I even have a crazy neighbour here that is trying to ruin her husbands life. but this story just seems like a repeated story with more juice

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

lisbonabdulahi:
thanks, but the cost of that perseverance though

PreyingMantis:
Always on the first page. Always the first to rush to the kitchen to dish out food they cant/didn't cook. Most of you Nairaland half-baked and insincere counselors might actually be worse than the nasty stories we're regaled with on a daily basis on this forum.

Billyonaire:
@ lisbonabdulahi

Listen friend, Please pay attention to what I am going to tell you and this is for your own good. If not, I can assure you, we will lose you.

You are married to a Narcissistic woman. She has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is a mental disorder. A bruised Soul destroyed by Childhood of lovelessness.

If 80% of the traits I am about to list below occurs in your marriage, then what you should be doing is finding a way your kids can live far away from your wife.

1. She gives excessive attention to her beauty.
2. She never apologizes.
3. She says she is not a slave in your house and lures you to help in the kitchen.
4. She leaves home to hang out and comes home at her will.
5. She depends on you for every of her need and if she offers a gift to others, she complains how they may not use it well.
6. She says without her, you are nothing.
7. She monitors your finances and saves part of it and call it hers.
8. If you own a house, she says it is hers too.
9. She calls you my husband when she desires things from you.
10. If you guys quarrel she locks herself in a room and remains there and you are the one to apologize.
11. She complains that you take care of your own family and corners some stuff to her own family except she hates them.
12. She cries real tears even when she is at fault.
13. She blames others for everything and nothing is ever her fault.

I would have typed more, but I havent got much time. But if your wife exhibits 80% of the above characteristics then I have news for you.

She can not be helped.
She is not even aware of the fact that she is hurting others.
She believes she is the victim.

The solution is RUN. It is complicated with kids involved. No househelp will ever satisfy her, she nags the hell out of everyone.


When I read from you I will tell you the nature of her Soul. These entities locate Empaths like you. Charitable people. They hook you and the convert your love energy to negative energies that entities feed on without being aware.


These are different soul archetypes. The fight and flight mechanism of these people got activated in childhood mostly from broken homes and abusive childhoods so they stopped growing emotional. So they are emotional babies even at old age they behave like their spouse owes them entitlements. They are mostly parasitic in nature and she will leave you the moment you run out of her supplies. All they know is what to get from you and not what to give. And they have to give, they try to control the person they give anything to.

You have done great so far, but she will never change. Get a househelp and stop financing her fantasies, use the cash to hire a househelp to take care of the kids. And I beg you cut off the love, cos I am sorry to say, they do not love truly. They only mimic your emotions. They are not capable of loving.

I will write about the spiritual angle to narcissism and why the Churches can not exorcise them, except ofcourse only tapping into Christ Consciousness can the Galactic Federation help you cut off the Soul contract you had with the Jezebel Spirit. They are so nice at one moment, just when you are so sure there is peace at home. Quarrels come out of no where.

lelvin:
I doubt if there is a remedy for a heart without love...whatever it is, do not be consumed by the hate. But if you already are, God help you.

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

dowjones:
But why? I'm curious to know why men marry terrible women. How does it even happen

This same thing is happening to a friend's brother. MTN collapse has made the man a little broke but the wife has tens of millions in the account won't provide one naira.

Even their kids have been in Nigeria since last year because they can't pay school fees on the UK. Which she forced the husband to take them to.

Can you share with me why you actually married her in the first place?

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

solasoulmusic:
The worst we can ever do in life marry someone who knows not the value of love. There are some key traits you have to be careful of out here if you want to build a sustainable marraige

1. Avoid spouses that abuse parents and family to get back at you
2. Avoid spouses that use kids as weapons against you.
3. Avoid anyone who doesn't love you but doesn't have the courage to let you go in peace. Some keep Leaving things behind forcing you interact eventually to get rid of it some of it is for selfish entertainment some for evil purposes to remain valid
4. Avoid anyone that feels that because things didn't work out with you it won't for anyone else so they have to paint you bad to the world.
5. Avoid anyone who is capable of emotional revenge and bringingg you down emotionally to satisfy themselves and their new love
6.Don't force anyone who is not willing to meet you halfway in love don't even express it to them sadly not everyone's heart is conditioned for love
7. Lastly be careful hope you treat those you date you set yourself up for a hopeless marraige if you haven't loved honestly and truthfully.

There are people we want to move mountains for that isn't part of Gods plan so instead of flowing along we pitch tent and expend energy on a faulty foundation.

For your kids it's worth smoothening the relationship
If your wife doesn't exhibit any of the listed then this it's just a personality clash counseling could help but if she does have traits like above you both need to sit down

Yesterday I was begging for closure on a matter but to my surprise they won't offer that because they are not ready for it but they are ready to delay your life though and torment you but not take that concerete step towards giving you another fresh start it's selfishness and that is an enemy of love. this issue is one that didn't really need to drag on for this long it's painful because you love them and spiritually you want what's best for them because you can see the decline but they have to say want it too. They have to want to be better for love it's not enough that you want it .

Two people met somewhere person A had nothing on person so person B helped person A . Person A always had a special affection for person B since then now when person B hits a bad time person A steps in out of love to assist person B proving comfort and emotional stability until when person B meets person C person B now begins to break person A's spirit with insults and rejection because of person C person A is distraught and seals up affection for Person B but is never quite able to say no when person B has to provide for his child. Person A is rejected and publically humiliated by Person B and person C the influence of their toxic love person B's sudden disdain for person A is so apparent many wonder what happened because she doesn't even love person B. Now time passes and person B is jobless and approaches person A for help skeptical of the past person A doesn't want to be at the center of the job quest but will gladly forward all the contacts they know to assist person B. They do so and copy person B for a job opportunity. One day because of the frustrations of a bad relationship with person C who y'all can remember brought the spirit of attack and the insults that were first showered on Person A During a normal argument person B gets angry and copies every business contact meant for building of B and insults person A to her colleagues and bosses. Person B is just using the same methods Person C used to establish herself in his life. Person A cannot believe it that that one gesture she reluctantly did he turned and used to hurt her again. She gets on her knees and prays. She loses her job and travels out She is replaced while away. years later person C and Person B fall out and C kicks out B and person A once again is called to assist person B everyone in person A's life is in objection that he doesn't deserve any help and that he has already betrayed you twice in the past but Person A doesn't listen Person A can't stand seeing Person B suffer especially since she as seen the devastation of choosing the wrong Love but she does she goes to pick him from Person C's house where Person C made a scene and called police. person A risked her life and reputation to help Person B ...he moves into her home temporarily in transition. Person A thinks the worst is over till Person C and person B get back together again and once again she is in the middle in the home person B begins to resent person A and how good she has it though she stepped in only to help and out of love he decides to leave property behind and storm off not before abusing her mother to her face.

Person A gets her job back though it's not a paying position by earning it and the respect back from her colleagues while Person B is still trying to build with Person C

I am Person A I have been in your shoes

Person B has no job now but more importantly Person B failed to see Person A just was there by divine intervention each time not selfish interest but he didn't care because he is so focused on building on the wrong foundation that person C offers.

Choose love wisely not everyone has the strength to stay fighting for good love

specter:
Truth! Your wife had a terrible childhood/adolescence. She trusted at an early age and got burnt. In one of my sessions as a marriage counsellor and attorney, I met a young couple that were having issues in their marriage.
Both from broken homes. The woman was so damage there was nothing llike trust for any man in her dictionary not even her husband who was determined to keep the marriage cos he didn't want his marriage to end up like that of his parents.
The woman was far worse than yours. She would yell, cry , starve herself, smoke, drink. All manner of attitiude that the husband sought divorce before we met.
And we were able to get her to talk about her past especially. Childhood. We discovered she had a lot of stuffs from the past buried deep down. She just couldn't open up to nobody except her mother who was far worse than herself.
She is still a work in progress and she is recovering fast.
My point is this, just suprise her and suggest you wanna take her out. Have a heart to heart discussing with her . She needs help, only you can help her . She is fighting so many battles you don't understand. She is fighting against the world . She is hurting and taking it out on you and the kids.
Does she love you ? Absolutely. But she cannot express that love cos she does not know how to. She needs to heal first. Help her love and trust again. It's not gonna be easy. Seek a therapist if need be or a pastor she respects.
She has serious trust issues. She can't trust nobody not even you cos of the abusive past. She is used to being hurt and you loving her makes you an enemy.
I once met a lady who couldn't leave an abusive relationship and could keep a non abusive relationship cos that was how she knew to leave. She even confessed that she only enjoys sex when the boyfriend beats her up before the make up sex.
We knew she needed help . A dig into the past revealed she was violently abused by her step father and her mother did nothing about it. It could be that you yourself have even triggered some reaction unknowingly.
The best solution is get her to talk about her past voluntarily.
Not until she lets go of the past and she hurts she is suffering, she won't get better.
Pm me if you need assistance. Thanks.

N:B. If you have been judging her, stop it. If she is angry, scared or shy of talking about the past , understand her and be patience with her but be persistent. Don't give up. Just keep apologising and getting her comfortable enough to talk about it. She might have been sexually abused too and the family did nothing about it and you might have also judged her in the past unknowingly.
She can't keep friendship too. Means she can't reveal what she burying deep down, except she can trust you.
Shalom.

ngwababe:
May God forgive her. Bros, its well!

nuele:
Actually, dt was a retype of the original message, it failed to deliver, was lazy to retype thus summarized that, was so excited you noted my humble advice thus wud unleash another remix.

Again, I really commend your perseverance and proper understanding of the concept of considerations (seeing ur considerations for ur kids, many won't this far).

I would like to ask you this(rhetoric), would you be very happy if she repent of her ways and be the your amazing wife?

Sure u would and would accept her back, implying the problem is her present behaviours, thus if she changes, you fine, thus the question of the real problem indentified.

Brother, you in a challenging time, its unfortunate but yes u are, its a problem just like an unfortunate ailment, it occurred, what to do now is seeking endless solutions options as you don't know what would yield the exact result you want just like one would do seeking cure for an ailments.

The underlying point is its a life time commitment, no way out. You are in it bro, and forever in the marriage. With this in mind you need to handle this as a man you are, from what I could gather from your wordings, you are a the real man, and be that man you are, saying this cos you would need courage to pass through this, less I forget, more perseverance(s).

So as I said, be less anxious and avoid being radical as some might have advise, a self-controlled person better and more noble and greater than a victorious warrior. Take things calm acknowledge u in a soup lol, but endure it bro, I mean till whenever, I pray and strongly believe won't be long, even God self, seeing this from you would help u out, that's depending on ur motives, but I understand u a sincere one, so he wud help u.

Before I suggest some helpful solutions trials, let me say this, if the situation was the other way round and you see her doing this for you, won't you be elated, I feel we men could b selfish lol, so that is it bro.

Try the following bro,

1. Give her space.
Pls do this, would help her think more, and retrospectively, don't bug her, engaging her in quarrels, pls don't, ensure after it all you look back and beat your chest with distinction.

2. Stop reporting her in ways that she sees as vindictive, judgemental and making her devilish.
Bro, that isn't true, I believe for you to have married her if she was as above, then lol u try. Remember u can explore !more respectful ways of reporting her, let's say her pastor, parent (not junior sisters o, but can be elder she regards, since u said she isn't in good times with them,u might have to suspend that), but try to, to someone mature or elderly she would highly regard.

3. Pray to God who instituted it, and said its a good thing.

4. Be very nice, cordial and thoughtful, you are a very intelligent person (pls don't ask me how I knew lol), and very important creative, get her unaware lol, she won't know how she fell into smiling then laughing, man man man, win her all over again, let her know you dt man that can win her heart anytime, any day and anyways lol.

5. Rebrand yourself.
Bro, if there is something u doing that makes her disrespect you, pls that needs to stop, example example o no be real o lol, let's say the guy is into immoral habits, eg porn, irresponsibilities, late nights, drunkenness, lies, etc this might make her feel she has nothing to lose from the guy aka no respect, so pls bro, I know u don't sound like one, just giving extreme examples yours can b little versions of the above but same family.

6. Bro take it from there.....

In my conclusion, bro you a man, be a man, be strong, calm and calculative, don't blame anything or anyone, also remember her background that might av affected her, I tell u u can change that, give the world a story, make an impact in your generation, let people also benefit from your feats lol not just enjoying and deriving courage from others own. In all be less anxious, have fun(no be wahala bringing type o) infact do that with your kids to avoid her thinking its with another, also that way it won't affect them too, before we begin addressing another in future, God forbid in Jesus name, I pray the Almighty God would see you through, Amen cheers bro.

Should you be interested in reaching me, let me drop my mail.

nueleita@gmail.com (Anyone can mail lol@ spammers).

Mac2016:
Only the married can realize what this man is saying. Man, never blame yourself for showing love. Most humans misbehave with love overdose!

I believe there is a 50/50 chance for you to improve your home. Find a side chic..(sound odd, right?!)..I know you are the highly romantic type, the essence of you getting a side chic is to funnel all your excessive love outdoors!

Let your wife realize that love is a like a bird which can only fly (be successful) if the two wings are functionally balanced, not lopsided.

With your change of attitude and new "joy outdoors", you will stop have sex with her til she desires it. Do no chores at home again, you may hire a housemaid, if your wife agrees, to cater your kids but since you have been married for 11 years, your first born may be able to do some chores (better if your first baby is a girl). #Feel like writing forever

Sulukag:
Bro i think you need to engage in some other things that can make you happy,think less about her.Make more friends,if possible get gadgets like play station,play it till you are exhausted. Don't let her attitude bother you anymore,anytime she does crazy things instead of fighting back tell her things like,you are the most beautiful woman in the world,buy her gifts even if she will not cherish it. For every bad she does against you repay her with good and pray for your marriage.Cover her up when she is asleep,help iron her cloths,I bet you one day she will come crying begging you for forgiveness and she will change totally.

lisbonabdulahi:
, waits for his dinner?, well the last time I was served a meal was in 2012

doverulez:
Hmmm, interesting.
From the way I see it mr op, you love ur wife so much than she loves u.(or act like she doesn't)
U give in so much concerns to every of her doings,naggings and she knows dis thats why she continues.
A woman from a broken home will always act like this to command respect,care,undiluted love,attention nd interest towards her, and ure exactly giving her what she wants(who knows! Maybe her mother was given less,maybe she had no say on any issue talk more of all,maybe her father is d nagging nd shouting type which kept both d mother nd d family at bay) she feels her mother was soft and weak now its her time and she doesnt want to be controlled. See op, her life now with u is just a mirror of her mothers nd what she(wife) went tru when growing up. D only difference is that she's calling d shots and with all d advise ure getting now ,sorry oh but I dont think any will take effect on her yet. Remember, u said she doesn't tell u where she goes, who she meets and all that but at time she unknowingly tells u sometimes. This shows she wants the marriage nd to want the marriage she has to love u nd to love u she'll need a heart and hearts that loves feels bad when hurt. Oop, u need to give less Bleep about wat she does now with the "her life" for now. U have the upper hand here, she has no friends,her family is not on her side.The more u show utmost concerns to the things she does she will continue. Its like a battle to her, she is ultra controlling u and her devices is ur love towards her. U are d one who always broker peace each time she stops talking to u,do u think she doesn't enjoy that(d man of d house wining nd crying anytime I do something) let go of that ultimate affection for now and put ur house together. ignore every rubbish she does,turn a blind eye towards her antics and when she doesn't see those concerns,worries and attention. She'll get worried,nd when she knows u dont give a damn about whatever she does or keep,she'll get scared. No woman will lose her husband over her bad characters nd bear loosing her children too. She'll have no choice than to seek out help,maybe from her family members or she'll just come straight to u. I believe this will help, so trust God and urself more cos ure playing the lead role here and this is reality tv my brother every of ur decision should be over thought,weighed and perfectly executed,no mistakes. God bless

swankmee:
Thank you. Amen









My dear OP, from the look of things, your wife is suffering from evil family pattern. Since she is a product of a broken home am sure that was how mum behaved to her father. I won't advice you to leave your wife cause she obviously needs spiritual help. It will be better for you to go for deliverance(preferably in any MFM church) (if u are a Christian) and then keep praying this prayer point.
1. God should destroy every evil family pattern of her parents house.
2. That God should put his fear and love in her heart.
3. God should please make her into a virtuous woman according to proverbs 31.
4. And that God should put your love in her heart. I. E she shld love you more than herself.
If u pray this fervently every 12am to 2am everyday for 7days. My dear you will see changes. Remember God is still with you no matter what you are passing through, just speak to him. (remember God can change anything if you have faith in him and if she's a witch or she's purposely doing what she's doing, trust me God will humble her).

mukhcech:
If u stay in Abuja. Help is near sir.

andyanders:
Having gone through what you stated on the subject, I deduce this to state herein that you are not married hence you tagged this as fiction or repeated story.

Listen, there are women who are as wicked as the devil that we have read from the bible.Right from the time of Adam, that women has become a pain to a man hence sin entered into the world. Satan found peace dwelling mostly inside 80% of women on the face of this earth. Only 20% of them that you can manage to have as good women. As a man, you become a manager of crises once you are married.

Slai1:
Op, you have made mention of brethren, though once. So I suspect you are both Christians . That said, I have not heard you make mention of 'Pastoral Counselling'. YOU BOTH NEED THAT. She might end up needing deliverance, along the line. Draw closer to God.

This is equally a call to every family man, woman and intending home-maker. You can't really do it on your own. The arm of flesh will fail you. Except 'The Lord' builds a house, they labour in vain that build it. Except 'The Lord' watches over a city, the watchmen keep awake in vain. jeremiah17:5, 2nd Chronicles 32:8

loshybab:
I second this.
Please share your pre marriage story to enable us learn.
Thanks!