₦airaland Forum

HerXLNC:
How did she appear rude? No one knew she's d sole financial of the house till the issue came up.... She was d financial backbone of dads business....she has tolerated too much.... The money never took over her.... Lemme give instances.... She wakes by 5am n get home by 6 or 7pm yet a man that has little or nothing to do still want her to perform some duties as if she's a house wife... It can't work mehn!....she was ready to support her husband to compete with big men outside.... Buh dad keeps complaining of not getting sex! That was his reason for going out.... I told him women subjected to hardship n stress hardly have urge for sex....thats his problem as men that have less worries n things to occupy their minds with often get Hot most time

To correct your impression I'm a man in my late 20s I'm just using my sisters account to pass my worries cuz I wanna remain anonymous to people that know me too well

You are a young man my friend. Just clamp down your pulse. I'll say it again..take things easy. Don't condemn your dad so brutally. Be a man.

HerXLNC:
The issues behind my parent feud is something that has accumulated over years! Buh I ll brief it the way the story is:

We grew up seeing my dad domestically abuse my mother to the point that she flogs her with cane n use fist on her.... These things have made me develop a level of hatred for him buh there's nothing we cud do to help as we were kids....

My mum is a workaholic n in turn she became d bread winner of the house cuz she earn more... Fast forward to the past 11 years my dad took to d advice of people I still regards as fools even when I don't know them.... The advice is "when you're dealing with a wife that is not submissive marry another woman to relegate her " his definition of submission is something I don't know till when I became adult ....i got to know that he likes to dictates n the ego of the head of the house have swallowed him.... He doesn't want his decision questioned cuz he feels his wiser than all: so he had an extra marital affair and got a lady pregnant which have birth to a triplet.... Meanwhile the legally married wife have birth to four " 3 girls n a boy"

Mum accepted it as error n never wanted it to affect her home n her marriage.... She did d naming with them n reached a verbal agreement with her husband that he should be sending them money n not to marry d woman..... Later issues came up... My dad start sneaking there in d name of vigil n mum as use an informant on him...so she got to know.... Dad in defense said if he doesnt marry her who does she expect to marry a lady after 3 children n later they gave birth to another child again ... At this point mum said okay Im letting you go... You can't be having sex with that woman that has indecent story n have sex with me...using sexually transmitted disease has a yardstick.... Overtime mum withdrew her financial support from dad so the new wife could see the true picture....as a result dad went really down and mum had so much addition to her assets... When dad went down issues start springing forth from his new wife, cud not pay rent of the house they were staying after selling his cars n to cut d story short he sold his last asset to get his footings back after going to pray from mountain to mountain and he returned home....fast forward 2yrs to d present now.... some days ago he said he want to be bringing the children home to spend holiday with him n mum was like no not in this house she built....yes 80-90% of the cost the house is from her sweat.... They called pastors n family to d issue n dad said okay he won't do that again... Now yesterday he brought d four children home... Mum was calm till Diz afternoon cuz I told her not to alter a word as she said she ll file a case against him in the court... Buh Diz afternoon she lost her calmness and started telling d children that... She doesn't hate them buh she hate their father and they should tell their father to build house for them and their mum cuz she built that house....so they shd know it's not their fathers house..... I was trying to go caution her when I heard dad said this thing you're doing when these children grow up they ll get a gun and kill you.... Then I got mad and say WTF.... Y would u say such....kill who! No no this is d height of it and for the statement he just made he shd forget he has me and my siblings. And I personally ll deal with him if he try any crazy move:


Advise is needed.... Mothers in d house, lawyers and Co....

My mum n dad are close to 60yrs ....over 30
Yrs in marriage yet no peace

Sorry for the long story I want advisers to get clear pictures.... Pardon my grammatical blunders as m feeling lazy to proof read

ask your mum to divorce your dad...that the only way forward

dominique:
Why hasn't she thrown him out after all these years? She built the house, she's the sbreadwinner yet she endured all that abuse from him and was still enabling him. To what end? To remain a Mrs? From all indications, the marriage has been destroyed beyond repair. Your mum has every right to reject your dad's four other kids since it's her house. She should involve the authorities if need be.

Just put it in prayer that you never marry a man like your father.

He has less than 15% in the money used in buying d land n building d house.... They bought d land using Mr and Mrs.... That's d Ish why he kept claiming Co owner of the house

pato405:
If she wasn't. why threaten to throw the innocent kids from the other woman out? Why not bear them, tolerate, and prove to them that she's truly a tolerant woman? why start telling them that their father did not build the house? she obviously resents them, and truth be told, if those kids grow with that resentment, they'll hate her. It's her house today, who knows tomorrow? Those kids (if shown some luv) might be of help to her & her kids tomorrow. yes, she has her own kids too, who can help her in future, but my brother, the world is a complex place! the vicissitudes of life might just turn the tides. "Help and reward" sometimes comes from where it is least expected - there are countless cases where kids who were victims of maltreatment ESPECIALLY by their step-mums turn out to be last resort for assistance in times of despair. Make una take thins easy o! Lyf na "time & chance"

I scolded her for such attitude buh women ll always remain women ....she could not hold it... Those children are not mature enough to decipher what is wrong from right... Their mum can easily tell Dem to poison her n they ll gladly do cuz they are not mature.... That's her reason for not wanting them close to her.... And I support this too

kimbraa:
Your dad was physically abusing your mum with cane and she endowed.

He impregnated another woman and she went for their naming ceremony. Now, he brought the kids he had outside into a house she built and she's complaining. Well, I think she has shown your dad that she needed to bear his surname more than anything.

Since she's been endowing, telling the kids that the house doesn't belong to their father when she no longer needed their presence was a childish move. Even if the man has fùcked up in the past, she encouraged it, supported him at some point so she should've used wisdom rather for him to send the kids back to their mother. Least I forget, kids whose mother's bride price isn't paid are illegitimate so why is she worried whether they stay or not?.

All the pain she endured in d marriage was because she doesn't want her children to come from broken home... She's always trying protect her home.... her nice gesture to attend d naming wasn't cause she loves to bear the surname .....she tot she cud make things work like d mistake never happened buh it never worked....

kimbraa:
Your dad was physically abusing your mum with cane and she endowed.

He impregnated another woman and she went for their naming ceremony. Now, he brought the kids he had outside into a house she built and she's complaining. Well, I think she has shown your dad that she needed to bear his surname more than anything.

Since she's been endowing, telling the kids that the house doesn't belong to their father when she no longer needed their presence was a childish move. Even if the man has fùcked up in the past, she encouraged it, supported him at some point so she should've used wisdom rather for him to send the kids back to their mother. Least I forget, kids whose mother's bride price isn't paid are illegitimate so why is she worried whether they stay or not?.

I scolded her for sending a msg tru them back to their mother ...she said she wanted to plant the notion that their father has no property... So they shd know that for future reference

pato405:
Some commentators might be wondering why I am taking my stance on this matter.

Hmmmmm...I really don't know where to start from, but let me put it this way, I have seen a lot in this my little world!

The story OP just narrated up there is an exact replica of what happened to a friend of mine over 25yrs ago! yes! you read right !

To cut the long story short as I do not have the luxury of time, both wives had 5 kids each, but the first wife swore to show the second wife's children hell on earth.

Then, we were both in JSS I think. I remember vividly that he had a younger brother in another class. They were both always looking gloomy, but very brilliant chaps.

I stumbled into him a few months ago and trying to catch-up on lost times, I asked what he was doing (tho I heard through grape vine at some point that he read med & surg). Today, he is an accomplished medical doctor and his younger brother is practicing law in Michigan, USA.

on the other hand, none of the children from the first wife did well even tho they are all graduates today..many of them are even still searching for jobs.

I enquired about his step-mum, he told me she was bed-ridden with diabetes and things have not been too good with her kids. Guess what, he was the one they all turned to for help. He said he, at first thought of paying them back in their own coin, but later reluctantly decided to help. Now, he is the one footing all the diabetes bills and monitoring step-mums health.

PLS NOTE: This is not a concocted story! it's live

Lesson: be nice to people you meet on your way up, you might just as well meet them on your way down!

Abeg OP, make all of una calm down settle this matter.

My 2 pencee.

Well from your story.... Step mum swore to make earth miserable for the step children... Buh Diz case is different.... Shes has nothing against the children buh she doesn't wanna associate with them till they are of age and they ll hear d history.... Her children are not resenting d step children too cuz we know they were innocently born.... Buh it not just time yet.. Their mother is fetish n their grand mother is super fetish

mrblessed:
The story you narrated above is pretty complicated and requires critical thinking before taking decision. I wish you have not been impacted with negative ideas about what marriage is. It is unfortunate that your mum has suffered and endured domestic violence and abuse which seemingly expands as their marital years increase. No one deserves to molested, abused, and disrespected, whether man or woman. Contrary to those who claim that your mum accepted this despicable ordeal because she wants to remain married, the children have been here only source inspiration and hope.The picture of the man you painted reveals someone who does what he likes without minding the consequences of his actions. A man who is self-centered and disrespectful to a wife who is hardworking and productive. Even though we know your mum is not without fault, the indiscretion and indiscipline of your dad cannot be rationalize. Given his predilection for physical abuse, I think your mum needs to demonstrate she has had enough by seeking for separation first before thinking of divorce. Your dad contributed to the building of the house; therefore, kicking him out might be a painful and difficult exercise.

You got the picture right

pato405:
You are a young man my friend. Just clamp down your pulse. I'll say it again..take things easy. Don't condemn your dad so brutally. Be a man.

I'm a man I and I have carefully developed myself into d opposite of my father. He sees me as rebel.... He felt I shd always support him as a man buh nah he's Fuvking wrong.... He's d worst person I have ever known... I felt God put me tru this training so I can be a close to perfect husband.....im sure I ll do things differently when I'm married by God's grace

Futureberry:
ask your mum to divorce your dad...that the only way forward

I told her buh she doesnt want him to use his little Kobo on court cases and I don't wanna force her... So I won't be the devil that put asunder.... Buh I have to find a lasting solution b4 I leave d country

My advice for you is to settle things before you leave the country especially now that your father is still alive. Your story was like that of my grandpa. Till now his other kids feels that my father owes them something. They are still contesting some of my grandma's properties. They will just become torn on your flesh and that of your children because they wouldn't enjoy a proper upbringing coz of your dad's age with circumstances surrounding the relationship. Am speaking from experience, so take my advice.

some men think with their dicks jor..this buhari time ,u dont go around impregnating women hup han dan,then disrepecting the hardworking woman,because he has dick..

pato405:
With OP's mums resentment and hatred for those children, I'm afraid she'll starve them silly.

But you know what? starving them will not kill them. It could make them stronger, wiser, and galvanise them to chase avenues for survival. It's just plain human instinct - the will power for survival. They might suffer now o! but with time, they'll have learnt enough survival skills and have more street sense to adapt with difficult times than the other aje butter side.

And ofcourse you know that whosoever have street sense, will cope and make it in lyf. They'll be fine when they eventually grow - I'm sure. I just pity the poor kids.

Wait oh. Is it the OP mum's responsibility to feed the children? Their father and mother are still alive, why are you insisting that the OP's mum should feed them?
Yes, she resents and probably hates the kids. Is it not justified? How would you feel waking up every morning to kids from your wife's side d!ck in YOUR house? House that you built with your sweat! You will be happy abi?
She does not want anything to do with the kids, is it by force? Why must she accept them in HER house? Yes, they are free to grow on the street and become fvcking Bill Gates, just leave mama out of it. It is not by force!
This is the kind of sh!t that men like you will never accept but will be shoving it down women's throats.
You think women are robots with no feelings? WTF!

OP, your mum has tried, their is no reason for her to be develop high blood pressure over someone else's kids. She should stand her ground and send those kids back to their mother, their father can follow them too. Good riddance.

pato405:
You are a young man my friend. Just clamp down your pulse. I'll say it again..take things easy. Don't condemn your dad so brutally. Be a man.

You can't know how the shoe pinches until you walk in his shoes.

Sell your phone and go buy sense

pato405:
All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

Would you accept kids your wife had for another man just to not be rude?
I didn't even read past that line. Your brain is a waste of space.

pato405:
If she wasn't. why threaten to throw the innocent kids from the other woman out? Why not bear them, tolerate, and prove to them that she's truly a tolerant woman? why start telling them that their father did not build the house? she obviously resents them, and truth be told, if those kids grow with that resentment, they'll hate her. It's her house today, who knows tomorrow? Those kids (if shown some luv) might be of help to her & her kids tomorrow. yes, she has her own kids too, who can help her in future, but my brother, the world is a complex place! the vicissitudes of life might just turn the tides. "Help and reward" sometimes comes from where it is least expected - there are countless cases where kids who were victims of maltreatment ESPECIALLY by their step-mums turn out to be last resort for assistance in times of despair. Make una take thins easy o! Lyf na "time & chance"

cococandy:
Would you accept kids your wife had for another man just to not be rude?
I didn't even read past that line. Your brain is a waste of space.

Must you resort to insult? You have no brain matter at all.
You are a disgrace to all FOOLS! You've not only publicized how manner-less you are, you've shown your parents invested no effort towards instilling courtesy in you. Woe betide you. I don't blame you. Once nitwits like you run into a few MB data, you come online to spill garbage. If you meet me face-to-face you cannot muster any iota of courage to utter gibberish. silly scumbag. Quote me again at your own peril

pato405:
All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

Lol like some Nairalanders would say, its seems that there is something paining you in your head ( This is not an insult or abuse, it is merely an observation).

Back to topic

Regardless of what you think of the woman (Being rude and all)

Are you saying that it was right of the father to listen to folks about having extra marital affairs??

alexistaiwo:
Been long I had seen someone alternate between making sense and writing nonsense this good

That's how to balance it o!

moonraker:
Lol like some Nairalanders would say, its seems that there is something paining you in your head ( This is not an insult or abuse, it is merely an observation).

Back to topic

Regardless of what you think of the woman (Being rude and all)

Are you saying that it was right of the father to listen to folks about having extra marital affairs??

I'm usually not disposed to replying teenagers with low IQ, but I think I can spare some fraction of seconds with your post. I'll simplify it for, your comprehension perhaps:

It's not about listening to folks. he engaged in 'the act' & now, he has kids through 'the act'

So, your point is that people born into the world through extra-marital affair (the act) are not entitled to live?

pato405:
I'm usually not disposed to replying teenagers with low IQ, but I think I can spare some fraction of seconds with your post. I'll simplify it for, your comprehension perhaps:

It's not about listening to folks. he engaged in 'the act' & now, he has kids through 'the act'

So, your point is that people born into the world through extra-marital affair (the act) are not entitled to live?

You dont know me Sir. Based on your explanations on here, you see things in three colors. I dont.

I never implied that. However, i come from a school of thought that if you make your bed, you best believe be ready to sleep on it.

The woman has no obligation of take care of another womans kids. Unless ofcourse she want to.

I will admit (The utterances from the woman were uncalled for) but she merely acted human.

Over and over again, The father has desecrated their home. And to make things worse, He brought his kids to the womans house??

No shame whatsoever.

Ishilove:
You can't know how the shoe pinches until you walk in his shoes.

I absolutely understand how much it pains - to be honest! but the deed is done! remediation strategy is what (particularly as first son) OP should focus on. I am ASOLUTELY against the dad's use of violence (citing flogging his wife with cane as if she's a public primary school pupil) that's barbaric to say the least. The hands of time cannot be turned to address the problem on ground from its origin - domestic violence, arguments, disagreements, wife leaving home to devout too much time to work & less time to satisfying the family/man's s*xual urges etc.

But it's never late for an approach to peaceful coexistence between the kids. OP shouldn't take sides (it will escalate the looming war), rather seek diplomatic approach to peace (or at least pretend to be neutral - just for peace). If they all dance to this drum of war, I'm sure both wives will go diabolic, kids will resent one another and wait for slightest opportunity to revenge, lives may be lost o! ranging from juju or planting sniper into food/drinks etc..such suspicions have already started if you read between the lines of OPs post - and this spells DANGER! A visitor is not even safe!

HerXLNC:
I told her buh she doesnt want him to use his little Kobo on court cases and I don't wanna force her... So I won't be the devil that put asunder.... Buh I have to find a lasting solution b4 I leave d country

if she cannot spend her kobo on his court case,den help her out....facilitate the court process for her

pato405:
I'm usually not disposed to replying teenagers with low IQ, but I think I can spare some fraction of seconds with your post. I'll simplify it for, your comprehension perhaps:

It's not about listening to folks. he engaged in 'the act' & now, he has kids through 'the act'

So, your point is that people born into the world through extra-marital affair (the act) are not entitled to live?

No one has the rights to impose their love children on their spouse. Even worse OP's father is already poisoning the children's minds against the wife. It's only matter of time before they grow up and start rebelling against her, they can even cause her harm if care is not taken. Why can't the biological mother take care of her own kids? Is she physically or mentally handicapped? Of all the bullshit African women have to swallow in the name of being a virtuous woman, imposing illegitimate children on her is the most ridiculous.

So your dad is expecting your mum to pay the bills for the children he has outside of marriage
Since he wants respect that was why he went out of his marriage to sow oats around, he should take responsibility of his children, find accommodation and other basic things for the kids..

A man once chased his father and his kids out of his house in Ibadan, he said his father never had a dime in him and his siblings, he struggled with the help of his mum to become someone in life, so he built a house for his mum around General gas/akobo area,the mum left her husband's house, the husband insisted he'll follow her since they had the kids together, the child was furious but his mother told him to keep his calm...few years later, the woman travelled out for a six months rest, by the time she came back, the man's FIVE kids from other women were already the living in the house, the son came back and explained to.the kids he doesn't hate them and he'll help them as much as he can but they can't live in a house he built specifically for his mum...he had to move them out and got a two bedroom flat for them around dizengolf area...The father was angry,started cursing the son, he told him that he was just a sperm donor, he had to move out in shame, its been almost five years and he's still in touch with his half siblings.

@op if your mum insists she can't house those kids or can't pay the bills for them, let her do it....as long as the house is hers,if the man isn't OK with that let him move out.
Beating your mum in front of the kids shows the kind of father he is...God forbid,a man can't be hitting me and still expect I will open my thighs to him or give him my hard earned money

Please no one should preach about love and endurance, a man who truly loves his wife won't go and sleep with another woman,not once but twice... so.since he didn't consider how she felt then, he should not be angry if the woman does not consider his feeling now

pato405:
All I can say is...it appears your mum is truly rude. She made the money but it must have taken over her sense of submission at some point. No man wants to lose his regard simply because he's not making enough cash. The two should be one and whatever your mum has achieved, must not necessarily be publicized as her singular effort.

This has always been the problem...whenever a Nigerian man is the sole bread-winner, it's NEVER news! but when the woman is the bread-winner, there's always rancor, pandemonium & chaos. But why?

You have also taken sides with your mum and painted your dad as a monster. Please don't get married with this bias against men...it will only breed more trouble - often it's the reason why it appears as if divorce runs in some families like a genetic disease. It might not be surprising if your dad's side of the story contradicts yours. To every story, there are two sides. No judgement until a balanced case is presented!

At what point did you lose touch with humanity?

When a man is breadwinner it never shows _why will it show when the woman respects herself. Who even said it never shows?

Which man will win bread and tolerate a cheating, insensitive wife?

dominique:
No one has the rights to impose their love children on their spouse. Even worse OP's father is already poisoning the children's minds against the wife. It's only matter of time before they grow up and start rebelling against her, they can even cause her harm if care is not taken. Why can't the biological mother take care of her own kids? Is she physically or mentally handicapped? Of all the bullshit African women have to swallow in the name of being a virtuous woman, imposing illegitimate children on her is the most ridiculous.

God bless you real good. Exactly the point i was trying to make

If you ask me, I`d say the grandpa is the one with the low IQ....

cococandy:
Would you accept kids your wife had for another man just to not be rude?
I didn't even read past that line. Your brain is a waste of space.

and these fools will be screaming DNA test up and down saying I can't raise another man's kid. bunch of fòolish motherfuckers.

Futureberry:
if she cannot spend her kobo on his court case,den help her out....facilitate the court process for her

U don't get.... She doesn't want him to use d last money he's surviving with on court case

HerXLNC:
I scolded her for such attitude buh women ll always remain women ....she could not hold it... Those children are not mature enough to decipher what is wrong from right... Their mum can easily tell Dem to poison her n they ll gladly do cuz they are not mature.... That's her reason for not wanting them close to her.... And I support this too

women will always be women, but you cannot accept the fact that men will always be men too ..I still insist that divorce is the only way forward, your mum have to choose between herself and her husband, if she don't want him to spend his money on court case,you can take care of the issue on behalf of your dad...


Here are the points:
1:irresponsible dad √
2:wife beater √
3:lazy√
4:child outside √

So with all these divorce is the way forward, if your mum refuse, go behind her back and separate them by force...make sure you drive your dad out of your mum house,disown or disdad him...try and change your surname.... This is the only way forward

Futureberry:
.try and change your surname.... This is the only way forward

Eyin tun le oooooo