₦airaland Forum

PaperLace:
Yes, you're very right.
Some of us might be worse,some of us have seen the worst_but something differentiated us from OP's wife. to let us know we're hurting our loved ones. It is what makes one seek help and make a U-turn to make things right. Something you and his wife seem to lack.

I pray you find peace and stop trolling me with different accounts.
You'll be ignored henceforth _that you might begin to doubt your existence.

Guyman02:
Let me share a bit with you, you get into these kind of relationships at a point when you are buoyant as a young man, you practically do everything for this pretty lady you met and fell in love with without even caring that she is not adequately returning the favours.
You are blinded by infatuation and everything seems all rosy.

The moment you sign the marriage documents, you realise that you have not stamped your feet down in the relationship with her and did not study every bit and pieces of her innermost character, you then start making efforts to become the man you should have been during courtship, she resists every move knowing fully well that it is now difficult for you to quit or end the relationship because you are now married.

If anything happens to your income or added responsibilities is taking a large chunk from your fixed income, thats when you realise that you have a wife who is inconsiderate and cares only about herself and how to accumulate resources for herself alone, you realise that you live with woman who will password her phones so that you dont stumble into her bank alert statement, she spends her money and invests it however she want without declaring much to you and tell you that the kids are yours and if you like dont pay their school schools and house rent and even use propaganda by asking you in your childrens front what kind of father and husband are you who cannot pay his childrens fees.

Meanwhile she will push you into putting the kids into expensive schools with a promise to help with the fees but will renege on her promise after 2 terms of cooperation.

As a father you cant stand and watch your kids suffer, nor withdraw them and put them into a more affordable but discrepit school which will look like retrogression and can even affect your psyche as a man.
This kind of women are narcissistic and know how to hook the nice and gentle guys, perhaps you ladies should know more about how they achieve that.
In retrospect, the man will also realize that he abandoned a good girl somewhere along who cared so much about him but didnt know how to pretend about her feelings and you feel like turning back the hands of time.

FortuneTeller:
You never answered my question. DO YOU HAVE A JOB? Does she work more than you do? It would be strange for her to be home and never give you the same dinner she is giving her children. Seriously if you have no job or she makes much more than you do, you may as well fold your hands and let her be. However that would not be the only cause of her behavior. She's not going to change. I'm telling you, I've never been an exceptionally happy person. I always have a complaint, but that's just who I am. If my husband left, I would probably go into a depression because he is my only close friend. However I rarely treat him nice. If my husband wants to hear me talk nice to him, he starts talking about going home to Nigeria. I just tell him he wants to abandon me and put a sad look on my face (that is my version of being nice). It makes him laugh and say "my baby". Just learn to laugh and you will be happier.

lisbonabdulahi:
... ' That's a tiny bit of conscience' I cry at this your word, that is exactly what I have been telling her, to just sit and put her self in my shoes

lalanice:
I know very much that men are emotionally abused, I even have a crazy neighbour here that is trying to ruin her husbands life. but this story just seems like a repeated story with more juice

MizMyColi:
The worst thing that can happen to a man is to live with a woman who has no love, thoughtless and inconsiderate.

A man cannot change a woman, neither can a woman change a man.

When you get married to a human being, you need to understand that your marriage will not work unless you are ready to invest heavily in the virtues of love and kindness.

It pays to be open.
It pays to have a heart that is willing to let go.

I guess the woman harbors a lot of unforgiveness and hate in her heart.
She needs to become aware. She needs to connect with her truest and purest self.

Dear OP, I don't know how you will do it, but I think you have endured long enough.

Try to engage in things that make you happy.
Pray, seek divine counsel on what to do.

I will advise that you make peace with your current situation and try to avoid the negativity, all kinds of negativity.

I wish you well Sir.

DropShot:
I see you oo.

Well done.

PaperLace:
This is what happens when you try to do the job of a therapist.

Marriage is not a rehabilitation centre for dysfunctional people _ don't go marrying people with the plans of changing them in marriage.

I pity the innocent kids you brought into all this, such emotional trauma from a mother that should be loving. I won't say you should divorce her, but I am very concerned about the well being of your kids. The way she lashes out at them with insults isn't good for their psyche. I am sure you know that. You owed them the duty of getting he best mum, something you've failed on. You might wanna consider removing them from that environment for the time being _till you fix the mess you created.

Encourage her to go for counselling, something you should have advised her to do 11yrs ago, instead you put a ring on it.
That woman needs to heal.

PaperLace:
This is what happens when you try to do the job of a therapist.

Marriage is not a rehabilitation centre for dysfunctional people _ don't go marrying people with the plans of changing them in marriage.

I pity the innocent kids you brought into all this, such emotional trauma from a mother that should be loving. I won't say you should divorce her, but I am very concerned about the well being of your kids. The way she lashes out at them with insults isn't good for their psyche. I am sure you know that. You owed them the duty of getting he best mum, something you've failed on. You might wanna consider removing them from that environment for the time being _till you fix the mess you created.

Encourage her to go for counselling, something you should have advised her to do 11yrs ago, instead you put a ring on it.
That woman needs to heal.

MizMyColi:


good afternoon Sir.

DropShot:
Good afternoon my sister.

Long time. E ku igbadun.

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

[b]She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not [/b]poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

jpphilips:
Are you done? for what it is worth, the bold parts of your whining requires that your certificate of Masculinity must be withdrawn, It doesn't matter what anyone here advised, I never bothered to read their comments except yours, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your marriage, You are simply a disgrace who married a smarter wife, please remain with this one and don't dare take your disgraceful self to another lady, you may end up corrupting her with your self pity and incompetent disgraceful self.
God gave you a family to lead not whine all over the internet like a cry baby, jeez!! If I was your friend and you come to me with this stvpidity, i will give you a dirty slap so bad you may not recognise your wife, now get the fvck off the internet and go be a man using every means logically necessary to restore sanity for the sake of your kids

talk2bity:
I will not advice u 2 leave the marriage because of ur kids but try ur best not to complaint or even talk to her about her ways.u've 2 start praying(serious prayers) 4 her i.e if u stil luv u ur wife and ur family.ur emeny is not ur wife but the devil

lisbonabdulahi:
You may think this is an insult, but you have passed a message, if you do not really care, you will not talk to me like this. You do really care, thanks

lisbonabdulahi:
Yes, a good one

Naughtysite:
Please shattap.

Thanks.

You are thoughtless, inconsiderate and lack love. Just like the woman in the story.

The writer is asking for help, you are contributing rubbish. So many ladies add NO VALUE.

Just like Tonto Dike kind of girls. Just buy brain.

PaperLace:
Yes, you're very right.
Some of us might be worse,some of us have seen the worst_but something differentiated us from OP's wife. That's a tiny bit of conscience to let us know we're hurting our loved ones. It is what makes one seek help and make a U-turn to make things right. Something you and his wife seem to lack.

I pray you find peace and stop trolling me with different accounts.
You'll be ignored henceforth _that you might begin to doubt your existence.

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.

lalanice:
and you are ??

lalanice:

to some quote I find very unnecessary to reply, but let me tell you this. my post has nothing to do with my status, I only stated what I noticed and I didnt just mean the story I meant even the lines and the write-up, I have seen it before. I do not attach any attitude to gender I believe people are just who they are women and men can be equally wicked as the devil. stay with who you can and avoid who you can't.

lisbonabdulahi:
Hello Nairalanders, please I need you advice before I finally end this marriage.
I know I was at fault at the beginning for not stamping my authority , I showed her so much love, because she is a product of a broken home, I wanted her to know there is much more to life, now she has turned my love to foolishness, I do not want my kids to grow up without a father. That is why I have been very patient, but now … please read on.

I have been married for 11 years, with 4 kids. The truth is that we have never had really peace in the home for these years, everything is trouble, from the way I talk, eat, dress, use the toilet and sleep, just name them. The situation has been bad from the beginning, but the last three years has been hell for me and the kids, my wife shouts and complain over everything, she cannot go one full day with Joy, there is always one thing that annoys her, she has to be right on all issues, The very sad part is that whenever she does anything wrong and I ask her, there will be trouble, she will refuse to speak with me for as long as she like. We can go for weeks without really speaking with each other she enjoys it, she does not just bother at all. Each time these things happen, I am always the one that try to initiate peace.

I will like to give only one example to summarise everything going on in my home: two years ago, she will just leave the home without telling me, I called her and told her it is not right, she replied me promptly that it is her life, I can’t control her, and it is my life as well, I should do whatever I like with it. well I thought it was anger, however, I never mind, anytime I want to leave, I make sure I tell her till one day she called me and tell me that even if I keep informing her about my movements, that she is not going to change, she is not under any obligation to tell me where she is going to. My people, for two years counting now, that is how we have been doing it, we just leave without telling each other. BUT OCCASSIONALLY FOR SOME REASONS I DON’T KNOW, SHE WILL JUST TELL ME SHE IS GOING OUT TO XYZ.

She always insults me and even the kids, for any mistake they make and she never fails to tell them that they did not inherit their bad character from her, that they inherited their character from me, she says this consistently even when I am there. There is no insult she has not poured on me, I have had to explain to her mother severally but the woman is simply helpless, her mother is dead scared of her. She exhibited some of these characters during our two years of courtship, but her mother and some brethren advised that she will change after marriage. She is always complaining of being tired, meanwhile, I do the dishes, do the vacuuming (sweeping), cleaning and other domestic duties, even when she cooks, I have to cut the ingredients and all that, in short she rarely cooks. We sleep in different rooms for 4 years counting now, occasionally I try to go to her room to initiate sex, but 99% of cases she chase me away, sometime she locks her door. She stopped me from sleeping in same room with her, when I asked why, shy did not say anything but after 4 months she said it was because I was snoring at night. Trust me anytime I am opportune to make love to her I make sure she climaxes…

It is so bad that even her sisters sometimes rebuke her in my presence, presently, she is not in talking terms with any of her siblings, and this has been on for the past three years. I am stuck with this lady, her mother cannot talk to her, no family member she respects. She is a loner.
To the extent that she makes friends and they always break up, she has no real close friends, even if they are close, trust me, before 6 months the relationship has gone sour.