I had to read all the comments and questions that the op was asked, before commenting. I have seen a lot of foolish comments from some ladies here and I can only feel pity for the men they end up with. Now,let's get to the main isht.

Marriage is for better for worse like they say. It's for two people to come together and become one. It is supposed to be a partnership,not a one person's show.

I'd take these issues one by one.


1: You married her against the wish of your parents. This proves that you love her,and you were ready to damn the whole world to be with her. Not many spouses,end up marrying once parents from one part,kick against the union.


2: You talked about footing all expenses as regards running the house, and actually "giving her what she says she needs,not what you think she needs". This implies that you tried as much as possible, to meet all of her demands.

3: She started building a house without your knowledge while you were struggling to pay rent in Abuja and lagos,simultaneously. She only told you about it when her pastor scolded her and when she wanted to borrow money from you to roof it. You gave her the money but when she had 200k and you asked for 20k,she refused. Your wife is a selfish idiot that doesn't deserve help. I dislike such people. You also talked about how you lost your job and how she would leave you with only 200 naira to eat until she comes back from shop... If she gave that from the meagre resources she had,it would not be a problem. But if she had more than enough and gave you just that, she must be a very wicked person.


4: You talked about how you got a job in Abuja and your fortunes changed after you lost your previous job,and all she asked was that you resign and come and stay in Lagos... Stay in Lagos to do what?

5: You talked about how you asked her to come to Abuja so you can get her a new shop and restock it but she declined cos she didn't want to lose her clients in ogudu... Your wife is selfish,lacks wisdom, isn't serious and doesn't strike me as someone who was ready for marriage.


I'm not absolving you of not having any faults but if your wife truly did these,then I'm sorry to say you do not have a wife yet. When a lady is carrying out an important project like building, and the husband doesn't know, check well for the third party who she is talking to. I've had experience of a married woman buying land and even wanting to build but the husband wasn't aware she even had a land. Our affair was short(no sex involved and was just emotions and feelings)and I managed to cut it off before it grew into a big thing. Just like you provided everything for her,this lady's hubby did. I never gave out a dime but I knew what she wasn't saying to her hubby. Find out who she is confiding in. The distance between you guys,isn't helping matters and her medical issues, complicates everything.


I don't know you or how much you can take but if you can salvage this situation, it would be better for you both.

Adamrealman78:
After marrying a girl against my parents wishes, for 6yrs with no child. I have never, cursed, abused or beaten her. I pay for two houses, one in Abuja and Lagos cos I work in Abuja. I provide for the home and pay her allowance and pay all utilities. She has a shop in Lagos.

I found out that she is building a house without informing me. I knew she did this cos she thought my family would chase her for her childlessness. I confronted her and she denied it for 7months. Only to own up after her pastor scolded her.

She wanted me to give her 800k to roof the house which I obliged. I now tested her by telling her to lend me 20k to sort out a small issue, only for her to tell me she can't afford to, in spite of a balance of over 200k in her account.

I quietly left the house for my base in Abuja, she didn't even escort me out of the bedroom. My relationship with her is over.

MEN, any woman you sacrifice for and she can't do the same for you is not worth it.

You are only using her building a house without your consent as an excuse.
Stop seeking public sympathy as you already started bleeping someone else while you are still married to her.
You knew about this a long time ago but chose to act in this manner now.
How sure are you that your so called new wife will bring you the happiness you desire?
You say your wife is insecured but chose to do nothing about it, yet you complain she is building a house without your knowledge.
Have you been 100% sincere to her since you knew her? Because you are acting all righteous now.
You need to sit down and think well before you make another move.
That toto that is turning your brain around outside your matrimonial home might become sour tomorrow.

Suddenly, all the good that she must have done in d past have all wiped out and you have chosen to turn a blind eye cos of one wrong she did... Smh

Be careful.

keepingmum:
I dont understand what your anger is. She should have told you about the property shes building....YES
But have you built or acquired assets in your name alone during thr course of the marriage? Are ALL assets in the marriage acquired in both your names?
What is wrong in a woman owning a property to her name solely?
How has your relationship been during the course of your marriage?
Have you cheated ot given her course to doubt your loyalty and fidelity in the marriage?
Finally you talk about not beating or cursing her in the marriage.....are you expecting to be rewarded or given a medal?? Or you think its thr norm to be abusive to women?
You talk about maintaining 2 homes in lag and abuja so what about that? If you are tired relocate back to Lag or move your wife to Abj to join you.
There are people that maintain 4 homes ...one with the kids in uni...the other wifey stays there for work...3rd they stay there for their own work and then 4th extended family stays so what exactly are you doing that no other person has done?

Finally keep your family in check cos its clear from your write up your family has played a role in making your wife feel unsecured in her marriage

Another retarded thing. Men need to stop marrying these useless users.

Independent woman, marry yourself and own assets in your own name.

keepingmum:
I dont understand what your anger is. She should have told you about the property shes building....YES
But have you built or acquired assets in your name alone during thr course of the marriage? Are ALL assets in the marriage acquired in both your names?
What is wrong in a woman owning a property to her name solely?
How has your relationship been during the course of your marriage?
Have you cheated ot given her course to doubt your loyalty and fidelity in the marriage?
Finally you talk about not beating or cursing her in the marriage.....are you expecting to be rewarded or given a medal?? Or you think its thr norm to be abusive to women?
You talk about maintaining 2 homes in lag and abuja so what about that? If you are tired relocate back to Lag or move your wife to Abj to join you.
There are people that maintain 4 homes ...one with the kids in uni...the other wifey stays there for work...3rd they stay there for their own work and then 4th extended family stays so what exactly are you doing that no other person has done?

Finally keep your family in check cos its clear from your write up your family has played a role in making your wife feel unsecured in her marriage

She hid it from him, no trust or honesty involved here.

Adamrealman78:
She can't change. I saw this attitude long ago,but thought pure love and affection could reform her.if I continue in the relationship, she would ruin me into debt.

Why are you blaming her for childlessness. Is she God?

Adamrealman78:
sorry for yourself, this happened last week Monday, on Tuesday I bleeped my new wife.she is on her way to Abuja to replace the other one.life goes on always have plan b,c,d-z

Then there is no need having this conversation with you since you are an adulterer. Do you think she doesn't know of your antics and is building her own house as her plan B? You have made her insecure. And I don't blame her

I am proud of the woman.

The only thing paining the useless thing of a husband is that "she built a house"

Women have moved past the stage of foolishness my brother, you even have the temerity to talk about trust after probably messing up with her esteem by your subtle selfish treatment.

How have you treated her ? Ask yourself that question Mr Confused @ 40

Women should open their eyes well before settling for babies like the op.

Adamrealman78:
,her test results show, blocked fallopian tubes, uterine fibroids and no ovulation.. What magic do you expect I do?

Are you aware that these things(health challenges) can be treated without the need for surgery. Have you tried alternative therapy?

Sometimes ignorance of what to do could have caused the prolonged infertility. I am however not oblivious to other issues that may cause infertility.

Evacroft:
The reason ur wife built a house for herself is that u have showed her she cant rely on u cos u guys dont have kids yet. Good she planned ahead. Am sure if ur wife is here she will also have thousand and more words to say. Good luck with ur new girl.
But i guess if she was d one smarter enough to go get preggy outside u will term her a wicked woman.

...your a very unreasonable perin by saying that...how can you support a wife who's got her husband bak cuz u fill kids didn't com..did he see kids in her belle b4 marrying her?.. that how u gals use self centered Ness to break marages,and kill husbands with stroke and bp..wicked women....

Adamrealman78:
,her test results show, blocked fallopian tubes, uterine fibroids and no ovulation.. What magic do you expect I do?

You should be more supportive. I married in 2009, I had multiple cysts, no ovulation as well. I ran from pillar to post. Did all sorts of treatment. Finally, after 5 years my husband said STOP! Let's just STOP and enjoy our lives. My mother in law said STOP, let go and let God. I had a support system that made me feel not having a baby is not the end of the world. Doctors said I should come for IVF, they saw one blocked tube. Hubby said no. Infact, he took me abroad for a long awaited honeymoon, after 5yrs. I came back pregnant, even he wasnt expecting it. He said it was too sudden. Can you imagine After delivery, got pregnant with another baby the following month. My two deliveries were 10months interval. With no ovulation.

My husband refused to touch me after the 2nd pregnancy. Said I was a magnet. Took counselling for him to finally come close. He has been begging me not to get pregnant again, but I want twins
With no ovulation.

As I am, I get a period once in 6mths, without intervention. I only know I'm pregnant because I start vomiting. Because there is no period to say 'I missed my period'.

My point is... Be patient, and work with your woman. Who said God cannot turn around a situation? You have given up on your wife, and that is not Godly.

Can two work together except they agree? You need to put away the strange woman and work with your wife. You have only been married 6 years. There is a lifetime ahead of you. These are just bumps along the way.

If I tell you the one my husband did to me. I asked him to inspect a property. He said it was good, he liked the area, it is something he has been looking for. As a the doting wife, I gave him the money to help me buy it. He bought it in his name. The world has not ended. I was angry, but he has my mumu button.

As we are, I have used sense to collect back the money over time. I never said, give me back my money. But for everything I send a budget for, I inflate the cost. Even money for the schoolchool fees, diapers and food. I am shopping for another property which I will buy in my name. I will tell him, for info purposes only. This life is wisdom. So I should have divorced him because he played a fast one on me?

When I confronted him, he said I am a woman, I should be submissive. Ok, in submission, no problem, we will meet on the bed at night, where he cannot say no to my demands.

Ariel20:
I am proud of the woman.

The only thing paining the useless thing of a husband is that "she built a house"

Women have moved past the stage of foolishness my brother, you even have the temerity to talk about trust after probably messing up with her esteem by your subtle selfish treatment.

How have you treated her ? Ask yourself that question Mr Confused @ 40

Women should open their eyes well before settling for babies like the op.

100% agreed

Adamrealman78:
After marrying a girl against my parents wishes, for 6yrs with no child. I have never, cursed, abused or beaten her. I pay for two houses, one in Abuja and Lagos cos I work in Abuja. I provide for the home and pay her allowance and pay all utilities. She has a shop in Lagos.

I found out that she is building a house without informing me. I knew she did this cos she thought my family would chase her for her childlessness. I confronted her and she denied it for 7months. Only to own up after her pastor scolded her.

She wanted me to give her 800k to roof the house which I obliged. I now tested her by telling her to lend me 20k to sort out a small issue, only for her to tell me she can't afford to, in spite of a balance of over 200k in her account.

I quietly left the house for my base in Abuja, she didn't even escort me out of the bedroom. My relationship with her is over.

MEN, any woman you sacrifice for and she can't do the same for you is not worth it.

These are d modern day Delilahs ooooooo
She can poison u and run sfter anothrr man without a second thought
Plsdivorce her ASAP
Life no get part 2
Ask Samson

From the way OP sounds, the woman is better off without the fool. I'm glad she was wise enough to build that house in time.

GrammarCheck:



As we are, I have used sense to collect back the money over time. I never said, give me back my money. But for everything I send a budget for, I inflate the cost. Even money for the schoolchool fees, diapers and food. I am shopping for another property which I will buy in my name. I will tell him, for info purposes only. This life is wisdom. So I should have divorced him because he played a fast one on me?

When I confronted him, he said I am a woman, I should be submissive. Ok, in submission, no problem, we will meet on the bed at night, where he cannot say no to my demands

Madaam the madam, the bolded part got me. No be everything be gragra, women have a lot of power we just don't know how to use it.




@topic that lady knew he was cheating

Adamrealman78:
sorry for yourself, this happened last week Monday, on Tuesday I bleeped my new wife.she is on her way to Abuja to replace the other one.life goes on always have plan b,c,d-z

. Bleeping another woman so quick! Your own Way sef no pure before. Women no be animal o. She must have envisaged what you’re likely to become before now.

Adamrealman78:
After marrying a girl against my parents wishes, for 6yrs with no child. I have never, cursed, abused or beaten her. I pay for two houses, one in Abuja and Lagos cos I work in Abuja. I provide for the home and pay her allowance and pay all utilities. She has a shop in Lagos.

I found out that she is building a house without informing me. I knew she did this cos she thought my family would chase her for her childlessness. I confronted her and she denied it for 7months. Only to own up after her pastor scolded her.

She wanted me to give her 800k to roof the house which I obliged. I now tested her by telling her to lend me 20k to sort out a small issue, only for her to tell me she can't afford to, in spite of a balance of over 200k in her account.

I quietly left the house for my base in Abuja, she didn't even escort me out of the bedroom. My relationship with her is over.

MEN, any woman you sacrifice for and she can't do the same for you is not worth it.

..sir,i blame you very well for the whole happenings..when you were datino her, you made the same mistake so.many guyz keep making..you turned to her God,all cuz of her ass and blossom, you turned a solution solver, giving as is required for guyz..but never putting in place any measure to check whether sh is a giver, when uts your b/day,alk sh does is call and give her body,and also buying you the fakes of cheapest gift.,den you would laff it off ass sh does not have money,when sh doesn't calk,you laff it off as sh is broke..not knowing that old habit,die hard..that is how you know a stingy and self centered gal..to the single guyx..lern your lessons...

You hut her feelings first, and you know she did not intentionally block her Fallopian tube,children are gift from God, why are you blaming it on her,poor woman may God console her and give her a better and loving man

Adamrealman78:
After marrying a girl against my parents wishes, for 6yrs with no child. I have never, cursed, abused or beaten her. I pay for two houses, one in Abuja and Lagos cos I work in Abuja. I provide for the home and pay her allowance and pay all utilities. She has a shop in Lagos.

I found out that she is building a house without informing me. I knew she did this cos she thought my family would chase her for her childlessness. I confronted her and she denied it for 7months. Only to own up after her pastor scolded her.

She wanted me to give her 800k to roof the house which I obliged. I now tested her by telling her to lend me 20k to sort out a small issue, only for her to tell me she can't afford to, in spite of a balance of over 200k in her account.

I quietly left the house for my base in Abuja, she didn't even escort me out of the bedroom. My relationship with her is over.

MEN, any woman you sacrifice for and she can't do the same for you is not worth it.

You simply encouraged her...... Why is it only the man's place to pay all the household bills?

It's your Family and your bills, in a joint format and not single-handedly......

Tallesty1:
Are you guys intentionally ignoring the part where he said that even though she never informed him before building the house, she asked for 800k for roofing which he obliged but when he asked her for just 20k she refused? Am I the only one that saw that part?

Guy I'm weak AF,they just stylishly ignored this part that I find troubling.

The guy mumu don do abeg,norbi by force to marry.

Divorce her.

Don't look back.

\

Thought you called yourself the real man. How you go score goal self when you dey leave for Abuja while wife dey lasigidi

Adamrealman78:
sorry for yourself, this happened last week Monday, on Tuesday I bleeped my new wife.she is on her way to Abuja to replace the other one.life goes on always have plan b,c,d-z

Don't you think she already knows you have a second wife? This could be the reason she is building without informing you and also refused to give you the 20k you requested for. She is not dump she knows you will soon send her packing.
I wonder, what could be the reason for not being able to conceive? Are you sure you exhausted all options b4 you jumped right into another woman? Patient pays my Bro

Adamrealman78:
,her test results show, blocked fallopian tubes, uterine fibroids and no ovulation.. What magic do you expect I do?

Nairalanders why u people talking as if u find it hard to interpret what is written? OP said that the child thing is not the issue but the wife refusing to aid him with a meagre 20k, after helping her with hundreds of thousands.

I always tell peoole; somebody's character is somebody's character. It cannot change because you are married to the person! It can only change from systematic and deliberate attempts.

Divorce the biatch!

GrammarCheck:


You should be more supportive. I married in 2009, I had multiple cysts, no ovulation as well. I ran from pillar to post. Did all sorts of treatment. Finally, after 5 years my husband said STOP! Let's just STOP and enjoy our lives. My mother in law said STOP, let go and let God. I had a support system that made me feel not having a baby is not the end of the world. Doctors said I should come for IVF, they saw one blocked tube. Hubby said no. Infact, he took me abroad for a long awaited honeymoon, after 5yrs. I came back pregnant, even he wasnt expecting it. He said it was too sudden. Can you imagine After delivery, got pregnant with another baby the following month. My two deliveries were 10months interval. With no ovulation.

My husband refused to touch me after the 2nd pregnancy. Said I was a magnet. Took counselling for him to finally come close. He has been begging me not to get pregnant again, but I want twins
With no ovulation.

As I am, I get a period once in 6mths, without intervention. I only know I'm pregnant because I start vomiting. Because there is no period to say 'I missed my period'.

My point is... Be patient, and work with your woman. Who said God cannot turn around a situation? You have given up on your wife, and that is not Godly.

Can two work together except they agree? You need to put away the strange woman and work with your wife. You have only been married 6 years. There is a lifetime ahead of you. These are just bumps along the way.

If I tell you the one my husband did to me. I asked him to inspect a property. He said it was good, he liked the area, it is something he has been looking for. As a the doting wife, I gave him the money to help me buy it. He bought it in his name. The world has not ended. I was angry, but he has my mumu button.

As we are, I have used sense to collect back the money over time. I never said, give me back my money. But for everything I send a budget for, I inflate the cost. Even money for the schoolchool fees, diapers and food. I am shopping for another property which I will buy in my name. I will tell him, for info purposes only. This life is wisdom. So I should have divorced him because he played a fast one on me?

When I confronted him, he said I am a woman, I should be submissive. Ok, in submission, no problem, we will meet on the bed at night, where he cannot say no to my demands.

I'm in love already, with this lady. The features are there; smart, intelligent, beautiful (not sure), wealthy (I'm no gold digger), thinks independently and right.

Nne, do you think you can clone yourself and give to me?

Adamrealman78:
After marrying a girl against my parents wishes, for 6yrs with no child. I have never, cursed, abused or beaten her. I pay for two houses, one in Abuja and Lagos cos I work in Abuja. I provide for the home and pay her allowance and pay all utilities. She has a shop in Lagos.

I found out that she is building a house without informing me. I knew she did this cos she thought my family would chase her for her childlessness. I confronted her and she denied it for 7months. Only to own up after her pastor scolded her.

She wanted me to give her 800k to roof the house which I obliged. I now tested her by telling her to lend me 20k to sort out a small issue, only for her to tell me she can't afford to, in spite of a balance of over 200k in her account.

I quietly left the house for my base in Abuja, she didn't even escort me out of the bedroom. My relationship with her is over.

MEN, any woman you sacrifice for and she can't do the same for you is not worth it.

So it's after marriage u're knowing these things

Secondly this goes out to young men if ur folks don't support ur marriage no try am. They are wiser than u are and can see things u won't.

I don't know why men always try to tolerant a mean and heartless women in a marriage, if you fail to divorce a bad wife ,she will kill you knowingly or unknowingly ,women are closer to the devil. But for me ,I can't die for love oo.

At least you guys are calling BS where you see it.
Only cheaters and wicked guys like him will pretend to not know the woman did this for a reason. Personally I wish she had taken more from him and abandoned him before he even had the chance to think of divorce.

trumpcoat:
You hut her feelings first, and you know she did not intentionally block her Fallopian tube,children are gift from God, why are you blaming it on her,poor woman may God console her and give her a better and loving man

labbyboi:
. Bleeping another woman so quick! Your own Way sef no pure before. Women no be animal o. She must have envisaged what you’re likely to become before now.

swashbuckler84:
From the way OP sounds, the woman is better off without the fool. I'm glad she was wise enough to build that house in time.

Ariel20:
I am proud of the woman.

The only thing paining the useless thing of a husband is that "she built a house"

Women have moved past the stage of foolishness my brother, you even have the temerity to talk about trust after probably messing up with her esteem by your subtle selfish treatment.

How have you treated her ? Ask yourself that question Mr Confused @ 40

Women should open their eyes well before settling for babies like the op.

bekpo:


That lady must have suffered in ur hands, what u complained abt happened on Monday, then on Tuesday u bleeped ur new wife.....how did u do that? I mean such a quick remarriage or na Abuja Marriage? When did u go for d new wife intro and her white wedding and or court wedding? You have been sleeping out and abandoning her and proberbly treat her badly, she foresaw what await her and decided to make plans for herself. Did u actually married her or u just did d way u did d second woman? Get focuss and have a change or heart.

Adamrealman78:
She can't change. I saw this attitude long ago,but thought pure love and affection could reform her.if I continue in the relationship, she would ruin me into debt.

So, u saw this attitude long ago and u step into it, its people like u that abandon his parent only to get marry to ghost, forgetting that they brought u up. u tank God she did not poised u.

I don't think this woman has believe in the marriage otherwise, she wouldn't have been building without her husbands knowledge. She has plan b. Mr man run for your life. She has given you reasons to run.

Adamrealman78:
She can't change. I saw this attitude long ago,but thought pure love and affection could reform her.if I continue in the relationship, she would ruin me into debt.

That woman does not love you. She can't sacrifice for you send her back to the Boondocks.

Adamrealman78:
I see responses saying I feel hurt for not telling me about her project! Wrong, I am happy about her success, but when a woman you support to be a success uses your kindness to elevate herself and wants to run you into penury.be wise,at a time she borrowed 400k for a project and I ended paying the loan,I sold my old car,borrowed another 300k to meet her needs.As a rule to make her feel loved, I never for once in 6yrs requested what I wanted.I made sure my provision for her needs are what she wanted.just imagine, I lost my old job in 2014.even without a job,I sold my assets to take care of the home. After making sure I was broke, she would leave me in the house with N200 to eat till she came back from the shop. When God now gave me a federal appointment in Abuja, she told me to resign and come back to Lagos. This is just the tip of the iceberg, if I talk more.I would break the Internet.

Hmm. Marriage is not easy. She can't be justified for not opening up to you.
Well, no one here knows your story but I hope you're making the right choice.