₦airaland Forum

jameshow:
What I read here everyday is discouraging me from getting married, if d wife is not cheating, she will be secretive. Can i still get married sha?

Apina:
If a woman tells u that her money is hers and yours is a central purse, immediately put ur foot down and let her know that for u to pay any of her bill, she would 100% do whatever u say. Who pays the bills, makes the rules.

khiaa:
As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.

1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with your society and culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.

The house belongs to the man alone.
When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expects her to beg him to let her stay but when she doesn't beg he's shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself.

2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.

3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.

4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.

5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties.

khiaa:
Who makes the rules in a Nigerian home when both partners are paying the bills equally?

khiaa:
As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.

1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.

The house belongs to the man alone.
When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expected her to beg him to let her stay but when she didn't beg him he was shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you were told to get out of your matrimonial home with no compensation and nowhere to go the way a lot of you husband's do your wives simply because he wants someone else.

2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.

3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.

4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.

5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties.

Phonefanatic:
With your thinking I see marriage as scam. If she wanted to do things by herself why get married? She could have gotten pregnant without marrying which will give her all the space to do things alone and enjoy her money.

khiaa:
As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.

1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.

The house belongs to the man alone.
When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expected her to beg him to let her stay but when she didn't beg him he was shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you were told to get out of your matrimonial home with no compensation and nowhere to go the way a lot of you husband's do your wives simply because he wants someone else.

2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.

3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.

4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.

5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties.

khiaa:
I'm thinking logically you are into your feelings. If a man is so selfish that he cant/won't provide shelter for his wife without her stressing about the fact that he can throw her out HIS house at the drop of a hat with nowhere to go, why bother getting married? I think that this is a control tactic created by men to keep your womem submissive.
If he wants to cheat he knows that there isn't a thing she can do about it but pray, hope and wish and just accept it or get out of HIS house. That is why the women should be cautious and be prepared.

alexialin:
God bless you.

The wife knows where the shoes pinches. So I wont blame her totally.

Possibly she really wants to surprise her husband with the new house.

It's possible.

alexialin:
God bless you.

The wife knows where the shoes pinches. So I wont blame her totally.

Possibly she really wants to surprise her husband with the new house.

It's possible.

Futureberry:
so the man is now a cheat...sister stop slandering men without verified facts....I can as well say you slept with your dad last night

khiaa:
Lol Yeah it's possible but not probable. As an outsider looking in (me) I can understand a wife securing a place for herself and foreseeing that dreaded day when she hears the words GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, but in the case of this woman I think that she was just being underhanded and deceitful.
She had plans to leave the marriage as soon as the house was completed.

Futureberry:
I can only imagine what your response will be,if the man built a house secretly, the man is always at fault.....the woman knows who the man was yet still went ahead to marry him...the loads of double standard in your writeup is mind blowing, we know gender equality can never be possible, but at least try and condemn what is bad when it is bad...don't support simply because your gender is the defaulting side,your brother,sons or dad might find themselves in these same situations ,will you still go with these narrative.... If your husband build a house without telling you,won't you feel bad ...it always right when it not us involved...

alexialin:
Maybe such plan cannot be ruled out as well.

Only she and God knows her next plan after the house is completed.

khiaa:
But she's already moved out of the house remember, I'm sure she moved into her almost completed new house.

khiaa:
I'm thinking logically you are into your feelings. If a man is so selfish that he cant/won't provide shelter for his wife without her stressing about the fact that he can throw her out HIS house at the drop of a hat with nowhere to go, why bother getting married? I think that this is a control tactic created by men to keep your womem submissive.
If he wants to cheat he knows that there isn't a thing she can do about it but pray, hope and wish and just accept it or get out of HIS house. That is why the women should be cautious and be prepared.

savagefinder:
I like your so called "logical" thinking but the truth is that we only fight or plan to fight against what we know and sadly the things we plan against are the things we know we are capable of.
We will never know but from the facts stated by the OP, he never had a side chick, he didn't threaten to chase her out of the marriage before then. You point is based on the fact that the "woman is smart"... Crap... The woman is being stingy and secretive, for you not to bring in any money to the house but you go to build a house even brings into question your faithfulness to the bond you and your husband share..because my hands and heart were open and I showed you my house, why can't you tell me about the one you are building? You know what I earn and we share it and you know how I spend it, so why can't we do the same to yours? About this society rules that you claim we created, another crap... We are not the ones that are willing to pay bride price, your parents ask for it.. If she has a house before our marriage, I won't fret.. If she has a house after our marriage, so far I know of it.. I still won't fret.. But you share my money equally as our money but when the time comes, your own becomes your own money and you call it smartness... Sister call a spade a spade, that woman isn't normal, she's mad self,.

IAMSASHY:
d wife is jst bin carried away by her money, it's so wrong 4 a woman 2 say Dat her money is hers alone, d financial responsibilities in a home cnt b carried by one person alone, both of dem ar dere 2 support each oda, marriage is nt jst meant 4 everybody ,one really needs 2 b very careful b4 saying "I do" wt anybody

jameshow:
What I read here everyday is discouraging me from getting married, if d wife is not cheating, she will be secretive. Can i still get married sha?

Secretgis:
U can fix it

khiaa:
If I was Nigerian living in Nigeria and my husband built a house without telling me what would be the point of me getting upset?

If he built a house with me knowing, who's house would it be.....answer HIS.

If my husband built a house without me knowing, who's house would it be.... answer.. HIS.

You get the point?

khiaa:
Obviously you didn't read my posts. I said that I wasn't talking about cheating in this marriage I said that I was talking about in a general sense, I also stated that I didn't agree with her secrecy nor her non contribution to the family bills.

I also do not believe that her money is hers and what's his belongs to the both of them that's ridiculous.
What I do understand is putting away some money for emergency situations, you know like "Get Out of MY HOUSE". I understand wanting to have a place of her own because it's obvious that her husband's house is HIS house and not THEIRS.

So yes, if I was a Nigerian woman living in Nigeria I would protect my self, so when and if the day comes that he wants me out of HIS house I won't be homeless. What is so hard to understand about that?

khiaa:
Now you're being stupid, bringing my deceased dad into this conversation, I never said he cheated on her I was speaking in the general sense.

genius43:
Women can be very complicated. You can decipher computational maths faster than women. Anyways it's just a lesson to those of us yet to walk on that part called marriage..

Drops phone..

khiaa:
As incredibly selfish and cold hearted as this woman sounds I can understand where she's coming from. My reasons are as follows.

1. You men bring this kind of behavior onto yourselves with the society and the culture you have created that seems to always favor the man.

The house belongs to the man alone.
When you are angry with your wives you tell her to leave YOUR house just as the op told his wife. He expected her to beg him to let her stay but when she didn't beg him he was shocked. She didn't beg because she has provided a refuge for herself. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and you were told to get out of your matrimonial home with no compensation and nowhere to go the way a lot of you husband's do your wives simply because he wants someone else.

2. Since your culture doesn't believe in community property (All properties belonging to both husband and wife ) a smart wife would make sure that she has the security of shelter and some funds put away for herself and her children incase shyt happens, otherwise she would be left homeless and destitute.

3. I can't count how many times I have read on here about husbands throwing their wives out of HIS house with nowhere to go simply because he wants to move his girlfriend and his outside children into HIS house.

4. I give kudos to the wives who are wise enough to make her own money and provide for herself and not completely depend on her husband for everything.

5. The down side to this story is the secrecy and not doing her part in providing for the family especially when the husband was having financial difficulties.

khiaa:
Lol Yeah it's possible but not probable. As an outsider looking in (me) I can understand a wife securing a place for herself and foreseeing that dreaded day when she hears the words GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, but in the case of this woman I think that she was just being underhanded and deceitful.
She had plans to leave the marriage as soon as the house was completed.

ORAGBON:
Dear Lively Stones,

Last year,my marriage of two years crashed because my wife, Lydia was not straight forward with me when it comes to money and financial matters in our marriage. When I met Lydia about four years ago,she was working with a manufacturing company while I worked with a one man business as a marketing officer. Lydia was earning more than me at the time and frankly speaking,I never saw that as a hindrance. We got married two years after dating. That was when I started noticing the change in Lydia’s character when it comes to money issues. Unfortunately,like a year and half after we got married,my company was not doing too well hence they were late in paying our salaries for several months. While I dated Lydia,I tried my best to provide all it took to woo her. In the first year of our marriage,I noticed that she would always ask me for money to buy everything she needs in the house even though she was earning higher than me. I used to ask her why she does not contribute to the welfare of the house and she would reply me that her money is her money and my money is ours. That she is training her younger ones and sending money to her parents every month. Well, I did not bother too much,I tried to do what I could. However,in the second year of our marriage,when I started having financial difficulties,I couldn’t meet up with most of the responsibilities. That was when Lydia became something else. She would complain and rain insults on me for not giving her money for cooking or other up keep reasons. I used to explain to her that I didn’t have enough as before. She refused to understand and instead complained more. One time,our house rent was due,I asked her to borrow me some money to make up for the house rent but she refused saying that she had borrowed money from her place of work to augment some of the house keeping expenses she made. Anyway,our landlord gave us quite notice and we had to move into a one bedroom apartment from our three bedroom apartment.

A few months later. I ran into a friend of my wife’s family who has been like a family friend too. We met actually in a bus and we got talking,catching up during the bus ride. As we spoke,we talked about family life and he congratulated me on our house that we were building that was almost near completion.

I was stunned!. I asked him: ”what do you mean by our house”?. He responded that he was happy for us that we were almost completing the building of our house in Omole phase 2. I told him,I didn’t know what he was talking about. He obviously realized that he had said something I didn’t know about,he then asked me to speak to my wife. I pressed him further but he said he may have said too much.

When I got home,I asked my wife what the family friend said by congratulating us on the building of our house. She looked shocked but said she does not know what that meant. I asked her if she was building a house,she said no. I then told her I was going to call her father but she insisted I shouldn’t. I did anyway. She grabbed the phone from me and said she got a piece of land that she got very cheap and that she was developing it. She said she wanted to surprise me.

Surprise,indeed I was!…I couldn’t believe what my wife said. She was building a house right under my nose and I didn’t know? The house was near completion? . I told asked her what else was she hiding,she said nothing. I was angry, that I asked her to pack her things and leave my house. I couldn’t believe this lady who always complained that she didn’t have money would do this to me. I lost trust for her.

Surprisingly again,Lydia packed out of the house without making an effort to beg or stay. I was dumbfounded. When I went to see her family a week later,I was told that Lydia had made up her mind to leave the marriage as I was not taking good care of her. They didn’t even look at the fact that Lydia was keeping a huge secret from me.

As I write this,I am still dumbfounded. What kind of woman I ended up with. And where exactly did I go wrong?



From Anonymous,

Lagos.



Question:

What do you think went wrong in this marriage?
Who should be responsible for the financial responsibilities in a home
Is a woman’s money her money alone?
What did the husband do wrong?
Kindly make comments to help the young man in this situation



Jzhane




Source: www.livelystones.com.ng